It was extremely quiet in the house, and Nikita basked in those moments, trying to take in every second. It was not that she did not like the attention from Michael and Walter, and it was not that she did not like pretending that Madeline was her mother, but now, she finally had a few minutes that she could call her own. It gave Nikita some time to actually think about the mission that she was on and about her recovery. She always got some time to think about what was going to happen afterwards.

Nikita was concerned about what her relationship with Madeline was going to be like, as she was aware that Madeline understood every facet of Nikita's own horrid childhood, and this role-playing was doing something to Nikita's mind. In some ways, Nikita looked at Madeline like she was her mother now and that scared Nikita.

It also gave Nikita some time to feel what it felt like not to have Michael constantly watching her every move. She had never had Michael so attentive to her before in her life, and now, it almost scared her. She knew she had admitted everything to Michael, but now she was sure that she had scared Michael away. Nikita had a complex network of feelings about what was going on. She was absolutely sure that Michael was on this mission as a mission, and Nikita did not even want to phantom who Michael was meeting for some afternoon rendezvous when he ran out of the house quickly, usually leaving her to Walter's care.

In the hour that had passed, Nikita had finally found a book in the small den that she had yet to read. She carefully placed the book in her injured arm as she walked to the living room. She did not need to worry about where Michael was, as he was at the same place that Walter was, on a mission. It was the first thing to indicate directly Operations disapproval of their lack of contact with Honus Breslove. Nikita also know that Madeline had recently doubled her team of Watchers on Operations, as she showed signs that Operations might do something with Mia while she was busy.

Nikita had just sat down on the couch when the doorbell rang. Nikita dropped the book to the end table and silently prayed that it was Honus Breslove, in order to finish this mission and leave this house. It was during those moments that she was walking towards the door that Nikita felt earth-shaking fear in her heart that she may not have anywhere to go after this mission.

This fear was written across her face as Nikita opened the door to find Madeline and Operations standing at the doorway, without Mia. Nikita stepped back as she knew this was not a visit that was planned, nor was it a visit to show Honus Breslove Nikita's odd arrangement.

Madeline could see from Nikita's face that the task at hand was not going to be difficult. Operations had demanded that the mission to be pushed forward and Madeline hesitated for a week, hoping that Michael was continuing with therapy on a steady basis. Madeline was also aware that Nikita was acutely keen on knowing that Michael's and Walter's mission had been a cover so they could visit.

"Hello Mom and Dad." Nikita said in a weak trembling voice as she moved to the living room. Operations glared at the word and followed Nikita quickly into that room. He stared at her as she pushed the book away and looked around, anywhere away from both of their eyes.

"The doctors said that you are healing quickly in Walter's care, but there is something more that you must come to terms with." Madeline said, as she hated each word that crept out of her mouth. Although it was not physically being done, Madeline was having her arm twisted by Operations on this move. He could not know her ultimate plan of this mission; he was doing something that could ruin two good operatives.

"What?" Nikita questioned and Madeline looked at Operations as he moved from Madeline's side. There was horror on Nikita's eyes as she pushed her body backwards as Operations continued to approach her. Nikita moved until her legs hit the edge of the couch and Madeline reached out and pulled Operations' arm.

"Take your shirt off." Operations growled and Nikita shook her head as she bottom lip began to tremble. Madeline slowly looked at Operations, knowing that Nikita's interpretation of those words were different from what he had meant. Madeline quickly snapped to attention at a way to defuse the situation as much as possible.

"Nikita, you must come to terms with your scar." Madeline hissed out and Nikita shook her head, and Madeline blinked her eyes, as Nikita's state of mind did not change. Her body continued to shake, and it looked as if they were little convulsions that Nikita had no control over, and that any moment she may drop over into a seizure. Madeline did not like this behavior at all.

"But I won't have it for long. The doctors said they will fix it..." Nikita whispered out and Operations glared at Madeline and looked at Nikita's blue eyes, and he tried not to be affected by Nikita's tear-filled eyes. He cursed himself for becoming weak towards Nikita because of his exposure to Mia, and Operations knew who to blame for that.

"Nikita, the scar may be more of a use to us than a perfect back." Madeline said and Nikita looked at Madeline with her mouth gapping open in horror of what Madeline had said. Nikita had not even looked to the scar, although she felt it, almost all the time. Nikita was having dreams of that scar, getting bigger and bigger until it engulfed her entire body. It made Nikita ugly, and she was sure that was what it would always be seen as.

"Nikita, take your shirt off. Look at the scar." Operations said and Nikita shook her head back and forth, as she raised her good hand up to offer as a weak shield. Nikita did not know that Madeline's heart was shattering at the move, as Operations had successful pushed Nikita to the lowest point she had ever been at. Nikita couldn't allow most touch, and now she would not allow most looks. She had no self-esteem left, and worst, Nikita was sure that she was losing her daughter's love to the one man that she hated and the woman that she was not sure to hug and cry with, or to pull a gun up and kill her.

Operations moved her hand out towards Nikita and she fell back to the couch. Hurriedly, with both hands, Nikita pulled at the shirt, exposing that she was wearing a sports bra. She dropped the shirt to the floor and Operations looked at her.

"Turn around and look into the mirror." Operations growled and Nikita shook her head as the tears flowed beyond her control. It felt as if her entire body was being pushed inside of that scar, that the scar had branded her for life. There was nothing more to her life than a scar, jagged and barely healed.

"Paul, that's enough." Madeline whispered out as she pulled at his arm. He turned around with a look of rage in his eyes, like a wild animal that had just found its prey.

"It is never enough, Madeline. She had to know that it is a part of her, for life. That she is nothing. Nothing." Operations growled in his own anger of the situation. Madeline shook her head as she pulled at him, knowing that both had lost so much, only that Operations had yet to realize it. Madeline recognized his anger, as he preciously tried to maintain a grasp on the tentative power that he did have in Section One. Madeline pulled tightly until he snapped his arm away from her.

"Don't touch her, Paul! You can't!" Madeline shouted out protectively as Nikita tried to push her body against the couch, cowering like a mouse in a corner, with a cat ready to catch its feast. Paul turned around and stared at Madeline's eyes.

"I'll call George myself, Paul." Madeline whispered out and Paul picked up the shirt and tossed it at Nikita. He looked at her, and saw nothing that could be salvaged as an operative. His empathy for her condition had now dwindled to nothing, as it did not matter if she saved his life once upon a time. She was least of a person now than when they took her into Section One. Paul turned and stormed out of the house, and Madeline moved with him, knowing that she could not chance an anomaly in their appearance in case Honus Breslove was watching the house at the moment. Madeline looked around as she shut the door and chased out after the storming Operations. She hoped that Michael would be back quickly.

*

Michael stepped out of the car and looked to the passenger side door open. Michael rolled his head to the side and looked as Walter stepped out of the car in the early night. Michael closed his door and looked to Walter.

"You've been quiet this entire drive, Michael." Walter said as he waited for Michael to walk around the car. Walter saw that Michael was staring at the house before he looked at the older man. Michael showed nothing of the wear and tear that the mission had been on him, and both men knew what the mission was for, and it had nothing to do with the need to take down a small time terrorist.

"I wonder what the real motive was." Michael said and Walter nodded his head as he walked up the path at Michael's side. Walter turned and touched Michael's shoulder softly.

"Hopefully it gave Honus Breslove the chance to contact Nikita. That would get you and her out of this place, and back where you two belong." Walter whispered out in the cool night air. Michael frowned and nodded his head, hoping that Walter was correct, but Michael felt has if he committed something bigger, that somehow he left Nikita without protection.

