The knife tumbled out of Nikita's hand, dropping almost slowly to the ground with a clang that echoed in the night air. Her hands hit her face before the knife settled among some rocks and stones and Michael waited from where he stood.

"How can you love me now? After this? After I was going to do this?" Nikita interrogated Michael as her eyes blurred, making the image of her husband split into not two images of Michael, but hundreds of images of Michael. He did not move and his eyes did not waver off of Nikita.

"It doesn't matter how... only one thing matters..." Michael stated in a continuous supportive voice, lacking the aggression Nikita thought would happen and the judgement that she thought should be there. Michael looked at Nikita and waited.

"What? One thing matters?" Nikita hissed out, even as her body was moving violently in its sway. Michael barely moved his eyes to look at Madeline, but he waited and swallowed.

"I love you, Nikita." Michael resolutely resolved and Nikita shook her head from side to side. The words hurt for Nikita to hear, and although somewhere inside of Nikita knew that Michael did, most of her body, from the torture Nikita inflicted onto it herself, rejected the words.

"There has to be more! Look at me!" Nikita cried out and Michael stepped forward as Nikita's legs collapsed. He didn't make a move to grab Nikita, he knew that it would be too aggressive of a move, to ready to swoop down and take charge. Instead Michael's eyes looked at the knife and swallowed. It was still too close to Nikita.

"NO! STAY AWAY! I'm evil! I'm bad!" Nikita screeched as she placed her hands up and extended her fingers out broadly. She was shaking like the last leaf of a tree hanging onto the branch during a blizzard.

"You aren't bad." Michael quickly stated with an ease on his voice. Inside, he was shaking just as Nikita was he felt just as Nikita looked, but he couldn't appear that way to Nikita. She needed strength and he would show Nikita that. It was dependent on both of their existence.

"How can you say that! I LIED! I held a knife to my neck and then I was weak!" Nikita clamored as she started to move on the ground below. It was difficult to watch and Michael moved closer.

"GET AWAY!" Nikita shouted as she kicked her feet away from him. It was a move meant to threaten Michael, to get him to back away. All Michael did was stop his movement and push the knife as far away as he could. He bent down there and looked at Nikita's eyes.

"I'm not leaving you. You are not bad.... I love you, Nikita." Michael steadfastly confirmed as he looked at her face. It was ravished from her fit; it was swollen with tears and red with the heat of her screams. Her eyes were flaring and appeared to be raw from the tears. Michael tried not to focus on those features. He tried not to pay attention to what she appeared like, knowing that he could have lost his steady nerves if he did pay attention to that.

"No.... no one loves me... They pretend they do.... You don't really love me." Nikita stated out in a meek voice, slowly showing and indicating that she was closer to falling down now and allowing the help that is being offer to occur.

"I know you are confused now... and that you are really tired, Nikita... but that doesn't stop the fact that I love you," Michael echoed the words again, only changing the beginning. All of this mattered now, and Madeline stood back and nodded her head in stark approval of his technique and knowledge that this was probably the only way to handle Nikita now and in the future for sometime yet to come.

"How do you know that! How?" Nikita questioned with her voice cracking, more agony entering with each word that she murmured or yelled at Michael. Michael looked to his hands and looked to Nikita.

"Can I touch you, Nikita?" Michael asked of her as he looked at her quivering mass. Cautiously, Nikita nodded her head. Two sighs were heard as Michael placed a hand on Nikita's knee and slowly paused. Madeline moved forward and picked up the knife.

"Nikita, no matter what, I love you." Michael stated as he tilted his head to the side and Nikita's sobs started to fill with relief. On some level, she knew that she was about to be helped. On some level, her body knew Michael's touch and knew that all that he said was true.

"It hurts..." Nikita commented with her childlike voice. Michael nodded his head. He knew it hurt, he knew that from months again and it tormented him to watch Nikita fall like this.

"I know, Nikita... but I love you... and I'm here..." Michael repeated, knowing that the words might be used over and over, but that was what she truly needed in this moment that her mind was working on a level that not much got to it. Simple words and simple statements were needed. I love you was the most basic and the most needed.

"Does that help that hurt, Nikita?" Michael questioned and Madeline looked to the side. She closed her eyes. Madeline honestly felt that it was a mistake of Michael to do that.

"No... but... it's like I'm allowed to have it..." Nikita whispered as her hand started to move towards her knee. She stared at Michael's hand as it just sat there.

"You are allowed to feel anyway you want too, Nikita... But you have to know that I love you," Michael stated as he nodded his head. Nikita's hand finally touched his and she looked at him and rolled her head to the side.

"Michael..."

"Yes?"

"Michael..." Nikita murmured again. She needed to say the named. Madeline blinked her eyes. Nikita was testing Michael in a way.

"I'm here, Nikita."

"Michael..." Nikita said again, almost finding a peace in the name. He responded when she called for him. He validated her calls. He was there. He was there.

"Nikita... I'm not leaving you..."

"Michael... please..."

"Please what, Nikita?" Michael prodded. His heart was about to stop again. The calling of his name over and over again caused his mouth to dry up and Michael was tired of this now.

"Hold me." Nikita cried out and Michael moved instantly to wrap his arms around his wife. On the ground they were, holding each other, Nikita barely holding on, but she was.

"Michael... Michael..." Nikita chanted out as she started to move her body in the rocking chair motion. Michael looked up at Madeline as she looked to her black back of sorts. She blinked her eyes and nodded to Michael.

"Nikita... you need to sleep.." Michael slowly suggested as he looked at her body. Mess didn't even describe what had occurred to her body.

"Sleep.... Sleep... Sleep..." Nikita started to chant and Michael swallowed. Although there was not knife and that Nikita was allowing his touch, this Nikita wasn't any better than the one that he thought would kill herself.

"Michael..." Madeline's voice echoed out and Michael swallowed. He looked to the needle that Madeline had ready and swallowed as he stroked at Nikita's neck.

"No.... No.. No needle..." Nikita started to cry and Michael closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to her neck.

"I love you Nikita... You need to sleep... It's just going to help you..." Michael slowly drawled out. He was carefully gauging Nikita for her response and watching Madeline as she had halted where she was standing.

"I want to sleep... I'm so tired..." Nikita panted out and Michael nodded his head. The consent was given and Madeline moved over and administered the medicine. Michael stroked Nikita's hair, content on sitting there and waiting as Madeline stepped away.

Ten minutes passed in relative quiet, Madeline waiting to help move Nikita upstairs after the medicine took effect. Nikita was exhausted and the medicine that would have taken fifteen minutes knocked her body out quickly and Michael picked her up.

"I gave her Ativan.... It will continue to be a long course of the medicine... and we need to establish a one to one observation..." Madeline said as she informed Michael as she opened the door to the kitchen. Michael blinked his eyes and looked at Madeline.

"I'm not the psychiatrist, Madeline." Michael tensely stated and Madeline turned slightly red. She rubbed at Nikita's head and swallowed. She saw that it was going to take many days for Nikita to even be able to think possibly straight. The mission had worn down all of what was left of her precious reserves. She was physically exhausted to begin with.

"Someone will have to be within arms length of Nikita for an extended period of time." Madeline firmly stated and Michael looked to Nikita and swallowed as he turned for the stairs.

"I'm not leaving her anytime soon." Michael stated and Madeline pressed a hand to Michael's arm.

"They will need to be awake..." Madeline firmly informed Michael and Michael nodded his head. He looked off to the wall as he continued to walk.

Nothing more could be said now. Time was needed.

