"Do you want to talk about it?" Operations questioned and Nikita turned her head to one side and then the other. She moaned lightly and dropped her head straight down, not looking at either man.

"You two are kind of the problem." Nikita spoke and Walter rubbed at Nikita's shoulders.

"I don't care if I'm the problem. Tell me what to do, I'll do it." Walter said and Nikita looked at Walter with a raised eyebrow.

"Because you love me?"

"Yes, because I love you." Walter confirmed and Nikita turned to look at Operations. He swallowed and stroked some sand off of Nikita's face. It was ironic how the years had changed the man. Before all he could have imagined was life without Nikita, but now he couldn't think of life without Nikita. Before she wasn't worth everything to get back, and now she was. Before she was nothing and now she was definitely something more than what had been expected.

"And you?" Nikita finally asked, straining her voice in response to Operations' eyes that seemed to be mapping out every millimeter of her face out.

"Tell me what I can do to make you feel better..." Operations stated without blinking his eyes, unknowingly repeating what Walter had basically said.

"Because you love me?"

"Yes, because I love you." Operations stated and Nikita sat up quickly.

"Will you all stop saying that line? It's driving me crazy... It's not the truth!" Nikita spat out and Operations looked concernedly to Walter. Nikita grabbed Operations' hand and pulled it.

"Don't look at him for the answers or what to do. Look at me! You are concerned about me... well this I love you therapy from you two sounds and feels damn odd!" Nikita finally admitted soundly. She looked to Walter as he slowly allowed a smile out. He had felt the same thing.

"We are only doing it because it is what we feel and sometimes we just haven't said it." Operations defended. He hadn't said it for all this time because he was sure that Nikita would accept it. Now, that he started saying it, Operations didn't want to stop saying it. There was no turning back for him.

"You really mean it? I mean Paul... our relationship hasn't been really good..."

"Have you forgotten Birkoff's wedding? I meant every word Nikita, and now that I'm not the head of Section... I'm not longer inclined to lying in matters like this."

"What?"

"I said it once... and I can't stop.... Nikita you are special and somehow you attached yourself to my heart... Maybe from the strength that you showed when you fought for the best life for you daughter... or maybe it was when you showed that you weren't going to change that big heart inside of you by cracking gum in my face.... I know that at times I knew you were a pain in the butt... but you are a pain in the butt that I now love...If you can't listen to it... Then I'll just have to tell everyone else, how much I care for you and that I love you as a daughter." Operations soliloquized with vivacious words that indicated that every word was truth.

Nikita blinked her eyes and then moved her eyes to look out at the ocean that stretched out in front of her. She looked slowly to Walter and was worried about the emotional words. Walter was rubbing her gently and Nikita chewed on her lip slightly, almost in tears again from the beautiful words.

"I'm not confused on that part... I can accept that you both love me..." Nikita slowly stuttered out, trying to explain what was occurring in her mind. She looked to Walter and grabbed his hand and then grabbed Operations' hand.

"But it was easy when Mia thought you were her grandfather, Paul... Because then I could force myself to not think about this.... But which one is most like my father... Sometimes I think Walter is my good father... and Paul... you are that strict father..."

"Sounds good to me." Walter chipped in and Paul merely nodded his head. Nikita snorted a laugh as she looked at both men.

"I don't understand... and I don't want to have to chose..." Nikita drifted out and Operations grabbed hold of Nikita's chin and smiled.

"That's good... You don't have too." Paul announced and Nikita blinked her eyes.

"You're stuck with us both!" Walter boomed out and Nikita laughed out as she looked at both men. Both had influenced her life more than she even really knew. She rubbed their hands together and sighed.

"Thank you..." Nikita whispered out, but it was thanks that weren't needed. The trio sat out there, holding hands as such until the sun slipped underneath the horizon and Michael smiled from inside.

She was going to make it.

*

"We are going home today..." Nikita softly whispered to Michael as she pulled at the gauzy shirt that hung around her shoulders. She looked out towards the ocean that seemed to have gathered her attention for hours now. Michael moved to her, as they sat on huge rocks, not far from the house that was Operations'. He lightly placed his head down on Nikita's shoulders and smiled. There was such peace on this island and if he could, he would bring his family all down here and live there forever.

"I know... we've been here almost seven weeks, Nikita... I think it is time," Michael responded carefully. If Nikita said no now, Michael would pull out the cell phone and cancel his plans. He would do it in less than a heartbeat. Yet, Michael knew that Nikita wanted to go home, each day more of her time was spent talking about Mia and Aubrey and how much she missed them. There were more phone calls to her children and she just wondered about them constantly.

It was time to go.

"It doesn't feel like seven weeks, Michael... I still..." Nikita said and then drifted off as she pulled her feet up and pulled at her toes. She stared down at the sand that still stuck to her feet and Michael shifted his head off of her shoulder. He blinked his eyes and swallowed, knowing about how much they hadn't talked about in the weeks that passed.

"What do you feel, Nikita? I can't read your mind," Michael whispered out as he reached for her cheek. He smiled at the hair that grazed against his fingers, her hair almost white from the sun exposure.

"I don't feel like I did before I pulled the knife Michael... and I don't feel that bad... I just feel odd..." Nikita commented casually and Michael nodded his head. He lightly leaned in to kiss Nikita's cheek. He felt the muscles raised at his touch and he smiled again as he pulled away.

"Will you kiss me for real now?" Nikita questioned as she moved her head to line up her eyes with Michael's eyes. They shimmered a vivid pyroxene, having the desire to do as such.

"I've waited seven weeks for you to ask me that, Nikita.... Do you know how much this means to me?" Michael prompted Nikita as his forehead touched hers. He saw the smile still there, knowing that Nikita was inviting this. Such a small little step when put in the grand scheme of things. The only passionate touch between the two of them in the past seven weeks was going to be this one kiss on the day that they left. But from where Nikita was at when all of this began, it was a miracle.

Nikita oscillated her mouth to touch Michael's tender lips, finding them already parted. She found all of the warmth that Michael had for her during this entire ordeal and all the warmth that would continue to be there. She found comfort and love.

Love.

Nikita pulled away with tears in her eyes and Michael was worried. He reached his shaking hand to the tears; afraid to find the reason why they were there. He didn't want his gesture of his undying love for Nikita to be construed as something that she didn't want yet. Nikita shook her head and grabbed his hand.

"I love you, Michael... This isn't about that..." Nikita echoed back, one of the first times that Michael heard those words back his own self during the seven weeks. Those words alone made Michael positive that her tears were for other reasons, at the tears were a separate issue.

And Michael waited. Knowing that to push Nikita would be futile.

She even moved off of the rock. She strolled around in the sand, kicking her feet deeply into the sand, and taking in deep breaths. She was trying to gather strength; Michael knew that much as he watched her. Slowly he wanted to move towards her, but she didn't need that movement. She turned towards him and opened her mouth silently at first.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" Nikita softly questioned and Michael froze as the soft words rippled through the air and hit his soul. He waited and swallowed deeply.

"About what?" Michael questioned and Nikita turned around and instantly sunk to the sand, her hands pushing at the sand and pushing her body closer to the sand than what Michael thought she would want to do in her nice outfit. Michael realized now that the emotions had turned and now was about what was on Nikita's mind.

"Are we ever going to talk about... the.. the. ba-ba-... the ba..." Nikita started to slowly say, finding it hard to get to that word that made her heart pull out at the roots. She pulled herself up and pulled the gauzy shirtsleeves to her mouth and swallowed. "The ba-by."

