No, Michael decided, experiencing a crushing let-down after a brief surge of excitement and hope. That couldn't be it. Key West was too far for Brian to have traveled to, placed the antidote, and come back. The antidote had to be some place closer, some place right nearby….

Michael sat up straight, his eyes coming wide open. Section. The antidote could be right here in Section. It was where they had met, after all, where they encountered each other the most. It could be in Medlab, in Brian's office. The two of them had had several heart to heart discussions there, had gone over what they meant to each other…

Michael rubbed his chin, his mind running furiously. There had been that one time, he remembered, just after they had been forced to make love together for Bauer on that wrenchingly difficult mission. Brian, his emotions raw and confused, had wanted to know if Michael resented him, if he were disgusted or repelled by what they had done. Michael had been quick to reassure the tender-hearted young doctor that, on the contrary, he held no animosity for him at all, but regarded him as a trusted friend. Michael had even kissed Brian then, just to prove his point, that the two of them had nothing to be ashamed of.

Was that the moment Brian meant? Michael wondered in distress. Or was it yet another time? Was the antidote hidden in the Section cell where they had made love under the unflinching gaze of the camera, or was it in Madeleine's office, perhaps, the place where they had first met?

Merde, Michael cursed softly under his breath. Damn it, where could it be? His stomach surged violently with anger again. How could Brian have done this? He sucked in a sharp breath, gazed over to his unconscious young lover on the bed, and struggled to calm himself.

As much as he might be furious with Brian for this terrifying power play, for risking himself, Michael could only feel a deep admiration and respect for his friend's courage, and a tender warmth of gratitude in his heart for Brian's love. Only a true friend would have put his life on the line for him like this. Somehow, it didn't seem a surprising thing for the brave young doctor to do. Brian loved him; there was nothing Michael was more sure of than that…

But WHEN had they realized that? When had he and Brian, like the clue said, "figured out how much they loved each other"? It seemed to Michael that there had been no one moment more significant than another. The bond between them had been there from the beginning, something fated, a given in the Universe. They were meant to be friends, they were destined to be important to each other, to be….

Brothers. That was what they really were to each other. They were more than friends, more than lovers. They were bonded in a tie that went so much deeper than that.

Brothers. That's what Brian had considered himself and Michael to be. To him, that was the nature of their relationship. Brian had begged Michael once to declare that brothers were just what they were. It had happened that anguished wrenching time in Brian's apartment, when Michael had stupidly misjudged how Brian felt about him and had come on to the young doctor by slipping into his bed, out of a sense of obligation, not passion. Brian had been angry and hurt, both on his own and Michael's behalf. He had made it quite clear that he expected nothing from Michael in the way of payment for his affection and devotion- Michael owed Brian nothing, as far as he was concerned, for the help and support- for the LOVE- that he had freely given.

Fortunately, Brian had forgiven him, right there, and then had confessed to Michael almost fearfully the nature of the relationship with him that he truly desired. "I want to be…. Your brother…." Brian had offered, almost timidly. Michael had been overjoyed at Brian's understanding and forgiveness, and also overcome with how RIGHT that felt. They had fallen into each other's arms, hugging, and Michael had declared the truth of exactly what they meant to each other.

"You ARE my brother, Brian…" Michael had told him, choking back tears. "You ARE…."

That was IT! Michael thought, standing up swiftly from the bed. He let out a gasping sigh as the relief of this discovery hit him. That was the moment that Brian's clue was about….

Michael raced to the wall and slammed his hand forcefully down on the com unit. "Madeleine!" he screamed, his eyes never leaving the still form on the next bed. "I have it! Let me out!"

He was answered a few seconds later when the locked door swung open for him automatically. Michael ran for it frantically, but then turned back, pausing in the threshold for a brief, agonized moment. He stared at Brian, and then rushed to his friend's side.

Michael reached out his hand to take Brian's in his; he thought he felt Brian's fingers stir in response, but he couldn't be sure. He leaned forward and placed his lips near Brian's ear. "Hold on, mon frere, mon Amour…" he begged hoarsely. "My brother, don't leave me…"

Michael pressed his lips firmly to Brian's forehead in a swift, desperate kiss, and then ran out into the corridor, intent on rescuing his life-long friend, just as Brian had rescued him.

On the bed, Brian stirred in his deep sleep and murmured a name, a faint smile tracing his lips. "Michael…." He moaned softly. "Michael…"

************

In the end, Madeleine's carefully laid plan to send the retrieval team out for the antidote came to naught. Michael, dressed now in his usual black attire, appeared in her office ten minutes later, a determinedly stubborn look on his face.

"I'm going to get the antidote," he informed her tensely, as if waiting for her to protest this decision. "Alone."

Section's Chief Strategist stared at him thoughtfully, assessing this new development. After what he had been through that day, she would have preferred to have Michael stay in Section where he could be monitored, but one look at his clenched jaw and she knew this was one battle she would never win. There was no way Michael would stay put and let the team go without him. Not now, not with Brian's life at stake.

"There's not much time," Michael choked out impatiently, almost twitching with anxiety. "It'll be faster if I do the retrieval myself."

Madeleine nodded, unable to find fault with this argument. Her main concern was that Michael might relapse, or pass out, or have some other unfortunate side-effects from the de-programming. But the risk of something worse than that happening to Michael were much greater if she DIDN'T let him go. If Brian died, the damage to Michael would be incalculable. Madeleine knew Michael well enough to know that Michael would blame himself for Brian's death. He may never recover from the burden of guilt, let alone an emotional loss of that magnitude. She was just beginning to realize, after this latest experiment, just how deeply the bond between these two men went.

"Very well," she acquiesced with a soft sigh. "You can go…."

He gave a relieved nod of his head, and turned on his heel, already heading toward the doorway. Madeleine threw a warning shot at his back. "I'm sending the team to follow you," she called out to him firmly. "In case you need help."

She saw Michael stiffen in the doorway, his back going rigid, but he did not turn around. There was no time.

"Tell them to stay out of my way," he cautioned her, throwing the words back over his shoulder. Then he was gone, as softly as a black shadow in the night. Madeleine stood staring thoughtfully after him for a long time, wondering if this time she had pushed her best and toughest operative too far. Even machines had breaking points, she mused grimly to herself.

She sighed again, and slumped wearily into the chair behind her desk. It had been a long day, and it was not over yet. She prayed fervently that it would end better than it started. It appeared on the surface that they had saved one man, and were about the save the other. But she realized suddenly that that was not the way of it. Michael and Brian's fates were somehow inextricably bound. In the next few hours both men's futures would be decided. Either both of them would be saved, or both of them would be lost. There could be not other outcome.

And the idea of losing this particular battle frightened her more than she wanted to admit.

Madeleine closed her eyes and found herself suddenly trembling in her chair. "Good Luck, Michael…" she whispered hoarsely to the empty room. "Good Luck…"

------------------

It didn't take long for Michael to reach Brian's apartment. The gray van dogged him all the way, but Michael floored the accelerator and ignored it. He realized quickly that it was taking all his concentration just to drive the car. He was feeling woozy, the headlights of the oncoming cars blurring in and out of focus like blinking lights on a Christmas tree. By the time he had arrived at the apartment building, Michael was distinctly light-headed. He paused half-way up the stairs as the world spun around him dizzily.

"No…" he groaned roughly, trying not to panic. He couldn't pass out, not now, not YET. With a herculean effort, he took a deep breath and forced himself to go forward. Despite his struggle to keep control over his fading senses, the demands of his exhausted body for rest were overwhelming him. With a soft moan, he crumpled on the stairs, his knees giving way beneath him. Then suddenly, he was falling….

But not far. He was caught almost immediately in a pair of strong arms. Michael felt himself lifted by one of the brawny retrieval team members who had followed him into the apartment building. At first, Michael lay exhausted and quiescent in the burly operative's grasp, too weak to fight him. But then he realized that the guard was carrying him back down the stairs, away from the precious antidote in Brian's apartment. If he didn't stop him now, the guard would be carrying him straight to Brian's funeral…

"No!" Michael choked out a strangled cry, using all his waning strength to lift his head up and clutch at the operative's lapels. "The antidote…" he gasped, struggling, vainly, to bring his captor into focus. The man's face was a featureless blur, the world going dark. With the last fading light of consciousness, Michael screamed out the words to save Brian, although they only came out as a croaked whisper.

"Bedroom…. Apartment 4-A…." he gasped, overcome by anguish. Then he knew no more, as the world, and Michael along with it, spiraled into blackness…..

************

Michael woke with a groan, feeling groggy and nauseous. His limbs felt so heavy he could barely move them. He struggled to lift his arms, and felt them caught, trapped… something was pulling him down…

It was the sheet, he realized. He was in a bed, tucked in, the covers pulled up to his shoulders. He stirred again, this time managing to free his hands from under the bedcovers. With another groan of effort, he sat up, the sheet falling away to reveal his bare arms and white-t-shirted chest. Another glance down revealed that he was also wearing white pajama bottoms.

Michael shook his head, still dizzy. He didn't recall having gone to bed, or having changed clothes. In fact, he didn't recall much of anything. Disoriented and light-headed, he carefully raised his eyes to look around the spinning room.

And saw Brian. The young doctor was lying in the bed beside his , white and still. He was sleeping, Michael thought, or was he… dead? He was so pale…..

Michael moaned harshly as the memories suddenly flooded into his mind. It all came back to him. The drugged disks, the conditioning, the urgent, insatiable longing for Brian, the wrenching moment of utter despair when he had put the gun in his mouth. He remembered as well the torture of the reprogramming, and the even more anguished torture of watching Brian growing weaker by the second as his self-inflicted disease sucked his life away. Then he remembered the worst part, passing out on the apartment stairs just before he could get to the antidote….

"My, God, Brian…." Michael cried, throwing back the blankets and staggering to the other man's bed. "Brian!" he gasped hoarsely, clutching his friend by the shoulders and pulling him up into his arms. "Talk to me, please!"

Brian moaned groggily against Michael's shoulder, and then turned his head and met Michael's frantic, wide green eyes. His own were dark with pain. "Uhhh…" he grunted, squeezing the blue eyes shut again. Overjoyed at this response, Michael shifted Brian in his arms and held him tighter, engulfing him in a fervent embrace.

"You're alive!" Michael sobbed fervently, crushing Brian to his chest and weeping into his hair. "Brian, you're alive…" A bubble of relieved laughter rose in his heart and rumbled out of his lips. He rocked his friend enthusiastically, and then kissed the pale, beard-stubbled cheek.

Brian responded by making a choking sound in the back of his throat, and giving Michael a warning slap on the shoulder…

Fortunately, Michael immediately understood. He grabbed the small basin from the stand by the bed, and held it for Brian as the young doctor heaved up the contents of his stomach painfully into the bowl. Since he hadn't eaten for two days, there wasn't much, but what there was came up with difficulty.

Gently, as if he were tending a small child, Michael rested Brian's shoulders back onto the pillow. The younger man lay gasping weakly for a moment, recovering, and then opened his eyes and gave Michael a half-hearted smile. "Thanks…" he murmured roughly.

Michael smiled gently back. "How do you feel?" he asked his friend urgently.

The doctor's half-smile broadened into a grimace. "Like sh*t, and you?" he responded wryly.

Michael gave a short laugh, relief flooding him with a warm glow that basked his soul in happiness. "Same here," he replied truthfully. He felt tired and sore, like he had been through a marathon, as indeed he had. Physically, he was exhausted. But emotionally, he had found his way home. He felt normal, like himself. He was on solid ground again after having spent what seemed like an eternity drowning in a turbulent sea.