*

Michael slowly stroked Nikita's hair as she was nestled into the bed. He looked at the sheet and pulled it closer towards Nikita's chin. Slowly he dropped his hand to her shoulder and closed his eyes briefly.

The emotional pain was weighting him to the chair. He sat there, unable to move. His fingers were stuck to Nikita as his mind flickered images that didn't belong to this time or period. Images of when Nikita was happy, when Nikita was alive.

There was such joy on her young face when Aubrey joined the world. The tears of having her family there for his entrance, most importantly, having the father right there, holding her hand. Those memories gave way to those first few months after Aubrey was born. Mia was never a jealous sister. She loved her brother and cherished him. He remembered holding Nikita in his arms as she happily breast fed Aubrey, moving her eyes from Aubrey to Michael, feeling loved.

Those times were the best times. When Aubrey was young.

Michael slowly raised his hand off of Nikita's shoulder and lifted it to his face. He could still smell the baby powder that took Michael months to get use too. One night, when Aubrey was about seven months old, Nikita walked into the very bedroom Michael was watching over Nikita on this night with the bottle in her hand. Michael didn't know what he said, but suddenly a puff of powder exploded out of the bottle and Nikita attacked him. There was so much laughter as Michael fought back for the bottle, both rolling around in the white powder.

Michael closed his eyes again after looking at Nikita's face, restless in her tortured sleep. It tugged at his heart and brought the thoughts that he had long pushed aside, of the other time that he had seen Nikita like this, her face disturbed in the sleep like this. Michael shook his head from side to side as he started to place it all together. That event caused the beginning of this.

Michael sat back from Nikita, feeling the searing pain in his heart, pain he hadn't thought about since the aftermath. He looked at Nikita and saw how the years at aged her, how the pain that she was hiding because she felt it was right to do that. Madeline leaned forward and studied Michael and swallowed. Her pulse began to race as she touched Michael's shoulder.

"There is something you haven't told me." Madeline accused, but not with a harsh voice. Michael looked to Madeline and then to Nikita. He closed his eyes, wishing not to see the memories, but only making them brighter to his mind. If it hurt him this badly now, he wondered what this was doing to Nikita, if this was just another brick that fell away in her foundation.

"Yes..." Michael slowly whispered as he touched Nikita's shoulder again and trembled. He almost felt like he was betraying Nikita by telling Madeline, but as Michael knew, the lies were hurting. This was just another one of those lies that the both of them decided to tell together, to keep hidden.

"You didn't have an affair, did you, Michael?" Madeline quickly questioned; looking at Michael's frozen horror on his face. Madeline closed her eyes briefly, hoping to god that her guess was wrong. Michael shook his head from side to side and swallowed. It was suppose to give them joy, not grief.

"It happened about two years after Aubrey was born..." Michael slowly said as he remembered the happy smile that was on Nikita's face on that day. It was so broad, like all the smiles he had seen before that time, and since then, no smile quite like it, not quite as happy.

"Michael.... If this deals with Nikita and her current state... You must tell me..." Madeline slowly stated out as she moved closer to Michael. He looked to Madeline momentarily and then back to Nikita. He rubbed at her shoulder, asking her for forgiveness for telling this secret.

"She was out on a mission... I don't remember which one... It doesn't matter... and we had known..." Michael slowly drawled out, only causing Madeline's pulse to beat harder and her head to throb. She had ideas of what Michael was speaking about, none of the ideas making all of this feel better or helping the outcome of where Nikita was now.

"It was a hard mission... she was hurt some... but she came home..." Michael said as he closed his eyes. He could remember what the bathroom looked like when he walked in, hearing Nikita's screams and moans. She couldn't do anything for herself and thankfully the children were elsewhere.

"What happened, Michael?" Madeline prodded; narrowing her eyes as the tears started to roll out of Michael's eyes. He saw the image, he saw the blood and he saw Nikita's hands pushing at herself vainly.

It was a secret.

It should stay a secret.

They mourned privately. They grieved privately. It was never spoke about again, not even when the nightmares woke Nikita up. Michael knew she lied to him when she said she dreamt of her own death. She was only covering the topic that neither wanted to speak about, and until this time, Michael nor Nikita, spoke about.

"I found her in the bathroom... losing our baby..." Michael gasped out as his head rolled forward. Madeline reached for him instantly, realizing the worse case scenario she seemed to have found herself amongst. Madeline rubbed at his hair lightly.

"It wasn't meant to be..." Madeline softly chided Michael, but he protested. She knew he would, but she didn't expect what he was going to say.

"It wasn't a normal miscarriage Madeline... We had hid it for four months... because Paul was just starting to leave... and my position wasn't secure...." Michael slowly revealed the events that led up to this aching pain that ate up both parents for years.

"Michael... that change was going to happen....Why didn't you tell anyone?" Madeline almost harshly demanded and Michael turned away and looked to Nikita. He rubbed at her neck and looked up to the ceiling.

"She begged off the mission... saying that she wasn't feel well, but I pushed her to go... and then the mission failed... Nikita blamed herself for falling off the ladder... and the rest is history..." Michael said as he suddenly closed up shop. He rubbed at Nikita's arm as Madeline blinked her eyes and looked about the room. That was when she encountered the crying eyes of Birkoff and Walter, standing in the doorway.

"You two never spoke of this?" Madeline inquired and Michael nodded his head pitifully. He rubbed his hands together and dropped his head once again.

"We swore each other to secrecy... and now I broke that trust..." Michael bemoaned out and Madeline shook her head from side to side. She rubbed at Michael's shoulder and waited, as suddenly there was more noise outside of the room, in the hallway.

"It needed to be said, Michael.... You said it because you know that it deals probably directly with what is going on here..." Madeline slowly mustered out with her own cracking voice.

That ended the words for sometime. Michael stayed near Nikita's side, not even moving his head up to look around. He studied her eyes and her face. He rubbed at her arms and shoulders. Madeline could only sit back and wonder how this was going to be fixed. For one moment she even entertained the thought if this was going to be fixed. Madeline rejected that thought, knowing if there was only one thing left for her to do in the world, it was to fix this, to fix Nikita.

"Oh Nikita..." Michael sobbed out as he muttered the words. His head lifted and saw the tear-filled eyes of the onlookers, only Birkoff and Walter knowing the truth of what Michael had revealed to Madeline.

"Madeline..." Michael said slowly as he indicated that he was going to leave the room. He lifted his tired body up out of the chair and moved to the doorway and glared at Walter and Birkoff, and then to his children. Michael was sure that more where downstairs.

"Do you find joy in watching this?" Michael coolly questioned and then kids immediately turned and left. Walter stepped to Michael and swallowed.

"We need to know what is going on.. The kids need to know what is going on..." Walter stated out as he placed a hand on Michael's shoulder. It would have felt good having the support here had Michael not just opened his soul to Madeline, giving her the most guarded secret that he did have.

"There are some professionals coming to watch Nikita... so me and Madeline can get some sleep and organize the treat..."

"Professionals?" Walter boomed out.

"SLEEP?" Birkoff cried out over Walter's words. Michael took a long deep breath and sighed. He reached out for the wall and pressed his body against the cool walls. He could almost fall asleep there, right there, standing up if he had too. Michael was teetering on his own edge of sorts, and Madeline strained to listen to the conversation.

"Me and Madeline have been waiting for this day... that Nikita hit bottom... but we didn't think it would be like this..."

"SO HARD?" Walter offered.

"SO FAST?" Birkoff chipped in and Walter shifted his weight.

"You didn't expect Nikita to attempt suicide?" Walter continued, not noticing Michael shifting his weight from side to side.

