“I knew this would be difficult for Michael, but we still have six months to evaluate his mental status and to polish his attitude. I don’t think there will be a problem. His physical wounds aren’t serious. If fact, he will probably be allowed to go home tomorrow. Being at home with Nikita should take care of the rest. She was in much the same state, if you remember, after her test mission. She managed, and she will be able to help him as well.” Madeline’s serene demeanor never faltered. She was always positive that she knew how everyone would respond in every situation. After all, that was her job.

“What about the second phase of your plan?” he asked.

“That will begin shortly, under the guise of seeing me for therapy after the mission. Once he is comfortable in my presence, I will initiate that phase.” Madeline said with a smiling determination, that left Operations no doubt that Michael would become a Valentine operative. He personally thought she was making a mistake, but he would allow her the leeway to discover it for herself.

*************

Nikita paced the hall outside MedLab as the surgeon attended to Michael’s wound. She was more concerned about his state of mind than about his physical wound. She had seen many recruits come back from their ‘test’ mission and had never seen anyone as devastated as Michael appeared to be. She had seen more recruits come back with a swagger in their step, but she knew Michael was different and always had been. He was a true innocent who had blundered his way into Section One.

Even she had not been innocent of the crime that brought her to be recruited by Section One. She had often wondered why Michael had not pressed her about how she came to be in Section, once he had learned the recruitment requirements. He had asked once, but he never had again insisted she answer. Nikita thought bitterly of the brutal rapist set free by the justice system. At the age of eighteen she had hunted her rapist down and killed him in cold blood. Life in prison had been her reward. Now Section One was her prison, as well as Michael’s.

More than anything, she wondered at the circumstances of his injury and the deaths of his team members. What had happened on the test mission? What kind of fiendish test had Jurgen and Madeline devised to test Michael’s worthiness to be an operative, and why so soon?

Nikita whirled on her heel and strode down the hall to Madeline’s office. Madeline looked up as Nikita entered and waited for her to speak. Nikita crossed her arms in front of her body as she paced around the cave-like office, but she seemed to have difficulty getting started.

“How’s Michael?” Madeline asked, although she knew his condition down to the last stitch used to close his wound.

Nikita looked at Madeline with fire blazing in her blue eyes. “Michael’s fine. I want to know why he was sent on a test mission so early in his training, and I want to know what the mission profile was,” she demanded heatedly.

“Nikita, there is no reason I owe you any explanation of our training decisions, but I will take into account your previous service here and your emotional connection to Michael and explain what the plan was. Michael was sent on a primarily surveillance mission with two abeyance operatives, Davis and Sharon. They were both separately instructed to cancel Michael along with the other operative. This was a test to see if Michael would number one: defend himself and two: kill two operatives that he had come to know on surveillance the two previous nights. Obviously, Michael was able to do both. The mission was a success.” Madeline looked at Nikita with brown eyes would brook no disagreement.

Nikita’s breath came rapidly, as she tried to maintain control over her mouth. “No. Thank you. That’s all.” Nikita started to leave, then turned and started to yell, “My ‘emotional connection’ is my husband and the father of my child, and don’t you ever forget it!”

Madeline sent Nikita a look that would have stunned many a male operative. “That will be all, Nikita. You may go now.”

Nikita whirled and left Madeline’s office, and as she strode down the hall, her fellow operatives gave her a wide berth. She hesitated as she reached MedLab and took three deep cleansing breaths in order to calm her mind. The sent him out on a suicide mission with two abeyance operatives--both of whom had orders to kill him and each other. It was incredible what Section One did to its operatives. She knew she had been more fortunate that most, but this was the worst thing they had ever done to her.

Gathering courage and equanimity, Nikita opened the door and went to Michael’s side. He was sleeping, or at least appeared to be. As she raised his free hand to her lips and kissed it, his eyes opened quickly. He shut them again as quickly.

“Michael, it’s me, Nikita. Don’t shut me out. You can get through this. I did, and you can too.” Michael’s eyes remained shut as Nikita continued to plead. “You’ve got to snap out of it, Michael. They could still cancel you. Please, don’t leave me, not now.”

