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ATTENTION: Stories marked with an * may contain material which would be better appreciated by those over 18. Parental Discretion is advised. This is your responsibility, not ours.
Madeline ran the briefing. Nikita sat next to Michael and her face screwed up into an expression of distaste as she listened to the other woman describe the details of the next assignment. In a nutshell, a man by the name of Guy Campbell, was a rich sleaze ball who made porno films. He had a list of the names of government officials who were his *clients*. A list that he kept for blackmail purposes. He was extorting a high ranking official at this present time, and the fallout could cause a major conflict. It was up to Section One to get the list.
Nikita would meet with Guy for an audition, and Michael would go with her as back up. They were to leave in one hour. Nikita sighed as she rose from her chair. Although she already knew what the answer would be, she had to ask just one question. "If this GUY hires me. What then?"
Ops offereded a cold smile. "You do whatever it takes," he drawled.
"Easy for you to say!" Nikita hissed. But it was said to his retreating back. She looked over at Michael and saw...compassion....in his, beautiful, green gaze. But it was just a flicker that quickly faded.
Guy Curtis was a pig. That was Nikita's first impression of him. He was of medium height, had two chins, a fat belly, and a thick pelt of dark body hair. He was chomping on a cigar and when he smiled, two gold, teeth glinted at her. His eyes were small, and beady as they eyed her up and down. Nikita felt as if she were covered in slime, and he didn't even touch her. "Seen enough?" She challenged, forgetting to stick to her character.
"Yeah," Guy acknowledged, with a nod of his head that made his jowls jiggle. "Can't use you," he said bluntly. "Your boobs are too small."
"Too...small?" Nikita countered, nearly choking on her words. Not that she was upset, but she was rather....surprised.
Guy swiped at his runny nose with his shirt sleeve as he grinned at Nikita. "That's right, babe. Need big knockers to make it in this business. Sorry."
Nikita grimaced, but stayed in character. "Me too," she replied, pretending to be upset. "I really need the money." Her cover was that she had a gambling debt and need some quick cash. Five thousand dollars, to be exact.
"Well.." Guy dragged at his cigar for a moment, then turned to point at Michael, who was roaming about the film set as he waited for Nikita. "Your friend...him I could use." "Michael?" Nikita's surprise was genuine. "Um...he's my brother. My step-brother." She remembered their cover. "What do you want him for?"
Guy laughed, then shook his head. "Babe, let me tell you, a guy like your brother...a real HOT STUD....pair him up with a beautiful babe, bring in another stud, do the rape/seduction/bondage thing...especially now that all the gays are coming out of the closet... and you've got a runaway best seller of a video!" Drool dribbled from the corner of Guy's mouth and he sucked it back in.
Nikita found it hard to hide her disgust. "Well...I don't think my brother would be interested," she said. There was no way she was going to put Michael in that position. Section be damned. "Thanks for your time." Nikita moved to step around Guy, but he blocked her way.
"You might want to think about it, babe." Guy fished in his pocket and pulled out a card. "Give this to your brother and tell him to call me if he IS interested. We're talking $2000 a day for his efforts. And it ain't so bad, making out with a pretty bimbo and getting paid for it."
"I'll tell him," Nikita replied, forcing a smile. She turned and headed for Michael, the card buried in her pants pocket. She had no intention of telling him anything.
Michael watched Nikita approach him, and saw the fire that blazed in her sky blue eyes. "How did it go?" he asked. Nikita glared at him, although he wasn't the one she was angry at. "It didn't!" she snapped. Then she stormed past him and out the door.
Operations was perched on the edge of the table, his ice-blue eyes locked on Nikita. "So....you failed?" he drawled.
She glared at him. "Don't blame this one on me," she shot back. "It's not my fault I don't have big boobs. You should have known better and sent a Pamela Lee look a like." Nikita saw a strange expression in Operation's eyes and hastened to add, "I am NOT getting a boob job, either!"
Michael was sitting beside her, and he nearly cracked a smile. To distract himself, he addressed Madeline. "So now what do we do?"
She smiled at him. "We send you in."
Nikita was stunned. "Um...wait a minute. Send him in as what?" she countered. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. In response to Nikita's question, Ops pressed a button on the console beside him and voices were heard. It was Nikita's conversation with Guy Curtis. The part about him wanting to use Michael.
"How did you...?" Nikita began. But she broke off when she realized that she had been wired. Walter strikes again. But she glared at Ops. "You don't really expect Michael to perform in a porno film, do you? You can't!" But she realized that they could, and did, expect that.
Madeline looked at Michael and said, "Call him and set up a meet for tomorrow." At his nod, she and Operations walked out of the room
Nikita turned her attention to Michael. He was rising to follow Madeline and Ops and Nikita jumped up to intercept him. "Um...Michael...I'm sorry," she told him.
"Sorry?" he repeated, his eyes glimmering.
"That I couldn't protect you better," Nikita replied. When he still looked confused she added, "I was hoping that Ops and Madeline wouldn't find out about what Guy said about you."
Michael looked down at the floor for a minute, as if lost in thought, then he raised his head and his eyes locked with Nikita. "I don't need protection," he said softly.
Nikita eyes flashed, for Michael's words were like a slap in a face. What she heard was...I don't need *your* help, Nikita. "Fine!" she spat. Then she shook her head and muttered, "Why do I bother?"
"Good question, Nikita," Michael countered, and his eyes shimmered. "Why?"
"Ooooooooh!" Nikita found herself resisting the urge to smack the smug expression off Michael's face. But even as her hand twitched, she realized that there was no expression on his face. When was there? So Nikita turned on her heel and stormed out.
Michael stood where he was for a long moment, and his lips curved into a soft smile.
************
The rain fell in hard pelts, blurring the snow-covered streets in a crystal embrace. The windshield wipers on the old dodge whined and strained against the pounding pressure of the shower and did nothing to clear off the foggy vapor which was beginning to glaze over the entire windshield...blurring Nikita's vision as she flew down the icy streets.
"Nikita...try turning on the defroster," Michael cracked...his face expressionless.
For a brief moment, Nikita could have sworn he was teasing her, but as she looked into his mute face..she could read nothing within it.
"I know that, Michael," Nikita snapped, as her hands reached down to pull on the knob. As it broke in her hand, she held it directly in front of Michael's face and issued a silent challenge.
He saw the button in front of him and looked over at her very angry expression. She was not amused...but it was taking everything he had not to laugh. Fine, so the Section gave her a lemon for their assignment...so she was driving around in a beat up 77 Dodge. So the car had black smoke coming out of its rear, and only one headlight worked and...Nikita was not all that adept at handling a car.
"NOW What?" Nikita hissed, as she reached forward to try and wipe off the excess moisture with her sleeve.
"Why not hang your head out the window like a dog and look for cars?" Michael offered helpfully. He turned his head to stare out his window in time to miss the look of shock which came across Nikita's face and swallowed a grin as he turned back to look at her, stone-faced.
"Was that a joke?" She finally managed to ask, her patience beginning to grow very thin. It was the morning of Michael's first shoot and 'production meeting' with Guy Campbell and he had been...almost giddy all morning...well, giddy for Michael.
She had picked him up at Section and he was wearing an outfit that he had worn when they had posed as husband and wife when they tried to trap Bower, seem tame in comparison. He wore a striped florescent orange muscle shirt under a black leather jacket with some funky seventies style plaid tight pants. She was almost embarrassed to be seen with him as they walked out.