"You didn't think it would be almost hopeless?" Birkoff countered and suddenly Michael lashed out. He moved across the hallway, shoving Birkoff the entire length. He stared at Birkoff and swallowed, keeping himself from punching the new father, but not letting go of him.

"HEY MICHAEL!" Walter cried out and Madeline closed her eyes briefly. She knew her rules. She wasn't leaving Nikita's side; it was too risky if she popped out of the medicine. Although Madeline had secured the major weapons of self-inflicted wounds, Nikita was smart and could find something else to do the task if she felt she had too.

"It is not hopeless. Hopeless and Nikita don't go in the same sentence!" Michael growled and Birkoff slowly nodded his head and dropped it.

"I don't know if the kids can wait that long, Michael... Especially Mia... She saw her mother with that knife to her neck." Walter pointed out and Birkoff joined in nodding his head. Michael's hand feel and the grief and numbness flooded his body. They were right; he couldn't leave his children waiting out in the dark about this.

"I'm so tired... and there is so much to figure out..." Michael slowly explained as he pushed his hands through his air. He looked to the stairs and swallowed, wondering if his children were listening to him now and then he stopped and looked at Walter and Birkoff.

It was in their eyes.

Michael closed his eyes as he backed away from Walter and Birkoff. Michael knew that quickly that both men knew what he had told Madeline and his stomach churned.

What if the children heard?

"How long were you up here with the children?" Michael questioned and Birkoff looked to Walter and he stepped forward.

"They didn't hear, Michael.... Although..." Walter started to talk, but then stopped once it was apparent that all Michael wanted to know was if Mia and Aubrey heard of what happened to Nikita years ago.

"Don't tell them..." Michael issued out and Walter grabbed Michael's arm and yanked it.

"Don't tell them? Isn't that the problem?" Walter questioned and Michael lifted his head and looked at Walter.

"I'll tell them soon enough... but right now... it is going to have to be quiet... I have to tell them." Michael issued as he turned and walked back to the room. Madeline stood up and hugged Michael tightly and then helped him into the chair.

*

The night was dragging on as Michael sat by Nikita's bedside. There was so much turmoil churning in his head and he couldn't speak anymore of it. Walter came up to inform him that no one was going to sleep, his children wanted to know what was going on, and that the help that Madeline sent for was being held up because of a bad mission inside of Section.

"Michael... you should go speak with your family... But you and me will have to speak with Mia about this mother situation privately... but I can't do it tonight..." Madeline said as she shook her head. Michael stared at Madeline and looked down at Nikita. He thought of the eyes downstairs and shook his head. He swallowed.

"I can't do it myself, Madeline... Birkoff and Walter know..." Michael slowly protested out and Madeline tilted her head to the side. She rubbed Michael's shoulders and licked his lips. She knew now how hard it was for Michael to reveal a secret that was silent for almost over eight years.

"Michael... for the children's sake... say something about unconditional love... and tell them that everyone needs to be strong and then means for them to sleep." Madeline said and Michael shook his head and rubbed at Nikita's knuckles.

"I'm not going to trivialize this for the sake of my children. That has been a mistake from the beginning. This is going to be about what is best for Nikita, not what is best for my children to hear at this time." Michael issued out and Madeline nodded her head.

"I can watch her... I use to be psychiatric nurse before I finished school." Mary said firmly from the doorway. Michael started to shake his head in protest as Madeline moved to Mary.

"You just gave birth..." Madeline pointed out and Mary nodded her head and looked at Nikita. Her face was so twisted in the sleep and even Michael's presence wasn't helping that. She was stuck in a nightmare and Mary swallowed.

"And you probably have her on enough Ativan that she will be sleeping for a very long time..." Mary gently pointed out as she pushed into the room. Madeline looked to Michael and nodded for the door. Madeline very well knew of Mary's old experience, but she would have never mentioned it to the new mother to do this, in fact, she didn't want her too. Yet, Madeline was sure that Birkoff revealed what he had learned.

Michael walked down the stairs and stopped as he saw the eye turn and stare at him. Madeline's foot lightly touched Michael's calf, urging him to continue down the stairs, even as he found Aubrey cuddled on Operations' lap and Mia holding onto Walter firmly. Michael turned his head to the side and sought out Madeline's hand, finding it difficult to face the people that somehow became his family because they were almost all captives by Section One.

"Dad.. Please tell me about Mom..." Mia urged out and Norma reached out and stroked Mia's head. Michael closed his eyes and swallowed. He had been in a position of giving news to hundreds of operatives, but this was different. This was about his wife.

"Tonight... your mother hit bottom, Mia.... We've been waiting for it to happen..." Michael slowly revealed as he turned away. He shook his head and Madeline looked to Michael as he paced. She felt that this was Michael's place to speak, and that she was there for support. She would have corrected him if the information was wrong or incorrect, but she wasn't going to do this for Michael. Everyone was staring at her and she continued to look at Michael.

"Tonight... she made a very real attempt at taken her own life... because.. because.." Michael said as he stared at Walter, who wasn't there for the real event and finally started to break. Walter and Operations stared harshly at Madeline. She moved to Michael's side and rubbed his arm lightly.

"We will be discussing how all this occurred... Especially with you Mia..." Madeline pointed out, giving enough of a sentence for Michael to regather his thoughts and his courage. Michael turned and walked to his daughter.

"It isn't your fault for believing that Madeline and Paul are you grandparents... and I want you to love them like that.... But for your mother... it has to stop... and we are going to tell you why... in private..." Michael said as he looked at his daughter. Her face had not regained any color since she saw her mother with the knife to her throat.

"Dad.. what about me?" Aubrey questioned and Michael looked to Madeline. She shook her head no lightly to Michael. He moved on his knees to look at Aubrey and held his son's hands. Somewhere along the line he turned ten on him

"I want you to know that Madeline and Operations love you... but your mother's parents aren't them... in a few years.... We'll talk to you... but right now.. what matters is that Mia learns the truth..." Michael stated out and Aubrey nodded his head. Michael sighed in relief and Walter held onto Mia tighter. He knew that Mia was starting to formulate ideas in her mind, but Walter knew that when the truth came out... that Nikita's life was going to be worse than any nightmare Mia could imagine.

"We are all going to have to learn what unconditional love means and practices it to the utmost to its sense." Madeline said as she looked to Michael. Her heart went out to Michael, knowing that he was trying his hardest. She couldn't make him continue with his heartbroken speech, all that would be heard would be the emotions, while really what needed to be heard was the blunt truth of what everyone was going to have to do now.

"It's not going to be easy, is it?" Birkoff questioned and Madeline shook her head from side to side as Michael sunk to the floor, blinking his eyes frequently, looking lost and tired.

"If you don't love Nikita... don't offer to help," Madeline stated as she looked directly at Paul. That was her one person of concern. He looked at Madeline and did not speak. Maybe for now he was keeping a cover that he did love her for the children's sake, but she would have a long discussion with appearances and what Nikita needed. Just not now.

"How long are you going to keep her asleep?" Walter questioned as Mia leaned down and wrapped her arms around her father's neck. He closed his eyes painfully and swallowed. He needed this time with everyone; Michael needed to be supported just as much as Nikita needed supported.

"For now... at least two days... then she'll be heavily sedated..." Madeline revealed and Norma raised her eyebrows. It all indicated to the health professional that something disturbing is going on. Madeline looked around the room and swallowed. Right now, she wanted to go back upstairs, to bring Mary back to her family, but Madeline looked to Paul.

