("Nothing Gold Can Stay" By Robert Frost)

***

Have you ever had the feeling that you're having a really bad dream and you desperately wanted to wake up? Wanted to wake up, but you couldn't, because the dream was not a dream, but the cruel, cold, hard reality.

I must admit, it had happened to me on the past, more than once. This is one of the things that result from the existence in the reality of Section 1. I feel like my life is a nightmare way too often, sometimes wondering if life is worth all the pain. But there was always something, mend that to someone, who convinced me that life was worth living. No matter how bad the situation got, I've always had a spot of light that illuminated the darkness of my existence. Michael. He is my only light, my anchor, and my love, in the shadow world we both live in.

He amazes me sometimes. I used to think he is invincible, an iron man that could deal with anything and everything. But I was mistaken. He's not a robot, but a human being. A man, real flesh and blood. And he feels sad, lonely or desperate just like the rest of us. Yet, he's something special. He is the only one I know who never gave up on me. He protected me with his life, picked me up when I was down, and... he loves me. It took me a long time to believe him, to trust him, but after he risked everything to restore my feeling... he did that because he loves me, and he couldn't let me go.

When we've made love, after so much time of separation, I could feel it. All his love, lust and desperation flooded me when he caressed and kissed me so tenderly. And afterwards, he held me tightly to him, pressed his lips to mine so softly and whispered to me that he couldn't live without me.

These were the sweetest words he had ever said to me. It was practically a declaration of love from the man I love more than life itself. It was the first time he had ever implied that if I die, he would follow me. It chills me a little to think of it. Michael is a man of his words, and being a Section 1 operative, my death is not such a remote possibility. At that moment, I knew he was speaking the truth, with words that came straight from his heart. I am terrified to think that he would actually do that, kill himself if I died. As scared as I am with this thought, I know I feel the same. If Michael died... I would have nothing to live for, none whatsoever. Michael is my life, and without him, I don't want to be alive.

After he uttered those words of love to me, we stayed wrapped around each other for a while longer. A few minutes later, he rose to a sitting position, still embracing me tightly. From the sad look in his eyes, I realized that we had to go, to leave our beautiful dream world, that was real to a few precious hours, and return to the harsh reality of Section 1.

"Will you be ok?" he whispered to me, caressing tears away from my cheek with his warm palm and looking into my eyes.

"As long as you are with me," I whispered back, letting him know that his love was the only thing that kept me alive. I saw the glint of unshed tears in his eyes a moment before he gathered me close to him again and hugged me tightly, pulling back just a little to press his mouth to mine in a long, loving, reassuring, possessive kiss. He told me so many things in this kiss, when the primary one was that he would never leave me, would always find a way for us to stay together.

We've had so little time together since then; we were still hiding from the eyes of our superiors. We had to content ourselves with secret touches and stolen kisses when no one was looking. It was stupid, and dangerous, I know, but I simply couldn't get enough of him. I missed him badly after our separation, and he felt the same. I constantly wanted to touch him, kiss him, remember the feel of his arms around me, have him remind me that he loves me and misses me just as much as I love and miss him. I knew he would find a way for us, and I was eagerly waiting for it.

And then, with our next mission, all my dreams shattered like fragile glass.

It started up ok, actually, Michael and I finally had a chance to be close to each other under the cover of the mission. We were to pose as two drug-dealing lovers- Anna Gourner and Frederick Kraus. The first part of the mission went smoothly, even fun. Michael and me lurked the marks near this sleazy nightclub, in not a very good part of town. He was dressed nicely in black leather clothes and I had a sudden urge to throw him on the floor, rip those illegally snug clothes off of him and jump his bones. Hell with the mission. But, I didn't do that. It's a real bitch, but the mission has to come first. Still, it didn't mean I couldn't have some fun.

"You always take me to such nice places, Michael," I teased him, while scanning the area for possible threats. Looking anywhere, just not at him. Anywhere, but on this strong, muscled, gorgeous body of his. God.

Michael scanned the area as well as I continued to babble. "They should be out in a few minutes," I announced him. Well, Duh, he knew the profile just as well as I did, but I had to say something instead of concentrating on how good his butt looked in black leather. Michael and black leather, yummy , good enough to eat.

It seemed that he finished his visual check because he turned around and faced me, moving closer and closer, his face less that an inch from mine. His eyes were fastened on my lips. This trick always gets to me. That eyes-to-lips thing. It's like he's asking me very subtly for a kiss. And, god, how much I wanted to kiss him then, but I did my best to stay focussed on the mission.

"Where are you staying tonight?" he breathed, so close that I could feel his warm breath on my lips.

"They've assigned me to temporary quarters, while they scrub all traces of the Gelman process from my little apartment," I replied. His hand started to wander, moving to caress my neck and shoulder. I could practically feel the temperature rising. I looked casually over his shoulder, trying to ignore the warm sensation where his hand touched.

"I've got to say," I continued, "my new pad's almost as nice as this..." I smiled at him, and chuckled dryly, "...almost."

