“We’re fine, Michael,” Nikita shouted over the roar of the chopper. “A little first aid for the Ambassador, but that’s all. Nothing major.”

“What happened to the Ambassador, Nikita,” Michael asked.

“Oh, nothing much, tell you about it later.” Nikita wondered what repercussions would ensue from her pistol whipping Ambassador Reid. Well, she’d always been told that the goals were just, even if the means were ruthless. She was becoming more like Section One every day. Not a happy thought at all.

“McClure, report. Any injuries or fatalities? We won’t be able to send housekeeping to this area. Once your team is out, that’s it.” Michael spoke plainly about a harsh fact of life in Section One.

“We’ve lost O’Ryan and Sherwood. I’ve got a couple of men with some minor stuff, but Woods has a chest wound. I wish we’d had time to get him on the chopper. I’m afraid we’ll lose him.”

“Do the best you can. I’ll get medical to Point A. That’ll be his best chance now. What’s your ETA?”

Another thirty minutes, Michael. We’re moving pretty fast. Riverra’s men didn’t put up much of a fight once he was dead.” McClure’s report was brief and factual with none of the snide personal comments that punctuated his earlier exchanges.

“Birkoff, you heard McClure,” Michael asked, knowing that Birkoff could hear everything at the exit point.

“Yeah, Michael. Medical will be here before McClure is. I’ve alerted them that they have a chest wound on the way.”

Michael looked up to Operations, who nodded and said over the comm set, “Good job, Michael.”

Michael wanted to take a deep breath and exhale to relieve the tension, but he would not allow himself to do that, not while Operations and Madeline were around to see it. Stoically, Michael remained at the tactical center until he heard that Nikita and the assault team were back at the airfield, on the plane and in the air. Michael then removed his comm set and walked casually to his office. He methodically shut the door and closed the mini-blinds. Wearily Michael sat down with his head resting in his hands, and he gave a long overdue sigh of relief.

*********

Hours later, after debriefing, Nikita found Michael asleep at his desk. “Michael,” she nudged him gently and said softly into his ear. “Michael, wake up. Let’s go.”

Michael was instantly awake and smiled when he saw her, “Nikita, are you through with your debrief? I was supposed to be there. What time is it?”

“It’s 4AM, and I want food, a shower, and bed and not necessarily in that order. I couldn’t sleep on the plane at all or eat either for that matter.”.

“Too much energy?” asked Michael knowing very well what the physical aftermath of a mission was like.

“Yeah, I felt like I could have walked back in half the time that it took the plane to fly it, but now I could drop.” Nikita truly looked worn.

“You need breakfast, a shower and bed. in that order. I know a place that stays open all night. Let’s go, ma petite.” Michael bundled her coat around her drooping shoulders. Together they walked out of Section into the predawn of the gray city streets.

Nikita curled up in the seat beside Michael, and she was asleep before he had the motor started. He stroked her pale blonde hair and kissed her softly on the lips. “I love you, Ni-ki-ta,” he whispered.

“I heard that, Michael,” Nikita whispered back. “I love you, too.” Nikita stroked the side of his face with her hand. She tucked a stray chestnut curl behind his ear.

This gentle and innocent touch gave Michael shivers of desire. She caressed his cheek with her finger tips, and she could feel him shudder. She traced his lips using just her ring finger, and he moaned. She was tantalizing him in much the same way he had her one memorable time, but there would be no telephone interruption or reprieve. Michael had known the phone would interrupt them that time, but by the time it had, he had been snared in his own net. What a torment it had been to stop kissing her. What torment now, if she did not start kissing him.

Michael enjoyed Nikita taking the lead in this early morning seduction. This too was part of the physical aftermath of a dangerous mission. It was a physical affirmation of life and appreciation of that life. He and Simone had often reveled in making love after a mission, but now Nikita was raising it to an art form with her innate sweetness and tenderness.

Nikita began to rub her lips against his chin. She started nibbling at his lips with hers. “Michael, we’re going to have to change the order a little bit. You forgot to put this first.” Nikita then began to kiss Michael. Her tongue sought his and was rewarded.

Nikita began tugging at his jacket, and pulling his tee shirt out of his pants.

Michael’s breathing grew labored as his arousal became wonderfully painful. Michael could not resist any longer. He began kissing Nikita deeply. His hands began pulling at her clothes as well. As all the necessary body parts came free and into view, Michael’s last coherent thought was, merde, we’re still in the Section One parking lot....

**********

As always, Walter was an early bird, and he loved to get up and watch the sunrise. As he parked his car, it was only 5AM. He saw that Michael’s car was still in the lot. He probably spent the night at his desk, Walter thought. As Walter opened his door, he noticed that Michael’s classic Mercedes was moving. The windows were fogged with steam, so he couldn’t tell what or who was going on in the car, but Walter made an educated guess and decided to give the car a wide berth. Like the old saying says, “If the car is a rockin,’ don’t come a knockin.” Whoa, baby, was that car a rockin.’ Walter knew he would have a smile on his face for the rest of the day just thinking about the somber and sober Michael ‘doing the deed’ in his car. Yes, somebody around here was certainly a good influence on him. Good for her. Good for her.

* * *

“Michael, you know what this means don’t you,” Nikita said softly into Michael’s ear. “We’ve really blown it this time.”

“Huh?” Michael was till trying to get his breath. Somehow they had made it to the back seat, but with Nikita lying on top of him, his left leg was cramped, and there wasn’t a lot of room.

“We’re still in the parking lot at Section! What were we thinking?” Nikita reached over and wiped the fog off the window.

Michael giggled, “We weren’t thinking.” Somehow the reality had not reached his brain, or maybe it was just the recent diversion of blood from his brain that made him a little giddy. “You seduced me. If we get into trouble with our mommy and daddy, it’s all your fault.” Michael giggled again.

“Damn! You think they have the parking lot under surveillance.” Nikita was beginning to have an attack of postcoital anxiety.

“Nikita, Section has everything under surveillance. Whether anyone actually pays attention to my car, is another matter.” As Michael’s blood flow returned to normal, so did his common sense. “Let’s go. Still want some breakfast?” he asked as he started tucking in his shirt and zipping his pants. Nikita was hurriedly restoring her clothes to a more normal appearance as well.

“Only if you’re cooking. Actually, I just want to go to bed.” Nikita yawned widely.

Michael drove them the short distance to his apartment. Once inside, Michael started a pot of coffee, and Nikita headed for the shower. When she came out in his robe, she took a deep breath, “The coffee smells heavenly, Michael.”

“It’s decaf so you can go to sleep.” Michael handed her the cup, which was decorated with a rose design.

“Thank you. What about you? Are you going to try to make your session today?”

“Yes, but I’ll rest for a while before I leave.” He kissed her lips and tasted the coffee left there. “You taste good.” He giggled again thinking of other lips and other tastes.

Nikita smiled at his double entendre. After Nikita finished her coffee, she went wearily to his bed. Michael followed and lay beside her, their bodies entwined. Nikita went to sleep quickly and deeply, but Michael lay next to her and marveled at how their relationship had changed over the last four years. First they had been trainer and material which had eventually evolved to a very sweet friendship after Simone had been found and died again. Then he had become her manipulator often using her feelings to save her life. Then one passionate night they had become lovers. After being lovers they had become estranged because of his need (their need really) for caution. Miraculously they had eventually become friends again and lovers again. Tears formed in Michael’s eyes as he fell asleep to dream peacefully of Nikita and being free.

************

Therese anxiously awaited her 10AM appointment. There had been no call of cancellation today. Given his line of work, something could have happened to him, she thought. She had completed her dictation from her 9AM appointment, when Tina buzzed that he was there.

