"Oh... that is occurring.. But that isn't what I am upset about." Nikita said as Madeline reached the tea out to Nikita.

"Tea?" Madeline softly questioned and Nikita looked around then the snapped her hand out at the tea, splashing it against Madeline's robe and the floor underneath. Madeline looked at her robe and then at Nikita.

"That is uncalled for." Madeline stated calmly, knowing that if she rose her voice to Nikita's level it would only serve to agitated Nikita further.

"Oh... like sending me out for another jog to meet that scary and freaky doctor was called for!" Nikita screamed as she turned around in a circle. Madeline blinked her eyes and sighed as she pressed her lips together. She was trying to find the words as Nikita stepped forward.

"YOU KNOW YOU WERE WRONG!" Nikita screamed as she shook Madeline with her hands on Madeline's shoulders. Madeline could only blink her eyes as the motions and actions seemed to be happening so quickly, that she couldn't control them. In fact, Nikita had moved away from Madeline before Madeline had realized that she had.

"Nikita..." Madeline said.

"I hate that you do this.. You think that you..."

"Nikita..."

"Control us like we are your puppets..."

"WE AREN'T PUPPETS!" Nikita screamed.

"WE ARE HUMANS!"

"Nikita...if you would..." Madeline huffed out.

"Can't you see it?"

"Or aren't you a human any more?"

"Are you blind? Every time you do something like this you are destroying the human race!"

"Nikita, don't you think you are going a bit extreme on this!" Madeline cried out at Nikita's rant. Madeline shook her head as she suddenly felt like she was having the same type of conversation that she had with Michael the night before. She didn't know when the operatives like Michael and Nikita decided that it was all right to speak to her like this.

"NO! I'm not extreme!"

"There is something wrong with him... and with you!"

"Nikita..."

"Don't Nikita me... I don't like you! I hate you and I hate him! If you think there is a problem then you deal with it.. Because I'm not! You are the problem!" Nikita screamed as she turned around and pulled off the wet T-shirt and threw it at Madeline.

"I'm suppose to be recovering... not running around in the rain because you wanted me to meet this crazy doctor! I wasn't even supposed to run.. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR NIKITA!" Nikita screamed as she started to stomp up the stairs.

"Nikita... let's talk!" Madeline cried out and she stopped as she heard her own voice screaming. She stepped back and listened to Nikita's attempt of breaking her door off the hinges. Madeline closed her eyes and trembled, wondering when she got so caught up with Nikita's argument. Madeline rarely raised her voice as such and she didn't know why it occurred, and it scared her.

*

Madeline's stomach growled as she stared out the kitchen window at the morning light that had been growing warmer and warmer with each passing minute for at least the past five hours, if not more. She turned the faucet and swallowed as she looked around the kitchen. She had some cereal at seven when she first woke up, but that was some four hours ago. Madeline wasn't a woman that liked cereal, in fact even as a child she didn't have cereal, yet she did not know how to cook anything. Even with Simon's directions last night she ended up burning the pork chops.

Madeline turned as she started to hear movement from Nikita's room and she smiled. Hopefully Nikita would want something to eat and make too much, as she always seemed to do. Madeline believed that she was doing it purposely, to rub it in that she could cook and that Madeline couldn't. Madeline didn't even worry about how Nikita was as she moved around the room above the kitchen, as she was imaging what Nikita was going to cook the both of them.

Madeline turned and saw Nikita stiffly walking into the living room, looking like death warmed over, but not very warmly. Nikita lifted her head and looked at Madeline crookedly and Madeline licked her lips and slowly swallowed.

"Good morning, Nikita." Madeline said and Nikita only looked at Madeline with her eyes. The look alone portrayed to Madeline a thousands reasons why she should not be in the house at this moment. Madeline's heart knew why Nikita appeared as such, but Madeline was one that rarely followed her heart. She listened to her mind and listened to reason.

"You look stiff." Madeline softly and dryly commented. She waited as Nikita rolled her head up and looked at Madeline with a blank stare that would have put Michael to shame. Nikita blinked her eyes and slowly turned away from Madeline, looking like she was escaping to her room again. Yet Nikita continued the turning motion and turned around with a very different look on her face.

"Why yes, I am stiff. I wonder why?" Nikita smartly remarked and Madeline sighed. She looked to her hands and heard her stomach rumbled. Nikita rubbed at her nose and showed the signs of catching a cold. Madeline swallowed and reached out for Nikita.

"Go sit on the couch." Madeline said as she pointed to the living room. Nikita rolled her eyes and stared at Madeline.

"Is that an order?" Nikita hissed out with a voice that Nikita heard now as being sore and raw. She blinked her eyes and looked to the living room.

"You look like you are about to fall down... It is my fault for your pain... I will help you." Madeline said and Nikita blinked her eyes. She stared at Madeline and sighed heavily as she turned around.

"It's an order." Nikita said in that same smart tone that was starting to get to Madeline's grating nerves. She had spent the night trying to dissect this meddling into Nikita's life now. She had patiently sat back and waited on everything that occurred with Nikita. All the other times she watched the bad and horrid things happen to her and now she was trying to change something. Madeline spent hours trying to figure out her motivation and still couldn't make heads or tails of it. It bothered her in her sleep and now it bothered her as she woke. Never had she done something like this for an operative. Never.

'Why now?' Madeline questioned herself as she looked at Nikita trying to sit down on the couch. Madeline shook her head as she washed her hands in the warm water and dried them. Madeline was pausing for some reason that she didn't know.

Yet the answers were deep within Madeline's mind, but she was too scared to access them. Somehow, the profile of being mother and daughter drove Nikita back to that bad relationship. The problem that was occurring was at times, Madeline was acting like a mother, while at other times, she was being Madeline. It was something that Madeline couldn't see because of her own hang up with the subjects of mothers and daughters and the whole maternal instinct. She didn't want to have that maternal instinct, but as she slowly walked into that living room, she was Madeline being Madeline, she was Madeline being mother.

"Is it your entire right side that hurts, where the bruising was?" Madeline questioned as she reached the couch and reached for Nikita. Nikita flinched but Madeline knew that it was not from any deep seeded psychological fear that caused her to do such. It was caused by the tightened muscles that had Nikita bound up tighter than a spring. Nikita was ready to explode if her muscles didn't relax.

"Mostly... especially in the back." Nikita said softly as she carefully looked at Madeline. Madeline smiled and touched Nikita's hair softly and rubbed the top of her head, as if telling Nikita with body language alone that it was all right that she wasn't going to hurt her at all. It was at that point that Nikita melted her façade and allowed Madeline in. It wasn't because Madeline was ordering, but because in those few seconds, Madeline's small heart was on display in her eyes.

"Let me rub.... I spent some time in a Buddhism temple and learned a few good techniques." Madeline said and Nikita tilted her head to the side and Madeline giggled even as Nikita slightly coughed. Madeline had revealed something to Nikita that was not known, except to Paul. Nikita slowly lowered her body down to the couch and Madeline touched her shoulders first.

At first Madeline was going to speak but she held back, for some reason why Madeline didn't even know. It was like the moment was almost too peaceful for Madeline to spoil with words, as it was one of the few things that Madeline had ever been able to do for Nikita that Nikita would know that she did.

"About last night..." Madeline softly said as she heard Nikita sniffling. She pulled her hands away and pulled for the tissues. Madeline handed them to Nikita and saw that her nose wasn't running but instead there were tears in her eyes. "Why?"

"Michael was good at this..." Nikita softly said and drifted off. Madeline raised her head and looked to the windows. Nikita was being so quiet and Madeline found the silence was echoing the problem that was between the two of them.

"He wants to see me again tonight..." Nikita said slowly and Madeline nodded her head and moved her hands further down to her shoulder blades. Madeline paused as she rubbed tightly to the muscles, feeling the difference from the right side of her back to the left.