That sense grew as Michael stepped up on the porch and the motion detection light did not go off. Unlike his house, the light at this house had to be turned on in the hallway, and Michael looked around to the windows. Nikita had drawn all the blinds, and Michael had been in a constant battle with Nikita to keep the blinds up. More often than not, Nikita won the battle, seeking out the darkest places to put her body at.

Michael opened the screen door and paused as he stared at the door. Michael looked at Walter as he pulled his gun up to his side in one fluent motion. Walter lifted his eyes and saw the stimulus that had caused Michael's reaction. The door was slightly ajar, about an inch, but for both men, it was an inch too much.

In the time that Nikita had spent in the house, both men found how paranoid she had become. It might have been because for the beginning, she did not have the strength and ability to protect herself, but it continued even as she got stronger. Nikita would have never forgotten to lock this front door, let alone, let it stay an inch ajar for more than a minute, and both men sprung to action.

Michael motioned his head to the side of the house, and Walter nodded his head. Michael waited until he was sure that Walter had pushed to the position in the back of the house before he pushed the tall white door inward. Michael silently stepped into the hallway and took one long breath before he walked around the door and pointed the gun into the living room.

Again, a split reaction took over Michael's body as he saw Nikita on the couch. She was curled up into a ball, rolling around in circles. Michael saw the shirt that Nikita tried to cover her body up as if it was a blanket. He was on his knees when he dropped the gun to the floor, unsure of what to do for thirty seconds until he saw Nikita's eyes staring straight at him, but with no a word, tear, or moan from her.

"Walter!" Michael hissed out into the tense air. Michael reached out to touch Nikita, but she pushed herself tighter into the ball she had created. Michael wondered how long Nikita had been like this as Walter rounded the corner. Michael heard the distinct clunk of Walter dropping his gun to the end table as Michael again, tried to reach out for Nikita.

"Nikita... please... talk to me." Michael said and again, there was no response from Nikita other than her obsessive motions of curling up into a tighter ball. Walter swallowed and took a position on his own old knees, trying to make contact with Nikita in the similar fashion as Michael moved to the corner of the room. Walter turned his head to view Michael, as he seemed to be watching something.

"Michael, whatcha got?" Walter demanded, as he could not take the suspense, yet Michael did not respond, and Walter waited. He was about to stand up himself when Michael slammed his hand into the wall in pure unadulterated anger.

"How dare he!" Michael murmured as he pushed his hand into his jacket pocket. Michael stepped away from Walter and the evidence that Michael had seen had become apparent. Walter was actually pleased that Michael had the sense of mind of having something like that installed, as Walter knew that Nikita's state of mind had been shaky this entire mission. Although Walter wanted to see what the tape held, he did not want to leave Nikita's side, even if she would not allow his touch.

There was a shock to Walter's system as Michael stepped out of the room, as he punched some numbers into the telephone quickly. Walter turned to Nikita and looked at her face, as it seemed to be struck with constant panic. That look made Walter's heart race in fear, and he knew he was going to need to control that, because Michael was not controlling his.

Walter had finally achieved being able to brush Nikita's hair out of her face when Michael stepped back into the room with his coat tightly around his body. Michael pushed the phone back into his jacket and looked at Walter.

"I have to step out for a while." Michael said and Walter lifted his eyes in horror of the statement. Walter stood up, and his knees cracked loudly and echoed in the room.

"You can't do that now, Michael! Are you nuts?" Walter demanded and Michael turned his head to the side.

"I must, Walter." Michael said and Walter shook his head in disbelief. He could not believe that Michael was just going to leave Nikita like this. Walter knew that he would stay with Nikita, but that was not the point, and Walter felt the anger fill his body until it finally spilled over.

"Look, Michael. Now is not the time to go for some passion-filled lust feast with your current hottie! Nikita has basically given up her whole god-damn life to raise Mia and to deal with the problems you have dumped onto her!" Walter hollered and Michael blinked his eyes but the emotion of fear was in Michael's eyes. Walter stopped, as he knew that the fear was not from his own words, that the fear was for Nikita.

"I can not explain, Walter. But this will help Nikita." Michael stated bluntly and Walter pressed his lips together. Walter had the answer to Nikita's problem and it all dealt with Michael. Michael was going to have to make up his mind and fast, it was Both Nikita and Mia or it was just Mia. Walter sighed as Michael walked out the door, knowing that for Michael, there was never an ultimatum for him, he did what he wanted, and Walter hoped that Michael wanted to help Nikita, and not to just make her back into a Section One machine.

*

Leanor sat in her car, rubbing the steering wheel compulsively as she stared out to the dark park that surrounded her. In the darkness, Leanor felt even more uncomfortable, and to her, the situation could not be any more difficult if she tried to make it.

"Dr. Westfall, I must speak with you." Michael said as Leanor picked her cell phone up as she sat in the restaurant, waiting for her hamburger to be served on an extra large plate. She was getting ready to pay that huge amount, just because she had the job that could allow her too, when the one voice she was trying to escape, came back.

"Can it not wait till the morning, Michael?" Leanor questioned, although she had heard the panic on his very first syllable. That did not fit with the picture that Leanor had gathered from Michael, and she knew he had a deep seeded fear of losing control.

"No. Meet me in Hyde Park in ten minutes." Michael ordered and slapped the phone off on his end.

Leanor looked at her watch again, seeing that the time had passed, and now she looked around the car, finding nothing good about what was occurring. She was afraid of what had occurred, and that had not happened in a long time.

"Never let them see that you don't think you can handle the situation. You must maintain control."

Leanor blinked as she recalled the words of her training. She had not thought of that period in her life for many years and it was when she was about to delve into more of those memories, that out of no where, Michael appeared in front of the car, showing the evidence that he had walked or rather, ran to the park. Leanor blinked her eyes and stepped out of the car carefully, keeping the engine running and the lights on.

"Where you followed?" Michael questioned and Leanor walked closer to Michael and raised an eyebrow. The question disturbed her to say the least.

"Never assume anything. Let the patient tell you everything."

"No, of course not, Michael. Why would you think that?" Leanor questioned and Michael turned around in a circle and then moved slowly into the light. Leanor could see the fear highlighting his eyes as he continued a hyper-vigilance at the area surrounding them.

"Nikita is not responding. I left her alone for a few hours and she has collapsed." Michael stated and Leanor blinked her eyes. She did not like the sounds of what Michael was saying, but again, she was relying about Michael's account of the events. There was no way she could see if this was as severe as Michael was saying it was, or if Michael was overreacting.

"I should see her, Michael." Leanor said and Michael started to shake his head as he ran a hand stiffly through his hair. She got drawn into watching the muscles of Michael's neck as he swallowed a few times.

"I cannot do that, Dr. Westfall." Michael said and Leanor shook her head in frustration. Sometimes it was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing but Nikita seemed to phase Michael.

"Never feel for the patient. That is a grave error. It emotional invests you, and if they fail, you fail."

"Then maybe you should find another therapist, Michael. I cannot to continue treatment in these kinds of conditions." Leanor said as she moved towards Michael. She saw that he looked like he was swimming in a pool filled with hungry sharks. Leanor was sure that no therapist in their right mind would continue on in the arrangement that she had been in for as long as she did.

"I can't believe you! I have Nikita, sitting in a rolled up ball, not talking, and moving away from all stimuli and you want to leave me!" Michael hollered in the night air and Leanor blinked her eyes as Michael's words and voice echoed clearly in the night air. She knew before that there had been problems when she drove to the park, but now Michael had totally disregarded all of the control he seemed hell-bent to maintain at all times.