Michael opened his eyes, but they were blank. Nikita shivered as she saw that he looked through her. Nikita quickly made a decision. She couldn’t wait till tomorrow to take him home. She was taking him home tonight. He had to connect with the familiarity of home and Nikki. She had to get him home quickly. “Nancy, I’m taking him outta here now. Disconnect all this crap, give me what I need to take care of him, and get outta my way.”

“Nikita, really, don’t do this. He should stay here, where we can observe him,” Nancy protested, but she knew Nikita was going to do whatever Nikita wanted to do.

“If he stays here any longer, he’s not going to make it.” Nikita proclaimed.

“Nikita, his wounds are not that bad. He’s going to be fine,” Nancy protested again.

“That’s not what I mean, Nancy. I mean emotionally. He needs to be at home, and he needs to be there now.” Nikita’s air of desperation was contagious. Nancy quickly removed his IV fluids and monitors.

“There, he’s free. Here are his antibiotics and pain pills--just follow the directions, and call me if you have any questions. I’ll be here all night anyway.” Nancy patted Nikita’s shoulder as she handed her the medications.

“Thank you. I won’t forget this ever. I owe you one,” she said with a sad smile to the nurse who was already on her way to find a wheelchair. “Michael, come on. We’re going home.” Nikita began tugging on Michael to enable him to sit and stand. Nancy returned with the wheelchair, and together they had him in it and on his way out the door before anyone could stop them.

*************

Michael appeared to take no interest in the journey home,for he sat stiffly and silently as Nikita drove the 20 minutes it took to reach their condo. Nikita repeatedly glanced at him, but he never once looked in her direction. Her heart was crushed by an overwhelming sense of despair. They had been right in that Michael didn’t have the killer instinct. Obviously, he was destroyed by the experience he’s just had, and yet he had survived the attempted cancellation by two fellow operatives. It didn’t make sense to her at all.

“Michael, we’re home.” Nikita wanted to reach over and shake him. She went to his side of the car and opened the door. “Here let me help you,” she offered.

“I can walk,” he said as he shook off the arm she offered. Nikita, shaken by his rejection, stepped back as if he had hit her. Well, at least he spoke, she thought, as she followed his shaky steps into their building. She had thought she would take him in to see Nikki, but she decided that should wait till the morning. It was already so late, and she wasn’t sure now, if he should see Nikki in this state of mind.

After they entered their unit, Michael turned to Nikita. “I’ll sleep on the sofa.” He refused to look her in the eyes and looked at the floor instead.

“That’s silly, Michael. You’ve been wounded, you need to lie in your own bed.” Nikita’s greatest urge was to flutter around trying to make him comfortable, but her second urge was to smack him.

“I might disturb you, “ he said quietly, still not looking at her.

“Look at me. What have I done? You’ve got to stop this. You’re acting like a damn robot,” she said tersely.

“I just want to get some rest. I don’t care where,” Michael said as he finally looked at her, but his eyes were dead.

“Fine! Take the bed in our room. I’ll sleep out here.” Nikita walked to the hall linen closet and brought an extra blanket and pillow to the living room. She then walked into the bedroom, pulled the covers back off their bed and threw a pair of pajamas on the bed for Michael. Her movements were brusque, signifying her anger and frustration with him.

“Here, you need to take these before you to bed.” Nikita said as she held out the antibiotics and painkillers to her silent husband. He took them and swallowed them without water. Nikita shook her head in disbelief at the stranger standing before her.

Back in the living room and alone, Nikita lay down on the sofa, punched her pillow, and tried to go to sleep

In the bedroom, Michael let his clothes slip to the floor. He sat on the side of the bed and looked at the never worn pajamas and gave them a disgusted swipe. They landed on the floor as well. Michael lay down gingerly and pulled the coverlet across his legs, and he fell asleep quickly with a sigh.

***************

Nikita was unable to sleep and was still awake when she heard the muffled sounds that came from the bedroom. Although she was still extremely angry at Michael, she was more than petrified that Michael was permanently damaged from his test mission. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if Section canceled him. She had to think of Nikki first. Now she understood why Section had allowed her to have Nikki. The child was a weakness to be exploited, and, therefore, a control over her life and now Michael’s as well.

She was angry that he had changed from the naive young man she had married. She was angry that he had intruded on her life as an operative. The fact that he had excelled made no difference. He had no business in her business. She had always tried to keep them separate and tried to live two lives, even though she had been warned that it was impossible.