"Oh Nikita..." Michael immediately responded as the tears flowed out of his eyes. He moved fluidly to her place in the sand and enfolded his arms around his wife. The eyes were all closed, allowing the tears out as the mouths tried to say words but couldn't find the ability to do so.

"You told Madeline.... I think we have to talk about it." Nikita hiccuped. Michael turned his head and looked at Nikita's face. He had to wonder if this was correct, if talking about this was going to cause good or was it going to cause bad. No more pain was needed and therefore, he was confused what to do and what should be don.

"Only if you feel it is time, Nikita... Only if you feel it is time..." Michael echoed out as he ran his hands down to pull at Nikita's hands. She looked at Michael and then leaned her head back and moaned up at the sky. Her head leaned against Michael's shoulder and she blinked her eyes.

"I was ready years ago... I always wanted to talk about it... but it was your ba.. ba.. ba-by that I lost..." Nikita slowly murmured out and Michael's face went white. He sat there for seconds, just holding Nikita, hearing the way that she stuttered over the word baby, knowing that it hurt her from way deep inside to say that word.

"It was our baby Nikita... Not mine.. Our baby," Michael corrected firmly. That was the last thing he wanted Nikita to do. Michael wondered if that was what Nikita was thinking about for years. Did Nikita think that she had lost his baby and therefore fail him? That thought was so far off of the truth and Michael rubbed Nikita and swallowed.

"I wanted to talk about it... but I saw the pain... and I know that I claimed that we shouldn't talk about it... that I forced both of us to promise not to talk about it...." Nikita explained as she placed a hand in front of her trembling chin, trying to hid her pain and her grief. Michael wrapped his hand around that thin hand and pulled it down. The trembling chin was exposed to Michael to view and he stared at it, knowing that his was in a similar condition.

"I promised that because I felt it was going to spare your pain, Nikita... I loved you so much that I didn't care what I felt... I just cared about what you felt..." Michael quickly explained and Nikita dropped her head away from Michael. He saw the streams of tears that had rolled down her neck and he kissed at them, wanting to lessen the pain, but even in the years that had passed, the pain was still there, it was still fresh and it stung harshly to even think about that day and that event.

"You know that I tried, Michael... I tried... But I failed...." Nikita moaned out and Michael shook his head as he enveloped Nikita into his arms, pulling her closer to his body. The strength was inside of him and he ached that it rushed through his skin to Nikita's.

"You didn't fail, Nikita..."

"Yes... I went on that mission and didn't protect your ba-baby... our ba-baby.... And I felt the pain... and I wanted to hide it... I thought it would go away...." Nikita sobbed out and Michael swallowed. All of this was things he needed to hear years ago. All of this was things that he needed to nix in the butt years ago, instead it festered in Nikita's mind, making problems so much bigger to her overthrown mind and heart. She had been waging a war that Michael hadn't been allowed in.

"Nikita... you couldn't have known.... It wasn't your fault.. it was no one's fault..." Michael whispered out and Nikita looked at Michael and bit her lip. Michael watched as the red droplet formed on the dry lip and she looked away.

"I remember being in the bathroom... feeling my ba-ba-ba... feeling it... leave... and then wondering why I could lose our.. your.. my.. our.. ba-ba... the.. it... when we wanted it so badly...." Nikita droned out in painful words. Michael acquiesced with a slightly nod of his head downward, rubbing at her neck. He wanted to do anything to make Nikita feel better, to give her what she needed, but he also dreaded the words yet to come.

"I had to wonder... why I was allowed to live when I wasn't wanted... and I couldn't be our.. our.. baby..." Nikita cried out.

"OUR BABY!" Nikita screamed as she suddenly moved and screamed up to the sky. Michael swiped at his tears as he grabbed Nikita and clutched her tightly to his own racing and pounding chest. He rubbed at her head over and over again, trying to bewitch her head, to make a good gracing come over her.

"I know that I am here for my other children... I know that now..." Nikita slowly whimpered into Michael's shoulder. He barely leaned back to view Nikita's face, that now was sitting high on her chest, proudly held despite the tears that continued to run down her face.

"You do?" Michael questioned and Nikita nodded her head and sunk to the sand, now pulling away from Michael. She regarded him from afar, the words churning in her mind.

"But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt anymore.... I miss that baby that would have been loved by us..." Nikita explicated with a voice filled with the teardrops that were in her eyes. She rubbed compulsively her hand across her ear, trying to push a contumacious piece of hair behind it.

"It would have, Nikita... It would have..." Michael easily admitted. He was trying to reach her again, but she kept the distance firm. She looked at Michael and sighed.

"Ever August 10th, I stay up into the night... thinking about the birthday party that should have been... and the birthday gifts that we should have bought... And the holidays... I try not to think about it.. but at the end... towards night... it grabs me and holds me tight.. makes me remember..." Nikita slowly ventilated from her soul. It was a deep secret that she intending on taking to the grave.

"Do you feel that we should have tried again?" Michael questioned carefully out. It was a selfish question, said only for his own good, but Michael needed an answer. Nikita looked and turned to view the sea.

"Counts on what I am thinking about... Sometimes it's sick to admit.. but sometimes it was good that we didn't have a third child.. because of Mia... but other times...."

"What other times?" Michael prodded as Nikita's voice was silent too long. He scooted along the surface of the sand, pushing at the sand with his legs to view Nikita and her face. She lifted it to the ocean and sighed again. She inhaled the sea air, trying to gather the strength and the competency to say what she was feeling with fluent words that Michael might possibly understand.

"Michael... do you remember when I use to question you about how often you thought about me and the kids... and you use to respond with 'à tout moment'... but I knew you didn't think about us all the time... that is what I want to answer now... almost all the time... I feel that I pushed that need to see that baby..." Nikita whispered out.

"That is not the same as trying for another baby, Nikita... That is just wanting the one you lost... You can't replace that," Michael explicated and Nikita nodded her head.

"It would have been better.. if I would have been able to hold it.. just for a minute. It needed to live for just a minute, but it didn't even have that!" Nikita screamed and Michael swallowed. He looked at her and Nikita blinked her eyes again. Slowly her eyes focused on Michael.

"Yes, Michael. Sometimes... most of the times, when the pain, the void, hurt so bad, I wish we would have tried again," Nikita confessed as her cerulean blue eyes glistened at Michael. He touched her chin lightly and sighed.

"You are still young... We could..."

"No, Michael... We can't..."

"Nikita, we could if you wanted too," Michael firmly stated and Nikita wrapped her arms around her chest and sighed. She looked out to the world beyond the ocean. It would have been her wildest dream and Nikita leaned her head back.

"I wish I could, Michael..." Nikita whispered and Michael leaned in and placed his head down on her shoulder.

"I know that steps were made before the chemotherapy, Nikita... Because you were young..." Michael slowly pointed out and Nikita leaned her head and looked at Michael.

"It's not worth the risk, Michael... The change of hormones... could bring the cancer back so quickly..." Nikita explained as her eyes misted up. She was just touched that Michael was willing to say this now.

"But it might not," Michael stated and Nikita turned and took Michael's hand. She lightly tugged the hand to her mouth and kissed it.

"Michael... if it is what you want... I would do it right now... if it would make you feel better... I'd do anything for you," Nikita flatly stated and Michael shook his head from side to side, trying to protest out and Nikita pressed her fingers to his lips.

"I know it hurt you Michael... that was why I was surprised that you didn't want to try again... I'm sure if I just watch for the cancer... I can get through the pregnancy..." Nikita slowly started to plot, shock still on her face.

