(Author's note: although the following three poems do not relate, directly, to LFN, they were posted on the Story Boards and inspired by conversations with LFN fanfic authors.)

Warn your friends and loved ones: it's neither safe, nor funny,
To incite the wrath and vengeance of a warren of Dust Bunnies.
I was certain I'd put my heinous crime behind me-with a nervous laugh-
And thought my methodical Spring-Cleaning wouldn't have an aftermath.
But, this was a foolish belief, on my part-I should have reflected:
Dust Bunnies-like other sentient beings-can be well connected.
I did not realize the relatives of the Dust Bunny I vacuumed
Might become bitterly determined and spitefully consumed
With making me gnash my teeth, lament, and sorely pay
For their harmless, fuzzy kin I so ruthlessly cornered and betrayed.
Little did I know-they did not advertise the fact-
The Dust Bunnies, in my home, with neighboring Gremlins had a pact
To support each other through dangerous and troublesome times.
They met, in secret, to plan a suitable punishment for my crime.
It started, so suddenly, it was difficult to comprehend or believe
Such cute and cuddly creatures were determined to make me grieve.
One night, I heard rustling noises, scuffling, and a clink-
And, next morning, all my dishes were piled, dirty, in a clogged kitchen sink.
I might have thought this act was strange, but random,
If the Gremlins hadn't joined the fray-acting in tandem
With their allies to hit me with a well-orchestrated techno-blitz:
Sabotaging household appliances and putting my computer on the fritz.
After that, anything electronic or mechanical-from VCRs to ceiling fans-
Fell prey to the busy Gremlins' talented and nimble hands.
Meanwhile, the Dust Bunnies hid my mop and brooms,
While training a commando squad to take out the dreaded vacuum.
Surrounded by dumped laundry hampers and scattered bags of trash,
I was prepared to reach a settlement-sign a treaty or give them cash.
But, the Dust Bunnies weren't through with their wrath or grieving,
And I soon feared they were determined to stay until I was leaving...
But, fortuitously, it was the raid upon my chosen weapon of destruction-
The vacuum cleaner-that led to my tattered hope's reconstruction.
The Dust Bunny commando squad crept over to the vacuum and slit the hose;
But, it was when they cut into the vacuum bag, itself, that a commotion arose:
Out popped their fluffy friend-the one they'd thought was lost-
And that had led the Dust Bunnies and Gremlins my home and possessions to accost.
It seems that, all this time, the little fellow wasn't dead, but caught-
Held prisoner, within the vacuum bag: Dust Bunnies are tougher than I thought.
So, I parlayed with the celebrating Dust Bunnies-and they advised me to beware,
Provide a safe home for their kin, and to take due and proper care
Not to provoke another campaign of clutter and mechanical disaster.
I've learned my lesson: my home is now a haven for Dust Bunnies-all they're after
Is a place where they won't be hunted by brooms and dust pans, or have to live in fear,
Hiding under the refrigerator, until the housecleaning is finished and the coast is clear.
So, if my house is messy, you now know the cautionary tale and reason-
And I'd advise everyone to think carefully before declaring open season
On the Dust Bunnies in their own homes-for, if you start that fight,
You may find *yourself* hearing soft scurrying sounds in the middle of the night...

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