As they neared the car in which Operations had told her to use..as she was the one who had to drive her *brother* to his new job and watch out for him, Michael reached around and grabbed her arm. "This is going to be a long week," he said, his tone not revealing a single emotion. But then he kissed her, passionately...right there in the snow, in front of Section One, in front of the world. Then he let her go, got into the car, and told her they were wasting precious time. Was Michael having a nervous breakdown? Had he finally cracked? As she pondered the thought and drove off down the street, she became quickly agitated by how...frustrating it was having Michael as a *back-seat driver.*
As they later turned down the dingy streets and turned into an abandoned warehouse, she cringed. It was too late to back out now and...it looked as if Michael was actually going to enjoy this.
She saw a brief smile cross his face as they exited the car and he...ran up to the door and inside it, leaving her to lock up the disheveled heap and then crunching through the snow towards the 'funhouse.'
She walked in to find Michael standing beside Guy and a very buxom woman. She walked over to stand next to her *brother* and was astounded to find this woman's...hand curving around Michael's butt. And he didn't even flinch, in fact, he actually smiled down at the woman.
"I'm still not sure about this," she whispered to him, but Guy heard her loud and clear. Crunching on his cigar, he leaned towards her and she stepped back from his stench. "Your brother is going to be just fine, and besides he's a big boy, and he doesn't seem to mind Jessi here at all. Too bad, his other co-star Bobby won't be here till tomorrow but until then, we'll just have a little fun. Why don't we all go into my office and have a little fun ourselves?"
"I don't think.." Nikita began, her voice deep with anger. She was this close to decking Guy when Michael grabbed her arm and began pulling her towards the office. "Come on, Sis. Let's have a little fun." She glared at him, and barely noticed the nod which he gave. Michael was prepared for Nikita to distract Guy--not in the way in which Nikita was thinking him too, but simply by having Guy focus all his attention on her. And in that time...he would steal the disk.
Three hours later, they all stood on the small make-shift set. There was a simple, raggedy brown bedspread on top of a full sized bed. There was an iron headboard, and it was up against a 'wooden' wall which was supposed to resemble the inside of a cabin in a rickety ship. Nikita glanced over at Michael, who guy was instructing on how this scene would be set up: Michael would play a captured sailor and the mistress of the Captain of this ship...played by Jessi, would have him tied up to the headboard and gagged. It wasn't too difficult of a scene really, but the thought still made Nikia gag.
She glanced at Guy's one black eye and swollen lip..and really wanted to deck him again. For the past two hours in his office, he had done nothing but try and come on to her. And Michael did nothing to stop him...so she winded up having to defend herself...which was fine with her. She really wanted to kill Michael right now.
Yet as she watched him lie down on the bed in nothing but an old pair of loose-fitting pants, she felt for him. She then saw as two burly men began to crawl onto the bed and tie him up. Feeling disgusted, she walked over to the bed to look at him and...tripped over the camera wire, sending it careening down onto the bed. The camera crashed down onto one of the guy's legs and barely missed the other one. Michael was smart enough to roll off the bed as soon as he had seen the camera coming.
"Oops," Nikita mumbled as about 4 stagehands rushed over to clean up the mess. They carted the one guy off in a gurney and the other one walked off ran over to Guy. Nikita could read their minds..and she was correct in her assumption as Guy stormed over to her. He chewed her out about the camera equipment and said that she did it intentionally and that if she didn't want to find herself out on the street without her brother, to shape up. Fake tears came to her eyes and she held back the fire which aroused within her and humbly apologized. For now.
During the lunch break, Nikita decided to make amends...with Jessi. She went and bought lunch for them both and they had lunch sitting on the stairwell discussing Michael. Actually, it was more of the Spanish inquisition. Jessi told Nikita all about how she was going to seduce Michael and if she was his type and exactly how big her breasts were. Nikita was disgusted...but she held her grin. She pretended like they were the best of friends. Because within the hour, little Miss Jessi would be too sick to do much of anything...after all, what was a little food poisoning among friends?
Jessi would be too sick to work, Guy would have to call it a day, and they could find the stupid disk and go home. Nikita had it all planned out.
Yet, her plan would soon blow up in her face. As Guy ordered one of his crew to take Jessi to the hospital, he picked up the phone. "What is going on, Nikita?" Michael asked, his face expressionless. He once again sounded like her trainer...*the machine.* "I have no idea." She turned away from him and smiled as they lead the pale woman outside. And she missed the flicker of a smile which came across Michael's face as he mouthed, "Right."
After thirty minutes of wandering around the set, Nikita finally saw Guy wave Michael over to him. As she saw Michael walk out of a dark hallway and towards the large man, she was suspicious for one moment. Michael was grinning..a full fledged smile. Nothing good could come of this.
"Nikita...come here. I want you to meet someone." Guy called the beautiful blond over. Nikita walked over and stood by Michael as a very large, very built man came and stood beside Guy. "This is Bobby, Michael's other co-star. Since Jessi is...sick...today, we will film Bobby and Michael's scenes. We will start with the initial bondage scene, go to Wardrobe," Guy instructed the two men.
Nikita whirled in front of Bobby and decided to change tactics. "Excuse me, you are a big man aren't you? Why don't we leave my lame excuse of a brother here and go have some fun...of our own." Nikita whispered as she leaned forward to nibble on Bobby's ear. Michael nearly choked on his own laughter when he saw Nikita's reaction to Bobby's next words.
"No Thanks. I'd prefer playing with your brother anyday."
************
Nikita was stunned, to say the least, as much by Bobby's declaration as by the look in his dark eyes when he looked at Michael. They glimmered with lust. Nikita's surprise quickly turned to disgust. She shifted her body and was prepared to kick the jerk in the groin, when she was intercepted by Michael.
He had been watching Nikita and had known by her body language, what she intended to do. It would not be cool. Michael sensed that Bobby had seen it too, so he was quick to apologize to the man, and to Guy. Michael then asked for a moment to speak to Nikita, alone. Taking her by the hand, Michael led her off to a secluded corner. "Behave yourself!" he hissed at her.
"Michael, you can't do this!" Nikita countered, her eyes flashing.
"Why not?" he replied, staring at her with cool eyes.
Nikita was speechless, but only for a moment. "Why not?" she repeated, shaking her head. "Are you telling me that you want that...MAN...to touch you, Michael?"
He didn't blink. "No," Michael whispered. "But that's not the point."
"So what is the point?" Nikita challenged, folding her arms over her chest in a defensive posture. Although why she was feeling so defensive, Nikita couldn't say. When Michael didn't respond, other than to look at her, Nikita continued her tirade. "You know, Michael. I've been busting my butt trying to protect you, and you could care less --"
"Just do the job, Nikita," Michael interjected, cutting Nikita off with a sweep of one hand. And with that, he turned and headed back towards Bobby and Guy. Nikita turned to watch him. And if looks could kill, Michael would have been dead on the spot.
Guy had the scene set up for Bobby and Michael. It would be a rape/bondage scene with Bobby as the agressor. A role that the young man was looking forward to. He had the hots for Michael and let it show. Nikita stood on the sidelines, with Guy hovering next to her, and tried to ignore the knot in her stomach, as she watched Michael prepare for the scene. In it, Bobby was to slam him up against the wall then rip his shirt open. Nikita didn't even want to think about what was supposed to happen next.
A moment later the director yelled, "ACTION!" and Bobby made his move.
Michael made his as well. When Bobby's hands gripped his shirt, Michael gripped Bobby's wrist in his right hand and a moment later the big man was on his knees and whimpering. Michael, the operative, stared down at him with cool, green eyes and said, "Don't touch." He then released Bobby and turned to face Guy.
