Spoiler warnings for FLYF and anything that preceded it. This muse wouldn't let me sleep after watching the infamous episode and this is what came out. As always, none of these characters belong to me, I'm only borrowing them.

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"I don't love you. I never did." The words echoed in Michael's head as he traversed the forest, away from the Section team who would no doubt come after him. He believed the words. He believed that his last hope for life and love had truly died with Simone. He *knew* that it was wishful thinking on his part that she let him go for any other reason than pity or gratitude. Perhaps she was repaying a debt for *his* saving *her* from a fateful suicide mission three years ago. Whatever the reason, didn't matter anymore. Ever since he entered Section, his life had become a house of lies and loneliness, most recent events reminding him of those facts.

His reason for living, the only person he'd ever *really* trusted had turned him in for betraying the organization he'd pledged his lifelong allegiance to. Michael had realized as soon as they were captured by Section something was wrong. He hadn't wanted to believe, but walking into that room, with Nikita sitting there so comfortable in her role, confirmed what he hadn't wanted to see. Nikita hadn't been his in three years, if ever. She belonged to the Agency.

Michael supposed he'd been delusional. He'd actually chanced the belief that after ten years of hell, he had actually been allowed entrance into heaven. The time spent with Nikita 'on the run' had been the happiest since his indoctrination into Section One over a decade ago. He should have known better. It was instead, the final nail on his coffin - the final confirmation that he wasn't up to Section standards, that he had betrayed Section (and Agency) protocol.

This last suicide mission would have at least allowed him death on his own terms, for that was all he had left. In the end, he couldn't blame Mr. Jones for his decision. Michael's loyalty had been compromised beyond repair - unacceptable in the world they lived in. He should have known, his Section life had been just one test after another, why did he think Nikita wasn't another one?

Michael had been grateful for Walter's offer to stave off the grim reaper, but he couldn't accept it. All that he had believed in for years had been a lie, he had no reason to return from the abeyance mission. The future he had hoped for and dreamed of, nothing but illusion. *Everything* between them a lie. Hope did not even flare up again when he saw Nikita rather than a room full of terrorists. Michael had believed the truth of them before Nikita spoke those seven little words, reminding him of what a lie his life had been the last three years. She never loved him, only used his hard won resurfaced emotions against him to test his loyalty. He'd failed the Agency's biggest test and soon would suffer the consequences.

Revenge had never entered his mind. He had no right to it. He'd failed the organization that was his only chance for redemption of his sins. Michael would offer no excuses for his behavior. He put something and someone ahead of his one and only *real* wife - Section One. He welcomed the consequences now. He'd told Nikita the truth all those months ago, after he'd deprogrammed her and then again when he'd rescued her from the madman who'd kept her prisoner in his basement. The job wasn't enough for him anymore, without Nikita, nothing else mattered anymore.

Nikita had done something no one else, not even Simone, had been able to do since Section became his way of life. She'd burrowed under his defenses and gave him hope for the future. He recalled a line from a barely remembered movie: AHope, is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." Nikita had come into his life at that time and Michael had dared to believe in hope and other 'good things.' He now knew it for the folly that it was - hope did die, painfully, especially for the unworthy.

Michael was, in his own eyes at least, unworthy. His 'comeuppance' was no more than he deserved for his 'sins.' Besides, he had nothing left to live for, anyway, Nikita's 'betrayal' killed *all* his emotions and he saw no point in living without them. He'd let Nikita close enough to hurt, and hurt him she did. She stripped him of everything, making him question and doubt *all* he'd believed in.

Michael was grateful to Nikita for the temporary reprieve so that he could achieve closure. He'd refused the field router because he had always really been on his own, only able to count on himself. But, he had no intention of running forever and alone. He was tired of it and now only needed enough time to protect the only good thing that had been borne out of his existence - Adam. Michael would evade Section and the Agency long enough for one last mission, to ensure the safety of his son. He'd call in his markers, every last one of them, to make sure his son lived a long and happy life, it was the least Michael could do for the son that should have never been cursed to have him as a father. Once he completed his final mission, Michael would go quietly into the night.

How different they had really been, Michael sadly contemplated. He was emotionless on the outside and emotional on the inside, while Nikita it seemed, was his complete opposite: emotional on the outside but emotionless on the inside.

The complete irony of the situation did not escape Michael. The man who was supposed to be a machine; unfeeling, cold and ruthless was finally done in by his emotions. It was Nikita, not Madeline and Operations, who had finally succeeded in destroying his emotions and humanity.

Now they were both left alone and unfeeling, one bound to the organization, the other on the outside, both lives turned upside down. Yes, Michael and Nikita had certainly come full circle, in this role reversal, the only difference being the motivation for aiding an escape. Three years ago, it had been out of love. This time it was to repay a debt.