“Good morning, Michael.” Therese noted the dark shadows beneath his eyes.

“Trouble sleeping,” she asked. Dreams and nightmares were a common during therapy, especially the early stages.

“Morning. No, no trouble sleeping, just finding time to sleep.” He smiled ruefully and sat in his usual chair. “Sorry about missing yesterday. It couldn’t be avoided.”

“When we talked last, you had told me about a time when you manipulated Nikita for the agency in order to achieve their ends.. You have mentioned that you have also used Nikita’s feelings for you to save her life. Tell me about one of those times.” Therese relaxed in her wing back chair as Michael began to speak.

“One of the times that sticks particularly in my mind occurred after a mission that went sour. In order to have leverage, we had been assigned to capture the brother of a terrorist. He and his wife were supposed to be alone that night, but our intel was faulty. Their two children were at home after all. The brother was shot with a tranq dart, and as he went down from the tranquilizer, his wife walked into the line of fire of his weapon and was killed. This children were there and saw this happen.

“Nikita was very upset and was under constant surveillance at that time anyway as a new operative. The agency doesn’t leave anything to chance. During this routine surveillance, another operative was seen making contact with Nikita under some pretext of dropping her glove. This operative E was one of the surveillance operatives. That was his main duty, and Nikita was someone he was frequently assigned to watch. He was also known to be dissatisfied with his place in the Agency. He was only a step away from being placed in abeyance, and it made me very uneasy that he was making contact with Nikita. We had intercepted messages from him to outside sources, about escaping from the agency and leaving a virus behind in our computer system.

“There was simply no way that I could allow Nikita to be tarnished by his stupidity. The agency does not have a forgiving nature, and anyone who had any contact with him would be canceled as well. There were actually times when I had convinced myself that what I felt for Nikita was merely physical attraction. This was one of those times. I decided I would pull her closer to me personally.

“For some reason, I felt very awkward doing it. It did not make sense to me, because normally, I had no trouble talking to women or in achieving whatever goal I desired. In fact, I had been seeing other women in order to get Nikita out of my mind. It wasn’t really working. I went through all the moves that were usually so successful. I went out of my way to speak to her, complimented her, but she called me on it.

“I invited her out for coffee, and she asked my why. You want to know my lame answer, ‘I like coffee.’ Nikita had very good instincts, and my awkwardness was like a red flag. Our relationship was strained by various things, but mainly by my trying to pull away from her, and now I was doing just the opposite. I was desperate to keep her away from E, and she was suspicious.

“I felt that I had foiled one escape attempt already. We had a lead that the terrorist we were seeking was in a old football stadium. E was on this mission on tactical, and I found them together, just in time I think. Later, as we were going over the next mission parameters, I had took the opportunity to lean very close to her as I instructed her in the final scenario. Her body language said suspicion, but her eyes said curiosity.

“Later that day, with BK.’s help, I intercepted a cell phone call from E to Nikita. He was telling her the final plans for their escape. In the middle of this call, I knocked on her door. I could tell she didn’t want to let me in when I said I was there to go over the mission once again. Then I told her we should have that coffee now. She actually picked up her coat to go out for coffee. I told her no need to go out. I finally had to tell her what ever she had would be fine. When she said ‘what if I don’t have anything?’, I told her that would be fine too. My responses were so inane that I couldn’t believe I had uttered them.

“I did not intend to leave without seducing her. Although I knew the phone would ring before I could make love to her, I had to take this last chance to bond her to me.

I put in a CD that I had always liked and held my hand out to her. Nikita just looked me up and down, suspicious to the end. She even asked me if I was trying to seduce her, but the feelings she had were there for me to see. She was confused, and I wanted her to be certain that this was what she wanted. I gave her a line about not fighting what was between us.

“Was it really a line, Michael?”

“If I had used it on anyone else, it would have been, but it was true about how I felt. I had been fighting what I felt for her. I couldn’t risk the pain and heart ache that losing Simone had caused, but I also didn’t want to hurt Nikita anymore than she already had been.

“As we began to touch each other, very gently and softly, but seductively, I let her to be the one to increase the amount of contact. As we kissed and danced, I could see she was totally into it, and so was I. Other than when we had one of our first missions, we had never been alone in this manner. My head was literally battling with the rest of my body for control. I could have had her right then, and I wanted her right then. Then the phone rang on schedule, and I broke away. I wanted to throw the phone out the window and across the street. I wanted to take her to bed and make love to her for the rest of the day and night. Instead I took her on a mission, where she would have the opportunity to escape came again.

“The mission was successful. Nikita performed superbly. Then she left to go meet E. But she did not go with him. My seduction had been successful, and I was relieved. When we were finished debriefing after the mission, I told her that E did not come back, and that the virus only affected the primary data base. I told her that E would be caught, and so would have anyone who went with him.

“She was livid. She realized that I had manipulated her. She just couldn’t see the reason I did it. She was the reason, and she was staring me in the face, and I could not face her without telling her how I felt. I turned and walked away rather than tell her. She didn’t deserve what my love did to those I loved.

“And now, Michael. What about now? How is the relationship with Nikita going?” Therese asked.

“Nikita and I are finally on some kind of journey. Sort of a ‘carpe diem’ mentality, I guess you could call it. We have many tests ahead of us, both from within and without. We don’t know where it will lead, and if it will be allowed at all in the long run. Anyway, we are making love a lot, and that is very good.” Michael laughed as he admitted this to Therese. “We are getting a lot closer as friends.”

“It is a start, Michael. Nikita may prove to be a better therapist than I am,” she laughed. “See you tomorrow?” Therese extended her right hand to shake his.

“If I can, ” Michael said softly as he bowed and gave her hand a courtly kiss.

*************

Michael wasn’t sure why he had done something so inappropriate as kissing his psychiatrist’s hand. She seemed to lose her composure for the first time, since he had been coming for his sessions. Her face flushed and she hesitated, but she pulled her hand away. He had purposely tried to rattle her in the initial sessions and had failed, but this sudden impulse puzzled him.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why I did.” Michael was truly confused. “You’ve been so kind. I meant no disrespect.” His discomfort was apparent as he looked at her earnestly. His eyelids were blinking furiously, and his hand went to his chin.

“Physical contact between a psychiatrist and a patient is totally inappropriate, Michael. I accept that this was an impulse, and it may be related to transference, but it must never happen again. I would have to stop seeing you as a patient and recommend that you see someone else.” Therese was stern, but this was an important ethical issue that allowed no other response, and it was best to set the ground rules early in the therapeutic process.

“Transference. Does that mean that I am ‘transferring’ feelings I have for someone else to you,” he asked. “Like am I confusing you with my mother or something like that?”

“Possibly, yes. It’s a little more complicated than that, but that’s close enough for now.” Therese felt maybe a little counter-transference was involved as well. She had to place the barriers early with this one. She resisted her motherly instincts toward him. Why her eldest son was almost his age. But Michael had such beauty and strength of purpose. He reminded her of a mistreated stallion. His pride and strength must have carried him through many situations, but the wounds were still there, chafing deep within damaging his spirit and chilling his countenance. Therese smiled at him encouragingly.

“Again, I am sorry. It will not happen again.” Michael’s gray eyes were shiny with emotion as he walked out the office door.

“I know, Michael,” Therese said softly to herself.

**************

Michael walked through the gray halls of Section One. He stopped at Madeline’s office and keyed in the code. The door quietly opened. Madeline looked up in surprise, then smiled when she saw Michael standing there. She waited for him to speak first.

She knew he would wait until the doors closed to do so.

“Madeline, I want to thank you,” he started.