He reached out to caress back a lock of dark hair from Brian's cheek, just to assure himself again that Brian was really alive. The skin that his hand brushed across was no longer cold and pallid. He looked into the intelligent blue eyes that watched him avidly, and knew that the crisis was over.

"They got you the antidote," Michael stated with a deep sigh, nodding in satisfaction. "You'll be all right."

Brian blinked at him, and then peered closely at his friend, focusing all his concentration on Michael's face. He lifted his head off the pillow in an effort to look closer. It was hard to say what it was that was different, but Brian sensed the change right away. Something in the eyes, something in the way Michael held himself, the way he tilted his head, some indefinable gesture that told him that Michael was in control of his emotions again…

"They de-programmed you!" Brian blurted out with a gasp. "You're …Michael again, aren't you?" he asked, wide-eyed.

Michael sighed deeply and then nodded his head, the motion slow and dignified. "Yes," he answered softly, with typical succinctness. "They did."

Brian closed his eyes and fell back, all the air whooshing out of his lungs as the surge of relief he felt overwhelmed him. He found himself involuntarily trembling. "Jesus…" he breathed in a prayer of thanksgiving. "My God, you don't know how terrified I was that I would never have you back again…"

Michael gave him a puzzled look. He understood Brian's relief, but the way the doctor had phrased his expressions had confused him.

"I was always HERE, Brian," he protested softly, frowning. "I never left you…" He gave a short, self-deprecating laugh. "In fact, I was WITH you more than I ever was…" He looked away, scowling thoughtfully. "I was how you wanted me to be…" he went on in a whisper. "In love with you, wanting you…"

Brian caught Michael's hand in his, and held on tight. Blue eyes locked with green, searching deep.

"Michael.." Brian moaned gently. "I wanted you to love me, yes, but not like that.. not like that…" He struggled to sit up, so that he could face Michael better, to convey his feelings. "If you had come to me of your own free will with all that… desire and devotion…." Brian confessed gruffly, "Yes, I would have been thrilled, I admit that. I've always had a secret dream of us being together, and I guess I always will…" the young doctor went on, blushing slightly and looking away. "But what they made you feel for me was… artificial, imposed upon you from the outside…."

His mouth firmed grimly, a look of anguish in the blue eyes. "What they did to you was vile," he spat out in disgust. "They.. FORCED you to feel that way about me…"

His eyes flickered up, liquid with tears of rage. "They.. raped you, emotionally…" Brian licked dry lips and went on nervously. "I was terrified that I would have to rape you too, to keep you alive…"

"What are you talking about? Michael gasped, his eyes wide with shock. He gripped Brian's arm, squeezing hard. "Brian, you would never rape me…" he choked out in astonishment. The idea was inconceivable. "What do you mean?"

The young doctor bit his lip nervously and then turned his head away, too embarrassed to say what he had to say while looking in Michael's face.

"You had a gun in your mouth, remember?" Brian whispered roughly, trembling with the memory. "Because you thought you couldn't have me…" He sighed deeply, shuddering. "What would have happened if the conditioning had continued, if you still felt as intensely about me for months on end, just as you did then?"

He turned his anguished gaze to face Michael then. His lower lip trembled and his eyes were wet. "It took less than a week for you to try to kill yourself over me," he went on hoarsely. "How long would it have been before I would have had to make love to you to keep you from losing it, from trying to commit suicide again?" His face crumpled into tears, his voice breaking on a distraught cry. "How long before I gave in to the temptation to be in your arms again?"

Michael stared at him, still stunned, saying nothing. He hadn't thought about it that way. Til now, he hadn't been rational enough. Still, he didn't quite understand why Brian was so distressed by a scenario that had never happened.

"Shh, Brian, it's okay now…" he soothed his agitated friend, patting the doctor gently on the shoulder. "It's over…."

But Brian wasn't soothed. He struggled to a sitting position, and then shook his head vehemently, seemingly more agitated than before. "No, Michael!" the distraught doctor protested. "It's not OKAY!" The blue eyes flashed with anger. "Madeleine f*cked with you, and with ME!" The well-formed lips firmed in a tight line. "She wanted to use me to destroy you, to destroy US…"

"Brian.." Michael said softly, trying once again to soothe his friend. "It's all right.." He met Brian's eyes, his own filled with total trust. "I know you would never do anything to hurt me….."

Brian stared at him numbly for a moment, then let out a sharp grunt of denial. "Wouldn't I?" he demanded, his voice rough with self-disgust. "Given the option of letting you die, or letting you be my slave, wouldn't I have chosen the last option?" he cried out, anguished. "In the end, wouldn't I have used you and raped you, taken advantage of you…." He shouted, his voice rising in distress, "just like Section did?"

Michael stared back at him, his expression grim, and then he shook his head firmly in denial. He gripped Brian's chin in his fingers, turning the doctor's face up so the younger man was forced to look into his eyes. Michael's own glittered with deep conviction, and even deeper trust.

"No, Brian," he stated with firm authority, his tone leaving no room for doubt. "You wouldn't have…"

He sighed and caressed a lock of hair back from Brian's cheek, and to the young doctor's surprise, gave him a wry, curiously un-bitter smile. "You would have done just what you DID do," he explained, his grin widening, "What you always do…" he said fondly. "You found a way to save us AND to beat Madeleine at her own game…." He let out a soft laugh and leaned forward to give Brian a swift, tender kiss. "Thank you…" he breathed, his eyes glowing warmly.

Brian gasped in surprise at this unexpected caress, and then, after a moment of shock, he broke out into a smile, too. "We DID f*ck with the Bitch a little bit, didn't we?" he agreed with a lop-sided grin, his face lighting with a mischievous, child-like joy.

Michael smiled back, then his mirth faded to sternness. "You could have died, you know…" he admonished Brian gruffly, his eyes betraying his terror at this prospect. "You shouldn't have taken the risk…"

Brian held up his hand, as if to stop the lecture he knew was coming. "Save your breath, Friend," he returned, his voice hoarse with emotion. "The risk was worth it…." The doctor shook his head firmly. "Frankly, I prefer being dead to having to hurt you…."

A strange look came over Michael's face, his brow clouding with anger. Brian shrank back, suddenly frightened. In the next instant, the older man had grabbed the younger by the shoulders, and shoved him down on the bed. The operative's hands bit into Brian's arms painfully.

"And I," hissed Michael in a deadly whisper, "prefer you to remain alive and selfish, is that clear?" he demanded tightly.

Brian swallowed hard and nodded. For a moment he almost wished he had the docile, obedient Michael back, but only for a moment. "Yes, Michael.." he answered meekly, submitting to the stronger man's will. There was no point in arguing, he knew that.

Michael smiled briefly, and then stepped back, releasing his friend from his grasp. He turned toward the door. "Stay here and get some rest," he ordered, his tone still gruff. "I'll be back later…"

Brian sat up, leaning back on his elbows, his eyes wide with alarm. He knew well that determined, dangerous look that Michael had on his face; he was up to something, something wild and perilous, like a panther stalking prey.

"Michael?" he gasped out warily, feeling anxious and unsettled. "Where are you going? What are you going to do?"

At the threshold, the panther turned and smiled. "I'm going to see Madeleine," Michael told him serenely. His lush, sensual mouth turned up at one corner. "The Bitch f*cked with us, and now it's time to f*ck back.."

He smiled once more, turned on his heel, and was gone. Brian lay back on the pillows, gasping with shock, as well as an overwhelming sense of admiration and respect for his bold, courageous soulmate.

"Go for it, Brother…" Brian sighed with proud satisfaction, a gleeful expression on his face. "Go for it!"

************

Michael only stopped at his quarters briefly to change from the white pajamas to his usual black suit. He was in the mood to be confrontational and intimidating, and the suit, while not necessary to his strategy, was still a part of his plan. He still did not know what he would say to Madeleine, but he was determined not to let her get away with her manipulations- He wanted to manipulate her back. To that end, he needed to present an aura of power, not weakness, and the change of clothing helped him to do that.

The grooming did not take long, and in less than fifteen minutes, Michael, sharply dressed, freshly shaved, and with every hair in place, was striding through the halls to Madeleine's office.

When he arrived there, she was waiting for him.

"Good morning, Michael," she said calmly, without a trace of surprise. She tilted her head and looked at him appraisingly from her seat behind the desk. "How are you feeling?"

Michael scowled and stepped down the short bank of stairs at the entry, the door whooshing closed behind him. He was in no mood to exchange pleasantries. He returned her inquiry with a tightening of his mouth and a harsh, silent glare. The corner of his lip curled upward, conveying his utter contempt for her expression of false concern.

Madeleine was un-intimidated by this display. On the contrary, she smiled slyly to herself, as if Michael's obvious anger amused her. "Well," she said brightly in her lilting musical voice, her eyes sweeping over him in a falsely casual gaze that missed nothing, "I see you are recovering nicely from the effects of the de-programming…"

She shot a calculating glance at him from under her lashes, and then turned her monitor so that Michael could see the screen she had been studying when he had come in.

"It looks like Dr. Whicker is doing better as well…" she said softly.

Michael flinched, and then peered at the screen. The monitor showed the room where Brian lay on his hospital bed, from a view from a camera obviously hidden in the ceiling. The young doctor coughed weakly, then settled his head on the pillow, and closed his eyes. The lines of exhaustion were plain in his face, and he was still quite pale. Michael realized with a jolt that Brian must have used up what little reserve of strength he had to interact with him just a few minutes before. Michael's rage ratcheted up a notch or two, reaching the boiling point.

"You pushed him into doing this," Michael hissed through clenched teeth. "He could have died…" He swallowed hard, his stomach clenching in fear. "He could still die.." he choked out uncertainly, his eyes anxiously riveted on Brian's still form on the screen.

Madeleine shook her head and responded in a soothing tone, her voice still infuriatingly calm. "He won't, Michael," she assured him gently. "We made sure he had the antidote in time, right after you disclosed the location to us…"

Her eyes narrowed speculatively. "I suppose Brian' apartment is where you and the doctor made love the most?" she asked curiously. "Is that what his clue meant?"

Michael's head shot up, and he let out a sharp gasp. He couldn't believe that even Madeleine would have the gall to probe into such a delicate area NOW, after all she had done to his emotions concerning Brian.

"Don't you know?" he asked in disgust. "Didn't you watch us?" He did nothing to conceal the tone of pure loathing in his voice. "Every second, every time?"

The lovely brunette raised one eyebrow in surprise. " No, we didn't," she admitted softly, ignoring his anger. "Of course we SHOULD have started the surveillance earlier, Michael," she acknowledged his rhetorical question serenely. "But we only began the 24/7 watch on you after you had been given the conditioning disks… " She nodded calmly. "Naturally, we had to keep track of the course of the experiment…"

Michael stared at her, stunned at the directness of this blatant admission. His back stiffened with resolve. Very well, he thought, his fury building. If she wants to be upfront with everything, so can I….

"What were you trying to do?" he demanded tightly, the green eyes flashing fire. "Was it your intention to get rid of Brian and me?" He stepped closer, and leaned his hands on Madeleine's desk, essentially getting into her space. He lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. "Why didn't you just order us cancelled," he hissed, " Rather than go to all the trouble of manipulating us into destroying ourselves for you?"

Madeleine, to his surprise, smiled again. In sharp contrast to the ice-green gaze that bored into hers, the soft brown eyes held a look of fond amusement, not unlike a doting aunt would gaze indulgently at a young nephew throwing a temper tantrum.