She was afraid he would not be able to function. He was too sensitive, and until now he had treated it simply as a challenge and a game. Now he knew the truth of what they did, and he had retreated from her, unable to reconcile his wife with the secret agent. As Nikita began to pace around the living room, she barely saw the tasteful furnishings they had selected when they first married. Nikita listened again and heard Michael call out distinctly, “Sharon, no!”

* * *

Michael slept, but he knew no peace. That which he could not bear to contemplate when he was awake, plagued his subconscious with dreams, terrible dreams of reality.

Michael had barely assumed his position and adjusted his night vision goggles, when Sharon ambled to his side. He turned and opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again. Sharon stood there with her 9mm aimed at his head. “I’m sorry, Michael. It’s you or me. I don’t have a choice,” she said sadly. Her hand shook, betraying her nervousness.

“Sharon, no,” he had said softly. “You don’t have to do this. I wouldn’t do it to you, no matter what they did to me.”

“That’s the difference between you and me, Michael. I will.”

Michael sighed, and he looked away. Sharon was distracted by his motion, and never saw his well-trained move that sent the gun flying from her trembling hands. His next move knocked her to the ground. He had managed to unholster his gun and aimed it at her. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Sharon,” he warned.

“Michael! Look--” her warning was ended by another gunshot. Red blossomed from where her face had been. Michael whirled and shot instinctively, as he was hit in the shoulder by Davis, who had been behind him. Davis, his old sparring partner, fell with a look of eternal surprise.

Michael turned again to Sharon and cried into the night, “Sharon, No!” Even though he knew they were both dead, he squatted to check their carotid pulses, which confirmed what he had done. Michael looked up at the starless night sky for a moment, then closed his eyes and offered a prayer for his two fellow agents.

Michael then remembered his comm unit. “Jurgen.”

“Michael?” Jurgen responded.

“Davis and Sharon are dead. Mission completed,” he added with heavy irony in his voice.

“Come in,” Jurgen said.

During the van ride back to Section One, Michael’s emotions shut down. He withdrew into a comfortable nothingness of feeling. This was the life he had chosen. He was a hired killer for the government, but a killer no less. Nikita was one as well, and their child had two killers for parents. It was incomprehensible to Michael that he had cavalierly chosen this life and now must live it or die.

The images so recent and so undeniably real would haunt his dreams forever. Michael awoke to find Nikita sitting on the floor beside the bed. Tears had streamed down her face as she watched the torment that had him in its grip.

Michael moved over in the bed and patted the mattress, signaling that he wanted her beside him. Nikita stood slowly and hesitated, “Are you sure?”

Michael’s reply was a soft, “Oui, I need you, Nikita, if I am to get through this.”

“Michael, tell me. I’ll never ask again,” she promised.

Michael gathered her into his arms and told her about the sick horror that had been his test mission. As Nikita listened, she grew angry, but not at Michael this time, but at Section One and the lives they had to lead in order earn the right to stay alive.

Nikita comforted Michael as she would have Nikki or any child with a broken heart.

“I have to know, Nikita. I have to know how you came to Section. I’ll never ask again, but I need to know.” Michael’s green eyes begged her to give him an answer, and she did not hesitate. She told him the whole story of her rape, the trial, the miscarriage of justice, and finally of the justice that she herself had dealt the rapist.

They talked through the night, taking comfort in their common condition. As the morning light came stealing softly, they were both finally able to sleep.

*************

Two Days Later

Madeline had called Michael to come to her office. She watched him as he entered. He moved gracefully as always, with a new composure it seemed to her. He stood before her with his hands clasped in front of him, and he watched her as well. Madeline motioned for him to be seated.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked.

“Yes, Michael. I wanted to congratulate you on your test mission. It was very successful. How’s your shoulder?”

“Thank you,” he responded. “My shoulder will be fine. There was no joint damage.” Michael’s tone was monotone, and his eyes were blank where before they had been very expressive--one of his nicest features, she had always thought.

“It’s my understanding that you were somewhat ‘withdrawn’ after the mission, but you seem to have come to terms with your role,” Madeline prodded as she attempted to provoke a reaction from Michael. He was very ‘icy’ in his responses, and Madeline wondered what it would take to break through his new demeanor.