“For what, Michael?” Madeline wanted Michael to express his feelings, so she would not make it easy for him.

“For the sessions. They seem to be helping.” Dr. Dupre was so much easier to talk to, but he didn’t have to say that much to Madeline. She always seemed to know what he was thinking anyway.

“In what way, Michael?” Madeline wanted to pull the words out of him.

“I am able to talk about issues, I would never talk about here. I have an objective listener, who isn’t interested in pushing my buttons to achieve her own ends,” he said in challenge.

“Like I do, you mean?” Madeline’s enigmatic smile was back again.

“Yes,” Michael’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“And Nikita. How are the two of you?” Madeline asked, probing for a reaction.

“Nikita and I are working on a relationship. It’s progressing.” Michael could barely get the words out. He had hidden so much for so long that it didn’t seem natural to say this much now.

Madeline could see the smile in his eyes that he thought he was hiding. His blank stare was not blank to the one who taught it to him. “Well, the Reid mission went well. Nikita performed quite well on her own. She saved McClure’s life, and now he seems to have formed a fondness for her.” Madeline smiled inwardly as she told this to Michael. His eyes snapped as she mentioned McClure’s new found feelings for Nikita. She did enjoy disturbing Michael’s equanimity occasionally just for fun.

“Yes, Nikita performed quite well.”

“As did you, Michael. You were able to put aside any personal considerations and stay focused on the mission. I was very encouraged.”

“Thank you. I think I will attack the mountains of paper on my desk.” Michael rose to leave.

“Michael, next time, at least try to get out of the parking lot before you and Nikita make love. It sets a bad example for the other operatives.” Madeline wanted to laugh aloud, but of course, she did not.

Michael turned his head, gave Madeline his tiny half smile and walked out of her office. Michael was convinced that Madeline had great powers of extrasensory perception or the best surveillance system on the planet or both. Michael continued walking along the gray halls of Section, but there was still a smile on his face.

*********

As a matter of fact, everyone seemed to be smiling at Section today. Michael was puzzled. Everyone he met in the hall had these smiles plastered on their faces. Was there something in the water? Had it become spring, and he had not noticed? Michael continued down the gray halls and met Walter. When Walter looked up and saw Michael, his eyes started to twinkle. “Hi ya, Michael. What’s up?” Walter went on his way chuckling, as if he expected no answer, and he didn’t receive one. What he did not see was Michael’s gaze following him with a baffled expression.

Michael reached his office door. There was a crude, hand-lettered sign taped there. “NOTICE--KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING! (BUT WAIT 10 MINUTES FIRST). SIGNED MICHAEL & NIKITA.” Michael looked around and saw no one. Not a bad idea, he thought, but he swiftly swiped the sign and squashed it into a small ball. He thought he heard a giggle, but there was still no one visible in the area. Obviously, news of his encounter with Nikita in the car had been bandied about Section One. Not like Madeline to do something like that, but anyone could have seen them, or at least seen the fogged up windows in the car. Well, if he had to take a little ribbing, he would, because it had certainly been worth every minute of fitting into the cramped space and jockeying for a comfortable position.

He knew he’d better find something else on which to focus. He picked up a stack of reports, and a dozen packages of condoms fell in his lap. Obviously, there were no missions on pad today. There was entirely too much humor being externalized at his expense.

His phone rang. It was Operations, and he wanted to see Michael now. “Yes, Of course, right away.” Operations did not sound happy, but then he almost never did.

Operations was pacing about in his office aerie. His pale blue eyes snapping with energy. “Michael, you’ve been warned about becoming too attached to the material before. You’ve suffered the consequences first hand. What are you thinking!” Operations made the last a loud declamatory statement. It was not a question.

“What do you mean?” Michael’s defense was a simple one. Don’t ever act guilty, even if one is. His hands were folded in front of him, and he looked Operations directly in the eyes giving him a taste of the ‘patented blank stare.’

Operations stared back. “I mean your little escapade with Nikita in the parking lot. I guess it was Nikita. Maybe I’m being presumptuous. Maybe you were just ...”

Michael interrupted Operations. “What you’re doing is interfering in something that does not concern you.” Michael stood back waiting for Operations to explode. “’Does not concern me’ when at least 6 people reported to me that it looked like your car was trying to take off on its own accord early this morning. It’s bad for morale. It diminishes you as a team leader to be seen in such circumstances. If you can’t keep your hands off Nikita, at least, keep them off her on Section property!” Operations paced as he railed at Michael.

Michael’s voice rasped as he asked, “Is that all?” It took all of Michael’s self-control to keep from showing any emotion. His voice was the only clue to how upset he really was by Operations arguments.

“For now, that is all, Michael.” Operations shook his head in disgust. After Michael left he continued to pace. Madeline was not telling him everything. He did not believe she was unaware of circumstances between Michael and Nikita. He was sure that she had in some way encouraged the relationship to go beyond where ‘he’ thought it ought to go. Michael and Nikita were performing well. That was true enough, but all this levity was really more than he could handle. Although, he could remember what it was like some years before when he and Madeline .... All the same, he had to be rough on them, for the good of Section One.

***********

Michael walked back to his office. He met each smarmy smile with a blank stare. Good, he thought, no more signs. He entered his office and closed the door. He activated the scrambler and called his home number. He hated to awaken Nikita, but he wanted to warn her about today’s tempest in a teapot. No answer. Well, she probably wouldn’t feel comfortable answering his phone anyway, he thought and dialed her cell phone.

One ring, two rings, three--”Yes,” she said groggily.

“Nikita, I’m sorry to awaken you. I know you need your sleep, but if you were planning on coming in here today, I would advise you not to do it,” he said hoping that this would not have the opposite effect with the independent Nikita.

“What’s up Michael? I really planned on sleeping all day.” Nikita gave a big yawn and stretched, as she looked around Michael’s apartment and settled back in the bed.

“I know and I’m sorry, Cherie. I just didn’t want you to walk in here, not knowing what to expect.” Michael felt tongue-tied and unsure of how to tell her.

“Geez, Michael, what’s the mystery? You’ve got my curiosity aroused now.” Nikita said as she sat up again.

“They know about our uh- tête-à-tête in the car this morning.”

“You mean Madeline knows?

“No, Nikita, everybody knows. Everyone was ‘smiling’ at me today. Then there was a sign on my office door about knocking first and then waiting 10 minutes. Then when I pulled out some work, condoms went everywhere.” Michael was getting mildly annoyed at telling all the petty little details to Nikita.

“Cool!” Nikita threw her head back and laughed.

“Shall I tell you how ‘cool’ it was when Operations called me to his office about it.

He gave me his old standard speech about emotional attachments between operatives. It was all I could do to stand there and listen and show no emotion.” Michael could not understand how Nikita could take this so cavalierly. Operations had been right. He had experienced the consequences of emotional involvement. Would he never learn.

“Well, Michael, that’s one of your best tricks--showing no emotion. How hard could that have been?” Nikita laughed again. “Hey, I’m coming down there. I don’t want to miss the fun.”

“Ni-ki-ta!” Michael knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue with her once she had made up her mind.

“Relax, Michael. So we made wild and passionate love in your car. So what! Operations and Madeline can just get over it. And so can everybody else. Michael, they’ve been talking about us for years, so now there’s some truth to what their saying.

Big deal. We’re not the only ones having a relationship in that place.” Nikita was already slipping into her clothes. “Bye, see you in a few minutes.” And she disconnected.

Michael wondered if he would ever learn how to handle Nikita, or if it was even possible. His call had the opposite effect that he had intended, and now she was coming to join the ‘fun.’ Michael thought about the loss of Simone and knew he would rather die than risk losing Nikita.