"Don't be silly, Michael," she said with a laugh. "Destroying you OR Brian is the last thing we want to do…."

Michael scowled harder and made a growling sound in the back of his throat. "Is it?" he spat out, incensed by her denial. "I don't believe you…."

Madeleine sighed, and then shocked Michael further by reaching up and gently patting his face, again as if he were a disobedient child. He was only inches away from her in his efforts to intimidate, but this strategy was not working. Instead of being threatening, he realized, his closeness had only given the dark beauty another opportunity to patronize him. Furious, he flinched back from this intolerably demeaning caress and stepped away to stand out of reach in the center of the office, panting hard. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could formulate a suitably scathing reply to this gesture that had so infuriated him, Madeleine stunned him with another shocking response that hit him like an ambush out of nowhere.

She apologized.

"I'm sorry, Michael," she said softly, in a tone of almost believable sincerity. She folded her hands together on the top of her desk and gazed at him warmly. "We used the H-unit on you because we truly thought it would make things easier for you…." She sighed, and shook her head of soft curls. "But it didn't, of course…."

She looked up at him with the same soft gaze before she made the next unsettling admission. "It was a gross miscalculation on our part," she confessed in a gentle tone. "We hurt you, and I'm very sorry…."

Flabbergasted, Michael could only blink at her in amazement. He sank into one of the chairs in front of her desk, all the wind knocked of him. Unsettled and astonished, and incredibly curious, he asked a burning question.

"Why, then?" he gasped. "Why did you do it?"

Again, she smiled at him. "I told you, Michael," she admonished him softly. "We thought it would help you…."

Michael shuddered and clutched the arms of his chair. If she had wanted to unsettle him, she was doing a good job of it. "Help me, HOW?" he demanded tensely, the green eyes still glittering like fire. "I don't understand…."

The beautiful woman let out another long sigh, and leaned forward, her hands still clasped together before her on the desk. "Think, Michael," she countered like a strict schoolmarm to a lazy pupil. "You've been despondent lately, unfocused, because of the way the Vacek mission ended…."

Michael flinched, lifting his chin defiantly. "I won't apologize for loving my son," he said in a tense, warning tone. Madeleine was treading on very sensitive ground now. The loss of Adam was like an open, oozing sore in Michael's soul; he could not tolerate for long this probing of his unhealed wound.

Madeleine smiled sweetly at him again. "We don't expect you to," she soothed gently. "But we did expect you to recover your normal confidence and your usually effective mission skills," she added in a firmer tone. "And we thought the H-units would aid you in doing that…."

Michael stared at her as if she were totally insane. His mouth tightened in a grim line and he leaned forward in his chair, anger again gaining the ascendancy over shock. "You reduced me to a state of complete despondency and helplessness," he spat out. "You wrecked me emotionally, to the point where I felt I could no longer tolerate going on living…" He came out of his chair, his voice rising, his hands balled into tense fists at his sides. "How did that help me be more EFFICIENT?" he hissed scathingly.

Madeleine sighed wearily and closed her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy, she thought to herself. She turned back to Michael and leaned forward in her chair, her voice low and sincere. "Will you give me a chance to explain?" she asked softly. "From the beginning?"

These words disarmed Michael as nothing else could. He paused uncertainly, momentarily taken aback by her unexpected and completely breath-taking offer. Never had she been so open, so candid, before. She never explained anything, never elucidated her thinking behind the machinations she inflicted on him. Stunned into curiosity, he found himself unable to refuse.

"All.. right…." He whispered on a sigh. He sank weakly into the chair again, his eyes never leaving her face. He wasn't sure if this was another trick, another trap of hers, but trap or no, he had to take this chance to learn the truth.

"All right," Michael said again, leaning forward, his attention riveted on his tormentor's soft brown eyes. "I'm listening…."

************

Madeleine sighed gently and settled back into her chair, her hands folded primly in front of her. Michael marveled anew that such a pretty, lady-like, and genteel exterior could house such a devious and ruthlessly unemotional soul.

"As I was saying," she began softly, "We were worried about your emotional state after the Vacek mission.."

Michael tensed, frowning, but he said nothing and Madeleine went on. "We knew the H-units were effective in re-programming an operative's emotions concerning a target…" She said carefully, shooting a quick glance at Michael under her lashes to gauge his reaction, "As we found out, of course, when Nikita slept with Karl…"

Michael paled and let out a harsh groan. "I didn't know you had done that to her…" he choked out, his voice full of pain. "Not until afterwards…" He shot Madeleine a piercing glare, his eyes blazing fire. "You… used …me…" His lower lip trembled, betraying his distress at this memory.

Madeleine regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded her assent. "Yes, we did," she continued calmly, her tone totally logical and rational. "We used every means at out disposal to ensure the success of the mission," she explained firmly. "Including Nikita's passion for you…"

She sighed again and went on. "It was a weakness that we utilized, a weakness that turned out to be a strength," she mused quietly. "Just as we utilized your caring for Brian …."

Michael flinched, and gripped the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles went white. He could remain silent no longer. "Why did you do it?" he demanded hoarsely. "Why did you make me fall in love with him?" His voice broke on an involuntary sob. "Why did you do this to us?"

Madeleine smiled, and then quickly tried to hide it. She turned her head away, so that Michael would not see how pleased she was at his use of the word "us". Her plan was working, she thought slyly.

"I told you, Michael," she said again patiently. "We wanted to help you get over your grief about your son…" Madeleine sighed and then rose from her chair, casually wandering over to her plant stand, and then began to absently tend her orchids, while she continued her narrative. "Retraining your emotions in another more… shall we say, productive? direction seemed the logical thing to do…."

"We could have used anyone, really, as the focus of your desires," she mused, clipping off an imperfect petal from the flower, "But Brian seemed best suited for our needs…" She nodded distractedly, thinking back. "He was someone stable, reliable…." She clipped another petal, frowning thoughtfully. "Someone we knew would not hurt or betray you, or Section…"

She looked up from her gardening tasks and met his gaze squarely. "Someone we trusted…" she said softly, her eyes locked with his.

"Unlike Nikita…" she added in a falsely casual tone, turning back to her flowers.

Incensed, Michael leapt to his feet. "But I already cared for Brian!" he shouted, enraged. "Why do this at all?"

Madeleine sighed again and put down her scissors. "We thought the H-unit would just enhance the connection that was already there," she told him softly. "Our aim was to place you in a relationship that a chance of being successful and fulfilling for you…." She lowered her eyes slyly. "Something you haven't had much of up to now…"

She smiled suddenly at him. "It was intended as a reward, you see….."

Michael gasped, more than stunned. "A reward?" he thundered, his fists clenched at his sides. "A REWARD?!" He could hardly believe what he was hearing. The excruciating agony he had endured in the last few days could hardly be termed a "reward".

Madeleine ignored his protest, and went serenely on with her explanation. "We underestimated the effect the programming would have," she admitted gently. "Frankly, the intensity of the feelings it produced was quite unexpected…." She shook her head thoughtfully. "We had no idea the programming would push you -and Brian- that far…."

She walked past him, brushing by the tensed, angry, and confused operative casually as she made her way back to her desk. She seated herself in her chair, primly crossing her legs, and then stared up at him, her eyes sincere.

"Truly, Michael," she apologized softly. "I AM sorry…."

Michael closed his eyes and choked back another sob of rage, his emotions in turmoil. "You're SORRY?" he gasped out, enraged, unsettled and confused. "You're SORRY?" He turned his head to glare at her, barely able to leash in his desire to strike her.

Her eyes softened as she gazed back at him, unafraid. "Yes, we are," she assured him again. "We're sorry for what happened to you, AND to Brian…" She sighed softly. "Both of you are very valuable to us, and we didn't mean to put you through what we did…."

Michael had had enough. He couldn't take anymore. His strategy to intimidate Madeleine and to control the course of their meeting had disintegrated from the beginning. Emotionally, he was depleted and exhausted. He had no weapons left in his psychological arsenal to fight her with; The anxious feeling in his gut would not leave him alone. All he wanted to do right then was to flee, to escape somewhere quiet and safe where he could lick his wounds….

"If you're done with you explanation…" he said tightly, his jaw clenched, "…then I'll take my leave." He turned toward the door, but Madeleine called him back before he could make his escape.

"We still want to reward you, Michael," she called out sweetly to his stiff back.

He did not turn to look at her, but just stopped in his tracks, his head drooping wearily. "I don't think I want any more "rewards" from you…." He said tensely, surprising himself with how quavering and terrified his voice was. This last threat had shaken him badly.

The lilting voice continued. "I think you'll like this reward, Michael," she purred. "I promise you that…"

Michael sighed raggedly, knowing he had no choice. He turned slowly to face his tormentor once more. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, in a tone of tense resignation.

Madeleine smiled. "Whatever you want to do, Michael," she informed him brightly. "You're on downtime. As of now. For two months…." The brown eyes glittered, watching him eagerly for his reaction.

Michael could only blink at her, his mouth falling open. He had formulated many scenarios in his head of what she might do to him, but he had never imagined anything like this. This gift of time and freedom was totally unexpected.

"Downtime?" he repeated numbly, his voice rife with suspicion. "And I can do anything I want?"

Madeleine nodded vigorously, and beamed at him. "Exactly," she told him gaily, then watched him sharply again. "And Brian is on medical leave as well," she added slyly. "It's only fair. You both need time to recover from you ordeal….."

Michael nodded slowly, his mind turning ponderously as he carefully considered this last statement. He was beginning to feel less terrified, less insecure and unsettled inside. The bottom that had dropped out of his world seemed to have returned, and the universe had righted itself again.

He was beginning to feel…. Hope….

He looked up at his nemesis and smiled back, relief as well as a warm gratitude washing over him.

"Thank you," he said simply.

Madeleine nodded, completely satisfied with her day's work. "You can go now, Michael," she dismissed him gently.

Michael smiled and nodded once more, then he turned toward the exit, his step light, his heart eager.

Brian he thought with longing. I can go away with Brian….

Madeleine watched Michael's hasty retreat, knowing with certainty that he was headed at full speed back to Medlab. She smiled to herself and keyed a button on her desk.

"It's done," she announced proudly.

Operations' disembodied voice returned to her over the com unit. "Good," the Section leader said with satisfaction. "Does he suspect anything?"

"No," Madeleine answered happily. "He believes that the de-programming was for real. He doesn't realize we just toned down the conditioning to a tolerable level…."

She smiled slyly, her eyes alight with triumph. "We have Michael completely under our control…."

Operations gave a short laugh of glee, and then praised his colleague fulsomely. "Good work," he told her smugly. "Good work…"

Madeleine acknowledged his compliment briefly, and then hastily keyed the intercom off. She peered intently at her monitor again, with its view of Brian's room, almost breathless with anticipation. She didn't want to miss this moment…..

************

When Michael reached Brian's room in Medlab, he found the young doctor sleeping soundly, having succumbed at last to exhaustion. Michael's heart turned over, looking at his friend- his face so pale, his head turned into the pillow, his strong neck exposed and vulnerable. Michael thought he had never seen Brian look so beautiful….

Carefully, Michael shut the door behind him softly so as not to wake his friend. Then slowly he approached the bed, and stood by Brian's side, looking down on him. Brian's dark lashes showed thick and black against the pale cheeks, and his broad chest rose and fell evenly, if shallowly, with each slow breath. The soft, wild curls of his hair lay in tousled disarray around the handsome face. Michael sighed, and could not resist reaching out a hand to gently brush back one dark, errant tendril from Brian's forehead, stroking his thumb caressingly along one eyebrow as he did so in a gesture of pure tenderness.