The fat man was outraged. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted at Michael, as spittle flecked his mouth and chin. "I'm leaving," Michael replied, his eyes glinting. He took Nikita's arm and led her off, stepping around Bobby, who was holding his wrist and sobbing that it was broken.
Nikita was thrilled that they were leaving, but confused. She stopped walking and confronted Michael. "What about the job?" she queried. "You do remember the disk?"
Michael almost smiled as he reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket. He had pulled it on as they were walking out. A moment later he held up a disk. THE disk. Then he waited for a reaction from Nikita. Didn't take long. "How long have you had that?" She demanded, her eyes flashing blue sparks.
But Michael didn't answer. He simply turned and walked away. Nikita didn't see the smile on his face.
Back at Section One, Nikita paced in the corridor outside of Madeline's office. Michael was inside, with Madeline and Operations, and Nikita was waiting for him. They needed to talk.
As if on cue, Michael exited the office. He saw Nikita pacing and moved to stand before her. First thing she did was throw a punch at him, which he easily blocked. "Is something wrong, Nikita?" Michael questioned, facetiously. He knew she was furious with him. Her eyes nearly glowed.
"Why did you do that, Michael?" Nikita shouted at him, as she yanked her arm out of his grasp. "Why did you let me believe that you needed protecting?"
"You made that assumption all on your own, Nikita," Michael countered, softly. "I just played along."
Nikita locked eyes with him. "Why?"
Michael shrugged. "To see what you would do," he admitted.
"Another test?" Nikita spat. The thought making her all the more furious. She was so damn sick of being tested.
"No," Michael whispered, as he lifted one hand to smooth a lock of pale hair out of Nikita's eyes. "It wasn't a test," he assured her. "I was just....having fun." At the look on Nikita's face at his words, Michael almost burst out laughing. But he managed to keep a straight face, as he turned and walked away.
Nikita glared at his back, then a smile curved her lips. Two could play at this game. And she intended to win.
When Michael entered his office, later that evening, it was to discover that a lavender rose had been left on his desk, along with a lit candle and a card. They were from Nikita, and she was inviting him to a midnight dinner at her apartment. Michael picked up the rose and brought it to his nose. As he inhaled it's heady scent, a smile curved his lips.
Michael stood outside of Nikita's apartment at exactly midnight. He knocked softly, and the door opened immediately. As if she had been standing beside it, waiting for him to arrive.
Nikita smiled at Michael and couldn't help but notice that his eyes were giving her a thorough once over. Good. She had spent enough money on her dress. He'd better notice. The red satin clung to her curves even as it revealed her back and half of her front. "Come in, Michael," Nikita invited him. And she couldn't help adding, "If you dare."
That was all Michael needed to hear. He smiled softly, stepped inside, then firmly closed the door behind him.
************
The first thing Michael noticed as he walked into the apartment was the soft, warm glow of the dozens of candles which surrounded the otherwise darkened apartment. No other lights shone within the flat, but the flickering shadows created a gentle radiance which only added to the already sensual milieu of the night.
Melodious music played quietly in the background as Nikita took his hand and led him over to the table. "Thirsty?" she whispered into his ear, her voice a throaty resonance. "Thought you'd never ask," he replied, as he watched her walk over to the cabinet. The darkness shrouded her in the kitchen so he could not see exactly what she was making for him. But he knew she had excellent taste, and the wine would surely be of an exquisite blend.
As she swaggered back over to the table, he was stunned when she placed a steaming cup of coffee on the table before him. She noticed a smirk come across his face and she asked him what was wrong. "Coffee?" he replied, a trickle of surprise and amusement coming into his voice.
"You said you liked coffee, so...we're having coffee." Nikita replied, as she quickly brushed her lips across his cheek and walked over to take her seat next to him. She was behaving awfully calm and demure...in truth, she was beginning to scare Michael just a tad.
"I thought we were going to have dinner too, Nikita. I'm starved." He asked as he finished his cup of coffee. It was delicious, a dark, roast blend...with a slight aftertaste, with a flavor which he could not quite name.
"I didn't forget about the food, Michael. You're so impatient sometimes," she replied, a touch of amusement in her voice. Once again, she brushed directly past him, making sure that he felt her sensation as she walked by.
He heard some rustling sounds in the kitchen but did not utter a word. Whatever she was up too, he would find out soon enough. And his throat was suddenly becoming very parched, but all thoughts of his physical ailments disappeared as he stared down at the colorful assortment she had placed in front of him.
"Fruit Loops?" he asked, picking up the spoon in his right hand. Normally, he hated cereal, but he hadn't eaten all day in hopes of a delicate feast...but instead he had been handed..."Fruit Loops?"
Nikita finished taking a small spoonful of cereal and ate it slowly before answering Michael's question, a wicked smile soon crossed her face. "Yes, I told you I liked Fruit Loops. I wasn't lying Michael, on that part Michael. I like cereal, you like coffee. We both get what we want...isn't that what tonight is all about anyway?"
Michael just stared at her as he finished gulping down his cereal...trying to comprehend her meaning. He knew what he wanted, that was for sure...and coffee or cereal was not it. But as for Nikita...he was certain she was ready to kill him, what was it she wanted anyway?
"Coffee and Fruit Loops?" Michael asked, his face once again not betraying any emotion. He was getting more paranoid by the minute.
"No, getting what we want," Nikita purred as she stood up from the table. She had to stop a smile from coming to her lips as she thought of what she was going to do to Michael...tonight she would finally learn the truth. Know once and for all how he truly felt, especially if Walter did his job properly.
She walked over to her stereo and turned on the music. Michael recognized it instantly. It was the song which had been playing when he had tried to seduce her...to keep her from leaving...to hold her in his arms for just a few moments, even though he knew all along that they were being watched. "Dance?" Nikita queried, holding out her hand to him.
He stood up silently, and despite himself, he took it. She led him over to the center of the room and they slowly began dancing. At first, he held her at a distance, trying to read her eyes. But Nikita knew or thought she knew what was racing through his mind, so she decided on a new tactic.
She remembered how it had felt to have his hands caressing hers... a intimate allusion of what would have followed...had the phone not rang. But tonight she was determined...should the phone ring, she would smash it into a million pieces right then and there. But tonight, instead of him leading the invitation..it would be her.
Stepping forward, she tangled her fingers in his hair and molded her body against his. His body stiffened again, but only for a second. Soon they were both moving and swaying to the erotic beats of the music, their souls and bodies seemingly merging into one. His hands moved over her backside and down to trace the curve of her buttocks as she memorized the contours of his face with her fingers, while the other hand rested on his neck.
She could feel that he was flustered and affected by the intimacy of their dance as much as she was. But she had to calm herself because should she let things get too out of control, then her plan would be ruined and she would hate both of them later. After evading his lips for the better part of their dance...which lasted around ten minutes...she finally allowed him to claim her lips.
The gentleness of the kiss shook her...she had expected hard and deep but instead he reached up to cup her head as he gently traced the contures of her mouth with his tongue. It was finally she who deepened the kiss, sending them both into a wave of passion which was unlike anything either had ever experienced.
Finally, he pulled back and looked at her. Her face was flushed but the love which radiated from her eyes was unmistakable. He knew that they would both regret their actions the next day...and if Section ever found out, they could both be cancelled, but at that moment, he truly didn't care anymore. He grabbed her hand and gently led her up the stairs and into her bedroom.