"I shouldn't have made you run... and I don't want you to run tonight." Madeline said and Nikita lifted her head and started to get a spasm as she turned. Madeline pushed Nikita's head down and rubbed the neck out and it was not until her hands moved that Nikita sighed.

"But what about meeting Dr. Bowles?" Nikita questioned and Madeline paused as she pulled the rings off of her fingers and dropped them to the carpet. Madeline looked at Nikita and believed that she probably shouldn't get off the couch for the rest of the day, and Madeline was now learning from her mistakes, as she had told Nikita about five times yesterday.

"I am seeing him today... I will tell him that you are sick." Madeline said as she started to rub Nikita's lower back. All of the muscles were losing up, even the ones that had large knots. Nikita was softly breathing in and out until Madeline's index finger nudged a pocket that felt like a large knot.

"Ouch!" Nikita hissed and Madeline looked at her back and saw that the spot was still bruised. She pushed at it and Nikita continued to hiss and suck in air, undoing all of the good that Madeline had been able to achieve.

"Does that hurt, Nikita?" Madeline questioned and Nikita shook her head no and Madeline took hold of her head and stared down into Nikita's eyes. Madeline felt Nikita's jaw relax as she blinked her eyes.

"Yes." Nikita said almost tensely and Madeline shook her head as she rubbed at the spot, finding it not budging as normal knots do. It was from Madeline's touch that Nikita started to find a worry about and Madeline thought quickly.

"It's a stubborn knot... I'll rub it again tomorrow, ok?" Madeline said as she moved her hands back up to Nikita's shoulders, but her eyes were left on that spot.

"Madeline, are you worried?" Nikita questioned and Madeline almost jumped as she pulled her eyes away from the spot. She shook her head and looked at Nikita carefully.

"About what?" Madeline said and Nikita rolled her eye and rolled onto her back.

"Me not seeing Dr. Bowles." Nikita stated and Madeline sat down on her heels and looked at Nikita with a heavy sigh. She looked to the fireplace and then back at Nikita's eyes.

"I never think that therapy is needed every day... especially one this kind of care... Unofficial.. Unorthodox... Plus, if you are going to be the difficult patient... Be the difficult patient." Madeline said and Nikita nodded her head and closed her eyes as Madeline's stomach rumbled loudly again and Nikita giggled.

"Did you check the dish cupboard?" Nikita said and Madeline shook her head as she was confused by Nikita's statement. Nikita rolled her head back and showed that she wanted to sleep more. "I didn't sleep well last night... came down and made some strawberry muffins."

Madeline laughed as she stood up. It was in moments like this that Madeline almost felt human, as she needed to satisfy her hunger for food and because Nikita had shocked her. Madeline walked into the kitchen and rubbed her head as the headache was building.

Madeline couldn't stop her thoughts as she pulled the muffins out that Nikita had made. Here she had found out that more than likely that Nikita was missing Michael and that was something in which Madeline had callously forgotten about in this whole mess of things. Of course he was the unnamed man that Nikita loved, but that wasn't the point. Since Nikita fell out of that window and got to that house, she was in the care of Michael. Madeline shook her head as she pulled out some more milk to go with the moist muffin.

Then there was this thing on that back, which could very well be a major knot. Madeline tried to buy herself on that thought, but with the way things were going right now, she wasn't sure of anything. If Madeline were questioning herself, of course she would be questioning all of her decisions, PERIOD.

There was only one thing that Madeline was sure of, that Nikita, maybe not today, but soon, would go back to Dr. Bowles and that it was a good thing. Maybe all of this tension wasn't all about the run but more like a symptom that Nikita was thinking that Madeline was right. One never knew with Nikita.

It was crazy when some operatives made wide claims that they would rather deal with Nikita than with Michael, because she was easy to read. That wasn't the case for Madeline. Michael worked and moved on motivation and if you knew the motivation, then you knew what he would do. How Nikita worked seemed to be a complex formula that Nikita didn't even know herself. Her current state of relationships; not just the one with Michael, but those with Walter and Birkoff influenced her. It had some weird reflection of her hormonal cycle, which was not abnormal for women, but also influence by something else. Madeline knew she would never know what it was and just thought it as being that cosmic factor that Nikita had and others did. Madeline would take Michael any day; he was most often consistent. Nikita would throw you a smile and then black stare you like Michael within seconds and the truth would never be known.

Madeline expected Nikita to be asleep, but instead she found Nikita rolled up on her side, blowing her nose. Madeline sighed as she remembered that when Nikita was being trained, Madeline had to teach Nikita how to do that activity. Madeline at the time didn't seem to feel anything, but now as she saw that task that Nikita had mastered so quickly, she felt the disgust that should have been there when she first met Nikita and first experienced what her mother did to her. It shouldn't have taken over five years for Madeline to feel this way towards Nikita's mother.

"What are you going to do today? Stay home?" Madeline questioned as she looked at Nikita. Nikita closed her eyes and rolled her head to look at the curtains.

"Sleep... but Madeline..." Nikita said softly and Madeline stopped as she was planning on taking the shower. The tone in Nikita's voice told her to stop and look at her. Madeline smiled as Nikita lifted her body slowly, still showing Madeline the reasons why she should have gotten at least a small whirlpool in the house.

"Can we go for a walk tonight to the East Park?" Nikita questioned and Madeline nodded her head as she ran her hand against the surface of the doorway.

"That sounds nice... We may even go to the West Park. How does that sound?" Madeline said and she was rewarded by a soft giggle that made Nikita seem so alive. It was a state that Madeline sometimes didn't understand from any operative, but it was difficult with Nikita to see how that hope stayed alive. She wasn't going to question, as Madeline was afraid of what the answer might be, because Madeline in the deepest way was afraid that she was already dead. She said it to operatives but deep in her heart, she believed to her core that she was still fighting. Madeline didn't realize that she was showing that she was alive now, by activity doing something. She may never see it that way.

"Two parks in one night. Do you think we can handle it?" Nikita joked softly and Madeline rolled her eyes and looked to the wall.

"I have to get ready..." Madeline said as she turned and walked down the stairs. In the time that passed for Madeline pull together, Nikita had fallen asleep with a small assortment of tissue around her head. Madeline sighed and pulled a blanket over Nikita's body before she left for the day.

*

Section One operatives are all trained to look at the unexpected or unpredicted events and be on alert for them. Usually it could mean something and most often changed the entire cycle of a profile or even a mission. The target switching things that were accepted, as being normal was one way operatives were able to know that something was up. That was what Madeline thought when the receptionist wasn't at Dr. Bowles' office when she arrived. Madeline knocked on the glass pane and waited.

"Madeline... come in. Would you like some coffee?" Dr. Bowles said as he opened the door to his little offices and looked at Madeline. Madeline turned and swallowed and entered behind the man as she slightly trembled.

"I don't drink coffee and I had plenty of tea with Nikita this morning." Madeline said and Dr. Bowles nodded his head and escorted Madeline past the room that she had visited the day before and into a more casual break room like setting. Madeline pulled at the plastic chair and sat down.

"Sorry about the change of scenery, but a patient of mine had an accident in the office..." Dr. Bowles explained and Madeline nodded her head, not for a second believing what he was saying. Madeline pushed a smile on and looked to her hands. He poured his cup of coffee and sat down across the table from Madeline. His files were already there on Nikita and Madeline.

"Did Nikita speak of me this morning?" Dr. Bowles said and Madeline looked to the wall, as she shook her head no back and forth. She swallowed and sighed loudly.

"No, but I don't know if that is because she didn't want to talk to you or because she got a nasty cold from being stuck in the rain last night." Madeline said and Dr. Bowles said nodding his head. He was certain that Nikita would have spoken to Madeline about him. He had that feeling from Nikita that she didn't let her mother get away with things. Dr. Bowles frowned and smiled at Madeline.