"Paul.. Can I talk to you in the other room... I have some plans I need your help on." Madeline ordered him as she nodded her head to the other side. Birkoff reached for Aubrey, as baby Josephine was well asleep. Aubrey placed his head down on Birkoff's lap and closed his eyes, much like Michael's were closed now, finding a slumber brought on by his own daughter's touch.

"What is it Madeline?" Operations questioned as he tilted his head to the side as they stood in the kitchen, the same room the entire bottom started to fall out of.

"I need to know your intentions..."

"What intentions? I'm concerned."

"Are you only here for the children, Paul? Are you only here for Mia and Aubrey?" Madeline forced out and Operations reached out and grabbed Madeline's shoulders. She was shaking and he forced his lips together.

"Madeline... you must not have heard me correctly on Birkoff's wedding... I care for Nikita.. and I would even venture to say that I love her in some odd way..." Operations revealed with a trembling voice. He looked to Madeline as she pushed at her hair and sighed heavily.

"Did Birkoff and Walter talk to you?"

"About what?"

"Anything."

"NO."

Madeline dropped her head. She swallowed. She was confused herself and knew that she needed to sleep to continue on with her treatment of Nikita, but some things needed to be done now and not later.

"Two years after Aubrey was born... Nikita lost a child... from what I have learned... it was a very violent miscarriage... and we played a role in it..." Madeline said as she kept her face from him. She hadn't expected to see any emotion on his face, and when she turned around to see the tears on his face she stopped.

"I expected something happened why back when.... I remember a couple days where Michael was off and Nikita was nowhere to be found... and I was allowed to have Mia... I. I..." Operations stuttered out and Madeline sucked in a deep breath of air and slowly touched him.

"Paul.. I'm sorry that I questioned your feelings...."

"It's not necessary, Madeline... I would have been more worried if you hadn't."

"There is something else, Paul..." Madeline drifted off as she grabbed his arm as he attempted to leave the kitchen. He turned and looked at her.

"After Nikita as started to maintain some sort of homeostasis here... I want to get her and Michael away.. but with support..." Madeline revealed slowly. Paul looked around the kitchen and swallowed. He could barely look at a knife right now.

"You want to send them to my island?" Operations questioned and Madeline nodded her head and chewed slightly at her lip. He blinked his eyes and waited for whatever Madeline was going to add to that.

"I want to make sure that at least Walter goes... if not you too... Nikita is going to accept love a lot easier from men.. she has never known her father and no one is threatening those feelings in her mind." Madeline tensely conversed, trying to keep her own emotions out of this. Yet, it hurt her, knowing how much she cared for Nikita, but knowing that it was going to be her relationship with Nikita that would probably be the last one to mend, if it did.

"I can't accept that assessment, Madeline.... If anything.. she needs a mother..." Operations countered and he stopped as Madeline's head shook back and forth. She licked her lips and swallowed.

"We cannot be something that we are not assigned to in our lives.... I cannot be her mother... I can be her friend.. and it was a grave mistake on my part to even think I could have taken that spot... and that miscalculation almost took Nikita's life hours ago." Madeline said as she opened her eyes and then moved out the kitchen. She walked passed the sleeping Michael and Aubrey as Walter rubbed Mia, who was comforting her father.

Operations walked back in and looked longingly up the stairs, realizing that although Michael was beating himself up for what happened, that Madeline was doing a better job at blaming herself and questioning her actions. Operations was sure that Madeline's plan on unconditional love was going to work, there were too many people who cared for Nikita sitting in this room. He had to wonder if Madeline just didn't realize the power of love herself and that she might miscalculate Nikita once more.

*

Michael had gathered a few hours of sleep in Aubrey's room, as it was as close as he could sleep to the master bedroom. When Michael returned from those brief hours of sleep, Madeline walked downstairs to check on the makeshift camp out on the living room floor. Only Walter opened his eyes to see Madeline and then closed them. Everyone else was in various odd sleeping positions and Madeline was not going to disturb them.

"Nikita..." Michael was softly whispering as Madeline trudged back up the stairs. She pushed her flat palm on the door and blinked at what she saw. Nikita's blue eyes were opened and she was crying, but not trying to move her lips. It wasn't a good thing to see for Madeline. She probably should still have been out of it and Madeline looked to her notes to see how much she could adjust the Ativan.

"Look..." Michael softly stated as he turned with a weak attempt at the smile. Madeline nodded her head as she started to pull at the medicine. No one had enough sleep, and that very much included Nikita. Madeline might have even tried to adjust her thoughts on that, allowing Nikita a few more minutes, but there was no attempt at communications, she was just staring blankly and crying. To allow it would make considerable more damage.

"She needs to sleep, Michael...... I think Nikita knows that..." Madeline softly said as she moved her way to the bed and stroked at Nikita's hair. Nikita's eyes didn't even move to look at Madeline. She had no guilt in doing this now, Madeline knew that this would only help Nikita in the long run.

"But she woke up..." Michael weakly said and Madeline placed a concerned hand on his shoulder. Michael turned his face and saw Madeline's. She was correct and he was just trying to hold onto romantic thoughts of how Nikita was going to be when she woke up.

"Yes... but you know what must be done, Michael." Madeline whispered and she pulled away from Michael. She waited, not giving Nikita the additional medicine until Michael nodded his head. It was a gesture that showed great respect to Michael, knowing that if he truly believed that Nikita was able to stay away and get better from that point, Madeline would have pulled away from administering the drug.

Madeline waited by the bedside, both Michael and Madeline touching at Nikita, as her eyes were wide open, and Nikita continued to surprise them. Madeline didn't expect Nikita's eyes to be open for a long as they were. She looked at the clock and was surprised how ten minutes had passed before Nikita's eyes even started to flutter.

"Baby..." Nikita's voice softly moaned as she gave away to the sleep. Michael pulled his hand away quickly, looking at Nikita and swallowed harshly. He was stunned and shocked. Madeline moved to her chair and pulled it close to Michael.

"We have to talk more about this, Michael..." Madeline softly whispered as she looked to Nikita. This was definitely something that must have weight on Nikita's every thought. You just don't get over the death of a child, especially as the way it was explained to Madeline. Now she needed the painful details. What led up to it and what occurred afterwards?

"Madeline... I don't think it needs to be discussed any further," Michael gradually stated as he did not move his eyes off of Nikita. Madeline frowned and pulled at Michael's chair, pulling him so he would be forced to look at her. Looking at Nikita now was not the point. He needed to discuss this with Madeline.

"Did she blame herself?" Madeline questioned as she stared into his eyes. He didn't need to speak, and Madeline nodded her head. She felt that that was what had occurred. It gave a greater context to think about when thinking about Nikita.

"She did more than that, Madeline... She assumed that she wasn't worthy enough..." Michael slowly whispered and Madeline grabbed Michael's hand and rubbed them. She swallowed carefully. The words that echoed in her mind were terrible ones.

"Michael... Did Nikita ever say that it wasn't fair... that she lived when her mother didn't want her and that baby died and it was wanted?" Madeline questioned directly. Michael pulled away. She didn't need the words verbalized. It all meant so much to Madeline. Nikita couldn't find the purpose for her life. Her world seemed to be falling apart because those that she counted on needed her, where growing up and not needing her. But that not needing her was being twisted into thoughts of them pushing her away, the same way Nikita viewed her childhood.

"Madeline... we rarely spoke of it... we just pushed it away, acted like that life never was there..." Michael started to sputter out and Madeline nodded her head. She sighed and looked at Michael, seeing that his words at stopped.