He led her to stand next to the bed, and kissed her passionately once again, his resolve to take things slowly dimming. But she had another plan in mind. She stepped back into a very conveniently situated chair next to the bed and looked up at him. "Take off your clothes, slowly. Perform for me."
He smiled down at her and grimaced. Why was she bringing up whole negative situation with Bauer NOW.
"Fair's fair, Michael. I did it for you, now you do it for me."
She expected him to protest, and was actually amazed when he did it. He moved his hips in a sensual circle as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Her eyes were riveted to his perfectly formed chest...he was truly a masterpiece. He dropped his shirt to the floor, and then began working on his pants. As they slowly dropped to the floor, Nikita was amazed to find him wearing...white briefs. She wasn't sure why she should be so surprised...she just figured everything he owned was black.
Yet, before he could begin to remove them, the still fully-dressed Nikita wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him. The kiss knocked the air out of both their lungs and clouded their senses as she fell to the bed, bring him on top of her. Despite the foggy, erratic thoughts which trickled through her mind, she knew her plan was working perfectly. She was situated in the center of the bed, and she knew exactly where she had previously cuffed part of her plan to the headboard.
As he reached forward and cupped her head in his hands, she allowed her arms to slide down his arms and soon he found her fingers intertwined with his and pulling his arms over her head. The next thing he knew, his hands were handcuffed to the headboard behind her. She was still lying underneath him, and in the position he found himself. He had nowhere else to look but into her eyes. She smiled sweetly as she looked deep into his green eyes.
"Now that I've got your attention, we need to talk. And this time you can't walk away, look away, tell me to do my job, or whatever."
"Excuse me?" he asked, his voice growing hoarse. So this is what she had in mind...this was her way of getting him to talk. Too bad she didn't know that had she only ASKED, especially after the incident in Morocco, he would have gladly obliged.
"Talk, Michael. You and me. I'm tired of being yelled at every time I turn around by either Walter, or Birkoff, or even Madeline about how I don't pay enough attention to exactly WHAT you're saying or how you can't look me in the eyes when you're lying to me. So I figure, in this position, I'll know when you're lying to me, and when you're not. Not that you really have much of a choice anyway," she added as an afterthought, using one finger to trace his jawline absentmindedly.
"What do you mean, not much of a choice?"
"OH, remember that Coffee? Well, it's a special blend. Roast Vanilla with a special truth serum which Walter happened to swipe for me from Madline's office. So...anyway, satisfy my curiosity and I may either un-cuff you from the bed or I'll cancel you, depending upon my mood. Let's begin, shall we?"
Michael groaned and dropped his head only to find her lifting it with one finger and she began firing away her first question of the evening. It was going to be a long night.
Nikita's voice turned oddly emotionless as she began asking the questions. She had seen Madeline do this countless times and perhaps the way to get answers was not by using tears or anger...but by simply firing away. So to speak.
"Let's start at the beginning. Michael, at the end of my two years, I know that you had to decide whether or not I got canceled. You've told me that I passed all my tests, la de da, but I know it had to be more than that. Karyn passed all hers too, and Operations cancelled her anyway. I know he doesn't like me, and whoever he dislikes, usually winds up shark bait. I know if he didn't want to cancel me in the beginning, that he should have wanted to after I blotched up that job at the hotel. Why wasn't I cancelled?"
"Nikita...I...You..." Michael said, trying not to utter the words which are on the tip of his tongue. He didn't want to tell her...he wanted to spare her the pain of knowing...of wondering...of perhaps even fearing. But the look in her eyes was doing wonders to his resistance, along with this fuzzy feeling in his brain as he tried to push back the truth. But the words just finally came.
"You're right. He wanted to cancel you. The day you were up for review, he told me to cancel you. He said not to get too attached to the material...to you. But I already had...I couldn't face losing you. And I couldn't...wouldn't cancel you...I made a deal with Operations. If he would spare you, I would be responsible for your actions. If you failed, I failed. I knew that I was valuable enough to protect you...he would not kill me should you mess up once or twice...and I made him keep his promise. That is one reason I was so upset with you after that hotel thing, I wouldn't have cancelled you. I just didn't have the guts to tell you how close both of us were to being cancelled at that very moment..and I was mad because you risked your life by not shooting that guy. He could have and would have killed you."
Nikita felt an odd cold shiver run up her spine at his words, yet at the same time her body was warmed by them. "So is that one reason why you didn't tell the truth about Julie? About how I risked Milovich's life by protecting her?"
"Yes. And it is also the reason why I took the blame about the tracking device which Suba found. I could see his anger and the way he looked at you frightened me for a second, and I knew the only way to appease his anger was to yell at you, and shift the blame upon myself. You will never know how close we were to both being cancelled, Nikita."
"That explains why you were so cold towards me..." Nikita murmured, as she allowed her hands to move up and tangle in his hair once more. She had seen by the shimmer in his eyes that he was telling the truth...and his words rang of truth...for they made perfect sense once she calmed down and really thought about it. She rested her arms on his shoulders and gathered up the courage to ask the next question.
"Speaking of Karyn...did you have any feelings for her? The way you laughed...smiled..."
He silenced her with a brief kiss and then looked into her eyes. He was ashamed by the hurt which shone from them and knowing he had caused her so much pain. "Believe it or not, I was actually doing you a favor."
"A favor?"
"You were chosen to decide whether she lived or died, oui? I knew right away that you felt as if she were like an innocent, an operative like you who should not have been there. You two were like best friends...but I had talked to Brian, I knew how sick she really was. I also knew that Operations had already decided to have her terminated...he was just using her to test you. If you made the wrong decision, you would be cancelled as well. I felt like a major jackass doing so, but I knew if I could make you jealous...that perhaps you might see her in a fairly different light. Wait, that doesn't make sense." he said as he shifted his weight as much as he could to look down at her.
"Now...when did you first start asking questions about her? Start frowning at her, start trying to pick away at her character? Around the time you saw us flirting, and laughing in the hall. I tried to blow you off when you came around, to make you angry...even at Karyn. And it worked, despite yourself. You even came to me for advice on her, trying to judge my reaction. I tried to tell you to listen to your gut, not to let your own protective feelings toward her cloud your judgment. But we were being watched...always. I couldn't come out and shout, "Cancel her now." And when I found out that you had indeed made the right choice, notice that I wasn't exactly crying for her, in fact, I looked up at you in that window that morning and nodded a silent "Good job." I knew you had succeeded...because you were still alive."
"So you tricked me, again?"
"Nikita...all is not black and white. There are shades of everything. I may have tricked you, but it was to keep you alive, to keep you safe. I even tried to hint what I was doing in my office." Nikita nodded as his words came back to her. "You mean when you said 'You should know me better than that?'"
"Exactly. I meant...you should know how much I care for you. And how I'm not exactly the lovey dovey type to begin with...I thought you could have read my body language and seen what I was doing, to make you jealous."
"But I was determined to think you were scum."
"You still are. And for good reason. Are you finished with the questioning? I'm beginning to get very cramped like this."
"In a minute," Nikita began. She still had way too many questions...and she needed to know that she had his full attention...and that she could read his eyes. She really was tired of everyone always accusing her of not paying attention to Michael's signals, so she was going to have to barricade them in here if she had too until she had at least some inkling into how his mind worked.
"What about Lisa?" Nikita whispered. She could not forget the look which passed across his face as he had stopped her from shooting herself and how painful his own voice had been when he had explained being free. He had sounded like he would have killed to be free in that moment...and she had wondered if he meant to be free..with Lisa.
