Rising, rising is the moon,
Large & round, large & round, round round one,
Plate-like full moon will rise soon.
Hiding, hiding is the moon,
Behind the clouds, dark clouds, black black clouds,
Plate-like full moon will hide soon.
Appearing, reappearing is the moon,
Large & round, large & round, round round one,
Plate-like full moon will rise soon
~~ A Japanese Nursery Rhyme translated into English

Nikita pulled the walking devises out of the closet and then turned to her daughters as they watched her.

Nikita picked up Abella first, and placed her down into the round object. She looked around, unfamiliar, but not upset about it. She tapped her hands on the toys that were on the tray. Then Nikita placed Cerise, who immediately kicked her legs around, causing the walker to roll forward. She stopped with wide-open eyes.

Nikita sat down on a chair, staying on the edge in case something happened, smiling at her daughters. "Do you think those?"

Abella stayed still as Cerise moved around again. She stepped and then crashed into Abella. Nikita waited for the tears, but the two girls happily giggled and waved at each other.

Nikita leaned back slightly, not as scared and vigilant. She was exhausted. It had taken longer than Nikita had expected to baby-proof the house, especially with needing to take care of the twins while doing that. A week later, Nikita finally had the house ready for the next step in the twin's development, mobility.

Both twins would soon be able to sit up on their own and that made Nikita happy, but yet sad. She was finding each day a challenge to even have the energy to do new things with her daughters. They needed stimulation to grow and learn, but Nikita found exhaustion dropping her body to the floor with large kicks.

The twins demanded her only every four hours during the night for a feeding, but the twins' schedules were off. Abella would be up at twelve and four, while Cerise would wait till two and six… So, Nikita was still up every two hours. And now, Nikita wasn't feeling good about the nursing. Her breasts were sore almost all the time. She didn't know why, but she just knew that her daughters needed her.

Nikita found a way to smile, though. It was by just watching her daughters. She didn't have much else to smile about. Michael had become more distance since Nikita declared that she wasn't going to sleep in the bed with him. The next morning, Michael said nothing to her at all. Nikita placed the breakfast on the table and said nothing to him. He even ate the food that Mick delivered later that day, but then sat down, creating a list that represented the menu that he wanted for the next week.

Unknown to Michael was that when Mick saw the menu, he changed Abella and Cerise's menu in order for Nikita not to cook each night, although Nikita would make the pots look like they had been used. Nikita dropped her head forward, rubbing it, but snapped it up as she opened her eyes wide. She needed to watch her twins.

But Nikita knew now, that she needed more than just Mick.

"Hey girls… would you like an aunt to visit?" Nikita questioned as she thought about how she could do this, even it if was only for two hours so she could take a bath. She couldn't remember the last bath she had had. Her showers these days were the ones that she bathed Michael. Often, just because she understood how much pain he was feeling from the shoulder and not being able to touch her, she would release him from his erection, but something that she once did out of love and affection, was becoming something like a chore. Not that Michael noticed.

Nikita pulled up the phone and started to dial the phone number, thinking of a scheme to explain why she was calling the Centre incase Michael intercepted the phone call or overheard. Nikita politely said hello to Birkoff as her eyes watched the twins. They had tired easily from being on their tiptoes, and sank down deeper into the seats, but now were consumed with playing with the toys on the trays in front of them and watching each other.

"Hello?" Belinda answered the phone.

"Belinda… its Nikita… How are you?" Nikita questioned immediately, not wanting to ask for help immediately.

"Fine… and how are you and the twins? Michael has been so busy I haven't seen him…" Belinda stated and Nikita rolled her eyes. "The twins are great… I was wondering… if you have time during the day today to drop by and visit?"

Belinda tensed. Nikita was asking for help not tomorrow, but now. This was serious.

"I have some free time… I can come over in about a half hour?" Belinda stated as she looked down at the room in the clinic that was empty. Davenport wouldn't even be upset about her leaving for a little bit, especially since it is for Nikita.

"You can?" Nikita questioned, sounding very relieved.

"Yes… things have settled into a routine these days," Belinda smiled as she thought about it. She had always wondered why Michael and Nikita didn't ask for her to baby-sit since she had to cancel that one time, and she was thinking that they were upset. Now, she had a feeling that Nikita was just being too nice.

"Do you have an appointment or something that I need to be there on time?"

"No… just an appointment with a bath tub…" Nikita joked and Belinda's smile drifted away.

Nikita had to ask for someone to watch the twins while she took a bath. This was bad.

~~

Belinda held back the reaction to gasp when she saw Nikita opening the door. She was so thin and so pale.

"Nikita…"

"Thanks for coming…" Nikita stated as she rolled her eyes as the crying twins. "They are being crabby today… this is usually their time for their nape.."

"And yours?" Belinda knowingly questioned. Nikita nodded her head up and down with a half smile. "But I am aching for a bath… I hurt…"

"You do? Have you talked to Davenport?" Belinda questioned, and she rolled her eyes. "Ache… sore muscles… that's all."

"Are you sure?" Belinda inquired and Nikita nodded her head. "Showers with Michael just aren't baths…"

"Is there anything that I need to know?" Belinda inquired as she moved into the room with the fussing twins. She could see that Nikita didn't want to leave the upset girls with someone. "I'll figure it out… you go take that bath and take a nap!"

~~

Belinda inched the door open to the bathroom and swallowed. Nikita was deep asleep, but it had been two hours. If she extended her stay any longer, Michael might notice.

"Nikita…" Belinda whispered as she knocked at the door. She watched as Nikita jumped and realized that she was still in the bathtub. Nikita pulled at a towel and turned towards the door. "Yes?"

"I really have to get going… the twins are asleep…" Belinda whispered softly.

Ten minutes later, Belinda was in the car, wondering what to do next. She didn't think that Nikita was feeling well. She felt that Nikita felt very bad. Belinda shook her head, and knew that she would just have to wait and see what happens.

~~

Belinda walked back into the Centre. She had gone to Nikita's again this week. Nikita didn't seem to be holding help well, but she had no other proof than these two times in the past two weeks that Nikita had asked her to come over and stay with the twins so she could take a bath.

She leaned her head back as Quinn walked towards her. "Where have you been?"

"Taking care of something," Belinda stated and Quinn pressed her lips together, feeling sorry that she had jumped over Belinda. "I'm sorry… it has been a long day… Elizabeth was in today."

"Don't tell Michael… and definitely don't tell Nikita," Belinda ordered Quinn as she continued to walk. If Elizabeth was in, there must have been a disaster at Adrian's. Nikita did not need that.

"How can't I tell Nikita? I'm going over to baby sit tomorrow…" Quinn declared and Belinda stopped, staring at Quinn. "What?"

"Nikita wants to take a nap and not have to worry about the twins… so I am watching them tomorrow… I did this last Friday too…" Quinn commented as if it wasn't anything at all. And if it were only Quinn, it would have been nothing.

"Come here…" Belinda directed Quinn as she pulled a door open. She looked out in the hallway after she pushed Quinn into the empty room and then closed the door. "You've helped Nikita?"

"Of course… she is exhausted… I'm really worried about her," Quinn whispered as she rubbed her arms. Belinda looked at Quinn and pressed her lips together. Nikita must not have told Quinn that she had helped out, or Quinn wouldn't be so confused. It was a perfect way for Nikita to get around what was really going on, leaving people out of the loop. "I went last week and just today so Nikita could take a bath… which, both times, I caught her asleep in the tub."

"What's going on there? Nikita shouldn't be this tired!" Quinn exclaimed and then covered her mouth. She had been asked by Nikita not to tell Michael and from this reaction only; Belinda knew that this was bad.

"This has to end…"

"What has to end? I'm still confused," Quinn admitted. Belinda took one deep breath and then tapped her hand along the wall as she thought about the situation. "Did you know that Nikita is taking care of Michael all by herself? And the twins' feeding schedule is off during the night…"

"Nikita said that someone was helping her…" Quinn softly spoke as she deflated. Her mind was starting to wrap around what happened. "Is it Nikita keeping help away?"

"No… I don't think it is Nikita…" Belinda mustered out as she looked up to the ceiling, thinking about Nikita. Michael has been different since he got hurt and he was the one that told Nikita that she couldn't baby-sit that one day.

Maybe Michael made it sound like she couldn't help out at all.

"Do you think that Michael doesn't know about us helping out?" Quinn inquired. She looked around and blinked her eyes. She had a phone conversation with Mick when he called to ask Nikita about what Michael wanted for dinner. He told Belinda the story of the meals and Michael's temperamental appetite of late. "I think that Michael isn't in touch with what is happening to Nikita…"

"What can we do?" Quinn questioned.

"I have to talk to the problem," Belinda declared as she folded her hands, not liking what she was thinking about, but knowing that something had to happen.

~~

Michael tossed the resumes away. He was not happy with the response and he didn't see the sense of wasting his time and these prospects either. From the resumes alone, Michael could tell that they weren't going to stick around, that they were looking for something to spice up their rather lackluster resumes, and wouldn't care about the case.

