Row 8, plot 30. That was all that was left of her sister. Natalie made her way slowly through the misty graveyard toward Nikita's burial site. The rain came down steadily on her uncovered blonde hair and tapped unrelentingly against the flowers she carried. Natalie was unaware of the rain. The closer she came to the grave, the more her grip on her composure loosened. After a two year search, after all the redtape, phone calls, detectives, and dead ends, she had finally found her sister. She would never get to meet her or hold her. They would never laugh together. Natalie would never be able to give her anything, to share anything with her. Nothing but these damn flowers, she thought. She sank to her knees, unheeding of the mud that stained her coat and dress. She carefully positioned the flowers and, putting her face in hands, wept.

************

Michael shifted the burden of the yellow roses to his other hand and opened the umbrella. A sense of unreality hit him suddenly. How ironic that he was here at Nikita's grave when the only place he really wanted to be was with her.

This was the first time he had left the Section since the War when Nikita had been shot. She was in Medlab now, in and out of consciousness. Her prognosis was uncertain. He had been given no assurances of her recovery. Almost as painful to him was the thought that, even if she recovered, there might be no way to restore their friendship. "We're finished", her last words to him, echoed in his head.

Natalie was startled from her sobbing when she heard someone approach. Looking up, she saw a young man in long, black coat holding out his handkerchief to her. She looked into his face and saw pain mixed with sympathy there. "Thank you," she said, accepting his offer of the handkerchief and his helping hand to stand up.

Michael moved the umbrella to shelter her from the rain. "I'm sorry about Nikita," he said, placing his flowers next to hers. "She was a beautiful person."

Natalie turned in shock to face him, standing close to him under the umbrella. "You knew my sister? You knew Nikita?"

Michael nodded. He was startled when Natalie threw her arms around him , hugging him, then just as qickly released him and stepped back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just I never got to meet her. All I have are newspaper clippings and police reports. No way of finding out what she was really like. Please, would you stay and talk to me?"

Michael looked down into her tear-stained face. Her eyes were the same shade of blue as Nikita's, and her mouth as beautifully curved. Unfortunately for her, she would be perfect for the purpose Section One had in mind for her.

"Of course I'd be happy to tell you everything about Nikita. My name's Michael Lewis; I was one of the pro bono attorneys on her case."

"So you tried to help my sister!" Natalie smiled gratefully at him. Considering Nikita's condition and the amount of suffering she endured at the hands of Section One, Michael could not bring himself to answer yes. Instead, he suggested they continue their discussion in the coffee shop across the street. Natalie took his arm and walked back down Row 8.

************

Natalie wrapped both hands around the big coffee mug, grateful for its warmth. Across the table from her sat Michael. A few raindrops still clung to his long reddish-brown hair, making it curl attractively. His green eyes focused on her as he listened intently. He had told her that he was Nikita's lawyer, but Natalie knew there was more to it than that. If he was still bringing flowers to her grave three years after her death, their connection must have been a strong one.

"I'm so glad she had you as a friend, Michael." Natalie took another sip of coffee. "From what I could gather about her life, she had so little affection, so little caring. If only I had been able to find her before she..." Tears came again at the thought of her sister's suicide in prison.

"It's so funny. I was the one who was supposed to have the short, miserable life with no love. I was the one who was supposed to be unlucky, not her."

Michael leaned forward and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I was born with a rather serious medical condition; I wasn't supposed to survive long. My mother gave me up for adoption. She kept Nikita who was born a year later." Natalie shook her head and sighed. "My flaws turned out to be great blessings. A nurse in the hospital got attached to me and adopted me. I grew up totally loved by my parents. After several surgeries, it seems I have a little time on this earth after all." She took a deep breath and looked directly at Michael. "She didn't do it. She didn't kill anyone."

Michael experienced a strong sense of deja vue. Nikita had said almost those very words at their first meeting.

"I just know she's innocent; I know she was a good person. Intuition is all I have to go on because everyone else thinks she was a cold-blooded killer. But I KNOW that can't be true." She looked at Michael for his reaction.