"Nikita...I never loved her. I cared for her, protected her, felt like an older brother, but nothing more. I hated every moment that I had to lie to her. I felt like I was using you all over again...and I hated to cause her that pain too, especially since her life was always full of pain. But yes, I did care for her...but I didn't love her. I proved how much I did care and how human I can be when I..." his voice trailed off and he looked away. He didn't want her to know what he had done...he had made a promise never to let anybody find out.
"You remember how Birkoff, Lisa, and I hacked into David's computer and accessed all of his records...his bank records?" When she nodded he continued. "Well, I accessed an account of his for a million dollars and withdrew a bank check...for Lisa Fanning."
Nikita looked away and tried to stop the tears which were forming in her eyes at his words. She remembered how he had seduced and betrayed her in a similar fashion...but he had never even seemed to have one qualm about it. Not that she would have wanted money or anything, just an apology...an explanation. And as if reading her mind, he continued. This drug was working wonders, he was just a world of information tonight.
"But I never apologized. I couldn't...not when I couldn't look you in the eye and do so myself. Especially when I couldn't forgive myself for what I did to you. Nikita...I meant every word I said that day...every touch, every glance. After a while I lost myself in your embrace...in your gentle kisses. When the phone rang, I was so close to losing it then and shooting a dozen holes into it. And for the record, Operations did not set me up to it. I wish he had...but once again I used what feelings I knew...or perhaps hoped, were there for me to try and get you to stay. Operations only told me to keep a close eye on you, because with those cameras in your apartment at the time, he knew you were up to something, especially after you pulled that number out of your glove. And they knew all about him...his virus. Operations was wanting you to escape...so he would have an excuse to cancel you. And I had to stop that...to find a way, but I couldn't come outright and beg...I needed you to decide on your own. But I wasn't doing anything I didn't want to...or saying anything I didn't feel, but I couldn't come out and admit what I felt...especially not then. I had to keep my emotional distance to keep you safe...especially from me. Operations found out/discovered my little scheme and was angry...for he was livid that I even had emotions...especially towards you. So I told him that this could be a test so to speak...to test your loyalty to the section, and he agreed. He wanted to cancel you the first time he discovered you even talking to that creep. But I talked him out of it. So I had two reasons to do it: To keep you alive, and at the Section, near me...and because I wanted to be able to show you how I really felt...really cared..even if only for a few days. Actually, I'll also admit, I wanted to see how you felt about me. But I meant...every word."
Nikita wiped the tears out of her eyes and braced herself for the question which was fixing to come...and the answers which she dreaded. And although, she hated the fact that he had used her...she was glad to learn that he cared enough to risk his own feelings...and perhaps future with her...to keep her alive.
"So....It...wasn't...all...a...lie?" she asked, emphasizing each word and looking deep into his eyes.
He blinked and looked down into her baby blues. "You...You heard...that?" he asked, tears filling his own eyes once again as his mind moved away from his attempt to try and get Nikita to stay at the section to the recent events since the 'War.' He could have sworn her saw her eyelids flicker and a small smile on her face in that hospital room, but he had been too messed up to even think about it at the time.
"Michael, I was asleep...at first. But that door isn't exactly the quietest object in the word, and I heard it at first. It scared me...reminded me of a gunshot. Then I distantly heard Madline's voice...and yours. I knew you were there...I had felt you every day standing beside my bedside. I could hear your breathing and I listened as you coaxed me back into the land of the living. Then you left...and it was like a cold breeze drifted across my bed...but I was all still semi-unconscious. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't find the strength. Then I heard your voice again..."It wasn't all a lie," and then you surprised me...you kissed me. I pulled away out of a natural reflex...but yes, I heard every word. I want you to talk now…tell me what part was the lie...and what part wasn't. Now is later."
She was stunned as the tears started flowing freely from his eyes as he looked into hers. "Why bother?...you were right..the real me would disgust you."
"Michael, NO" her voice wrenched out as she embraced him close to her chest. "I said those words because I was hurt...yet again. And I was furious at myself for believing you...and furious at you for saying them...and even madder at myself because I couldn't stop the tears which were fixing to fall. I'm always catching glimpse of the real you...the gentle, loving, passionate, humane side of you. But this isn't my confession time..it's yours. Now what was the lie?"
"I knew we would get out of there alive, Nikita. That was the lie. I meant every other word. You have to understand that once again Ops used our feelings towards each other for the Sections benefit. He knew that you would not crack under torture, but that you would to save my life. As I would yours...one reason why Ops sent both of us. If the sides had been reversed, if you were fixing to be injected or near death, I would...I would have cracked too. He needed Red Cell to discover the location...but he couldn't send in someone to blurt it out or anything...because then Red Cell would not have believed it. They needed to know they had forcibly made someone say it. I HATED that they used us...I even tried to get out of it in his office and after you got captured. But I couldn't...and I didn't have to say a word. We both know that if I had said nothing...you or I still would have cracked. But I wanted to tell you...exactly how I felt. Knowing that you would hate me later...and in a sense, still allowing you to be safe from the darkness which I know lurks inside me. But you are the only part of me which isn't dead, Nikita...you have to believe that.."
Nikita held Michael in her arms and was shocked to discover that he was sobbing. She had not seen him this upset...ever. And she had seen the look in his eyes...and she remembered the way he had turned away when she had asked him about his words. He did mean them...if she had paid attention to his body language at the time, she would have noticed that too. How many more 'blond' moments was she to have around him anyway?
"Shh...I believe you Michael." she soothed and as he looked into the shiny blue depths of her eyes, he saw the truth. She loved him too. Yet, he knew that neither were ready to say the *L* word out loud...but he knew they were there. "I feel the same way too..." Nikita said as their lips locked and the emotion which soared between them was almost painful in intensity. Finally she reached over to uncuff one of his hands when another question popped into her head.
"Michael?"
"Anything," he murmured against her hair...as his newly freed hand caressed her cheek.
"What about Gray?"
************
"What about him?" Michael countered abruptly, hearing his voice grow cold. He didn't want to think about the other man and what he had meant to Nikita.
Nikita heard, as well as felt, the sudden chill emanate from Michael. But she refused to back down. There were things she needed to know. "You told me that Section was going to cancel Gray," she said, her own voice growing colder at the memory. The confrontation she'd had with Michael in his office. When she had accused him of being jealous of Gray and of wanting him dead because she loved him, and not Michael. Michael had faced her and challenged her...'you don't love me...' he had countered, his eyes locked with Nikita's. She hadn't been able to hold his gaze. Not then. But she did so now. "Why were they going to cancel him," she demanded.
Michael didn't want to answer her. Didn't want to hurt Nikita with the truth. But that was what she wanted. "Madeline warned you not to get involved with anyone outside of Section. You didn't listen. And you haven't yet learned that the people outside of Section are considered expendable. Gray was a red shirt, as far as Section was concerned."
"I see," Nikita whispered. "Then tell me why you saved him, MIchael. Tell me that...please."
"Because you cared about him," Michael replied. The drug in his system was no longer potent enough to control his words. Michael was telling the truth now, because he needed to. But he doubted that Nikita would understand why.
Tears shimmered in Nikita's eyes at Michael's words, for she knew that they were true, and she was beginning to understand the sacrifices that he was willing to make for her. "You were jealous of Gray," she commented, a smile on her lips. She figured it couldn't hurt to push for more truth.