"So you handled everything outside of Section One and never got therapy.... But why didn't you try again?" Madeline questioned and Michael shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. He looked over his shoulder at Nikita and swallowed.

"I don't know... we just didn't..." Michael whispered out and Madeline turned and looked at Nikita. Although she knew that that lost was difficult, to lose a baby at four months in a way like Nikita had was difficult. Not trying again may have started a cycle deep within Nikita's mind that no one in the situation would ever think about. Madeline looked to Michael and swallowed. She knew that in a way, not trying again almost started the mindset that her mothering skills were being questioned. Madeline would never tell that to either one and she would go to the grave with that assessment. Now she had to do what was right for now, to start the beginning.

"At some point... you will have to discuss this with Nikita... and although you may want to tell Mia and Aubrey... I think the emotions dealt with losing who they consider who are their grandparents are enough trauma for everyone..." Madeline said and Michael nodded his head. He looked to Nikita and swallowed. The plans were starting to be made.

"Madeline... Maybe I'm confused with this whole family thing..." Michael slowly started to say and Madeline tilted her head to the side. She pulled her hands to her lap and considered what Michael just said. "Aren't the names and relationships arbitrary.... And wouldn't it be nice to know that Nikita kind of picked these people.. that she picked to be close to Walter.. and she picked the friendship with Birkoff... Isn't that better than being forced?"

"Michael... you amaze me. You bring up a very important point... and it may save Nikita and your entire family." Madeline stated as she stood up and left the room. Michael turned and shifted on the chair, looking at Nikita.

He couldn't take this any longer. He couldn't sit passively and observe her. He didn't care what Madeline suggested; his wife needed to be loved. He looked to the door and started to close it partially. The next movement was to chuck his shoes off.

Slowly he adjusted Nikita in the bed. He couldn't be sure that Nikita would hear his words of love as he looked down at her and held her hand. Michael felt too detached to do that any longer. Nikita, his Nikita, needed to be held. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked at her hair. Later he would wash her like she needed to be, properly. There were still stains from where Cynthia's blood laid on her for four days. Her hair was still dirty from the blood.

"I love you, Nikita.... I love you, Nikita..." Michael softly chanted into her ear. Slowly he drifted off to sleep.

Madeline had all intentions in going to Nikita's room and explaining her plan for the next several months. And she did mean months. She stopped at the door and looked at the bed, and saw Michael disobeying the rules that she had set up. Yet, she wouldn't stop this. Michael and Nikita in the past had ways with each other and Madeline stepped back. Maybe she should handle some of the messy things and allow this connection be. Allow Michael be with Nikita, because it was his love alone that was going to make any healing at all possible.

*

"You've kept my mother asleep for a long time, Madeline." Mia said as Madeline moved into the teenager's room. There was guilt on Mia's face, and some it did belong there. Madeline tilted her head to the side and sat down on Mia's bed as she continued to sit in the wheelchair. The past four days Madeline had rarely seen Mia out of the chair.

"Actually, she hasn't been sleeping this entire time.... But she isn't ready for too many people," Madeline replied as she studied Mia's eyes. They had a conversation with Aubrey earlier that everything was names, and that none of her love changed for Aubrey and Mia. Yet, it was still burning in Mia's eyes. Madeline turned to the door and motioned for Walter to join them.

"I've asked Walter to join us..." Madeline deliberately informed Mia as Walter turned and closed the door. It was not a comfortable position and it may have worked out better if Birkoff was in Walter's place. Yet, Birkoff did have to take his wife and daughter home and no one blamed him and Madeline was sure that Nikita would understand fully.

"What is this? An intervention for me?" Mia questioned as she stared at Walter. His face was drawn; he was already starting to protect himself from the bad memories of years ago. When Nikita did finally reveal things about her childhood and Walter heard about them, Walter was more than confused and hurt. He broke Section security too many times, wanting to find who did this to Nikita and to hurt them. Madeline had seen Walter for several months about the anger and pain he had. It was difficult for him to think back on those times, but he was doing it for two reasons: Mia and Nikita.

"No.. We are going to discuss your mother's mother," Madeline pointed out quickly as she reached out for Walter's hand. Mia kept shifting her eyes from side to side, looking at Madeline and then looking at Walter. It was definitely a bad time for Mia, but she lifted her brave chin and stared at them, as Nikita used to do.

"What about her?" Mia questioned defiantly. Walter swallowed and dropped his head. Madeline looked around the room and swallowed. There was no easy way to start this conversation. Madeline looked to the wall and saw a photograph of one of Mia's close friends. Madeline blinked her eyes and swallowed.

"Do you remember when Leetia was taken out of school and sent across town?" Madeline inquired, finding some sort of common ground to start with. It was almost eight years ago that this happened. Madeline looked at the now 17-year old Mia and licked her lips and waited.

"That hurt so much, Grand... ah.. Madeline..." Mia stumbled ahead, first with the pain of recalling the bad time for her friend Leetia and then finding trouble in what to call Madeline. Madeline reached out for Mia's hands and rubbed them. She looked at Mia and sighed, not caring what Mia did call her at all.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"She was taken away from her parents... Sent across town because her grandparents didn't want her and her uncle was out of town... They put her in that horrible house..." Mia slowly remembered, blinking her eyes. During that time, it was difficult for Mia, as Leetia was the first friend Mia made outside of Section One and the first one of her friends that Michael and Nikita met and took too. Nikita hadn't liked the events of what happened to Leetia, and in the end, it had been Nikita who called the authorities. She felt guilty for what happened, but never told her daughter because it would have caused too many questions.

"Yes.... She was put in a foster home.... But her uncle moved to town and she came back... But do you know why she was taken from her mom and dad?" Madeline probed as she tilted her head to the side. She felt Walter fidgeting and it was difficult, but she couldn't find the heart to just blurt out what happened to Nikita.

"Yeah... she told me..." Mia whispered out and Madeline reached for Mia's hair. Mia rolled her head to the sight of Madeline's touch and swallowed. "Her mother and father hit her..."

"Not just once, Mia... A lot." Madeline clarified and Mia nodded her head with tears on her eyes. Walter glanced at Madeline. It was a good comparison, but didn't come close to what happened to Nikita.

"Is that what my mother's mom did to her?" Mia questioned quickly with raised eyebrows.

"Don't call your mother's mother a mom... she wasn't that... I wouldn't call her a mother.. Maybe a genetic material donor," Walter immediately spat out. Mia stared at Walter as Madeline turned and touched his shoulder lightly. He looked to Madeline and shook his head. He was close to his edge and Madeline understood that.

"Why does this sound so bad?" Mia questioned as her eyes flipped from Walter to Madeline. She started to sink further back in her chair. By now, in her seventeen years of being on this earth, she had to have some knowledge of what Madeline was going to tell her and what Walter was going to confirm.

"Nikita was abused by her mother..." Madeline stated out, even as Walter allowed a snort out of his mouth. Madeline couldn't even put herself to glare at the man, as she knew that his feelings were true and correct. Mia was also picking up on those actions of Walter.

"This was more than hitting her, right?" Mia questioned quickly, so perceptive, so much like her mother. Madeline nodded her head as Walter reached out for Mia.

"She didn't tell anyone for some time, Mia... We knew that she ran out on the streets for a reason.. But sometimes kids run away for the stupidest reasons," Walter pointed out and Mia rubbed at her hair. Madeline knew that none of this was pleasant for a child to learn about their mother, and that it was just compounded with the problems that were occurring now.

"She was sexually abused in several ways... but we have no need to go into that..." Madeline quickly stated and Mia looked to Madeline and blinked her eyes.