"I don't understand what is going on, Michael. You have to explain. What happened!" Leanor answered back and she winced as she heard her own words echoing back at her. It had been a mistake and Leanor looked into Michael's eyes and suddenly felt a fear that she could not remember having.

"At no point do you verbally attack a patient. Hatred goes no where to healing."

"It's about her scar." Michael whispered out and Leanor felt as if the world had suddenly got a stop light and halted. Everything around her seemed to shift about, as if she was missing the entire context of what Michael was speaking about. She could not see how one scar could throw Nikita into this emotional whirlpool Michael was speaking about. Leanor could no longer form words as she stared at Michael, as she felt the air being sucked out of her lungs.

"Never take too long in responding."

"DAMNIT! Madeline said you were good! I thought she would at least know what she was talking about! DAMN!" Michael hollered as he vented his rage at the entire situation. Leanor instantly grabbed the side of her car and looked at Michael.

"Oh, my.... Your Section One." Leanor whispered out, as all of the memories and words flooded back to her. A world and a life that she had often thought as being separate from her came flooding back, along with the harsh reality that placed her into a fantasy. Leanor snapped out of her shock as Michael stepped back.

"Madeline said someone would come to seek my help. Michael, I am a level four operative." Leanor said and Michael gasped out, but he saw the shock on Leanor's own face.

"So, this Nikita doesn't really exist. You just want the information on Honus Breslove." Leanor continued as she felt the tear running to her face. The life that she had hoped that she could continue on in was falling apart in just a few minutes.

"No, Dr. Westfall. Nikita is real. My situation is real. I don't know how the rest of this falls into it, but we are on a mission for Honus Breslove." Michael said and Leanor turned her body and leaned onto the hood. She pushed her hands against her thighs and swallowed the pins that she felt were lining her throat.

"I've been his therapist for seventeen years, Michael. In that time, I've had a daughter. She is fourteen. I am expected to go back.... I can't live her, not tonight." Leanor said and Michael shifted his weight as it felt his own mind was baring the weight of the world three times over. Michael leaned his head back and fought easily at the urge to follow Section One standards.

"You'll have time, Dr. Westfall. Nikita can't survive in Section One like this. I need your help." Michael stated.

"Always focus on the goal of helping the patient. Never think of what you are going to be doing in the morning, or of the man you are going out with after the last appointment. Patient first, all the time, at all meetings."

"I'll give you something to sedate her for the evening. She needs to sleep." Leanor said as she pushed her body off of the cool car. She pulled the black bag out and fingered the medicines with her fingertips softly and then handed it to Michael. She knew that Michael would not have a problem with the syringe, now that she knew the partial truth. It also gave Leanor a whole new range of possibilities of what happened to Nikita. Now a scar meant so much more than just a scar.

"I will see you in the morning. We will sort things out then." Leanor said and Michael nodded his head and instantly meshed in with the surrounding bushes. Leanor blinked her tears back, but now seeing that she was alone, allowed them to fall. She had done the best to take what she had learned from Madeline and use it for her patients, but all else of Section One, she had pushed away. Leanor could not believe that after seventeen years of being out in the world being a therapist, they were going to drag her back in. She worried about her fourteen-year-old daughter and all of her patients. Leanor rubbed her hands together, knowing that she would do anything to stay with her daughter, even if it meant to fight.

*

Michael closed his eyes as he walked down the long street, trying to maintain a calmness that he was finding hard to control. There was no other way Michael could help Nikita, and Michael realized that he had to pull himself together. The cool air had numbed his body, but it did not numb his mind and his heart. Michael turned his head to look at the house, it had been his eight times he past the house, and now, Michael swallowed and turned up to the porch.

He crossed the grass and slowly pulled down his mask of stone, hoping that he would be able to protect his fragile mind from the image of Nikita he knew he would be seeing. Michael knew that Nikita could have not changed from that current state and he lightly rolled the syringe in the pocket around with his fingertips. He hoped that Nikita would understand why.

There was now light coming from the blind on the living room window and Michael paused before he took the stairs. Michael knew his situation, but did not admit it. He had to save Nikita from this demon inside of herself, because he could not live knowing that Nikita was hurting. Michael took the eight stairs, two at a time, and firmly opened the door.

"How is she?" Michael asked as he walked into the living room and looking down to Walter. Somehow, Nikita had moved from the couch to the corner of the living room. Michael blinked his eyes as Walter backed up, showing the wear of staying with Nikita in this state. Michael realized that Walter thought he was having an affair, and that somehow he would have to discuss that with Walter soon. He could not have Nikita thinking things that were so untrue.

"She would be a lot better if you weren't going to fix your libido problem!" Walter hissed out as he tugged at his ponytail sharply, as it had started to fall from the holder. Walter straightened his head and stared into Michael's cold gray-green eyes. Michael felt his pulse starting to soar, and realized that the moment with Walter was about to come, and it had too.

"I am not having an affair. I have been seeing a therapist about Nikita." Michael said calmly, sure that Nikita was not going to hear a word of what he was saying. Walter lifted an eyebrow, and then stepped back as he shook his head.

"Do you think that she is that bad to risk seeing an outside therapist?" Walter whispered, as if the statement had said placed everyone in the house in great danger. Michael knew that to discuss Walter how he was informed to go to Dr. Westfall would be a mistake for everyone involved, he knew that there was no danger, for now.

"Walter, you have seen Nikita. You have felt her shudder, and you see her now. I don't know what to do. I needed too." Michael said and Walter blinked his eyes a few times as he tried to form words. Michael brushed past Walter and looked down to Nikita's trembling body.

"Nikita...." Michael whispered out as he touched the top of her head. There was now no motion at all, just the continuing circling motion. Michael swallowed, as he had at least expected a reflex of fear or panic. He wondered where Nikita's mind was, and how he could get it back. Michael dropped his head and turned it slowly to look over his shoulder, knowing that his mask had easily been smashed away from his face.

"The therapist is a Section operative." Michael revealed, knowing that the questions in Walter's mind ranged from how much did Michael lie about Nikita to how much did Michael compromise Section One. Walter looked at Michael and moved closer to him.

"How? Madeline takes care of us." Walter stated almost bitterly and Michael knew that Walter had a chance to view the scene that caused Nikita's current catatonic emotional state.

"I cannot reveal that, Walter. Just take the information and accept it." Michael said softly as his attention flipped to Nikita as there was a sound that was coming from her covered mouth. Michael felt relief flood his entire heart and soul when he turned to find the two glistening tears running down the side of Nikita's flushed face. Michael reached out and touched Nikita's head, this time, getting a flinching from her entire body.

"Nikita... I am here...." Michael whispered and Nikita turned her head softly to look at Michael as he bent down to her side. Nikita turned it back to the hollow between her arms and the floor. Michael looked at Walter and gathered his coat.

"What are we going to do now? Why didn't you bring the therapist here?" Walter demanded and Michael looked at Walter as he pulled the syringe out. Walter stopped and turned his head, wishing that there was something else that could be done for Nikita immediately, but Walter was smart. It was the answer, to allow Nikita to gather sleep and rest, before facing the demons that took over her body currently.

"Nikita....." Michael whispered out again, as he did not want to give Nikita the drug yet. He touched her head again softly and rubbed the silky hair and found that Nikita did not jump away from his heavy touch. Michael waited as the neck moved in a jerky motion to look at Michael. Nikita's hands flailed up to her head and she gasped at the air.

"Make my mind stop, Michael. I can't stop it..." Nikita brokenly cried out in a voice that was hoarse from the silent screams that she had experienced and the lack of water in her system. Michael nodded his head sadly as he looked at Nikita. Needing to touch her, to express to Nikita that he was doing this out of love, he kissed the top of the blonde head before lining the syringe up with her upper arm.