"You are right, she really does need help." He said, as if complimenting Madeline for the successful pick up of her daughter's own psychosis. Madeline sadly dropped her head, as her stomach churned as the manner he went along with his speech felt cold.

"Can you help her?" Madeline questioned and Dr. Bowles pushed a cassette tape in front of Madeline and looked around.

"I want to see her again, tonight and everyday... It is for the best, even if I do have to chase her down." Dr. Bowles said and Madeline nervously blinked her eyes. Of course it was a reaction that was what Dr. Bowles expected, but Madeline was trembling inside, suddenly feeling that all of this was extremely wrong.

"She is sick. She can't run today." Madeline said defensively and Dr. Bowles nodded his head and folded his hands.

"Are you sure that she is sick?" Dr. Bowles questioned and Madeline blinked her eyes. She wanted to defend Nikita in that instance, but knew that to do so would not be the concerned mother. Madeline pushed her hands together and rolled her head around.

"Yes.. She has a fever." Madeline finally firmly replied and Dr. Bowles nodded his head and dropped the issue. He didn't want to run Madeline away from him and he picked up a pen and pulled open the file and flipped a few pages. Madeline blinked her eyes as she looked at the vast amount of data that he had pulled together in just one meeting. Madeline turned her head and tried not to pay attention to the file.

"I can visit you tonight." Dr. Bowles said and Madeline shook her head.

"I think it is best if we keep the therapy out of my house, to make it a place not associated with any pain that therapy may bring." Madeline stated with a logical tone. Dr. Bowles nodded his head and pressed the play button.

"I want you to hear some things she said.... To let you know that it is best to allow me to proceed in a progressive manner before she loses what she wants." Dr. Bowles said and Madeline dropped her eyes to the tape recorder as her heart started to pound.

This move was a gross injustice of the doctor/patient confidentiality that needed to be preserved. There were specific reasons for a doctor to break it and the only one that Dr. Bowles here could argue was that Nikita was a danger to herself and others, which Madeline knew was not true, unless you set Nikita up to meet with the doctor. Madeline felt a ringing in her ear, like an alarm that everything was wrong, but she ignored it, as there was nothing she could do now.

"I act like an abused woman. I know." Nikita voice echoed out of the tape recorder a bit distorted but distinctly Nikita's voice. Madeline looked at the tape recorder as all of a sudden, Madeline the mother was listening. She leaned forward and waited.

"I want to give you freedom from your demons, Nikita." Dr. Bowles' voice followed and Madeline swallowed. That was all that she was trying to do for Nikita too, and Nikita hadn't allowed it to happen. Madeline in those moments didn't want Nikita to accept his help. She wanted to give it; she wanted to help the girl she knew much intimately than this arrogant doctor.

"I don't believe you Dr. Bowles. It will never happen." Nikita stated and he turned off the tape recorder. Madeline lifted her head and shook it as she stared at the doctor. He nodded his head and looked at the paper.

"I don't know her history... and I don't believe you know her history... It's going to take a progressive and aggressive manner to get to that information." Dr. Bowles said and Madeline opened her mouth with a light sigh and then she licked her lips lightly.

"I do know some..." Madeline said and Dr. Bowles shook his head as he reached out and took Madeline's hands. Again a feeling that Madeline was about to call alarming was traveling her skin. She gritted her teeth and shook her head back and forth. "I can help."

"It won't be worth anything if I can't get it from Nikita. She has to face it, not hide from it like she is from you. You do not help your daughter." Dr. Bowles said in a deep voice as his eyes almost turned vicious. Madeline pulled her hands away and shook her head.

"I got her back.... From the streets, which was impossible when I did so. I got her off the drugs. I did that, not you, nor anyone else. So if I am so bad for my daughter, what would have happened to her?" Madeline reacted as she stood up and started to pace, starting to hate the brightness of the room that she was standing in. She turned and leaned against a wall as she stared at Dr. Bowles.

"I keep neglecting the fact that you are trained, but private relationships, sexual relationships, can't be healed by a mother." Dr. Bowles asserted firmly and Madeline turned her head to the side and started to weight her options. She could run, like every instinct in her body told her to do, but then she wouldn't have the files that she needed and his fingerprints. She could stay, and then stop the therapy, which could cause Nikita to break and enter and only cause more tension between her and Nikita. Or she could stay and seek the treatment for Nikita, even though the doctor was unorthodox and went beyond what Madeline would call acceptable, he got responses from cases that were difficult, as such Nikita was.

"Would you rather I move out of my own house?" Madeline bitterly questioned and Dr. Bowles stood up shaking his head as he approached Madeline as she allowed the tears to roll down her face. Dr. Bowles wiped them away, just another thing that Madeline didn't approve of.

"I don't understand when abused women got to women for therapy. She is scared of men; she should see men to get comfortable again. I can do that... but I can't have you questioning every morning what I am doing." Dr. Bowles said and Madeline swallowed back her anger. The same instincts came to her mind, wanting to run away from this man. She couldn't even see him as a doctor any further; yet Madeline held that back. She saw his research and he helped women for some unknown reason without going to the point of abusing them.

"Fine... I'll be the mother." Madeline said as she snapped up her purse and ran out of the room. She did what she wanted to do, run, but also gave Nikita a chance at healing. Yet, Madeline could reconcile the turbulence in her heart and soul. How could she send Nikita to a doctor that right now she was running away from? How could Madeline appear to be confident in this doctor as he proved that it doesn't do things by the book?

Madeline moved out of the office and bit her lip. She hurried to the car and slammed the door as she pulled away. She drove quickly and headed towards South Street. Madeline was going to allow Nikita to cook tonight, but right now, Madeline needed ice cream, and that would be what she bought.

*

"Dinner was good, Madeline." Nikita softly said as she stood next to the doorway of the kitchen. Madeline placed the dishes into the sink. Madeline turned and smiled at Nikita. She had easily found some food that all she had to do was stick it into the oven. She had a feeling that Nikita was still not feeling good when she arrived home and willingly made dinner several hours later.

"I'm glad you enjoyed." Madeline stated and Nikita nodded her head as Madeline moved to the freezer. She pulled the door open and enjoyed the freezing air that rushed to her body. Madeline slowly moved her fingers to the small pint of ice cream and turned to look at Nikita's eyes hanging down sadly. "What is it, Nikita?"

"What about our walk?" Nikita softly questioned and Madeline paused as she stared at Nikita. Madeline was about to droll as she thought of the chunks of ice cream for Ben and Jerry's until she saw Nikita's face staring at her. She pushed the ice cream back into the freezer and reached for Nikita's hand.

"The ice cream can wait." Madeline said as she turned and pulled Nikita's arm lightly. Nikita allowed her arm extend before Nikita turned and started to step after Madeline. Madeline opened the back door and waited for Nikita to turn and close the door.

"It's a beautiful house." Madeline softly said as they rounded the house. Nikita looked at the house and silently nodded her head up and down. Madeline pressed her lips together and swallowed. She knew that Nikita never spent anytime in house and rarely enough time in an apartment. Madeline, though, had spent plenty of time in a house. Of course it never felt like her house once Sarah died. Everything reminded not only Madeline's mother about Sarah, but also Madeline about Sarah. Everyone worried about Madeline's mother and neglected to notice Madeline. Madeline shook her head and looked back to Nikita.

Nikita looked like the landscape was swallowing her up. She looked uncomfortable walking down to the sidewalk of Grape Blvd, and Madeline wanted to pull her out. It was easily done as Madeline laced her fingers in between Nikita's fingers and lightly nudged her with her shoulder.

"It's a nice town." Madeline stated and Nikita smiled briefly and looked at Madeline.

"I didn't tell you how much I hate these missions, have I?" Nikita questioned and Madeline reached out with her other hand and pushed Nikita's hair back. Madeline felt that Nikita was hiding a lot but hoped that maybe with the more comfortable feeling that seemed to be engulfing them would help ease that.