Michael, almost, smiled back. "I envied him that he was both FREE and WORTHY to love you, Nikita," he whispered. And found himself blinking back tears of his own. Tears he hadn't wanted her to see.
"And you're not free...or worthy, Michael?" Nikita challenged him, even as it broke her heart to see his tears.
"No, Nikita," he replied. It didn't matter anymore if she knew. "What I said to you about not knowing what love is anymore...that was the truth." Michael's eyes locked with Nikita's. "Remember Simone? She preferred death...by her own hand...to being with me. And I don't blame her. I stopped loving her, yet I wonder if I ever really knew how in the first place. I don't have a soul, Nikita..."
She shook her head, feeling pain and anger swirling deep within her. And it was Michael's pain that Nikita was feeling and her anger was directed at Section One...for they were the ones who had done this to Michael. Operations and Madeline had made him believe that he was no longer worthy of being loved...or of feeling anything anymore. Nikita freed his wrist from the other handcuff, then she pulled Michael into her embrace. "That's not true," she whispered against his hair. "You do have a soul."
For a long moment, Michael allowed himself the luxury of holding Nikita, and of being held by her. But then he pulled away from her and slid off the bed. He reached for his clothes and dressed quickly, all the while feeling Nikita's eyes upon him. Without looking at her, Michael headed for the stairs.
"Don't go," Nikita beseeched him. She knew that if Michael walked away now, he would be out of her reach forever. Nikita went to him, took his hand and pulled him back around to face her. "Don't walk away from me, Michael," she begged. "From us." Nikita saw his eyes flicker. Saw a glimmer of light that quickly faded.
"There is no us, Nikita," Michael whispered. He saw his words cut though her like a knife, but she had wanted the truth. So he gave it to her. "Section won't like it."
Nikita shook her head. "Then why do they keep throwing us together?" she challenged.
Michael sighed and pulled his hand away from her touch. "To test us, Nikita," he replied, shifting back into *machine mode*. It was the only way he was going to get through this. "They're testing me. They gave you to me to train, because I was shutting down after Simone died. After I THOUGHT she had died," he amended. Then he continued, his eyes glancing over Nikita's shoulder. "I'm next in line for Operations. Section considers me to be an investment, one they have no intention of losing."
"Don't say that Michael," Nikita protested. It hurt her to hear him talk about himself as if he were a commodity, and not a person. Somehow, someway, she had to try and reach him. Nikita pressed one hand against his chest, over his heart. "Section can't take away your soul, Michael. Not if you don't let them." Nikita knew that she was living proof of that.
"It's too late, Nikita," Michael replied, pushing her hand away. He locked eyes with her now, and his were cold as ice. "If you never learn, or believe, anything else that I have tried to teach you...never forget that you and I will NEVER be free."
Nikita glared at him. "There's no such thing as free will," she quoted, blithely, remembering his words to her.
Michael smiled then, a curving of his sensual lips that didn't reach his eyes. "Good girl," he whispered. Then he turned and walked away. When he left the apartment and the door had closed behind him, then Michael let his tears fall.
The next day Nikita entered Section One with a determined gleam in her pale eyes. She had spent the night alternately weeping and cursing. And she wasn't sure who she was most upset with...herself, Michael, or Section One. Nikita had finally decided that it didn't matter...they were all at fault, and the one who had suffered most was Michael. So Nikita was determined to confront him today. Michael didn't have to talk, but he damn well was going to listen.
The first person Nikita ran into was Walter, and he didn't even seem to notice her existence, which wasn't like him at all.
"Walter...what's going on?" Nikita asked, seeing the anxiety shining from his eyes.
He sighed then shook his head. "It's bad, sugar," he told her. "Real bad."
"What is?" Nikita felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. “What's going on."
"It's Michael," Walter replied, and he couldn't meet her eyes.
Nikita grabbed him by the shoulders. "What about, Michael?" she demanded, fearing the worst. That he had been cancelled.
Walter patted her hand and said, "He's gone, sugar. Michael is gone."
"Dead?" Nikita whispered, forcing the word past dry lips.
"No," Walter replied. "Not dead....gone. Disappeared. And Ops is furious. He wants Michael found, immediately."
Nikita found that she could breathe again. Barely. "Then what?" she hissed. "They'll just cancel him anyway."
Walter reached op to pat Nikita's cheek. "You just don't get it...do you, Sugar? They won't cancel Michael, although he would probably prefer it."
"To what?" Nikita countered. She coudn't imagine what would be worse.
"To reconditioning," Walter replied. He looked at Nikita with sadness. What she would never understand is the hell Michael put himself through to protect her. He wouldn't undergo the same reconditioning as other operatives. He would be subjected to something much worse. They would never allow him to forget the past, they would make him remember it. Relive it...and then they would remind him of the cost of his mistakes and what was at stake should he ever try again. And the price was Nikita. To save her, Walter knew that Michael would go through hell and back...again and again. But at some point, he would have to break. And when that happened, Nikita would die. And that was the day Operations was living for. The day when every last shred of humanity that Michael possessed was gone.
Nikita blinked back tears. "Do you know where Michael is?" she whispered. She knew that she had to find him before Section did. Knew, also, that she would be watched.
Walter shook his head. "I haven't got a clue, sugar. Wish I did."
"Thank you, Walter," Nikita replied. Then she turned and walked away.
"I hope you know what you're doing, Michael," Walter whispered, as he went back to work. "I pray for you both."
************
(8:00 pm)
The light shining in from the blinds was the only illumination which penetrated the darkness like a knife. The light wafted across the barren walls and the forsaken computer...silently waiting for it's master to bring it back to life. There was only silence within the dark chamber...the sound of breathing barely audible through the dark veil which seemed to cover the room in a depressive aura.
Suddenly a burst of noise came into quiescent room as its heavy metal door was slowly opened.
"Nikita? Briefing in my office...ten minutes."
"Fine..."
The heavy door closed with a bang as Nikita leaned forward with a sigh and placed her hands upon Michael's desk. Reaching forward to touch the monitor almost reverently one more time, she stood up and left the room.
Nikita stormed into Madeline's office and saw Birkhoff surrounded by three seperate computers and a smug expression on his face as Oreo crumbs tumbled from the side of his lips. "So we're going to spend the next few hours going over videos and stuffing our faces while Michael is out there God knows where doing God knows what?"
Madeline sat up from her desk and brushed off her brown pullover. Normally she would not have been so casual but she had a feeling this was going to be a long night. Operations was searching overseas for Michael but Madeline knew that he had not left the country...probably not even the city. Despite whatever Nikita might think, Madeline was on her side. And she knew where Michael was...as she had already had him followed. But she wanted Nikita to learn why Michael might be there...to discover for herself. Once she did...Madeline knew that together, they made one of the best teams Section had ever seen...if they weren't forced to deny their feelings...they would be unstopable. And she would see that Operations would allow them to be together...but first she wanted to have some fun.
"Sit Nikita." The young blond promptly agreed. But her fingers still tapped on the desk in a gesture meant to annoy Madeline...it didn't work.
"I want you to go through all these survelance videos of the past few missions and see if you can determine where he might run in his current emotional state. You were the last one to see him and therefore you are the one best adapted to be able to judge where he might have gone."
Nikita was confused. "What makes you think these videos will help? Why would he return to..."
Madeline sighed with exasperation. "Michael has probably returned to a place where he felt safe...where his emotions can be released without fear of retribution. Someplace where he has learned just a hint of how to be whom he used too."
