I LOVE MIKEY, OR HONEY, I WANT TO BE A SECRET AGENT

The tall blonde opened the door to her apartment, and called out, “Mikey, I’m home!” She smiled as her tall handsome house-husband came rushing to greet her with a passionate French kiss. He really ought to stop wearing that frilly apron, she thought, but he was such a good cook and kisser, that she was willing to put up with a few eccentricities. And he was a wonderful father, taking such good care of little Nikki everyday. Her head swam as she began to think about all the other things he did so wonderfully, too. She unwillingly broke the passionate kiss and embrace. “What’s for dinner, Mikey? I’m starved.”

“Tough day at Section 1, Ni-ki-ta? “ he asked in the French accent that pervaded his speech, and drove her wild with passion. “I don’t know why you can’t come home for lunch like some other wives do. I get so lonely without you, and only ma petite Nikki to talk to. Especially now that she’s in the kindergarten. I don’t know why you won’t let me come down to Section 1. I could help you with your missions in the mornings when Nikki is in kindergarten. I could even be a secret agent, if you would just give me a chance, Ni-ki-ta. I’ve always wanted to be a secret agent, and it’s just not fair that you won’t even let me try.” Mikey’s green eyes teared up, and a little Gallic pout appeared on his divine lips.

Nikita moaned in frustration. “Mikey, we’ve been through this before. I don’t want you to work. I make enough money for us to live quite nicely. I want you to be here for Nikki when she comes home. It’s important that she have a stable home life, since I am away so much. Being a secret government agent may seem very glamorous to you, but it’s no picnic, believe me.”

Mikey had heard all this before. and he was prepared. “Ma cheri, Ni-ki-ta, “ he said as he began to kiss her again on the lips. Down her neck his tongue traced trails of fire....

“Mikey, don’t start this again....ooh, Mikey.” Mikey was quick with his tongue (one of two his major weapons in his war with Nikita), for he was already divesting her of her clothes, and going for the tummy lick. “Ooooh, Mikey,” she groaned. "Where’s little Nikki?” Mikey had already picked Nikita up and was carrying her to the dinner table. If Nikita knew anything else from experience with this scenario, Mickey’s other major weapon was ready for battle, too.

“That nice lady, Maddy, next door is keeping her. I told her we needed some special time together tonight.” How he managed to say all this and still continue using his tongue all over her tummy, Nikita could not understand for the life of her. At this point Nikita stopped offering arguments and surrendered again to her passionate husband. It just seemed like to her that all their arguments ended this way, and nothing was ever settled. Her last coherent thought was that “Maddy” had Nikki, and Mikey had no idea just who Maddy really was.

************

After lengthy and passionate lovemaking that moved from the dinner table to the floor, and finally to the bed, Mikey was sleeping all curled up against Nikita. His soft snore was comforting, and she couldn’t imagine life without him or their child Nikki. Nikki looked like her with blonde hair, but she had Mikey’s green eyes. Why he couldn’t be satisfied to stay home with such a beautiful child, Nikita did not understand.

Ops. and Maddy were living next door! Ops. and Maddy were Nikita’s and Mikey’s landlords, or at least that is all Mikey knew. In reality they were Nikita’s overseers in the world of government espionage at Section1. How they ever talked her into buying a condo in their building, she still wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the underlying threat that was always there in the background. Nikita had been well-trained. Most of the time she did what she was told, and she was told to buy the condo. Her work life seemed very glamorous to Mikey, and he was constantly barraging her with his desires to fulfill himself professionally as well as personally.

He wanted to be a secret agent. Nikita couldn’t think of anyone more unlikely to be a secret agent. His face was an open book, and simple dissembling was beyond him. Fortunately, once he made love to her, he would forget about his lack of professional growth, and go back to being contented with his role in her life--for at least a couple of hours. Nikita drifted off to sleep herself, and dreamt of a different Mikey. His name was Michael, and he was a secret agent, and he was her trainer. “Michael!!” she shouted in her sleep and woke Mikey.

“What is it, ma petite? Wake up, you are having a bad dream, no?” he asked with concern in his soft voice. “Bad dream, no. It was a $#@%ing nightmare.” she murmured into his strong shoulder.

************

The next day Mikey had a plan. He would take Nikita her lunch, and scope out where she worked. Since she insisted her work was so secret, he had no idea where she worked, so he would have to follow her first. He really wanted company on this little mission, but he knew his best friend Bob could not be trusted to keep a secret like this. Bob was the only other house husband in the building, and he was a notorious gossip.

He and Bob had had a lot good times together-taking their children to the park, shopping, and how Mikey loved to shop! Nikita never wore anything but black, but Mikey had a style all his own. He really favored a retro style, and just loved the leisure suits of the early 70’s. He had them in all colors--blue, yellow, tan, even a green one, but no black ones. He personally hated black, but it suited Nikita somehow. Of course, Nikita always looked lovely, and he adored his wife in black or in nothing at all.