Some might say that Michael was being picky, but he didn't want to do this every year. He turned his head as the door opened. "Belinda?"

"We need to talk…" Belinda stated as she entered. Michael shifted his weight back and forth until he sat up more straight. "Now is not a good time."

"I don't care."

"Belinda… is this about your grant?" Michael questioned as he pushed the papers off of his desk pad and brought out a fresh sheet of paper to jot notes down on. Belinda shook her head as she stepped forward and shoved the paper away. "This is about Nikita."

"Oh?" Michael inquired and Belinda narrowed her eyes.

"Do you even ask her how she is doing? Do you even notice how bad she looks of late?" Belinda inquired.

Michael pressed his lips together and then coldly fluttered his eyelids up and down, trying not to react to the anger in Belinda's tone. "When did you see Nikita?"

"Today… and last week… she isn't getting better, she is getting worse. And I think I know why," Belinda declared a she finally settled into a chair and stared directly at Michael.

"She is handling everything well. She has dinner made on time… the twins are growing up beautifully… and maybe we have some issues with the sleeping arrangements… but there is nothing wrong," Michael spoke with tense words. He didn't know that Belinda had seen Nikita last week and he didn't like the implication.

"So… I shouldn't worry that Nikita called me over to watch the twins so she could take a bath and find her two hours later asleep in the tub? And I guess I should worry about Quinn visiting so Nikita could nap?" Belinda inquired, her words sharp and stinging, but they weren't working with Michael.

"Me and Nikita have an arrangement… we don't need interference…" Michael spoke with tense words.

"Interference? Michael, have you even really looked at Nikita?"

"I look at her each day…"

"And have you talked to her?" Belinda inquired and Michael pulled his head back. "You haven't talked to her, have you?"

"I talk to her each day…"

"Not the normal stuff, Michael… I don't think you realize how hard it is on Nikita to take care of the twins and then you! Why isn't she allowed to have help! Why does she have a deal with Mick to make dinner for you and her?"

"What?" Michael demanded with his eyes widening. He didn't like it that Nikita needed others to help her. They were an independent family. They didn't need charity.

"Mick takes the food menu of odd foods that you want and matches it to the food being prepared at Abella and Cerise so Nikita doesn't need to cook it… I guess he started it when you started this recent tofu kick… and what does Nikita eat when you are eating this stuff?" Belinda declared with harsh words. It was clear that Belinda entirely blamed Michael for this, but Michael still wasn't getting it. He saw Belinda attacking him.

"Nikita eats a salad when she doesn't not prefer what I am eating," Michael muttered as he scribbled down Mick's name. He was going to have to talk to Mick about this arrangement. Michael didn't like it.

"She is breastfeeding, Michael! She needs to eat more than a salad!" Belinda screamed as she stood up.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to do anything. Things are working fine without your interference…" Michael spoke. He looked at Belinda with his gray eyes and she realized that if anything, she gave Michael information to cut of Nikita's sources of help. "Michael… something is going on with you… and you aren't seeing how it impacts on Nikita negatively…"

"Belinda, it is not any of your business… Nikita and I have our own ways…"

"Someone has to look out for Nikita's best interest! It isn't you right now!" Belinda angrily declared as she tossed her head back and forth. "How Nikita can stand you like this is beyond me! And how she sleeps near you is even more of a miracle."

"She doesn't." Michael flatly tilted his head to the side, knowing that he just muttered something that would give Belinda more firepower. "What was that?"

"We had a fight last week… because she won't sleep in the bed with me…" Michael stated and Belinda raised an eyebrow. That, if anything, seemed to have Michael's attention.

"Well, maybe if she would neglect you some more you would see how Nikita is," Belinda fired out before she stormed out of the office and left Michael to his own devices.

He called Mick first.

~~

Belinda wasn't done. She walked her way downstairs and into Walter's little hideaway. She looked at him as he raised his head. "Do you have Michele's new number?"

"Of course…" Walter stated as he stood up from the stool which over looked something he was working on. He pulled out the Rolodex and retrieved the card. "Why are you calling Michele?"

"We'll talk about it later," Belinda mumbled as she eased her way out of the area, knowing that if she told Walter now, he would find a way to get to Michael and punch some common sense into Michael, which might only make things worse. Belinda tramped her way back to the office that she had talked to Quinn in and pulled the phone up.

"Hello, Guillou Family…" Michele answered with a tone that made Belinda almost sad, knowing that Michele was happy. "Hallo, Michele… this is Belinda…"

"Belinda? Hi, I didn't expect to hear from you," Michele responded, immediately reacting to the tone of Belinda's voice and the fact that she wasn't very close to Belinda, which meant this was important.

"We have a situation here that is getting out of control… I was wondering if you could come down tomorrow… I can probably have Walter come get you…" Belinda said as she settled down at the desk, regretting that she had to go behind Michael's and Nikita's back on this, but saw no other way.

"What is my brother doing?" Michele immediately questioned and Belinda coughed. She didn't think that Michele would catch on that quickly.

"There is something going on… Nikita is exhausted but her paths of help and relief are being cut off… and Michael has been making demands of her that no new mother should have to put up with… let alone one that is entirely consumed with helping her injured husband," Belinda softly explained, feeling the torture in her heart. She didn't like seeing Nikita like this, but also seeing Michael so defensive.

"I was worried about this… I tried to warn Nikita…" Michele stressed with a heavy sigh. "Nikita is exhausted?"

"Beyond it… the twins aren't feeding during the night at the same time… so even though they are four hours asleep… Nikita gets maybe two hours between the two… and she is doing everything for Michael…" Belinda started to organize her thoughts.

"Alain has a few days off… Why don't I come down for a visit… because this isn't good… Nikita is going to need rest… and if I know my brother… he isn't going to like this…" Michele suggested and Belinda blinked her eyes. "You mean talking to him won't cure this?"

"Michael is usually very level headed… and I'm sure that he has always been attentive to Nikita… Nikita does things so independently that it is hard for her to ask for help…and when Michael starts shutting that down… he is trying to give off the appearance that everything is fine… but it probably is a sign that he is scared out of his mind… or something along those lines…" Michele spoke and Belinda sighed. Michele was on target. No one really ever expected Michael in this downfall. "I think the injury scared him, Michele… But he won't talk to anyone about that."

"Not even Nikita?"

"I think he doesn't want to talk to Nikita about this… Although, you make it sound like Nikita is innocent on this… I think she bent over backwards for Michael's wishes for some reason…" Belinda whispered and Michele audibly sighed as she rubbed her head. "I had the same feeling… Nikita usually calls Michael on his behavior…"

"Do you want me to tell them that you are coming?"

"No… I'll just show up at Nikita's first. I need to see this first hand first," Michele started to arrange the plans.

But she had no idea what she would walk in on.

~~

Nikita had her head down on the table and listening to the driveway for Mick to deliver the food. Instead, she heard Michael arriving home. She opened the door and Michael stood there. "Hi…"

"I don't smell dinner…" Michael spoke, knowing fully well that he put the wrath of physical punishment in Mick's heart if he continued as he was, that there would be no food delivered tonight.

"Ah… I forgot what you wanted tonight…" Nikita lied as she rubbed at her face. Her back hurt. Her legs hurt. Her head hurt. Her breasts hurt.

"Or did Mick just forget to deliver?" Michael declared as he walked into the house and placed his briefcase down on the table. "And did you think that I wouldn't notice you asking Centre staff to come over for a few hours? Nikita, I need them at the Centre."

"Michael… I just wanted a bath… a nap…" Nikita stressed and Michael shrugged his own shoulder as he looked at Nikita. "I don't care. We don't need them! You just have to schedule your time better…"

"What? So I can serve you more?" Nikita demanded, flashing with anger. "Why don't you get dinner, Michael!"

"I can't."

"You have one good arm. You can do a lot more than you are doing now. You can stroke yourself off tonight!" Nikita snapped as she started to move. She walked up the stairs as she slightly swayed.

The old Michael would have noticed it. The old Michael would have stopped her

Nikita walked into the twins' nursery and held her head, rubbing the temples, crying that something had to change.

About an hour later, Michael stood her lightly with his good arm. "The pizza is here…"

"I don't want any…" Nikita mumbled as she shied away from Michael. He stood there, looking back and forth, lost at what to do next. "We are going to get through this Kita…"

"Yeah… we get through everything," Nikita agreed with tears in her eyes. Michael stayed in the silence and then retreated once more. Nikita leaned against the wall and looked up to the ceiling.

She hoped that the end of this nightmare was soon.

****************************

She'll be comin' round the mountain
When she comes,
She'll be comin' round the mountain
When she comes,
She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin' round the mountain,
When she comes.
She'll be drivin' six white horses
When she comes,
She'll be drivin' six white horses
When she comes,
She'll be drivin' six white horses,
She'll be drivin' six white horses,
She'll be drivin' six white horses,
When she comes.
Oh, we'll all go out to greet her
When she comes,
Oh, we'll all go out to greet her
When she comes,
Oh, we'll all go out to greet her,
Oh, we'll all go out to greet her,
Oh, we'll all go out to greet her,
When she comes.

"Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral… Too-ra-loo-ra-li …. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral … Hush, now don't you cry!" Nikita whispered as she pushed her body away from the crib that the twins shared downstairs. They were down for their nap and Nikita was about to sink into the couch and sleep beside them.

Nikita got no sleep last night, especially after the fight with Michael. He did though, get himself into bed, and even bathed. Nikita sat in her room, listening to the grunts and moans, but did nothing. Five weeks had come and gone, and Nikita was unsure if she could make it another seven to eleven more weeks. It seemed like forever.

The doorbell rang and Nikita looked at the clock and then realized that she had asked Quinn to come over and watch the girls this afternoon. Nikita almost smiled as she headed towards the door, but when she pushed the curtain away from the window, she spied three ladies she didn't expect to seen out on her porch.

"Nikita… let us in…"

"Michele?" Nikita questioned as she unlocked the door and opened it. Michele stared back at Nikita, almost in tears for seeing Nikita this exhausted and stressed. You could see it in Nikita's eyes, the glazed over look of someone who has been working too hard with nothing in return. Then you could see the stress etched across Nikita's face, sunken eyes and pale skin. "I called her," Belinda admitted as she looked at Nikita.

"Why?" Nikita trembled a she leaned against the doorway. Michele moved up and cupped Nikita's cheek, but Nikita turned away. "Nikita… you need help…"

"I need sleep…" Nikita informed them. "I'm doing perfectly fine as a mother… I'm having no other problems with it… I'm emotionally… ok…"

"No… I didn't mean help in that way, Nikita… you need sleep.. you can't do it all…" Michele declared as she moved into the house. She looked over at the twins and sighed. "They got so big… they eat a lot, now, don't they?"

"Yes," Nikita barely admitted, knowing what Michele's point was going to be. "Then how can you arrange for Michael's meal, but not your own?"

"I have to do what is best for my family…" Nikita stated as she looked at Belinda and Quinn. Michele had spent forty minutes with the women, catching up with what they knew. Mick had called Belinda earlier last night to tell of the threat he got from Michael and Belinda told Michele. "Can we have a few minutes alone?"

"We can go to the kitchen… I don't want the girls to wake up…" Nikita stated as she turned and walked back towards the kitchen, her shoulders hunched over and entire body looking like it shrunk. Michele noticed how the clothes just hung off of Nikita and how stiff she seemed to be. "Nikita.. I wouldn't be here if I'm concerned…"

"And you are just going to make it worse," Nikita stated as she turned and looked at Michele. "You can't do this, Nikita… No one expects you too…"

"Michael does… And that is what matters!" Nikita shouted back and then she took a deep breath and leaned back some. "I can handle this. I don't need you…" "You know you do… because I can get to Michael… when you are afraid to…" Michele stated softly, as she moved to Nikita's side and then hugged her. "At first… I thought it was just because of the injury… and because he was scared… and because I caused it to happen… but now it is like he has started a war with me that I don't want… because I would do anything to make him happy or better… or the Michael that I used to know just over a month ago!"

"Nikita… you are right on lot of that… but you didn't cause this to happen and you didn't cause Michael's current attitudes…" Michele stressed as she moved towards the table and helped Nikita to sit down. While she hugged Nikita, she noticed even more how skinny Nikita was and worried about Nikita's health.

"I caused his injury…"

"It was an accident…" Michele stated. She had gone over this with Nikita before, but she had to wonder if it didn't sink in, because of Michael's behavior. Maybe Michael was acting in a punishing manner to Nikita, reinforcing Nikita's idea that she caused this to happen and that he was exacting revenge on her.

"No… no… I had the headache… and I needed Michael to help… and now, all I can do is help out Michael by being there for the twins… and to be there for him.." Nikita cried out and Michele shook her head back and forth. "But you know that it isn't right."

"I know… I want to be with him… I want to be in that bed next to my husband and to be able to sleep… But I'm afraid to hurt him… afraid that the twins will wake him up…"

"Stop…" Michele ordered Nikita. She touched Nikita's hair and looked around. "You did nothing about what happened… you are trying your hardest to keep your body going when Michael is demanding you to perform like seven people… you can't do it… and I can see what you have accomplished… which is a lot…"

"I fought with him last night… trying to get just an hour of rest…" Nikita continued. Now that someone was forcing her to talk and forcing her to let it out, Nikita felt that she wasn't going crazy for the first time in weeks, and didn't feel like she was betraying Michael. Whenever she had called Belinda and Quinn for help, she suffered pains of guilt, and whenever Mick would drop off food, Nikita had to wonder if it would just be best to not involve others in the scheme.

"It's ok, Nikita… something is going on with Michael that no one can explain right now… but I'm going to be here for a few days… and I'll make sure you get that sleep that you need… and you can enjoy your time with the twins… because they are growing so quickly…" Michele informed Nikita as she lifted her head.

"You are here for a day or two?"

"Four days… maybe five if my brother continues to act this way… Sometimes he just needs a kick in the butt from an outside observer…" Michele explained and Nikita nodded her head up and down. Belinda peaked in and Michele winked. "Now… I have to go talk to Michael… and Belinda and Quinn are going to take the twins…"

"Take?" Nikita questioned and Michele nodded her head. "They need exposure to others too…"

"For how long?" Nikita trembled out. Michele was worried most about the twins having separation anxiety, but it seemed that Nikita was going to have it the worst. "For a good three, four hours…"

"Ah… they need feed in about two…"

"Do you have any pumped?" Michele questioned and Nikita turned red and shook her head. "No… no… ah.. but I'll go work on it…"

"Nikita…" Michele's voice stopped Nikita's path. She turned and looked at her. Nikita looked like she was just vanishing in front of Michele. "I'm going to make things better… I promise." Nikita stared at Michele and then went back to walking upstairs, unsure if she even had the energy to believe in this.

~~

Michael looked at the budget and frowned. He had attempted to arrange the numbers three times, and each time, he got another number that didn't match the current budget amount that he had listed. He was frustrated and tired.

And some days, particularly like this one, he just didn't want to have anything to do with the Centre at all.

Michael pulled out a resume and looked at the name Vianca Suret, her resume has been on Michael's desk for weeks now. It was one that he didn't throw away, but didn't have any hopes of really getting her. She was well educated and worked for many profit corporations. Usually financial people with hopes for a solid career would by-pass non-profits like the cats avoid dogs.

Michael yanked the phone up and dialed for Birkoff. "Birkoff?"

Michael listened to the noise. He heard giggling and a slight babble of a baby. "Birkoff!"

"Oh… hi, Michael… what can I do?"

"Who is down there?" Michael demanded and Birkoff looked over at Quinn and Belinda and Walter.

"Ah… just a few of us…"

"Whose baby?" Michael questioned.

"They would be yours…" Birkoff trembled out and Michele blinked his eyes and shook with a tremble. "Is Nikita here?"

"Ah, No… Belinda and Quinn are watching them." Birkoff replied as he looked as Michele rushed up the stairs. "What can I do for you?"

"I need you to call this Vianca Suret… Set up an interview for late next week if she is still interested…" Michael mumbled as he tossed the resume to the side. He didn't like it that Nikita had allowed Belinda and Quinn take the twins out of the house. It wasn't needed and he thought that it was clear after last night what his wishes were.

"I'll do that right away," Birkoff spoke, as there was a knock at Michael's office. Michael dropped the phone as he watched the door open and Michele burst in. "We are going to talk."

"Michele… why are you here?" Michael tensely spoke and Michele slammed the door shut. "And why do you think I'm here? Could it be because of Nikita and how you have self-destructed?"

"I don't know what everyone has been telling you…"

"I was at the house, Michael… I was the one that had Belinda and Quinn take the twins out for the day, and I had a hard time telling Nikita that it was ok… Do you know how tired she is?" Michele demanded as she pushed a chair around, unable to hold back her anger. Alain had been sparse during the twins first couple months, but it was nothing like what Nikita was going through right now.

"I would think that all new mothers get tired, Michele… We are doing fine," Michael stated and Michele shook her head as she sat down. "This is bad, Michael… I saw it with my own eyes… I don't think you see it…"

"I see Nikita every day," Michael declared and Michele nodded her head. "And you don't see it… because you are shutting her out and holding her responsible for what you are feeling now." Michael's body jumped back as he started to toss his head from side to side.

"No one knows how I feel right now."

"I can take a guess… You are scared because in that moment that you fell down the stairs, you saw that it could have be the end of your… or Abella could have gotten hurt… you saw the entire life as a father flash before your eyes… So instead of getting attach… you are pushing Nikita and the twins are away…" Michele began to speak her mind. Michael twitched with the words, his tosses of the head getting smaller and smaller with each word. "No… I'm upset that I can't be with my twins…"

"You haven't tried… You find it very convenient to push Nikita to do everything for the twins and then you… so you can blame Nikita for the distance between yourself and the twins.. you are so afraid of losing the life that you have… that you are pushing everyone in it away…" Michele continued, not backing down.