"But she was with Dad.... That is special, isn't it?" Mia promptly stated as she glared at Madeline. Her green eyes studying Madeline and she pressed her lips together. Madeline dropped her head and Mia nodded her head. "A miracle..."

"Yes, Mia... Your father is a miracle for you mother.... And that is why his love his bring her back right now," Madeline quickly replied. Walter looked to Mia and moved. He looked to her cheeks that were now stained with tears.

"She was denied by her mother all the things she has given you... Every time I thought that she was going overboard with you and Aubrey, I sat back and saw how special it was for her to even be able to call you hers," Walter acknowledged as he wiped at Mia's tears. He blinked back his own tears until Madeline placed a hand out on Walter's arm.

"I have to go..." Mia suddenly announced and pushed herself out of the room. Madeline hung her head down and looked to Walter. They sat there in the silence of Mia's room, almost unable to breathe. It seemed as if Mia had taken some of what they were trying to reveal to her.

"Are we trying to give Mia more reasons for her to love her mother? Were we trying to make her grateful for the fact that Nikita doesn't hit her or abuse her?" Walter finally interrogated Madeline as his face expressed the loathsome hatred he had right now for Madeline and what he helped her do. Madeline palpitated that thought in her head, churning it against all of her knowledge until she dropped her head in a feeling of contrite hatred for herself.

"It looks like you are right Walter... there was a tone to that, giving Mia reasons to justify love towards her mother. What about the simple fact that Nikita is her mother?" Madeline slowly unveiled with tedious words, each one eating at the strength she thought she had. All of this may have made the circumstances worse. Nikita didn't need her daughter feeling sorry for her. Nikita needed her daughter to love her because she was the mother.

"I should go talk to her again.." Madeline said as she stood up and moved to the door. She had expected to see Mia in the kitchen, and frowned as she moved to the front stairs. She looked to the living room and saw that the chair lift had been moved. Mia could walk around the house fine, but she still couldn't walk the stairs. Madeline shook her head and swallowed.

"I hope she isn't in with Nikita..." Madeline whispered as she started to mount the stairs. She knew that Nikita was provisionally growing stronger with Michael's careful ministrations of devotion. Each time Michael whispered "I love you" gave strength to Nikita that couldn't be measured and it was that strength that Madeline was banking on bring Nikita back to them. Throw Mia into that combination, with her normal teenager thoughts and impulses and things could go to hell, and quickly.

Madeline pressed the door open and found Nikita holding onto a plate and smiling as Michael stroked carefully at her hair. They were still underneath the sheets together and Mia sat at the edge of the bed, looking at her mother.

"It's the sandwich you first made me when Jimmy Nargood broke up with me... that special pizza sandwich..." Mia slowly explained as she looked at her mother pushing the fork at the food. Nikita hadn't been eating to say the least and Madeline stood at the door, pressed against the frame, wondering what was going to happen.

"Double on the cheese?" Nikita slowly questioned with a spreading smile. Mia nodded her head and laughed lightly, as Michael couldn't tear his eyes off of Nikita, not even to notice the apprehensive Madeline at the door.

"Double on the cheese and double on the pepperoni... The perfect comfort food," Mia stated and Nikita smiled and cut a piece off and started to chew at the food quickly. Nikita dropped her head and continued to eat and Mia reached out for her mother.

"I made it... because I love you, Mom," Mia softly stated and Nikita lifted her head and started to cry at the statements. Walter held Madeline to the door as she was about dash across the room and stop Mia from communicating with her mother. Madeline shifted from foot to foot, staying in the spot that Walter held her to, but she was worried and scared at this moment.

"I don't care who you are... You are my mother... and you have done things for me... like that pizza sandwich that no one else would have done... I love you because you're my mom." Mia softly stated with tears slipping down her face. Madeline blinked her own tears away as she looked at Michael's face. His were splattered with tears. The only person in the room that didn't have tears was Nikita; she was chewing on the piece of the sandwich that she did have in her mouth and still staring at Mia.

"Oh Mia..." Nikita stated out as she dropped the plate and reached out for her daughter. Nikita closed her eyes and held onto her daughter so tightly. Madeline stepped back lightly and finally turned.

"I love you, Mom... I love you so much..."

*

Nikita carefully sat on the couch in the living room. Her hair was all groomed for and all of her clothing was on in a neat manner. From a distance, she looked rigid and the closer you got you saw that it wasn't the Nikita of times ago. It wasn't even the Nikita of the recent past. Madeline closed her eyes as she looked at Nikita, trying to hold onto something that Madeline wasn't quite sure of.

She was the drugged Nikita.

There was nothing that could be helped with that situation. She was still close to that edge, even after four days of being in bed and now three days of being allowed limited movement around the house. Even the movement around the house was restricted and carefully watched, but the outside world made it difficult. Section One called all the time; pushing Nikita's mind onto other things than herself and it did that to Michael. It was Michael that pushed this trip up, to escape the badgering of those from Section.

In a couple weeks, the medicine would be adjusted, lowered to bring Nikita back, but slowly. Madeline looked onto Nikita and swallowed. It was clear that the justification of this being a vacation was not easing her troubled mind. Michael and Walter were packing the car for the trip to the Section One jet.

"Nikita... are you ready for your vacation?" Madeline questioned as she moved from her spot in the hallway that she had been watching Nikita from. Madeline watched as Nikita's eyes lifted up, dull from the drugs and stared at her.

"You're sending me away," Nikita whispered and Madeline blinked her eyes and rubbed Nikita's back. She looked around and swallowed.

"I'm not sending you away... You and Michael are going on a vacation... to get away for a while..." Madeline slowly voiced. She waited as Nikita's head slowly continued to move from side to side in protest.

"Why?" Nikita simply questioned and Madeline sighed and rubbed Nikita's back lightly. She swallowed and hoped that Nikita could understand all of this, that Madeline was making it as simple as possible.

"You need his love Nikita... and down there, it will be about you and him... With no Section... and no other worries..." Madeline explained as she continued to rub Nikita. But Nikita pulled away and pulled up an eyebrow.

"You don't think I belong here!" Nikita shouted and Madeline swallowed.

"Nikita... I love you; I wouldn't do anything to hurt you... This is what is best." Madeline simply stated out, falling back to what had worked in the past week. Nikita narrowed her eyes and smacked at Madeline's outstretched hands.

"You don't love me! You don't know what is best for me! No one loves me!" Nikita hissed and Madeline pulled her hands away. Theoretically this was a step backwards. Madeline swallowed.

"What about Michael? He loves you... And I love you Nikita... I do." Madeline calmly stated out, even as her stomach flipped. She watched the eyes twist from side to side, trying to decide to believe Madeline or not.

"Why are you sending me away, then?" Nikita cried out as the tears rolled down her face. Madeline reached out and touched those tears.

"Nikita, don't cry... This is not as big as you are making it.... This is being done for you..." Madeline simplified as Michael walked into the house and stopped. Madeline raised her eyes and looked to the kitchen and the message was sent. Michael trudged off, without lingering too much to be noticed.

"You are sending me away from my home and my children, Madeline!" Nikita screamed out as she again, swatted at the hands and pushed with them away. Madeline reached for Nikita again, knowing that she couldn't back down now. It wasn't right and it wasn't correct.

"Nikita... I am doing this... we are doing this because we love you.... And this is what you need, Nikita," Madeline informed Nikita and she watched Nikita carefully. It almost looked as if Nikita was going to give in, to give up her fight, but then her head started to swing from side to side.