Nikita turned her head to Michael and motioned with an up and down motion that she understood what Michael was ready to do for her and that it was what she wanted. Michael pressed down on the syringe and drained the medicine into her trembling body.

Michael held the contact with Nikita's eyes, even as they showed the immediate reaction to the medicine, and they started to look foggy and cloudy. Michael wiped at the tears as he nodded to Nikita, knowing that she needed the sleep.

"I'm going to be here, Nikita." Michael whispered out as her eyes fluttered towards the closed position that quickly took her body over. Michael leaned back on his heals and closed his eyes in horror of what Nikita had become. No one should suffer this much, and the person he loved and cherished, was. Michael knew that Section One was never fair, but this had gone beyond all the things that had happened to operatives in the past, and Michael was sure that was beyond anything that would be done to operatives in the future.

Michael sat in that living room, looking at Nikita's body on the floor, as Walter stepped out. He knew that it would be some time before Michael would drag his body up and take Nikita to bed. Walter moved to the kitchen to make some tea, feeling his own old nerves having been shot to hell and back again about six times. How he wished he were young like Michael, he would let Operations have a thing or two. Walter stared at the boiling water and sighed. Hell, he might have Operations have a thing or two.

*

"It was a mission seven years ago that created Mia. We were under orders to be a couple for Sanchez. He placed us into a room with one brick wall and four walls of glass. We were ordered to do as he wanted." Michael dryly said as he sat next to the window, staring out at the falling heavy rain. Michael's hand was on the windowsill, and his eyes never moved from away the street outside. He had left Nikita early in the morning with Walter as the medicine continued its effect on Nikita.

Leanor licked her lips as she sat in her chair, daring not to move, as it might bring Michael out of his current state. In revealing her associate to Section One, Leanor released Michael's story of Nikita's life, which Leanor was deeply interested in.

"Ordered?" Leanor whispered out into the cool air of the office as she curled her feet up underneath her body, waiting for the story to progress.

"The men told us what sexual acts to perform and we performed them. I forget how long we were in there, and how many times I was ready to give up on the situation. The men were not difficult on me, but yes, they were difficult on Nikita." Michael said as his eyes shifted from side to side. He slowly dropped it down before lifted it back to the same position it had been in at the beginning.

"Afterwards, there was a little problem with Nikita, and I was ordered to be with her. Then I was transferred to Hong Kong. She knew when I was leaving that she was pregnant, but she stayed quiet, not only to me, but most of Section. She found a way to protect Mia and myself." Michael portrayed the story in soft words that almost caused his own eyes to spill over with tears, but he knew how important all of this was for Nikita's well being.

"When you returned..." Leanor whispered gently out, as there was a pause in Michael's soft whisperings of the story of Nikita's life. She knew there were details that might be needed, but that was not of her concern now.

"I went to her apartment and saw Mia. When I saw Mia, I was sure that Nikita had fallen in love and had a good life. I didn't know the hell that she had paid in order to protect everything the way she deemed it. She was not going to tell me, until Mia got sick." Michael said as he raised the arm from the windowsill. His fingertips lightly grazed his chin before he sat it back down on the same spot he had lifted it from.

"Mia was taken by some terrorists, and when she came back, she needed a kidney. There were a lot of games, and Nikita was injured herself, and that was how I learned of my daughter. I didn't hesitate after I prepared a contingency plan for all of us. Things looked right, and I even took my daughter home to Nikita. That night, she left for the Lancing Ferris mission." Michael whispered out with much emotion expressing each word, as if each word was book in itself. Leanor tilted her head to the side and watched as Michael stared out the window.

"She spent I believe about a month in the arms of the abusive, sadistic, perverted, and terrorist Lancing Ferris. I still don't know all the details; all that I know is that he did everything to her. We never had a chance to directly talk about it, as Operations had taken Mia away from us while we were gathering Lancing up." Michael said as a shiver ran down his back. He remembered when he saw Nikita standing in Section One, screaming at him. Her body had been damaged then, and he was sure that it had been one of the tame times with Lancing.

"Things seemed to heal slowly. We were able to share a bed to literally sleep in, and Mia would often find her way into the bed. Yet, George blackmailed Nikita to leave for San Francisco. Nikita had expressed that she loved me, and I couldn't repeat it back. I didn't know there was a problem." Michael whispered out and dropped his head. Leanor waited as Michael wiped his eyes with both of his hands. In stunning strength, Michael pulled his head back up to look out the window, as the rain seemed to drop heavier now.

"Where there signs?" Leanor questioned when Michael had failed to continue with the story. Michael shook his head ever so slight from side to side, indicating no.

"On the books and in the tapes, she was performing Valentine mission after Valentine mission. They ended up being all faked. Every single one, Nikita had found a way to change the profile, so she didn't go through with an act. She couldn't even find the strength to kiss the targets any longer." Michael said and Leanor licked her lips. Nikita had been able to successfully maintain a cover for two years, and that was amazing. There was no easy task in front of Leanor, and she needed to know how Nikita lost that hold on her world.

"Madeline and Operations must have been disappointed in Nikita." Leanor commented and Michael snorted deeply as the words echoed in his head. It was a funny comment.

"They were in awe of her talent of creating the files and profiles and in awe that she carried it off for two years. They were also pleased, because they were able to demote her and keep her at Headquarters." Michael stated as he sadly smiled. It was one of the best things that he could remember from this entire fiasco, that Madeline and Operations wanted Nikita to stay at Headquarters, and that she proved to be more talented than they thought she was.

"I guess when she returned that was the downfall. She missed her daughter, and she visited me. Because she did this, George showed me a dubbed tape of Nikita with his son. I believed it, and it was because of the anger Nikita had towards me that I found out about the dubbed Valentine missions. She broke down." Michael whispered and then trailed off. He turned his head and looked at Leanor directly.

"She feel to her knees, crying. Yet there was a fight in her, to get back what she wanted. We might have made it if she had not gotten shot. There was a lot of pain in Nikita from everything, but we could have made it if she hadn't got shot. It weakened her, and she never liked not having strength and having to depend on others." Michael said as he held Leanor's coal eyes. She nodded her head and pulled her feet from underneath her. Michael turned his head and stood up slowly, stretching his tired body.

Leanor knew that Michael was giving her time to think about what he had said, and she had been thinking the entire time. She was thinking about how did Nikita survive this. She knew that all of this stemmed back to that last mission, and in some odd way, Mia might be reminding her of that mission. Leanor pushed that thought out of her mind, as she knew that Nikita had to love that daughter of hers. Leanor rolled her head around and met her eyes with Michael's again.

"What do I do?" Michael whispered and Leanor nodded her head, indicating that she had some suggestions. She motioned for Michael to take a seat again. Michael pulled it slightly away from the window and focused his gray-green eyes onto Leanor.

"First, I would like to see Mia having more contact with Nikita. I am sure that you can make it happen." Leanor said and Michael shrugged his shoulders. He had given Leanor an outline of the mission that she had unexplainably been tied into.

"It is the best thing for Nikita." Leanor whispered as she looked down at her board again. There had been a brief discussion about Nikita's childhood, and brief was the understatement of the entire session. Michael said to quote, "Bad. No real mother." Leanor looked at those words and looked at Michael, knowing that the next words would be difficult for Michael to accept, ever.

"Second thing would be that I would try to enhance the relationship between Nikita and Madeline...," Leanor said and the immediate protest flared from Michael's entire body as he jumped at the suggestion.