"You have no idea what is going on… I'm trying to do everything here…"

"That's not the issue! That isn't what is wrong, Michael!" Michele shouted as she stood up. "I wanted to slap you so badly when I saw Nikita this morning. I wanted to punch you when I listened to her words… about how she blames herself for everything that has been going on… how she has bent over backwards to make you happy…"

"I didn't know that she felt guilty… she had nothing to do with it," Michael admitted softly and Michele watched as Michael stood up. She wasn't sure that her words were sinking into Michael yet. "She does. And she sees all of your demands… for food, for not accepting help… for doing it all, and taking care of you without you learning to use your left hand at times… it is a form of punishment… So do you blame her?"

"Blame her?" Michael questioned, sputtering.

"That is the way that you are acting…." Michele declared as she slowly took a deep breath. "I think you have to look at what you have been demanding of your wife, Michael… because you aren't treating her like a wife right now."

"How dare you say that? You waltz in here on the words of others and declare what I am or not doing?" Michael fired back as he cracked his knuckles. "I don't want others involved in our issues."

"I'm not leaving tonight, Michael… I'm going to stay so Nikita can get some sleep… You have to see that what you are doing for Nikita isn't healthy!" Michele declared back.

"Mothers aren't supposed to sleep! They are supposed to be tired and exhausted from taking care of their children! Why is this so difficult to ask Nikita to do what she wants in life, to be a mother? Why is she suddenly copping out of her responsibilities!" Michael shouted. Michele stepped back, but couldn't hold it back. She stepped forward and allowed her arm to slap Michael with her open hand. "You come back and talk to me… when you bring back my brother."

"Oh… go back to your own family, Michele… you are only creating more problems here," Michael half whined as he looked at his sister. She stood at the doorway and looked towards the floor. "Someone or something is going to get into that head of yours… and when it does… you are going to have a lot of making up to do."

~~

Nikita rubbed at her back and neck as Michele walked up the stairs to the third floor. Michele was going to be staying the night there, so Nikita would stay in the guest room as Michael slept in the main room. Michele was horrified that Michael even allowed for it to degenerate this far, but it appeared that this was actually Nikita's decision. "I didn't think that I would make it worse."

"This isn't worse," Nikita stated as she looked into the mirror, continuing to rub her shoulders. She pulled at the baby monitor and blinked her eyes. "But for the first time in a while, I can see straight because I slept for three whole hours…"

"I'm going to try to get the twins onto a schedule Nikita… not tonight.. but tomorrow… It will be so much easier on you…" Michele commiserated with the young woman, not wanting to touch the other pain that was going on.

Dinner was silent. Nikita had made what Michael had requested and picked at the rice mixture of the stuffed peppers. Michele ate next to Nikita in silence as Michael glared at her. Michele moved and started to rub Nikita's shoulders. "What happened to my husband?"

"I don't know… I think it is a mixture of a whole bunch of emotions that he can't deal with right now… he feels inadequate because of the injury, he saw his entire life flash in front of him, and he has this anger that he just isn't controlling.. but he is in there, Nikita… you can't give up…" Michele advised Nikita as she looked into the mirror and saw Nikita's face. She still looked incredibly too pale and thin.

"Things just went so bad so quickly…" Nikita hoarsely whispered and Michele kissed at the top of Nikita's head. "You are going to get through this… but the difference is.. you are going to have us around… Belinda and Quinn aren't going to let this drop…"

"I know… and I have to tell Michael… I didn't want to make him angry at the beginning… he was so sad and depressed that he wasn't able to touch the girls as he had been…" Nikita slowly spoke and Michele settled down next to Nikita. "Nikita… I know that you still feel guilty in some way… but it wasn't all you… it wasn't even mostly you… Michael tends to shut down like this when scared…"

"No, he doesn't. He reacts to it! I've seen it a hundred of times… when he thought he scared me… he immediately reacts…" Nikita stated and Michele sighed, clearly knowing that Michael didn't let Nikita know a lot about when he was young.

"He has done this one time before, Nikita… not like this, because it wasn't about children or family… but it was when our parents died…" Michele started to tell the story. She rolled her shoulders back. "I was so young… and he shut everyone out of his life… everyone that had tired to help him with me… he wouldn't listen to anyone… and he was there for me… but not there… Does that make sense?"

"Physically he was there, but emotionally he was gone?" Nikita questioned for an explanation. Michele nodded her head as she touched her lips and then dropped her hand down to her knees. "I think it took me going out with Jurgen to finally snap him out of it… and it went on for years, Nikita… But he cares too much about you and the girls for this to last…"

Nikita was about to say something when the twins started to cry. Nikita leaned her head back and swallowed. "Someday… I want to hear my twins cry… and not dread what I'm going to find."

Nikita stood up and grabbed the monitor. She looked at Michele and shrugged her shoulders. "Have a good night…"

"We'll talk more tomorrow…" Michele promised and Nikita nodded her head before she rushed downstairs to the crying twins.

~~

"Just because she walks in here and because she has had twins… doesn't mean you have to listen to her!" Michael hissed as he stood in the hallway. Nikita stared at him and looked over her shoulder. She had just gotten the twins asleep, but now, Nikita had had it.

"Michael, she came here because two close family friends are scared for us… not just me… for us!" Nikita yelled out as she looked at her husband.

"There is nothing wrong here!"

"YES! THERE IS! I'm exhausted! I'm tired! I'm sick of your bullshit!" Nikita declared as the twins started to cry. Nikita tossed her head from side to side. "Aren't you going to get the twins, Kita?"

"NO! Because I'm sick of being an only mother here!"

"You aren't an only mother… it takes two to create them… and I was there for their birth… and the exploding poop…." Michael started as Nikita tossed her head from side to side. "You were there then… but you aren't here now!"

"How can I? I can't hold them!" Michael hollered and the walls vibrated. Nikita looked up to the ceiling and knew that Michele must hear them, but she didn't care. She was sick of biting her words and now that she had just a little bit of sleep, Nikita was going to give her attempt at breaking into Michael's private little world.

"You have been doing so much! You don't really want to be doing anything! You want to tell me how to be the mother… you want to tell me how to be the better wife… you want to tell me how to make our family work and to be without interference" Nikita hissed as she started to shift back and forth on her feet, the twins reacting to their mother's voice shouting in the hallways. "You want me to take care of it all… I call that being the single mother… and I don't see it as being a wife… because there is no union here… you aren't here for me anymore!"

"What do you want from me?" Michael demanded. Nikita shook her head, feeling that Michael wasn't getting what she was saying.

"I want you! I don't know where you went from the moment I called that ambulance…"

"Let's not bring that back up…" Michael whispered and Nikita looked to the bottom of the stairs and finally pointed. "Do you think I don't see it each time I go up and down these stairs? Do you think that it doesn't bother me? It does… I think about it… but I go on… and it is time that you do to!"

"Don't tell me what to feel, Nikita," Michael warned and Nikita backed up.

"I don't know who you are…"

"Oh, Nikita…. Come off of it…" Michael hissed.

"Michael! Haven't you heard me!" Nikita shouted as her body jumped with anger. She had it. She was done with it. Michael had to come back.

"What do you want, Nikita?"

"I want you! I want you to take the time and look at our twins! I want to be able to take the easy ways out of things, when I'm exhausted… I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to fall asleep at any moment! I'm sick of having all these pain in my body because I can't sleep more than a few hours…if that!"

"Those are things that I have no control over, Nikita," Michael gloated with a smile on his face. "Those are things that you control."

"I control?" Nikita questioned as she leaned forward, finding it difficult that those words even left Michael's mouth. "Someday, I'm not going to be here for you to walk all over… I love you Michael.. but I don't love this version of you."

"So? What are you going to do?" Michael demanded. Nikita trembled and felt her stomach surge, but she held it back.

"I don't know. But I'm not going to just let this happen… Don't you think about how I feel right now? Can't you see past your own pain and misery to see what your actions are doing to me and the twins?" Nikita inquired as she found it almost difficult to breath.

"There is no need to do that, Nikita," Michael calmly declared. Nikita shook her head as she looked away and finally turned towards the bathroom. "Where are you going?"

"I don't want to see you." Nikita pounded her fist against the wall.

"You started this." Michael egged on Nikita.

"I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you now. I don't want to see you near our children. I don't want to see you in the morning. I don't want to see you tomorrow… or the day after or the day… or the day after…" Nikita hissed as she continued to pound her first against the wall. "I'm done, trying. I have to do what is best for the twins and me… and if that is having people help me, despite your wild ideas on what a family is… then I'm going to do that… because I don't want to see you. Not now. And I don't know when."

Michael watched mutely as Nikita opened the bathroom door and slammed it. Michele poked her head out and looked at her brother. He was stricken with something close to shock and didn't move towards the twins. Michele crossed the hallway and looked towards the twins as Michael continued to stare towards the door. "Michael…"

"Don't talk to me…" Michael murmured as he turned back to the room and closed the door. Michele was worried about them, but went to the twins, rocking them.

This was bad, but now, Michele was sure that there was a start.