*************

Nikita sailed into Section One. She was wearing a black pair of Michael’s jeans and one of his black tee shirts. Her wheaten hair was pulled back by an unusual black ribbon. It looked suspiciously like a neck tie. Nikita had raided Michael’s closet in desperation. The clothes she had worn earlier were too wrinkled to wear, and she couldn’t find an iron anywhere. His jeans fit peculiarly as well. Michael and she were almost the same height, so the length was okay, but as slender and well built as Michael was, the jeans were loose in the waist and hips. Michael’s butt is bigger than mine, she thought. Michael does have a great butt though, she sighed.

Nikita walked over to Walter’s work area. “Hey, Walter, what’s going on?”

Walter turned and gave her a conspiratorial smile and a wink. “Could ask you the same question, Sugar, but I know what’s going on. I saw you two this morning. Now I’m terribly jealous that you’ve dumped me for that Michael fellow, but if you need any advice or lessons on how to handle that guy, just let me know.”

Nikita giggled, “You’ll always be my first love, Walter.” Then she lowered her voice to a stage whisper, “But I think I can handle the guy just fine.” She planted a kiss on his wrinkled cheek and turned to leave.

“That’d be my best guess.” Walter shook his head and went back to his work.

Nikita walked over to Birkoff’s computer station. “Hi, Birkoff.”

“Hi, Nikita. Didn’t think you’d be here today.” Birkoff vainly tried to hide the smirk he felt seizing his face.

“Well, I hadn’t planned on it, but here I am. I understand there’s some scuttlebutt going around about Michael and me.” Nikita loomed over Birkoff, and she intended it to be a little menacing. Birkoff was easy to intimidate.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Nikita. Listen I’ve got work to do. Oh, Operations said if you came in today, he wanted to see you.”

“Operations wants to see me, not Madeline?” Madeline usually handled Nikita and her problems. Nikita felt more comfortable with Madeline, if that was saying anything at all. Oh, well best to get the ‘chewing out’ over and done, she thought.

“No, Madeline is out picking out more bonsai for her office. She pruned a little too closely on a couple of the ones she had, and they died.” Birkoff shook his head. Madeline still inspired awe in all around her, no matter how long they had known her.

“No doubt. Well, thanks, Seymour, for the intel.” Nikita popped a green jelly bean in her mouth and went to Operations office.

“Nikita, I’m going to make this short. It doesn’t seem to do any good to talk to Michael, so I am going to tell you plainly. An emotional relationship between cold operatives is a bad idea. Michael already knows this, but seems to have forgotten. It is bad for discipline if a team leader seems to be favoring a member of his team over others.

Nikita’s temper flared before she could stop and think, “I have given up everything for Section One. I risk death almost daily for the freedom I have been given. I can’t see anyone outside Section, because he would be a risk and you would cancel him. I’m not supposed to see anyone in Section. No one cared when I saw Jurgen. Oh, yes, that was different because it was part of a manipulation and because he was blackmailing you, so that was okay for me to see him. What am I supposed to do? I’m not a nun, and Michael’s not a priest for heaven’s sake. What do you expect two young healthy people to do when they love each other? You may want machines, but we’re not.” Nikita’s face was red, and she was shouting by the end of her speech.

Operations pale blue eyes bore through Nikita. “I don’t care what you do. That has nothing to do with the reason you exist here in Section One. You are here to do a job. Your behavior this morning was inexcusable. If this relationship continues, one of you will be canceled. I haven’t decided yet which one of you it will be. Nikita, the choice is really yours. That’s all.”

***************

Michael continued to do paperwork for the rest of the afternoon. He expected Nikita to come breezing in any moment to stir up trouble for them both, but then that was his Nikita. He marveled that he really thought of her that way and could admit it to himself. He had heard Operations implied threat very clearly, and he knew it would be difficult to make Nikita understand that they still had to be careful. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 6PM. Nikita must have changed her mind about coming to Section after all. Good, he thought, she needed the rest.

Michael stood up and turned off the light in his office. He thought about going home to his apartment and finding Nikita there, curled up asleep in his bed. He shook his head to try to remove that image from his mind, but his mind was still on Nikita as he walked past Birkoff’s station.

“Hey, Michael, what did Operations say to Nikita that had her so upset. She flew outta here like a bat outta he**.” Birkoff was busily playing Riven on one computer and chess on another.

“Nikita was here?” Michael asked softly. “I didn’t see her.”

“Well, she didn’t stay long.” Birkoff’s attention was not focused on Michael and Nikita. “Like I said she breezed in and flew out.”

Michael left Section in a hurry, but not in such a hurry that anyone would notice. Once he was in his car, he flipped his phone open and dialed Nikita’s cell phone. “Where are you?” he asked when she answered.

“I’m at my place.”

“Can I come over, I want to see you. We need to talk.” Michael couldn’t understand what was wrong with Nikita. Her attitude was too cool and distant.

“No! I’m really tired. I haven’t had much sleep lately, and I need to take advantage of this downtime.” Nikita abruptly disconnected.

“I’m coming over,” he said to the dial tone.

*************

“You said what?” Madeline’s calm exterior belied the fury that raged within her mind. Madeline and Operations were having coffee in Madeline’s office when Operations told her of his separate afternoon conversations with Michael and Nikita.

“Michael I merely threatened by reminding him of Simone, but Nikita was actually throwing a fit in my office. I decided to cool her down a bit. I told her I would cancel one of them if their relationship continued at all. That seemed to do the trick, and she left as fast as she came. I don’t like operatives yelling at me in my own office, Madeline. It’s a failing I have.” Operations leaned back in his chair feeling rather smug.

“Don’t you have a clue as to what I am trying to do with those two? Michael is in therapy to resolve all his anger and control issues. Nikita is performing better than she ever has, and now you are trying to split them up and destroy everything I’ve put in place for the future. I’ve been aware of the evolution of their relationship from the beginning. I’ve molded and guided them and it hasn’t been easy. They are both very stubborn and conflicted people. And now you stand there and tell me that while I took a rare free afternoon, you have single-handedly destroyed four years of my efforts.” Madeline stood and started to pace back and forth.

“Madeline, it seems that we have been working at cross-purposes. Perhaps if you had enlightened me as to your major agenda, we might have worked together. I have to maintain that this relationship is a bad idea, and I have thought so from the start. We gave Nikita to Michael as his ‘material’ so that he could have a focus. She needed his ‘expertise’ for discipline, but I can’t say he’s been too successful in that, can you?” Operations pale blue eyes bore into Madeline’s brown ones.

Madeline took a deep breath to regain her control. “Yes, I understood your agenda, and I encouraged you to do that, because I knew Nikita would bring Michael back to us in a much more important way. Michael was dead inside, and we would have lost him sooner or later. The reason he was such a perfect operative was that he didn’t care if he lived or died. Section had taken everything away from him, and the minute I saw the file on Nikita, I knew I had a tool to do just that.”

Operations rarely disagreed with Madeline, but he did this time. “But Michael was fine before Nikita came. He did the job without question. He was the perfect operative, and Nikita has ruined that,” he said petulantly.

“That’s where we have an inherent disagreement. I have kept you somewhat in the dark because I knew how you felt about Nikita. I, on the other hand, think that Michael has benefited from Nikita’s being here, therefore, Section benefits from Nikita being here.” Madeline played her trump card. Section was more important than the individuals there.

Operations knew he was not going to win this argument with Madeline, but he could still try. “They were having sex in Michael’s car in the parking lot, for pity’s sake. How do you think that looks. Signs on Michael’s door about knocking first. This is not high school. Do I have to remind you what we do here.”