"No. Madeline always has motives. We don't want to give her more about Nikita to use against her." Michael stated firmly and Leanor pressed her lips together.

"Michael, I know Madeline. She is particularly maternal. I would use that. You have me to talk to, but Nikita right now has no one. Give her what she needs and I am sure that Madeline would be more than pleased to do as suggested." Leanor said and Michael continued to shake his head. Leanor looked at the chart and then to Michael again. She could no longer keep formal notes on Michael, but she needed them for reference.

"If she had never had a mother, hopefully a motherly relationship can held heal those scars, Michael." Leanor said and Michael swallowed, as he did not want to admit that she had a very valid point. Madeline had been the one that sent Michael to Leanor to start with. If Madeline did not care at all, she would have sent Michael on this mission with no advice on how to handle Nikita.

"There has to be more." Michael said and Leanor nodded her head and licked her lips. She slowly shifted in her seat and looked at Michael.

"I would try to get this mission over as quickly as possible, and establish a home with Nikita. I don't want you pushing her, but gently nudging her to more contact is advisable." Leanor commented as she felt as if she was running down a checklist of things to do for Nikita.

"Will I know if she is getting better?" Michael questioned out in a clearer voice than he had spoken with during the entire session.

"You should. It will happen suddenly. Nikita will decide for herself, Michael." Leanor said as she sat the chart down to the side of the desk. She folded her hands on top of the desk and looked at Michael.

"There is one other thing, Michael. You must face this guilt you are feeling." Leanor said and Michael's hair rippled a he shook his head back and forth in that classic "no "shake that Leanor had identified as a signature Michael gesture.

"Michael...." Leanor said and Michael defensively stood up and began to pace.

"I am concerned. I am not feeling guilty. Section did this to Nikita." Michael said and Leanor smiled and pulled her body up to levelly face Michael. Leanor knew that it would be a long process of getting Michael to admit that he felt guilt for Nikita's current position. Let alone face the guilt head on.

"Michael, you feel it. You feel that you should have never left for Hong Kong. That you missed something that you should have seen. You have to know that if Nikita didn't want anyone to see something, that it also meant you." Leanor said and Michael shook his head and lifted his arm.

"I should get back. Nikita should be waking up." Michael abruptly said as he dropped his arm. Leanor sighed and rolled her shoulders back. She was sure that Michael would be back soon enough and watched as Michael moved out the door. Leanor pushed her hair back and sighed.

Madeline had trained her and for Madeline to know the pain that Nikita was in was unprofessional in Leanor's mind. Leanor had to stop herself, and reminded her memory that Madeline did not have to be professional. Yet, Leanor thought she knew Madeline better than that. Madeline was maternal, and is probably feeling as guilty as Michael did right now, if not even guiltier.

"Count your blessings if you help just one person. It becomes a small success for all the large work and effort."

Leanor closed her eyes as she heard the words over again. She shook her head and picked up a picture of her daughter before looking at the picture of Nikita that Michael had given her. She would count her every blessing if Michael and Nikita survived this.

*

Michael opened the door and looked into the living room. The image from the night before was still burned into his head. He needed sleep himself, but not until he was sure that things could be handled. Michael still found it hard that he took the pills that Leanor had ran out to him, thinking that both Michael and Nikita needed a chance to sleep off the effects of emotional days.

Michael moved down the hallway to the kitchen, and was surprised to see Nikita sitting on the bench staring out of the window that was allowing the light in. Michael dropped the keys on the table and Nikita picked her head up slowly to focus on Michael. Michael lowered his head and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I thought you would still be asleep." Michael commented and Nikita sipped at her tea lightly and then sat it down on the table. She looked absolutely miserable as she fought to maintain a face without a tear on it as she looked at Michael.

"I had a nightmare two hours ago. You weren't here." Nikita commented firmly and Michael nodded his head as he pulled chair up to the bench that Nikita was sitting on. He looked around and then paused to look at Nikita. If Nikita looked this bad, he didn't want to see what he looked like.

"Where is Walter?" Michael questioned and Nikita looked to her cup of tea and lightly swirled it with her hand. Michael waited until Nikita lifted her head and looked to the wall.

"He is getting some sleep in the guest room." Nikita commented and Michael nodded his head and tried to stretch the tiredness out of his body. He didn't even feel Nikita's eyes staring at his body until he looked down at her.

"Michael... I don't know what happened last night. I should have expected something like that to happen. I am sorry to disappoint you in my behavior." Nikita softly said as she moved her eyes far away from Michael. Michael reached out and touched her head softly.

"No reason to be sorry for that." Michael said in a whispered and Nikita pulled her head away. She looked at Michael and the tears began to flow down her face.

"Am I ugly?" Nikita questioned and Michael stepped back shaking his head. He could not believe he heard those words coming out of Nikita's mouth. He poured the coffee down the drain and turned to Nikita.

"Of course not!" Michael exclaimed loudly, but the tears continued to flow, as Nikita pulled her knees up to her chest carefully. Michael saw her entire body teetering on the bench and wished he could hold her.

"Then why do you leave me? Who have you found?" Nikita cried out and Michael moved to Nikita and tried to reach for her. Nikita defensively raised her left hand in front of her body and turned her face from Michael's touch. Michael stepped back and looked at Nikita.

"I'm not." Michael said and Nikita shook her head from side to side. Michael was sure that she was running with whatever emotions came running into her mind, but Michael could not blame her on these ones.

"You run out of here so quickly, Michael. This morning... you saw her... you are in love with someone else. Please don't hurt me like this." Nikita moaned out and Michael squatted down to look at Nikita's eyes directly.

"Nikita, I am seeing a therapist. Her name is Leanor Westfall. I am seeing her for you." Michael said and Nikita shook her head and then lifted her hand to her chin. Michael saw the pain in her eyes but also saw a sparkle of relief behind the pain. Michael sighed and rolled his aching head around in a large circle.

"How can she help us, Michael? You have to lie to her about what has happened to me!" Nikita cried out and Michael nodded his head. He reached out and touched Nikita's arm softly.

"She is on a deep cover mission for Section One. She has been a therapist for Honus Breslove for over seventeen years, Nikita." Michael said and Nikita sucked in some air and stared at Michael. Her bottom lip began to tremble as Walter walked into the room, rubbing his day old stubble on his chin.

"Nikita, let Michael take care of you." Walter whispered softly and Nikita reached her arms out for Michael. Michael slowly approached her and felt the crushing hug that Nikita administered to him. Michael looked to Walter and dropped his head. He was pleased at the progress made, but knew that both of them needed some rest.

Nikita sat back from the hug and Michael could see Nikita going through the pros and cons of participating in the hug. Michael pulled the bottle out and showed it to Walter.

"I'll stay here and hold down the fort. You two need some sleep." Walter commented and Michael reached out for Nikita's hand. Although she had slept most of the night, she was worn out from the hours the emotional distressed caused by Operations' hands. Michael would sort through the entire mess later, when he had some sleep. He led Nikita up to the bedroom, and quickly, the two feel asleep in their current clothes, with Michael protectively holding Nikita.

Walter walked down the stairs and looked around the room. He would wait the four hours for the two operatives, his friends, to gather their strength. Then he had business to attend too.

*

Nikita rolled her head to the side as the sunlight warmed her skin. She tugged the hat tightly onto her head, feeling no need to see the sun right now. She turned her eyes to the hedges that she was trimming, which bordered their backyard and Honus Breslove's backyard. Nikita sighed and slowly used her good arm to open and close the clippers.