Michael looked at Madeline, and wondered how any human could be so lacking in humanity. She was testing and prodding him like a guinea pig in a lab, and he guessed that was exactly how she saw him. He was determined to show her nothing. He and Nikita had planned this strategy. Nikita had said he must be the iceman with Madeline and with Operations as well. If they wanted a machine, he would give them one. He had done a little acting in his undergraduate studies, he would pull on those resources now. His survival demanded it. They must never know how he abhorred what they did here--not that it was necessary to kill to save other lives, but what they did to those who performed their tasks.

Nikita had explained to him about abeyance, but Michael could not understand why the Section simply didn’t try harder to help the operatives adjust to the abnormal situation they were in, or ‘why’ they weren’t more careful in choosing their operatives in the first place. In reality, Michael was still angry. That had been the real reason for his shut-down after the mission. The anger was so intense that he had submerged it and directed it at himself instead of at Jurgen or Madeline or Operations. He knew the real culprits for the deaths of Davis and Sharon, and he felt they had been unnecessary.

Madeline could see that some type of emotion flashed briefly through his eyes, and she wondered what it was. The Michael before her was not giving much of himself, and she was impressed. Slowly she stood and walked toward him. “Stand up, Michael,” she ordered softly.

Michael stood as she had requested. Nikita had also warned him about another tactic that Madeline was sure to attempt, and he was concerned that he might not have any control over his body’s natural responses. He could feel a change in the emotional vibrations in the entire room. Madeline was exuding pheromones as she walked toward him. He was amused, and he hoped that’s all his response would be. Being a man had its drawbacks at times.

Madeline looked him up and down and allowed her hand to trail across his shoulders. She detected only a minor muscle twitch. “You’re in excellent condition, Michael,” she said.

“You may thank Jurgen for that,” he said quietly.

“Uh, yes.” Madeline almost laughed at his response, but barely managed to maintain her own composure. Jurgen indeed, she thought. Jurgen would have been happy to continue to grind Michael into the mat, but Michael had equaled and surpassed his trainer fairly early on.

Madeline smiled, “That will be all, Michael, for today.”

“For today?” he asked.

“Yes, you will start reporting to me daily for further training in the psychological aspects of your job,” Madeline said.

“Of course.” Michael turned on his heel and left.

Madeline was amused. Nikita must be coaching him, she thought.

* * *

Michael walked to Nikita’s office and found her there waiting anxiously. She gave him a questioning look as she activated her descrambling device. Michael nodded, “It begins.”

Nikita stood and shut the miniblinds. Michael folded her into his arms as he began to kiss her neck. “Well, I’ll just have to keep you so busy at home with your husbandly duties that there won’t be anything left for ‘la belle dame sans merci.’”

Michael giggled as Nikita mangled the French pronunciation, but knew his best option was to find a drug with the opposite effect of Viagra and find it quickly. However, he didn't want any at that moment as he continued to make love to Nikita with his lips and hands.

************* Three Weeks Later

Madeline’s frustration with Michael was growing. He continued to completely miss the point of his special sessions with her. During the previous day’s session, when she had discussed with him in great detail about manipulation, particularly sexual manipulation, he had whipped out a pen and had begun to studiously take notes, for pity’s sake. She couldn’t decide if he were toying with ‘her,” or if he were so naive that he thought his ‘notes’ were going to be helpful on some kind of multiple choice test.

Madeline knew she had to break through his seemingly impenetrable wall of no emotion, and she would have to do it soon if she were going to succeed in her task. Madeline did not like to lose, and she had bet Operations that she would have Michael at her beck and call in six weeks--physically, emotionally and any other way she wanted him. She only had three weeks left. She needed something dramatic to snap him out of his torpor. Exactly how much of his disinterest was real and how much was feigned, Madeline was unsure, but she intended to find out that very day.

Michael entered in his usual manner. “Good morning,” he greeted her.

“Good morning, Michael. I want you to know that it’s time for the game you are playing to end. We have much to accomplish in your training, and you are purposely delaying it.” Madeline continued to give her eerie Mona Lisa smile.

“Game?” he asked giving her his blank stare. He sat with his hands folded in his lap. His face was composed and he concentrated on breathing evenly.