"I'd like to give you something," he told her. "I have a picture of her--would you like to have it?"

"Oh, yes, thank you! All I have are the police photos."

"Come to my car and I'll give it to you."

Natalie took his arm and smiled at him. "You're just so kind..." she told him.

A minute later he had pressed the tranquilizer gun to her neck and lifted her into the Section van.

************

Natalie tried to open her eyes and lift her head. It was difficult; the grogginess was a powerful opponent. She struggled again and this time overcame the enemy. She immediately wished she were still unconscious. She was in the white room with her hands and feet strapped to the metal chair. For a minute, she thought somehow she had exchanged places with her sister in prison and was about to be executed. She gasped in panic and tried to pull her arms out of the restraints. Someone stepped in front of her and she looked up into the face of a strikingly handsome man with cold blue eyes and salt-and pepper hair. He stood smoking his cigarette and regarding her thoughtfully.

"Let me go! What do you want?" Her lower lip trembled.

The cold-eyed man smiled. "We'll explain all that, my dear. I think you can be very helpful to us. I trust we will have your full co-operation?"

"Like hell! Why should I help you?"

She heard someone from behind her move into her line of sight. She looked up into the face she had been so grateful to see before. "Because we have your sister," Michael said.

************

Operations continued."You see, my dear, your sister didn't die in prison. She works for us."

"Who are you?" Natalie yelled.

He ignored her and went on. "She was scheduled to complete a very important mission for us this week. Unfortunately, she ran into a little trouble on her last assignment and is unable to fulfill her duties." He bent over and took her face in one hand, turning her head first one direction and the the other. "You look enough like her to fool our targets completely. You'll be going in her place."

"Ohhhh...." Natalie couldn't get her breath. The pain in her chest was the worst she could remember it. She thought she might black out. "My pills... in my coat..." she gasped.

It was Michael's hand that placed the pill under her tongue a minute later. He let his hand rest on her shoulder until she recovered.

Natalie didn't look at him, but her own reaction surprised her. "Why am I grateful that he's touching me and not the other one? IDIOT!" she thought to herself.

"Michael, take her to Room 4. Standard operating procedure." Operations regarded her like she was some mildly interesting insect specimen that he had just impaled for his collection. "Give her anything she wants."

He gave her one last chilling smile and left the room.

************

Natalie vainly made another attempt to pull her arm from Michael's grip. They stood in front of panelled double doors. Michael removed an electronic key from his pocket and slid it into the slot on the lock. The doors swung silently open.

"What are you going to do to me? What's Room 4?" Her panic was returning in full force.

Michael regarded her with great solemnity. His voice held a hint of sadness. "I'm not going to hurt you."

The room was not at all what she expected. Warm brick walls glowed with golden lamplight. Elegant furniture was arranged beautifully around persian carpets. Fresh flowers stood on the coffee table in a crystal vase. Natalie recognized them as orchids.

"Please, come in." Michael released her arm and motioned for her to enter.

She took a few timid steps into the room. Now she could see that Room 4 was like an apartment out of a magazine. There was a kitchen and a door that she could see led into a bedroom. A large Queene Anne dining table held folders, pens, and maps. She took a few more steps forward and the doors closed behind her.

"Please. Sit down." Michael walked over to a chair and removed his long, black coat. Over his turtleneck he wore a gun in a holster. He shrugged out of the holster and locked it in a nearby cabinet. He turned to look at Natalie, who remained standing.

"He said,'anything she wants'" Natalie looked beseechingly at Michael. "What does that mean? Does it mean I can see my sister?"

"Yes, I believe it might. After you complete the mission." Michael gazed at her so stoically and his voice was so controlled, Natalie was unable to read him.

"Please tell me, is that the truth? Is she still alive?" She waited tensely for his answer.

She thought she saw a look of pain cross his face before he responded, "Yes, she's alive." He walked toward her slowly and, taking her hand, led her to a seat at the kitchen counter.