Nikita had been sent out by Walter to clip the hedges, as he claimed it was for therapy. At first, Nikita was sure that it was a ploy to get Nikita to meet Honus Breslove, but he was no where in sight. Then Nikita saw Walter pacing outside until Michael arrived back. Nikita had paused as he watched Michael and Walter move to the upstairs room and close the blinds. Nikita turned back to her work then.

That was about ten minutes ago, and Michael had again, just left. Nikita hoped that he brought Mia back with him, as he did last night. She smiled as she clipped at the stubborn sticks of the hedge with the thoughts of Mia dancing for her. Mia called it her get-well dance for her mother. Nikita tried not to laugh when Mia told her how her Pappa helped create it. Although hearing Operations being called that still bothered Nikita, it was a mental image that kept a smile on Nikita's face even into this day.

Nikita stood up on her tiptoes and the clippers feel out of her hands and onto the other side of the hedges, into Honus Breslove's yard. Nikita rolled her eyes up and then dropped her head as she trudged to the fronts of the house. She would just have to get the clippers and hope that Honus Breslove would finally speak to her.

The doorbell chirped lightly as Nikita pressed her finger against the bell. She looked at the door and was surprised when it was quickly answered. Honus Breslove was a handsome man for his age, his hair was graying slowly, and made him look distinguished. Nikita rubbed her good arm against her thigh and smiled at Honus Breslove, conscious of the little amount of mud on her clothes.

"I'm Nikita from next door. I dropped my clippers on your side of the hedge." Nikita said and Honus smiled at Nikita broadly as he extended his right arm. Nikita looked at the arm and slowly looked to her arm. It took some time, but amazingly, the arm decided to work for her. It was after their hands had broken that Honus looked at Nikita and shook his head.

"That's right, you hurt your arm... I am so sorry." Honus Breslove said and Nikita shrugged both shoulders and looked down to her feet. She just wanted to get the clippers, but knew that this opportunity could be messed up. Honus stepped back from the door and motioned for Nikita to enter.

"I'm Honus. I didn't mean to spy on your business, but I just noticed that things were odd at your house." Honus said as he led Nikita through the spotless house. Nikita looked up and wished that the house they were living in looked like this right now, as Michael was gone a lot and Nikita couldn't stop the physical and emotional pain she was going through in check. Walter had even told the doctors that Nikita was losing physical gains due to emotional problems. Nikita knew it, but she could not stop it.

"Oh, it is only for my recovery. My daughter is staying with my parents." Nikita said with a smile as Honus stopped and looked around. He looked to Nikita and motioned to a chair. He pulled the hat off of Nikita's head and looked into her eyes.

"Why don't you sit down? I think you are overdoing yourself, you look flushed. I will go get the clippers and I will finish them." Honus said and Nikita blinked and sat down. The inside of the house was nothing like what she had expected it to be like. She used her good hand to push her hair back, finding the house cooling her warm skin. She didn't realize how tired she was until she sat down.

Nikita's eyes briefly closed as she fought off a trembling fear as she looked around. She quickly noted that Honus Breslove had a picture of Lancing Ferris. Nikita swallowed back the fear and turned her head back towards the sound of an opening door. Nikita stared down the hallway until Honus Breslove appeared with the clippers hanging in his pocket as he carried two glasses of ice tea. Nikita smiled and took the glass with her good hand.

"Thank you, you don't need to do this. I am fine." Nikita said and Honus sat down next to Nikita in the little table in the hallway and laughed lightly. It was a nice laugh that Nikita found easy to smile too.

"No problem. Actually I have been meaning to go see you and your husband, but he has been in and out a lot of late." Honus said and Nikita smiled and nodded her head. She had brought up the issue with Michael, that Honus might catch on Michael's odd schedule of absences.

"Well, our daughter hasn't been taking living with her grandparents too well when she isn't over the house with me." Nikita said with a smile after she had taken a soft sip of the ice tea. Nikita smiled as the liquid quenched a thirst she did not realize that she had.

"I was going to see if you wanted to use my pool for therapy. I only had it for my daughter, and I don't see her any longer." Honus said and Nikita lifted her eyebrow as she stopped taking the sip of the cool liquid. She didn't know that Honus Breslove had a daughter.

"You have a daughter? I didn't realize you did." Nikita said and then she turned her head. She made a controlled blush and looked up at Honus.

"You have to understand, I haven't been able to get out a lot." Nikita stated and Honus laughed broadly, bringing a smile to Nikita's face again. He reached into his pocket and opened a wallet.

"It seems as if we both have been watching each other." Honus commented as he flipped through some pictures and then stopped on a beautiful teenaged daughter and an older woman. Nikita smiled and looked at Honus.

"I didn't know you had a wife either." Nikita commented and Honus folded the wallet up sadly and looked at Nikita. He sipped his ice tea and turned to look at his wall.

"I never married her. She didn't want too, and about a year ago, she thought it was best that my daughter stopped seeing me." Honus informed Nikita and she blinked. She had been separated from Mia in the past, but she could not stand it if Michael had told her it was better that she didn't see her. It felt that way now when Madeline led Mia away from the house, usually in tears.

"I'm sorry. I know how it is to be away from a child. I spent a long time in the hospital." Nikita whispered out and Honus nodded his head as he reached out for a nearby desk. He moved a few papers and handed the article to Nikita. Nikita turned her head as she remembered Madeline showing it to her. It was their cover, that Nikita protected a young child in a park that had gotten stuck in a swing during a drive by. Nikita closed her eyes and looked to Honus.

"I don't like to think about that." Nikita said and Honus smiled, as he was sure that Nikita as the woman. The police had never identified the woman, as she was a Good Samaritan and a hero, and they respected her wishes. When he first saw Nikita, he knew from the injuries that she showed and the weakness that she exhibited, that she was this woman. He was fascinated in her, and found what she had done an act of god.

"I didn't mean to bring back bad memories." Honus admitted as Nikita pushed herself up with her good arm and looked towards the front door.

"Does your offer stand about the pool?" Nikita questioned and Honus smiled and nodded his head. He laughed and looked to Nikita.

"As long as your therapist continued to park the motorcycle in your driveway." Honus said as he led Nikita to the front door. Nikita looked down at the clippers and Honus shook his head.

"I won't have you doing them. They are my hedges too. I will take care of them." Honus said as he opened the door for Nikita. Nikita smiled and stepped out onto the porch. She looked over to the driveway and saw Madeline walking up towards the porch. Nikita sighed and looked to Honus.

"She didn't bring Mia." Nikita said sadly and trudged off of the porch. She knew that Honus took her new state as being upset that Mia was not with her mother, while Nikita wanted to know why Madeline was doing there, and what she had come to hurt Nikita with this time.

*

"Hello, sweetie." Madeline said as she reached out to Nikita and kissed her cheek softly. Madeline looked into Nikita's eyes and swallowed. She had not been over to the house since the incident with Operations, while Operations had persistently showed every day. Madeline did not want to be associated with the pain that Operations had caused.

"Hello, mother." Nikita said with a cracking voice. Madeline smiled over Nikita's shoulder at Honus Breslove that was watching them. Nikita looked up at Madeline and took a long breath.

"I dropped the clippers. I had to go get them. Instead, I got an offer to use a pool for treatment." Nikita informed Madeline as they started up the stairs. Madeline tilted her head as Honus stepped back into his large house. This would make Operations very pleased, and maybe now she could defuse some of the pressure on this mission. Things were falling together.

"Where is Michael?" Madeline whispered as she pulled the door open for Nikita. Nikita stepped into the house and continued to stay quiet. Nikita swallowed back the pain and the tears that she was feeling. How she ached to turn around and punch Madeline for what she allowed Operations to do. Nikita stepped forward and placed a sweater over her body, as she suddenly felt cold.