Little Nikki was already at kindergarten, because Maddy had offered to keep her all night and take her there this morning. He dressed carefully for his first secret mission, because he wanted to be discreet and blend in with the people on the street. Section 1 must be close by because Nikita walked to work most days. For his ensemble he chose a light blue poor boy sweater, and faded hip-hugger, bell-bottomed jeans. Three or four chains around his neck, and a red bandanna tied around his head, and he was ready.

Mikey rushed out of the condo and gazed up the street. Ah, there she is swinging along, in her rolling stride, her blonde head held high. It is good she is so tall and blonde, he thought, or I would have a more difficult time following her.

Nikita turned into a large discount store. KMart? Wonder what she’s going there for, he mused. Maybe to buy Nikki or me a present. That would be nice. Mikey ducked behind a column to keep Nikita from seeing him as she turned and looked around at the staff elevator. Did Nikita work at K-Mart? Was all the stuff about being a secret agent, just BS? Could the love of his heart be this dishonest with him? Oh, his heart was breaking. Now he would never get to be a secret agent, if Nikita wasn’t one either. He watched her punch the down button 3 times, then 2 times, then 1. Pretty impatient with that elevator, wasn’t she. The elevator came and Nikita stepped in, lost to him for the moment.

Mikey walked over to the staff elevator. He would just have to see for himself where she worked and what she actually did. He punched the button once and waited. “That elevator’s always broken. Hardly ever works,” a pleasant man mopping the floor to his left said.

“But I just saw my wife get on it. It must work,” Mikey said indignantly.

“No, buddy, I think you must be mistaken. I’ve been working here for 5 years, and I’m tellin’ you it don’t work.”

The man was large and looked fit, but Mikey who spent a lot of time working out to Jane Fonda tapes thought he could take him. “Dammit! I just saw my wife get on this elevator, and I’m going after her, you bozo.” At this Michael shoved at the man, but he stood firm like a rock. The pleasant man was no longer so pleasant and made some kind of kung-fu move, which left Mikey on the floor feeling a little stunned.

“Hey, Birkoff, got a little problem up here at access point A.” The man was talking to whom? Mikey could see no one else around. “Okay, okay, I’ll bring him down. Are you sure about this, Birkoff?” he asked in a puzzled voice.

************

The large, puzzled, not so pleasant man pulled Mikey to his feet. “Come on, I don’t know who you are, but they do down there.” Mikey shook the man’s hands off him angrily.

“I just wanted to see my wife for lunch, you philistine. You didn’t have to knock me down.” Mikey was angry and embarrassed.

“Yeah, well, I have my orders,” he said as he punched the elevator button 3 times, 2 times, and 1 time--just as Nikita had.

Mikey was observant, a code, “Cool,” he said. They stepped on the elevator, and there was only one button--S1. After going down for what seemed like forever, the elevator stopped. Mikey stepped out, and looked around. He was amazed. There were computers, people, graphics. Mikey had a feeling he wasn’t in K-Mart anymore.

Nikita stepped forward to greet him, but she looked really pissed off, like one of those terrible PMS days. “Ni-ki-ta,” he began.

“Michael, uh Mikey, what are you doing here? Have you lost your mind? How did you find me?” Nikita the interrogator stood there, tapping her foot. Then she realized about fifty pairs of eyes were watching this scene. “Come with me to my office. We have to talk.”

Mikey followed, but he was very energized by the situation. His walk swaggered, but he could barely keep up with Nikita. The female operatives did not fail to notice, that in spite of his bizarre idea of style, his butt was primo, he had long curly hair that waved around his handsome face, and he had dancing green eyes. “Wow, “ said Gail to Angela “No wonder Nikita keeps him at home. It wouldn’t be safe to let him out alone. “ Together they laughed, and hearing this laughter, Nikita turned around and gave them her killing look.

“What the hell are you doing heah,?” she asked, and her Aussie accent was thick with emotion and some fear as well. What would Ops. and Maddy do when they found out Mikey had blundered his way in to Section 1. Hell, they probably already knew! She was in deep ca-ca, and she knew it.

“I just wanted to surprise you for lunch, ma petite, so I followed you this morning to see where you went. Then you went into KMart, and I was confused. I saw you go down the elevator, and when I tried, I ended up on the floor, and then here.” He explained quickly, because he was already trying to undress her. He started kissing her neck and ear....

“Michael, uh, Mikey, stop it. This is not the place to make love. I’m at work here, and I’m probably in deep trouble now that you have found your way into Section 1. I don’t know if they’ll let you go,” she wailed at that thought.

“What do you mean “let me go?” he asked. “Can’t they just let me be a secret agent like you? I know I could do it,” he said ingenuously as he started to remove her blouse.

