page 3 - Sailing With The Wind

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why, I cannot tell;
But this I know, and know full well
I do not like thee, Doctor Fell.

Nikita looked at Belinda as she slowly eased Cerise away from her breast. Nikita was stricken and lost right now and there was nothing that Belinda could do or say to help the young woman. Belinda stepped forward and took Cerise to burp. Walter was already walking around with the cranky Abella. Nikita had fed her first, hoping to calm the girl, but it seemed that until Nikita found a way to pull herself around, that Abella would continue. "Have we heard anything?"

"No," Belinda stated. She was sure that if she told Nikita right now that Michael was in surgery and that Davenport was on his way to talk to her, that Nikita would go further into the tailspin. This was different from seeing Nikita exhausted from trying to do everything. This was more painful and more of a haunted memory of what Nikita used to be like. It was amazing how quickly all the progress that has been made, could just disappear.

It was simply because Michael was her support and pillar, and that was threatened right now.

"I just don't know what to do… I know that Michael wants me to stay here with the twins… but he is all alone…" Nikita started to shake once more. Belinda sat down with Cerise up on her shoulder. Cerise has been wore out of everything that was going on and wasn't going to stay awake much longer. "Nikita… Michael is probably right. You needed to be here to feed the babies…"

"But… do you know how hard it is… to select between your babies and your husband, the man that got you through your pregnancy?" Nikita questioned and Belinda pressed her lips together. She had no answers for Nikita. "No… I don't know how it feels… I know that you feel torn… but you are going to have to find the strength somewhere…"

"What if I can't?" Nikita questioned as she pulled her legs up to her chest and blinked her eyes. Her head hadn't stopped pounding from the onset of this entire mess and now it only appeared to be making her feel worse. Belinda looked at Nikita's blue eyes, as they were red and sore from the crying. Belinda was almost positive that Nikita's headache was still alive and well, but that it wouldn't go away until she saw Michael.

And no one knew when Nikita would be able to see Michael.

The doorbell rang and Nikita's legs kicked out. Belinda placed a hand on Nikita's knee as Walter hollered out that he would get it. "Who would come here?"

"Davenport was coming…."

"What? Oh my god… what happened to Michael? Please….. this isn't good…" Nikita started to freak out, letting the demon thoughts that were stored in her head, to finally be verbalized. Belinda shook her head.

"Nikita… nothing bad happened to Michael…"

"It is worse than they thought, isn't it? That's why I can't see him? Why Davenport came here?" Nikita questioned as her face continued to lose its color. Belinda quaked while looking at Nikita, having seen this look in Nikita before, usually before she passed out. With a strong push, Belinda tried to jerk Nikita out of the thoughts that were now streaming from her mouth.

"OH MY GOD! I NEED MICHAEL!" Nikita shouted as Davenport pushed the door open slightly and looked at Belinda. Nikita covered her face with a trembling right hand and then pressed her left hand harshly against her head, apparently from extreme pain. Davenport tilted his head towards the door, indicating that Belinda should go and leave him to Nikita.

"Nikita… Michael asked me to come…" Davenport reported as he closed the bedroom door. He settled down on the bed where Belinda had been. Nikita shook her head back and forth. "Please… tell me that he is ok…. He has to be… he was talking to me…"

"Nikita… Michael is going to be fine…" Davenport affirmed and Nikita took a deep breath, but continued to hold her head. Davenport leaned up and started to rub Nikita's neck, right where it attached with her back. "Nikita… Michael is very very lucky… but he did tell me that he didn't want you to spend all of your time in the hospital, that it would be too stressful… I had to respect his wishes too…"

"Do you understand that he is going to be fine?" inquired Davenport as he leaned forward as Nikita's hands slightly started to drop. He felt all of the tension in Nikita still quake and vibrate even as she heard the good news. She barely nodded her head. "When can I go see him?"

"Well.. right now Dr. Mowen has him in surgery…"

"SURGERY! You SAID he was OK!" Nikita hollered and Davenport leaned his body to the right, placing distance between himself and Nikita, but continuing to rub at Nikita's neck. "Nikita… he is going to be ok… it is going to take some time…"

"Why? Why the surgery?" Nikita questioned and Davenport looked at Nikita, knowing that he had to give Nikita the news, that Michael would be very upset if he didn't, but Davenport didn't know if this was all wise.

"He has multiple arm and shoulder injuries… His shoulder blade is shattered and will need a metal plate among other things to fix it… He has two fractures in his collar bone…. And at first we thought that there was one fracture in the humerous, but there are two… only the one is very minor in comparison to everything else…" Davenport listed the injuries. He felt Nikita's body clutch with each injury and wish that there were a way to make this easier on her. "But the good thing.. is that he is only going to be in the hospital for one day… then he'll be able to come home."

"And?" Nikita questioned and Davenport took a deep breath. He didn't like the rest that had to be reported.

"Well… he won't be able to use his right arm for sometime… Due to the fractures in the shoulder, they will immobilize the arm against his body. There will be a cast from his fingers as far up the arm as possible… he will need a lot of attention."

"Like?"

"He won't be able to take showers by himself. The cast will need to be covered… and this is his right arm… so he is going to need a lot of help eating and doing those tasks we all do without really thinking about," Davenport admitted. He knew that the recovery was going to be hard on this family. But Davenport had a bad feeling that it was going to be the roughest on Nikita.

"For a couple weeks?" Nikita questioned and Davenport shook his head.

"For fractures… it is usually six to eight weeks… but with the injuries Michael sustained… it will probably be more like twelve to sixteen weeks…" Davenport slowly reported. Nikita closed her eyes and dropped her head. "Three to four months?"

"Yes," Davenport replied.

"Will I have to go to work for him?" Nikita questioned and Davenport shrugged his shoulders. "That is going to be between you two…. Michael will be able to work, only someone will have to get him to work… and Birkoff would probably have to get Michael some specialty computer software and hardware to aid him… but it is a decision to be made between you and Michael. I have no say in it." Davenport stood up and rubbed his face. "I'm going to check in at the hospital and when Michael is in the recovery room, I'll take you. Michael though has made it clear that he doesn't want you to chose him over the babies, ok?"

"Ok," Nikita stammered as she dropped her head back. She watched Davenport pull out his cell phone and go away. He would probably then report all of what he did to Walter and Belinda. Nikita blinked her eyes and then moved to her own phone, pulling it up and dialing the number committed to memory.

"Hallo?" A groggy Alain answered. Nikita swallowed. "Is Michele there?"

"Nikita? It is the middle of the night?" Alain responded and Nikita winced. She hadn't been really paying attention to time. It felt like days since Michael had fallen down the stairs. "I need to talk to Michele."

"Nikita? What's wrong?" Michele's voice quickly came over the line. She had wrestled the phone out of Alain's hand as soon as she heard Alain say Nikita's name. "Michael is in the hospital and having surgery…"

"What? What happened? Where are you?" Michele rapidly questioned as she sat up in bed, Alain now reached over and turned on the light.

"Michael fell down the stairs… he was trying to take care of me and the babies…. And he was carrying Abella…"

"Oh my god… is Abella ok?" Michele questioned as Alain held onto his wife's body. He heard Michele's words and feared what had happened. It was clear that Nikita was distraught.

"Yes… Michael gave up his body to protect Abella… and the ambulance took him to the hospital… he wouldn't allow me to go… I still can't go…" Nikita reported with new tears washing her already red and swollen face.

"And?"

"Davenport met him there… and now he is in surgery… and he has a shattered shoulder blade and a broken collar bone and some other things…. And he still doesn't want me to leave the babies to be with him…" Nikita stated as she now started to hiccup with her tears.

"Oh my god, Nikita… Do you need me to come there?" Michele offered and Alain opened his eyes wide, knowing that Michele wouldn't just offer if this weren't bad. He had a business trip planned to the United Kingdom next Monday.

"No… no… Michael will be only in the hospital a day… and Davenport says that I'll be able to help Michael with bathing… and eating…" Nikita stated, trying to sound sure of herself.