"Nikita, where is Michael?" Madeline questioned and Nikita turned her head lightly and stared into Madeline's eyes. Madeline could not believe how accurate Michael was in his description of Nikita was. She pushed back those thoughts as she looked at Nikita.

"No here." Nikita rudely commented after some time. Nikita reached out for the banister and stepped up a few stairs before turning to look at Madeline.

"I would rather be alone for a while." Nikita stated firmly and Madeline looked at Nikita. She did not want Nikita to push her away. Not after she had made contact with Honus Breslove.

"Nikita, we should talk about what is going to occur with Honus..."

"No. Everything is set up for the profile. Now, please, I need some rest." Nikita said as she turned and walked up the stairs, not caring if Madeline stayed or left. That was up to Madeline to make that decision and she could watch the television either in this house or somewhere else.

Madeline walked into the living room and looked about. She had heard the argument between Walter and Operations a few days back, informing him how bad Nikita was. Madeline looked to the corner and frowned. She could see why Nikita would go to that corner and she leaned her head back.

"It has been suggested that Nikita needs someone...." Michael slowly said as he paced in the office with Madeline watching her. He stopped to the plants and looked at them.

"Like a gardener." Michael whispered and Madeline tilted her head to the side. There had been no specifics of what had been said about Nikita's emotional healing, but Madeline saw immediately what Michael was driving at.

"Like a mother?" Madeline innocently questioned, knowing that the answer was already yes. She waited as Michael's head dropped. It had to be difficult for Michael to even suggest it, but there must have been a strong argument for the suggestion.

"Yes. Like a mother." Michael repeated in a hushed tone that barely got past Michael's lips, let alone to Madeline's ears. Madeline dropped her head, already feeling guilty for what had occurred. She could not believe that Michael had not caught on that she had been trying from the time that any operative came into Section One, to be their mother. Nikita had fought it the most, because of the pain and torture her own biological mother had done to her. Madeline swallowed and nodded her head.

"That is a good suggestion. Where did it come from?" Madeline questioned and Michael turned around and looked at Madeline.

"You keep the plants tended too, and Mia seems happy. I just concluded that it might be added into the duty of the profile." Michael said slowly, checking each word before they were said to make sure nothing more was revealed in the walls of Section One.

"I will reach for her, Michael. But not to be the person to give you the bad news, I might not be able to reach her." Madeline said and Michael looked at Madeline and licked his lips.

"You will in time." Michael said and left quickly. Madeline stared at the wall for some time until she blinked her dry eyes and focused elsewhere. She was almost afraid that she would fail as Nikita's biological mother had.

Madeline turned out of the living room and walked up the same stairs that Nikita had slowly ascended. Madeline rushed up them and turned the corner and looked into the open door of the bathroom. Nikita was holding a brush to her hair, staring at the mirror. There was no movement and Madeline walked into the bathroom and took the brush out of Nikita's hair.

"You know, Nikita, people do care for you." Madeline stated as she reached out and tenderly brushed at Nikita's already shining blonde hair. Nikita trembled lightly and continued to stare into her own eyes in the mirror. Madeline looked to the mirror and frowned. It would be easier if Nikita hated her and screamed at her, or if Nikita broke down and cried, but Nikita was holding strong.

"I am here if you ever need to talk." Madeline whispered out and Nikita flinched at the words. Madeline reached out with her other hand and rubbed Nikita's neck softly. There was so much tension in the girl, that all the failing reports from Walter made perfect sense. She would have to change the emotional assessment on Nikita to match what she was seeing.

"I can even be your mother, Nikita. I want to be that for you." Madeline said softly, showing all the emotion in her voice. There were just some times when the person came before the operative. Nikita had paid enough in Madeline's eyes and it was time that she got back some of what was hers.

"No." Nikita firmly stated as her head began to drop down, her defensive shield weakening. Madeline brushed her hair a few more times. Madeline could argue that she would make a good mother but that would get Madeline no where.

"I can be your friend, Nikita. You can talk to me." Madeline said and Nikita pulled away briefly and closed her eyes.

"Not you." Nikita whispered out in a choked up voice. Madeline pulled the brush away as she looked at Nikita's face, reading into it.

"You don't want me to be what, Nikita?" Madeline whispered and Nikita dropped her head all the way down to her chest, fighting to keep the tears back in her eyes. Madeline leaned back and sucked in the air as she looked at Nikita.

"Oh, Nikita... you want a mother." Madeline realized as Nikita's entire body shook out. Madeline sighed inside herself, knowing that Nikita desperately wanted a mother. She wasn't sure that Nikita could have ever admitted that, and Nikita now lifted her head. She looked off to the side and directly at Madeline.

"You won't be my mother. Now leave." Nikita said through clenched teeth. Madeline looked into Nikita's eyes, seeing that she was so close to wrapping her young arms around Madeline and crying. Madeline stayed and then turned to leave.

Madeline could hear the sobs as she walked down the stairs and she trembled herself, knowing Nikita's pain. To never have a mother is a crime, and to Nikita, she never did. She had a person who produced her, and nothing else. There was no nurture in the equations of what made Nikita. Madeline paused at the door and looked up to the upstairs. Nikita would have been a remarkable woman with just a little bit of nurture, because nature almost made her too good.

*

"Michael, if you aren't willing to work on your own issues in this entire mess made by Section, then I suggest you go home." Leanor said and Michael looked at Leanor and rubbed his chin softly.

"We have issues to discuss, Dr. Westfall." Michael's voice shook with a coldness that Leanor had not heard since she was trained over twenty years ago.

"Michael, call me Leanor." Leanor said and Michael looked into her eyes. Leanor trembled with fear, like the coldness that she had first felt when Michael entered her office. Things were only now making slight sense to Leanor, and she knew what Michael wanted to know.

"Dr. Westfall, I need to know your involvement in Section One. It is directly linked to my mission." Michael said and Leanor sighed and shook her head.

"Your mission is from Madeline. It isn't to take down Honus Breslove, Michael. It is to heal Nikita." Leanor sharply said as she pushed her hands through her hair. She pulled her hands down and looked at them as they sat in the painful silence.

"If Madeline wanted that, she would have made the connection to Nikita. Nikita pushed her away." Michael responded and Leanor closed her eyes. Sometimes, Michael took every event in life as one cause and one effect. Sometimes, Michael bothered Leanor to no end with this simplistic way of looking at life. Sometimes, Leanor wished that life could be that easy. Yet, Michael was able to grasp that for Nikita, there were many causes of what happened to her, and all of them combined caused this one effect.

"Michael, I am only going to discuss my mission with you, if you discuss your feelings on what has happened." Leanor said and Michael blankly stared at Leanor. Inside of that steel exterior, was a bowl of quivering gelatin. It was all right to talk about Nikita's emotions and how he loved her, but everything else had to be avoided. Now, Michael knew that he was trapped.

"Michael, as I have said every day now, Nikita's healing is directly linked to your own emotions. If you pity her, she isn't going to heal." Leanor said firmly and Michael lifted his head and swallowed. He tilted the head to the side in defeat, but the words almost didn't tumble out of his mouth. He could have sprinted out of the door, as he was sure that Nikita could heal without him facing these emotions. Yet, Michael could not take the chance that she wouldn't.

"I will try, Dr. Westfall." Michael stated in short words. Leanor softly nodded her head as she had a feeling of victory in a sense, and feeling vulnerable in another way.

"My mission is and has been to gather information on Honus Breslove through his therapy. When I met him, he was having some difficulties." Leanor said with a half cough, allowing Michael to know that Honus Breslove's problems were sexual in nature.