"For how long?" he continues questioning me softly, all the while his eyes riveted on mine, giving me his undivided attention.

"Two weeks," I murmured. All of this touching and caressing was beginning to get to me. Hey, I'm only mortal. Trust me, you wouldn't have much power or will to resist if Michael was touching you like that.

"You could stay with me," he whispered. At that I snapped into focus and looked into his eyes. I tilted my head to the side to read his expression better.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" I questioned, surprised and thrilled at once. This was something I didn't see coming. But it was a very nice surprise. He tried to look indifferent, like he'll be cool with whatever I'd say, but I could see that my answer was very important to him.

"Well, you'd be more comfortable," he said. This was sweet, and a little amusing. It was the first time he was flirting with me like that. And in public. And in the middle of a mission. I felt so very flattered and happy then.

"Well, is this for... two weeks or were you... thinking of something a little more... permanent?" I questioned. I said it in a teasing manner, but I was serious. I wanted to make sure I was hearing right, that he was actually asking me to move in with him. He moved closer to me possessively and gave me a small, Michael-ish, intimate smile. God, he looks so damn beautiful when he smiles, especially because it's that Michael-half-smile. So sweet and so only for me.

"We'd have more privacy," he offered in a husky whisper. Mmmm... brought some delicious pictures to mind. My, that sounded to wonderful, so perfect. I enjoyed it so much, that lighthearted flirtation, something that other couples probably take for granted. But for us... it was a little piece of heaven. I moved closer to him and he kissed me lightly at the corner of my mouth. I stood on my toes and rubbed my nose lightly against his. "And... How is it that you think that we're going to get away with that?" I asked. A little concerned, but too happy to care. His hand slipped around my neck, bringing our faces closer together and his lips grazed mine as he spoke.

"Adrian."

This kind of brought me down to earth. Well, threw mw down to earth is more like it. With a big thud. How the hell are we going to pull this off? Michael can't keep playing his Adrian card over and over again. Operations might get pissed at him and have him cancelled. With all the joy and excitement his offer had brought, I had to stop and think. Think of how much I'm willing to risk and how much we will be forced to pay this time.

"I'll think about it," I answered hesitantly, the hopeful look in his eyes breaking my heart.

And then Anna and Freddie went out of the club and headed towards their car. It was mission time.

***

The night after, we moved on to the next part of the mission- the drug-deal with Helmut Volker. We entered the big house and looked around. There was a party going on and it seemed that the guests engaged in drinking, doing drugs or making out. The whole place would've looked like a brothel if not for the huge, expensive house.

We followed Volker's butler and I leaned close to Michael and whispered in his ear, "Another nice place." His lip twitched a bit as he nodded in agreement. The butler announced our name to Volker, and moved aside, letting us to walk in. I placed my hand on Michael's leather-clad back and caressed him. I felt so very possessive of him, and I didn't care if the whole world knew it.

"Anna Gourner and Frederick Kraus," he said. He was teasing us about the job being 'too old' for us.

"You're both too... gorgeous for words," he said, patted Michael's cheek and moved to stand in front of me. He grinned at me, "I should have born with his face." I bet you wish.

Michael stepped closer and dropped the briefcase on the table, snapped it open and turned it around to show the drugs to Volker.

"Two kilos... Turkish... Uncut," He said dryly.

"Freddie... Please.... Humor me," Volker drawled, mimicking Michael's tone, "and act as if we're the best of friends." He then motioned with his hand to a vacant chair next to me.

"Sit," he said. I knew immediately that Michael didn't like him. Michael doesn't like to take orders. And, as an opposite of Helmut Volker, Michael doesn't babble.

Volker gave a long sigh and whined, "I've been doing business all day and I'm feeling completely bereft of insignificant small talk."

"I like your tie," I said, knowing that the only thing that Michael is not superior at is making small talk.

Volker perched on the edge of the table and his face wore an expression of an excited puppy dog, "So... why don't you two tell me when you knew you were meant for each other and absolutely no one else would do?" he asked cheerfully.

I tried to keep the amused grin off of my face when I watched Michael's expression. He was rubbing one finger against his chin, on his face an expression that clearly wondered if Helmut is really as stupid as he sounds. Then he looked at me, expecting me to answer the question. This kind of reminded me one of our earlier missions, when we posed as two mercenaries named Peter and Sage. But this time my answer wasn't as creative as the last time. I guess I was a little flustered at that time, when I was wondering exactly when I knew I'm in love with Michael. So I answered truthfully.

"I'd say we're still working on that," I said, smiling. That was then Michael decided that he had had enough of our gracious host and the irritating small talk.

"You're interested in... making a purchase?" he asked.

"Well, of course I'm interested, Freddie," Volker said in mock seriousness, "why, do you think all those people out there love me for who I am?" He continued, "And why the rush? You're my friends now. Staaay .. and parrrty, huh?"