"Nikita… you can't do it all…" Michele immediately pointed out. Nikita cleared her throat and Michele looked to Alain, very concerned about her sister-in-law. "Nikita… you can't!"

"I know… Walter and Belinda have helped out… and we have people here… you can't leave your twins… I just wanted you to know." Nikita looked towards the door and heard the harsh whispers outside of it. Nikita had to wonder if they were talking about Michael or if they were talking about her. Her mind was starting to shift, to realize the reality of the situation and knowing that how she reacted was going to have to change. Michael was going to need her.

"Nikita… keep me posted ok… and know that this is the way that Michael operates… him having you stay at home with the twins while he goes to the hospital is normal… he worries most about what is best for the twins… it isn't that he didn't want you there…" Michele started to sooth Nikita, knowing that her brother had done things like that in her lifetime. He had sprained an ankle on one of her soccer game days, and Michele said that she would get him to the doctors, but Michael wouldn't hear of it. He waited the six hours for Michele to get to the game, compete, and come home, before going to have it check out, even as it turned purple.

"Why? It made me worry more…" Nikita questioned. Michele sighed and looked at Alain. He had heard the whole story of Michael many of times, and knew that the man was complicated, but worried about everyone else first.

"Nikita… that is just the way he is… ok? So don't be angry with him for it… He is really going to need you…" Michele urged Nikita.

"How can I be mad? He was trying to take care of us…" Nikita slowly stammered and then swallowed. "I should let you go… I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's ok, Nikita… and if you need anything.. please call," Michele urged Nikita, unsure that this was going to get through to Nikita. In the past it hadn't.

"I will… and I'll let you know how Michael is doing if he is too stubborn to call you." Nikita declared. She took one deep breath and swallowed. "Good night." Michele hung up the phone and shook her head. "I don't know about this Alain…"

"She told you to stay here… we have to respect her wishes…" Alain immediately pointed out, knowing his wife was the one who wanted to go protect everyone.

"I know Nikita… We saw it ourselves… she overdoes things and she doesn't ask for help." Alain shrugged his shoulders. "And they have plenty of family that will watch out for that."

"Are you sure?" Michele questioned. Alain didn't shake his head up and down, because Michele was right, they had seen it many times. "You have to be here for Philippe and Samuel… I'm leaving the country for a two week business trip… that I can't cancel."

"Your mother is here…" Michele pointed out and Alain shook his head. "Michele… now you are being like your brother.. stubborn for no reason… if they need you, they'll call."

"No, they won't." Michele replied and Alain pulled Michele down to his body and sighed. "Michele… everyone will be ok… now, didn't we have plans for this weekend?"

Belinda sat on the couch sipping the coffee as Davenport talked on the cell phone again, getting another update on Michael's condition. The first time he had called, Michael was still in surgery, but now it appeared that Michael was out of surgery. Belinda looked over at Walter, who was listening upstairs. About an hour ago, Nikita had fed the babies again, when Davenport said that the surgery was taking a bit longer than expected. She then took a shower.

"Why does she need a shower?" Walter questioned and Belinda shrugged her shoulders. She didn't want to mention it, but when she had seen Nikita after she fed the twins, it appeared that there was a settle change in Nikita's behavior. She wasn't as worried and upset, which was a good thing.

"Well… Michael is now in the recovery room… if Nikita hurries up, she will be there when he wakes up…" Davenport stated and Belinda sighed in relief. "Will he still be coming home on Sunday?"

"It appears that way," Davenport commented and Belinda smiled. The next day was going to be rough. If she knew Nikita, she would spend what time she could with Michael, rush home, feed the babies, and go back to Michael's side. Somewhere along the line she was going to have to sleep, but Belinda didn't think that would happened until Saturday evening.

The door opened upstairs and Davenport looked towards the stairs where Nikita walked down, fully dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, ready to leave. "How is he?"

"Out of surgery… we can go now," Davenport stated as he pulled Nikita's jacket out and handed it to her. Nikita nodded her head and looked at Belinda and Walter. They would be staying with the twins. "Ah… they should sleep over the normal four hours… the evening has been long on them… I'll probably be back before they wake up…."

"It's fine, Nikita.. we'll take care of them," Belinda responded with a smile. It appeared as if Nikita had found her source of strength once more. "Yeah, sugar… you go worry about Michael right now."

"Abella may wake up… if she does… when she is really upset like this… it is best to place her in the bouncy chair on top of the washer…" Nikita informed Walter and Belinda. Walter wanted to growl that it would have helped earlier that little trick for Abella, but knew that the situation was just out of Nikita's hands when they first arrived.

"Go take care of Michael!" Walter ordered his granddaughter and Nikita nodded her head. Davenport wrapped an arm around Nikita's back, guiding her out to his car. Walter moved and sat down heavily next to Belinda. She leaned her head back and looked at Walter. "It is going to be a long twelve to sixteen weeks."

"Why do you say that?" Walter questioned.

"Nikita, taking care of Michael…. And that after they got the green light on resuming relations… this is a big red light…" Belinda stated and Walter winced.

Michael and Nikita sexually frustrated were not fun to be around.

Nikita looked into the room that Michael had been moved to on the orders of Davenport. He knew that it would be only a matter of hours before the press caught on to Michael's injuries. He was already surprised that there wasn't a crew of the ravenous journalist at the doorsteps of the hospital. Davenport pressed a hand on Nikita's back. "It's ok… he should be waking up any moment now…"

"Why is he on his side?" Nikita questioned.

"He won't be able to lay on the other side… and once the fractures are healed, he'll have a lot of physical therapy to go through to regain range of motion," Davenport informed Nikita. She nodded her head and pushed the door open, shedding her coat off and dropping it to the chair that was there. Davenport turned his head slightly and looked at Dr. Mowen. "Thank you."

"Nah, man… Thank you.. it has been a while since I worked a shoulder like that… But he is lucky he had me do the surgery and not that prick David Fanning…" Dr. Mowen spoke and Davenport swallowed. He was thankful for that too. "Hey… his wife helped get Michael here…"

"Didn't you hear? David and Lisa broke up… when she decided to be a paramedic…. Lisa is better off without him… this hospital would be better off without him…" Mowen continued to speak, not really about the surgery, because Davenport had read all about it. "You know… if you ever get tired of the Centre… we would always have a place here for you…"

"I don't think I'm going to get tired of the Centre…" Davenport smiled. "I was figuring you were saying that… especially with you winning the wiles of Ariane… talk about a catch…"

"She is pretty special…" Davenport commented as he looked into the room with sigh. "This is so hard on them."

"I can't imagine taking care of it all… even without the twins, it would be hard," Dr. Mowen commented before he backed away to go clean up. He had another surgery soon.

Nikita sat there, looking at Michael's face and the arm that was tightly bound to his body. Davenport stated that they would put the cast on in the morning. Nikita didn't want to touch Michael or do anything that would hurt him. She waited and waited and waited.

Michael didn't feel the pain first. He felt Nikita's presence, and then the pain. He fluttered his eyes and Nikita came in focus. "Hey…"

"Ni-kita…" Michael rasped out and swallowed, as his throat was sore also.

"Shhh… you just got out of surgery…" Nikita whispered and Michael nodded his head and looked at Nikita. "Is everything ok?"

"Now that you are awake…" Nikita responded with a strong nod, knowing in her heart that everything was going to be ok.

"I love you, Michael…. I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to you…" Nikita rasped and Michael looked at his wife as she wiped the tears away.

"Shh… nothing happened Kita… I'll be fine…"

"In twelve to sixteen weeks," Nikita hissed and Michael opened his eyes. He didn't think that it would be that long. He sighed and looked at Nikita. "Time doesn't matter Kita…we have each other and the twins…"

"I was so scared…"

"I know, Kita… but you did a good job…" Michael declared with a smile on his face, knowing that it was a partial lie, but he didn't feel guilty at all for saying it all. Nikita needed confidence right now.

"Thank you," Nikita rasped as she rubbed her neck and then looked to her watch. "You need to sleep… and I have to get home… I'll come back in the late morning." Nikita looked to the door where Davenport was still watching them. "Is that ok?"