"No, Nikita... I'm not willing to risk your life for this.... We all need you..." Michael responded and Nikita dropped her head. She wept so silently, but Michael knew she was. He knew in his heart, if it wasn't for the cancer, she would have been trying now. Michael closed his eyes and swallowed.

"We have a wonderful family, Nikita... And I want you to be around for it all." Michael explained as he smiled and pushed his lips together. Nikita licked her lips and then pressed them to his cheek.

They sat there for some time, holding each other, crying with each other and then crying for one another. They were pushing what was in the past behind them, possible the bad stuff for once staying back there, and looking forward for the future.

There would be tough times ahead still for Nikita, but now, that void that she had felt for all of those lonesome years was being filled up, slowly. It was being filled with the love that Michael had for her and the love that she had for her family.

Family.

It was finally starting to make sense to Nikita's mixed up mind. She now could accepted the men known as Operations and Walter as being the male role models in her life, that they would be there for her. Maybe she would never be able to call either one dad or father, but they were there to support her as Michael did support her.

The child that was lost, may have brought Michael and Nikita closer together now, years after the fact. The pain was now shared and not individually personal. Their children would probably never know, but they knew, and that was all that mattered.

A future was seen. A real future with real people in it. No longer did Nikita feel like she was in a black and white movie with no control of what was happening around her. Now she had part of the script. Now all she had to do was add color and sound.

She was so close, but had so far yet to go.

*

A slight detour was made.

Of several hundred miles.

Michael knew as soon as the plane seemed to be traveling more east than it should have been. Michael looked to Walter and Operations. The two men only shrugged their shoulders. It was a gesture that told Michael that he should believe in Madeline, but knowing that she was up to something.

Nikita wanted to go home.

Now there was a detour.

Before the plane started to descend, the pilot admitted that they had traveled more into the mountains than the region Section One was and most importantly, further away from where home was. There was no hesitation in Michael calling Madeline, wondering what her meddling was for, but there was no line that she would answer on.

Michael was worried.

He turned as Walter was helping Nikita to sit up in the small plane, that it was time for her to buckle up. She glanced over at Michael as he tried to pace back and forth, with his head ducked to the side so he didn't hit the ceiling with it. He turned and saw Nikita and moved towards her.

"I don't want you to worry, but there had been a slight detour..." Michael whispered and Nikita nodded her head. She was so accepting that Michael wanted to scream and shake her. He rubbed her hand as he sat down and pulled on his own seatbelt.

"It's ok, Michael... I wouldn't worry." Nikita commented and Michael sighed and looked at the sky that was passing them in the trees. He didn't know why they were heading where they were, it was beyond him. It had to deal with Madeline; it had too, but that thought did not lessen Michael's worries.

The plane landed without problems and taxied to the little hanger that a couple cars were sitting there. There were mountains all around them and Michael stepped out of the airplane and turned to help Nikita. Still there was no reason for the change of plans.

"MOM!" Mia shouted as she stepped out of the car. Nikita blinked her eyes and stopped. Her body suddenly became heavy against Michael's body, unable to move with the shock of seeing her daughter. Soon her son appeared from the same car that Mia had.

Michael nudged Nikita to move; knowing that Mia was still moving slowly and needed Nikita to cut the distance in half. Michael saw Madeline stepping out as Aubrey wrapped his arms around his mother. Nikita smiled and reached for Mia, not wanting her to be left out of the loop.

"I thought bringing all of you up here... away from the home, would be good... Mia has been able to leave the wheelchair as long as there aren't steps..." Madeline started to explain as she saw Michael's face. She looked over at Mia holding Nikita now.

"The family has to find each other... and Mia just broke up with Lee..." Madeline softly stated and Michael turned. He rubbed his hands together, worried about this Lee, he had been Mia's boyfriend since she returned to school in the wheelchair and she had many feelings for her. Michael was about to worry about his daughter as he turned and looked to Madeline.

"I can't use my time to think about Mia and her boyfriend. This is about making Nikita better and if you plan on other things occurring here, they aren't." Michael countered and Madeline nodded her head and looked as Mia kissed her mother with such rapture. Madeline smiled at the sight and Michael noticed it also.

"I'm not asking you to stop being concerned about Nikita... but she has to start functioning as a mother again..." Madeline protested out. Slowly the ground seemed to be shifting on her, Michael was immediately agreeing with what she had said.

"Madeline... this might be too much.. How long do you think we should be up here together?" Michael questioned. He stood there as Madeline moved away, avoiding the answer. The sight of Nikita with her children was a beautiful one, one that Michael didn't want to disturb.

It was right.

Things were finally looking good. Nikita had opened up about the pain that had been eating her and Michael alive. Her children were worshipping the ground that she was on right now and Michael couldn't be happier. Yet, Michael paced back to pull at Madeline's arm, keeping her from the festivities, Nikita explaining about the simple souvenirs that she had made.

"How long do you think we are going to stay here?" Michael questioned and Madeline shrugged her shoulders. Nikita's laughter was carrying over to the other passengers that were in the airplane. Walter laughed heartily at Aubrey's exploration of what he had been doing so far this summer.

"It's about four weeks until school starts... I think that it is appropriate," Madeline informed Michael. She turned, leaving the stunned Michael standing there. She reached out for Nikita and tried to hug her. Yet, as Madeline had expected, now Nikita was starting to reject her. Nikita turned her back on Madeline and furiously grabbed her daughter again.

"Am I going to have to go supply shopping in this wilderness?" Michael almost bitterly spoke to Madeline, not paying attention to Madeline's own pain. Madeline had tried to get ready for this reaction from Nikita, but now that it happened, it hurt her. Hurt on a personal leave was something that Madeline never seemed to respond to unless it was from Operations, yet, this hurt was new to her.

"I stocked the cabin up with everything that you should need. There is a little country store that you can get milk at and anything else you might need. He even delivers pizza.... I don't want Nikita to overdo it." Madeline stated and Michael his head. He couldn't find the statement more ironic. Madeline didn't want Nikita to overdo it, but yet, Nikita was going to be up in the woods with her teenaged daughter who is excited about being a senior in high school and her son, who was just starting into the teen years and puberty. Ironic was an understatement.

"Where is this mystery cabin?" Michael questioned and Madeline handed over the keys and a map. She looked around the airport as Nikita started to move to the one car that Mia and Aubrey pointed too. Madeline saw the smile on Nikita's face; it had been far removed from Nikita for years. Madeline almost forgot exactly what that smile looked like.

"You two talked about the baby..." Madeline stated and Michael took the map and folded it into his pocket. Slowly the hand crept up to his waist as he looked at Madeline. She stepped back, knowing that it was something that Michael didn't exactly want to discuss now.

"Madeline... If we did, it is none of your business," Michael rudely commented as his eyes glared at the frigid face that Madeline was maintaining. Michael looked to Nikita and almost sighed if he had not been in the presence of Madeline.

"It's in her eyes, Michael... I was only stating... I wasn't going to ask what you two talked about... You both will find that you will have more time up here than what you thought you would," Madeline stated as she motioned for Walter and Operations to move with her. Michael watched them all file into the car and pull out. There was still the plane and Michael could pack his family into the airplane and beat Madeline's car back to Section One. He defaulted on that idea and turned to the car that was left.

"Can I drive dad?" Mia questioned and Michael looked at her and opened up the driver's side door.

"No. You don't know where you are going." Michael stated and sat down. He reached for Nikita's hand as she sat down in the front seat. Her eyes were imploring him to take back that statement, because it was rushed and harsh.