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In the dark so all alone
Slowly reach for the telephone

A message waits just for you
A secret place, another rendevous

It's not always honesty
That is the best policy
But little lies can give you away
Though you'll deny it if they say maybe you're just
Leading A Double Life

- Styx "Double Life"

"I don't love you. I never did." No bigger lie had ever been spoken. Nikita had let Michael go, an ironic role reversal for them. He'd given Nikita her freedom three years earlier. That decision had set their paths and put them where they were.

Nikita had convinced Michael that she didn't love him and never had. He was just a mission. Mr. Jones needed to test him for a future role in the organization. His loyalty had never come into question before, not even with Simone. Defying Section and their cancellation order for Nikita brought him to unfavorable attention. Jones had originally agreed with George, favoring Michael for an Oversight position in the future. He needed to know how far the level five operative would take this mutiny. He had gotten his answer over the last year and Michael had consequently become an unpardonable liability.

At first Nikita thought Michael would, as always, find a way out, using the suicide mission as a cover to escape. That's what she thought he intended by requesting an abeyance mission. Knowing Walter would help him was why she allowed the older man one last mission before his transfer. Watching him refuse Walter's help drove home the fact that he had believed her performance and had given up, resigning himself to join the many who had lost their lives for the 'greater good.' Nikita knew she could not let it happen. Michael had no future in the world they lived in. His 'weaknesses' had been exposed and there was no going back. As he had done for her when she thought she needed out, Nikita would make sure Michael escaped.

Nikita knew the only way Michael would leave her behind was if she convinced him she didn't love him, he was just an assignment. It had to be done. The only way to ensure his continued survival was for her to stay behind and keep would be pursuers at bay. Nikita was sorry now that she hadn't pressed him to take the router but at least *she* was able to use it to give him a head start.

With Walter's 'demotion,' Jason's 'promotion,' Madeline's 'death' and Michael's 'escape,' Nikita's mission was over, after three years her double life had finally come to an end, facing a lonely existence again, any she dared to call friend over the last six years lost, one way or another. All the phone calls and secret meetings with the Agency finally at an end.

Had she been honest with Michael, it would have been the end for both of them. She was glad she was able to pull it off, her lies not giving her away until it was too late and Michael was out of reach. By the time Nikita returned from Michael's abeyance mission, she'd be ready to face the consequences for her actions. She knew she wouldn't be canceled, but rather 'allowed' back into the fold, they *did* owe her this. Nikita, though, hadn't really been worried for herself anyway, but rather for Michael, for she would be his only firewall from the Agency and Section. Her continued service in the Agency was a price she was more than willing to pay for his continued well being.

To know that she was even partly responsible for Michael's life on the run from the only life he'd known for over a decade shamed and saddened Nikita. He had continued to believe in Section's goals, no matter what they threw at him. Just when he was close to obtaining the Perch, she'd goaded Michael into running - the ultimate and most unpardonable offense against the Agency. All he wanted in exchange for his infinite loyalty to the cause was a little bit of peace. Unfortunately, the two were mutually exclusive.

Nikita once again thanked god for her acting talents. Had he believed she really did love him, Michael would not have left her behind and she doubted she'd have the willpower to stay behind. *That* would be a fatal mistake for Michael. While Nikita would be forgiven, Michael surely would not. At least from her position in the Center Nikita would be able to watch over Michael (albeit from afar) as he had done for her in Section for the last six years, not knowing it was himself who had *really* needed the protection.

She'd done all she could for him once she had found out what Michael's fate would be. She'd shown him how to live on the run and evade capture, from both the Agency and its enemies. She'd shown him where to hide, how to change his appearance and how to access necessary funds.

Unfortunately, from what Nikita saw as he was leaving, it seemed that she was too good an actress, killing everything in Michael she had fallen in love with. Luckily, there was still Adam. Until he 'moved on' his son's safety and well being would be Michael's lifeline, or so she believed. As for herself, Nikita convinced herself that Michael's continued survival would be enough to sustain her.

After years of pretending to be in love with the man who's outward personality she was supposed to emulate internally, Nikita had fallen in love with his 'soft side,' the same side *she'd* been outwardly emulating the last six years. How ironic that with Michael, her 'main' mission, there was never a masquerade, a double life.

Now they were both left alone and unfeeling, one bound to the organization, the other on the outside, both lives now turned upside down. Yes, Michael and Nikita had certainly come full circle, in this role reversal, the only difference being the one who was left behind enslaved to the world of antiterrorism.

END

The quote about hope was taken from a movie I'd seen for the umpteenth time last week (gotta love TBS and TNT), "The Shawshank Redemption."

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