"Yes…. Go home and sleep, Kita."

"I love you, Michael."

"I love you, Kita."

********************

How many miles to Babylon? Three score and ten. Can I get there by candlelight? Aye, and back again. If your feet are nimble and light, You'll get there by candlelight.

"Michael… I don't think that work tomorrow is advisable.. give yourself at least one more day to get used to your new limits," Davenport advised Michael as he approached Michael's house. The man was almost silent, except when he was describing what he was going to do for the next several months.

"I have interviews…"

"Which Birkoff has already rescheduled for Thursday." Davenport slowed down because he knew that Michael wasn't going to discuss these things with Nikita around. "It is almost as if you are afraid to be home alone with Nikita."

"Why would you say that?" Michael demanded, emotion finally filling his voice. Davenport looked at Michael and swallowed. "The next several months are going to be hard on you, Michael… Maybe it would be easier if you slept in another bed."

"That isn't going to help," Michael replied and Davenport shivered. He started to drive faster, pulling around the corner and hearing Michael grunt with pain. "That is why you aren't ready to go back to work."

"Tuesday. You pick me up." Michael stared ahead and didn't even smile as he looked at the house. "Why is Walter here?"

"He has been helping Nikita out… so has Belinda…" Davenport replied, finding Michael's behavior odd.

"Why? Does Nikita still have her headache?"

"No.. but it has been a stressful time, Michael… It isn't going to get easier…" Davenport commented, wondering if Michael had any idea of how hard this had been on Nikita, as she had found herself trying to do everything. It had appeared that she was doing it all, but Michael had to admit that somewhere, Nikita needed a break. The twins were only two months old.

"We will do fine as long as we don't have interference."

"Ok… whatever, Michael," Davenport dropped the subject. He had heard from the nurses how impossible he had been during the entire hospital stay, probably another reason why Michael wasn't going to spend another hour in the hospital. The staff was relieved to see him go.

The door at the house opened up and Nikita stood there with Abella in her arms. She waved out to the car and Michael smiled. "She looks to be doing perfectly fine…"

Davenport rolled his eyes as he pulled up. Nikita had already learned from the pros what she was going to have to do. She handed Abella over to Walter and then started down the stairs. She opened the door and looked at Michael. "Ok… Let's get you out of the car… Give me your left arm…"

"It is so good to see you.. and to be out of the hospital," Michael whispered as he leaned his head back, waiting for Nikita to place a kiss on his lips. "Mmm…"

"Come on, Michael… You need to be up into the house and settled in…" Nikita declared as she pulled her head back slightly. She supported Michael's left arm, helping him to move out of the car and to start walking. The arm was bounded to Michael's entire body and how that was done with various straps and Velcro. The nurses had helped Nikita yesterday learn about the care of the equipment, how to help Michael into clothes, and most importantly, how to bath him.

"What's for dinner?" Michael questioned and Nikita smiled. Michael had detested each and every meal at the hospital, to the point that Davenport had snuck fast food into the room, because Michael's stomach was growling so loudly. "Mick dropped off Irish bacon and cabbage with some parsley sauce…"

"What?" Michael mumbled and Nikita turned her head and looked at Michael. "It is really good…"

"I don't want that… I want food made at home…" Michael declared and Nikita rolled her head back. "We have some tomato soup…."

"I just have the worst food in my life… and you want me to have tomato soup?" Michael questioned as he looked at Nikita as Davenport walked up the front yard, shaking his head at Walter and Belinda. "What would you like Michael?"

"I would really like Rougaille Boudin…" Michael stated and Nikita almost got sick. It was among her least favorite things to eat… and she hated to make it, although Dominique had helped her learn how to make it. Just of thought of the food made Nikita sick to her stomach. There was something about this black pudding in tomato sauce, that turned her stomach upside down. "Michael… we don't have the stuff for that…"

"Fine… we'll have that cabbage stuff…" Michael snapped and Nikita fluttered her eyes. "Hey, Dav… can you make a run to the store for me?" Davenport looked at Nikita and nodded his head as Nikita continued to walk up to the house with Michael. "We had a bed moved into the den."

"I'm not on bed rest."

"I thought it would be easier… and you won't have the twins waking you up…" Nikita attempted to explain and Michael shook his head up and down. "I'll sleep upstairs… with you."

"Oh… if you think that is what you want," Nikita spoke as she attempted to smile. Michael was leaning on her going up the stairs, and she was sure that he didn't notice. "Who is crying?"

"That would be Cerise…" Nikita declared as Belinda started to turn. Michael cleared his throat. "Belinda… Nikita can go… I don't need her by my side constantly…."

"Oh?" Belinda questioned and Michael nodded his head. Nikita smiled at her grandfather and moved into the house, feeling overwhelmed already.

"I'm starving.." Michael complained as Nikita stood at the door with Belinda. "We'll be fine…"

"He is pushing you like you caused this…" Belinda warned and Nikita shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"He'll get through all of this…"

"You think?" Belinda questioned and Nikita nodded her head. "He just needs to be home… he'll be better tomorrow."

Nikita waved to her grandfather and then nodded her head, letting Belinda go home with him. Nikita shut the door and sighed as she moved back into the dinning room. Michael sat there, looking around, limited by everything. "Let me get it… It just needed to finish off… and I wanted to be alone…"

"Well… at least things will get back to normal now," Michael declared and Nikita walked to the kitchen as her face winced with that comment. She wasn't sure that there was a normal yet. She had just gotten use to taking care of the twins with Michael's help. Now, she had two twins to take care of and Michael. It didn't compute.

Nikita picked up the dish and then pulled out the food she had warmed for herself. She may have made one of Michael's favorites, but she wasn't going to eat it. Nikita walked back into the dinning room and placed the dishes down. "You aren't having any?"

"I don't like it, Michael… and I have to watch the oil in my system…" Nikita stated the truth with a lie, hoping that it would please Michael enough so he wouldn't obsess over this point. He didn't seem to be the man that Nikita knew before the accident. He was on an edge and she didn't want to push him pass it.

"I didn't know that…" Michael stated as he looked down and then looked at Nikita. "Actually… I haven't quite mastered using my left hand for eating yet."

"You need help?" Nikita questioned and Michael nodded his head. Nikita pulled his dish closer to her and started to make a fork of food, willing herself to forget that it was food that she would never eat. She picked it up and steadied it to Michael's mouth. He leaned forward, ate it, and sighed with happiness. "I could eat this wall week."

"Well… why don't we try to help you with your left hand?" Nikita questioned, leaving Michael's statement alone. She had no plans on making this meal every day for the next week. She had no intentions in making all the meals for the next week. "Nikita… I just want to eat a whole meal… can't we do this tomorrow?"

"Fine," Nikita announced with a fake smile on her face. She continued to feed Michael as she scrambled to take a few bites of her own. She felt guilty for being upset at Michael for finding it impossible to feed himself and for wanting his favorite food. Nikita scolded herself that the binding that kept Michael's right arm immobilized bothered his other arm and caused the problems Michael was having.

Nikita was about to get some more food for herself after Michael had finished his second serving when the twins started to cry. "I'll go find up what's up… and I'll be down to clean up…."

"I'm tired…" Michael declared and Nikita smiled and took one deep breath. "If you can just give me a few minutes, I'll be down to help you upstairs, ok?"

"And I'll need a bath… I didn't let the nurses…" Michael added and Nikita nodded her head up and down, trying to pretend that she was happy, but already she wondered how many more weeks this was going to be for.

Nikita looked in at the twins and almost sighed in relief. The crabbiness that had marked the time since Michael got hurt until now had passed. Nikita looked at her babies, Abella and Cerise, and knew that they knew their father's voice. Nikita rubbed her arm and leaned against the door, aching for bed.

"Kita…. Where are you?" Michael called out and Nikita turned her head slowly. She had been telling herself if she didn't run immediately and do everything as quickly as possible, that she could do this all. Nikita had a plan to start easing the twins to sleeping longer, especially during the night. She had plans on getting the food delivered to the house, when Mick couldn't drop it off or when Michael wanted something homemade.