Brian stirred at his touch, and Michael quickly pulled his hand away, feeling guilty that he had awakened the exhausted patient. The dark lashes fluttered open, and Michael was met with an unclouded, lucid blue gaze.

"What happened?" Brian demanded, instantly alert, his voice harsh with alarm. The young doctor struggled to sit up, leaning back on his elbows. "Are you okay?" he gasped out, his gaze flickering intently over Michael's face. "What did that bitch do to you?"

Michael smiled, touched at his friend's concern. "Nothing happened," he soothed the patient gently, answering the questions in order. "I'm fine," Michael assured him, placing a hand on the doctor's shoulder and firmly pushing him down again on the bed. He settled himself with one hip on the edge of the bed, and then looked down into Brian's wide, anxious blue eyes.

"Madeleine put us on medical leave," he told his friend with deep satisfaction, smiling wider. "Both of us," he added happily. "We have two months downtime…"

He let out a gurgling, delighted laugh. "She even apologized for hurting us…."

Brian blinked at him in astonishment, and then broke out in a wide grin. "Jesus!" he gasped, joy and relief flooding him as Michael's words sank in. He struggled to sit up again, a look of pure pride in his eyes as he gazed into Michael's face.

"Holy goddamn SH*T!" Brian swore, breaking into spontaneous laughter. He held his arms out to Michael to give him a congratulatory hug. "Are you some f*ckin' bad-ass negotiator, or WHAT?" he crowed with pleasure. "You trounced the Bitch good!"

The next instant Michael found himself wrapped in Brian's strong arms, being squeezed tight and thumped vigorously on the back. Brian's soft breath tickled his ear as the doctor laughed with relief against his neck. "I LOVE you, man…" Brian chuckled softly. "You are just the BEST…."

Michael froze, spellbound at this endearment, emotionally overwhelmed by Brian's praise, and the heady sensation of being cradled in his friend's embrace. Michael let out a sharp gasp, then spontaneously enveloped Brian in turn, crushing the younger man to his chest. He sighed out a long breath, shuddering, and then burrowed his head into Brian's shoulder and closed his eyes, feeling that here, at last, he had found a place of utter contentment and peace.

Brian sensed Michael's mood shift immediately, startled that the usually cool and composed older man seemed to have suddenly surrendered himself to the embrace, nestling close, almost desperate for comfort. Brian choked back tears, and patted his friend gently on the back, and stroked his hair soothingly.

"You're exhausted," the doctor pronounced in rough sympathy, interpreting Michael's emotional neediness as weariness. "They put you through Hell.." Brian growled angrily, holding Michael tighter and rocking him in his arms. "That bitch almost destroyed you….."

Michael whimpered softly and burrowed deeper against Brian's shoulder. The caring tone in Brian's voice almost undid him. He wanted to stay there forever in Brian's embrace, stay forever in this moment, and just lose himself in this precious, strong shelter….

He whimpered again when in the next moment Brian pushed Michael carefully away from him and met the clouded green eyes, looking into the ravished, pain-lined face. "You should go home now, Michael," Brian advised gently. "You need to get some rest…."

"No!" Michael responded immediately, shaking his head. He stared at Brian defiantly, his mouth firming in a stubborn line. "I'm not leaving you here…."

Brian sighed and ran a hand through his tousled hair, then nodded. "Maybe you're right," he agreed with another sigh, looking suspiciously around the room. "No telling what other little amusements Mad Maddy has planned for us if we stay here….."

"Then it's settled then," Michael declared decisively, leaping to his feet, the light of battle in his eyes. "I'm taking you home with me." His gaze devoured Brian protectively. "Right now…."

Brian blinked in shock. "No, man…" he said softly, shaking his head, after he had a moment to process this offer. "You don't need to do that…" Michael stiffened and Brian smiled at him reassuringly. "Look, I'm okay, REALLY!" he insisted with another grin. "I don't need a nursemaid. I'll be fine if I just get a few days of rest, I promise…"

He looked up at Michael with a beguiling, charming smile. "It's incredibly good of you to offer to take care of me, Michael," he told him, touched at his friend's concern. "But just drop me at my own place on your way out. I can take care of myself…."

To prove his point, the doctor swung his legs over the side of the bed, and attempted to stand up. The world spun dizzily, and his knees felt like jello. "Sh*t.." Brian groaned weakly, and collapsed back onto the cot.

Before he could fall even halfway to the bed, Michael was right there, holding him upright, his arm under Brian's shoulders for support. The green eyes blazed with concern, and the full mouth twisted downward in a stern expression. "I SAID," Michael ordered tightly, "You're coming home with me. Understand?" he barked crisply.

Brian gave up, grimacing weakly. "Okay, you win…" he conceded ruefully. "But I'm warning you, I make a lousy patient," he told him with a wan smile. "Doctors always do….."

Michael smiled back, his expression warming. "I can handle it…." He assured the younger man, his lips twitching upward.

Brian sighed and then leaned his weight more heavily on Michael, his arm around the older man's shoulders. Together, they shuffled slowly toward the door, Michael matching his steps to Brian's halting gait.

"You know," Brian commented in a faint voice as they slowly progressed their way to the exit, "I hope I'll still be your best buddy like this after I puke my guts out all over your car…" he warned as a wave of nausea hit him forcefully.

Michael gazed up into Brian's green-tinged face, his heart bursting with affection. He smiled dazzlingly. "Don't worry, Brian," he promised, his eyes alight with love. "You will be…"

In her office, Madeleine laughed softly under her breath and turned off her monitor. Things were going well, she thought to herself, pleased. Things were going very well, indeed….

************

The trip to Michael's apartment was over quickly, although to Brian, it seemed to last an eternity. He lay back weakly in the passenger seat, his jaw clenched, his eyes closed, fighting nausea the whole way. Michael watched him sympathetically, shooting anxious glances at him as he drove, careful to avoid any bumps and going easy around turns, in respect for Brian's condition. At last the sickening motion of the car stopped, and the doctor made his grateful escape from this vehicle of torture. He was almost blind with vertigo, the world spinning wildly, and was barely aware that Michael had helped up the elevator and inside his apartment until his host tapped him firmly on the shoulder and uttered the four most blessed words he had ever heard….

"The bathroom's in here," Michael told him softly, gently urging him forward. With a high groan, Brian staggered inside, waved Michael away, and shut the door.

Fifteen minutes later, Brian emerged, pale and wan, but no longer in agony. "Thank you," he told Michael, who had been waiting a bit anxiously just outside the door. "I'm better now." Brian tried to smile but failed. It took all his energy just to remain upright and to hold on to the last few shreds of his dignity. He hated being helpless in front of Michael like this.

Michael, on the other hand, seemed only to become more tender, the weaker Brian was. With an almost maternal gentleness, he led Brian carefully over to the bed, and tucked him in, pulling the covers up over him and kissing his forehead in the lightest of soothing caresses.

Brian did not even feel the kiss. Exhausted by his illness, the ordeal of traveling, and the bout of vigorous retching he had just endured, he was asleep immediately, before Michael had even tucked in the first blanket. The sound of his slow, if slightly uneven, breathing let Michael know how deeply the young patient had succumbed into slumber.

Sighing, Michael wandered into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. He brought it back with him to the bedroom area of his loft, and settled into a deep chair in the corner to watch his friend sleep.

And to think. He sighed again, and sipped his wine, enjoying the sudden peace, letting his mind wander as he relaxed. This felt right somehow, it occurred to him suddenly. It felt right to have Brian in his bed….

Michael blinked, and shook his head to clear it. Where had that thought come from, he asked himself warily? He turned back to gaze thoughtfully at the young doctor again, sleeping soundly, looking as young and vulnerable as a child…

No, not a child, Michael amended. An angel. A blessing. A higher being sent from above…

Michael sipped his wine, thinking of all the things Brian had meant to him over the years. He had been an innocent to protect, a savior, a friend, a helper, a brother…

A lover.

Michael stirred uncomfortably in his chair, the images that this thought had conjured up arousing and disturbing him. Dismayed and embarrassed, he felt his manhood awaken and tighten inside his black wool pants.

But was it so wrong? He thought suddenly. Was it so wrong to desire Brian? He gulped back the rest of his wine in a quick gesture and set down the empty glass. Maybe Madeleine, in her coldly logical way, had gotten it right. Wasn't Brian a better choice for him, when it came to having a partner, having a relationship? Wasn't being with Brian EASIER than being with Nikita? Or Simone? Or Elena?

Michael groaned and leaned his head in his hands, his eyes closed. His relationship with Brian had always been so straightforward, so simple. Brian's honesty, his inability to play games, to manipulate, to pretend, his total lack of guile and deceit, his TRUST, had been their friendship's true strength. Michael may have lied and deceived and manipulated Brian, but Brian had never done anything remotely like that in return. He was incapable of it.

Brian was always just… BRIAN, Michael thought, struggling to explain it to himself. The one person who had always loved him, accepted him, the one person who showered him with unflagging affection and steadfast loyalty, the one person who demanded nothing from him….

The one person who had never hurt him….

Could he say that about the others? Michael thought, sitting upright with a jolt. Hadn't every other relationship he'd ever been in brought him pain? Hadn't all the other loves of his life hurt him and betrayed him in some way? Even the gentle Elena had hurt him, if only inadvertently…

Michael rubbed his hand over his eyes, thinking hard. That was one of the things that distinguished Brian from the others. He was the best of both worlds- at once an innocent, like Elena, but also a part of Section, like Nikita or Simone. Brian understood the pressures that life in Section put him under; the young doctor had endured those same pressures himself, side by side with Michael. And yet, at the same time, Brian's purity, his child-like spirit, remained untainted by any of the vileness he had encountered in the years he had spent underground here in their secret life.

Brian was the only one of them that still had a soul. A strong, beautiful soul. Michael admired him immensely for that.

Again, Michael lifted his eyes to stare at the sleeping young man on the bed. Some hard, dark thing deep inside his chest- his heart, perhaps- wrenched open and was flooded with light. The heavy ache he always carried there lifted from him and was gone.

He loved Brian, Michael realized with a gasping laugh, the sweetness of this knowledge flooding his soul like warm honey.

"I love him…" Michael thought, awed at his own open heart. "Je l'aime…" Another thought followed swiftly after this one, coming simultaneously on the heels of the one before.

Why fight it? He wondered.

He laughed again, and settled back in his chair, content to watch over his Beloved all night. Or Forever. He was at peace, he was in love, and all was right with the world….

************

Relaxed and comfortable in his chair, made drowsy by the wine and the warm glow of love in his belly, Michael drifted off into a peaceful sleep. He slept soundly, more deeply than he had in years. Part of that was due to the exhaustion of the last few days, part because of the serenity that now filled his soul, now that he knew his own heart. The path before him, for so long convoluted and dark, was now easy and clear.

At last, he knew what he would do. It was simple. He would devote himself to loving Brian.

Michael had no specific agenda about their relationship. He had a chance to muse on this briefly as he nodded off, his last thought being that he would offer all he had to give- his heart, his body, his life, his soul- to Brian, and then he would leave it up to his lover as to what and how much of that offering Brian would choose to accept. If Brian wanted to leave things as they were, if he just wanted to be friends, Michael would have to content himself with that. But if the young doctor wanted them to be more than friends, well……

Michael smiled in his sleep. That would be fine, too….