"I have to be here!" Nikita finally said firmly out with a determined voice. Madeline felt her voice catch in her throat. She hadn't planned what to do if Nikita decided and protested so vehemently about going to the island. Madeline swallowed, trying to gather a thought at the same time she was trying to decide what to do if Nikita did really want to stay here.

"Why, Nikita? We have everything taken care of... All you have to do is go on vacation." Madeline facilitated, hoping that the words would be accepted. Madeline looked to Nikita and held onto her breath.

"What about Mia? She still can't walk up the stairs; I need to be here for her... She needs me." Nikita asseverated in a voice that was almost on a panic. Madeline reached for Nikita's hands and squeezed them tightly. Nikita dropped her head and started to cry.

"I'm not a good mother for her... and now you are sending me away so you can be her mother..." Nikita jumped quickly from her pain of wanting to be there for Mia to some thought that was irrational. The thought had Madeline struck dump for several seconds, she couldn't believe that those words even came out of Nikita's mouth.

"I can't replace you, Nikita.... You were the one that protected her life by putting yours on the line... I don't have children because I wouldn't do that." Madeline firmly said and then leaned her head back. She knew that her words were too personal, that they wouldn't fit what Nikita was thinking and on the level that Nikita was responding too. Madeline said those words basically for herself and no one else.

"So I was wrong in doing that, wasn't I?" Nikita questioned and Madeline fluttered her eyes. She had to gather control of this situation now before it continued out of control as it seemed to be heading. Michael had walked back down the hallway to check on Madeline and she slowly looked at him before he turned and retreated back to the kitchen.

"Nikita... everything you did for love... and now you have to let us do things for the love you... I'm only so concerned that you go on this vacation with Michael... so you can have that love and that love alone... Like you want.... Like you need." Madeline slowly explained as she lowered her shoulders and looked up at Nikita. It symbolically gave Nikita the power in the relationship, it gave her the power over Nikita and she slowly started to bawl her eyes out.

"But Mia..."

"She is seventeen, Nikita... She can survive for a couple weeks without you... But can you survive if you stay here, Nikita?"

"Madeline..."

"Can you answer that question?"

"No."

"Why can't you answer that question?"

"Madeline.. You are getting off the subject... I just want to..."

"Nikita... You can't answer that question because you heart wants to go... it wants to run out that door now.. and what I'm telling you is that it is all right to go," Madeline resolutely sounded. Nikita leaned her head back to the couch and swallowed.

"Nikita.. it doesn't have to hurt... We all want you to go." Madeline explained and Nikita looked at Madeline and then pulled away even further.

"Why should I trust you? I don't know you! I just know that I want my family and I want to be in my house." Nikita shouted and Madeline stood up and walked to the doorway. Nikita looked to the wall and back to Madeline. Madeline slowly moved away and Nikita looked to her hands and started to fidget exactly as Madeline knew Nikita was going to do.

"No! Don't leave me!" Nikita cried out and Madeline moved back to the couch and grabbed Nikita.

"I'm not leaving you... See I came back.. Because I love you, Nikita..." Madeline stated firmly and Nikita continued to shake her head. Madeline glanced at the clock and saw that time was running out. More than likely she wasn't going to get Nikita out of the house today. Not when Nikita was feeling this strongly.

"Nikita... Do you know when you garden what you do?" Madeline approached with the questioned, taking a new route in maybe getting what she needed to get too.

"I plant the flower... I give it water... and let the sun help it grow," Nikita responded with a voice that was tinged with Nikita's current child-like thought processes. Madeline slid off of the couch and rubbed her knees against the harsh carpet as she knelt holding onto Nikita's knees.

"Well... it's just the same for people... you've gotten plenty of water... but going to this island will give you the sun, Nikita... And that is what you need to grow," Madeline stated in a concerned voice. Nikita blinked her eyes and licked her lips.

"But I can go outside and get the sun... just sit in a chair..." Nikita protested out as she blinked her eyes innocently. Madeline forced out a smile and then looked to the side of the room.

"It's a different kind of sun, Nikita...." Madeline slowly stated and then dropped her head down to Nikita's lap. Madeline was beyond frustrated. She knew what Nikita needed, but it was implicitly impossible to explain to Nikita in terms that she would understand right now why she needed to go.

Madeline lifted her head and stared at Nikita's eyes as she looked down at Nikita. Madeline shook her head back and forth. The drugs were a double edged sword of sorts, if she didn't have it, Nikita could possibly going suicidal as she was before, but with it, she wasn't able to comprehend the situation like she would have been able too. Nikita reached her hand down and touched Madeline's hair.

"It doesn't matter... I'm a weed," Nikita said softly. Madeline looked at Nikita and blinked her eyes. Here was Nikita, trying to do anything to stop herself from what she needed. Madeline rubbed at up at Nikita's hair and sighed.

"No, Nikita... You aren't a weed... You are a beautiful flower..."

"I am?"

"Yes... I know what kind too..."

"What kind?"

"A rose... a peace rose... Have you ever seen one?"

"I've seen roses..."

"No.. a peace rose is special..." Madeline slowly drawled out as she moved back up next to Nikita. Nikita placed her head down on Madeline's shoulder and lightly closed her eyes.

"Tell me what that looks like."

"It blooms so brightly... It is mostly yellow... almost like your hair..." Madeline slowly described the flower that Nikita reminded her off. "And it has this hint of pink... representing the heart of the flower.. the love that it has for the world... You are a peace rose... and they need gentle care... and..."

"Plenty of sun?" Nikita offered as she moved her head to look at Madeline. Madeline nodded her head and rubbed at Nikita neck lightly.

"Yes... plenty of sun," Madeline whispered and Nikita sat back and looked to the door.

"I should go." Nikita responded and Madeline almost allowed Nikita to see the sigh of relief from her statement. Michael heard the words, having not moved all the way down the hallway, staying nearby in case Madeline fumbled this one.

"Are you ready to go, my Nikita?" Michael questioned and Nikita lifted her head to smile at her husband. She tilted her head to the side and stared at him. It was clear that she was thinking about what if he was a dream, as Nikita often admitted to that thought. Madeline rubbed Nikita's back, hoping to nudge Nikita to move off of the couch. She needed to go to him.

"Mon doux celui, est-ce que vous êtes prêt à aller?" Michael softly whispered from the doorway and Madeline turned to stare at him.

"Michael... let's go." Nikita responded and Madeline looked to Nikita. She knew that Nikita still hadn't picked up French like that Michael had used. Michael shrugged his shoulders and reached out for Nikita, staying in the doorway. Nikita slowly pushed up from the couch and then snuggled her face into Michael's arms.

"Nikita... you do have your medication?" Madeline questioned and Nikita peaked her head out for Michael's arms and slowly nodded. She looked like a kitten that had jumped into a paper bag and was peering out to see if someone saw her jump in. Slowly she smiled.

"I want you to take that, Nikita... It is very important," Madeline reminded Nikita and Nikita rolled her head up and looked at Michael before she turned and looked at Madeline. Michael rubbed her arms as Walter stood at the door, waiting to go. It was going to be probably a long flight.

"I know, Madeline." Nikita responded and Madeline moved closer to Nikita. She stroked Nikita's hair, knowing that right now this was all that was between her and Nikita. It hurt her heart, because for so many years she had always taken it from granted that there was something more between her and Nikita. She had allowed it to slip away without knowing it.