“Yes, Michael. I thought we would start with a very instructive movie today.”

“A movie?” he asked. Did she think to turn him on with X-rated movies, he wondered in disbelief.

Madeline smiled, “Yes, a movie.” She calmly picked up the remote and clicked. “Now if you will notice,” she started, “the quality isn’t the best, but for a ‘home movie,’ it will suffice.”

Michael gazed at the monitor with little interest until he saw a nude Nikita in their bedroom with a feather that she used to tickle him. Michael remembered the night of passion that this must have been taped. He turned to Madeline, and thoughts of ripping out her throat passed fleetingly through his mind. He blinked.

“Did you enjoy our performances?” he asked her with a voice that verged on sullen, but had a sensual quality as well. “Do you have more? Do you watch us to get off, Madeline?” He gave her name the French pronunciation and made it sound incredibly intimate.

Madeline’s rate of respiration increased, as did her heart rate. The pupils of her dark brown eyes dilated with desire. Instead of being embarrassed by the tape of his and Nikita’s lovemaking, he had taken the offensive. He was truly the sensual man she had seen on the tape, and he aroused her like no one had in several years. She wanted him. She wanted to feel those tender lips on hers. She wanted to feel his tongue ravage her body as it had Nikita’s. She wanted to feel his skillful hands on and in her body. Most of all she wanted to touch his heavy male organ. She wanted to caress it with her tongue and rake her teeth gently over the head. She wanted to hear him cry his passion.

Michael could see that she wanted him. He could feel that she wanted him. He could read what she wanted to do to him in her face. He knew she was very close to losing all sense of self-control. He thought he ought to help her.

“Is that all?” he asked coldy.

All the sensuality she had heard in his voice only a minute before was gone. His blank stare was back, and Madeline felt the full force of Michael in ‘machine mode.” Damn him, she thought, he had manipulated her. She closed her mouth, took a deep uncontrolled breath and managed to say, “Yes, that will be all, Michael.”

Madeline watched Michael as he walked away with his graceful swagger, and she waited until the office door closed silently before heaving the monitor (that continued to show Michael and Nikita making love) to the floor. The crash and explosion made her feel a lot better, but it still somehow lacked the explosive quality of an orgasm.

**************

Operations was in his office and anxious to have a little fun with Madeline, at her expense, of course. He’d had the foresight to observe that day's encounter with Michael. Madeline had apparently met her match in the young man. Nikita was coaching him, he was certain, but the overall result amused Operations more than anything had in years. Madeline was always so certain that she knew what each operative was best suited to do. Apparently, Michael wasn’t interested in learning seduction techniques. From what Operations had seen on various surveillance tapes, Michael didn’t need lessons, but Madeline really needed to get a grip. He had watched Madeline with great interest as Michael’s voice had assumed a sensual quality. She had been ready to jump Michael right there, and only the young recruits sudden and icy change of attitude had stopped her. Operations admitted to himself that he didn’t have many opportunities to push Madeline’s buttons. It was usually the other way around.

Operations smiled as Madeline walked into his lair. “Well, Madeline, it’s been 3 weeks, and I haven’t heard a progress report on Michael’s training for Valentine operations. I’ve very curious as to how that is going.”

It was impossible to keep the twinkle from his blue eyes, and Madeline noticed it immediately and was wary. She maintained her usual unresponsive facial expression. She knew he must know something of her problems with Michael. “His training is proceeding, but I am beginning to think that he’s not suited to that type of operation. He’s not showing a lot of interest. Most operatives are anxious for the Valentine training, but Michael is,” she paused to think of just the right word, “a touch on the apathetic.”

Operations raised his eyebrows, and his expression was one of delight. “Apathetic you say? From what I saw of his and Nikita’s lovemaking, he’s very enthusiastic. Wonder what the problem is? Any idea, Madeline? It’s not like you to be wrong about something like this.”

Madeline sighed, “I am human.”

Operations gave her his most enthusiastic smile, “Of course, you are, my dear. Well, what do you suggest we do with him? Should we cancel him? I have to say I don’t think he should be canceled for this one failing.”