"I'll take you out in a few days, Mia... Your mother is tired and she has to take her medicine," Michael stated as he turned the car on and pulled the map out for Nikita. Nikita looked at it and handed it back to Mia. She leaned her head down on Michael's shoulder and promptly fell asleep, before Michael even moved the car.

~~

Mia dropped the keys happily on the dinning room table and looked around the little cabin. Aubrey was sitting in the cozy little living room with his computer game. He had barely raised his eyes when Mia happily arrived back in the cabin after the third successful day of driving, finally finding her father allowing her onto a small highway, after proving that after her accident that she still had some skills. Mia had willingly pulled off the highway when she saw the divider and then the first big truck passed them. Michael rounded the car and hugged his daughter.

Now, Mia was expecting dinner to be done when they arrived back, but nothing was started and Mia turned to look into the bedrooms.

"Nikita... what are you doing out here?" Michael's voice drifted in from the back of the cabin. There was some silence until Michael opened the backdoor to the cabin and moved to the window in the kitchen. He closed it and sighed. He pulled out his wallet and then the charge card. Giving one more glance to the card before he handed it to Mia, he sighed.

"Call Mr. Petro for a pizza..." Michael said and Mia smiled.

"Can we get the Mountain Pizza, Dad?" Mia questioned and Michael turned around and looked at her. She licked her lips and pulled out the flyer that was handed to Michael when he had done the grocery shopping for the milk and eggs.

"Do I want to know what is on that?" Michael questioned and Mia smiled.

"Mmmm... Canadian bacon, sausage, ham..." Mia started to recite and Michael placed a hand on Mia's arm.

"I don't care." Michael firmly stated and Mia's happy face drifted away. She looked to the door as Michael turned and left to the outside again. She knew that this was about her mother and she dropped the flyer and went to order a normal pizza with mushrooms.

"Nikita... sit down..." Michael motioned towards the huge rocks that were behind the cabin. Nikita pushed at her hair and sat down as she continued to stare off in the distance.

"I was really bad..." Nikita softly whispered and Michael looked at Nikita carefully. It was blanket statement, Michael not able to determine the context that Nikita was speaking from. He rubbed her hand and swallowed.

"Nikita... You aren't bad..." Michael tediously stated, feeling as if they had jumped back a few weeks in her recovery. Madeline said that at times it would do this, but it was such a drastic movement and it pained Michael to see it.

"Aubrey asked me why," Nikita stated as if Michael knew exactly what she was speaking about. Michael didn't want to question Nikita, but there was no concept to what she was speaking about at that moment.

"What did he ask you about, Nikita? I'm not following," Michael cautiously approached Nikita's words. She turned her head and then placed her hand to her neck, as if holding an imaginary knife to her neck. Michael felt his pulse race.

"Nikita... tell me now about what is going on.... You have to, Nikita," Michael abruptly pushed at Nikita, fear racing in his system.

"He asked me why I had put a knife to my neck back then... and I looked at him and said it was because I didn't feel like I mattered.. that there was something missing in my life... I told him the truth.. and he couldn't take it..." Nikita sputtered out as she allowed the tears to run out of her eyes. It only proved Michael's point that this was too soon for this, that this was too difficult on Nikita and the children.

"Nikita... he is your child... Children usually don't understand what is going on with their parents. They only see what they want to see," Michael resolved, hoping that Nikita would take his words for truth. She stared at him and then turned her head. The almost white hair sparkled in the sunlight still and she dropped her head slowly.

"But he was so mad, Michael... He said that he has been forced into loving me... You aren't doing that to him, are you?" Nikita questioned and Michael felt his world stop.

They had long conversations about how Nikita needed to be loved now. Madeline probably drilled it into the children's minds and maybe Mia did understand why Nikita needed that love now, but Aubrey didn't. Michael was afraid to answer, he felt his world spinning, being pulled between his wife and his own son.

"Nikita... He is just becoming a teenager... You know all that torture we went through with Mia?" Michael slowly stated and Nikita nodded her head. Michael touched that chin that was again, quivering and then lightly kissed it. He looked into her eyes, making sure that the depths of his green eyes studied every shade of her changing blue eyes and swallowed.

"All that torture?" Nikita questioned finally and Michael snapped out a laugh immediately. Nikita's statement had thrown him off balance by the suddenness of the statement and then the tone that it was said in.

But one laugh wasn't enough, Michael started to howl and soon Nikita joined him. Michael held onto Nikita, glad to see her tears now gone and a crisis that could have been major if he hadn't controlled it at that point. Nikita placed her head down on Michael's shoulder and sighed.

"I can't wait to go home, Michael..." Nikita softly stated and Michael closed his eyes. He reached his hand up to touch Nikita's cheek without turning his head to watch the touch. He felt the tears and promised himself that he wouldn't turn around and look at Nikita. He ached to go home also.

Wouldn't stability be important for Nikita now?

Michael snapped his mind back from his own thoughts and questions. He wanted to place his complete trust in Madeline, but the two parents wanted to go home, what about the children? Michael turned his head and placed a soft kiss on Nikita's ear.

"Home is between us, Nikita..." Michael softly stated and he closed his eyes again. How he wished he believed that statement.

*

Nikita lay on the bed with her head underneath the pillow when Michael arrived back to the cabin after spending the morning with Aubrey fishing. Aubrey was outside slowly cutting the fish and preparing them for his father to cook. Michael stopped at the doorway and found Nikita as she kicked her feet back and forth lightly, showing pain.

Michael pealed off his shirt, seeing the evidence of his adventure of fishing with Aubrey. He dropped it to the floor and looked around at Nikita again. Usually she noticed immediately when someone came into her room, no matter where she was staying. Now, the concerns that Michael had prior to this point in time were mounting in strength.

"Nikita..." Michael mustered out as he leaned against the doorframe of the small master bedroom. The words didn't even bring Nikita's head up and Michael started to panic as he stepped forward. The movement was made to settle down on the bed, hoping that it would cause Nikita to turn and look at him, but that movement didn't occur either.

"Nikita..." Michael reiterated from that distance, not wanting to have to touch her. The small mental clock in his head started to tick, waiting for the time to pass by too fleetly for Michael's wishes. Finally, he touched the middle of Nikita's back.

The pillow covered in a bright flower pillowcase started to move, revealing Nikita's face with her hands at her temples. Michael waited, noting that the gesture providing information that she was encountering a headache that seemed to be getting more frequent with each passing day. The eyes opened and looked at Michael, showing the evidence of her tears again.

"You and Mia?" Michael questioned and Nikita nodded her head and flopped her face back down to the pillow. Michael blinked his eyes and looked the window that was above the bed. The curtains were the same pattern of the pillow that Nikita was trying to hide her face within. Michael sighed and turned his head off to the side, finding himself lost in a huge swamp of thoughts.

Michael noticed about three days ago that Mia was starting to act strange, wanting to stay around the house and not leaving. Nikita had noticed it also, so when Nikita mentioned it, Mia went and immediately fought with Nikita. The first fight with an emotional intensity to it, Mia screaming for a good ten minutes at her mother as Nikita just sat there blinking at her daughter. Nikita didn't fight back and that bothered Michael.

The next day, the tension continued between the two. Michael knew that often the tension between the two was because they both were so much alike. The daughter couldn't do much more to be more like Nikita. The genetics were cursing both women to fight with each other. Yet, Michael saw that Nikita's concern was very valid. Mia wasn't discussing what was going on and when Michael offered to let her drive, she turned that down.