She had a lot of plans.

Nikita moved down the hallway and watched Michael as he precariously sat on the toilet, looking around. Nikita pushed the door opened all the way and placed the baby monitor down before closing the door. "You seem to have that down…"

"It took me five minutes to sit down, Nikita…" Michael retorted unhappily. Nikita nodded her head and looked at him. She had work to get done. "Do you want me to try the spray in shampoo so we don't have to fuss with water for the hair tonight?"

"It needs washed," Michael stubbornly declared, thinking about what he wanted, not thinking about what would help Nikita out. He didn't even realize that Nikita was worried about all of this as she turned and rummaged through the bags of supplies that Davenport had brought home with Michael. She first pulled out the covers that would be needed for the cast and then looked at Michael. "First… let me undress you…"

Nikita squatted down on the floor, taking one of Michael's feet into her hands. She pulled at the shoe and swallowed. She realized that whomever helped Michael out this morning tied the shoelace extremely tight. Nikita pulled at the knot and declared silently that Michael wasn't going to wear these shoes until he was better. Nikita succeeded in getting the first shoe off and looked at Michael. "Other foot."

Michael kicked his leg up, not looking at where it was going. He kicked Nikita in the knee and sent Nikita falling backwards. Nikita landed with a thump and a sigh. "Nikita… are you ok?"

"Sure," Nikita declared, dusting herself off quickly and going back to work on the difficult laces once more. Nikita then looked at Michael and stood up. "You need to stand up so I can get you out of the pants and underwear…"

Nikita balanced Michael on his good side and hauled him up. Nikita unbuttoned the jeans, glad that he wasn't wearing a zipper. She ignored Michael's natural reaction to her touch and pushed the jeans to the side. Nikita swallowed as she looked at the underwear. "Tighty whiteys? Since when did you start wearing these?"

"Since I was cause without any underwear on," Michael groaned and Nikita dropped her head and swallowed. "Boxers… easier to deal with…"

"Nothing is best," Michael declared and Nikita shook her head, pushing her fingers in-between the elastic and Michael's body. She yanked them down quickly and then helped Michael to sit down. Then she pulled both the jeans and the underwear all the way off, ignoring the jutting arousal that Michael was sporting.

"Ok… Let me unbutton you and we'll get your hair washed," Nikita spoke in a business manner, knowing that she had to get Michael washed up and to bed, so she might fall asleep before feeding time. It took some time and some wincing, but Nikita worked the shirt off of Michael. She looked at the bruise that had stretched across from his right shoulder and down his back and down his chest. Nikita touched it gingerly and then pulled away. "Nikita.. everything is going to be fine…"

"I know," Nikita snapped as she pulled up the tarp and started to wrap the cast up carefully, as instructed. Nikita then pulled out another plastic device that cupped around Michael's head and created a funnel for the water to be poured back into the sink while washing his hair. "Can you turn your legs more towards the door?"

Michael scooted along the surface and finally was angled right. Nikita turned on the water and started to fill up cups. "Ok… let's get this started…"

Twenty minutes later, Nikita had Michael's hair finally rinsed. Her arms hurt from pouring so many glasses of water and knew that next time she needed a pitcher to help with the washing of his hair. Nikita ran the water up in the sink and pulled out a sponge. "Ok… sponge bath…"

"You know, Davenport said that we should be able to use the shower…" Michael pointed out and Nikita shook her head. "Let's get through this a couple days, ok? Until I know for sure that I'm tying the tarp over the cast good enough… I don't want to do anything wrong."

"It would be faster…" Michael commented and Nikita nodded her head. "It would… but for now… this will do."

Nikita pulled the sponge out and ran it across Michael's chest and looked as the water dropped down his stomach and Nikita felt her entire body lurch with desire. Michael was throbbing and Nikita swallowed.

She washed his chest and then washed his legs, neglecting what she could only think of. "Kita…"

Michael was in pain from the arousal. He didn't know that he would be this turned on from a sponge bath from his wife. With Nikita just undressing him, he was stunned with how quickly he grew hard. Then, as she washed his hair, he had the treat of smelling her and looking at her swollen breasts, that he ached to lick and suck.

"Do you need some tension released?" Nikita's voice cracked as she dropped her hand to the inside of Michael's thigh. "Oh… god, please…"

Nikita looked up at Michael's half closed eyes and lightly rubbed her fingertips over the raging tip of his hardness. His entire body shuttered with the touch and Nikita realized how badly Michael needed her help right now. Nikita leaned in closer and brushed a kiss to Michael's cheek as her hand slightly wrapped around his straining flesh, and Nikita found her fingers barely touching. "Ki-kita…"

"Shh… Let me…" Nikita seductively whispered as her breath registered on Michael's cheek. He swallowed harshly, wondering if he was going to be so easy to release this pressure. He felt ready to explode from Nikita's touch already. "Do you feel it?"

"God, Ki-kita.." Michael rasped again as he strained to open his eyes, but his world had narrowed to Nikita's hand rubbing up and down him. He almost jumped to his feet as Nikita dropped her other hand down, cupping him as she continued to slide her wet hand up and down. She rubbed the tip and then smacked her lips together. "Let it go, Michael…"

"I can't…" Michael hissed out as he grunted. He didn't want to be reduced to this. He wanted to be in Nikita.

"You have too…" Nikita whispered as she flickered her fingers over the top and then lightly, but carefully, dragged her fingernails along the silken skin that was hot as lava. "Michael… let it go…"

"Ugh… Kita…" Michael panted as his body surged against her hand. Nikita carefully watched Michael's body, making sure that he wouldn't be thrown off balance as he thrust forward against her hand, grinding it against her fist. Nikita waited until he was done to withdrawal her hand. She picked up a washcloth, cleaned Michael and the mess. "Ready for bed now?"

"Yes," Michael tiredly responded and Nikita nodded her head. She bowed her head as she went to gather Michael's clothes, totally thinking about Michael's needs.

And nothing about her own.

"Is the bed best there?" Nikita questioned as she looked at how Davenport had positioned the bed all the way against the wall, so Michael couldn't turn over onto his damaged shoulder. Michael nodded his head against the soft pillow and then rubbed his good hand against the empty space on the bed. "Join me?"

"The twins will be up in a few… I want to check on them… and clean up a bit…" Nikita declared as she turned her back, hauled off her damp shirt from bathing Michael, and then reached back to undo her bra. Nikita pulled her nightgown over her body so quickly that Michael barely saw the skin. "You are so good to me."

"I have to be," Nikita declared as she moved towards the bed. She tenderly sat down, scared stiff of sharing the bed with Michael. "You are pretty amazing…"

"Why thank you…" Nikita stated as she turned her head, hearing the stirring in the nursery. "The girls are getting restless…"

"I thought you were going to start getting them use to crying some first?" Michael spoke, knowing that he had heard that.

"It's your first night home… and I'm sure that you didn't sleep well at the hospital…" Nikita commented as she stood up, seeing Michael wince with pain from the bed vibrating. Nikita pushed the thought of her mind as Michael looked at her. "Come back soon…"

"I will…" Nikita declared.

Nikita walked out of the bathroom after washing her face. She looked down the darkened hallway and didn't know where to go.

She didn't want Abella and Cerise waking Michael up. She didn't want to hurt Michael. She didn't want to leave Michael alone.

Nikita looked at the chair at the end of the hallway and started to drag it. She was sure that she was going to feel those effects in the morning, along with having to support Michael with her arms, but Nikita felt safer now. She placed the chair in between Michael and the twins. She leaned her head back with a soft sigh.

She was exhausted.

Day one of 84 to 112 days.

*********************

Upstairs, downstairs, upon my lady's window, There I saw a cup of sack and a race of ginger, Apples at the fire and nuts to crack, And a little boy in the cream pot up to his neck.

"Do you like that? Ah? Abella… Cerise… Abella… Cerise…" Nikita giggled as she played with her twins, after a long week of dealing with Michael being home from the hospital. He had been crabby when he stayed home. He was even more of a bear when he went to work. Nikita's life had been limited to Abella, Cerise and Michael, not in that order.