"Why didn't you tell me? And why don't you?" Madeline softly said and Nikita laughed and dropped her head, as she seemed embarrassed by her actions and her words. Madeline waited and squeezed Nikita's hand, letting her know that she didn't need to do everything right now, that she would wait for Nikita's answer.

The talking didn't occur until some time later, when the duo turned left onto North Street, heading towards Lemon Center. Nikita cleared her throat as she walked across the street and both Madeline and Nikita giggled as a small child was running circles around their parents.

"I use to dream of towns like this one... houses of happy families... with a mother and a father... and those 2.2 kids and that dog and the cat that fight with each other..." Nikita finally started to admit and Madeline nodded her head.

"And you didn't have it... but don't you enjoy your time?" Madeline softly stated, hoping that if she changed the way Nikita was viewing what was occurring it could change her experience. Nikita looked to Madeline and sighed.

"Well... Vernsville was nice... and that other town.. Mrs. Papappas was a bit overbearing." Nikita said and Madeline laughed. Madeline nodded her head as she had heard some stories about this woman, but saw that she just wanted to be a mother to Nikita and that Nikita hadn't been able to yell and scream because she was injured.

"But sometimes... its like walking in a fairytale that I have no right to be in..." Nikita said in a soft voice that drifted off. Madeline nodded her head and looked at her hand as Nikita squeezed her hand softly back.

"Ok, this is going to be a stupid question, but what is your favorite color, Nikita?" Madeline said in order to break the sadness that seemed to have found its way to Nikita's voice. Nikita laughed like a little child and looked at Madeline with red cheeks.

"Green...." Nikita said as she started to protest as Madeline shook her head. "But I liked the color green before I knew Michael!"

Madeline laughed and wiped at the tears that collect in her eyes from the laughter. She did think that Nikita was talking about Michael's eyes. Madeline barely heard Nikita's explaining about the grass was green and other words as Madeline couldn't believe that she had instantly jumped to the conclusion that Nikita liked green because of Michael's eyes. Of course Michael's eyes when filled with emotion seemed to burst in the seams with lush emerald green, but they were so much more.

"And of course.. Most importantly... green was the color of money... green Ben Franklins... That is why I liked the color green." Nikita finished explaining with a smile still on her face. The words sounded so sad though, explaining how since she didn't have money as a child, it became her favorite color because it was so nice to see the money and the color. Madeline swallowed as suddenly she looked up and saw that East Park was on their left. Madeline looked around and started to walk up into the forest area.

There were a few areas not filled with trees and Madeline settled down on the grass and Nikita raised an eyebrow at the sight. She wished she had a camera for this sight, as Nikita was sure that Madeline would never do something that seemed to normal again. Nikita slowly got down on the grass next to Madeline.

"Lay on your side... I'll rub your back again." Madeline softly offered. She watched the careful eyes of Nikita studying her until Madeline guided Nikita to put her head down on Madeline's own legs. Nikita stretched out and sighed softly as Madeline began to carefully rub at the shoulders.

"Nikita... sometimes I get the picture that I studied what the streets were like for someone is wrong... Was it always bad and depressing?" Madeline softly questioned as she slowly raised her hand up to stroke Nikita's hand. Nikita turned onto her back and looked at Madeline with a laughing smile.

"They weren't depressing and sigh when you were high... and I spent most of my time that way." Nikita said and Madeline dropped her head and tried not to smile. She wanted the seriousness here, but knew that Nikita had to be funny to protect herself a bit.

"What about the times you weren't high?" Madeline said and Nikita rolled back up on her side, hiding her face from Madeline. Nikita picked her hands into the grass, pausing, avoiding the conversation. Nikita moaned softly as Madeline started to move her hands back down Nikita's back. "Nikita?"

"No... not always." Nikita softly said and Madeline nodded her head. The stories and biographies were always slanted as they were written for a point, to stop the kids from running. Yet, Madeline was sure that no article that Nikita could have read would have stopped her own plight from her mother. Madeline licked her lips and looked up at the sky that was slowly getting darker.

"Do you have a memory that was happy?" Madeline questioned, prodding, but not in a painful way. She waited as she could almost feel Nikita thinking by the rippling of her muscles. Madeline waited and waited and then finally leaned her head back, sure that Nikita was not able to get pasts the bad memories and to the ones that might seem to be happy memories.

"There once was a circus in the one town... I don't remember where I was..." Nikita softly said and Madeline responded by rubbing at Nikita's back a bit more vigorously.

"That doesn't matter, Nikita... What happened?" Madeline questioned and Nikita again rolled over onto her back. Her eyes appeared free from tears as Nikita smiled and looked direct at Madeline.

"You know... towns had stopped parading the animals down the streets.... But this town... they did it and I met this man... helping with the elephants... when the one elephant found me attractive..." Nikita started out and Madeline nodded her head up and down as she watched the happy expression on Nikita's face only become larger with each word. Nikita smiled and looked around before looking back at Madeline. "His name as Jacko... funny name for a man.. But he was wonderful... and he let me come to the circus with him..."

"Did you stay with him, Nikita?" Madeline questioned as she pushed the bangs off of Nikita's head. Nikita then proceeded to turn to her side, again, hiding her face from Madeline. Madeline frowned as the thought came back that weren't good. Madeline rubbed at Nikita's back, hoping that she could somehow will Nikita back to a good place, but realized that there weren't many good places for Nikita.

"No... Well.. Yes, for a few days... I had no drugs and this man... let me tend for the elephants... He even offered me a job... telling me that I was fit for the circus... because I had gypsy blood in me..." Nikita said with the sadness rolling now in her body. Nikita shook her head as she blinked back the pain even more. "But Bull found me... took me back to... back to his place...I didn't fight him..."

"It wasn't the time for you to fight, Nikita..." Madeline softly said and Nikita nodded her head up and down in agreement. Nikita turned towards Madeline, flipping to her other side. The tears were in her eyes as she looked at Madeline.

"By then, abuse was what the relationship was. It didn't matter as long as I got the drugs... but my story can't be that... I have to be abused after I left... I can't fall into the trap that I knew Bull well before I spent time with Bull." Nikita said clearly as if she was trying to figure out the various stories she had in her mind. Madeline was beginning to wonder if Nikita even knew what the truth was and what wasn't.

"You knew Bull before you ran?" Madeline questioned and Nikita nodded her head up and down and leaned into Madeline's stomach. There was a surge in Madeline's body unlike any other as she wrapped her hands instinctively around Nikita's head as she sobbed. Madeline blinked her eyes and looked at Nikita as she rubbed her hair, never having been in this situation before. It came as a shock as her eyes started to flood with tears of her own, a gesture that Madeline had never done before for another human being.

"He wasn't the first.. Just one of the many... I had the same life on the street as I had with my mom.. Except my mom didn't beat me too." Nikita said slowly and Madeline closed her eyes as the tears rolled with their own motion and Madeline ducked her head and kissed Nikita's head.

Nikita was the first to gather her feelings and the first to stop the tears. Nikita trembled as she saw Madeline's tears and she touched Madeline's shoulder.

"What is all this for?" Nikita questioned and Madeline looked to Nikita and pulled in one deep breath. She shook her head and rolled her shoulders back.

"Would you believe if I said you?" Madeline said and Nikita started to pull away. Madeline held her and nodded her head. "It is the truth."

There was silence then between Madeline and Nikita as Nikita stared at Madeline from her position leaning on Madeline's legs. Madeline wanted to stroke away Nikita's pain and to sooth her some; knowing that Michael alone could not do that.

"Ok... Onto other things... Did I ever tell you that I rode an elephant's back?" Nikita questioned and Madeline nodded her head as she listened to Nikita. It was a simple defense mechanism that Madeline should have called Nikita on, but that wasn't what Madeline wanted. She wanted to know Nikita and wanted Nikita to find a peacefully evening with Madeline.