**************************

Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,
All through the night;
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night;
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
I my loving vigil keeping,
All through the night.
While the moon her watch is keeping,
All through the night;
While the weary world is sleeping,
All through the night;
O'er thy spirit gently stealing,
Visions of delight revealing,
Breathes a pure and holy feeling,
All through the night.
Hark, a solemn bell is ringing,
Clear through the night;
You, my love, are heav'nward winging,
Home through the night.
Earthly dust from off thee shaken,
By good angels art though taken;
Soul immortal shalt though waken,
Home through the night.
~~ By Sir Harold Boulton

Michele walked around the house, looking around, trying to figure out how to fix this. She rubbed at her hair and sat down on the chair and picked up the phone. She had attempted to talk to Michael before he ran out this morning, but appeared to have gotten no sleep himself and ran out of the room about two minutes before Davenport arrived.

Nikita last night had thrown up after the fight and Michele found her out of the bathroom when Abella needed fed. Nikita tended to the twins all night, but Michele was sure that Abella and Cerise were the only ones that got any sleep last night.

"Hey you," Michele softly whispered as Alain answered the phone. "Michele… it is so early… is something wrong?"

"So much… I don't know where to start…" Michele admitted as she heard her husband's voice. "It doesn't seem like I'm going to reach him…"

"It's kind of early for a mid-life crisis…" commented Alain and Michele sighed. "This isn't like when you were busy at work… Michael withdrawals emotionally, it takes something big to get him out… Nikita was the catalyst for him to start talking to me again…"

"It is that bad?" Alain rasped out and Michele shivered. "They had a huge fight last night… and Nikita isn't the type that is just going to let Michael continue this…"

"Michele.. you are scaring me… I saw Michael with Nikita… he adores her…" Alain spoke, finding Michele's words extremely harsh. "Michael would lie down his life for Nikita… but that doesn't matter to a person when he shuts himself down… when he only hears what he wants to hear and nothing else…"

"Is there a way to fix it?" Alain questioned and Michele pressed her lips together. "I can't help but be on Nikita's side here…"

"Well, I understand that." Alain took a deep breath. "But you haven't answered my question."

"There has to be a way to fix it… I just don't think I'm going to be here for it to happen…" Michele advised Alain.

"They love each other… that is what matters," Alain pointed out, feeling the dread in Michele's voice. It had to be very serious for her to talk like this.

"I know… but I can't see Nikita surviving away from Michael… but being near him when he is like this is destroying her…. And he isn't even trying," Michele explained. "I need to be here… I needed to be here weeks ago."

"Michele… you have your own sons and me…. We have needs too…" He groaned. "I can't move my meetings, Michele."

"I know… I know…" Michele stressed a she rubbed her hands together. She listened to the noises upstairs that indicated that the twins were awake and Nikita was taking care of them. "I have to go…. Nikita is up and she wasn't in a good place last night…"

"Do you think she is the key? Does she have to do something drastic?" Alain inquired. Michele stopped as she leaned forward. "I don't think it is a matter of doing something drastic… I think it is a matter of something or someone shaking Michael… I just don't know when that is going to happen…"

~~

Michele leaned against the door and heard the sobs. She pushed the door open to see Nikita on her side, feeding Cerise in a position that wasn't usually comfortable. "Nikita?"

"Michele…" Nikita mustered out as she kept a hand extended to Abella who was kicking her legs out. "Are you ok? I know that Michael upset you last night…"

"This isn't about last night…" Nikita groaned as Cerise continued to suckle away.

"Then why are you crying like this?" Michele whispered, wanting an answer.

"Michele… I'll be downstairs in a few… ok?" Nikita struggled to speak as she turned her head away from her daughter. "They don't feed while when I'm upset…"

"That's natural…." Michele leaned forward and rubbed Nikita's hair back and jumped. "Nikita… you are burning up!"

"It hurts…" Nikita bite out and Michele settled down on the bed and looked at Nikita. "The feeding?"

"I can't help but cry… it feels like they are sucking fire out…" Nikita groaned as she closed her eyes. Michele leaned back and took Abella in her arms. "In both breasts?"

"I'm drying up, aren't I?" Nikita questioned and Michele shook her head back and forth. "In both breasts, Nikita?"

"YES! IN BOTH! I'm not producing enough milk… on top of being a horrid wife, I can't even function as a mother!" Nikita screamed. Michele shook her head back and forth. "Nikita… let's call Davenport… I think this is something else."

Michele didn't touch the other comments. It was too rough to get involved with all of that right now. Nikita's health seemed to have been a question for a little bit now, and now Michele was seriously concerned, especially since she was sure that this was the first time she admitted the struggles with the breastfeeding.

"No… no… I'm fine… I just knew this day was going to happen sooner than I wanted it…" Nikita muttered and Michele took a deep breath and watched Nikita. She appeared swollen and very tender.

"Nikita… I would feel much better… You are running a fever… and in extreme pain… and you are red… I think you need to see a doctor…"

"I'm just like this because of last night… I just want to go eat…" Nikita spoke as she picked up Cerise to burp her. Nikita appeared to wobble even in the bed and Michele stayed nearby. She soon took over the care of the twins and licked her lips. "Why don't you take a nap?"

"I just got up.. and I'm really hungry…" Nikita admitted and Michele smiled. She liked the sound of that.

"Ok… I was going to make pancakes…"

"Oh, that sounds good…"

~~

Michele moved away from Nikita as she washed the dishes from breakfast. Nikita was still fiercely independent, wanting to be the good wife and mother, but she did have limits. Michele was the one who was watching the twins in the den.

"Hey Abella… Cerise…" Michele stated as she looked at the two. Michele found out that Cerise opts for the walker when Abella prefers the swing. Michele settled down on the stool and wondered what was next. She had talked to Nikita some during breakfast. Nikita was talking about the stroller that she had bought for the twins but hadn't had the opportunity to use yet. Michele was sure that it was a good idea, but after watching Nikita force the food into her system and continue to groan if she accidentally bumped her breasts, Michele had second thoughts about that.

"Michele?" Nikita's voice weakly called out, snapping Michele out of her thoughts. Michele made sure that the gate was down in the den so that Cerise couldn't wonder all around the first floor and moved towards the kitchen. "Yeah, Nikita? Do you need something?"

Nikita lifted her head as she dropped her hands to the counter of the kitchen sink. She had lost all color and Michele paused as Nikita blinked her eyes, forcing herself to swallow. "I don't feel so well… it is so hot…. And stuffy…"

"Do you want to sit down?" Michele offered and Nikita swung her head from side to side twice before her body collapsed. "NIKITA!"

Michele slid down to the floor and touched Nikita. She was burning up and she pressed her lips together. She had a feeling what this was, but it would be a rather severe case. After she was positive that Nikita was breathing fine, she went over and grabbed the phone, pressing the second speed dial number that was programmed to go to the Centre. "Hello… The Centre…"

"Birkoff… I need to talk to Davenport…" Michele immediately instructed the young man. Nikita had talked briefly yesterday that Ariane was out of town.

"I'm sorry… he is in a meeting…"

"I don't care… Birkoff… I need to talk to him… now… it's about Nikita," Michele stated with harsh words. She heard the music switch and then the phone being picked up. "Hello?"

"Davenport… its Michele and Nikita has passed out… she has a high fever… I think she has mastitis" Michele stated, wanting to get Davenport to react immediately.

"That would be a pretty severe case…" Davenport muttered.

"I know… but she was having severe pain while feeding today…" Michele indicated, wanting to just get Davenport on the move. "Ok…I'll go get Michael and we'll be right over…"

"Don't get Michael… just get here," Michele ordered the doctor.

"What?"

"You weren't here last night… Michael probably wouldn't come with you…" Michele muttered as Nikita turned her head to the side with a moan. She looked at the welt that was growing on the side of Nikita's head that had bumped off of the floor. "Oh god, Nikita…."

~~

Davenport walked into the house and saw the two twin girls screaming in the swings as they had stopped moving. He pushed them slightly and then moved into the kitchen. Michele was sitting on the floor with Nikita's head propped up and Nikita was at least awake and aware. "How long was she out?"

"A good ten minutes," Michele reported and Nikita opened her mouth to protest. Davenport helped Michele to sit Nikita up more. "I want to move her to the couch… go take care of the twins…" Davenport moved to the refrigerator and pulled out ice for the bump on Nikita's head. He eased the ice down and could feel the burning fever without even checking with a thermometer. "When were you going to tell someone?"

"I'm drying up…." Nikita stated and Davenport shook his head. He didn't believe it. If that were the case, it would be the twins throwing the fits, not Nikita's body shutting down. "Nikita… I don't think that is the situation… but I'm not going to examine you in the kitchen…."

"It isn't?" Nikita stammered and Davenport nodded his head. "If you were drying up… you wouldn't feel this bad, Nikita…"

"Then what is wrong? Are the girls going to get sick?" Nikita trembled and Davenport looked over his shoulder as Michele moved back in. "Michele…. Can you take her feet? I would feel much better with Nikita on a couch…"

"Sure…" Michele confirmed as she moved and started to help. Davenport was curiously quiet and Michele did what was needed, and would ask questions later.