"Nikita... do you think she is relapsing some?" Michael questioned as he moved closer and leant over his wife. He rubbed at Nikita's shoulders as she slowly nodded her head. Michael sighed and looked to the wall. Now did he not only have Nikita, who was staring to emotionally relapse, Mia was deteriorating for reasons he didn't know.

Michael had mentioned it to Madeline earlier in the day while on the phone with her from the fishing hole. Madeline dispatched that Michael was not to bring his family back, that everything needed to be dealt with up there. There was a feeling deep within of Michael that Madeline didn't thoroughly grasp the concept of what was occurring here. For two weeks, Michael waited for things to turn around, but there really wasn't a family here. Yes, Nikita and Aubrey did things with him every night, but Mia wasn't participating. It was beyond Michael how this was supposed to help Nikita.

"I think she is hurting Michael... but she won't talk to me about it," Nikita stated and Michael nodded his head. Understanding what Nikita was going through was half the battle, but the other half was figuring out Mia's motives in not telling her parents about what was going on. That was answered by just looking at Nikita. Nikita historically kept things away from her family to spare them pain and Mia was modeling her behavior after her mother.

"Did she say anything, Nikita?" Michael questioned and Nikita leaned her head back and swallowed lightly. Michael stroked at her bare neck and waited as Nikita slowly lowered the eyelids over her tired and red eyes.

"Oh... that she hated me."

"Unfortunately, Nikita, that's not new," Michael stated with a joking tone in his voice. For one second, Michael saw Nikita taking it the wrong way, but she turned and nodded her head with a strangled smile on her face. She did know that Mia screamed that whenever her parents perturbed her. It was the easiest way to cause her mother pain and Mia used that strategy to the utmost.

"It was so unreal Michael... we were actually talking about Lee..." Nikita revealed, knowing that Michael was going to be stunned by that event. Nikita raised her hand to his face as she reallocated the weight of her body onto the bed and then sighed. "It was going somewhere... and then..."

"And then?"

"She stood up to get something to drink... but she was faltering, Michael..." Nikita struggled to state. Michael nodded his head seeing the pain in Nikita's eyes. It had been difficult getting everyone to the point that everyone was at in the house. To see this must have been nipping at Nikita's heart.

"I grabbed her to steady her and she yelled at me... Saying that Lee had done the same thing and she didn't tolerate it then," Nikita divulged. Michael administered immediately a low whistle, instantly seeing that this little set back in Mia's health wasn't just happening, but that it had on onset earlier than anyone knew.

"And that is why you are in here?" Michael questioned and Nikita rubbed at her head as she shook it. The pain of the headache was still written across the heavy lines of her forehead. Michael reached out and kissed that forehead softly, wishing that his kiss alone would help that pain that she was feeling.

"She said she wanted to go home... and I want to go home... Why can't we go home, Michael?" Nikita started to attack Michael. It was a very valid questioned and Michael flinched. Immediately his shoulders raised in a shrug, knowing that he had no answers that Madeline's didn't fit. Michael dropped his head and then looked to the doorway.

"So everyone here wants to be at home?"

"Yes, Michael." Nikita animatedly stated and Michael reached out and kissed her lips tenderly. He smiled inwardly as Nikita parted her lips and accepted him. He pulled away and rubbed his hand down Nikita's cheek.

"I'll find out, Nikita... Because I want everyone at home too..."

~~

The steam from the cup of seeping tea waived in the air of the dimly lit office as the door slid opening from above, giving Michael the chance to view Madeline in an office that strangely didn't suit her. He stood at the stairs, waiting for her to look up, but instead found her fingers wrapping around the cup of tea and then dipping the finger into the liquid to test it's warmth. She had to have heard his entrance and so Michael moved to the stairs and moved down the metal stairs.

Madeline lifted her head and found Michael standing there as if he just materialized in front of him. Instead of pulling the tea bag out of the cup of tea as she was planning to do, she pulled her hands together and looked at Michael.

"Aren't you suppose to be up in the cabin with Nikita?" Madeline questioned and Michael crossed the distance from the stairs to her desk. She looked briefly to the side as Michael leaned down and pushed the tea away, staring at her face, waiting for her eyes to look at his.

"We all want to be home... Why would we stay?" Michael pushed Madeline, as he did not move his eyes or his body. He was frozen in that stop, intent on being as close to Madeline as was possible until she gave a response that he would accept.

"You need to bond as a family," Madeline simply stated as she turned to pull her cup of tea back. Madeline was stopped by Michael's hand covering the top of the teacup.

"That isn't happening."

"Oh? Could it be because you aren't trying?" Madeline snapped back as she arched an eyebrow in Michael's direction. It was the lack of movement from Michael's face that indicated that Michael did not buy Madeline's statement. He must have been trying to do as Madeline suggested.

"It's not working Madeline.... Aubrey the other day fought with Nikita..." Michael explained as he pulled his hand away from the cup of tea.

"Puberty."

"He stated very rudely to Nikita that he was being forced to love her. Do you know how difficult it would have been to explain that to Nikita?" Michael stated and Madeline's face started to loose it's tincture and she blinked the eyelids over her eyes. Madeline leaned back and dropped her head.

"You dealt with that?"

"Yes... but then Mia started to act strangely," Michael slowly explained. His entire body moved backwards now that Madeline was sitting and listening to him. He turned in a circle and looked at Madeline.

"How is she acting differently?"

"Me and Nikita noticed that she was slipping with her health.. We've both found her off balance, legs giving and she gets very defensive with us if we try to help her," Michael illustrated quickly the basic problem with Mia at the current time. Madeline folded her hands and placed them on the desk as she leaned forward.

"That isn't bothering Nikita... It isn't emotional.. When you come back you can have Mia checked out," Madeline quickly assessed. She watched as Michael shook his head from side to side in objection of her plan. Michael turned and leaned back over the desk as Madeline was leaning forward.

"They fight... the past three days and it gets worse... We need to be at home, Madeline." Michael ardently explained as his eyes implored Madeline to explain a reason why they should stay away. Madeline blinked her eyes and stood up.

"I didn't want fights to happen... bonding is needed," Madeline said as she moved to her little plant stand. She fingered at the light yellow flower and turned and looked at Michael. He was not moving from his position, only moving his eyes to follow her.

"Bonding can occur in other ways and in different places... But this is being detrimental to Nikita's progress... She is starting to shut me out again, Madeline." Michael grimly informed Madeline.

The silence was building in the room. Now it was back to Madeline knowing all of the facts that she wouldn't listen to over the phone. The fact that Michael was standing in her office said a lot about the situation. She was a proud woman and wasn't about to admit that she was wrong, but she was. Madeline pulled at her hair and then tugged it as she turned to look at Michael.

"Go get your family and bring them home.... Don't push the family thing...." Madeline stated and Michael nodded his head. She looked at him and then looked to the stairs and swallowed.

"You already brought them, didn't you?"

"Of course... It was tearing them all apart. We need our home," Michael stated out with an enigmatic smile crossing his face. He turned and walked closer to Madeline. He folded his hands against his waist and licked his lips.

"Now, Nikita has regressed, how do I help her?" Michael questioned and Madeline nodded her head. Her eyes were flickering from side to side. Michael wasn't even there to spread blame on her. He just wanted her to know that she was wrong and now that he needed help again. It was time to modify the plan.

Maybe it was too difficult to deal with Nikita's own children. Their rejections hurt more than anyone else's rejection could. Her children were often like Nikita when they fought, headstrong, so they said anything they could to hurt whomever that were talking to at during the fight. Unfortunately, Madeline couldn't change that about the children.

"Has Nikita seen Baby Josephine yet?" Madeline inquired. Michael shook his head back and forth. He had barely been able to see the baby that Madeline was questioning about. Madeline looked off to the side and then to the computer.