"I'm going to make us some coffee and some breakfast. I'm sure you could use some."

Natalie watched Michael performing his domestic duties, and a sense of total unreality engulfed her. "I know where I am now."

Michael stopped and looked at her.

"I've fallen through the Looking Glass. I'm down the rabbit hole." She ran her hands through her hair. "We're having a Tea Party."

Michael surprised her by smiling and putting his hand on her arm for a moment. "Room 4 is where we sometimes brief for missions. We go over strategies, rehearse our roles. It's also where we can rest, unwind, and get mentally prepared for our assignments." He paused, searching for the right words. "You need to use this time to get used to me; to trust me."

"TRUST you?" Natalie said in disbelief. "What are you talking about? Why do I need to trust you?"

Michael's reply was almost apologetic. "On our assignment, we're going to be playing husband and wife."

*************

Michael poured her a cup of coffee and set it in front of her. It was followed by a plate of bacon, eggs, and English muffins.

"What are you eating?" she asked him.

"I'll have something later."

"No, I'm supposed to get anything I want, and right now I want you to eat breakfast." She gave him a challenging look. "So, how was that for wifely?"

Michael's only reply was to get another plate and take a seat next to her. He obediently lifted his fork and began eating.

"O.K. This is going well. I'll try another question." She turned to look at him. "What's this mission?"

Michael sipped his coffee. "It's simple, really. We'll be posing as buyers for chemical weapons. The sellers have already seen Nikita and me in a previous negotiation. They know that we are a married couple that do everything together and are very attached to one another." He took another bite of his muffin. "They'll know something is wrong if I show up alone. Or if we don't act as ..."he paused. "Affectionately," he finished.

"Oh. So, we're supposed to hold hands and exchange longing looks?"

He wouldn't look at her. "Not exactly."

"Well, WHAT, exactly? Something more overt?"

Michael sighed. "The couple we're impersonating had a reputation for ...uhh...exhibitionism."

Natalie almost choked on her coffee. "What kind of exhibitionism?"

Her only answer was Michael's uncomfortable silence.

"Please, Michael. Just what kind of stuff did you do?"

Michael cleared his throat and gave her a list. "Nikita sat on my lap for a good part of the negotiation. She...uhh..."

"Let me guess. She groped you."

"Yes. She also opened her top and flashed me.."

Natalie jumped up from her seat on the counter and walked to the table. She stood with her back to Michael. Her arms were crossed and her head down. "That's enough. I get the picture."

Michael heard her take a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry for you,"she said.

"What did you say?"

Her head came up and she looked at him over her shoulder. "You heard me." She paused. "They do this to you a lot, don't they?" She walked over to him and put her hand on his cheek. "They pimp you out. They use you. They force you to be intimate with people you don't care about." She dropped her hand. "Maybe with dangerous, loathsome, criminal types."

Michael's only reaction was the clenching of his jaw.

Natalie went on. "They do this to Nikita, too, don't they? To you both. You'd like a real life with Nikita, but you don't have a real life, do you? You're just pawns in their deceptions, in their games. You must feel cheated."

"It has to be done." Michael walked over to the table and sat down. "I wish things could be different."

Natalie sat down at the table across from him. She took a pad of Post-its and a pen and appeared to be doodling. "I'm beginning to see the big picture." She looked up at him. "I'll play along. I'll even trust you with something." She stopped scribbling and stood up. "I can't do the flash thing." She began to unbutton her blouse and pull her chemise up from the waistband of her slacks.

"Natalie, what are you doing?"

She smiled shyly. "Three open heart surgeries..." She showed him the scars. Pulling her blouse closed again , she said,"No flashing, O.K.? But I'm willing to do 'overt.'" With a little grin, she gathered up the Postits she had written on and stuck them on her clothes. The fourth Post-it she deftly pressed against the back of Michael's pants.

