when you threaten to love me
i get so scared
i remember the times when that
was held as a carrot under
nose, a stick to whip me with
it's so much easier to not deal,
to ignore it
of what consequence could it
possibly be in the grand
scheme of it all?
how does it signify?

in this realm the rules are different
love is a commodity to be bartered
and sold, used as weaponry
hearts and souls moved and manipulated
like so many chess pieces
surrender your sovereignty at the throne
of the greater good
or tighten your grip and watch it wither
and die, breaking under the weight of
unspeakable acts
after you lose more than is bearable
the choice becomes easier
survival itself becomes the main objective

my pain is private, its not open
to public inspection
i handle it as I do but i fear for
the foundation of who i am
i cover so much of what is true
there is hardly anything real
left

i'm tried of the pretense, the
endless acting

i dread learning that i have
hidden my soul for so long
that it has died
and in its place, there is nothing
but then i look at you and
i dare to hope, dream.

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