Madeline knew she was winning. “I don’t think a little occasional high spirits is a bad thing. It gives everyone a break from the serious and dark life we all lead. It’s unfortunate that they were so precipitate in their behavior, but it isn’t the end of the world. It would have all blown over in two or three days. I had already talked to Michael. He understood it shouldn’t be repeated, but you have totally .....” Madeline shook her head in disgust.

She continued, “I will have to think about this, and when I have figured out how to remedy this without making you look like a total ass, I will let you know. Psych Ops is my area, and you are interfering with my ability to do my job. I can only wonder how much this has to do with Michael and Nikita or whether it has more to do with the fact that ‘we’ no longer have that type of relationship.”

“Madeline, you are going too far.” Operations objected as he rose to leave. He knew he was defeated.

“And so, are you going to cancel me,” she asked with a Mona Lisa smile.

“Of course not. But don’t push me. Remember who is still in charge here.”

Operations left shaking his head.

“Of course,” Madeline said to his retreating back. She leaned back to consider what to do next, then picked up the telephone.

*************

Nikita sat rocking back and forth on the sofa with her arms wrapped around her knees. The tracks of the tears she had shed since leaving Operations office stained her stricken face. She wondered again and again how she could have been so stupid as to play seduction games with Michael in the Section parking lot, much less think that they would ever be allowed to have a real relationship. She knew Madeline had even encouraged Michael to either pursue the relationship or drop it totally. Nikita was hopelessly confused about Operations’ bald threat.

Nikita jumped as a knock sounded at the door. It had to be Michael. It was his knock. Why couldn’t he just stay away as she had asked. She went over to the sink and splashed water on her face. She could see her reflection and her red puffy eyes in the toaster. She walked to the door and opened it with the chain still in place. It ‘was’ Michael.

“Nikita, what is it? What’s wrong?” Why was she shutting him out like this, was all he could think. Was there someone with her? McClure? Michael remembered what Madeline had said about him being ‘fond’ of her now after the Colombian mission.

“Nothing, Michael. I just need some time to myself. I’m really tired.” If he didn’t hurry and leave, she was going to break down again.

“May I come in?” Michael didn’t want to have to beg. “Please,” he said this softly, his gray-green eyes doing the pleading for him. His whole attitude was one of dejection. He had been at this door before.

“Nikita, what is wrong? What have I done? Was it Operations?” Michael tried to think of anything that would cause her to rebuff him this way. “I’m not leaving, Nikita. You can talk to me in the hall, or you can let me in and we can discuss this.”

Nikita sighed and gave in. She unlatched the chain and opened the door to allow Michael to enter. He walked in and looked around. “Are you alone?”

“Of course, I’m alone. Who do you think would be here anyway?” Nikita could not bring herself to face Michael, so she turned away.

“It was a stupid question. Nikita, look at me.” Michael touched her gently on the shoulder, but didn’t force her to turn around. “Talk to me, please, Nikita.” Michael’s voice was soft and gentle. He could see Nikita’s shoulders trembling and knew she was at a breaking point. He had never seen her like this, and the sight of her ripped a hole through the compartments of mind and heart that he had maintained so long. He waited. He would not push her past this point.

Nikita took a deep breath, let it out, and took another. She turned around to face the man she knew she loved beyond all she had ever known. She let out the second breath and buried her face in Michael’s chest. She felt his arms surround and hold her gently, not demanding, but comforting her instead. She felt him guide her toward the sofa.

Michael gently tilted her chin with his right hand and looked into her tear-filled cerulean eyes. His own eyes were swimming with tears, but he was unaware. “Tell me. You have to trust me.” His voice was hoarse with raw emotion.

Nikita swallowed. “Operations.”

“What about him,” Michael asked. “What could he say to you that would upset you like this.” Michael stroked her silky blonde hair to soothe her shuddering body.

“He’s going to, to cancel one of us, if we con- continue our relationship,” she stuttered.

“What? He said what!” Michael could not believe his ears. He thought Nikita must have been mistaken.

“I came in this afternoon, and Birkoff told me Operations wanted to see me. Well, he launched in about us in the car and a lot of other crap, and I lost my temper. I was yelling at him that we were in love and what were we supposed to do, and the next thing I knew he said he would cancel one of us if we continued the relationship. I ran out as fast as I could. I’ve been here ever since. You’ve got to leave, Michael. He’ll do it I know he will. I can’t go through this again. I can’t.” Nikita broke and began to sob. “You can’t either.”

Michael sat down on the sofa with Nikita and let her cry till there were no more tears. “Here blow.” He handed her his handkerchief, pulled out his cell phone and punched in a familiar number. “We need to talk to you. No, your place. We’ll be over.”

Nikita blew her nose resoundingly. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he said as he kissed her softly. “Let’s go.”

*************

Michael pulled up in front of a ten story, turn-of-the-century Gothic Revival apartment building. A valet came to park Michael’s Mercedes. Michael put his arm around Nikita and walked toward the front door. The doorman stepped out to open the door. “Mr. Smythe-Jones, isn’t it, sir? It’s been a long time since you were here. Good evening.”

“Hello, Trevor. It’s good to see you again. We’re here to see Ms. Frayn. She’s expecting us.” Nikita gave Michael a puzzled stare. She still had no idea who they were going to see or why. She didn’t know anyone who lived in such posh surroundings, but obviously Michael did.

“Certainly, sir. I’ll announce you.” Trevor picked the in-house phone and spoke quietly. “Yes, Ma’am, I’ll send them right up.”

“Go right in, sir. I believe you know the way.”

“Yes. Thank you.” Michael ushered Nikita through the inner doors. Green serpentine marble paved the way to elegant wrought iron fronted elevators. They rode in silence to the 10th floor. Nikita knew Michael was not going to tell her anything else until he was ready.

Michael stopped before one of the two doors on that floor. He knocked lightly. The door was opened by a maid in a pale gray uniform. “Thank you, Betsy. Well, Michael and Nikita, come on in. How lovely to see you both. Betsy, if you will bring us some coffee, you may go for the evening.” Madeline’s soft voice startled Nikita, who barely managed to keep her mouth from dropping open.

Michael graciously removed Nikita’s coat and handed it to Betsy, who disappeared down the hall. “But” Nikita started.

“We’ll talk after coffee, Nikita. We’ll be alone then. Michael, how is your career going? Have you opened your own gallery yet?” Madeline’s flow of inane and polite conversation seemed endless, and Nikita attempted to take in what she saw and heard and tried to equate it with the Madeline she knew at Section. The apartment was an elegant and eclectic mix of traditional, period and Japanese lacquer pieces. And Michael seemed to be quite at home here.

Betsy served them coffee with a Sterling Silver set that Michael knew was made by Paul Revere and then left them alone.

“We have to fix this, Madeline.” Michael was very direct and calm. His hands were folded in his lap as he waited for Madeline’s response.

“Indeed we do. Operations has put us in somewhat of a bind. He won’t want to back down in front of Nikita, but he cannot be allowed to follow through on his threat. Nikita, what would you suggest we do?” Madeline wondered if Nikita would have any viable suggestions.

“I don’t know, Madeline. I just know that I don’t want to die, and I don’t want Michael to die. I’m willing to be transferred, whatever. I will end the relationship.” Nikita’s words faded to a whisper with the last sentence, and tears appeared in her blue eyes.

Madeline looked from Nikita to Michael and back to Nikita. “I think that all of us know by now that, ending your relationship is not warranted or even advisable. Logically, I am not supposed to care whether you have a relationship or not, but I have watched it grow and evolve from the first when Nikita came to Section. You are both more valuable to Section One together than you are apart. Therefore, I will have to think about this a little more, but it will be resolved to everyone’s satisfaction.”