"Natalie..." Michael stood up and came toward her. As he got closer he could read the note on her left breast that said,"Squeeze Me." The note on her thigh said "This Way To Heaven" with an arrow pointing up. She turned so he could read the note on her rear. It said, Kiss This."

Michael started to laugh. She was as unpredictable and impish as Nikita.

She laughed with him, then grew serious. "I wanted to show you that I can do this. For Nikita. To show you that You can trust ME." She plucked the note off his hip and showed it to him. It said,"Can't Touch This."

He stood very tensely before her, lowering his arms to his sides. She sensed his vunerability.

He looked at her solemnly and said, "You can touch if you want."

************

Natalie froze for a moment. She hadn't expected things to get this serious. He really was beautiful; she suddenly realized how much she did want to touch him.

Michael reached out to take her hand, and she let him hold it for a moment. In spite of his stance of offering and his intense look, Natalie could sense his tension and discomfort. She broke their locked gaze, looking away first.

"Well, mission accomplished!" She smiled at him and dropped his hand. "Mutual trust established."

She looked toward the bedroom door. " It's O.K. I'll wait 'til tomorrow to use and mistreat you. I'm going to go to bed now. I mean, go to sleep now..." She blushed. Michael smiled a little at her embarrassment.

She walked into the bedroom, trying to not give the appearance of running. Her heart raced a little. She thought she might have to take another pill.

------------------------------------------------

The nightmare was a bad one. She couldn't reach Michael. The cage was in her way. And then there were rats... She tried to scream , but couldn't. Now she was back in the white room, strapped to the chair. "nooo..." she whimpered. The nightmare grew worse. There were so many flowers, so much mud--- she was drowning in the rain in the cemetary...

"Natalie, wake up."

She startled and tried to pull away from him, breathing hard.

"It's all right. It's just a bad dream..."

She slumped against his chest and he gathered her into his arms and rocked her. Michael certainly knew all about bad dreams. After a few minutes, she pulled out of the embrace and sat up away from him, leaning against the headboard. The room was dark, but Natalie could see a blanket that had slid down in the chair next to the bed.

"What were you doing?" she asked. "Were you really getting any sleep in that chair?"

"Yes, a little."

"Michael, don't be dumb. Please, come to bed." She patted the matress beside her.

Michael lifted an eyebrow.

"God, that did not come out right." She laughed. "I mean, come sleep in the bed." She gave him an impish grin. "I promise, I won't jump you, O.K.?"

"O.K."

He lay down on the far side of the king-size bed, folding his arms across his chest. "Goodnight, Natalie."

She heaved a dramatic sigh, and moved to the foot of the bed. Michael raised up to look at her. She looked back, but didn't say anything. Matter-of-factly she removed his boots for him and covered him with the blanket. Climbing back on her side of the bed, she said,"Goodnight, Michael."

************

Natalie came suddenly awake to the sound of Michael's moaning. She sat up quickly and reached for him. He was thrashing around violently, entangled in the blanket.

"No! Nikita, no!"

Natalie placed her hands on either side of his face and tried to hold him still. "Michael, hey! Michael, wake up!"

He was still tossing violently. She lay across him and grabbed his wrists, trying to pin him down. "Shhh, shhh... it's all right..."

His eyes came open. They held raw fear. Then he looked at her, and he relaxed in her grip. He reached for her and buried his face in her neck, still panting.

She murmured soothingly in his ear and held him close. She stroked his hair, his shoulders, and gave him tiny, light kisses on his face. She wasn't sure exactly when the timid kisses grew bolder, or how or when the touches became caresses. She only knew she wanted him very badly.

Michael was nuzzling her neck and moved to pull her nightshirt aside , when he seemed to come aware of himself and stopped.

"I'm sorry.."

Michael attempted to pull away, but Natalie clutched him tightly. "No, don't be sorry. I want this. I want to give you this. Just one night of something real, just one night of no pretending..."

She continued to kiss him, on his shoulders, on his mouth. "Please, let me be yours for just this one night...just one night with you, Michael.." He gave a small cry and resumed kissing her.