"Well.. Mary has a project due soon and although Birkoff managed to weasel time off from Operations, he is going to be needing some assistance... Maybe Nikita would like that," Madeline offered as a solution. Michael blinked his eyes and looked to the wall.

"Do you think that is a good idea, Madeline? Putting her in with a baby?" Michael inquired, skeptical that her idea had the possibility of working. Michael already saw it as something to cause Nikita a set back even more than the one that she was currently experiencing.

"Yes, she would be having contact with a baby, a baby named after her, but this is more about contact with Birkoff," Madeline informed Michael as she finally reached for her tea and sipped some of the warm liquid. She looked at Michael's eyes, as they understood what Madeline was trying to do.

"With a brother figure," Michael stated flatly.

"I wouldn't call it a brother figure... I would say that Birkoff is her brother..."

*

The face was so young as Nikita touched her finger to the bubbling face. It had been such a long time since Nikita held a little baby in her arms, and even in the first three days of helping Birkoff at his place, Nikita hadn't had the nerve to pick up baby Josephine. The joy that Nikita felt pushed away all of the feeling she had of dread. She did not even think of the baby that she lost.

"I knew that she would like you, Nikita.... I want her to grow up to be strong like you," Birkoff commented as he finally sat down next to Nikita on the couch. He had mysteriously handed Nikita the baby and moved to the other room. Had Nikita been working day in and day out with Section One, she would have thrown suspicion onto the movement, that it was an orchestrated plan since Nikita had reluctance to touch the baby, let alone hold her. She didn't have a choice when Birkoff handed her to Nikita and left.

"You don't want her to be too strong... It makes the fall so much more painful," Nikita stated as she saw the little baby drifting to sleep. She had already missed so much of little Josephine's life that Nikita knew she couldn't gain that back. She felt regret for it, but in the long rung, although Nikita wouldn't realize it, it would make her a better woman.

Yet, for Nikita, it was one day after another. No future plans were made, they were too hard to follow through with and were what Madeline called a set up for failure. Those were nixed and Nikita had the near and now. It was what she had claimed her life had been like before Section One, but now Nikita realized that she was very wrong in that assessment.

"Not with you there to hold onto her..." Birkoff firmly stated in his confidence of Nikita. Nikita turned her head and looked down to the sweet baby. So innocent. So peaceful.

And so loud when she started to scream.

"I think she really misses Mary, Birkoff," Nikita stated as she handed the baby back to Birkoff. The father naturally starting to rock her gently, in a pace that had been established months ago as soothing. The baby Josephine settled almost immediately, quieting in her father's hands. Nikita smiled and stood up.

"You are going to make the best father," Nikita stated as she looked at the birthday picture that was on the mantel. She was a small little girl then, but had quickly put on weight now. Nikita turned and smiled as Birkoff currently only had eyes for his daughter.

"I hope to be half the parent that you and Michael are... you guys are amazing..." Birkoff stated and Nikita only dutifully nodded her head as she moved back to the couch. She sat down and leaned over Birkoff's shoulder, looking at the little girl.

"She feels so safe in your arms, Birkoff," Nikita stated with a slight shrug of her shoulders. There was sadness in her voice, but it had gone unnoticed by Birkoff quickly. He was too enthralled with his daughter as she slowly closed her eyes. Already she was showing a stubborn nature, trying to fight the sleep off.

"I guess all children feel that way when in their parent's arms," Birkoff guessed as he shrugged his shoulders lightly, not to disturb the girl that was about to drift off to sleep. Nikita leaned back and watched as Birkoff smoothly rocked baby Josephine from side to side.

Nikita started to fidget with her hair, pulling and tugging at it, looking at the image. Nikita blinked back at her tears, knowing it was something that most likely she never had in her life. Not like what Birkoff was doing. If her mother did rock her, she did it hastily to shut Nikita up so she could go and turn the next trick. Slowly Nikita looked at Birkoff with the tears, not caring if he saw her tears or not.

"She has something that not everyone is lucky to have, Birkoff," Nikita delicately stated, trying to keep the broken-heart that was paining her now show through. Yet, the tone was heard and Birkoff turned to look at Nikita's eyes. The tears didn't go past Birkoff now and he ached to hold Nikita, but baby Josephine was in his arms.

"Nikita..." Birkoff carefully stated and Nikita raised a hand to shake away his pity. That was something that she never wanted from anyone, let alone Birkoff. Nikita looked to her hands and swallowed.

"Did I tell you about Mia?" Nikita whispered and Birkoff nodded his head as he stood up. He looked to his daughter and couldn't help smiling, even as his heart wanted to help Nikita in this moment. She avoided the conversation, what she never had in her life. He was sure that Nikita was correct in her assessment of what her mother never did for her. Birkoff couldn't imagine what that would do to a child, and here was the proof, but somehow, Birkoff knew that Nikita was special.

"She had the appointment with the specialist?" Birkoff questioned and Nikita nodded her head and looked around. She rubbed her hands together nervously, but Birkoff couldn't identify why she was nervous. Birkoff walked to the cradle, seeing that baby Josephine had happily fallen asleep. Now he could attend to Nikita.

"They want to do a minor surgery... there is some scar tissue or something... He things for a while she'll be back in the wheelchair, but promised Mia that she should be able to walk up for her diploma at graduation in May," Nikita stated, trying to force a smile out again. Birkoff nodded his head and then grabbed Nikita's hands. She turned her head from side, knowing that this wasn't about Mia, that Birkoff was going to hit sensitive information.

"You didn't get rocked when you were young, Nikita, did you?" Birkoff questioned as he studied Nikita's eyes. He waited as Nikita averted her eyes away from him. She didn't want to answer the question and she fidgeted.

"Nikita... I'm just concerned for you..." Birkoff stated softly and Nikita slowly melted that defensive shell he had seen the entire time that Nikita had been helping out with Mary. Nikita nodded her head and swallowed.

"I must not of... I don't think my mother did anything much for me... that I can remember... She didn't kiss or hug me..." Nikita said with a breaking voice. She abruptly stood up and moved to the cradle. One lone finger extended to touch little Josephine's cheek and Nikita closed her eyes.

"I guess that is why when my children were young I would hold them for hours, just while they slept. They didn't need me to hold them... but I wanted to... So that they knew that I loved them..." Nikita slowly explained in a whispering voice so she didn't wake up baby Josephine. Nikita pulled her hands to her face and then forced them back down, a gesture that told Birkoff that she was telling herself not to cry.

"That long, Nikita?" Birkoff susurrated to get more information from Nikita. She turned her head lightly and smiled meekly at Birkoff.

"You can ask Michael... He was worried by the practice... When I wouldn't give up the hold on Aubrey for a long time... He probably mentioned it to Madeline," Nikita quickly responded as she stepped back and moved to the couch and looked at Birkoff.

"But every minute I held my child... I didn't think about what I didn't get... But once I put them down... I felt this.. ache... Not from being away from them... but from something missing inside of me... That I never had a chance to have... or receive..." Nikita explained, as she now couldn't control the tears. Birkoff studied Nikita again, and tried to wipe the tears away. His hands weren't going to help the situation and he pulled away and opened his arms towards Nikita.

"Birkoff?" Nikita questioned and Birkoff nodded for Nikita lay into his arms. She started to protest, and Birkoff pulled for Nikita, wrapping his arms around Nikita.