“Nikita, I think an apology from you would be an excellent place to start. Operations just hates to have an operative yell at him. It goes without saying that both of you should try to stay out of the parking lot.” Madeline allowed a small smile to steal across her face when she said ‘parking lot.’ She enjoyed the red flush that crept up Nikita’s neck. Michael merely gave Madeline the latest version of his blank stare.

“Be very discreet. I will handle Operations, given a little time and patience. I am aware that patience is not your strong suit, Nikita, but necessary if this is to be ‘satisfactory’ for everyone.

Nikita leveled at look at Madeline. “Just what do you mean by discreet, Madeline?” Now that Nikita knew one of them wasn’t going to die, her spirit was beginning to come back.

Just go back to being what you were before. Standoffish, conflicted. It shouldn’t be too difficult. You’ve been doing it for several years. Alternate relationships would be ideal, but I suppose that would be out of the question,” Madeline suggested with the elevation of one eyebrow.

“Yes,” Michael said in his husky voice. His left hand caressed Nikita’s right, claiming her.

“I don’t want to be with anyone but Michael. No more substitutes, Madeline,” offered Nikita as she thought of her earlier experience with Jurgen.

“What about when we’re away from Section, Madeline?” Nikita looked first at Michael, then at Madeline, who returned her steady gaze.

“If you can be extremely discreet, using whatever scrambling devices you can come up with. Michael, you don’t seem to have a problem with that. You must be very low key, and if this situation becomes calmer and less obvious for a while, Operations will come to see this as I do. Can the two of you do this? Michael, I am sure you can. Nikita, can you continue to function in this scenario?” Madeline received the answer she expected.

“Yes. But for how long, Madeline? How much longer do we have to play games?” Nikita had finally stopped shivering, and she wanted some kind of answer.

“I can’t honestly tell you, but I don’t think it will be long. Don’t forget. This has to start with an apology from you to Operations. Make it a good one would be my advice.” Madeline rose, and they both knew the interview was over.

Michael and Nikita waited in the lobby for his car to be brought around. “The doorman knew you, Michael. How is that?” Nikita asked with a questioning look on her face. She watched him closely for his response.

“It doesn’t matter, Nikita. That is the past,” Michael said cryptically and looked away, unable to meet her azure gaze.

**************

“Okay. It’s the past.” Nikita gave him a sharp look. She had always wondered about Michael and Madeline, and tonight had only raised more questions. “What about now? What are we going to do tonight?”

“What do you want to do, Nikita?” Michael asked softly. He did not want to press her either way knowing her emotional state was still fragile. He knew did not want to be alone, and he did not want to leave her alone.

His train of thought was interrupted by the Valet bringing Michael’s car. Michael opened Nikita’s door and kissed her softly on the lips as she curled up on the leather seat.

Opening his own door, he sat down and pulled his long legs inside. He leaned back in the seat and sighed deeply.

“Let’s drive for a bit. We don’t have to decide right now. Let’s go have dinner,” he suggested. “What would you like to have?”

Nikita’s devilish smile came into play, and she looked at him over her gold rimmed glasses. “Well, I guess ‘you’ would be out of the question.”

“Not necessarily,” he said with a twitch of his mouth, “but I think for the moment, we should avoid the car.”

“Well, it does bring back memories of this morning.” Nikita leaned over to caress his muscular thigh with her hand.

“Ni-ki-ta.” Michael shook his head and sighed again. She was incorrigible.

“Let’s drive, Michael, and have dinner. I haven’t eaten all day.” Nikita started sucking on her own fingers.

“We’re not far from a little place called Romano’s.. They have excellent Italian food. Very Casual atmosphere. Is that okay?” he asked as he tried to maintain his equanimity. It was very difficult to do with Nikita caressing his thigh, but, no, her hand had now moved somewhat higher. Michael knew he was going to miss another meal.

Nikita’s eyes met his and assented, “Italian will be fine, Michael.” Just looking into his silver-green eyes made shivers ripple down Nikita’s back.

“Did I mention that they have rooms at Romano’s as well? It’s sort of an Italian Inn,” he said breathlessly as Nikita’s hands were still moving recklessly.

“That will be fine, too, Michael,” she said as she draped one arm around his neck as he drove hurriedly toward their destination.

They arrived in less than fifteen minutes, but by that time Michael and Nikita were desperate in their need. Nikita’s hands had made driving quite a chancy proposition, but Michael managed to avoid all major obstacles like other cars and people. The inn was an old half-timbered Tudor style house on the outskirts of the city. A small discreet sign said ‘Romano’s.’

“We should maybe check in first in order to obtain a room before we eat dinner.” Michael suggested.

“Oh, yeah. Very good idea, Michael. Hurry.” Nikita leaned back and wondered where she would be now, if she had not wandered into the wrong dark alley 4 years ago. Was it really the wrong alley, or had their karma merely brought them together again?

Michael hurried. Since it was the tourist off-season, Michael had no difficulty in procuring a room for the night. He brought the key back to the car, and said, “Come on. Our room is upstairs.”

“Michael, we don’t have any luggage. What’ll they think?” Nikita giggled as she tugged her long blue coat around her body.

“They’ll think we’re in love,” Michael said as he stroked her face and brought her face to his to kiss.

************

The room was spacious with exposed dark oak timbers. A large old Elizabethan carved oak bed was the focal point. Heavy damask draperies hung from the tester. Matching gold draperies covered the oriel windows.

Nikita looked around in amazement. “It’s beautiful, Michael. I’ve never seen any place like this. It’s so quaint.” She put her arms around his neck, and he picked her up kissing her as he did. Nikita wrapped her legs around Michael’s waist as he carried her across the room in his strong arms and laid her gently on the bed. Nikita giggled as she sank deeply into the feather bed mattress. “I feel like a princess, Michael.” Nikita reached up and ran her hands through his wavy hair. It was escaping from it’s usual moussed appearance. She let her hands trace his hair line pausing over his widow’s peak. She savored the extravagance of being able to touch him. For tonight, he was hers. No one knew where they were, and given just a little luck they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Michael lay beside Nikita, cupping her face in his free hand. He cuddled her to him, luxuriating in her nearness and sweetness. He began to kiss her mouth gently and tenderly. He wanted this night to last forever. Nikita seemed to understand his mood and did not press for more. Slowly he unbuttoned her blouse baring her breasts to his view and his lips. Nikita shivered as he caressed her breasts and abdomen with his hands and his lips. Michael was shuddering with desire as well. He wanted to claim her as his for all time, but for all he knew, this could be their last night together.

Nikita pulled Michael’s tee shirt over his head destroying forever the careful curls. She marveled once again at the perfection of his chest and ran her hands languorously over his shoulders and down his chest to the waist of his trousers.

Michael stopped her hands as she tried to unfasten the belt. “No rush. I want to look at you,” he said softly as pulled her closer to him. “I want to touch you all night, and kiss you. I want to learn every inch of your body so that I never can lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Michael. I’m not going anywhere without you again,” Nikita vowed huskily. “Take off the rest of your clothes. I want to see all of you.”

Michael reluctantly released Nikita from his arms. He stood and in one swift motion had removed his trousers. His perfect body was revealed to her. His arousal was dramatically visible. He stood here and let her observe him for a moment.

“Michael, don’t you ever wear underwear?” she asked with a smile, because she already knew the answer.

“No,” he rasped. The tension was building within, but he was not ready to start the dynamic contact that would ultimately end in the rush to release that tension. “I seem to be underdressed while you are still overdressed. Do you think some adjustment can be made here?” he asked her.