Nikita had tried many times to stop thinking about how much she hated the situation, knowing that Michael didn't like it much either, but at times, she couldn't help it. She wanted time for herself. She wanted to be pleased. And she wanted to feel appreciated.

Many nights, Nikita helped Michael release his built up tension, but there was never any thought to herself, leaving Nikita often frustrated and angry at herself for feeling that way.

"Oh boy… you two love this…." Nikita sang out as she looked at her daughters.

It was Abella and Cerise that were getting her through this. A smile from them, and Nikita's heart would feel ok again.

They were so happy in their swings and as the phone rang, Nikita cranked both up, knowing that she could do as she did yesterday as she had helped Michael eat, leave them in the swing, happy as can be.

"Mommy is going to grab the phone darlings… ok?" Nikita stated, although it was unnecessary. Both girls were giggling smiling as they swayed back and forth, over and over again. Nikita dashed into the living room, grabbing the portable phone and returned to the dinning room as she answered. "Michele! I have been trying to get a hold of you all weekend."

"Is something wrong?" Michele immediately questioned, knowing that she had four messages on her machine from Nikita.

"No… everything is fine… especially because of you… The swings are darling and work so well," Nikita gushed and Michele took a deep breath. She had taken the boys and her mother-in-law to a park for the weekend and only returned now. She was afraid that Michael had done something unacceptable. Michael was a man of honor and pride. For him to be helpless and needing Nikita to do everything was doing something to him that Michele wasn't sure would show right away.

"So they like it?"

"No… they love it… and it gives me somewhere to have the twins so I can help Michael eat and I can eat myself…" Nikita declared and Michele hitched an eyebrow up. "He hasn't been using his left hand?"

"It only creates a mess… which I have to clean up… So it is just easier for me to help him," Nikita explained and Michele wanted to groan. "So, have you had any time alone with Michael?"

"All of that is on hold," Nikita strained out as she thought about the past seven nights and pushed the thoughts out of her mind. "I'm going to try to get him to the park… fresh air."

"That's a good idea," Michele responded; glad to see that Nikita was trying to do something with Michael. She wasn't sure how lucky Nikita would be in succeeding her in goals.

"The girls must feel not having Michael hold them…" Michele commented, wondering if she could pull out any other information, to know if she was going to have to give Michael a phone call of reality. She couldn't slap him, but she could still get to him if needed.

"They hear his voice… and he has been able to touch them with his other hand… so it isn't that they are totally isolated from their father… I think Abella actually pulled back some… but she has come around…" Nikita spoke as she leaned her head back. She stood up and Cerise started to wave her hands about. "Do you want to talk to Auntie Michele? Is that what you want?"

Nikita looked at Cerise and held the phone, but that wasn't what she wanted. Nikita cranked the swing back up and the smile was back. Nikita laughed as she watched the swings part their rhythm, Abella swinging back while Cerise was swinging forward. "Michele…. They don't like being swung in the same direction…"

"Be glad!" Michele laughed. She knew that her boys hated doing anything separate from the other, and for the first several years of their life, it drove Michele almost to the brink of insanity.

"Well… I have to get going… I have to get these two washed up before I have to tackle dinner…" Nikita announced and Michele glanced at a clock. It was barely 11 in the morning and she frowned. She had a bad feeling that Michael was taking his frustration out on Nikita and didn't even know it. "I just wanted to make sure that you know how much I appreciate these swings…"

"Nikita… the twins are going to change rapidly. Take the time to learn them with each step… and take lots of pictures," Michele advised before they exchanged good wishes and broke the phone conversation off. Nikita dropped the phone down on the table and looked at her two little cherubs as they swung happily back and forth.

If only things were as easy as Abella's and Cerise's life right now.

Michael rolled his head to the side and felt the pain. He really should take another pain pill, but there was so much work yet to do. He still hadn't found anyone suitable to be the Chief Fiscal Officer. All the interviewees had been not interested about the work being down at the Centre. They were all money hungry and thought that working for the Centre, would launch their careers. Michael had no plans on hiring someone for a year, only to replace them in a year when the profit-world came back for them. The door opened slightly and Belinda appeared. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better…" Michael admitted, but he really didn't let it show how frustrated he was. It was probably the frustration that met him each and every day that was more impossible to deal with than the pain. Belinda turned and closed the door. "I hope you are getting rest… along with Nikita."

"Nikita is amazing," Michael declared. He sighed for a moment, knowing how much Nikita had given of herself to make sure that he was comfortable and how she kept their physical relationship alive. Michael shook his head slightly, forcing the images of Nikita's hands on him away.

"Well.. I know that I was going to come over with the twins today after dinner…"

"What? I didn't know that. Why?" Michael immediately demanded. He didn't see the reason why.

"Nikita wanted to go out…" Belinda stated and Michael shook his head. "She didn't tell me…"

"Well… I think that I have to cancel… See… we just got that grant for starting the Grandparent Mentor Program here at the Centre, and I have to meet the committee that awarded it… and since I wrote Walter in it… he has to come too…" Belinda started to explain. She felt so guilty along with being happy. Belinda knew that the program was going to work, and help children. But it couldn't have come at a worse time.

"I'm sure that Nikita understands…. She is starting to get restless at home herself… I think Mick is going to start meeting with her about the next fundraising event…" Michael calmly stated as he smiled inside. He had no plans on going out once he got home. Belinda nodded her head and rubbed her hands together. "Let Nikita know that I'm sorry… and that maybe some other time this week…"

"I'll be sure to mention your offer to her…"

"Thank you, Michael…" Belinda stated as she turned and left Michael's office. He pulled the drawer out with his left hand and pulled out a few pretzels. He was starving, but would never have anyone in the Centre help him. After Michael chomped on the pretzels, he hit the button for the speakerphone and then the one-touch button to dial home.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Kita…. I just wanted to check in…"

"How are you feeling?" Nikita questioned as Michael looked towards the window. He was drained, but couldn't let it on. "Fine… I wanted to go over a few work things…"

"Oh?" Nikita questioned, as she was surprised. Michael went over things rarely, because he was attempting to respect Nikita's leave of absence in order to be there for her twins. "Yes… I thought that you would love to hear that the grant that Belinda sent in was approved… it is going to take a lot of her time… I think she has a meeting tonight… and several more… She isn't going to have any free time any longer."

"And Walter?" Nikita inquired, trying not to panic. She knew that the grant program that Belinda was awarded was a worthy cause and that it was needed. But Belinda often was her break from everything else.

"Belinda recruited him to help out too…" Michael informed Nikita.

"Oh… I should have expected that," Nikita replied, trying not to sound upset, but she was. They had been the only other people from her 'family' that she had seen since Michael came home.

"And even though we haven't any where used the funds from Adrian… I was thinking that we should get another event started… I called Mick and suggested that you meet with him next week sometime…" Michael continued in a brisk pace, not giving Nikita time to think about what was being said, and how her support was being washed away. "You want me to come in to the Centre?"

"No… I thought that for now, you could work on the fundraiser at home… It should only take a few hours during the afternoon… and that is when the twins sleep, right?" Michael declared and Nikita choked. It was when she slept herself.

"It should be an issue," Nikita lied and rubbed her hands together.

"That's all…" Michael ended the business aspect of the conversation. "What are we having for dinner?"

"Dinner? I called Mick for a delivery…" Nikita scrambled about, moving to find the piece of paper that she had written down the menu for the evening. Nikita ran into the kitchen and was relieved to find it stuck on the refrigerator. "Yachae Jook and Bulgoke."

"What?" Michael hissed with distaste.

"Michael… its Korean food… I think the one is a vegetable soup and the other is a beef dish," Nikita explained, trying to keep this on track. She really didn't have the energy tonight.

"I don't want that… I want home made food," Michael declared and whined at the same moment. She pressed her lips together and silently sighed. "What would you like, Michael?" Nikita knew it was just easier to ask Michael than play games with him, because he would never be pleased until he got what he wanted.