"You did, with that Jacko guy?" Madeline questioned and Nikita nodded her head as she stood up. She pulled her hands over her head and giggled.

"He had me standing like this.... And the elephant... wrapped his trunk around me and picked me up!" Nikita said as she bounced up and down lightly. Madeline laughed as Nikita tilted her head to the side. "And everything looks so different when you are in the air with the elephant horizontally... but I wasn't afraid that I would fall..."

"I'm glad you weren't. How did you get on the back?" Madeline questioned as she stood up, signally that that little talk was over.

"Jacko told him too.. And suddenly I was on the back... near the head.. And I could rub his ears as they flapped back to my legs!" Nikita laughed as she started to walk away. Madeline followed and then grabbed Nikita's hand.

"You've told me a lot about you.... Maybe I can tell you more about me." Madeline offered and Nikita nodded her head up and down with excitement that was not unlike a child. Madeline smiled as Nikita grabbed hold of her own hand out of her own wants and started to swing the connection back and forth like a little child does.

"Ok, what's your favorite color?" Nikita said and Madeline laughed at the question.

"Blue. My favorite color is blue..." Madeline said and Nikita smiled as her eyes twinkled. Nikita dropped her head and laughed slightly. "I thought it would be black or brown."

"I heard that, Nikita!" Madeline said in that schoolteacher voice that Madeline knew but noticed that Nikita didn't. Madeline looked up towards the sky, as it seemed to be getting dark fast. Her stomach growled and Nikita looked down at it. "It knows I have Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby in the freezer... You'll like it!"

"I think I might...." Nikita softly said and Madeline nodded her head. "Madeline, tell me about the Buddhist temple you were at... they don't talk do they?"

*

Madeline turned her head a few mornings later as Nikita pulled her headphones on her ears and adjusted the music and shook her head. There was that spot, still bruises and now seeming to get bigger. Madeline sighed and rolled her head from side to side.

Whatever hopes she had had for a peaceful time with Nikita on that night so long ago, dwindled by the next morning. Three days shouldn't have made such a difference, but Nikita was not responding and she was distant. Madeline worried as Nikita stayed in her room for long hours at a time. She was worried that she had pushed Nikita too far and she began to worry about what was going on at the meetings with Dr. Bowles.

Yet, that bump brought Madeline out of the coma-like state she was in, just watching Nikita do what she wanted and not arguing because she wanted Nikita to have some peace. Madeline stood up and touched Nikita's shoulder.

"You still have that big knot... We may need to have it looked at." Madeline said as she pulled the headphones off of Nikita's ears. Nikita looked down her back and shrugged her shoulders.

"It's just stubborn. I wouldn't worry about it." Nikita said as she pulled the headphones back up and jogged out the door. Madeline closed her eyes and placed her face into her hands as the door slammed back at Madeline.

She cursed herself for becoming this woman, who seemed to care. She didn't want to care about that bump, she didn't want to care about what Dr. Bowles was saying to Nikita, and she didn't want to care about Nikita. That wasn't what she had started off to do and now she was. Madeline shook her head as she pulled out the phone and moved to the living room.

"Simon!" Madeline deeply said and the man rolled his eyes as another operative dropped a disk down at his desk. He looked at the computer and shook his head at Madeline.

"Look, when is Birkoff coming back?" Simon angrily questioned and Madeline looked at a calendar and suddenly realized that she had forgotten.

"Does it matter?" Madeline replied sharply back, as she didn't want to deal with any other problems. She had her own and those were all that mattered.

"I want to know where his time came from, Madeline? I want to know why he got to leave after playing Mr. City Slicker for a while in Vernsville and I got stuck with an extra two weeks of desk duty!" Simon argued out as his anger mounted. He hated when Section One did things like this, but it wasn't like he could start an union, like Walter had tried some ten years ago.

"Actually, Nikita gave her time to Birkoff so he can go." Madeline said as she moved to the couch and sat down. She looked to the wall and then the flowers on the mantel that Nikita had arranged. Madeline couldn't stop from smiling as she thought of the grand gesture that Nikita had done for Birkoff, in order to create one small dream of his into reality. Madeline didn't even think about it as that time, she just thought it as being nice, but now, it seemed like a form of punishment that Nikita was exacting onto herself. There had been many times if Nikita just frankly spoke up that she would have not been objected to pain of the sorts. If she had called for Michael when she was waiting in medical just once during that week, Madeline would have found a way to get Michael for her. That was all Madeline was waiting for.

"Are you calling for a reason, or do you need more recipes and advice how to cook for the teenaged brat?" Simon asked out firmly, not liking the silence that had followed Madeline's statement. He never liked quiet and he craved more noise than most could stand. It made him feel comfortable while it often caused others to be uncomfortable.

"Simon.... Those files?" Madeline questioned and Simon nodded his head as he looked to the computer and sighed as Operations looked down from above.

"They are coded... I haven't had the time to break the code. Are you changing its priority?" Simon said as Madeline ran her hand across the couch's floral print. She was now at a dilemma. She could change the priority, but then Operations would probably feel and see that Madeline is working this mission for other reasons. Yet, she would get the information that she had recently felt that she should read. If she didn't change the priority, it could mean that everything would work out fine. She might be panicking about something little and stupid.

"No.. But I don't want you waiting on it.. I need this done without Operations knowing about it." Madeline said and Simon started to laugh.

"Oh yeah.. He'd have a field day finding out that Nikita is having temper tantrums on you!" Simon laughed out and Madeline shook her head. She fell silent as her thoughts seemed to paralyze the rest of her body and functioning.

"Madeline?" Simon questioned and Madeline snapped her head up and blinked a few times. She couldn't believe she was falling out of her normal patterns so greatly.

"Sorry..." Madeline stated as she cleared her throat and then looked towards the kitchen. She had so many things on her mind and with the one look to the kitchen brought her back to Nikita's back. "I need Nikita's medical files forwarded to my computer here."

"I can do that." Simon said as he typed away at the computer and he shook his head. He didn't want to ask, but he felt like he had too. "Madeline, do you want to ask me something?"

"It's about Nikita..." Madeline instantly remarked and Simon rolled his eyes as he already knew this was going to be about Nikita. He waited as he pulled at his flavored water. "She has been pulling away... staying in her room.. Not talking..."

"Typical teenager." Simon quipped out quickly and Madeline frowned as she stood up and began to pace. She didn't want to think that Nikita had basically regressed in emotional age to a teenager. That was too simple of an answer.

"Couldn't she be missing Michael?" Madeline questioned and Simon whistled sarcastically. He leaned back in his chair and rocked lightly.

"Well finally the Madeline I love and adore is back. OF COURSE THIS IS ABOUT MICHAEL!" Simon roared out and Madeline moved to the front door as she held back her anger.

"Simon... I may not be there.. But I can still get the torture twins." Madeline threatened, but Simon didn't worry. He rolled his eyes and rolled his shoulders back.

"Well, if you do that, you have to bring Birkoff from his fun in the sun games and then explain to Nikita, who is on some sort of teenager-lost-from-true-lover-boy... who happens to be like Batman or something, why you destroyed Birkoff's dream!" Simon said quickly and Madeline slammed the door, not finding anything good to think about right now.

"Shut up Simon! You can't even read the god damn zip file because you aren't Birkoff... You can't do more than two tasks at a time and I should have replaced you years ago! But no... I kept you on.. And now you are handing me some bullcrap that all of my problems with Nikita are Michael based.. But they aren't! I wish it was that simple. If it was that simple, Michael would be getting his butt somehow to Liberty Circles, even if I had to order him to hitchhike!" Madeline screamed and Simon dropped his head.

"I will work on that, Madeline... But Operations.. He isn't letting up." Simon said and Madeline sighed and shook her head.