Nikita teasingly obliged by slowly removing her leather mini-skirt. White lace bikini briefs came off next, which were twirled and tossed and landed on Michael’s shoulder. “Well, we seem to be equal now, Michael.”

“Yes,” he breathed as he picked her up and gave her tummy a long luscious lick.

Nikita’s long legs wrapped around his waist. “Yes,” he said again and again the rest of the night, as they made love again and again, savoring each new discovery and moment.

***********

Michael had arranged for breakfast when reserving the room the night before, but the sharp knock came abruptly awakening Michael from his deep and dreamless sleep.

Nikita’s head moved slightly, and one turquoise eye opened to look at Michael with a question. Michael who was much more alert, jumped out of the bed and headed for the door. “Michael! You’re naked,” Nikita laughed.

Michael shrugged and grinned as he grabbed the top sheet and wrapped it around his waist. Nikita, who was left in all her blonde glory, scrambled to pull the damask spread over her body and heaved a pillow at Michael’s retreating backside.

Michael opened the door to the maid with “Kate” emblazoned on her name tag. “I’ve brought breakfast, sir. You said 8AM exactly.” She took in the scene and blushed. She was used to awakening guests, but the man who opened this door was a Greek god, except his ‘toga’ seemed on the verge of slipping to the floor. Oh, that it would, she thought.

“Merci. Over here by the window?” He motioned where he wanted her to place the breakfast cart. Nikita saw the maid blush and started to blush herself. Only Michael could stand there wrapped in a sheet and be so unaware of his impact on the maid.

Kate left the room as quickly as she could. Never had she felt she so intrusive as she did on this morning. The very air was rife with the smell of their sex. Working the evening shift was much easier, she decided as she fled down the hall.

“Umm, look what all we have, Michael. This is wonderful. I could eat a horse.”

Michael had ordered the works: Eggs Benedict, Juice, Cappuccino, strawberries, jam, croissants. Nikita attacked the fare with gusto. “Finding time to eat is getting to be sort of a problem, isn’t it, Michael?” Nikita leered at Michael as she saw him swallow an entire croissant in one voracious bite.

“Mmm. Oui, ma petite.” Michael downed his cup of cappuccino and looked into Nikita’s eyes. “Je t’aime, Nikita.” He reached and stroked her face and took the time to wipe jam from her cheek. He sucked the jam off his fingers, and Nikita felt herself start shivering. with waves of desire.

“I love you, Michael.” Nikita took his fingers to her mouth and sucked them using her tongue to tease each one. She could feel Michael’s body shudder as he became more aroused. As one they stood. Michael enfolded Nikita in his arms and simply held her. They cherished this minute that passion, sensuality, and love that joined into one perfect pure moment of bliss. Tears spilled down Nikita’s face and Michael’s eyes were shinier than she had ever seen them. If only this moment could last forever was the thought in both their minds.

***************

Madeline saw Michael and Nikita together in her office at 9AM. She gave them the game plan, and her attitude made it obvious that no deviation was expected. "Each of you will apologize to Operations, separately. Nikita first, then you Michael. You will both admit to inappropriate behavior and Nikita will also admit to insubordination. There is too much going on right now for much more than that. There will be a mission briefing at 1PM, and both of you will need to be there. Nikita, I know you haven't had much downtime since your Colombian mission, but it is unavoidable given our resources at this time."

Madeline's voice was calm and measured as always. She observed them closely to gauge their emotional states. Nikita looked radiant, and there was no way to hide that certain look of having just made love. Michael simply looked wary as he always did in her presence.

Nikita looked at Michael. His eyes met hers, and she intuitively knew he wanted her to make no response. "All right," Michael answered. As one they turned together and started to leave.

"Michael, one moment please." Madeline called him back. Michael let a silent sigh escape and turned around to face her. She was smiling. "I assume from the way Nikita looks this morning that the two of you had a good evening after you left me last night."

"Madeline, would knowing the answer to that, help you accomplish your next mission?" Michael challenged her need to know the details of his night with Nikita, and he couldn’t resist using her own words against her.

A genuine smile crossed Madeline's face. "Touche, Michael. I don't need an answer when I can see it in front of me. That's all." Madeline turned back to her computer screen, and Michael was finally able to leave her office.

***************

Operations paced as he talked to George at the Agency. "I know we have to act now, George, but I have to have time to put together a mission profile that can succeed. I can't just throw operatives at the target and 'hope' it gets resolved. We don't have the manpower to waste on a scatter-gun approach. " He paused as he listened, "I'll let you know when we're ready," he said as the connection was broken.

Operations looked up and saw Nikita standing in the door. "I can come back," she started, not really wanting to have to apologize.

"No, what is it? Madeline told me you wanted to speak to me." There was the sound of irritation in his voice, and Nikita could tell he was under a lot of stress.

"I just want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday and for my behavior earlier as well." Nikita's voice died as she finished the sentence. She swallowed and made another attempt, "my behavior was inappropriate yesterday morning and insubordinate yesterday afternoon, and for that I am sorry. I accept full responsibility for all my actions." There, she thought, I’ve crawled on my belly, and her eyes showed her thoughts as they usually did.

"Do you think I have changed my mind about the advisability of your relationship with Michael? I haven't!' Operations cold blue eyes bore into hers.

"Do you still want to cancel one of us?" Nikita couldn't believe her ears. Surely he would not hold to the statement of the day before. An apology hadn’t served any purpose that she could see.

"As I said yesterday, Nikita. That will be up to the two of you. If you continue to perform according to Section standards, there should not be a problem, but I do not ever want to hear about anything remotely resembling yesterday morning's incident again." Operations face grew red as he finished his statement. "That will be all, Nikita."

Nikita nodded, turned and left Operations office without another word. She continued down the hall, and as she passed Michael she gave him a subtle wink and half smile. Michael breathed a sigh of relief as he headed to Operation’s office himself. At least she appeared to be following the game plan, he thought

***************

Michael walked into Therese’s office at the stroke of 10 and sat down in his usual place. He pulled out the PAS419 unit and activated it. He did this naturally and with economy of motion. Therese knew she had never seen a man so graceful, but stopped her conscious thoughts from taking her any farther. “Good morning, Michael. It is good to see that you are here. I never know for sure, given your line of work.” She motioned at the coffee that was waiting for him.

He gratefully took a sip and smiled, “It is the same for me. I am on ‘administrative duties’ for the next six weeks, so I should be able to make these appointments. I only missed because of a mission that required me to be available for tactical. Nikita was on that mission with another Team Leader. We were being tested to see if we could both function apart. She was tested doubly, because she and the Team Leader had a difficult relationship. He is very resentful of me as well, and there was a lot of harassing both in Section and on the mission.”

“Had, Michael?” she asked. “You used the past tense when speaking of their relationship and the present tense when speaking of his and your relationship.”

“Well, Nikita saved his life by taking out shooters behind him, and now he is ‘fond’ of her, I’m told. That fondness has not extended to me.” He smiled ruefully.

“Does that make you jealous, Michael?” Therese prodded, wanting him to bare his soul further. After all that is why he’s here, she thought.

“Not at this point the our relationship, but I would have earlier, when we were so busy hiding how we felt from each other and trying to hide it from everyone else. It has been very difficult for me to open up to Nikita, and I am only getting used to the idea that we can share our feelings--at least with each other.”

“Let’s see what we have covered thus far. You have talked about your wife and son and their loss. You have talked some about your feelings for Nikita, your earlier jealousy when she was involved with the man who turned out to be a child slaver. You have told me how you manipulated her feelings for you in order to keep her from trying to escape the Agency in order to save her life.”