It was quite amusing. I know that if he could, Michael would just kick this guy's ass and walk away from him.

After announcing we were to do business tomorrow, Volker leaned closer to Michael, patted his knee, and said, "I have a feeling... there's a bit more of that iron stake stuck up there than we thought. But we'll have a good yank at it, before we let you out into the real world, hey?" Yep. Quite amusing. Well, amusing for me. I had the feeling that Michael wasn't enjoying it all that much. Actually, I've already noticed it before; Michael doesn't like to be touched, except by me, of course. It has something to do with the time he spent in prison, just before he was recruited to Section One. He doesn't like to talk about it, though, and I don't want to push.

Volker announced that Alex, the butler, will make us feel comfortable and remarked that if we want to be alone, we better lock our door. I looked amusedly into Michael's eyes as Volker left the room. He looked a little lost, like he had no idea what to do with that irritating idiot. It was so cute. I reached my hand to him and we rose of our chairs, leaving the room to join the party.

Michael lifted two champagne glasses off of a tray and we found a nice chair in the corner of the room. Michael sat down and I perched myself in his lap. I felt his hand pat my rear and I grinned at him suggestively. He smiled at me that adorable half-smile. So Michael. I leaned closer to him and draped my left arm around the back of the chair. I hoped I was transferring the message loud and clear to everybody around. Back off, you're not invited. Not that it stopped women (and some men) to ogle at him appreciatively. But I couldn't keep toying with him (darn!) . It was still a mission.

"You noticed who was in the room with Volker when we came in?" I murmured into his ear.

"Yes, we'll need to get into his safe," he murmured back while scanning the room. He was fully focused on the mission again. Michael the machine, the perfect operative. I don't really like him like that. I moved my arm and started running my hand through his silky hair.

"It might be easier said than done," I murmured, still caressing his hair.

He took a sip from his champagne glass as he listened to me and I traced my fingers lightly over the side of his face. "I'm not so sure he's the phony he makes out to be," I continued. I sipped from my glass as Michael raised his head to look at me.

"You think there's more?" he asked.

I looked back into his eyes, "You'd think there'd have to be." I mean, come on, nobody can be that stupid.

And then, guess who joined us? Yeah, our lovely host, a champagne bottle in his head. "Hushed words .. in my humble hallway," he asked, perching on the table next to us.

I smiled to him sweetly, "No..." I took the champagne bottle out of his hand, "Just discussing what good taste you have in champagne." And some other things.

"Yes, I regret I'm... cursed with my good taste," he babbled, "it's murder on the bank account, but... ahh... does wonders for the soul."

I sipped from the bottle, "Nice on the tongue, too," I remarked. He stared at me, "Yeah." He kept staring at me for several seconds and I could feel Michael tensing.

"So, you two are all... set, then?" Volker asked with a wink. He turned to Michael, "What say you join me on the shooting range tomorrow morning? You do... shoot... Freddie...?" Volker babble stopped being interesting so I busied myself with stroking the side of Michael's face.

My finger traced one perfectly shaped eyebrow as Michael said, "I'm a little out of practice." Yeeeeah, right. Michael was born with a machine gun in his hand. I decided we've done enough socializing for the evening. So I leaned closer to Michael and kissed his lightly on the cheek.

"It's getting late. Come on, darling," I murmured to him. He was more than happy to leave, I know. I stood and pulled Michael up with me, noticing his very smug expression as we walked away from a slightly displeased Helmut Volker.

I stopped in front of Volker, "See you in the morning," I said and poured some more champagne into his glass. "Good night," I added, and joined Michael up the stairs.

We stepped into one of the many guestrooms and started getting ready to bed. I know Michael doesn't like to be... overdressed in bed so he just stripped down to his black briefs and crawled under the blanket. I put on a nightgown and crawled into bed next to him. Although we were both crazy with desire to each other, we didn't want to make love there. In the middle of a mission. And despite Volker's remark, we didn't have a key to lock the door. So we went to sleep, or at least tried to, back to back. We both knew we wouldn't control ourselves if we touched each other. So I lay there next to him, listening to him breathing and vainly trying to sleep.

Some time later, I heard the sound of the door open quietly. I became fully awake in an instant, a part of being a Section 1 operative. I heard soft footsteps coming towards me and then something cold touched my arm, sliding slowly along my skin. The smell was familiar. Champagne. I knew who it was even before I looked. I opened my eyes and discovered my instincts were correct, because, kneeling near the bed, was Helmut Volker. He signed to be to keep quiet and follow him. I cast a brief, uneasy look towards the sleeping (or so I thought) Michael, reached for my robe and followed Volker out of the room.

He led me out of the room and into another room, with a lit fireplace. He perched on one chair while I slouched in the chair in front of him. I was tired. And uneasy. This thing just couldn't be good.

"I always feel that we miss... some of life's more exciting moments when we sleep," he murmured to me. Yeah, whatever. I don't know about him, but I need my sleep.