Meanwhile, on the bed a few feet away, Brian's dreams were not as pleasant. In fact, he was enduring one of the worst nightmares he had ever experienced. Between the combination of the sickness, the drugs, the exhaustion, and his own dark premonitions, Brian's dreams tortured him.

Dreams of Michael.

He moaned softly, thrashing on the bed, trying to escape the horrid images. He was back in Michael's apartment, back in time to the moment when he had rushed there after Michael's frantic phone call, only to find his friend trembling on the bed, holding the gun in his mouth.

This time, it was worse. In Brian's dream, it was not Michael who held the gun, forcing it past his trembling lips, but Brian himself.

The doctor whimpered in his sleep, head tossing wildly on the pillow. "No…" he moaned hoarsely. "No…"

His dream self paid no attention to this protest. The dream-Brian shoved the pistol up against Michael's palate and held it there, his finger poised on the trigger. This Brian was in complete control, the dream Michael helpless beneath him.

From a corner of this nightmare scene, the dream Brian heard a voice. A soft, musical, feminine voice.

"Very good, Doctor," Madeleine crooned, suddenly right there next to his elbow. The soft brown eyes gazed at him with approval. "You've done very well," she praised him with a sweet smile. "We're very, very pleased with your work…."

The nightmare Maddy leaned forward and placed her hand over Brian's, her fingers overlapping his trembling ones on the trigger. Brian cried out- her touch burned into him, with a harsh biting cold as sharp as ice.

"Just let me help you finish this last job…." Madeleine offered sweetly, then, with one last fond look at Michael, she squeezed Brian's hand closed on the trigger…

Brian screamed.

"No! No! Michael!" he sobbed out uncontrollably, still held captive by the dream. "Oh, God, no… Michael!"

Michael awoke suddenly to Brian's frantic cries and was instantly out of chair and on the bed. "Brian!" he called out sharply, taking hold of the patient's broad shoulders and pinning him to the bed to stop his violent thrashing. "Brian, wake up!"

The doctor seemed not to hear him, his eyes closed, still sobbing incoherently in terror. Michael sighed, firmed his mouth grimly in resolve, and then slapped Brian hard across the face.

Brian gasped sharply, and then opened his eyes, this harsh blow finally jolting him free from the grip of the terrifying dream. Panting, he gazed up dazedly at the man hovering anxiously over him on the bed. "Michael..?" he moaned weakly, his blue eyes still glazed with terror.

"Brian?" Michael asked tenderly, caressing his hand gently over the stinging red mark he had just left on Brian's cheek. "Are you okay?"

Still dazed, the dream still very real, Brian let out a wail of regret and reached out to clutch Michael desperately by the shoulders. "I'm sorry…" the young doctor sobbed brokenly.

"Oh, God, Michael, I'm so sorry…."

Michael let out another sigh, and gathered the distraught young man on the bed into his arms. He settled beside him, holding him close, rocking him gently. "Shhh," he soothed, softly stroking Brian's hair. "It was just a bad dream," he told him in a quiet tone, trying to calm him down. "There's nothing to be sorry for…."

Brian went on sobbing wretchedly into Michael's shoulder, still distraught. "I…I ... k-killed you…" he choked out, his fingers clenched with a death grip on Michael's lapels. "That bitch made me kill you…" he moaned.

Michael stiffened for a moment, jolted anew by how much responsibility Brian must feel for Madeleine's manipulation of his emotions. Michael realized suddenly that Brian must blame himself for this latest ordeal they had suffered at Madeleine's hands.

With a sharply exhaled breath, Michael embraced Brian even more tightly in his arms, determined to soothe all his terrors away. "Shhh, I'm here, I'm right here…" he whispered, caressing his hand down Brian's back. "You didn't hurt me.." he murmured against Brian's ear. "You would never hurt me…."

Brian whimpered and buried his head further into Michael's shoulder, wretched with guilt. "It was my fault…" he moaned in protest, unable to be soothed. "I let her use me…." His voice broke on a muffled sob. "Y-You almost d-died…"

With a loud sigh, Michael took Brian's face in both his hands and firmly pulled his friend's head up to look him in the eye. The doctor stared back, breathing raggedly, the blue eyes filled with tears.

"Brian…." Michael whispered indulgently, brushing back tears from Brian's cheek with a caress of his thumb, "It was Madeleine's fault, not yours…" he told him firmly. "You would never hurt me," Michael repeated, his voice suddenly going lower with passion.

Brian froze, gasping with shock, made breathless by the look of intense longing in Michael's eyes. Their gazes locked together, Michael brought Brian's face closer to his, strong fingers gently cradling the back of Brian's neck. The young doctor shivered at his touch.

"You… love me…" Michael whispered roughly, his lips bare inches from Brian's mouth. Brian took in a sharply inhaled breath, and shuddered in response, closing his eyes.

"Say it," Michael demanded in a passion-rough voice.

Brian's eyes flew open; he was at once lost again, impaled helplessly in the endless jade-green depths.

"Yes…" Brian gasped out his confession. "Yes, Michael, I love you..…" he moaned breathlessly, his chest heaving in swift desire.

"Hmmm…" Michael growled in satisfaction, the sound a deep, rumbled grunt of pleasure in the back of his throat. "That's good…"

The soft lips grazed Brian's jaw, then nipped hard on the spot they had just caressed. Michael pressed his body closer, gently imprisoning Brian beneath him, as if he were a rare and treasured creature of the wild that he had captured and had no intention of letting go.

Brian whimpered, and made a feeble effort to struggle against Michael, and his own raging desire. He lost this battle completely with Michael's next roughly uttered words.

"That's good…" he breathed raggedly against Brian's parted lips. "Because I love you, too…" he moaned out hoarsely, his mouth coming down to plunder Brian's in a deep kiss….

************

Several hours later, Brian lay awake in the dark, staring steely-eyed up at the ceiling and thinking. He could feel Michael's warm, naked body curled up spoon-fashioned behind him, sleeping close, one arm curled possessively around Brian's waist, his head resting trustingly on Brian's shoulder. The doctor shuddered out a sigh, and fought back tears.

What the hell just happened? He thought in anguish to himself. For all the beauty of what they had just shared, there was an ugly unsettlingly aspect as well. Brian was not quite able to put his finger on just what that disturbing aspect was, but he did know that it still all felt like a dream. He couldn't believe it was real Everything had happened too quickly, too easily. Brian felt like he was poised at the top of the roller-coaster, headed for a sickening drop…..

He struggled to analyze just how he and Michael had ended up as lovers again; he wanted to understand why things had changed so suddenly between them. He briefly considered excusing himself from any responsibility for what had happened, blaming it all on his weakened condition, his illness, and the disorientation that the nightmare had caused. The truth, if stretched, could be construed as this: that Brian was feverish, out of his mind, and not responsible for what he was doing.

But Brian's conscience wouldn't buy it. It had happened because Brian allowed it-no, WANTED it- to happen, he thought grimly. He forced himself to face the truth- he could have stopped the passionate onslaught of Michael's feverishly insistent caresses at any time. IF he had wanted to.

But he didn't. He hadn't. He had wanted Michael as much as Michael had wanted him. Their encounter had been deliriously satisfying for them both. All the years of pent-up fantasies and dreams, the wistful longing for more, had been fulfilled for Brian in this magical night. The passion he had suppressed for so long, the banked embers of desire, had returned, surging back and erupting into flames at Michael's first hard kiss.

With Michael's declaration of love, Brian had been lost. He had returned kiss for kiss, touch for touch, as eagerly as Michael had given them. True, his auburn-haired lover had directed things, commanded the course and speed of their journey, but Brian had been not just a passenger on this ride, but a willing first mate. He had let Michael steer him wherever he wanted to….

Brian flushed red, remembering. He remembered Michael's warm breath on his skin, the feel of the silky curls caressing his stomach as Michael's mouth went lower, to trail kisses all along his thighs, and in between…

This time there had been no mission, no cameras, no Bauer or Nikita. It was just the two of them, loving each other, doing anything, and everything, they wanted to. Their movements flowed like a dance, as if they had been together like this hundreds of times, and not just once in their cherished memories. It was if they knew each other intimately, in body, as well as heart and soul, each lover knowing where to touch, how to caress and stimulate the other, without needing words…

Brian didn't quite recall just when it was that Michael had removed his clothes, and then helped Brian out of his pajamas. All he did know was how delicious Michael's skin was as Brian tasted first one delight after another.. Michael's mouth, his throat, his small, sensitive nipples, his taut belly and sweet c*ck….

But Michael only let him taste him briefly, desiring instead to be the one who tasted back… He pushed Brian back down on the pillows and pinned him there, holding him still by his wrists while Michael kissed him til he was breathless again, then began nibbling down Brian's body the same way that the younger man had explored him. Brian quivered helplessly as Michael's lips nuzzled lower, his tongue darting in erotic circles across the soft path of dark hair that lined Brian's taut midsection from chest to groin…

Michael had savored Brian's manhood then, adoring him and worshiping him with his mouth, until Brian had cried out, shuddering violently in release. He had almost come again when Michael had surprised him by immediately kissing him then, sensuously sharing with him the salty, warm taste of Brian's own seed, swirling it slowly in his mouth, presenting it to Brian reverently, as if were a treasure of liquid pearls. Brian had had no idea that such an intimate sharing could be so beautiful.

Michael's own needs had not gone unfulfilled. Gently breaking this special kiss, he had turned Brian onto his stomach and then massaged and caressed his way down Brian's back to cup the firm buttocks in his hands, stroking lightly. Brian trembled, groaning for more, reduced to begging as Michael's teasing went on. Michael enthusiastically obliged him by replacing hands with wet tongue, all the while groaning out his pleasure at the sensual feast that Brian presented to him.

Lost in ecstasy, Brian was barely conscious when Michael's hands returned to prepare him with slick, tenderly probing fingers. He almost passed out from pleasure when Michael lowered his hard, muscular body on top of his, and joined them as one.

Brian bit back a sob of passion as Michael entered him for the first time. Michael gasped as he eased himself slowly in, and then, shuddering, lowered his head to kiss Brian's shoulder. Brian shuddered, startled to realized that Michael's face was wet with tears.

"You are so beautiful.." Michael groaned, kissing Brian's neck and moving with slow, careful strokes inside him. "I need you so much…"

Brian was too incoherent with passion to respond, other than with a deep, satisfied groan. Michael plunged deeper, stroking faster, and with his hand supporting Brian underneath his waist, he pulled the doctor up on his hands and knees, grinding their bodies together even closer.

He startled Brian again in the next moment by snaking his hand under their bodies to find Brian's swiftly growing manhood, stroking the thick, firm flesh in time to the rhythm of his own hard thrusts.

"Jesus…" Brian almost screamed. "Oh, God…."

He writhed and bucked in a frenzy of erotic torment, seeking not escape but rather to encourage his partner's sweet torture. Michael obliged him, panting with exertion, his breath escaping him in soft moans with every thrust.

Brian was rendered incoherent with pleasure, his senses overloading. But it was not Michael's massive thickness filling him, moving thrillingly inside him, and the way his hand moved with rough tenderness over Brian's c*ck that sent him careening over the edge of fulfillment. It was yet another kiss…

"Je t'adore…" Michael moaned sensuously in Brian's ear as he pounded into him from behind. Brian whimpered in return, feeling some lost, hurt place inside his soul loosen and flood with warmth; it was as if this place in his heart, the place reserved for Michael, had been a painfully tight bud, closed protectively into itself against the winter cold, had awakened, opened, and bloomed to vibrant life, blossoming under the sunshine of Michael's love.