Davenport looked at the couch and then over at Michele. "Can you give us some time alone and pull the curtains closed?"

"Sure…" Michele agreed as she went to work. Davenport pulled out his bag and started to pull out the thermometer. He waited and groaned with the reading. "You have a very high fever Nikita…"

"How long have you been having pain?" Davenport questioned as he looked at her. Nikita appeared washed out and he was guessing that Nikita had been hiding this for at least a week.

"Maybe over ten days… I don't have time to be sick…" Nikita murmured, as she was very scared with what was wrong. Davenport pulled the coffee table over and didn't judge her. "Nikita… I'm going to have to examine your breasts… I think Michele was on the right track… but I have to be sure…"

"Do you have to?" Nikita inquired and Davenport nodded his head. "We can take you to the hospital and I can try to find a female doctor…."

"No!" Nikita snapped. She wasn't going to leave. Nikita pulled at her shirt, showing that she hadn't been wearing a bra. Davenport noted the swelling and the redness on the upper outside edge of each breast.

"Have you noticed any hard spots?"

"They hurt so bad…" Nikita whimpered and Davenport nodded his head. He leaned in and carefully touched at the redness, throwing Nikita into a scream. He had to be sure that this hadn't progressed to something worse. "Nikita… you have an infection of the milk ducts… I'm trying to see how bad…"

"An infection? Have I made my babies sick?" Nikita inquired. Davenport shook his head back and forth. The first breast seemed to have at least two blocked ducts, but she didn't have an abscess, yet. Davenport noticed that the other breast had more red than the other and appeared to be tenderer. He carefully touched his way around, finally pulling back. "Nikita… this is pretty severe…"

"I didn't know…" Nikita muttered and Davenport nodded his head up and down. "I know, Nikita… You have been under a lot of stress… this condition…mastitis… is treatable… but very painful…"

"Do I have to stop breastfeeding?" Nikita questioned. Davenport wasn't sure if this was going to be the answer that Nikita wanted. "No… in fact, it is better for you to breast feed… What I am concerned about is your fever…"

"It hurts so bad to feed…" Nikita stated and Davenport handed Nikita her shirt. "I'm going to start you in an antibiotic.. I'm going to give an you a heavy doses shot… and an IV for some fluids… that isn't going to ease the pain…"

"I'm still supposed to feed with the medicine?"

"Yes… the babies are going to fine, Nikita. And if it is too difficult to feed directly from the breasts, you can pump it and bottle feed… but you need the milk to continue to flow…" Davenport spoke as he began to work with Nikita, pulling out the IV and the medicine. She leaned her head back and he sighed. "You need to slow down drastically, Nikita… You are going to need a lot of rest…"

"I have Michael, and Abella, and Cerise to take care of! I don't have time…" Nikita protested and Davenport dropped his hands to Nikita's knees.

"It's time for yourself, Nikita."

~~

"Michele… I haven't ever seen a case this severe without an abscess… Nikita is very lucky…" Davenport reported as he looked over at the couch where Nikita had drifted off to sleep. Michele rubbed her hands together and looked out the window. "How sick is she?"

"I'm hoping that with the antibiotic that I gave her… that it will slow the infection down… She needs rest most off… She can't be doing it all," Davenport reported. Michele knew this and she looked over at Nikita.

Right now, she needed Michael.

"Do you want me to tell Michael?" Davenport offered and Michele swung her head from side to side. "I didn't think you would be leaving this soon…"

"You have a plan?"

"I have to go talk to Michael… You weren't here last night… you didn't hear the fight…" Michele spoke as she started to move away from Nikita. "This may help them, or may make it worse."

"I know that Michael had been demanding Nikita for a lot…" Davenport started to speak but stopped as Michele shook her head back and forth. "He has been ordering her a lot." Michele looked to the sleeping twins and felt terrible and suddenly realized that this was probably close to how Nikita felt each and every day since Michael got hurt.

"How long do you think it is going to take to get Nikita back to her feet?" Michele inquired, wanting to have all the information.

"Counts on the medicine… Counts on if she gets an abscess with any of these blockages… Counts on if she continues to feed the babies and gets the milk through her body… I would say at least a week… if not longer…" Davenport tried to predict. "And if Michael isn't chipping in here and you can't stay… someone needs to be here with her… She needs rest in the foremost…"

"But with mastitis… there is research that shows that more frequent feeding helps…." Michele pointed out and Davenport nodded his head. "That is true… it keeps the milk from pooling inside of the milk ducts…"

"Well.. that's part of the reason why Nikita is exhausted… the twins haven't been feeding together during the night… they are every other two hours…" Michele pointed out as she looked at a mirror and took a deep breath. "Michael should be shot for this…"

"We can't blame Michael for this… This is a natural thing…" Davenport commented and Michele shook her head. She didn't believe that at all. "It would have never gotten this far. She would have called me with the first sign of pain… but she has been so busy doing everything… that she didn't have the time to call me… This would have been caught two weeks ago…"

Michele started to move towards the kitchen, Davenport following behind. She was starting a mental list of things that were needed. "We only have a little bit of stuff here that can be used for hot compresses… and I have to go for food… and bottles and a breast pump… Can you stay a little bit longer?"

"Who is going to talk to Michael?" Davenport questioned and Michele sternly looked back at Davenport.

"That is among my things to do."

~~

Michael stared at the papers and the bills on his desk. He had stared at them all day, finding nothing that he wanted to do. He didn't know what to do about tonight. Did Nikita really never want to see him again?

"Michael…" George's voice rumbled as he pushed the door open. Michael jerked his head up and then slumped once more. George had dropped everything once he heard Michael's stressed out voice on the phone line, even though Michael said it wasn't necessary.

"I didn't expect you to come…" Michael spoke with a soft voice as he licked his thin and pale lips. George raised an eyebrow and sat down. "Have you ever known me not to do what I have said I am going to do?"

"Please, drop the act of being perfect…" Michael bitterly spoke as he stared at his hands. George stiffened slightly from Michael's words, but knew that something was wrong here. "Why don't you start with why you have called me?"

"I don't even know where to start… Do I start with the fact that Nikita doesn't want to see me again? Do I start with my sister slapping me? Do I start with how alone I am right now? I don't know where to start…"

"Nikita doesn't want to see you again? Michael, are you sure you didn't hit your head?" George questioned with a fake joke on his voice. He was concerned about hearing this one.

"I just want things to be right… I don't know what happened… All of a sudden… Nikita hates me!" Michael rushed out as he squirmed in his chair, feeling the itch from underneath the cast.

"Since the accident?" George knowingly questioned. He had a long conversation the other day with Adrian about Michael and Nikita since the accident. They had thought that as godparents that they would be called on to do some extra babysitting duties, but that hadn't happened.

"I have tried to make it easy on Nikita… making less mess by letting her feed me… and not asking her to ride me to work so she didn't have to get the kids up and dressed…" complained Michael and George silently shook his head from side to side. "I don't believe you, Michael… Have you tried to tell her this?"

"No, he hasn't," Michele spoke from the doorway. Both men jumped at Michele's appearance. "In fact, yesterday he basically told Nikita that her only job was to be the mother at the house, to do the cooking and the cleaning and the raising the children."

"Isn't that what you had that fight with Walter over? You complained that Walter thought that Nikita should be your subservient. And as soon as you get hurt, you want Nikita to do it all?" George rumbled out in disbelief. This wasn't the Michael Samuelle that he had trained and mentored all these years.

Michael picked up his good hand and dropped it to the desk. "You don't understand how hard it is to do everything here! And then to come home to find that Nikita has done nothing but do things behind my back!"

"Let's talk about things being done behind your back, Michael…" Michele hissed out as she closed the door. "Let's talk about Nikita being sick for the past two weeks… and how today, I found her with a fever of a hundred and three… and how she passed out for ten minutes…"

"What?" Michael questioned as he stood up, but then grasped the desk. Michele stood firm, not moving her ground as George looked at her. George could see how Michael suddenly lost all color himself and was starting to pant.

"She passed out… in the kitchen.. washing the dishes because that was what you wanted her to do… and now, she is seriously ill…. With an IV and antibiotics… probably feeling guilty that she took an extra hour long nap," Michele allowed the words to fly out.

"Oh god…" Michael muttered as he closed his eyes. Michele stood back as George stood up. "Michael…"

"Not Nikita… Not Nikita…" Michael sobbed out.

"Michele… he is having a panic attack… Do something?" George demanded as he helped Michael back down into his chair. Michele blinked her eyes and looked at her brother.

"Why?" Michele questioned as she settled down in the chair and continued to watch.

For Michele, after she had found Nikita passed out and held her in her arms for ten minutes, waiting for

Davenport to break every driving law, there would be no mercy today.

****************

Doctor, doctor, can you tell
What will make poor Sheila well?
She is sick and going to die
That will make poor Tommy cry.
Tommy, Tommy, don't you cry.
You will see her by and by,
Dressed in pink or navy blue,
Waiting at the church to marry you.