"I know this can't replace what you didn't get then Nikita... But you are to special never to feel this... Even it if is sort of from a brother..." Birkoff whispered as he looked down at Nikita. She looked away from him, he felt the tears running down her cheeks and then splattering across his arm that held tightly onto him. Slowly he rocked from side to side, feeling Nikita's tears grow in intensity.

"Nikita... Just let it go... and replace it with this..." Birkoff slowly offered and Nikita stiffly looked up at Birkoff, her blue eyes grazing his face. He reached the hand that wasn't supporting Nikita and ran it across her forehead.

"Close your eyes, Nikita..."

"You don't have to do this, Birkoff..."

"Does it feel good, Nikita?"

"Yes.. It does," Nikita stated with each word breaking with emotion. Birkoff pushed out a smile and swallowed.

"Then let me do this for you, Nikita. You need this..."

"Birkoff... this isn't your job..."

"It is now... because I'm the only one here... Accept this, Nikita... You have too."

"Why?" Nikita whispered out and Birkoff rubbed his lips together in worry. He didn't know if he would be able to accept it if Nikita rejected this from him. It would hurt his soul too much.

"Because I love you Nikita," Birkoff stated and Nikita closed her eyes and allowed the tears to go at their own rate, no longer fighting them. Nikita rolled her head away from looking at Birkoff's face and sighed heavily.

"This feels good," Nikita delicately stated and Birkoff smiled and looked to the cradle. Nikita wasn't a baby, but sometimes she needed to be babied because of what she lost when her mother didn't give a crap about her. Birkoff was willing to take this job on; it made him feel almost whole too, in a way that Nikita had always made Birkoff feel like.

"I know... it feels so right, Nikita... I think for both of us," Birkoff affirmed, finding a peace in his words as he closed his eyes and sunk deeper into the couch. He was relieved when Nikita didn't fight him and continued to allow his rocking.

Nikita needed it.

Madeline looked away from the window, having entered with Michael. They were there to take Nikita to Mia, since the surgery had been pushed up, but stopped as they looked on. Michael pushed his lips together and then smiled.

"Interesting..." Madeline whispered into Michael's ears. He tilted his head to the side, seeing that the two were so odd looking, Nikita's legs awkwardly skewed in unpaired directions and one leg dangling off the side of the couch. Birkoff's body still dwarfed by the size of Nikita's. His free hand lightly stroking at Nikita's forehead, much like the gesture that Michael had seen Nikita use on Aubrey when he was an upset little baby.

"They don't need to know the truth Michael... They are brother and sister in their hearts from stumbling into each other..." Madeline whispered and Michael nodded his head and smiled.

When Madeline first started to explain the real blood relationship between Birkoff and Nikita, he was worried. Birkoff's mother wasn't Nikita's mother, because then Nikita would have known about another sibling. But Nikita's father, that she never knew, had been a good father to Birkoff. Now other events pushed the two together and they became what their blood was.

"Let's leave them for a while... Nikita needs this..." Michael softly stated as he turned and pushed at Madeline's shoulder. Madeline smiled at Michael's evaluation of the situation and willingly left, knowing that Birkoff's instinct for what Nikita needed was finally on the dot.

*

"Michael... can we talk?" Nikita softly whispered as she walked into the master bedroom. Michael looked at Nikita and saw the wear on her face. Again, she had gone back to attending to Mia a bit too much. Michael stretched his arms out towards Nikita, as he settled himself on the bed more. Nikita looked to the side of the bed and then heavily dropped into his arms.

"What is it Nikita?" Michael questioned and Nikita looked off to the side. It had been a long six weeks. Mia had been able to go back to school when it started back up, but she was depressed being forced into the wheelchair for the first four weeks of school. Now going into October, she had become unbearable to deal with, especially towards Nikita. Michael had tried to remind Mia about the delicate situation that was going on here, but Mia blew him off.

"I'm worried about Mia," Nikita softly stated and Michael nodded his head before he dropped his head down to kiss at her neck. He lightly ran his fingers down Nikita's arms; one finger after another, creating a path that should have made Nikita shiver with delight. There was no reaction and Michael was concerned.

"I'm worried about you, Nikita...You're falling into that pattern again..." Michael slowly reminded Nikita and she leaned her head back towards Michael's chest and he saw the tears. Now they always seemed to be close for the time that had passed, but rarely did they arrive on Nikita's cheeks anymore. Michael rubbed at Nikita's cheeks softly and swallowed.

"Nikita... what is it?" Michael softly questioned again, although his heart began to pound loudly again. Nikita looked up with her eyes and sighed.

"It doesn't feel right here...." Nikita stated and Michael shifted his head and looked down at Nikita. He didn't want to be hurting her, and he attempted to pull his arms away from Nikita.

"No... not us... I don't think I'm ever going to get Mia back here..." Nikita stated and Michael kissed tenderly at Nikita's ear as his eyes fluttered around the room. He had been thinking the same thing and hadn't been able to come up with any diagnosis to what was going on in this house.

"She is a different girl..." Michael reminded Nikita carefully. Nikita nodded her head and turned around to face Michael's face. Nikita's arms wrapped around chest as she dropped her head to those warm muscles. Michael waited as he felt the tears.

"She is doing things I used to do, Michael... She is so unhappy... and I have to blame myself..." Nikita quickly started to ramble, but it all made no sense to Michael. He grabbed Nikita's shoulders and forced her up from the comfort from his chest.

"How can you be blaming yourself for this, Nikita?" Michael questioned as his eyes gathered harshness never liking that tone from anyone. Yet, Nikita had nothing to do with Mia's current unhappiness. She was pining over a boy that she broke up with almost a year ago, and she was isolating herself from the rest of her friends. Michael had tried to get Mia to talk to someone, but she claimed that there was no problem.

"Because... my troubles are rubbing off on her... How can I help her get better when there is still something missing?" Nikita questioned with her tears turning almost stormier if possible. Michael looked at Nikita's eyes and saw the emptiness that Nikita spoke about. Michael tilted his head to the side and sighed.

Madeline stated that the problem occurring with Nikita's healing now was the fact that her family was pulling back together. Mia continued to be distant, and Aubrey was hot and cold. One day he would be there for Nikita, the next he wanted nothing to do with her. And there seemed to be no solution to the problem.

"What is still missing, Nikita? Is it me? Is it the baby? Is it..." Michael started questioned and Nikita shook her head. She firmly planted her hand on Michael's chest to make his words to stop.

"I don't know if I know what is missing Michael... I don't feel right... It just isn't right," Nikita endeavored a way to speak of the confusion that was going on deep within of her. Nikita turned her head to the side and wailed in Michael's arms. He closed his eyes and held her.

This was in fact progress; Nikita openingly admitting what she was feeling and what she felt was missing. She wasn't attempting to make everyone think that everything was fine. Yet, this concerned Michael deeply and he held onto Nikita, torn yet again.

It seemed as if the options were running out. In ways, Nikita's kids were killing her. There had been a bond between mother and daughter for so many years and when that fell apart as beyond Michael. It wasn't that Mia didn't love Nikita and that Nikita didn't love Mia. It was the opposite. They both loved each other almost too much.

"Nikita... We'll try something new, ok?" Michael questioned and he felt Nikita's head nod up and down. He looked to the side of the room and closed his own eyes, wondering what was left to try.

~~

"Missing? How can there be something missing, Michael?" Madeline questioned as she lifted her teacup to her mouth. Michael shook his head slightly from side to side before he sat down in front of Madeline's desk.

"If I knew that, do you think I would be consulting you? She isn't even ready to confront you," Michael stated, almost rudely, putting the anger that he was feeling at himself for not being able to discuss that he hated not being able to know what was missing.