"Well, I'll be sure to keep my eyes open," I said, trying to sound disinterested. He smiled a slimy smile, "And I'll try to make it worth the effort. In fact, why don't I do it right now?" He took a small leather case and opened it slowly, revealing a syringe and rubber tubing. Drugs. Oh, shit.

"Oh," I said. That's all what came to my mind at that moment. I was starting to get a little scared. Despite my several years of living in the streets, I managed to stay away from drugs. Well, ok, I smoked some but, lucky for me, I stopped before it became an addiction. But never needles. Never. It was just waaaay too dangerous.

"It's from Mexico," he said, holding the box out to me, "Not quite Turkish, but almost as good." Whatever it was, I wanted nothing to do with it. Where are you, Michael? He put the box on the table between us and I stared at it like it was a snake waiting to bite me. "It's late," I gave a lame excuse.

"The best time for dreams..." he whispered, "dreams we can dream together. Hmm?" He then took my hand in his and whispered, "Please." What could I do? I couldn't blow the mission by running out of there like a bat out of hell. So I sat there mutely as he wrapped the rubber tube around my arm. He uncapped the syringe with his hand and held it for me to take, while kissing my palm. My heart was hammering, and all I could think of was: Come here, Michael. NOW! I pretty much doubted he was actually sleeping. Michael had a sixth sense to potential danger, he should've woke in the moment our door opened. But he wasn't moving nor making a sound when I got out of bed. So I was scared.

"Come on..." Volker whispered to me, "come on...". I held the syringe in my hand, bringing it closer to my arm.

And then... the door opened. Michael couldn't have picked a better timing to appear there, wearing only his outer coat.

"Freddie!" I called with relief, remembering not to blow our cover. He didn't look happy. I bet that in that moment, he wanted to punch Volker very badly. Michael motioned me with his head to join him and I, not waiting to be asked twice, ripped the tubing off of my hand and practically ran to him.

Michael looked at Volker coldly, his gaze warning and angry. "Drugs are the only thing I sell," he stated coldly, wrapping his arm around me as I rushed into his arms with relief. I gave Volker a look, I felt so much better now that I had Michael's protection so close to me.

"Freddie," Volker started lamely, "If, somehow, I've created the wrong impression here, if I made you think that I thought that... I could purchase this gorgeous creature, then I'm profusely sorry. You, more than anyone should know, one look at her... she's priceless."

But Michael wasn't fooled by his lame excuses. "Then consider the cost in the event you were to break something," he said, his hand possessively but softly caressing my hair, voice cold as ice.

Volker rose from his chair, getting angry, "Are you threatening me, hmm?" He should've known better than to try to intimidate Michael. He just stared at him some more and turned his gaze back to me, his hands still possessively touching me.

Volker smiled, "I think I'm beginning to like you," he said to Michael. It was clear that Michael was NOT feeling the same. He, once again, had had enough.

"We can conduct our business tomorrow," he said dismissivly. I slowly moved away from the soothing weight of Michael's arm around me and retreated out of the room, Michael following me.

"Eight o'clock... at the shooting range," Volker called out after us, "It'll be fun."

Michael closed the door firmly and moved towards me. He wrapped his strong arm possessively around me and we silently walked back into our room. Once we were inside, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his embrace. I burrowed into him in relief, embracing his back. I felt his lips press a light kiss to my temple.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his hands roaming over my back, caressing me gently.

"I am now," I murmured back, drawing warmth and strength from his solid body. He then released me from his strong embrace, taking my robe and his coat off and leading me into the bed. He climbed into the bed beside me and pulled me back into his arms, wrapping the blanket securely around us. And at that moment, I felt something I haven't felt many times in my life. Something, I usually felt when I was in Michael's arms. I felt protected. I felt loved. I fell asleep then, safe in his arms.

As morning came, I opened my eyes to find Michael's body still wrapped around mine, his eyes closed in sleep. I allowed myself the pleasure of watching him for a few minutes as he slept. He wasn't totally in peace, though. There was a slight frown on his face as if he was worried about something. I touched his brow tenderly and kissed his cheek lightly. His eyes opened and stared into mine from under half-closed lids. His mouth curved in a small smile as his hand caressed a hypnotic pace on my back.

"Morning, love," he murmured, kissing my lips softly and my heart quivered. Michael had always been a man of a few words. In fact, during all our time together, he had never really told me that he loves me. Well, he came very close to that, more than once.

The first time was on the night of the Armel mission. I said to him "I love you" when we were in bed and he returned a sleepy "I love you, too." But you can't count this, right? I mean, we were watched, both by Section's cameras and Armel's people. If he hadn't said it back to me, Armel's men would've been suspicious, since we were supposed to be a happily married couple. He had to say it back so we won't risk blowing our cover. I like to think that he meant it, though. Even then. I know I meant it. With all my heart.