Michele escorted Davenport out of the house and then closed the door. She was worried about the day's events, but right now she had one concern.

Nikita.

Abella and Cerise had stayed up long with Davenport, playing with him, exploring the wonders of a new person. Michele knew that it was good because as they slept, it would give Michele time to get Nikita ready to feed them once more. Michele had all of the supplies ready and had already been instructed about the IV that Davenport had left, along with medicine. He said that he would be back in a few hours in order to hang a new bag and to see what Nikita was going to need after that point. He also advised Michele that Nikita should eat some.

Nikita was relaxing on the couch, her eyes almost closed, but not fully. Michele hitched a half smile and Nikita started to sit up slightly. "Shh… don't move around… You need rest…"

"You talked to him," Nikita accused Michele. She could see it on Michele's face. "He needed to know of your condition…"

"And?" Nikita questioned as she looked around. She was hoping to see Michael being Michele, but she wouldn't see him. "He is finishing up some work…"

"Work?" Nikita's voice cracked as she shook her head back and forth. Nikita dropped her head down, crying, finding it impossible to feel like this again. She really thought that once Michael was told that she was ill, that he would find a way to come back to her, but now, Nikita was scared.

"Nikita… talk to me…" Michele guided her friend. She took Nikita's hands as Nikita shook her head back and forth. "I shouldn't feel like this… I shouldn't feel like this…" Michele looked at Nikita and wondered exactly what Nikita was talking about. "About what?"

"Nikita… you can talk to me about this… I'm here for you…" Michele declared strongly. Nikita looked at Michele's eyes, but only saw Michael's eyes. She turned her head to the side and pulled one of her hands out of Michele's grasp in order to cover her mouth. "I'm all alone again… and I'm married… with two beautiful daughters… but I'm alone…"

"You aren't alone…" Michele whispered out as she smoothed Nikita's hair, noting that Nikita's fever hadn't broken yet.

"Michael chose work…. He has never done that before…" Nikita whimpered and Michele sighed. She was so scared for Nikita, even after telling Michael what was going on. She wasn't sure the motivations behind the panic attack, knowing that Michael just have felt something real in order to succumb to it that quickly, but she wasn't ready to tell Nikita that.

"Maybe it is his way of dealing with things…."

"He stayed at work… I could be dying, and he'd still be at work," Nikita hissed as her eyes stopped the tears, she simply didn't have any more at the moment. "I'm all alone."

"I'm here… and your daughters are in the other room… and you have your grandfather, and Belinda, and Quinn…"

"But not Michael…" Nikita sobbed without tears as she pulled entirely away from Michele. "You weren't there… no one was there when I went through this once…"

"Then tell me about it," Michele suggested. Nikita pulled her legs up underneath her sitting body and stared off towards the television.

"I can't… I hurt so much the first time… and Michael knew that… but he just doesn't care anymore…" Nikita hauntingly spoke as she looked down at her torn fingernails. Michele pressed her lips together and allowed a puff of air to float up from her mouth. "Nikita… I didn't know you then… I can't help if I don't know what you are talking about."

"Michael had found me… got me off the streets… and found Walter for me… but I was starting to feel something for Michael… and he did the right thing…he took me to Walter…" Nikita tearfully related the story that until a few days ago, felt like a different lifetime. "But he left me… alone with a man that I didn't know… and the only person I wanted… was Michael… I was alone…"

"Oh, Nikita…" Michele whispered as she took Nikita's hands again. "I'm not going to leave you… and I know that I don't fill the void that Michael makes when he pulls away… but you aren't alone anymore…" Nikita nodded her head slowly up and down as she turned to look at Michele again. "He didn't care did he?"

"About what?"

"About me being sick?" Nikita questioned. Michele slowly swallowed, unsure of what to tell Nikita. She had seen the emotional reaction that Michael had when he first heard. That was what his heart made him do, but it was his mind that started to act, that kept him behind. "Nikita.. he is very confused himself…"

"He probably blames me for this too…" Nikita sputtered and Michele shook her head. "No… but he doesn't know what to do with himself right now… Give him time…"

"I don't have time… You leave in two days…" Nikita whispered and Michele nodded her head. "We'll figure something out." Nikita finally dropped her head down, out of exhaustion of her illness and the overwhelming emotions. Michele cupped Nikita's head and rubbed at her neck. "You are going to have to feed the girls soon.."

"Ugh…" Nikita groaned with the thought. Michele waited for Nikita to pick her head up and then she helped Nikita dry the tears off of her face. "We'll get you some warm compresses to put on your chest before you feed them… it will help move the milk down to the nipples quicker, without the girls needing to suck it there… and then, after they are done feeding… I want you to pump…"

"Pump? I really don't like that…" Nikita stammered as Michele pulled out some bottles and then showed the pump that she bought. "No machine."

"Then you have to manually pump your breasts Nikita… You should produce enough for the next feeding… that way you can rest for at least six hours, if not more…" Michele explained as she showed Nikita the items. Nikita rubbed at her forehead, knowing that she hasn't had much luck with the pumping of her breasts. "I make a mess…"

"Nikita… it's doctor's orders that you get some rest… This way, I can feed the girls…" Michele dictated with a strong voice. She wasn't going to back down on this. Nikita wasn't going to get better if she continued to fight this.

"They are going to get confused!" Nikita exclaimed and Michele shook her head. "Not now… they will take food in whatever manner it comes… believe me…"

"How? How do you know all of this?" Nikita questioned and Michele took a deep breath. "I had reoccurring mastitis in my right breasts during the twins… I know that it isn't anything like having it in both… but I know that it is sore and you don't feel right doing this, but this is right for your body and for the twins."

"Let me get you the warm compresses…" Michele spoke and Nikita nodded her head, giving in.

~~

Davenport opened the door for Michael. He had spent the trip back from the Centre, explaining what mastitis is and how bad it was for Nikita. He had also spent part of the trip, trying to get Michael to accept help for the panic attack and the lingering depressive thoughts. Davenport saw nothing good in the future for Michael and Nikita.

Michael dragged his body into the house, having eaten at the Centre. Michele picked her head up from the table and quickly made her way to the living room, blocking Michael's way to his wife. He looked over Michele's head until she started to push him into the other room, on the other side of the house.

"How is she?" Michel quivered as he didn't even look at his sister. He had spent most of the hours crying and crying, most of it, for no real reason.

"Sleeping," Michele dryly stated as she pulled out a chair for Michael to sit down in. She turned her head away from Michael and hurried into the kitchen, making coffee for herself and her brother. Michael sat limply in the chair, staring at the wall that was the stairs and on the other side of the stairs was the sleeping Nikita.

"Her fever hasn't broken… Davenport kept the IV in for the evening…" Michele reported as she placed the coffee down in front of Michael. She sat down opposite of Michael, blocking his gaze at the wall.

"I don't know what happened…" Michael whispered and Michele shook her head. She wasn't buying that at all. She straightened her body and tapped her hands on the table slightly. "You were too busy playing pity party for you, that you didn't realize that your selfish demands where destroying Nikita. That's what you were doing it, and you know it."

"I do now…" Michael admitted as the tears started to run down his face. "Is she going to be ok?"

"Physically?"

"God, yes… please tell me that she is going to be ok…" Michael begged and Michele blinked her eyes, feeling her stone heart melting for her brother.

"It is going to take time, Michael… I did have to fight Nikita to pump her breasts… but I do have enough milk to get through the feedings until morning… She needs the rest and sleep the most," Michele spoke with a gentle voice.

"Mentally?" Michael questioned as he touched the cup with his left hand and then pulled back.

"Emotionally?"

"Michael, you neglected her since the moment you got hurt… while Nikita was willing to do anything to make you feel better… because she still felt guilty for your accident… for the beginning.. she believed that she deserved what you were dishing out at her… It's going to be a long road back…" Michele informed her brother, knowing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"I need to see her…" Michael whispered as he pushed the cup of coffee away and moved to stand up.

"Not tonight, Michael…"

"She is sick… I need to see her…" Michael declared and Michele leaned back in the chair with a heavy sigh.

"She may turn you away…" Michele warned and Michael nodded his head. He expected that. "I need to go to her… I've been distant way too long…"

Michele turned her head and watched as Michael moved. She didn't want to say that Nikita might not even wake up and know that he was there. She was that weak.

Michele waited several minutes before she stood up and went to the doorway to look over what Michael was doing. When she arrived, she found him curiously away from Nikita, sitting in a chair opposite of her.

He was watching her eyes, watching her chest fall up and down.

Michael probably needed to see that, to see that Nikita was still breathing. Michele felt a pang of guilt for keeping Michael away from his wife, but she looked on, knowing that it would work out, hopefully. Michael stood up and dragged the chair closer to Nikita, but still leaving a good ten feet between himself and Nikita.

"Nikita… I'm so sorry…" Michael whispered as he slightly leaned forward. Michele couldn't hear his words, but she could read his lips and see it in his eyes. Michele wanted to help Michael move forward, closer to Nikita, but that wasn't something that she could help Michael do. It was something that Michael was going to have to do himself.

And he did.