Sobbing with happiness, Brian turned his head to look into Michael's eyes, his own lustrous with adoration. "I love you……" Brian gasped out roughly, their faces just inches apart. "God, Michael, how I love you…." He moaned.

Michael let out a harsh, high cry of pleasure, as if these words had been what he was waiting to hear, as if they were a Holy grail he had been seeking all his life. He nuzzled his mouth closer, hungrily seeking Brian's lips, and then found and captured them, plundering the warm sweetness inside. He kissed Brian as if the this nectar was the only Source of life….

Brian was lost. The tender kiss shattered him, hurtling him like a sky-rocket into an explosion of ecstasy, an orgasm both emotional and physical, body AND soul freed and released. He shuddered and cried out, as his hot seed erupted from him into Michael's firmly caressing hand. His release triggered Michael's as his body spasmed around the older man's wildly thrusting c*ck; Michael cried out as his own seed burst from him, the orgasm as soul-shattering and emotional as Brian's. Both men were rendered helpless and weak against the power of this love; it was like an ocean wave that swamped them, carrying them where it willed; they were no longer in control…

Panting, they collapsed together on their sides on the bed, Michael still clutching Brian in his arms. He molded his body to Brian's back, snuggling close, not wanting to lose contact with this precious lover. Breathless, he rained tiny, feather kisses across Brian's shoulder.

"Mon Dieu… so beautiful…." He murmured, hugging Brian close. Brian sighed and wriggled closer, too exhausted to do anything more than just relax into this embrace. Warm and contented, sated with love, Brian closed his eyes and let go. He had almost drifted into sleep when a few moments later he felt Michael stiffen behind him, and take in a sharp breath.

"We need to talk," Michael whispered, his voice urgent and suddenly tense.

Brian opened his eyes and looked at his friend sharply. "What's wrong?" he asked in alarm, struggling to sit up.

Michael shook his head, and pushed Brian back down on the pillows again. "Nothing," he said, a bit breathlessly, his eyes glittering with concern. "I just want to talk about… us…"

Brian gasped, his head finally clearing of the erotic haze that clouded his mind. He was tense, alert, and suddenly very afraid. "Go on," he encouraged Michael breathlessly, reaching out to grip his friend by the hand in a gesture meant to soothe them both. "What about us?"

Michael sighed, and then snuggled closer, burying his head in Brian's shoulder, as if he were suddenly too shy to look Brian in the eye. "Just let me tell you how I see things.. for us…" he began, awkwardly hesitating, "And then you tell me if you feel the same, okay?" he asked anxiously.

"Okay…." Brian agreed gently. "Go on, then…"

Michael sighed gratefully into Brian's shoulder, and then took a deep breath, his words tumbling out in a rush. "I was thinking there was no reason to wait," Michael began breathlessly. "I mean, you and I… we seem to want the same thing, we want to be together, right?"

"Right…" Brian agreed, almost automatically, although his mind whirled wildly at this new concept. They had always been close, always been friends, but never as a couple, never as full-time lovers. At least, that's what Brian thought Michael meant. Or did he just mean "together" for an occasional, casual f*ck? Brian wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything anymore….

"You want to make some kind of arrangement between us, is that it?" Brian asked tensely, his back stiffening. He hadn't had time to consider yet all the future possibilities. He was just now processing the fact that they had made love tonight, and he was still trying to get his mind -and his body- to get past that.

"Yes, exactly!" Michael responded eagerly. "An arrangement…" Brian tensed more when Michael put his lips to the doctor's ear and whispered what he wanted.

"Brian," Michael begged roughly, nuzzling the doctor's hair, "Would you move in with me?"

"Huh?" The doctor gasped, too stunned to speak. His heart leapt in his chest, full of wild hope, and yet he was numb inside, not feeling anything. This was all too sudden to process; his mind just couldn't take it in….

Michael took Brian's startled grunt as encouragement to go on. "You see," he continued in a low whisper, stroking Brian's hair again, "When I saw you here in my apartment, in my bed, it just seemed so … perfect, destined, I guess… I knew you belonged here, with me…" The soft, French-accented voice deepened with desire. "After all we've been through this week, I realize now you are the only one for me, the only one I want to be with…."

He leaned forward slightly and kissed Brian's cheek. "I never want to lose you…" he groaned. "I never want to be without you again…"

Brian sighed tremulously, and then swiftly turned on his side, wanting to be in Michael's arms. The older man held him tightly, and Brian buried his face in Michael's black-clad shoulder, letting out a soft moan. "I couldn't bear to lose you, either…" he murmured into Michael's hair, holding the other man close. "I was so scared…"

"There's no need to be scared," Michael soothed gently. "Never again…." He stroked his hand down Brian's back, making him shiver. "I'm here…" Michael promised tenderly. "I'll always be here…"

"Michael…" Brian sobbed, overcome. "Oh, Michael…"

"It's settled then," Michael said with a passion-rough laugh of relief and delight. "You'll live here with me…"

That had been an hour ago, and since then, they had kissed and cuddled, and talked desultorily, until exhaustion had pulled Michael down into a deep sleep.

Now Brian lay remembering it all, every moment, every touch… He shivered suddenly with fear, a chill running up his spine, as if someone had walked across his grave….

At the time, it had all seemed so right, so natural. So … SIMPLE. But now, lying there in the dark, having time to really think, it seemed all wrong..

Nothing having to do with Michael had EVER been simple…. Brian mused grimly. What had made things different this time?

And what about Nikita? Brian thought in bewilderment. Michael had not even mentioned her name, let alone discussed what they would tell her when she got back from her mission in two weeks. How had Michael managed to forget the woman he had been in love with for five years? It didn't make sense. As beautiful and intense as their love-making was, this last week together had seemed like a place out of time, a moment unrelated, separate from their ordinary lives, from ordinary reality. It was an alternate Universe to the one Brian knew they belonged in. It was beautiful here, but…. Was it REAL?

Brian closed his eyes, frowning. He knew he was close to finding an answer to this puzzle, but it still eluded him, like a flitting shadow on the edge of his mind. If he could just stop and think, just THINK for a moment, he knew he could figure it out….

Brian gasped suddenly, stricken with the truth. His eyes flew open, and he stared into the dark, suddenly seeing it all.

The conditioning, he thought, his heart sinking. That was what was different about this time, this week. Never before had Michael wanted him like this. Michael loved him as a friend, that's all, not an impassioned, ardent lover…. Or, at least, he had never felt that way until… until…

Until he had been conditioned to feel that way. By Madeleine…

Brian bit back a sob of pain at this horrid realization- Michael didn't really feel this way about him, not like he felt in return. Michael had only been responding to Section programming….

SHE had done this. This, all of it, was how Madeleine had wanted it. The bitch had arranged this, worked it somehow, so that Michael's feelings were still altered, still manipulated, still….

False.

"God…." Brian whimpered, tears starting in eyes. "Oh, God…."

He wriggled out from under Michael's slumber-heavy arm around him, no longer able to bear this embrace. It was a trick, an illusion, a game.

Michael didn't love him.

Bereft, his soul totally crushed, Brian turned his face into the pillow and wept.

************

Brian only allowed himself a brief indulgence of tears before his anger took over. They had been used- both he and Michael, in some twisted Section power game. Brian cringed, the awful truth hitting him full force.

Section had manipulated him into doing what he had never in a million years thought he was capable of doing, something that he had always believed was constitutionally impossible for him to do- but he had done it.

He had raped Michael.

Perhaps not rape in the strictest sense of the word, but Brian knew in his heart that what had occurred between them amounted to the same thing. Brian had been the one in control of his own emotions, the only one of them that had not been drugged and influenced. Michael couldn't help himself, couldn't fight that weakness that Madeleine had implanted in his soul. The overpowering desire for Brian had been imposed from the outside, against Michael's will. Michael had had no choice- he had been rendered essentially incapable of saying no…

Brian groaned in anguish. Didn't that make it rape? Michael had been impaired, helpless, emotionally vulnerable, and Brian had used him, taken advantage….

"Jesus…" Brian sighed roughly, his soul wrenching. His mouth firmed in a hard, bitter line. "I'm going to kill that f*cking bitch…."

Slowly, careful not to wake his sleeping lover, Brian slipped out from under Michael's arm and got up from the bed. He gave the man he loved, and now felt he had betrayed, an anguished look, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'll make this right for you," he vowed in a hoarse whisper. "Michael, I swear, I'll get even…"

He resisted the urge to touch him, to caress the soft cheek or kiss the auburn hair. Turning away firmly, Brian walked to the closet and grabbed the first thing he could find of Michael's that he thought might fit him- a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. He went into the bathroom and showered and dressed quickly, and a few minutes later, he was back in the bedroom, stealing Michael's car keys from his pants pocket.

Stricken with guilt by this further crime against the man he loved, Brian whispered a soft apology to his friend. "I'm sorry, Michael…" the honest, tender-hearted young doctor choked out. "I'm so sorry…"

He turned swiftly on his heel then, fleeing the room as tears blinded his eyes.

-----------

Madeleine was waiting for him. She smiled in greeting as Brian stormed angrily into her office. "Please come in, Doctor," she addressed him cordially in a pleased tone, as if she were genuinely happy to see him. "I've been expecting you…"

Brian's rage had been building all the way there in the trip in the car, and now it flared out of control. Her smugness, her pleased, Cheshire cat smile, infuriated him. "Are you happy now, Bitch?" Brian barked out, his face reddening with rage. He balled his fists at his sides, barely able to hold himself back from striking her. "Did you have a good time, huh? Did you?" he yelled, voice dripping sarcasm as he fought back bitter tears. "That's the only way you can get your jollies, ISN'T IT?" He screamed at her. "By f*cking with us…." His voice trailed off at the last word, and he bit back a sob of pain. He didn't think he had ever been so wounded, so hurt before.

To his further anguish, Madeleine smiled broadly. "Actually, Doctor," she answered slyly, with a twinkle of merriment in her eye, "I AM quite happy, about a lot of things…." She tilted her head at him, her mouth still curved upward in amusement.

"You pleased me very much by behaving just as we predicted…."she went on with a bright laugh. Madeleine reached forward and flicked a switch on the monitor, turning the screen so that Brian could see it. He stared in shock at the image displayed there. It was a video of a few hours ago, in Michael's apartment, the tape stilled on a frame showing Michael, eyes closed, face contorted in ecstasy, as lay on top of his lover's body, taking Brian below him…

Brian flinched and let out a harsh breath, too overcome by shock to speak.

Madeleine smiled again and taunted him further. "We were delighted," she commented drolly, twisting the knife, "With your…. Performance…."

Brian lost it, this last cruelly delivered word breaking his control. "You Bitch!" he screamed, and then charged her, blind with rage, intent on throttling her until he choked that smug smile right off her face…

Before he could reach her, she calmly keyed a button on her desk and two Section guards rushed into the room. Brian was hauled back from his target in mid-lunge, the men dragging him back as he struggled furiously between them, panting in frustrated rage.

"I'll kill you!" he yelled loudly, meaning it. "I'm going to kill you, you bitch!"

Madeleine merely gazed at him thoughtfully, and then nodded her head slightly toward the guards. The men's grip on Brian firmed, one of the guards gave Brian's arm a sharp, vicious twist, rendering him breathless, while the other grabbed Brian by the hair and pulled his head back, immobilizing him against the guard's broad shoulder. Brian stood gasping in pain, helpless.