The second time was when Perez's drugs made him lose his memory. He was so sweet and innocent then, with that fire in his eyes when he declared he wouldn't be treated like a caged animal. He reminded me of myself back then. When I still was somewhat innocent, when I didn't know the things Section could do. Just before he regained his memory back, he so sweetly asked me, "Have I ever told you that I love you?" When I answered 'No' he said, "I do." It really irritated me then that he had to lose his memory to say those desired words to me. But I believed him then. I believed that even though his mind was damaged, his heart was still whole and remembering.

The third and last time was after he rescued me from the Gelman process. After the wonderful lovemaking we shared inside that device that helped regain my feeling, we lay there together, arms locked tightly around one another. I told him that I'd rather die than go back to that hated place of cruelty and manipulation. "Don't say that," he asked quietly. 'Why not?' I asked. I couldn't imagine going back there after the joy and completeness I felt in my lover's arms. "Because I can't live without you," he answered so softly and tears filled my eyes again. It wasn't the "I love you" I craved for so many years, but it was so much more.

During all the time I've known Michael, I've learned to read him. Michael doesn't say much. He conveys his thoughts and emotions with acts and touches. He had showed me his love so many times, but I was too young and naive to see it. But now I know him, and the look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know.

After a few morning kisses, we shared a quick shower and headed to the shooting range to meet Volker.

"Ahh, a bit to the right," Volker murmured to himself as the missile he fired missed the model of the Eiffel Tower he was aiming to. He then turned to Michael and I and presented his 'toy' proudly.

"This baby packs some kick," he announced.

"Very serious, impressive," I lied. I've seen weapons that only their trigger could do more damage that everything Helmut Volker had in his toy-box.

"My youth was a tortured one, Anna," he said, while accepting another missile from his butler, "my father kept all the best toys for himself." Ohhh... poor little rich kid. Volker then raised the loaded launcher, aiming it to the target once again and looking through the scope.

"It's a little bit over my head," he murmured, busy in trying to aim directly to the target, "but with a slight adjustment, I should be able to zero in on the right target." He looked at us and smiled, "It's sort of a smart rocket."

Michael, that was silent until now, shook his hand slightly and said sarcastically, "Something not required of the shooter." Michael's sense of humor peeks in the oddest places. That comment was very un-Michael but soooo cute.

Volker raised his eyebrows and cracked a smile, "All right, Freddie... since it appears to come down to whose is bigger..."

I lowered my head quickly to hide the smile on my face. Volker was stepping into dangerous territory here. Michael is not a man you want to compete with, especially in some particular areas. Michael is a master in all weapons, he has no opponents in that area whatsoever. And about the 'whose is bigger' remark... well, I can tell you from experience that in some things... Michael is not just *gifted* or *expert* but simply, invincible. Believe me, I *know* what I'm talking about.

Volker handed the launcher to Michael. "Please," he goaded.

Michael straightened, took the launcher and traded places with Volker. Michael steadied the launcher in his hands somewhat awkwardly, I knew he was pretending. Volker, who was positive he found something he's better than "Freddie" at, winked at me.

"Umm, It is heavy," Michael commented. Volker just smiled smugly and blew a stream of cigar smoke from the side of his mouth. Michael glanced through the scope and turned his head to look at Volker.

"So I just push...?" Michael "accidentally" fired the missile while looking at Volker and the target blew to thousand little pieces. Volker, who was smiling until now, gave one look at the shattered target and his jaw dropped in surprise. Michael shrugged and handed him the launcher.

"Beginner's luck," he said with a small smile.

Volker handed the weapon to his butler. "I should say," he murmured.

I grinned and stepped closer to congratulate the winner with a kiss. I could almost *feel* Michael's smugness as we kissed. He's just so cute when he's acting like a caveman.

Afterwards, Michael went with Helmut to conclude the deal and I went back to our bedroom. I lay down on the bed with a sigh and my thoughts drifted to Michael's offer to me from a few nights ago. Moving in with him.

I tried to imagine how it could be. No surveillance cameras, the pleasure of sleeping in his arms every night, sharing long bubble baths together, having breakfast together, make love whenever and wherever we want. It seemed like heaven on earth. I made my decision then. I didn't care about Section, about the dangers we will have to face, the price we'll have to pay. There were only Michael and I. Together. Forever. I'll say 'yes', I'll move in with him. I felt so good after I decided that, my heart was so light and happy. I didn't know then what was going to happen. That Section was going to drive a wedge between us again.

Michael came back and told me that Volker has invited us to a brunch tomorrow. It will be our window of opportunity to complete the mission. We spent the rest of the day lounging in Volker's mansion, not doing much of anything. It was enjoyable. It felt like a vacation. And I had the pleasure of teasing and flirting with Michael openly. It was part of our cover, and I'm always the obedient operative, right? Yeah, right.

When night came, Michael and I came back to our room and slid into bed. I rested my head on his chest his arm wrapped around my shoulders, hugging me close. We lay there for several seconds, not saying anything until he broke the silence.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered.

"I'm thinking than I want this mission to be over," I whispered back and pressed a soft kiss to his chest, "and that I want to come back to... our life."