"Perciatelli con le lumache," Michael declared and Nikita turned her head away from the phone as she tried to compose herself. "You want snails tonight?"

"I have been thinking about them for a few days now… My mother used to make the dish, Kita…. And I asked Dominique to teach you how to make it … because some days, I just want to have the food that I had when I was young," Michael started to speak and Nikita sat down, pulling out a notepad and the recipe book, knowing that she was going to have to call out for a food delivery. "I'm not eating this with you."

"You've never tried it."

"And I won't," Nikita promised quickly as she looked at the recipe and shivered as she looked at the word snail on the page.

"Fine… but I would really enjoy it tonight." Michael smoothly spoke. "You did ask what I wanted."

"I know… and I'll get the grocery to send me this stuff…"

"How are the girls?" Michael questioned, at the end of the conversation. Nikita tapped the pencil up and down on the notepad, thinking in disgust that right now, his children rated last in the conversation.

She wouldn't even be asked how she was, it wasn't asked anymore.

"They are sleeping now… But I better get going," Nikita stated with a sigh.

"Ok… I'll see you after six,"

"Have a good rest of the day, Michael…" Nikita spoke, but Michael had already disconnected. She turned and rubbed her head. She had a headache that wouldn't quit.

Nikita looked at the recipe and shook her head. The girls were crying and if she didn't get the order in for the snails, Michael wouldn't be eating until eight o'clock, which would then throw off Nikita's chances at getting a rest this evening.

"Damn him…" Nikita muttered as she threw the pencil across the room. Her plans for the evening were in shambles, not to happen, and Nikita ached for time that was only about her and Michael. She had a feeling that she should just call Michael and say that they were out of snails, but she worried about the ramifications of that. Michael just might expect her to pack up the twins and find a market that did have them.

Nikita moved towards the phone as it rang. Nikita raised an eyebrow and pulled it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Nikita… I have second thoughts about dinner…" Michael began and Nikita almost sighed in relief. Michael knew that Nikita hated the thought of anyone eating snails, and she thought that he had suddenly came to his senses.

"Oh? Do you want me to call Mick back and have them deliver?" Nikita offered.

"Ah… no… see I was just talking to the head of human services and he was going home to Shark Marsellaise …"

"I don't know how to make that," Nikita immediately replied, even as she shivered. She didn't know why Michael just couldn't eat something normal.

"Kita… will you listen? I'm not asking for Shark Marsellaise…"

"That's good… I wasn't going to make it because I only know that it has shark in it…" Nikita flatly spoke, finding this not humorous at all.

"Kita… remember when I showed you how to make Kalamarakia Me Krassi?"

"No," Nikita snapped, not because she forgot it, but because she wished that she didn't remember it.

"Come on, Kita… it's just squid in Red Wine…. You liked the sauce…" Michael declared and Nikita leaned against the wall.

"That's what you really want?"

"Yes," Michael cheerfully spoke, hearing that Nikita was giving in to his request.

"Fine. But I'm not eating it." Nikita hissed and then slammed the phone. She was near tears and she pulled the phone back up to call the grocer before Michael could call back and change his mind again.

Nikita dropped the fork as Michael dabbed the dry French bread into the sauce and offered it to Nikita. "No thank you…"

Nikita stood up and pulled Cerise out of the swing. Nikita sat back down as Michael hitched his head to the side. "You aren't going to eat anything more?"

"I had a huge salad, Michael…" Nikita declared as she forced the words out much like she had forced herself to eat the salad. She had lost her appetite when they first started to discuss dinner earlier in the day.

Snails, shark, and squid had that effect on Nikita.

"Look at Abella… she could stay in there all night…" Michael stated as he spied the swing going back and forth, Abella happily waving her arms around. Nikita nodded her head and pressed her lips together. Cerise was trying to reach for her hair and Nikita pushed it over her shoulder, scolding herself for not pulling it up, knowing that the twins were trying to grab everything these days.

"We should get them ready for bed," Michael declared and Nikita nodded her head as she stood up, going to the swing.

The statement was ludicrous coming from Michael. He wasn't going to help put them to bed.

"Why don't I get them changed and dressed… and then you can read them a story?" suggested Nikita as she started to move towards the stairs. Michael looked at her and nodded his head, knowing that the twins would more than likely be asleep by the time Nikita got them settled down in the cribs enough to help him up the stairs. He hated being separated from them.

"Would you turn him away, Abella? And tell him to play with someone else for a while? Cerise, would you ask for a ride and sit there astride with your face alight in a smile?" Michael spoke softly the words by Everett Eugene Wiginton. It was from a book that Nikita had found, and the story, Unicorn Dreams, was one that Michael loved to read to his daughters most of all. He looked at them as they were silently asleep and felt a pain deep inside of him.

"Unicorns, you see, are fancy and free, and may not stop by today…" Michael whispered as he glanced over his shoulder to see Nikita, ready for bed. "Ah..but should he stop by, don't be frightened or cry. We'd rather not scare him away!"

Michael closed the book and placed it down on the changing table. He reached out and touched each of their darling faces, and wished that he could kiss them goodnight. He turned and tiptoed out of the room.

"Ready for your bath?"

"God, yes…" Michael growled deeply with passion. Nikita turned and pulled of her top and walked into the bathroom. Nikita waited for Michael to arrive and slowly undress him as she had done all the nights before. They had placed a stool in the shower now, and Nikita carefully draped the cast, twice over before turning on the water. "How does that feel?"

"Heavenly," Michael groaned once more as Nikita's fingers were leaving a trail of fire on his skin. Nikita looked down and rubbed her hand against his throbbing erection. She pressed her lips together and squatted slightly. "No, Kita…"

He touched her face, pushing it away slightly, but Nikita stayed solid and pulled slightly on her hands.

"Why?"

"No… not like this…" Michael hoarsely whispered and Nikita shrugged her shoulders. "Michael… you need some kind of release… I just thought of something new…"

Michael grunted with growing passion as her fingers tickled against him. He wanted to stop Nikita, but her lips touched him in an intimate kiss to his erection. She was worshipping him and he wanted to pusher her head away.

But he needed her.

"Oh, yes, Nikita…"

Nikita looked in at Michael on the bed and shivered. She looked back to the bathroom and then walked downstairs.

This didn't feel like her life. This didn't feel like her husband. This felt entirely out of her control, and she didn't like it.

Nikita opened the front door and took a deep breath, standing in the moonlight, looking over her shoulder, wondering what task was next, and why she was still being tested.

************************************

Make no noise, no sudden shock, My little child is sleeping; Nani! Nani! Nani! Nani! Be all his ailings healed! The sun sleeps on the mountains, the partridge in the fields, My little child is sleeping between the linen white; Sleep sleeps upon the mountain, the partridge in the wood, My little child is sleeping to take his fill of sleep. Sleep, my child, with fond caresses, Sleep nourished with perfumes, Joy be with thine awakening, And cakes for thy wedding day! ~~ A Greek Nursery Rhyme translated to English

"Michael… we have to talk," Nikita strained out as she looked at her husband, pacing in the kitchen, back and forth. He stopped and blinked his eyes. For a moment, Nikita felt guilty for thinking this way, but then she looked at him and knew that she had to do something.

"Davenport will be here any moment…" Michael pointed out and Nikita stood at the door and looked over her shoulder.

"Is that more important?" Nikita questioned and Michael blinked his eyes. He had been feeling like he was missing something ever since he came home. He was only into the third week of the cast and Michael couldn't wait for it all to be over. Michael didn't know why he never found Nikita in bed with him. He never knew why sometimes she looked so far away. He didn't know why she was being so darn nice to him.

"It is what I can do," Michael declared with sharp words. Nikita looked around and moved to the coffee pot and pulled the plug out. "Michael… we have to talk."

"About what?" Michael demanded and Nikita rubbed at her nose. She couldn't believe that Michael didn't know about what. Her guilt about feeling this way was dissipating once more. All of the thoughts that she had the night before, when she organized this talk with Michael was gone. She had no way to approach this situation, when she was the one keeping the family together at this moment. She wasn't sure what would happen if she showed she was crumbling. "Do I really have to tell you?"