Michael moved the chair almost flush with the chair, watching every inch of Nikita as he moved forward. Michele felt herself holding a breath as he reached down and touched her burning head. Michael winced and then dropped his head down further.

"I'm so sorry…" Michael whispered one more as Nikita's eyes fluttered.

She immediately pulled away.

"Kita… I thought that you were going to die… I've never been so scared in my life… I'm so sorry…" Michael started to rush out, trying to say everything that he had neglected to say in the past several weeks. Nikita fluttered her eyes as she pulled her body tense against the couch.

"Not now… please…" Nikita groaned as she tried to find the strength.

"I know that I made mistakes, Nikita… I'm going to make it better…" Michael began to make the grand promises that Nikita didn't want right now. Michele bit her tongue and watched as Nikita continued to shake her head.

"Please… go, Michael… I don't have the strength right now…" Nikita whispered as she turned her head to the side. Michael shook his back and forth. "Nikita… I need to make things right…"

"Not tonight," Nikita struggled out as she covered herself. Michele clutched at the doorframe, not wanting to intrude, but not wanting this to go unknown, especially if things went wrong.

"Tomorrow?" Michael mournfully questioned, needing to know if his wife was going to let him back in.

"I don't know… I don't think so," Nikita tearfully responded as she closed her eyes, willing Michael to go away. "Please… I just want to sleep."

Michele looked at Michael as he pushed the chair back. He touched her face once more and felt Nikita shiver. "I love you, Nikita… and somehow I am going to make this right again…"

"I hope so…" Nikita meekly responded, but she didn't dare look into Michael's eyes. He stood up and rushed out of the room and attempted to run out the door. Michele stopped him and moved him into the den once more, looking around and refreshing Michael's cup of coffee so he could calm down from Nikita's words.

"Do you want to hear my advice, or do you just want to continue on with what you are doing?" Michele questioned Michael bluntly after he drained most of the cup of coffee. Michael looked at her and placed his good hand on the table, staring at the surroundings.

"I need her, Michele…" Michael scantily whispered and Michele nodded her head. "Do you want to listen to me?"

"I need too," Michael declared as he lifted his eyes and Michele looked at her brother, seeing that the panic attack today was the slap in the face that she wanted to give him when she had slapped him. It had taken Nikita, being very ill, to bring him back. "You can't continue like this, Michael… I heard what you were talking about with George… all the things you thought you were doing to make it easier on Nikita…"

"They weren't?" Michael inquired and Michele took Michael's hand and squeezed it, knowing that he knew that answer. "You should have asked her how to make it easier on her… and you should have known that Nikita felt guilty for your accident…"

"You know Nikita the best… and you did everything wrong… that really shook her grounding Michael… Remember when you first came to me when Nikita was pregnant… I didn't know her…" Michele started, knowing that Michael needed to come back and hear everything. "But I knew that her life was only possible because of you… when you started to order her around… you weren't the Michael that she depended on."

"I was trying…"

"It didn't work," Michele added quickly before Michael could finish his sentence. He dropped his gray eyes and looked at his sister's hand as she continued to squeeze him, letting him know that she wasn't just here for Nikita, but she was here for the both of them, as husband and wife, and as parents.

"How can I make this better?" Michael inquired. Michele leaned her head back and took a sip of her own coffee, trying to figure out what she was going to do. She had an idea how to make things right, and she didn't want Nikita to suffer, but she didn't want Michael to get out of this easily.

"I'm not going to tell you that tonight…" Michele announced and Michael pulled his hand back. "You are to be helping us…"

"And I wouldn't be helping you if I just gave you the answers… you need to think about what your role in this mess was… because you started these events…" Michele warned her brother. He tossed his head back and forth, throwing his damp curls from side to side.

"I wish this never happened…"

"I know that, Michael… But it did happen. What matters is that you know what you did wrong…" Michele pointed out as she folded her hands in her lap. She looked to the clock and swallowed. "You've had a long day… You should go and get some sleep."

"No… I need to be down here…" Michael declared, despite Michele's head shaking back and forth negatively. "I can handle these things now…"

"I'm not used to being this separated from Nikita…" Michael spoke with short words with long silence between each word.

"Be glad that it looks like this will only be for a few days… but it could have been a lot worse, Michael," Michele said standing up. She reached out and extended a hand out for him. "I'll help you upstairs.. and you can see your girls… because they also suffered through this…"

"I can't do anything for them.. I can't even hold them…" Michael complained and Michele pulled Michael up and hugged him carefully. "We'll work on that."

~~

Davenport rose from Nikita's side and covered her with a sheet that Nikita's warm body promptly threw off. He leaned to the side for a moment before trying to toss the sheet on Nikita once more, but it proved to be too daunting for Nikita to allow a sheet be on her body.

"It's the fever…" Michele commented from the doorway as she stretched her arms over her head. She had forgotten how hard it was to deal with young twins.

"I gave her a new antibiotic… but I've seen Nikita sick before…" Davenport started to speak as he moved out of the living room. Michele handed him some orange juice and moved into the some room that she had been holding court with Michael in.

"And?" Michele questioned. Davenport pulled a chair out and slumped into it. "She responds to Michael… even before they were in love… she had bronchitis and pneumonia…along with the abuse… of course I can't prove it… but Michael heals her."

"She is the one that pushed him away last night and this morning. I can't force her to accept him back so quickly," Michele commented and Davenport nodded his head. He was battling with his patient's rights and Nikita's need for Michael to be there for him.

"I talked to Michael today… for about an hour…" Davenport spoke and Michele shook her head. "I don't want to know… you are his doctor…"

"But I'm Nikita's doctor too… and I'm there friend.." Davenport rushed out as he leaned his head back.

"He was going to talk to Walter… if you can believe it…"

"He is trying to find a way to get back into Nikita's good graces…" Michele commented with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Maybe… but maybe he is just trying to find out who he has for a support also…" Davenport lectured as he turned his eyes to Michele. "He approached me about taking something for this mild depression… I agreed that it would be a good idea, until he could get things under control."

"Medication?" Michele questioned and Davenport nodded his head. "If Nikita wasn't as sick as she was… I would probably be mentioning this option to Nikita also… All of us, as their friends, missed this… This isn't just Michael's and Nikita's fault."

"Still… it's a little drastic…" Michele faltered and Davenport shrugged his shoulder as he placed his hands on the table. "Drastic, maybe… But for Michael… this is huge… You know that he dealt with everything about Elena and Adam without accepting any help…"

"Nikita is his life… he thought he lost that last night…" Michele grasped what her brother was feeling, almost feeling guilty for being so hard on him. "I don't think he is going to need it for long…"

"You don't?" Davenport questioned and Michele nodded her head.

"Once they start talking to each other.. talking will heal.. love will heal…" Michele wisely spoke as she stood up. She looked into the living room as she saw Nikita almost rolling off of the couch. "I need to go see Michael… Nikita will need to feed the girls soon…"

~~

Michael looked at his sister as she moved into the office. "Davenport told you."

"Yes… I think it is a good temporary fix," Michele judged. Michael tilted his head to the side and then sat down. "I once had a panic attack… because I was afraid that I told Nikita that I loved her too soon… I was scared stiff that by saying that, I would lose her forever… And when you said that she was sick… my world narrowed…"

"For those minutes, Michael… you weren't injured, you were feeling from your heart…" Michele spoke as she moved towards his desk, sitting on the edge and looking down to her brother. "I have a couple suggestions…"

"What? Anything…" Michael begged. Michele lightly smiled for the first time in days and patted Michael's good shoulder.

"You have tell Nikita about this depression…"

"I planned on that."

"And you have to tell her that entire wacky idea that you were trying to lessen the stress on her by doing all of those crazy things," Michele stated and Michael smirked. "Now I can see why you aren't a therapist."

"Michael," Michele chided her brother for the cold snide remark. "I'm sorry."

"You say that about a million times," Michele seriously spoke as she pointed at her brother's mouth. He nodded his head. That was well planned.

"You bring flowers… and gifts… and you read to your children… and you sit by Nikita's bedside… and you help her pump milk… you wash the dishes with your good hand… you feed yourself…" Michele started to go down the list in her head. Michael continued to nod his head and then he cleared his throat.

"There is something big that you are getting too?"

"You need help."

"I'm getting that with the medicine and I'm going to see George kind of regularly…" Michael commented without a bat of his eyes.

"I thought we already discussed that… and that wasn't the kind of help that I was thinking about…" Michele clarified.

"OH?"

"I know that Nikita has worked out a deal with Mick… and I can feel for your desire to have home cooked meals… Nikita isn't going to have the strength for a while to do these things again… Her struggle should only be with the children… You need to bring someone into the house to help out with the chores… the cooking.. the cleaning…" Michele assessed and Michael swallowed.

"Nikita doesn't like strangers."

"I'm sure you'll figure out a solution, Michael… But you have two days… I have my own family to go back too…" Michele declared as she stood up.

"I hope to see you home early tonight…" Michele commented before she left. Michael looked as the door closed.

He looked out the window and then to his desk. He had some business that needed to be attended too.