"Why?" he groaned, agonized, looking at Madeleine through eyes blinded by tears and pain. "Why did you do this to us?" he begged hoarsely.

Madeleine paused for a moment, regarding him thoughtfully, as if weighing a decision. Then she sighed, and indicated for the guards to release their prisoner. The men stepped obediently back from Brian, and Madeleine pointed to the chair in front of her desk.

"Sit down," she ordered," And I'll tell you why."

Brian blinked at her, then slowly nodded, suddenly calm. With a wary glance at the guards behind him, he took a seat.

"Wait outside," Madeleine ordered her men.

Brian let out the breath he was holding and then buried his face in his hands. He was so tired, so confused, so angry. He tried not to let the despair that filled him take over, but it was a losing battle. Madeleine had the upper hand, and though Brian had put up a good fight, he wondered now if there would be anyway out of this mess, any way of winning against this devious, powerful enemy. He sighed again. It was hard to play and win a game, he thought grimly, when your opponent not only didn't play by the rules, but changed them at whim.

"I'd like you to watch this tape with me," Madeleine began softly, interrupting Brian's dark thoughts. She adjusted the monitor again and keyed the video to beginning. "It will help you understand…."

Brian's head shot up, his eyes wide. "You're ..sick…" he gasped in shock. "You're just totally sick…"

"Not at all…" Madeleine countered with a patronizing look. "You forget, Doctor, that everything we do here has a purpose, a higher good…"

Brian stared at her a moment, his jaw hanging open, and then broke out in a harsh, short laugh. "Really?" he asked in disbelief. "And what higher purpose was there for video-taping Michael and me in bed?" he growled angrily, blue eyes flashing.

Madeleine folded her hands in front of her calmly and regarded him steadily. Her lips curled in an almost beatific smile. "A purpose, Doctor," she told him dryly, "that I am positive you would be in total accord with," she commented serenely. Her smile widened. "That of saving Michael's life."

Brian blinked, and stared at her, aghast. "What?" he choked out, more confused and uncertain than ever. "What do you mean?"

Madeleine nodded sharply and cued the tape. "Just watch," she answered sweetly.

Brian flinched and flushed bright red as the video of his tryst with Michael the night before began to play. He turned his head away, and then stared at the floor, trying not to listen.

But it was hard not to. He heard the soft groans, their ragged breathing and sharp grunts of pleasure as the tape went on. He bit his lip and squirmed in his chair, embarrassed and humiliated beyond measure. Still, Madeleine did not stop the video. Was this some new kind of torture? Brian thought frantically. He was just about to jump out of his chair and slam the machine off himself, when he heard a voice on the tape that startled him into immobility.

His own voice.

"Suck me harder…" he heard himself groan on the tape. "God, Michael, I'm going to come down your throat…."

And then he heard Michael's voice saying words that hadn't been said. "I need to f*ck your beautiful ass…" the soft French voice moaned on the tape.

The young doctor leapt to his feet, eyes flashing. "I never said that!" he protested, chest heaving. "We never talked like that…."

Brian let out a soft sob. "We said we loved each other…" the bewildered young doctor told her hoarsely. "He said I .. I was …. beautiful…." Brian whispered, tears starting in his eyes.

"I know that," Madeleine responded gently. Mercifully, she pressed a button and stopped the tape. The ensuing silence was deafening. "We altered the dialog, and edited the video, to make it appear the sex was less… tender than it really was…."

She paused, and let out a soft sigh. "But Oversight doesn't need to know that," she went calmly. "They'll believe the dialogue on the tape is real."

Brian swayed on his feet, his mind whirling. Dizzy with confusion, he sat down heavily in his chair. "Oversight?" he choked out, feeling like he might faint. He could hardly take in this new twist to Madeleine's incomprehensible game. "You're going to show this tape to OVERSIGHT?" he demanded, flushing angrily. "WHY?"

"I told you," Madeleine countered patiently. "To save Michael's life."

Brian was too stunned to do anything but bury his head in his hands again. "I.. .don't understand…" he moaned. "I just don't understand…"

"It's simple, really," Madeleine went on serenely. "After the Vacek mission, Oversight was becoming concerned that Michael had lost his edge, that he was becoming too soft….."

Brian raised his head to look at her, his eyes brimming with tears. "He lost his son, Madeleine…." He said grimly.

The lovely brunette nodded. "Yes, of course," she agreed gently. "He was also an emotionally unstable, and needy," she went on thoughtfully. "Michael withdrew into himself, shut out everyone, even Nikita…"

Brian sighed angrily. "He was grieving, that's all…" he protested sharply.

Madeleine fixed him with a look. "Emotional attachments are not allowed," she stated gruffly. "Especially not in Level Five operatives." Her delicate, feminine mouth hardened. "We had to prove that Michael had bounced back to his former performance level, or he would have been cancelled…."

Brian went white. "C-Cancelled?" he gasped, feeling like he had just been punched in the stomach. "Oversight was going to cancel Michael?" The idea was too horrifying to contemplate.

Madeleine nodded slowly. "It was discussed at the last meeting," she said in a quiet tone. Her eyes hardened. "There are only a few narrow ways of living that they approve of," she told him, almost wistfully. "Being withdrawn, depressed, and celibate is not one of them…" She sighed softly. "Neither is being monogamously intimate with one partner alone…."

Brian scowled. "They want them to have multiple encounters, then," he said gruffly, "all of them meaningless, is that it?"

The Section strategist nodded. "Essentially, yes," she affirmed quietly.

Brian heaved a frustrated sigh. "Then how does this tape help you, Madeleine?" he demanded. "Michael asked me to move in with him, for God's sake!"

She shot him an impatient look. "We edited out that part," she told him in an acerbic tone, "As well as anything else that would make it appear that this encounter was something more than just raw sex…" She smiled at him sweetly. "With the addition of the dialogue we added, this tape gives us just what we need- proof that Michael is over his emotional funk…."

Brian stared at her in disbelief. "You're lying!" he accused. "You mean to tell me that you drugged Michael and conditioned him to be enamored of me, all so you could get us in bed and on tape?" He shook his head, his lips pressed tightly together in distaste. "Surely you could have found an easier way," he protested grimly. "Why didn't you just order Michael to seduce someone," he asked defiantly. "You've done that enough times before…"

The lovely brunette sighed again. "Yes we have," she answered in an almost sad tone. "And it doesn't work," she admitted to the young doctor's shocked surprise. "Michael's lack of enthusiasm comes across clearly on the tapes," she told him bluntly.

The brown eyes met his shocked blue. "It had to be real," she finished softly. "It had to be someone he cared about…."

Brian let out a shaky breath. "So you used him- used me…." He choked out roughly, tears starting in his eyes. "When is this going to end?" he demanded hoarsely, coming out of his seat. "When are you going to stop jerking Michael around?"

The blue eyes flashed angrily and his mouth firmed in a stubborn line. "I'm done helping you," he barked out bitterly. "I refuse to be part of this abuse anymore.." he hissed sharply. He leaned his hands on the desk and bent forward so that he was eye to eye with his nemesis, glaring at her warningly.

"I want Michael de-programmed NOW!" he yelled harshly. "Do you hear me? NOW!" he bellowed.

Madeleine gave him the sweet smile again. "It's already being done," she informed him casually. "As we speak."

Brian blinked and staggered back, feeling the earth rock under his feet. "W-What?" he gasped, eyes wide in shock. "What did you say?"

Madeleine nodded slowly. "We retrieved him shortly after you left his apartment," she disclosed gently. "The purpose for the programming was over; there was no further need for the conditioning to stay in place.."

She gave a short, casual shrug of her shoulders. "Michael will be fine. He should be back to himself by tomorrow," she assured him calmly. "So, you see, Doctor," she added with infuriating serenity, "There's no need for you to concern yourself further…" She nodded her head. "It's over."

Brian closed his eyes, his stomach churning. He felt sick. He had used his friend- hurt him, raped him- and nothing could change that fact. No deprogramming could undo what had been done, no re-conditioning could change that. No, he thought in despair, Michael could never go back to his old self again, and neither could Brian. Things were ruined between them now, and Brian had no idea how to fix that. There was no cure for Brian's guilt, or for Michael's inevitable resentment toward his lover, when he learned the truth.

"I want to see him," Brian pleaded softly. He was too exhausted to fight any longer, too heart-sore and defeated to rail at her anymore. The anguish of remembering what he had done ate at him, like acid in his bones, leaving him too weak to even be angry.

"Please…" he begged, leaning with both hands on the desk for support, the weight of his sadness bearing down on him so much that he could hardly stand. "Please, I need to apologize…."

To Brian's surprise, Madeleine instantly agreed. "Of course, you can see him, Doctor," she told him in a kindly tone. Her eyes narrowed slyly. "But you'll see him in our own time, in our own way…"

She stood, and then pushed a button on her desk, summoning the guards. "But there will be no apology," Madeleine added firmly, as the two burly operatives entered to flank the wan young doctor. "It's better that way.." she advised him, nodding sagely. "Believe me…"

Brian tensed, watching the guards warily, and then settled his gaze on Madeleine once more. "What the hell does that mean?" he demanded, exasperated and suddenly frightened.

Madeleine smiled. "You'll see," she answered sweetly, and then she signaled the men with a nod of her regal auburn head.

"Take him," she ordered serenely.

Brian had only time to let out a sharp strangled cry of protest as one of the men held his arms behind his back while the other injected him with a tranq dart in his neck.

Brian flinched as the needle went in, and sagging weakly in the guard's strong grip. With his last remaining ounce of consciousness and strength, he managed to hurl a barbed word in Madeleine's direction.

"B-Bitch!" Brian mumbled gruffly, and then the world went black…

************

Brian awakened slowly, the darkness behind his eyelids gradually lightening to a painful white until he was forced to open them. He groaned sharply, and squinted his eyes tightly closed again, flinching in pain as this too- bright stimulation stabbed him, lancing through his skull like a sword of fire. He gasped; the resulting headache from this movement was one of the worst he had ever experienced.

"Uhhh…." He groaned, stirring in the bed and turning on his side, his hands coming up to cover his face. He lay there for a moment, recovering his breath, and attempted to sort out the jumbled pictures and emotions that swirled inside his head along with the flickering pain.

From the short glimpse of the room he had taken, he knew he was still in Section, in Medlab. Why was he here? Brian thought in confusion. What the hell had they done to him? He struggled to recall the last few days.

A scene returned to him- that of the guards holding him down, drugging him. That, and Madeleine's wide, creepy smile were the last things he remembered. He sighed heavily, eyes still closed, and buried his face in the pillow. The rest of his recent memories came flooding sickeningly back. His love-making with Michael, all false, all coerced. He remembered the conditioning, and how Michael had tried to kill himself, and his own desperate, potentially suicidal attempt to save him from being programmed and influenced. He remembered Madeleine's lies, how she had used him as a pawn in her game; he remembered being fooled, manipulated into doing just as she wanted.

He thought he had been fighting, and winning, for control, for freedom, his and Michael's. But now it struck him full force, this bitter truth.

There had never been any control, any freedom. At all. Everything he had done in the last few days, every act that he thought was of his own free will, had all been orchestrated and directed by Section.

He was just their puppet. He thought he had cut the strings that held him, but now he realized they bound him more tightly than ever. Even his emotions had been directed, channeled where Madeleine wanted them to go. Brian had been a good-little wind-up toy, he thought bitterly. Madeleine had pushed his buttons, and he had obeyed, so predictably…

He let out a low whimper and closed his eyes tighter. "Sh*t…." he groaned softly.