"Nikita… I have no idea what you are talking about. We are doing great, aren't we? We don't need help… and that is what we have always wanted," Michael commented and Nikita nodded her head up and down as the car horn beeped in the distance. Nikita licked her lips and picked up the lunch bag. "Here is your sandwich."

"You always know what I need…" Michael complimented Nikita as he kissed her cheek and walked towards the front door. Nikita dashed ahead to pull the door open, as Michael's hand was full. Nikita watched as he walked down the stairs, finally finding his balance after three weeks. Nikita waved to Davenport and watched as the car pulled away, her plan of talking to Michael vanished.

Nikita stepped forward onto the porch as she kept the door open. It was so early today, the girls weren't even awake. Davenport has demands on his schedule, so Michael has been keeping Davenport's schedule. It seemed that since Ariane was teaching that two week long symposium on gestations of twins and multiples, that Davenport thought that it was easier to work, than go home alone.

Nikita rubbed her arms, feeling the warm air. She had gotten the dual stroller last Thursday, and ached to take the twins out. In fact, she tried to talk Michael into going on a walk on Saturday with them, but Michael thought that they were too small still. And now, as Nikita thought about it, she was just too tired.

Nikita's complaints weren't too many, but they seem to be getting bigger and bigger in intensity.

1. Michael had to let her have help. 2. She needed time with Michael alone, just to be near him. 3. Nikita couldn't continue to jump around to make Michael's desires for dinner. Nikita found that she had virtually stopped feeding herself whenever Michael requested something odd, and very little at any other meal. 4. Sex.

Nikita dropped her head forward and rubbed at the taunt ponytail, wondering if all mothers felt like six years have passed, when it has only been almost four months. Nikita took a deep breath and was frightened with how easy would have been to close her eyes right out on the porch and sleep.

Nikita's head whipped up when Cerise began to whine gently. Nikita stood up off of the stairs and started up into the house. She had plans for the past several days to entire baby-proof the house once more. The girls were starting to grab everything and anything that their hands could grab around. Nikita thought they had taken care of the house once, but now Nikita realized that she was very wrong. She had walkers sitting in the closet that Nikita was sure that Cerise and Abella would enjoy as much as the swings, but knew that the house just wasn't ready for the twins to be moving around in those wheeled toys.

With a heavy sigh, Nikita started upstairs, but stopped as the cries stopped and she suddenly had a realization about herself.

Nikita had been very careful after the birth of the twins, because of her history, to make sure that she didn't let the hormones sweep her into a depression. But now, almost four months later, Nikita got to look at herself.

Nikita found it difficult to enjoy anything, even when her daughters were exploring something new for the first time. Nikita, although at times grossed out by Michael's choices for dinner, wasn't eating as well as she could and has been eating. Her sleep was limited and fitful. She hadn't slept a full night in bed since Michael arrived home. She felt wrong for feeling guilty. The energy she thought she had has vanished into thin air, with no traces left. It was a struggle sometimes to even find the strength to go upstairs when the twins were crying. She had terrible headaches, more frequently now than ever before. She was sure that she wasn't enough for Michael and the twins that somewhere, she was failing at everything. And she wasn't sure that this was ever going to be rectified.

Nikita shook her head back and forth. They were all symptoms of depression, but the question laid on why this was occurring.

Michael appeared to be the answer to that question.

Nikita turned and settled on the stairs, wondering on what to do now. She thought last night, that if she could just talk to Michael about what she was feeling, that things would improve, but he was inapproachable. He said it himself early this morning, "We don't need help… and that is what we have always wanted."

Nikita heard Cerise fussing again and stood up, going to her daughters. She picked up Cerise and smiled gently as her breast throbbed with the need to feed her. Nikita looked at Abella, who was still fast asleep and settled down in the rocking chair with Cerise. The girls sometimes needed this time alone with their mother, with the other twin asleep, and Nikita could cherish these times.

Nikita cocked her head to the side, thinking about everything that had been filling her mind since Michael left. Maybe she just needed a break.

And nothing said that she had to tell Michael that she asked for help.

Michael turned his head from the passing terrain and looked at Davenport. "Is there anyway to make this go faster?"

"What? The drive? Do you know a shortcut that I don't know?" Davenport questioned. Michael frowned and his eyes turned gray. Davenport looked at Michael and shook his head. "Bones take time to heal…"

"But there has to be something more… I was reading about the healing rods… and electro-magnets…" Michael started to declare, even as Davenport shook his head back and forth.

"Your body is taking care of itself… it just takes time…" Davenport reminded Michael, but he was sure that it wasn't going to be enough.

"Maybe if I start a calcium supplement… I have made sure to eat more cheese…" Michael suggested as Davenport pulled up to a red light. He looked at Michael with stern eyes and wanted to stop this conversation.

They had had it last week, only know, Michael had really finished some research.

"Michael… you have multiple fractures… it will take time…" Davenport started once more.

"Well.. I read that if you increase your Vitamin C and Vitamin K… that it could speed up the progress…" Michael started and Davenport rolled his eyes. "It could… it doesn't always happen… especially with people who are always so particular with your vitamins to start with… Michael, you are a healthy man that has taken a daily multi-vitamin for every day that I have ever known you… increasing one or two of these, isn't going to help you…"

"It could… what if I eat more apples?"

"For more boron? Michael… time is the great healer… and you have plenty of it," Davenport stressed as he started to drive again.

"I'm missing the twins growing up!" Michael hissed as he turned his head to the side and stared out the window. "I should eat more tofu… it has more calcium…"

"Michael…"

"I read many articles that spoke about how helpful tofu is in cases like mine… and I have plenty of recipes…and I don't mind tofu…" Michael continued, not allowing Davenport to talk. Davenport slammed on the breaks and looked at Michael.

"Michael… it may have worked for one, but there are no guarantees!" Davenport pointed out with a raised voice. He took one shallow breath and started to drive once more. "Plus, I thought Nikita absolutely hates tofu?"

"I have to do something. I can't stand sitting around being helpless," spouted Michael and Davenport slammed his right hand into the horn as a car cut them off and because of his frustration. "You aren't helpless… maybe that is something that you can change. Because thinking you are helpless when you aren't, only hampers healing, Michael."

"What about gum plant? I heard that it works too…" Michael continued and Davenport took one deep breath.

"Listen to me… if you spent all of this time with your twins, reading to them… and being next to them, that you have spent on the internet researching all of these possible but not really proven ways to heal yourself faster, you may not be feeling like this right now," Davenport lectured, but Michael merely turned his head to the side and stared out the window once more.

Davenport was sure that Michael wasn't ready to hear what he was really saying to him.

Mick tapped his foot impatiently as he stood at the door. He didn't want to ring again, as he didn't know Abella's and Cerise's schedule, but he had waited about three minutes already. Mick pushed the doorbell once again and dodged from side to side, trying to find a way to look into the house. "Popsicle? You home?"

Nikita jerked the door open as she patted a towel to her face. Mick blinked his eyes and threw a smile on his face, trying not to react to how tired she was. "Doll face! You are enchanting… I'm sorry that I'm a little late for our meeting…"

"Meeting?" Nikita questioned and Mick pulled up the folder that he was carrying and tapped it slightly.

"For the new fundraising event… It looks like it is you and me again…"

"That was today? I totally forgot…" Nikita muttered as she backed up, allowing Mick into the house. She pointed towards the kitchen and Mick looked around, hearing the noises from the kitchen. "If you need me to go… we can reschedule…"

"No… No… I just have to continue working on dinner… Come on back…" Nikita declared and Mick wrinkled an eyebrow up. "Dinner?"

"Oh yes, Michael sent a menu and recipes today…" Nikita spoke, rolling her eyes. Mick chuckled lightly and placed the folder down at the table as he moved to the countertop to peruse what Nikita was cooking.

"Why so much tofu?" Mick questioned and Nikita pulled out the sheet and handed it to Mick. "Michael thinks that if he eats more tofu, he will heal faster."