“ How did you get to the point where you could actually share your feelings. There is a big gap between manipulating ‘her’ feelings and sharing ‘your’ feelings with her. Tell me about the change, Michael.” Therese knew this might take more that one visit, but Michael would gain immeasurably from the retelling and the re-evaluation that the passage of time could bring.

Michael sighed and sipped his coffee, stalling for time and the words.

**************

“The first time I shared my true feelings with Nikita was in the middle of the biggest manipulation that our agency ever perpetrated on her. As always I was the tool.” The anguish sounded in his voice. He looked at Therese with raw emotion in his eyes and abject self-disgust written all over his handsome face.

“The Agency was under attack by a terrorist organization. The complete directory of our agents had fallen into their hands, and they were killing our operatives all over the world. Nikita survived such an attack herself. We were all called in and briefed. We were told that we would not be given the location of the new substation, so that we if we were tortured, we would not be able to reveal the location. At the end of this briefing, I was called to see Operations and Madeline alone. I was given the rest of the mission profile, as well as the location of the new substation. As Nikita and I left together, I told her the location, just in case something should happen to me. She was puzzled, but accepted what I told her.”

“She wasn’t suspicious of your telling her,” Therese asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, not after her initial response. We quickly located our target, and he led us to the location of the organization we sought. Nikita took point and was captured. When I heard the explosion, I killed the target I held and went in to rescue her. I asked for back up, but the profile was enforced. I was to go in alone. I was then captured as well. Nikita had already been tortured. They had put her face in a cage of rats and..... .....fired.....the.....rats. They.....had........chewed......her......face.” Michael could barely stand to describe the scene he had found. “Her beautiful face was covered in the bites of those rats, but she had not broken. She was so brave.”

Michael took a deep breath and continued. “They had all these monitors still attached to her, and when they threw me into the cage next to hers, her heart monitor went wild. It was audible to the Red Cell’s leader and to everyone. After a little more research in the stolen directory, they determined who I was, and that there was more that just a mentor and trainee connection. Nikita and I were kept in cages next to each other. During that time in the cages, I told her that we were not going to get out alive, and that she was the only part of me that wasn’t dead--and this was true. She was and is my light. In the end, after I was tortured, then threatened with drugs that would turn me mad, Nikita broke and gave them the location to save me.”

Michael took a ragged breath as he remembered the moment. “I shouted, ‘Nikita, No!.’ I still don’t know if that was part of the manipulation, or if I really didn’t want her to reveal break and reveal the location. It was ‘necessary’ that they know the location, and they had to believe they had broken Nikita, because it was a trap. I was placed back in a cage and once they left us alone, I had the means for our escape secreted in my clothing.

“Nikita was shocked and wanted to contact the substation immediately to warn them that she had given up the location. When she realized by my response that this was the plan all along, she was disgusted with me. She also took out the leader of Red Cell. He underestimated Nikita. Her profile in the directory, said she would not kill in cold blood, and he gambled that she would not kill him. I supposed that Nikita thought having rats eat her face was provocation enough. Works for me.”

He smiled a rueful, heartbreaking smile. “As we escaped, Nikita was shot. When she was in the Medlab, I waited there with her until I was told she was out of danger and would survive. I went through all the agonies of losing Simone all again, as I watched over her still white form. As she lay there medicated, I leaned over her and told her that ‘it wasn’t all a lie’ and kissed her on the lips. She could not hear me, but I knew for once I had told her the truth about how I felt. And for the first time, I could admit to myself how I really felt, and how much it hurt me to have to hurt her. I made a silent vow to myself to remain close to her side and somehow come to win and deserve her love.”

Of course, after she recovered, she made it very plain that I was someone she would only tolerate because she had no choice. The light that she had brought to me began to dim, until there was only a flicker that I did my best to guard and protect so that it would not go out all together.” Michael sipped on coffee again and made a wry face at its cold temperature. “There are so many more things between then and now. I am still not sure how it happened.”

Therese looked at Michael and saw that he was still tormented and not relieved by the telling of this experience. “Michael, my 12:00 appointment is canceled. Would you like to continue?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “I would be grateful for more of your time today.”

“What happened next, Michael?”

“Nikita kept things on a very professional level. She was still on my team, but she seemed to be deteriorating before my eyes until, she totally blew a mission because she could not cancel someone she had been ordered to cancel. There was no way to rescue this innocent. He had entirely too much information for us to allow him to live, and he was wired with explosives. There were incoming hostiles and we were greatly outnumbered. I told her to cancel him in order to contain the damage already done. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t kill someone in cold blood.”

“From what I understand, she talked with M about the ‘mishap’ and was plainly suicidal from what M told me. The tensions caused by the dichotomy of emotions within Nikita were at an explosive stage. I could almost see her thoughts reeling within her head. I went to her apartment, and I am certain that my interruption kept her from committing suicide. I told her that I couldn’t protect her anymore. She asked why I ever did. I told her she’d be dead if I hadn’t. She responded by saying that I seemed to care more about that than she did. ‘Why can’t you just do the job?’ I asked her. I couldn’t tell her that I loved her more than my life itself. That was why I really cared.”

“’Because I’m not who you think I am. I never killed anybody before I came into the Agency’ is what she told me. I had never been able to admit to myself that she was anything but a homeless kid who killed a cop, but this night, I knew it was the truth. I ran my hands through her hair and pulled her close to me. I told her that I couldn’t help her and that ‘I wished things could be different for us.’ We held each other that night. It was not a sensual moment but a moment of truth and sharing and understanding. We both were comforted, but I remained uneasy about the future, especially Nikita’s future.”

Therese held up a hand for him to pause. “Tina,” she called, “More coffee please.” Again Tina managed to bring it in without spilling or tripping because ‘he’ was still there.

“Then what happened, Michael?” she probed.

*******************

“There was a final mission to eliminate the organization that had kidnapped the young explosives expert, that Nikita had not been able to cancel later. He was to be eliminated period. The mission profile was given to me this time. Normally, I collect all the data, and develop the profile myself as team leader. Six abeyance operatives were to be used. In other words, it was a suicide mission. I felt very uneasy about this profile being dumped in my lap, especially since I was the only one other that M and O who knew the true mission. I felt a contingency plan might be needed, and it was. Nikita came down the hall as mission loading started. She was the sixth operative. Even though I thought I was prepared in my mind that she might be on the team, the shock of seeing her come down that hall rocked me to my core. This was the end for Nikita and me. At the end of this mission, she would either be free of the Agency or dead.”

“After our moment together, Nikita had pulled herself together. It was obvious from her attitude and the way she looked. She even touched my arm and smiled as she went by. After she left me for the van, I turned and there was Madeline watching me. Whether the message came subliminally or I simply wanted to believe that Madeline meant for me to help Nikita escape, there was something in her eyes that said it was all up to me now. It was another test as well, and I couldn’t afford to fail it or Nikita.”

Michael’s voice began to falter as he related the rest of his story. He sipped his coffee taking comfort in its heat and stimulant. “The mission went as planned. There was no exit strategy for the abeyance operatives, but I had given Nikita a PDA communicator. I told her we could communicate from anywhere in case her comm unit should fail, and sent her off to die in the explosion if she did not listen to me.”

“The PDA was programmed to beep and send her the message. ‘Suicide mission, you’re free, don’t return.’ There was a minor rebellion in the tactical van when one of the tactical ops. realized none of the other operatives would be returning. Nikita had always been a favorite of his, and I had to pull a gun on him to keep to the mission profile. We all held our breaths as the countdown reached zero. The explosion destroyed the site, and I could not know until later whether Nikita had made it out in time. I called Operations to let them know the mission was completed. Those were the bitterest words I ever spoke. The taste of them in my mouth was as bitter as bile.”