"Make it, and soon." Madeline said and folded the phone up, finding it difficult to think straight right now. Madeline took a few deep breaths and moved back to the computer and pulled up the medical file, searching for an answer that she feared wasn't going to be found in the medical file.

*

Nikita dropped off her plate and glass into the sink. She rolled her head to the side and looked as Madeline moved towards her. Nikita waited and started to pull out her headphones, preparing for an evening run.

"Nikita, why don't we go for a walk?" Madeline softly whispered and Nikita looked at Madeline with distaste in her eyes. Nikita pulled away from Madeline and shook her head back and forth.

"We don't have anything to walk about for.... It was a mistake the first time." Nikita said as she turned and moved back to the dinning room. Nikita pulled the dish up that had left over lasagna in it. She moved to the refrigerator and covered the disk with tin foil.

"It wasn't a mistake. I thought we bonded." Madeline said as she looked at Nikita. It was the first step Madeline had hoped to use in order to get a feeling of what was going on. Madeline just wanted Nikita to talk, even if it was only for a few minutes, she was sick of the silence between them and felt that it was starting to eat away at all hopes of this mission.

"Madeline, someone would have to be stark crazy to bond with you. I'm not in a straightjacket, so I didn't bond with you. Call it temporary insanity on my part, but I won't be giving you more to use against me." Nikita said as she slammed the door closed. Madeline blinked her eyes and tried to reach for Nikita, but she pulled away yet again.

"Nikita, I did not use any of that against you." Madeline said.

"But you will."

"Nik..."

"You always do.. You find something out and you store it away and you use it against every single one of us..."

"Nikita.. Will you..."

"No.. I'm not going to do anything... You want to know what I am doing... I'm going to see Dr. Bowles, like the good operative you want me to be." Nikita said and Madeline blinked her eyes and stepped back from Nikita. She leaned against the sink and stared at Nikita, feeling that the rage that Nikita was holding onto was still there, ready to continue with Madeline's next words.

It was what Madeline had wanted at the beginning of this mission. She believed that Nikita could be helped, but slowly, with each passing day, that view continued to shift. Madeline believed that Nikita needed to talk about what happened to her in the past, but then started to vary how she talked about it. Maybe Nikita only needed a friend, or maybe Nikita did need a therapist. Maybe, more than anything, she needed to talk about it with Michael, as he seemed to be the key to everything that was even associated with Nikita.

Yet, Madeline, like Nikita, was a stubborn woman, one not to admit that she was wrong from the beginning. It only complicated things because Madeline had taken this profile out of Operations' hands and she dictated to him how she was going to handle it. There was no information that this Dr. Bowles was a bad psychologist and on the contrary, everything indicated that he was one of the best. Madeline couldn't pull the profile that she was working without evidence indicating that she needed to do so. Operations would have her in a mental headlock for the next three years if she made a move as such. That was why Madeline kept at it.

"I thought you saw him earlier." Madeline stated and Nikita rolled her head back as her eyes rolled in the opposite direction. Nikita shoved her hands into the pockets of her running shorts and licked her lips slowly. All the motions indicated to Madeline that she was right.

"Yes, but I don't see the problem seeing him tonight... We might actually do something." Nikita said and Madeline blinked her eyes.

"Is this an appointment or is this personal, Nikita?"

"Does it matter, as long as I get the job done?"

"Yes..."

"Oh, Madeline come off of that high horse... We talk and talk and talk... and we haven't spoken once about my relationships since that first night!" Nikita screamed and Madeline started to move between Nikita and the door. Madeline felt the hand of doom sweeping down into the house, that there was definitely a reason for Nikita to stay there this night.

"I want you to stay." Madeline said and Nikita sighed and shrunk back from Madeline. She shook her head in frustration as her hands balled up in fists. She looked at Madeline with the rage boiling more than Madeline had ever seen it before.

"You opened this can of worms... and you sent me to him! I am going to get this over with!" Nikita screamed loudly and Madeline swallowed and nodded her head. She had to admit that she did start this and that she wasn't going to deny the facts.

"You are remembering things... You said there was no problem." Madeline stated coldly. Nikita shook her head in disbelief. It was difficult to be fighting on totally opposite sides now in only a mere few days. Madeline stood in front of Nikita as the woman that had wanted her to go and now looked like she was ready to physically stop her from going.

"Well... maybe there is! And I want it to stop... before I go back to your den of evil.... Because you won't help me... You'll either send me to someone else or kill me!" Nikita hissed and Madeline grabbed Nikita's arm and turned Nikita around to face her. Madeline felt the energy pumping in Nikita's arms the entire time and she swallowed.

"What he is doing is more than unprofessional and inappropriate Nikita... I can find someone better." Madeline said softly and Nikita pulled her arm away from Madeline put moved her larger body closer to Madeline. Madeline lifted her head and looked into Nikita's eyes, seeing instantly that Nikita was not going to listen to Madeline's reasoning.

In reality, nothing was making sense to either woman. The two shields of defenses were up and both held a sword of their words. They were battling to get what they wanted, but they didn't want to stop and see what had caused this entire situation to occur. Nikita just wanted to leave and Madeline just wanted to stop Nikita and both women didn't think about everything. There was no rational thought as they stared at each other.

"I'm going." Nikita said as she pushed her hands into Madeline. Madeline leveled her head and grabbed Nikita's arm. It brought Nikita back to reflexes as she turned and pivoted, loudly shoving Madeline against the stove. Madeline felt the warmth and allowed Nikita's arm to drop from her grip.

"Don't wait up for me, MOTHER! I never wanted a mother to start with!" Nikita hissed as she opened the back door and escaped from the house like she wanted too.

Madeline could have run to the front door, stopped Nikita by tackling her, but that wasn't a good way to handle the situation. If Madeline would do that, more than likely it would make it more violent than any other action she could take. Nikita wasn't going to stop. Madeline walked to the window and watched as Nikita dashed down the street.

Now was the time for Madeline to straighten the fact and look at them again. She agonized over losing all of her emotional responses to what she was thinking about. It was something that Madeline had taken for granted that it just occurred, but now, when she needed it to occur for very urgent reasons, the numbness of emotions wouldn't occur. Madeline had sat down on the couch and couldn't stop her tears, for whatever reason. All she could think about was how hurt Nikita was and how she contributed to that hurt. Guilt was never a good emotion to have when trying to plan something, and that feeling overran Madeline's system.

The reasoning didn't occur in those first five minutes, but slowly an understanding of what was occurring with Madeline herself was occurring. Still, those thoughts and feelings didn't get translated until she moved to the computer in the bedroom and looked at the reports from Nikita's mission with Rick Azure.

Nikita had had some problems, even issues with Mrs. Papappas. At first, Madeline shrugged it off as being that Nikita's personality just clashed with the woman. That was the thought that Madeline was carrying with her until she sat down this time and looked at the reports. Nikita always revealed a lot in her reports, feeling the need to explain everything to escape possible cancellation. It was from this form that Madeline usually gathered a lot of information from Nikita.

Madeline read those reports for at least the twentieth time and then realized why there was that conflict between Mrs. Papappas and Nikita. Madeline even pulled out her original profile and shook her head, as she realized that Mrs. Papappas had acted just like a mother, but to Nikita, the only thing a mother could be is someone who wasn't looking out for her good. A mother to Nikita was someone who was going to disappoint her and hurt her.

The computer closed as Madeline shook her head as she realized that she had fallen into the same image in Nikita's mind, no matter how hard Madeline had tried not too. To Nikita, Madeline was acting as a mother, and Nikita's mother could only hurt her more. Running now, to the doctor was just another way to recreate the experience of running away from home.

Madeline rubbed her hair nervously as she looked at her hands, wondering how Nikita was. She fought back the urge of driving around the town to find Nikita. Madeline wanted to grab hold of Nikita and just make everything fine and healthy. She wanted to rock Nikita like she had never had in her life and she wanted to sooth Nikita like she never had in her life.