"Now, Michael, you feel guilt for the Sanchez mission." Leanor said and Michael flinched. He hated that word, guilt. It wasn't what he felt, or at least, not all that he felt.

"I could have gotten someone else to take Nikita's place." Michael stated and Leanor shook her head. She didn't buy Michael's quick reason for the life of her.

"Michael, I can tell you anything about Honus Breslove and what my seventeen years posing as a therapist have been like, and it will be the truth. You could try using the truth with me." Leanor firmly stated as she pulled her chair closer to the desk, looking into Michael's eyes with an intensity that she once swore never to use again. It was a look that she needed for Section, and Leanor knew as soon as Michael saw it, that there would be no doubt of her time and exposure to Section One.

"I regret it... every moment. Because it wasn't out of love, and this is the only reason I should have ever touched Nikita." Michael said softly with a barely trembling bottom lip. Leanor nodded her head and rubbed her eyes. She had seen his pain all this time, and Leanor was sure that Michael never thought it showed.

"I had a daughter... she is fourteen now, and I have been dreading this day, Michael. I don't know what is going to happen to her, and I definitely don't want her inside Section." Leanor said and Michael rubbed his chin softly, finding some relief in not focusing the entire time with his emotions.

"They must know of her." Michael said and he watched as Leanor's graying hair moved with her head as she nodded yes. She looked so much older now than she did a few weeks ago.

"Madeline sent a card to me when she was born. It has been the only contact with Section One until now. Some days, I could even pretend that Section One never happened to me, Michael. But it's back there... always in my mind." Leanor said and Michael turned his head. He had gotten that perspective when he brought back Nikita into the darkness of Section One, and he realized then, that Section One made the darkness never go away from a person. It was a way they controlled you.

"Michael.. Just tell me what you are feeling. Tell me it all." Leanor begged out as she watched his eyes. It was like his mind was working everything out, but that never helped. The words needed to be spoken. Once spoken, anything could be understood.

"Nikita was free for a while, but she couldn't escape the darkness Section had caused her soul. She didn't have a place in the world and she didn't have a place in Section." Michael whispered out in almost a whimper.

"She had a place with you." Leanor stated in a deep voice. Leanor was stunned as Michael instantly began to nod his head.

"She always had a place with me. That's why I shouldn't have allowed it to happen." Michael said, still in an intense whisper that she was sure that Michael might have never used in his life. Leanor folded her legs up underneath herself and looked to Michael.

"What shouldn't have you allowed?" Leanor questioned after a few moments of silence. She was always scared that if Michael stayed silent for too long, that all forward movement made in his case would be lost.

"That I didn't want to be with her. I survived the Sanchez mission..... Knowing that I loved her.... The least I could have done was to take that pain away from her.... To know that I was not only making love to her in that room because it was under orders, but because I love her." Michael said as the emotions swelled over and out of his voice, exposing a broken voice that Leanor jumped at. Michael's head dropped quickly down as she heard a sound she never expected from Michael, deep sobs of pain and tears. Leanor jumped up and rounded the desk.

It would go against all of her training that Madeline had given her, but this was not a normal case, no one in Section One was a normal case. Leanor threw her arms around Michael, hugging him tightly as he cried like she was sure that he rarely did, and then rarely did for the right reasons.

"She has all this pain now......" Michael cried out as he entire body trembled as if he was giving birth to his grief. Leanor tugged him tightly into her arms; beckoning Michael to continue is words and his outrage at himself. It was the only way things could get better. Leanor knew that Nikita could see Michael's guilt on his face, and until that was gone, Nikita was living in fear of what Michael was feeling guilty for.

"Because I couldn't say it to her then! All I needed to say was 'Kita... I love you.... And then, Madeline and Operations wouldn't have sent us on that mission... They wanted her to break.. And it has taken seven years... for the memories to eat her life and soul apart.... And she has... I BROKE HER!" Michael cried out as tears started to flow from Leanor's own eyes. She had to wait for Michael to tumble himself all the way down, before she could build him back up. She held onto him tightly, holding him, knowing that soon, the real healing could begin for the entire relationship.

*

"Mom!" Mia gleefully screamed as she ran into the house, charging towards her mother at full force. Nikita smiled and turned to her good side, and allowed her daughter to climb up her body to her neck. Nikita smiled as she rocked back and forth, finding the simplest peace holding her daughter.

Each day it had become harder to let Madeline or Operations to take her away from Nikita's arms. Nikita even resorted to begging a few times, but there was no change in the status of Mia, because of the on going mission. Yet, the time that Mia was spending was extending and made Michael's profound absence in the house not as noticeable, but not forgotten.

"Who brought you?" Nikita questioned as she sat her tall daughter down. Mia smiled and tapped her feet on the ground a little bit. Nikita narrowed her eyes, not liking the game her daughter was playing.

"Hey, sugar... maybe we'll have therapy outside?" Walter called out as he entered the front door, holding a bag of Mia's toys in one hand as he clomped down the hallway noisily. Nikita looked to Mia and then to Walter.

"Walter, you came on your motorcycle?" Nikita questioned and Mia started to jump up and down, pulling at Nikita's shirt.

"Mom, it is so great! The air rushing against your body... being one with the air... I loved it!" Mia happily chirped and Nikita nodded her head as she stared at Walter. Walter dropped his head as he dug into the bag of Mia's toys.

"Mia... why don't you go show your mom your new Barbie doll?" Walter questioned and Nikita turned her head to the side. Walter kept his eyes away from Nikita as Mia grabbed the bag and rummaged through to pull out the new doll that Nikita was sure someone had bought her.

"We are going to talk about that, Walter. I don't want her on the motorcycle." Nikita said firmly and Walter nodded his head as Mia pushed the doll up into Nikita's face. Nikita took the doll with her left hand and examined it. It had long blonde hair and black tight clothing. Nikita raised an eyebrow to Walter, but his back was turned around.

"Did Uncle Walter buy this for you, Mia?" Nikita questioned as she handed the doll back to her. Mia shook her head no, and spun around in a circle. Nikita licked her lips and waited for Mia to answer.

"Grandma did... when we were at the toy store... that is Spy Doll Barbie! Isn't she neat?" Mia said happily as she showed the ropes that were hanging around the Barbie doll's waist. Nikita was in shock that there was such a Barbie doll and she barely nodded her head up and down. Walter turned back around and shrugged his shoulders.

"I bumped into Madeline at the toy store.. Getting something for your therapy.... And she said she had a few things to gather before heading over here. I decided you wouldn't mind the five minute ride on the motorcycle because it would mean an extra two hours with your daughter." Walter said and Nikita nodded her head as Walter walked past her. She did not believe this line of bullshit for anything. Nikita followed Walter as he walked into the backyard, with Mia running to the swing set, and sliding down the slide quickly.

"But it was more than five minutes, correct?" Nikita asserted and Walter shrugged his shoulders with a devilish smile on his face. Nikita shook her head and moving towards Walter as he pulled something out. Nikita looked at the jump rope and turned her head. She blinked her eyes as the memories flooded to her quickly.

"Ni-kit-ta... doesn't... know... how... to.. Jump.. Rope... Stupid... Ni... kit... ta... Stupid... Ni... kit... ta... Her.. mother... likes... all... the.. men... and... hates... stupid.. Ni...kit.. ta.... Stupid... Ni.. kit.. ta... She.. counts... one... three... six... five... two.. four... stupid.. Ni... kit... ta... Stupid... Ni... kit... ta..." The girls jumping rope next to the school would chant out, one word for each jump. Nikita would stand on the other side of the fence, trying not to pay attention to the girls having their joy.