"So do I," he whispered, his cheek pressed to my head, pulling me deeper into his embrace. He has been doing in a lot lately, holing my like I'm going to disappear. I guess it's because he still remembers the effects the Gelman process had on me. My heart breaks when I think of the way I treated him then, the pain in his eyes when I told him I didn't love him anymore. I wanted to let him know that I'm with him and I'll always do whatever is in my power to keep us this way forever.

I wanted to tell him my decision after the mission was over. In privacy, with no interruptions from anyone. So I said nothing more, I just wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, feeling the soothing touch of his hand on my back lulling me to sleep.

The morning after, Michael changed to go to the brunch and I was to go and complete the mission.

"You can't be serious!" I told Michael as I surveyed the skintight black shirt and the even tighter leather pants he was wearing.

"What?" he asked in a feigned innocence, pulling me to him, pressing our bodies close together, "don't you like these pants on me?"

"Oh, I like them alright," I giggled, "the problem is- I like them even better off of you."

He grinned to me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Don't be long," he murmured and moved away, going downstairs to join the party. After wiping the silly grin off of my face, I took the equipment I needed and sneaked into Helmut Volker's office.

I had no idea what was going to happen.

After Helmut found me in his study, me pretending to 'stay away from the noise', our conversation led us to a place I didn't want to go. He asked me to marry him. And ditch 'Freddie'. For money, a lot of it.

He had left me speechless. My mind was working furiously, trying to determine how this was going to affect the mission. But I also had a bad feeling, some uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, like I knew something bad was going to happen.

After the proposal, he left me to think about it. I stood there for several seconds, trying to fight the uneasy feeling that was slowly spreading through my body, and then I went out of the room quickly, straight into the place where Michael was.

I found him surrounded by two giggling bimbos, his gaze indifferent underneath his black sunglasses. I knew those leather pants were going to be a problem. Apparently, I was not the only one who though he would look even better without them.

"Now it's your turn," I heard the dark-haired one say to him playfully, her hand on his chest, sliding dangerously lower, "what's the naughtiest thing you have?" At that second he saw me and I saw his lips quirk a small smile.

"I believe this is her now. Excuse me, ladies," and with that, he pushed them gently off of him and approached me. I quickly came closer to him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. His eyes studied me from under the dark shades. He saw that something was bothering me and he was worried. His eyes asked the question even as his mouth never uttered a word. He knew we couldn't talk then. We had to wait until we left the house.

I told him everything on the way to Section. He was silent for a few minutes, considering the latest news and then looked at me. "Don't worry," he said quietly, one hand sliding off of the stirring wheel to clasp mine, "it'll be alright."

When we arrived Section, all my fears came true. The smug look in Madeline's eyes as I asked her how long I was to stay married to Helmut.

"Indefinitely," she said, her eyes cold and ruthless. They were punishing Michael again, I knew that. For his love to me, for defying them, for rescuing me from the Gelman process, unchaining my true feelings for him. I knew it would come. The time to pay the price.

After the briefing, Michael walked straight to his office, back straight, not looking back. I knew he was going to try and find a way to thwart their plans again, to keep us together. I hoped so much he would succeed.

"Hi, Sugar," Walter whispered to me.

"What is it, Walter?"

"Can I see you in five minutes?"

I stared at him, wondering what he's up to, "Sure."

Walter's gesture was kind and sweet but it scared the hell out of me. He and Birkoff had acted like I was never coming back. I couldn't stay there one more second and listen to their goodbye words. It sounded like I was going to be cancelled. So I walked away, practically ran away, from them, from my fears, from the horrible thought of never seeing Michael again.

I went home, to my apartment, to try and relieve my fears. I went out to the balcony, seeping tea and staring at the view. I did my best to clear my mind, to think of nothing at all, to relax. Then there was a knock on my door. I went back inside and turned the monitor on, already knowing who it was.

I opened the door and stepped aside. "Come in," I told Michael quietly.

"No." I looked in surprise at him. He held his hand out to me, "Let's go out."

I hesitated for just a second before going to get my coat and joining him. We held hands as we walked quietly along the street, neither saying a word. But it wasn't a slow stroll, he was leading me somewhere. I looked at him in surprise again as we stopped in front of a big church. He still said nothing, just held my hand and led me inside.

I never thought this place would make me feel like this but, in a way, being in the church made me feel more at peace, just a little bit better. I sat in one of the pews, Michael right behind me. After several minutes of silence, I heard Michael's soft voice. "What are you thinking about?"

"About the man I'm going to marry," I replied, feeling despair flooding me again. I took a deep breath, "It's one thing to convince... another man that I... love him, enough to marry him," I felt tears rising in my eyes, "But the idea of not seeing you again?" I swallowed my tears. I felt completely lost, and so scared. How will I be able to go through with this? Without him?

"You have to separate Anna's life from Nikita's," he said.

"Is that what you did with Elena?" I asked, desperately seeking answers, trying to find a way to deal with it.