As Madeline stood up, deciding that she needed to find something to do, in order to pull her mind off of Nikita, she remembered that she had yet to open up Nikita's medical file. She scanned it quickly; not worrying about the old details of old bullet wounds or stab wounds. Madeline moved to the most current entry and shook her head.

"Its only a muscle lump..." Madeline started to chant to herself inside of her head as the papers mentioned nothing that might cause what Madeline had viewed. Madeline leaned her head back and sighed, thinking of the things that could cause that lump. It could be a Section placed tracker, but Madeline was to be notified of any of those being placed and they weren't placed in the back like that. It could be another groups' tracker, but that wasn't likely, as Nikita had no exposure to anyone away from Section One. It could be cyst. It could be some sort of calcium deposit. It could be some genetic defect. It could be cancer.

Madeline closed the computer and shook her head, finding that it was impossible for her to find a way to rid her mind of Nikita. Nikita was stuck there, as if placed in there with super glue. Nikita was now a part of Madeline and Madeline still tried to deny it, but deep inside, her heart knew that she couldn't deny Nikita long, as it would only serve to hurt Nikita more.

*

Nikita slowly walked up the stairs to Dr. Bowles house. She knocked at the door as she pulled off the headphones. Again, it was raining and she did not want to go through the normal routine of running into him on the road. It was time that if this was going to continue that it continued on a level that seemed a bit more normal. Nikita had found it difficult even thinking about what happened to her on the street and in those relationships as she walked down the side of a busy road with Dr. Bowles.

"Nikita! Oh, boy, it's raining again." Dr. Bowles said as he answered the door. Nikita nodded her head and pushed her one hand in her pocket as the other one held onto the headphones and tape player. He opened the screen door and allowed Nikita to walk in. "I'm glad you stopped by."

"I thought it was time that we actually got down to business." Nikita said as Dr. Bowles walked Nikita into the living room. Nikita looked around and carefully sat down, although the living room was filled with expensive antiques and knickknacks that were probably more expensive than what she got from Section One every two weeks.

"It shows progress, Nikita." Dr. Bowles said as he sat down. Nikita carefully adjusted her body and sat on her hands, afraid of what she may do to this room, being somewhat a natural klutz. Nikita looked around and then at Dr. Bowles. "You look upset."

"I argued with my mother. She didn't want me to come. She felt that your ways were unprofessional." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles nodded his head as he stood up. He saw the discomfort on Nikita's face as he reached out towards her.

"I got a room upstairs you might like... if you like sitting on the floor." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita smiled and nodded her head, glad to find an escape from the room that she was sitting in. Dr. Bowles didn't say anything for or against what Nikita repeated of what Madeline said. He simply ignored it and continued on his way. He was able to use that because of the anger that Nikita was holding firm too as she moved behind the doctor.

Nikita looked at the room as it looked soft and warm. It was a brightly painted yellow and pink, with large pillows grazing the corners and in the middle. There were pink curtains hanging over the window that allowed what little light there was outside as the storm continued, to brighten the room even more. Nikita looked and sat down on the floor, over by a corner.

"Is this better?" Dr. Bowles questioned as he sat down still some distance from Nikita. He happily nodded his head as Nikita nodded her head yes. Nikita looked around and grabbed one of the pillows from behind her and hugged it tightly.

"So I guess we have to talk..." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles nodded his head as he leaned back and sighed. He saw that this was not easy for Nikita and he knew that if he started with one of the memories that were too difficult, he would lose Nikita too quickly. That wasn't what he wanted.

"Tell me about any of the men, Nikita.. Not the first one... and not the last one... Pick one that is most like the typical man you dealt with..." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita looked at the pillow as her fingers spread across it and pushed it to her stomach and chest. She slowly closed her eyes and then leaned her head back.

"There was one... made me call him Oz... because he could make any dream come true... if you had the money." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles nodded his head as Nikita turned to look at the window. She closed those heavy blue eyes, trying to stop the tears again.

"He wasn't the worst, was he?" Dr. Bowles questioned and Nikita quickly shook her head back and forth. He moved slightly foreword and rolled his shoulders. "So I know a name.... What was one of the worst things to happen to you?"

"You mean like injury?" Nikita questioned as she raised her head. Dr. Bowles shook his head back and forth and rubbed his hands together. Nikita turned her head to the side, slightly due to the confusion in her mind from his action.

"Anything... injury, actions, event, or person. Whatever you deem to be one of the worst things that happened to you." Dr. Bowles explained and Nikita dropped her eyes and swallowed back the sob that instantly came to her mind. She knew that answer as she questioned the initial question the first time but was trying to find something not as painful. Dr. Bowles looked at Nikita, as she seemed to have decided on a memory that wasn't as terrible, but as she looked at his eyes, she changed her mind once again.

"I was sold." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles dropped his head, as it was a statement that he hadn't run into during therapy. He had heard of it, but he never heard it or saw a survivor. It was rare for a woman to get out of that cycle and to the emotionally survive.

"Sold?" Dr. Bowles questioned and Nikita nodded her head as she pulled the pillow to her face. She was crying into it as the memory flickered in her eyes. He watched the eyes behind the tightly pressed lids flutter back and forth in actions that only proved to show that the memory was violent and he watched as Nikita's own body reacted with the memories.

"Oz...even though he wasn't one of the worst... He did sell me to a man... Oz owed him something... I think drugs or something... and offered the man whatever he wanted... The man replied that he wanted me... So, I was no longer Oz's." Nikita explained in a broken speech that only slightly echoed the pain she was feeling.

Dr. Bowles covered his mouth slightly and swallowed. He wanted to run with the man that Nikita was sold too, but already knew that it was too emotional to approach. He needed to back away from those memories, make it easier to go to those memories later. He looked to the door and sighed.

"What did Oz do to you?" Dr. Bowles said and Nikita snorted through her nose, as the question was stupid in her mind. She shook her head and then pushed it back to her back.

"What didn't he do?" Nikita questioned and she looked to the wall and closed her eyes tightly. "He hit me, helped me score drugs, made me do runs, displayed me, fondled me, and of course we had sex."

"So he raped you." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita pulled her eyes open with a snap.

"He didn't rape me. He may have forced it a few times, but never rape. I learned that it was just easier to give... than to have it taken." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles moved to Nikita and grabbed her hands away from the pillow. Nikita struggled against him and turned her head to the side.

"He raped you. You only did the act because you feared for your life." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita allowed the tears to run down her face. She began to shake her head back and forth.

"Sometimes I wanted it..."

"They programmed you to act that way."

"NO! Really... Sometimes I pushed him to the bed..."

"Nikita, they made you that way."

"NO! NO! I deserved it sometimes... I turned them on and therefore I should release them!"

"Do you really believe that?"

"YES!"

"Do you really believe that?"

"YES, DR. BOWLES!"

"Do you believe that any man that gets turned on by you has the right to have sex with you?"

"NO!... But that isn't what I am saying..." Nikita protested as she tried to pull away from Dr. Bowles. He released her hands and watched as Nikita pulled the pillow to her face.

"They raped Nikita. You never wanted it. Don't believe lies. It gets you no where." Dr. Bowles said as he reached out for Nikita and she turned away from him. He nodded his head. Had this been any other patient, he would have stopped, but there was something about Nikita.

Nikita didn't notice it at that point the change in his eyes. She didn't notice the coldness in the room as she was feeling the heat of the tears on her face. There was nothing else but the memories that shook her entire body.

"Did Oz do something to you that you remember clearly?" Dr. Bowles questioned and Nikita nodded her head up and down and motioned with her hand. She grabbed the length of her hair and lifted her eyes up.

"He would pull my hair tightly... cause my head to bleed...." Nikita said and Dr. Bowles nodded his head up and down. He looked at her and softly sighed.