"Everything here has tofu in it," Mick commented and Nikita nodded her head. "But Popsicle, you don't like tofu!"

"I don't. I have to make something else for myself…" Nikita commented as if she was very used to making two meals.

"No way… I can't believe this…" Mick countered as he placed the paper down. Nikita shrugged her shoulders and then rubbed at her forehead. "Michael just has had a weird appetite of late…"

"Yes, but you have to eat too… and we've been having weird food at Abella and Cerise!" Mick steamed, finding it hard that Nikita was willing to do all of this for Michael. She was exhausted and Mick wanted to scream.

"But not squid, snails, or tofu when Michael wants it," Nikita added as she looked at the draining tofu that was for the Miso-Glazed Tofu with Cabbage & Peppers. "Now… talk about the possible ideas for the fundraising event before the twins start to wake up.

"Ok… ok…" Mick grumbled as he moved back to the table and pulled out a pad of paper. Nikita pulled out the crab that she needed to clean and remove the cartilage from. She was working on the Crab Pupus, which Michael begged for. It was a mixture of crabmeat, tofu and cream cheese placed in Won Tons. Nikita saw the work as tedious. "We could do the large event again…"

"Me and Michael can't do a weekend, let alone an entire day event…" Nikita pointed out as she waved a spoon at Mick. She started to turn on the oil for the deep fryer and continued on in the same manner, moving quickly to finish the time consuming treats for before dinner.

"Well… then maybe we can do a dance…"

"Not enough… it needs to be a bit more upscale…" Nikita directed Mick as she tested the oil and jumped back as she dropped the Won Tons into it. Nikita looked at Mick and sighed. "What about a concert?"

"That's a great idea… I know this techno group that will groove…"

"I wasn't thinking along that lines… I was thinking more of a classical or soft music…" Nikita directed Mick towards the event that she would wish to have.

"You want to go that uppity?"

"Yes," Nikita stated as she turned to look at the next tofu recipe that needed to be completed. Carrot- Tofu Soup with Dill. Nikita pulled out the carrots and started to peel and slice them. Nikita turned on water and continued as she looked at Mick. "I think we can charge more for tickets if we get some opera stars… and some American Broadway singers…"

"Oh yes… those would be expensive, expensive ticket prices…" Mick agreed as he watched Nikita. She pulled at an onion to break up the repetition of working with 1 ½ pounds of carrots. She instantly started to cry when she started with the onion. "Try chopping it under water…"

"That never works," Nikita snapped and then the twins started to cry. Nikita swallowed and leaned her head back. "God… I never have enough time…"

"I'll finish with the onion… you go to your twins," offered Mick as he stood up, forgetting about the event. Nikita placed a soft kiss on his cheek and the dashed up the stairs. He pushed the recipes off to the side, knowing them every well himself for the few health nuts that he had dated over the years. He worked on the carrots and that boiled that with the onion, until he pureed it and placed in the tofu and other ingredients.

Mick wiped at this forehead and heard Nikita still talking to the twins. She was so tired and Mick just turned and continued on to the next thing to cook, the Miso-Glazed Tofu with Cabbage and Peppers. It was something that Mick wasn't going to let Nikita cook by herself. He had heard stories about Nikita's cooking.

Nikita ran down the stairs, a twin in each arm and stopped as she entered the kitchen. Mick was cleaning off the table and setting it. "What did you do?"

"Everything is done… the soup, the cabbage and peppers… even that Peanut Power drink, that I don't think that is that good… who wants to drink tofu… and your desert Apple Tofu Pie… although I would like to know who is going to eat that entire thing," Mick spoke with a flourish of his hands. Nikita blinked her eyes as she placed Abella in his arms.

"You did it all?"

"You were a little busy… and correct me if I'm wrong… You look exhausted!" Mick declared and Nikita turned her head, but didn't correct Mick. He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at Abella. "Mommy doesn't know how to say no."

"Mommy does know how to say no… it is… I can feel what Michael feels like right now… and if making what he wants to eat, helps keep him happy, I'll do that," Nikita emphasized. Mick shrugged his shoulders and dropped the towel into the sink. "I also made you a delightfully light and fresh chicken salad with big leafy lettuce leaves…"

"You didn't need to do any of this…" Nikita pointed out and Mick smiled. "It is not every day that I have special request… Now… about that event…"

"Oh God… we didn't get anything done…" Nikita whined as she rubbed at her head. She moved out of the kitchen and placed Cerise into the swing and started it. It was amazing that Mick knew to follow suit and do the same with Abella. "Don't worry Popsicle… you gave me an idea… and that is what I needed…"

"Michael wants me to be helping you…"

"Michael needs not know what you are or aren't doing…" Mick stubbornly declared with a smile on his face. "Just like… he doesn't need to know that I cooked dinner… you just take the credit, got that doll face?"

"Of course," Nikita smiled and Mick hugged her slightly. "You ok about all of this? You can call me whenever Michael is being moody and needs something special to eat…"

"That's almost every day…"

"So, I'm on call… just give a ring-aling… and I'll appear with bells on my hands and feet, ready to serve," Mick softly spoke as he made a deep bow. Nikita shook her head, but finally felt some relief.

"Dinner was very good," Michael commented as he settled down on the bath chair. Nikita turned and stared at his body, already reacting from being in the bathroom with her. Nikita turned on the water as she double checked the tarps over the cast. "Good."

"Is something wrong?" Michael questioned and Nikita tossed her head from side to side. She picked up a cloth and started her duties. First she soaked Michael's hair and washed it, allowing the wet curls to spring up around his neck. Then she washed his flanks in silence, watching her hand and not his reactions. Michael still shivered with her touch and felt the fire blaze over his skin. "Oh, Nikita… I'm so glad that we have this time…"

"Why?" Nikita questioned as she dropped the cloth and looked at Michael. "You aren't done…"

"I think you are washed and that your hair is washed. What else is there to do?" Nikita demanded with a raised eyebrow.

"Kita…" Michael growled as he nudged his hand forward, trying to tease Nikita into touching him. Nikita looked towards the showerhead and placed her head underneath the running water. She had never bathed herself while bathing Michael, but tonight, she ached for sleep. "Michael… I just want to go to bed…"

"What? You mean… come on, Nikita… we both need some relaxation…" Michael's voice cracked as the thought that Nikita would help his condition. Nikita turned and looked at him. "I wanted to talk to you today… and you ran out… I cook for you whatever you want… Tonight, I want to go to sleep early. Is that asking too much?"

"No… but I don't know where this is coming from…" Michael stated with blinking eyes. Nikita twisted the faucets off. Nikita pulled at the towel and wrapped it around her body. She tossed Michael a towel and stepped out of the shower. "I'm going to bed."

"Are you? Or are you going to sleep out in the hallway?" Michael shouted out, feeling neglected. Nikita turned and then pulled a t-shirt over her body, allowing her hair to continue to drip water. "I'm not going to respond to that… because I have nothing to feel guilty for."

"You never sleep in our room anymore! You come in… lay down for a few minutes… and then sneak out…" Michael argued as he stared at his wife. Nikita turned her head to the side and then rolled her shoulders back. "I go check on the girls… and I feel that if I stay in the room with you… that I'll hurt you… and I don't want you like this for longer than you have to be."

"You think I like this? Do you think that I want to stay like this?" Michael yelled and Nikita closed her eyes. "I don't know Michael… You won't talk to me… you have been ordering me."

"Now, I am not going to respond to that, because there is no basis to what you have just said." Michael stood up and started to dry his body and then pulling off the tarps from his cast. Nikita stared and slumped against the sink. "You really think that?"

"I think you just don't realize what I'm going through and maybe you should understand what I need…" Michael spoke and Nikita shook her head.

She was already doing everything that she could humanly do for Michael.

Nikita turned her body and opened the door, leaving the bathroom. "Where are you going?"

"Away."

"You are leaving me?" Michael questioned in pain, tears about to sting their way down his face, although he hadn't noticed the tears that Nikita had been trying to hide for weeks now. "I'm not leaving you, Michael… because I love you… but right now… I don't know who you are."