Madeline wanted to cancel Michael herself for the way he had humiliated her that day, but could not admit it. “No, I suppose it would be a great waste of an otherwise perfect operative,” she said ruefully, as she thought of all the resources that had gone into Michael’s training over the past months.

Operations decided he had punished her enough. “Well, I think he’s ready for operative status then. It’s ahead of the curve, but I think he’s ready. Don’t you?”

Madeline’s face took on a reflective look, “Well, I would still obtain Jurgen’s final evaluation, before granting him operative status, but I imagine Michael’s preparation is complete.”

“Will you be home early tonight?” Operations asked as he stroked down her back to her waist. He was pleased to feel a slight shiver in response. “Christopher is preparing something Italian, I believe.”

“I believe I will be home early,” as she gave him the seductive look that had been wasted earlier in the day on Michael.

It wasn't wasted on Operations.

***************

Nikki had been put to bed with her favorite stuffed toys after having a story read by Michael. Later that night, Nikita and Michael snuggled together in their bedroom. “I’m so relieved that Operations has advanced you to provisional status. It’s months ahead of the 2 years, Michael.” Nikita’s head lay on Michael’s shoulder, as she ran her fingers lightly over his bare chest. She smiled as she saw the sensitive flesh pucker in response.

“Mmm,” Michael sighed. “You were afraid I wouldn’t make it, weren’t you, Ni-ki-ta?” Nikita continue to lie nestled in the sanctuary of his arms.

Nikita knew that nothing less than the truth was required. “I was petrified at first that Jurgen would kill you during the training. It happened once before with a recruit that he disliked. Then you did so well, that you appeared to take it as a game or an intellectual exercise, so I continued to worry. Michael, I haven’t had a moment’s peace since you followed me that first time.” Nikita’s turquoise eyes gazed into his green ones as she revealed the fears she had been afraid to acknowledge before.

Michael laughed, “I was petrified too. Consciously, I treated part of it as an intellectual challenge, but on another level, I knew that my survival depended on my wits and the skills I learned. That was the only way I could get through part of the training.” Michael grinned again, “Of course, my main goal in training with Jurgen was to get good enough to make him stop calling me Mikey.”

Nikita smiled at the sound of the old nickname. “You’re still my Mikey here in this bedroom, aren’t you?" she asked as began to kiss his neck.

“Ni-ki-ta, mais oui. Do you have to ask, cherie?” he asked as he responded to her kisses by using his tongue to lick down her white throat to her breasts. Taking one firm nipple in his mouth, he circled it with his tongue and suckled gently as Nikita began to moan.

* * *

Operations watched Madeline as Madeline watched Michael and Nikita make love. “Aren’t you getting a little obsessive about watching them, Madeline? I mean once was kind of fun, but this is not what I had in mind for tonight.”

Madeline bristled, “And what did you have in mind for tonight?”

“Something a little less voyeuristic and a little more active,” he suggested hopefully. “You could bring out that little leather outfit and your whip. I’ve been a very bad boy today,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Madeline looked at him with fire in her eye. “Yes, I believe you have. You should be punished severely,” she added.

Oh, boy, Operations thought to himself. It’s going to be a bumpy ride tonight.

**************

EPILOGUE

Madeline was surprised to find a gift-wrapped package on her desk when she arrived the next morning. Mmmm, she thought. Operations must have really enjoyed last night, if he already has a present waiting for me. There was no card on the outside of the package, but a small one fell onto the desk as she began unwrapping the present. ‘Michael’ was all it said. Hmmmmm?

As she removed the rest of the wrapping, she saw a video tape. This is certainly a puzzlement, she thought. She inserted it into the VCR, and pressed ‘play.’ Michael’s image appeared and spoke. “Since you seemed to enjoy the tape of Nikita and me, I thought perhaps I would return the favor. Enjoy! I certainly did.” The scene switched as the tape continued.

There was Madeline in all her glory and precious little else except a tiny leather bikini and a whip, which was being used to good effect on good old Fred. “Damn him!” she yelled at the screen, as she heaved the monitor to the floor. The explosive release of her frustrations thus relieved, she called Housekeeping. “It seems I’ve had another accident with my monitor. Harriett, I need someone to clean up the mess,” she said softly.

Madeline drummed her fingers against her desk. Michael may have won this battle, but he hasn’t won the war, she thought.

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