"That isn't all he did?"

"No."

"What else did he do?"

"No... No..."

"He did something else, didn't he?"

"Please... No.. Please..."

"No begging here, Nikita... Just tell me, Nikita." Dr. Bowles said as he leaned forward and tried to touch Nikita. She pulled away and Dr. Bowles jumped up and around to the back of Nikita.

"TELL ME!" Dr. Bowles yelled as he suddenly grabbed Nikita's hair in his own hands. He started to tug and Nikita started to sob deeply.

"Please... no..." Nikita softly cried and Dr. Bowles pulled Nikita's hair back even harder.

"He would... he would... lick.." Nikita softly said and Dr. Bowles let go light of Nikita's hair.

"Lick what?' Dr. Bowles whispered down by her ear. Nikita swallowed and opened her eyes up and saw deeply into Dr. Bowles eyes.

"The blood..." Nikita softly said and Dr. Bowles let Nikita's hair go and then he rubbed her hair softly. Nikita reached out for him and Dr. Bowles gently rubbed her back as he sat down next to her. Nikita sobbed deeply and he waited, finally finding that Nikita was letting a bit go.

*

Nikita looked into the mirror and sat down on the closed toilet seat. She couldn't stop the tears now as she couldn't stop the memories. She was barely remembering that she couldn't speak of the abuse she had from her mother, as it didn't fit the Section One abuse she had lived with.

She was scared too, of Dr. Bowles. Yes, she finally faced something in her life that Nikita had avoided since she left her mother and ended up in Section One. It was the little details that always made Nikita's stomach churn even more than anything else was. It didn't matter how many men slapped her or beat her, as it was just as slap or and punch. What Oz did was something that Oz did, and the memory only served to make him real.

Nikita tried to stand up and look in the mirror again, knowing that soon she would have to be leaving to go back home. She shook her head as she slipped from her feet and began to cry softly in little whimpers like a small cat

"Nikita?" Dr. Bowles called out and Nikita only found the strength to cover her face with her hands. She couldn't open the door and she couldn't call out to him. She waited in tears as he slowly opened the door and entered to stand by her.

That was when all the fears even seemed to intensify. She never felt comfortable in a bathroom with anyone except Michael. Nikita didn't even have the time to notice how often she used that clarified, without Michael. Dr. Bowles made every muscle in Nikita's body tense as he stood near her supposively ready to help her.

"Nikita?" Dr. Bowles asked as he touched Nikita and she immediately jumped away from her touch. Nikita closed her eyes, cursing herself for losing a hold on everything. Just less than a week ago, Nikita had no problem and now she was revolted by any touch to her body. Madeline had made Nikita this way with paranoid thoughts and with suggestion.

"You need to calm down... You can't leave like this... You'll never make it home..." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita trembled and Dr. Bowles looked around as Nikita tried to stand up again but found that her legs were unsteady and unsure. Nikita swallowed and dropped her head into her chest. She seemed so much like a little child as she did this, but it did not surprise Dr. Bowles. It was a time that was safe in her life so of course she would retreat to that behavior that was comforting and reinforced during her years of development.

Never had Nikita felt so hopeless. This was the lowest that Nikita ever felt in her life. There had been times that were close, when she was stuck in the cages with Michael, after the Adrian fiasco, and then looking out the window of the boat when Michael came for her. She felt lost in a world that had spit her out because she wasn't good enough. She knew that she was drowning in her thoughts but nothing could stop the runaway train as it chugged down the hill. Nikita struggled to find an emergency brake but like so many events in her life, it didn't come with an emergency brake. Nikita barely knew where she was, let alone why she was here to start with.

"Is there something that you want? Your mother?" Dr. Bowles questioned and Nikita only continued to sob. He was beginning to worry as he looked at Nikita, noting that her condition seemed not to be improving.

"Michael..." Nikita gasped out and Dr. Bowles nodded his head and then gently was able to push Nikita's long blonde hair out of her face. He smiled at the texture and took his time as he stroked back, finding the activity a joy to do.

"You will see him in time.... Let's think about now... You need to calm down." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita shook her head back and forth, finding no ability to do so. Dr. Bowles squatted down and looked at Nikita. He took his hands to her face and forced her to look at him.

"How about some hypnosis? We can just do it this once." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita turned her head in protest. Her mouth flapped a few times, trying to form the words as her mind told her that it was dangerous to submit to the hypnosis, as once under she may lose the ability to keep the mission separated from her real life.

"No... no.. It won't work..." Nikita said in a weak voice. She closed her eyes, as she couldn't get the image of Oz out of her head and then James, the man that Nikita had been sold too. She opened her eyes, knowing that the real world was out there somewhere, but when she opened her eyes she only saw the two men from her past.

"We don't have much of a choice, Nikita.... Start thinking about Michael.... We'll use him as your focus point." Dr. Bowles said as he pushed his hand over Nikita's eyes. He evilly smiled, as he was sure that Nikita couldn't see him. It was this time and this point in all the times he had a lovely woman crying in that he enjoyed the most. He had the power and she was helpless, even if she didn't see it that way. She didn't know what was going to come and she was giving him more and more power until she had nothing left and would depend on him.

"I want you to describe him to me...." Dr. Bowles said and he felt Nikita's eyelashes tickling his palm lightly, as she seemed to be even scared of the dark a little bit.

"Gray-green eyes.... They are my eyes... they show what he feels for me... He lies..." Nikita said and then tried to pull away as she heard the words she had said. She tired to tell herself that she needed to be controlled with her words that she could end up dead if he found out anything else that wasn't consistent with what he believed.

"Is he tall?" Dr. Bowles asked and he felt Nikita's head move up and down and he allowed the response to go. He pulled his hand away from Nikita's face and allowed her to keep her eyes shut herself. Dr. Bowles stood up and looked around the bathroom, finding it not an idea sight to do anything he was going to need to do.

"I want you to look at Michael... And you are on an escalator... going down to the bottom floor...." Dr. Bowles said and Nikita slowly nodded her head up and down as she showed signs of going into the trance already.

"Ok... as you go down... Michael is holding you... wrapping his arms around you more and more.... You feel safe... and you can tell him anything..." Dr. Bowles said as he paused. The eyes were moving and he waited, as Nikita was silent.

"Are we going shopping?" Nikita questioned and Dr. Bowles lightly smiled at the joke that Nikita had managed to say even with her current state of suggestiveness.

"No... Nikita... I want you to wake up and keep that calm feeling..." Dr. Bowles said as he pulled the whistle out.

"Five... four... three... two..." Dr. Bowles said slowly and then finally blew the whistle quickly and loudly. Nikita jerked and looked around the room, tears still on her eyes.

"I can't stop seeing Oz..." Nikita whispered out and Dr. Bowles only slightly nodded his head as he started to move away from Nikita.

"Then it must mean something..." Dr. Bowles said but the words only set off another round of tears rolling out of Nikita's eyes like the Mississippi River. He shook his head and stepped out of the bathroom, deciding that Nikita was much more of a difficult case.

Dr. Bowles narrowed his eyes and moved to his private bedroom. He rummaged through some of his files and looked at the pictures. He turned his head as Nikita started to shout. She was definitely in more pain than her mother realized and that something had to be done now to stop it.

Dr. Ralph Bowles always had believed he had all the answers, that he knew all about the human beings and that he could tell everyone more about themselves better than the real person could. He had inflated his ego a long time ago and his work had only happened to increase the pressure inside of his head. But there was a complication, as to inflate ego almost meant that less and less time for real introspection occurred. Yet, Dr. Bowles had none of that, as he did what he believed was right.

He pulled at the object from his drawer that he was familiar with and headed back to the bathroom where Nikita continued to scream in agony. He pushed open the door with one hand as Nikita stood pointing at the mirror. He rolled his eyes and moved into the bathroom.