KEY - see below (couldn’t get italics to work, sorry, it’s a little confusing)

“yadayada“ = actual dialogue (M & N) (Director) (RD & PW)

*yadayada* = whispers out of earshot of microphones, visuals out of camera angles (RD & PW)

/yadayada/ = thinking to themselves (RD & PW) (Director)

HARD LANDING PART ONE (rocking the boat)

Michael throws Nikita to the mattress, leans over her and kisses her soundly. Nikita responds, Michael breathes heavily.

MICHAEL: “I was afraid I’d lost you.”

NIKITA: “You never had me.”

RD: *you look sexy in that tank top.*

PW: *thanks, ouch, you’re heavy, careful.*

RD: playfully says *your nipples are hard.*

PW: *and you’re not? watch where you’re pointing that thing* /thinking to herself that it’s kind of flattering that she arouses him/

RD: *you complaining?* as he leans in to kiss her.

PW: *hey, watch the tongue, you’re not supposed to give tongue, I’ll report you to SAG (Screen Actor’s Guild)*

RD: *remember? this is supposed to be convincing, can you squirm a little here, I’m doing all the work.*

PW: through clenched teeth *squirm? with you on top of me? I don’t think so.* (Michael lifts Nikita up toward him so that they are knee to knee.)

RD: *that better? now lean into the kiss*

PW: *puhleese, if you don’t keep that tongue in, forget it.*

RD: *this IS supposed to be a passionate encounter Ms. Ice Chip*

NIKITA: “MS. ICE CHIP????” she says loudly, quickly followed by *oops. sorry* from PW.

DIRECTOR: “CUT, CUT! OK you two, I know this is difficult and sensitive, but let’s try to focus a little more here, please? Start from the first kiss again.”

RD: “Sorry.” (giving ‘the look’ AKA blank stare, to PW)

PW: “Sorry.” (sticking her tongue out at him when he turns around)

DIRECTOR: “AND....... ACTION!”

Michael throws Nikita to the mattress, leans over her and kisses her soundly. Nikita responds, Michael breathes heavily. /PW wonders to herself if maybe RD has a sinus condition/

MICHAEL: “I was afraid I’d lost you.”

NIKITA: “You never had me.”

RD: *sorry*

PW: *me, too. Watch your knee, you’re pinching my thigh*

RD: *your nipples are still hard*

PW: she pauses and goes still for a moment / she notices that he’s not/ and says *what’s wrong?*

RD: *nothing, why?* he says defensively.

PW: *because you’re ummmm, not uh, you know?*

RD: sighs heavily, *I can’t stay that way forever.” (author heartily agrees that it would be dangerous to divert *that* much blood flow away from the brain for a long period of time)

PW: *you’re mad.*

RD: *no, I’m not, can we be convincing here? Please? Focus, PW!*

PW: *you don’t find me attractive?* she says softly.

RD: (Michael lifts Nikita up so that they’re knee to knee) *yes, I do, now lean into me and kiss me*

PW: leans forward and kisses Michael soundly then whispers *pssssst*

RD: through clenched teeth *W H A T N O W?*

PW: *you didn’t use your tongue?* she pouts.

RD: clenching teeth even tighter *you didn’t like it when I did. R E M E M B E R?*

PW: leaning more closely into Michael *sniff*

RD: /well, at least this might look like serious emotion/

PW: *I didn’t mean to make you mad at me.* she says whining.

RD: whispers *I’m not mad at you.*

PW: *they why didn’t you french kiss me?* whining further.

MICHAEL: “I AM NOT MAD AT YOU!!!” he says loudly, quickly followed by *oops. sorry* from RD.

DIRECTOR: “CUT! CUT! CAN YOU TWO GET ALONG FOR ONE SCENE? Let’s take a break. Go think horny thoughts for a few minutes and come back in THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND!”

HARD LANDING PART DEUX (the aftermath) (takes place after the lovemaking scene is finally a wrap) (author’s note - don’t you love it when I talk technical???)

DIRECTOR: “OK, nice job on the final cut of the love scene folks. Nothing to be embarrassed about, we all turned away. Heck, happens all the time. I’m sure the cameraman has seen it before. What’s a little ‘slip’ amongst friends, right? We’re all professional here. Heh. Heh. Convincing.... very convincing, the fans are gonna love it” /thinks to himself that we’ll have to superimpose the image over another because man, this one isn’t getting past the censors ~sigh~/

“All right - the lighting’s all set, dark, somber. RD, go stand by the window and look pensive. PW, on my mark, you’ll be walking over towards the window. What’s that - ‘cold?’ yes, I’m sure you’re cold. Let’s get a little heat in here guys! Thanks.” /hope they take awhile, those perky nipples are cute/ he thinks to himself.

RD stands by the window. /nothing to feel too self conscious about, I’ve done a lot of nude scenes in other movies. It’s a little uncomfortable, but after all, I am an artist. It’s actually flattering the way the women on the set look at my body and hah, I’ll bet some of those cameramen who call me a ‘pretty boy’ behind my back are feeling pretty inadequate right about now! Merde, sometimes life is good./ Shakes himself out of his reverie and as asked, moves slightly perpindicular to the window.

DIRECTOR: “No, RD, a little more to the left, you’re still a little too um... exposed. Heh. Heh. Have to keep the censors happy, you know.”

RD moves a little to the left.

DIRECTOR: “Uh, that didn’t work either. OK, how about if you place your hand between your uh, you know, and the camera? Make it look natural.” /geez. what I wouldn’t give to have been blessed like that, he thinks jealously/

RD complies.

DIRECTOR: “Great! Don’t move. PW start walking towards RD. AND...... ACTION.”

PW slowly walks forward /God, how can he just stand there and not be embarrassed. I’m dying here. Wonder what he’s thinking? Wonder if my butt’s jiggling?/ She looks down at RD’s hand as she’s walking over and starts to laugh. /that’s my boy, nice to know I can still get a rise out of him!/

DIRECTOR: “CUT!!” What’s the problem?”

PW *gasp* LOL “I don’t think the hand is going to cover it in this shot!”

DIRECTOR: (starting to lose patience) “RD!!!!”

RD: “sorry, she’s not exactly ugly you know, how would you like to be standing here butt naked trying not to react?”

DIRECTOR: “I’m sorry. You’re right. Let’s take a moment to regroup.”

PW: “sorry, I was just feeling a little silly, embarrassment you know.” /yeah, like any woman seeing him in all his glory wouldn’t lose it/

DIRECTOR: “Start again..... keep thinking control everyone. AND...... ACTION.”

PW walks toward RD, everything is going smoothly, she puts her hand on his shoulder, shyly looks up at him and as N says “Everything OK?” and between clenched teeth PW says *will you cut it out? I’m trying to do a scene here.*

MICHAEL: “Fine.” and as RD whispers *me? I’m just standing here, I can’t help it if I have a normal male reaction to a beautiful body*

PW: whispers *you think my body is beautiful?*

RD: as evidence of this fact makes itself known against her thigh, he grimaces and says *yes, I do.*

NIKITA: “This isn’t freedom.” and softer still “This isn’t freedom.” PW very quietly leans towards M’s ear and says *I’m going to laugh again and blow this scene, I’m sure he’ll call it a wrap for the day because it’s late...... meet you in my dressing room?*

RD: *wild horses (author’s note - of the kind that lived on Emilie’s farm) couldn’t keep me away.*

THE END

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