"I tried," he whispered. I gave a big sigh. He tried, not completely succeeding. I know he cared for his mission-wife. And I know he loved his son, and will always love him.

I stared down at my hands. "So," I continued, "even with everything that you... went through, you still think it's possible to hold on to your heart?"

"Yes," he answered, sounding uncertain. After a moment's silence, I heard him again, "We'll find a way to stop this."

I nodded slowly, hoping with all my heart that it'll come true. I felt his arms wrap gently around my shoulders, giving me strength.

Afterwards, I went to Helmut's mansion, to give him my answer. I told him I would marry him. The smile on his face was the exact opposite of how I felt. I was miserable, but doing my best not to show it. As I walked back to my apartment, for what I thought to be the last time, I tried to imagine life as a married woman. A marriage without love, for a sake of a mission, so far away from the man I loved. I knew I had to do what Michael told me to do. I had to separate my feeling, to become 'Anna', the drug dealer, not Nikita. I would have to bury Nikita's feelings deep and become the greedy woman who gave up love for money. I will have to do it, or else I wouldn't survive.

I stared at my empty apartment. Everything except for the heavy furniture was removed, and I stood at the place that I called home for the last couple of years. I descended the stairs slowly into the livingroom. I had so many memories form this apartment. I remembered the first time Michael had brought me there, introducing me to the place that was my first real home, I remembered all the times Michael had been here with me, in turns manipulating me, protecting me, seeking comfort and loving me... I grabbed my purse, donned my sunglasses and opened the door. It was time to go.

As I stepped out of my apartment, I saw Michael turning the corner into my corridor. He stopped in front of me, looking at me in silence.

"We're leaving for Buenos Aires later tonight," I said quietly, not knowing what else to say.

"I know," he replied quietly, his eyes not moving from my face. I removed my sunglasses and stared down at the floor.

"I'm sure he's going to want the deal to go down sometime before we leave," I said. I don't even know why I said that. God knows that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, and I knew that this statement would. I guess I wanted his understanding, his support, I wanted him to know I was reluctant to do this just as him.

In response, he lifted his hand and handed me something. I looked at it. A nam demodulator. I stared at it, understanding that this may be our last chance to prevent the marriage.

"If we want to stop it, we need to know when," Michael explained quietly but purposefully. I raised my head to look into his eyes, afraid to feel hopeful.

"Do you think this is going to work?" I asked. I needed him to reassure me, to tell me it will succeed, that we will stay together.

"If he fails with Red Cell, he'll no longer be of use to them. This marriage will be..." "...pointless?" I finished the phrase for him.

He kept looking at me, scanning every inch of my face. I couldn't stay there anymore, I had to leave.

"I've got to go," I said, but as I started to walk past him, his hand caught mine, palm curling around my fingertips. His fingers rubbed my knuckles delicately and my heart broke. His emotions were clearly written on his face. All the sadness, the anger, the longing and love that I felt. I tried to fight my boiling feeling for a second and gave in. I shook my head sadly a moment before I leaned forward to kiss him goodbye. One kiss wasn't enough, our lips seemed reluctant to part, just like our hearts. His lips were so sweet pressed to mine, it felt so right, so perfect. I wound my arm around his shoulder and caressed his neck and back. My love, I don't want to say goodbye. We stood for several moments with our faces pressed together, our eyes closed, drawing strength from each other.

His presence and loving touch soothed me, gave me hope. I hoped I was doing the same for him, easing his burden, his fears, the quiet desperation I felt in his heart. But I also felt conviction, and I knew he would move heaven and earth to keep us together. I had to go. I had to move away from his touch or I would never be able to let go. It was hard enough as it was. So I moved away, feeling like I was ripped into two pieces. My body was moving away, but my heart was and will always be with him.

So I left, moving away until our fingertips parted, walked down the corridor, not looking back. Goodbye, my Michael.

I went back to Helmut, to my soon-to-be husband. I looked at him, listened to his voice, and all could think about was how different he is from Michael.

Helmut is flowing with compliments, always trying to charm with his words. Michael is quite the opposite. He's a man of a few words, he conveys his thoughts and feelings with a look or a touch. It took me a long time to learn to read him, understand his subtle 'language'. Now I know that his feeling are plainly written in his eyes (when he doesn't choose to hide them), and I know that he loves me just as much as I love him.

After Helmut took me to his bedroom, our bedroom, he smiled and opened a bottle of champagne. He poured it into two tall glasses and handed me one.

"To us," he announced and sipped from his glass. I nodded and sipped from mine. He then put the glass down and wrapped his arms around me.

"Shall we fulfill some husband-and-wife duties, Anna?" he murmured, his mouth coming to kiss my throat. I put a hand on his chest and pushed him away from me. I had to have a few minutes alone so I could activate the device Michael gave me. It was our last chance.

"Bath first," I told him.

His eyebrows raised, "together?"