Nodding silently as Madeline's words began to sink in, Nikita rolled her chair over to Birkhoff. "I figured we'd start with the Chandler case...one year ago," Birkhoff said as he clicked on a button which brought forward a shot of Michael waiting in the van as Nikita 'saved' Alec Chandler from a speeding car.
Madeline watched as Nikita leaned forward in her chair to stare at the man who was pacing like a caged animal on the screen, while rubbing his chin almost unconsciously. *It was going to be a long night.*
(11:15 pm)
Pushing her long, curly hair off her shoulder, Lisa Fanning stopped in her tracks as she heard a soft knocking at her door. Four months had passed since her husband had been taken away, never to be heard from again. During that time, she had allowed few visitors...as she was taking time out to think things over.
She glanced out the glass windows before she approached the door as a flash of lightening streaked across the landscape. The thunderstorm which had moved in less than ten minutes ago was already in full force...the wind blowing at gusts up to 30mph. Looking through the peephole to the door, she gasped. "Michael?"
Opening the door, she found the man who had freed her not only from her violent husband...but from the private prison she had put herself in years ago. Although he had seduced her for his *job,* she had caught the glimpse of sadness in his eyes as he had apologized and after time...began to realize what he had done. He had not meant to hurt her, but it was necessary...and the lives of many innocents had been saved.
"Michael?" she repeated as she stared at his rain-stained face. He was completely soaked and trembling beneath the pale light of the porch. He looked up into her astonished face and simply pleaded..."Help me..."
Lisa stepped forward and was surprised to find him accepting the hug she so readily gave him. One thing she had noticed before when they were...together...was that Michael was not one to initate the physical contact. He had even tried to pull away during hugs and the few times they had...well, he had still been distant...especially emotionally. But now he was like an open wound...the tears intermingling with rain as she slowly drew him inside the house.
"What's wrong?" she asked. What he was doing here did not matter...the pain was clearly written across his face and all that mattered in that time was how he felt. She cared for him only as a friend now..why she could not fathom. Something told her to listen...to be there...to wait...
"I...I...how...soul...no...to...how...what...is..." Michael began...trying to force the words out of his mouth, but instead they were all coming out like a word salad.
Lisa couldn't follow his logic just yet, but something told her to wait...eventually he would come to her. Something told her this was a revelation of sorts...of what..she didn't know. Leading Michael into the living room, she told him to sit while she fetched fresh towels and some food.
(1:00 am)
"Stuffed Birkhoff?"
The young genius looked over at Nikita and groaned. During the past six hours they had looked through many...many...many survelliance photos of Michael and were getting nowhere. Nikita was learning all sorts of things about Michael she never knew before and her and Madeline were actually talking about men and some of the stupid chowing down on Oreos and various other snacks and was now getting sick. And the conversation wasn't helping any. "Shut up...have you found anything yet?"
Nikita stretched back in the black leather chair which she had stolen from one of the *meeting* rooms earlier and yawned. "I've discovered that he likes chocolate syrup with his Cherrios, owns a freaking cat, and that he's apparently saved my butt more times than I care too admit and I"ve been a complete jerk about it...other than that, no."
Birkhoff just stared at her for a long moment. "Just checking."
Nikita smiled wearily at Birkhoff. She really was learning some things about Michael which had shocked her...other than the fact that he owned a cat. (But, she also realized that he made such a big deal about the cat because he was jealous of Alec Chandler...she had witnessed that insane conversation between he and his own white kitten two hours ago while going over the Chandler files. Not that she could say anything...she talked to her cat all the time.) Anyway, he had risked everything time and time again...and she learned that without him...she would have been cancelled immediately. *Ops words about becoming emotionally attached to the material...Michael didn't deny it...in fact he said "It's not that...I think she would make a good operative"..even then he had...* "Nuff lying around, let's get back to work Birky."
He shot her another look. "BIRKY?" and she simply laughed. This night was actually getting better and better...
(2:10 am)
Lisa heard the thunder crash outside her window and realized that the storm had not yet passed. Hearing a howl above the storm, she remembered that she had left her precious Alaskan Husky outside and had forgotten to let him in. After rushing downstairs and letting the dog in, she realized that Michael was still up.
In fact, he was up and standing beside the glass window...looking outwards into the storm. She saw the tragic look on his face through the reflection in the glass and began walking forward.
He saw her own reflection coming towards him and shocked her with a simple question.
"What is Love?"
Not knowing exactly WHAT Michael was speaking of, she decided to lighten the mood a bit with one of her favorite poems. "Love is gentle...love is kind," she began as she heard him chuckle. His heart was not into the laugh but she knew it was a start..
"It's corny I know. But Michael...you of all people should know."
"What?" He replied, his voice betraying no emotion.
"To show affection."
Michael sighed and looked back out the window. In it, he simply saw Nikita's face and whispered her name...He did it so softly that he was sure he didn't even hear it himself...much less that Lisa heard it. But she had.
He turned slowly and looked over at her. "Is that all? How is one supposed to know? I don't know what love is anymore."
"You helped me understand what love was. I know you didn't love me...but you cared...I could see it in your eyes. It's hard to put a definition on love...nobody ever has. I thought it was sexual attraction...or just simply attention. Both of which you and David gave me. But Love is...it's...more than a strong affection...it's a warm attachment...like you don't feel alive in the morning until you see the other person. It's to cherish that person above all things...to take pleasure in their pleasure...to feel their pain...want the best for that person...letting that person go when it's best for their needs, even if it destroys your own. It's also a caress...touching someone to reassure them or just to let them know you're there. And it's not only physical...caressing someone with your eyes is another way. If you try and put a dictionary definition on it, it's either a strong affection or a score of zero in tennis."
Section....2:24am
"How the hell did you find this? Are you looking through his apartment files again? Nikita...we don't have time to stand around and watch,"
"WHOO-HOO! SHAKE IT BABY," Nikita howled jokingly she glanced towards the screen. Madeline walked over and stood behind and began laughing silently herself. Birkhoff simply sat in his chair and covered his eyes...murmurring something about Michael was going to kill him.
On the screen was a pic of Michael trying to peel his way out of one of his extra-tight field uniforms which was currently rain-soaked and glued to his tight body. Nikita chuckled as she watched him stumble and wiggle his way into clutching at the tight fabric. "Either he was very drunk or very tired after this mission," she laughed, wiping the tears from her own eyes. Tonight had been so emotional that this was a great release.
Madeline leaned down and placed her head closer to the monitor herself. "I think he was just very tired...but those uniforms are awfully tight anyway and when it rains they're almost impossible to take off...or in Michael's case...shake off..."
"What is he doing???" Nikita almost screamed as Michael fell over the couch in his living room while struggling to pull down the bottom part of the uniform. He had already unzipped and had the top half off, and was bearing his chest to the very impressed Nikita and Madeline, who had both "awwww"ed as he had wiggled out of it and fell into the recliner. Needless to say, as soon as he hit the couch, the back of his tight uniform ripped...revealing a full moon to everybody (which at the time he thought he was alone in his apartment). "Whoa...nice buns!" Nikita whispered. Then he simply reached back, grabbed the torn fabric and ripped the entire uniform off. At the same time, Birkhoff reached over and clicked on the off button.
Nikita and Madeline both shot him a dirty look. "You're no fun."
Fanning Mansion...2:45
When she didn't get a response as he turned and looked out the window, she pulled up everything she could remember of seeing Michael and Nikita together. A part of her had known instantly that Nikita was in love with Michael...her face every time Michael was around. Her silent pauses and look of brief flash of heartbreak at the mention of his name. And now a picture was slowly forming in her head...Michael loved Nikita too.