A soft sound to his right startled him then. A small exhaled breath, a sight rustle of clothing, as someone shifted uncomfortably in the chair near the bed. Brian stiffened; he was not in the room alone. His eyes flew open and he turned his head, his gaze meeting and locking with a pair of shuttered green eyes.

Michael, dressed his usual impeccable black suit, was sitting there next to his bed in Medlab, a stern expression on his face. His lips were tightened in a grim line, his eyes dark with concern, yet distant.

He was leaning forward in his chair, intensely staring with focused concentration on his friend, but he kept his hands clasped firmly together between his spread knees, not touching Brian or the bed. There was a sense of carefully controlled power, a reserve of leashed strength, rigorously held in check. Without understanding how he knew this, Brian was acutely and instantly aware of a change in his visitor.

The old Michael was back.

"Hello," Michael greeted him softly, with typical politeness. The formal tone of this greeting, however, sent a little chill of apprehension down Brian's spine. Something was very wrong, he knew it.

Brian took a deep breath and attempted to raise his head from the pillow. The sharp stab of pain in his temples convinced him to abandon this plan of action. He flopped his curly head back onto the bed and closed his eyes again, his mind and emotions whirling.

Michael, still carefully refraining from touching Brian, leaned closer. "You've been out for three days," he said tightly, his lips firmed in a grim line. "I.. I was worried."

"Three days?" Brian gasped weakly, turning his head carefully to meet Michael's eyes. "What happened? What did they do to us? Are you all right?"

He blinked again, and this time managed to with considerable effort to struggle to a sitting position on his own. Michael did not move to help him in this endeavor, nor did he answer the question right away. Brian's anxiety for his comrade escalated. This distance was so out of character for how they related to each other; Michael's withdrawal now disturbed Brian deeply. It was as if there were some impenetrable barrier between them, an invisible line that Michael did not want to cross.

"I'm fine," Michael answered finally in a flat voice, his tone reluctant, as if speaking about himself, or their situation, was distasteful to him.

His tone unsettled Brian further, and the young doctor swallowed hard in alarm, sitting forward on the bed. "Just what the hell is going on?" he demanded harshly, determined to get more information than Michael was offering. He shot his friend a pleading look, their eyes locking. "Just tell me…" he begged.

Michael stood then, and approached the bed, still not touching, the self-contained reserve still there, even though Brian sensed the other man's strained tension, his struggle for control. The green eyes that looked down into his were opaque jade, unreadable.

"It's over now," Michael told him morosely, as if announcing a death. "Madeleine de-programmed both of us…." He broke the gaze and looked away, as if unable to face the hurt confusion in Brian's blue eyes. "I won't be bothering you anymore…." He told him in a level tone, his words edged in bitterness. He turned his head to meet Brian's eyes again.

"I'm sorry…." Michael added in a soft whisper, full of regret.

Brian blinked at him, confused. He tried to get his mind around this startling new concept, but failed. "I….. don't understand…" the young doctor whispered back. "What …?" Brian stopped, unsure just what question to ask. None of this was making sense. He shook his head and started over.

"What are you talking about?" Brian demanded, his voice rising higher in alarm as the meaning of Michael's words sank in. "I was never programmed, Michael!" he explained somewhat impatiently, his anxiety escalating. "They only conditioned YOU…"

Michael let out a sigh and then for the first time moved closer, and touched the bed, just the edge, and just with his finger-tips. To anyone else it would have seemed the most casual of gestures, but to Brian, this nearness spoke volumes.

"Madeleine explained it all to me," Michael began softly, focusing his gaze intently on the corner of the white blanket as if it held some fascination for him. "You were given a set of H-unit disks the same morning I was; they were slipped in among the reports on your desk…."

Brian opened his mouth to protest, to say this was a lie, but then he stopped; His breath caught in his throat. How did he know this wasn't true? He wondered, stunned. It was certainly something Madeleine would do, and nothing would be easier to insert the conditioning disks in Brian's ever-present stack of paperwork in his Medlab office, just where they knew the disks would be handled.

"Jesus…" Brian breathed out, unsettled and confused, the bottom dropping out of his world. Had he been like Michael? Influenced, coerced? Had all the ground swell of longing he had felt for Michael these past few days been imposed from outside, and had not come from his own heart? Brian's stomach lurched sickeningly, the foundation of his world rocking. Madeleine had managed to unsettle the one thing he had always been sure of, but now…

Now he didn't know. He didn't know his own heart anymore.

Michael went on in the same tightly controlled voice, his words unsettling Brian further, tilting him into despair.

"That's why you never thought of Ann this past week," Michael explained levelly, through tight lips. "That's why I never thought of Nikita…."

Brian buried his face in his hands, his head spinning. "Christ…" he swore viscerally. "Oh, God…."

He didn't see him, but he could still sense Michael stiffen, and then continue his narrative.

"You were de-programmed the same time I was, when you were in Medlab, after they got you the antidote…"

Brian lifted his head to stare at him, struggling to process this new concept. It fit, Brian thought grimly. Damn it, it fit. Brian had been out of it, unconscious, sick and delirious from the virus. Section could have done anything to him then. How would he know if he had been re-programmed or not? How would he know if he was programmed in the first place?

The young doctor's face contorted in a grimace of uncertainty, and sharp pain. He was confused more than ever now. Did he even know who he was anymore?

Michael flinched slightly at Brian's expression, as if he somehow blamed himself for Brian's pain. He took in a deep breath and went on, his mask of composure slipping dangerously.

"They didn't realize that the first session of de-programming hadn't been entirely successful…." Michael told him, his voice low and tense, a bare whisper. "There were still some residual effects…."

His voice broke on the last word, and Michael turned away, his face to the wall, his back to Brian. "When I took you home to my apartment, we were still under the influence of the drugs, the conditioning," Michael explained hoarsely, the words wrenched from him. "That's why we wanted to be together," the anguished operative choked out in regret, the words hissed out through stiff lips. "That's why we…. made love…"

"Michael, no!" Brian protested abruptly, leaning forward in the bed. He wanted to assure his friend that the love-making had been real, at least on his part. He wanted to explain that he didn't believe that Madeleine had conditioned him or drugged him into wanting Michael, that it had all been the truth, every touch, every kiss, had been what Brian wanted. There had been no need to condition Brian to need Michael- those feelings had always been there….

The agony of remorse in Michael's eyes made him stop, biting back the words in time. No, Brian thought, for once grateful to Madeleine for finding a way to save Michael's pride, and to perhaps to save their friendship. He wouldn't tell Michael the truth. If Michael believed that both of them had been helplessly drugged and not responsible for their feelings, then perhaps Michael could forgive himself for what he obviously now thought was a mistake.

Brian fought tears. He didn't want those beautiful memories to have all been a lie….

"Section was monitoring my apartment," Michael went on, his voice interrupting Brian's anguished thoughts. "They realized that the de-programming hadn't taken, when we…." Michael paused, unable to say the words. "That's when they pulled us in, retrieved us last night, in order to correct the …. problem…."

Brian flinched, stung by the concept that Michael would term their desire for each other a problem, although he knew this reaction was unreasonable. Still he was hurt, and his next words came out more harshly than he had intended them.

"So," Brian choked out grimly, "They fixed you….." He gave a short grunt and then finished with untypical sharp sarcasm, "That's just great…." The doctor bit his lip to keep it from trembling and gasped out another hurt question.

"Are the bastards through f*cking with us now?" he demanded angrily.

Michael stiffened, and then turned around slowly to meet Brian's eyes. He held the gaze for a long, tense moment before he replied. "Yes," he answered softly, his tone one of deep remorse. "We're… through…."

Brian blinked in shock. The tone of these words held so much more meaning than just what was on the surface; he knew with an intense sinking feeling in his heart that Michael's words were about them as well. A long, tense silence ensued, during which any faint hope that Brian had that Michael had meant the words another way withered and evaporated like a flower in the desert wind. The cold, distant look in the green eyes was too clear- Michael meant what he had said.

Their friendship was over.

Still, Brian had to make sure. "W-Why did you say it like that?" the young doctor asked quaveringly, his lower lip trembling. "You don't mean that you don't want to see me anymore…"Brian said hesitantly, barely able to force out the words. "You don't mean our friendship is over….?"

Michael looked away, his arms crossed across his chest, his jaw clenched, every muscle strained and resistant, his whole body hardening itself to Brian's pleas.

"It's for the best," Michael choked out tensely, his voice a low whisper. "They'll only use it against us…"

Brian sobbed involuntarily, the harsh sound wrenched from him. "Michael, no…" he cried, reaching out his hand to touch Michael's arm. The operative stepped carefully out of reach. Brian flinched, and dropped his hand, tears filling his eyes.

"I love you, Michael…" the heart-broken young doctor whispered hoarsely. "Please, you know that…."

Michael stared at him steadily, his eyes dry and unreadable. His arms still crossed his chest, as if shielding his own heart from the intense emotions of his friend and lover, blocking Brian's love out of his very soul.

"No, you don't love me, Brian. You were CONDITIONED to love me," Michael corrected him in a flat tone. "You will feel differently when the effects of the programming wear off…"

He turned his black-clad back to the hospital bed, shutting out the vision of Brian's tear-stained, horror-stricken face. "If there are still residual effects from the H-units, they might still be triggered by our being together…." Michael continued in the blank, emotionless voice. He turned his head to face Brian once more.

"Stay away from me," he ordered gruffly, his voice rising higher with his obvious tension. "And I'll stay away from you…" he added, the words an anguished warning growl in the back of his throat.

"Michael!" Brian called to him frantically, suddenly galvanized out of his stunned stupor by the harsh finality of these words. "MICHAEL!" He struggled to rise up enough to get out of the bed, but couldn't, still too weak from all he had endured at Madeleine's hands. "Michael, please… God, please…. " he sobbed weakly.

Michael stiffened his shoulders and did not turn around. Instead, he walked toward the door, his steps slow and dignified as if he were in a funeral march. At the threshold he whispered one last goodbye.

"I'm sorry…." Michael choked out. He left the room without looking back at Brian again.

There was total silence after Michael's departure; for a long time Brian was too shocked, too horrified to speak, to even make a sound. It was over. The young doctor could hardly comprehend it; it was just too unbelievable that he would never see Michael again, that they would never be close.

Never.

Suddenly the pain of this sledge-hammered him, a blow so sharp and strong, striking so deep that it set Brian's soul reeling, spiraling down into a pit of despair, crushed and bleeding….

Brian let out a sharp, anguished cry, feeling his heart break inside him. He turned his head into the pillow and closed his eyes, and just lay there, too hurt to even weep. When unconsciousness claimed him again a few moments later, he welcomed the blackness….

In her office at that moment, Madeleine smiled and turned off her monitor, on which she had been observing the interchange between Michael and Brian. She gave a short laugh, pleased with herself.

"Good," she said to herself softly. She had broken them. Individually, and apart. The two men were too much of a formidable team when together. Now, separately, she could manage them much easier. The threat of this team, this bonded brotherhood , was gone. Madeleine smirked to herself at this accomplishment. Paul had not believed it would possible, but she had done it. It had taken a lot of planning, a lot of strategy, but with the help of the latest technology, the H-units, she had achieved her goal.

She keyed the recording device on her desk and spoke, finishing her report.

"Alpha stage over," she intoned softly, unable to keep the smile out of her voice. "Test complete."

Madeleine sighed happily, and rose from her chair. Humming softly to herself, she walked to her orchid stand and began tending her tortured, captive flowers, sculpting them the way she wanted them to go….

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