"No. You. Alone," I pushed him towards the bathroom. He shrugged, with an amused look on his face and started discarding his clothes, walking to the bathroom with another cigar in his hand.

As he entered the bath, I quickly searched through his close to find his cell-phone. "I have to tell you, it's a bit lonely in here," he called from the bathroom.

I found the cell-phone and quickly put in the nam demodulator. "Well, when you come out, you'll have all the company you need," I answered.

He started raising from the bath, I hadn't much time left, "Yeah... humm, I'm all for cleanliness but... uh, bathing first? I don't know. It takes away the spontaneity," he said.

"I'm sorry. Just one of my quirks," I murmured. Come on, come on...

"I expect to find out..." Helmut started again. The words 'End Task' flash on the demodulator's screen. Finally. I disconnected the cell-phone and turned around to face Helmut, the cell-phone behind my back.

"...about all your quirks," he finished the sentence. He was dressed in a horrid gold-black robe. It reminded me again how different he is from Michael, my man in black, and it made me ache inside. I slipped the phone covertly back into his discarded pants' pocket and smiled at him.

He looked at me and remarked disappointedly, "Anna...you're still dressed."

"Well... I thought that you might like to give me some help," I answered seductively and turned around, lifting my hair with my hand. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't Nikita anymore. I was Anna. I had to become her in order to do the job. His fingers undid the hooks in my blouse and he started kissing my neck and shoulders. My heart cried in protest, but my body was participating, playing the game. I was Anna, and Nikita was deeply buried.

Something went wrong. Somehow, Michael's plan failed. I was so stunned when Helmut stepped into the room that I didn't know what to say. He smiled and walked towards me as he saw my stunned expression.

"You seem surprised to see me," he commented.

"N-No, I mean," I stuttered, "I was just ... well, I thought you'd be here sooner." God, that was lame. Luckily, Helmut didn't really pay much attention. He smiled and embraced me. "You must promise to always miss me," he said, kissing me on both cheeks.

I smiled with effort, "Of course." Then he took my hand and announced me that we 'have a plane to catch'.

I sat in the plane and stared out the window. The plane started to move, taking me away from the one I loved. For how long? I didn't know.

As I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that Michael and I really were Anna and Freddie, the two drug-dealing lovers.

In my dream, I stepped into the apartment I shared with my lover and prepared to leave. For good. Helmut Volker, a rich playboy, asked me to marry him and I consented. It wasn't that I didn't love Freddie, I did, I really did. The thing is...

Since my childhood, I've always felt I don't have enough money. My family was poor, and often we had nothing to eat. That resulted in me running off to the streets. I lived in the streets for years, using my body to get money and drugs. Until I met Freddie, a tough drug-dealer.

He caught me trying to pick his pocket but spared my life. He fed me, clothed me, asking nothing in return. After we got to know each other better, he told me that he doesn't use drugs, only sells them. He didn't like to lose control. He helped me to get rid of my drug addiction, and during staying with him, I realized that I was falling in love with him. He fell for me, too, and soon we became lovers. We've been living together for almost a year now.

And then it came, our deal with Helmut Volker. My head spinned as I saw how incredibly wealthy he was. And then he asked me to marry him, for his money.

I gathered my things from Freddie's and mine apartment as the door opened and he stepped inside. He scrutinized me with those green eyes of his and asked quietly, "What are you doing?"

I turned my head, "I'm leaving, Freddie."

He said nothing for a few more seconds, just walked towards the wall opposite me, and then continued, his voice deadly quiet, "It's *him*, right? It's his money."

I didn't answer, just lowered my head. He turned around and stood with his back to me, his arms crossed in front of him.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Freddie," I moved slowly, approaching his still figure, "I've... never meant to hurt you." With that I raised my hand and hesitantly touched his cheek. He slapped my hand away and walked quickly to the bedroom, our bedroom, and slammed the door behind him.

My fingertips felt wet. I touched them to my lips.

Salty. Tears.

Tears?

Can't be. Impossible.

Fredrick Krause, the tough drug-dealer, crying? Did I really mean that much to him?

I woke up with tears on my face. Thankfully, Helmut was sleeping in the seat next to me, so he didn't notice. I looked out the window at the rising dawn, swallowing my tears. I had to be strong now. Goodbye, Michael.

*****

"Do you, Helmut Volker, Take this woman, Anna Gourner, to be your lawfully wedded wife; to love, honor and cherish... as long as you both shall live?" The words echoed emptily in my head.

"I do."

And do you, Anna Gourner, take this man, Helmut Volker, to be your lawfully wedded husband; to love, honor and cherish... until death do you part?" I took a deep breath. That was it.

"I do."

"Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife." I tried to hard to swallow my tears, to hide my misery. I was loving one man, marrying another... I felt sick to my stomach.

"You may kiss the bride."

Helmut stepped forward and kissed me. I felt hollow inside. My heart wasn't there with me. It didn't belong to my new husband, it will always belong to the man I love.

~ The End ~

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