"Michael...remember one of the things I said. About love being when the person is essential part of you. The person is always on the edge of your mind...always there reminding you of your faults, and your bonuses. Remember that day we made love...when you were softly caressing my arm? You getting out of bed was not what woke me up...it was a soft murmur..."Nikita." You said her name Michael..and your voice was filled with such longing and sorrow that I almost flipped out of bed. But I wanted you...and You were my lifeline at that time...if I let you go, there might have been no way to escape David. And after you came in...after David was captured...Michael, you looked at me when I was talking to you...but your eyes kept flickering back to her."
"You were super cold when you first came in, your eyes clear. But one look at her...especially when she was near crying...and your own eyes turned red and you looked sad. You looked more ashamed at hurting her again than me. That was one reason I nearly turned the gun on myself...I couldn't kill you because I knew why Nikita had had to do it...she was my friend...and she was in love with you. In that moment...I knew you were in love with her too. You even mentioned her name first...and you sounded like you valued her freedom as much as, if not more...than your own. You felt her pain...you wanted to comfort her...she was always on your mind...you even touched her more in the park that one day when we first met than you looked or touched me. And you also tried to prevent some pain in the park too...I noticed when she was looking...you didn't like to be touched. Only when I tried to pull away...did you *do your job.*"
"I'm sorry," Michael interrupted, tears filling his own eyes. The truth was overwhelming him...hitting him in crashing waves as his mind flashed over the million times he had shown his *love* for Nikita.
"Don't be. I'm glad you already know how to love. You love Nikita."
He simply turned around...looked at her...and smiled. The tears hit his lips and he tasted the salty tears...but he didn't care. He was realizing that he had possessed it all along...that not only had Nikita helped him heal...but he had helped himself. Lisa simply walked over, kissed cheek and walked away.
(5:25 am..Section One)
As she listened to Birkhoff's heavy snoring next to her, Nikita reached over and clicked on the next scene button on the monitor. She had been watching some boring interplay in Operations office between Ops and Michael about Kessler and his attempt on Madeline's life. She doubted Michael would have returned to the ditch where he had had to impersonate a woman.
Finally, Madeline stood up and walked over to Nikita. She had hoped that they would have made more progress by now but Nikita was getting restless and Madeline was getting just plain tired. Operations had been satisfied to learn that Michael had been *sent on a mission by Madeline to retrieve confidential information on a potential recruit.* And Madeline didn't think in her current state, Nikita would guess his location on her own.
"Nikita...think of a time when you saw him happy...or at least he gave off the impression that he wanted to be happy. Where he was smiling, and warm...and he cherished his brief FREEDOM."
"Lisa?" Nikita questioned, a jealous streak coursing through her...despite herself.
"You have no reason to be jealous Nikita. In fact...there's something you should hear."
Madeline pulled out a similar tape to the one Michael had given Lisa...*I know you hate me now and you have a right too. The money is not a plea for forgiveness nor is it a gift. You earned it. Your actions helped save many innocent lives. Learn to fly...take up painting again, and never be with a man who fails to treat you as you deserve.*
Tears filled Nikita's eyes as she realized exactly what Michael had done...but why? Madeline sat down and placed her hand on the young lady's shoulder.
"Because it's what you would have done. And it's how he wanted to be...or how he used to be. Nikita, this was not his first act of retribution...but one of his best. He showed that he had the capacity to care...non-sexually...and he showed it not only to use but to you as well.."
Nikita stood up and slowly reached for her purse. "Thank you Madeline...I think I know where to find him."
Madeline walked over and picked a piece of lint off Nikita's jacket...it was a *motherly* thing to do and she was amazed Nikita allowed her to do so. "Michael can come back. Operations thinks he's on a top-secret mission in New York...he will not be debriefed...except by me. You both have a couple of days off...to spend together. In those days, I will convince Ops that you two work best as a team...when you're not fighting nor lying to each other. You have Sections permission to be together. As long as it does not interfere with your jobs. Now...go get him."
"But.."
"If you want to see his cute little butt, you'd better hurry. Go.." Madeline smiled softly and then left the office for home....
(6:15 am)
Lisa heard another knock at the door...the storm had passed and everything was eerily silent...until now. Putting on her robe, she hopped down the stairs...but she didn't even have to look through the hole to see whom it was.
Nikita found Lisa throwing open the door and staring at her. "Took ya long enough."
"How are you Lisa?" Nikita said, trying not to seem too eager to get inside.
"Get in here...I know you didn't stop by at 6 am just for a visit. Come on...he's asleep in the blue room." Lisa took her arm and led her inside, shutting the door behind her. "You look tired...how much sleep have you gotten over the past few days?"
Nikita was stunned at the friendly, almost sisterly attitude Lisa was taking towards her. She had thought she would be furious...but instead Lisa was smiling as if she knew some secret that she couldn't wait to divulge.
"Not much...been too busy looking for him."
Lisa stopped at the door to the guest bedroom and looked at Nikita. "Well, go in there...crawl in bed with him and pass out. When both of you are fully awake and ready, I'll have breakfast made."
"Thank you Lisa..." Nikita whispered and Lisa took her in a big bear hug again. "You're welcome...but next time you want me to watch him, you'll have to remember I charge ten dollars an hour and you have to bring an extra change of clothing." The two women laughed and Nikita silently entered the room.
Nikita watched as he lay silently on the huge bed which lay in the center of the room. He slept like an angel...and her heart felt lighter than it had in years. As she removed her shoes and her pants, she realized that this in a sense was true freedom. Not only had Madeline offered it to them...but she realized that she was willing to let her feelings go herself. Ready to open up to the man who had proven time and time again that he cared...who loved.
Michael stirred as he felt a pair of soft hands wrap around his waist and long hair tickle his nose. Nikita laid with her head on his chest and he turned towards her on his side, dragging her with him. Soon they were facing each other, snuggled into a tight ball almost. They were both so exhausted that all Michael could do was look into her blue eyes and smile...and her reaction was priceless. She reached up and kissed him with all the love she felt after seeing that smile. It was a smile of hope...of promise...of love.
As they cuddled together and she began to fall into a deep sleep, she heard him murmur, "Love is gentle...love is kind." Then he shook the bed gently as he tried to get more comfortable with her almost melting beneath him.
The shaking is what caused it..she had this sudden flash of him stripping in his apartment, and the site of his rear as it stuck up in the air as he hung over the couch. Her hand lowered down and into the back of his underwear and she squeezed his bare flesh. "Love has a very gorgeous behind."
She felt him chuckle above her and the sound was like music to her ears. "You have a very dirty mind."
"Be nice or I'll sick Bobby after you. Besides...that's what ya love about me." She snuggled into his chest once again and 'fell into a deep sleep.'
Michael kissed her temple and looked down upon her resting form. "Yea...I love you..."
Seconds seem to fly by as he contemplated the sound of those words. She couldn't have heard him...she'd been asleep. What if she didn't want to hear this? Why couldn't he admit it to her face?
"I heard that...I love you too, now shut up and go to sleep."
They both laughed silently and they're arms tightened around each other. They fell asleep in each others arms as the dawn began to break over the horizon. They had finally found home...and love...within the Section. And the very next day, Michael bought Nikita a white kitten of her own...with whom they both now share intimate conversations with and will...for many years to come.
The End of Dirty Minds.
--By Shelly (Odd Chapters) and Laura (Even Chapters).
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