"Michael... Is this the stress of the situation getting to Nikita? Mia hasn't been easy has she?" Madeline questioned and Michael folded his hands together onto his lap. He found his gaze staring at the hands, not wanting to look up at Madeline. It only indicated that Michael knew that this all went back to the continuing tension between mother and daughter.

"It will never go back to the tension that used to be between Nikita and Mia... but something isn't there, Madeline... They seem to be just slightly out of synch with each other," Michael gathered the strength to say, but not the strength to raise his eyes. He listened to the teacup settle on Madeline's desk and then slowly raised his eyes.

"I wish I could figure out how to get those two back to the two peas in the pod they used to be, Michael... It would do Nikita a world of good," Madeline stated and Michael sighed. That was all the answer that Madeline had for him. He pulled at the computer and turned around to look at Madeline. Now it was back to the task at hand, Section One.

"How did the mission in Miami go?" Madeline questioned and Michael looked to his data.

"Of course Oversight would be interested in that data... It went fine," Michael stated with narrowing eyes. This time of week was almost like playing a game with Madeline, trying to figure out where her loyalties lay. Madeline rolled her hands together and sighed.

"Did any operatives try to extend their stay?" Madeline questioned and Michael snorted. She had to know that the question was absurd.

"Don't they always when in Miami?" Michael questioned and Madeline bowed her head.

"Duly noted," Madeline stated with a smile. She folded her hands and looked at her small notes on her paper. "I heard about Colston..."

"Sad," Michael instantly remarked. It wasn't something that surprised Michael. Colston was going to be following in Michael's shadow, but had become involved with Cynthia and when Cynthia died in Nikita's arms, he had been changed forever. It didn't surprise Michael at all; he would have done the same thing when it was just Nikita and no children.

"Who is going to be the chosen one now?" Madeline questioned with a sarcastic ring to her voice. Michael looked to his notes and then to Madeline. He had made his choice almost five weeks ago, sensing that no matter what he did to Colston or how he tried to help the heartbroken man that his mind was made up.

"John." Michael stated and he waited for Madeline's response. He watched her face pale and Michael smirked. He had also expected this response; he had gotten it from Nikita.

"He is so young... what is he, 23?" Madeline questioned and Michael sighed as he turned off his computer. He looked at Madeline and blinked his eyes. Age never mattered in Section One. It mattered if the job could get done.

"He is 25... and he has been with use for a good 15 years now, Madeline... Remember, you recruited him?" Michael questioned and Madeline winced. She had recruited the young boy after he was most likely framed as being a serial killer. He had grown up inside of Section One from that time. Michael moved to stand up and Madeline reached out and touched Michael's arm.

"That now frees up Cynthia's apartment... Do we want to give it back to the civilian world?" Madeline questioned and Michael blinked. He sat back down and looked off to the side, deep in thought. He had been there once, to finally pick up the painting of Aubrey and Mia that Cynthia had finished as Nikita felt that the woman would have wanted it that way. Cynthia's cat Isabella had just assumed at home at Michael's household and that was fine. Michael lightly smiled as he thought about Isabella, she often curled up on his lap when he stayed up at night thinking about Nikita's recovery.

"Nikita's old apartment..." Michael stated off, matter-of-factly. Madeline nodded her head and blinked her eyes. Michael was too deep in thought to notice Madeline's intense gawk at his own facial features until he turned and looked directly at Madeline.

"Now that is an idea that might work..." Michael stated and Madeline raised an eyebrow. Sometimes Michael did forget that she didn't totally read minds. She reached out for his hand and he smiled at Madeline.

"Get the old tapes from the apartment from when Nikita was there... take it back to that former state... to the last detail," Michael ordered Madeline and she opened her mouth in protest, and then stopped. He was doing this for Nikita, and it was an interesting approach.

"Do you think it would work, Michael or is this going to create more pain?" Madeline abruptly questioned, wanting to know what Michael was exactly thinking about.

"She needs to go back to that time... Mia too... When her entire life was about protecting those that she loved.... And if Mia doesn't come over... it will be Nikita and I... and maybe we can cement our future... knowing that my love will be for her and children forever... like it was when we were in that apartment," Michael stated in firm words as he stood up.

Madeline nodded her head in agreement and started to make the plans for the transition to be made in the apartment. It wasn't going to be easy, but she was sure that it could be done, in a week, like Michael would demand.

Michael didn't demand that time period; he just left the office slowly. Each step took him several seconds to walk up, as if he was still thinking about what he was proposing. When he reached the top, Madeline had no objections and Michael quickly turned away.

It might just work.

*

The door looked at it did years ago. Nikita touched the surface with her hand and blinked her eyes. Her thoughts weren't on of her old memories there, they were on Cynthia. She missed that woman and that was what stopped Nikita as she stared at the door. She wondered if any of the hold neighbors were still in the building. She pulled the key out and sighed as she opened the door, Michael saying that he would be by a bit later as he was held up inside of Section.

What she opened the door too was not what she had expected to see. Nikita had expected to see the abundant paintings that were done by Cynthia scattered across the apartment, as they had been when Michael said he had gathered Nikita's painting. All of the touches that were Cynthia were gone, and suddenly she was back in her old apartment.

Nikita felt the tears burning down her cheeks as she turned and closed the door. There were even still little toys scattered across the room and Nikita dropped the key on the kitchen countertop. She ran her hand across the surface and sighed as she looked at the pair of sunglasses that were left out on the surface. Nikita pulled them up and touched them lightly, feeling like she was back in that place again, like the ten plus years never occurred.

The next stop was the CD player and she pushed play to hear the strains of children's music that pulled at her. It had been Mia's favorite CD to listen to Winnie the Pooh, someone that Nikita never quite warmed up too. She turned around and expected to see the little girl Mia running down from her little tiny room to her mother.

The tears were easily falling as Nikita sat down on the couch, remembering all of those times. Her apartment had never been able to be clean from the time that Mia arrived in her life. Never had she been given enough time off to clean up after the mess that she created with her girl. In order to spend more time with her daughter, Nikita often skipped on washing her clothing and just bought new clothes.

A lot of those times instantly remembered were before Michael. She remembered that out on the very couch that she sat on, Walter spent almost two weeks sleeping because Nikita had been run from one mission to another mission. She had barely been able to kiss her daughter, but she reminded herself to kiss her daughter every time that she entered that apartment. Often Walter had to do some minor repairs to her body that Nikita wouldn't allow others to see. And when that two-week period finally ended, Nikita held her daughter for about eight hours straight, both of them finding sleeping with each other grateful and relaxed.

Nikita slowly turned and looked to the bedroom. When Mia was able to walk around, she stopped sleeping in her own bed. Nikita moved up the three stairs and looked at the bed that was there. Nikita happily smiled, as there was a knock on the door. Nikita turned her head, knowing exactly what that knock meant and who was behind that door.

That particular sound was etched for eternity in her mind. It was so distinctive and even after all these years of not living in this apartment, Nikita knew it as she walked down the stairs, almost tripping over a toy school bus. Nikita smiled and kicked the toy off to the side, not even having the time to bend down to pick it up. Nikita walked to the door and opened it.

Michael smiled at Nikita, but she was brought back to another time that she had seen Michael at this door. The time that he first laid his eyes on Mia, the first time he saw his daughter, but didn't know that it was his daughter. Nikita saw that image again and saw the pain and heartache that it had brought Michael to see her little girl in her arms, but also the acute happiness that he had for Nikita. Nikita knew that he must have heard the laughter that she was having with her daughter before he arrived.