No one knew how much Madeline was beating herself up for her stupid mistakes in the years that had passed. She cursed at herself silently whenever she got the chance for not picking up on Nikita's difficulties and for missing something as huge as Michael and Nikita losing a baby. She cursed at herself, knowing that if she had been able to step in there, this may have never happened and this wouldn't be needed. It was like remolding Nikita from scratch and it was going to be so difficult, hoping that this time the molding was done right.

"Nikita, I don't want you to feel pressured into this trip... I want to know why you are going?" Madeline questioned, making sure not to make a mistake here. Nikita looked at Michael and then snuggled her arms even closer to his body. Nikita smiled gently and looked to Madeline.

"I need to get my sun." Nikita stated and Madeline nodded her head, keeping back the unshed tears, at least until Nikita walked away. Madeline looked at Michael and nodded her head. The consent to go was given and soon, Nikita had left the house and the children that in time she would need, just not right now.

*

The breathing of the individuals were long and rhythmic. All three men stared out to the living room, observing and thinking, just as they had done for the past three days. Of course Michael had some conversations with Nikita, but she rarely did anything but sit and stare at some place. Something, no someone, had to be brave and do something new or the pattern would continue, as it was set now.

"Michael... are you just going to sit here the entire time?" Operations finally questioned as he whispered closer to Michael's ear. Michael looked at him and then slowly to Nikita.

"I'm waiting to see if she is going to tell me that she didn't take her medicine, Paul," Michael firmly stated, but not loud enough so that Nikita could hear him. Walter looked over his shoulder with a gasp. "Don't worry, Walter... Madeline said that she could start lowering the dosage, she was... extremely high."

"But wouldn't that make her more active? Has she even gone outside yet, once?" Walter questioned back with his voice on the edge of being heard by Walter. Michael looked around the table and sighed. Yes, Nikita needed these men in time, but right now, they were driving him a bit crazy. Michael sighed and stood up, leaving the table and heading towards Nikita. He knew that his every move was being watched and accounted for.

"Would you come on a walk with me?" Michael softly whispered as he placed a hand down on Nikita's shoulder. He was the only one that had been able to carry on a conversation with Nikita so far. She just shut down around everyone else. Michael didn't like the fact that she was relying upon him so heavily, but it was what was to be done.

"Why?" Nikita questioned and Michael leaned down and smiled at her. He gently fussed at her cheek, blinking his eyes as he could see that the weather had at least given her some color back. She was a sunbather from inside, always finding the chair or couch that was next to a huge window when the light was bathing the furniture.

"Because I love you... and I want to go watch the sunset with you," Michael responded as he rubbed his hand to her knee. Michael mischievously squeezed it, hoping to get any response out of Nikita that was new from just wanting to sit there.

"I thought you wanted me to stay here.... Inside," Nikita explained as she blinked her eyes. Now, Michael was confused where that thought had come from. Michael looked over his head and swallowed. Nikita's eyes slightly narrowed looking for an explanation of what she had thought and what she was seeing now with Michael.

"I don't want you to stay inside... I would never say that to you... I want you to do and be in places that would make you happy," Michael elucidated as he leaned closer to Nikita. Sometimes he just wanted to kiss her. Sometimes Michael felt like he could kiss it and make it all the pains go away. He knew it wasn't true, but it didn't stop that feeling from happening, especially from happening now.

"I thought you thought the water would be dangerous for me... that I would try to..." Nikita said as she drifted off with her miscalculated thoughts. Michael was terrified in his heart that Nikita actually believed that he thought that. He had been sitting in the house waiting for Nikita to make the move, like Madeline suggested. This was not what anyone wanted Nikita to do.

"That was never meant to be implied Nikita. You can go anywhere you want..." Michael said firmly as he stood up. He reached his hand out to Nikita. He waited as her eyes slowly inched their way up his arm, as if she was studying every single hair on his arm. He waited and finally Nikita's eyes met his.

"Why?" Nikita questioned again.

"I love you." Michael blinked.

"You love me... Is that the answer to everything?" Nikita questioned and Michael smiled. Maybe it was good that she had skipped that one pill, she didn't seem to be in such a haze any longer. He reached his hand out again and Nikita took it.

"It's the simple answer... it's the simple answer to why I am here with you and why I'm going to stay here with you..." Michael gently replied as he turned and opened the door to the beach that was right at the doorstep. Nikita stepped out and smiled at the warmth that touched her skin. It was like the warmth of Michael's love warming up her heart slowly, making her better.

Together they walked forward, towards the sand, holding each other's hands and watching the bobbing waves flow forward and Nikita smiled. Michael wanted to shout and scream at the gesture, a smile. It wasn't a force one and it wasn't a painful smile. It was Nikita's smile. Her true smile.

~~

Once Nikita explored the sands of the beach during that sunset walk with Michael that was where she was found from that point on. Early in the morning, after taking some new medication that Madeline sent down to them, she would lather her body up with the strong sunscreen and hit the sands and the waters. And early in the morning she was active, jogging up and down Operation's private strip of beach and splashing about in the water.

Nikita must have known or at least seen it. Not only did Michael always keep a close eye on her from a window when she was near the water, Operations and Walter did. No one really went out to her and Michael looked around the one day as all of the men sat in the living room, staring at Nikita as she was laying on her back for the second straight hour in a row.

"I think I am going to take some lemonade out to her," Michael blandly stated as he stood up and moved away from the living room. She needed to have some more human contact, and Michael knew this. His one gesture, of taking the lemonade out to Nikita, brought everyone out of the house, Operations pulling the huge umbrella to set up to hide away from the sun.

It didn't take long before Nikita moved towards the men and not long after that, Michael moved back to the house, leaving Nikita with Operations and Walter. Madeline had said that it would happen, but it just didn't happen as Madeline thought it would have been. Not only was Nikita tentative in reestablishing the friendship with Walter and a relationship with Operations, Walter and Operations were down right intimidated that they might do something wrong.

It was almost ten days when everyone was a bit more comfortable. Nikita had even made several phone calls to her children. She was still on an edge that everyone knew about and everyday was prayed for that nothing bad happened. Yet, something seemed to have dampened Nikita on this day.

Operations was the first one to approach, looking at her from a distance, seeing a sadness that hadn't seemed to be there before. He slowly moved towards Nikita's body as he looked back to Walter. Slowly, he sat down in the sand as Nikita lay on her stomach, her face facing the water.

"Do you know that I've never seen anyone do that before?" Operations vacillatingly questioned Nikita, finding it the best way to start a conversation. Nikita lifted her head out of the sand and looked at him, with eyes that had definitely had tears in them.

"Do what?" Nikita instantly questioned back, wanting to know what he was commenting. Operations looked towards Walter and saw him trudging towards the duo now. Operations moved towards Nikita's head and smiled.

"Lay facing the water... I mean.. the water is actually touching your arms... Most people always face their feet to the water," Operations explained and Nikita dropped her head back down. He got no where and slowly he looked to Walter.

Walter's tact was very different, almost playful. He immediately opened the bottle of sunscreen and drenched Nikita's back with the cool white liquid, as he had it purposely chilled. Walter laughed as Nikita tried to settle her body back down, but still there was the shock of the coolness on her skin.

"Woah, Sugar... Why you all tense up today? It isn't going to storm or anything?" Walter said as he started mead Nikita's back carefully. Nikita lightly moaned with the massage because it was feeling good. Walter knew that for the time being he was giving Nikita a reason not to respond. He did not want to push Nikita.

"Walter... I'm just confused a bit." Nikita finally stated out as Walter pulled his greasy hands off of her back and smacked them loudly together. Walter took a position on the opposite side of Nikita and discreetly met eyes with Operations.