Nikita had Mikey’s arm twisted behind his back, and his face against the wall of her office before he could cry “uncle.” “Oh, really, Mikey. Do you have any idea what I do here? You have some notion that being a government agent means working 9-5 with weekends off. I kill terrorists who kill other people for a living, Mikey. Is that what you want to do?” Nikita was brutal with the truth.

“I could kill someone if you or Nikki were in danger, ma pet. I could do it in a heart--” Mikey’s answer was cut off by the shrill of Nikita’s phone.

“Yes, right away. We’ve got to go see Operations. Come on, they’re waiting for us, “ Nikita said grimly as she lead the way to the cat walk office of Operations. Mikey followed Nikita dejectedly, but the opinion still reigned among the female ops. that his butt was primo, his hair wonderful, and the sad look on his face made them all want to do something to make him feel better. ************

The lights were bright, and Mikey was startled to see Maddy from next door and her husband Fred sitting there looking at him sternly. “Ni-ki-ta, what is going on? Why are Fred and Maddy here? “ Mikey was very confused. The neighbors could be here and HE couldn’t.

“Mikey, Fred is really Operations, the head of Section 1, and Maddy is Madeline, his second in command. They are going to decide whether you live or die, and maybe me too.”

“Oh.” Mikey’s green eyes grew troubled.

“Mikey, God, Nikita, is that what you call him all the time? How about Mike. That sounds a lot more adult, doesn’t it. Okay, Mike, “ Operations started.

“Yeah, that’s fine, he responded, not sure anymore who he or Nikita were anymore.

“Well, Mike, we have a problem here. First of all, we’re a secret government agency, the most clandestine on the planet, and it’s up to us to get all the bad guys and criminals that the others can’t get. You shouldn’t even know we exist, much less who and where we are. Can you see our dilemma here, Mike? “

Madeline sat through all this, stoic as always, her brown eyes wide and unblinking. Nikita could never figure out what Maddy was thinking, but she knew she was already several steps ahead of where ever Ops. was going.

“Oh, I already knew you existed, Ni-ki-ta told me. I’ve always known she was a government agent, and I want to be one too,” he said earnestly.

Nikita rolled her eyes and sighed. I am in deep ca-ca again, she thought.

Operations eyes snapped to Nikita, and if looks could kill, she would be canceled already. Madeline blinked.

Mikey was beginning to become a little perturbed and uneasy. It sounded like these people, his neighbors, were getting ready to play hardball with his Nikita. Without thinking Mikey jumped over the desk and had Operations around the neck. “Leave my Ni-ki-ta alone, you a**hole, or I’ll break your neck.”

Madeline blinked, and a pensive look came over her face. “Michael, let him go. We’re not going to hurt Nikita or you. She is too valuable an operative to let a little misunderstanding get out of hand. “ Operations turned startled eyes to Madeline as if asking what in the hell are you up to now. As Michael loosened his grip, the color began to come back into Operations face, and he could breathe again, he said it, “What the hell are you up to now?”

Nikita was stunned and frozen in position. All color had drained from her face as Michael had attacked Ops.

Madeline looked at all of them. “Michael, sit down.”

Michael looked around angrily and remained standing.

“Sit down!!” she shouted. Tamely Michael sat.

She leaned over him and stroked his tan cheek. We can teach you to fight and kill, but your greatest weapon is your sensual masculinity. We can use him,” she stated simply to Ops and Nikita.

“Like hell!” shouted Nikita energized once she realized Michael wasn’t going to be canceled in front of her eyes.

“Nikita, it’s that or you know what the other alternative is......” Ops began.

Michael put his arm around Nikita. “I told you I could kill to protect you or Nikki. This will be my job now--protecting you and Nikki. I will do whatever I have to do to keep you safe from harm. Nothing else matters.

“But what about Nikki, what are we supposed to do about her? Michael’s going to be in training for 2 years. What am I supposed to do for child care? It’s not like Section 1 has a day care center down here.”

“Reality check, Ni-ki-ta. My friend Bob can keep Nikki along with little Nina. It’s not impossible. We won’t be the only family with both parents working. We’ll manage. You’ll see.” He kissed her cheek. His green eyes were shining with excitement.

“But you’ll have to live here at Section for 2 years. What are we going to do Michael? They have cameras everywhere! We won’t be able to be together in private.”

Michael’s eyes grew big at the thought of no private moments with his Nikita for two years. He turned and looked at Operations and Madeline.

“Considering your motivation, Michael, I think an exception can be made to the living arrangements. You will continue to live at home. You will train here, and you will learn here, but you will go home at night to Nikita. Nikita will NOT be your trainer, since she would have no objectivity whatsoever in your training. Nikita will continue in her status as a Level Two Operative. Any more questions?” Operations asked.

“Who will be his trainer?” Nikita asked.

Madeline smiled her Mona Lisa smile and said, “Jurgen.”

FINIS et BON SOIR

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