----------------------------------------------

Sometime later, Natalie lay in Michael's arms. She couldn't be sure what was giving her more pleasure, the blissful union of their bodies, or Michael's mouth, kissing her neck and murmuring in her ear. Some of it was French; he said something about how beautiful she was. She was his amour, he had whispered, she was his cherie, his dear one. She was..."ma Nikita.."

He became still and lay his head against her shoulder. "Forgive me.."

"Shhh... there's nothing to forgive." She kissed him again. "Let me be your Nikita tonight.."

Michael brushed his hand against her cheek and looked into her eyes.

"Do you forgive me, Michael?" she said softly.

"For what?"

"For breaking my promise not to jump you."

He laughed against her mouth as she kissed him and then again moved to hold her more tightly in his arms.

*************

Operations paced the hallway, waiting for the van to return with Michael and Natalie from their mission. He sensed things had gone well last night, but what counted was how things went TODAY.

Michael had radioed in to tell them to have a medical team standing by. This was never a good sign. Since the War, every injury, every loss, cut deep.

Operations was relieved when the van door came open and Michael jumped down, obviously still in one piece.

"What happened?"

To Operations' astonishment, Michael ignored him until he had lifted an ashen-faced Natalie onto the waiting stretcher and watched the medical attendants whisk her down the hall to Medlab.

"She started feeling bad before we got there. It's really serious."

"Michael," the older man hissed. "What about the mission?"

Michael looked at him blankly for a moment, and then answered. "It went fine. We told the sellers that she had been in a bad car wreck and was still recuperating. We told a story about her having minor plastic surgery on her face to explain any differences. Natalie sat on my lap through the meet, just like Nikita did before." Michael twitched and looked longingly down the hallway.

"AND?" Operations got in his face. "Do we have closure?"

"Yes, everything went as planned." He paused. "May I go now?"

"Yes, Michael, you may." Operations shook his head as Michael rushed past him. He took a drag from his cigarette. "Ahhh, young love..." He smiled.

In front of the Medlab doors, Michael hesitated. He didn't know which sister was more gravely ill, Natalie or Nikita. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing them both.

One of the doctors flung open the swinging door and approached him. "There you are. What the hell were you thinking, taking that girl out on a mission?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," answered the doctor,"that girl's heart was giving out. The original malformations and damage to her heart were so severe..."

Michael interrupted him. "But she had had surgery.."

The doctor looked at him with sympathy. "The surgeries were a bandaid, not a cure. What she had no one could fix. I'm surprised she lived this long."

"What does that mean?" Michael's voice was low and intense.

"I'm sorry." The doctor touched his arm briefly. She's got a few hours, that's all."

She looked so frail lying on the cot. She looked so much like Nikita. Michael tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat.

"Michael?" Natalie tried to sit up.

"I'm here," he said, taking her hand in his.

"I won't get to see Nikita, will I?"

Michael gave her an anguished look. "Natalie.."

She grasped his hand firmly and looked at him. "Michael, I get anything I want, remember?" She smiled. "I've had a wonderful life. I've had everything I could want. I've had one night with you."

Michael's eyes stung with tears.

"There's one last thing I want. "

"What, ma cherie? What? I'll do anything..."

He was stunned at her answer. "Let me save Nikita."

"What? How..?"

"My heart may be bad, but my other organs can be used.. My blood, my bonemarrow... "

Michael was crying openly now.

Her serenity overcame her pain and she smiled again. "Tell the doctor to get ready to bring Nikita back to you. You take care of her for me, O.K.?"

"Yes, I promise." His voice broke.

Natalie sighed as he kissed her one last time. Then he turned and went running down the hall for the doctor.

************

Michael gazed down lovingly at the blonde-haired woman on the hospital bed. Her cheeks were no longer frighteningly pale, her breathing now deep and regular as she slept. Sleep. Michael rubbed his eyes. He had had almost no sleep these past four days. Four days which had included two surgeries and a death. He didn't want to think about the loss of Natalie. He made himself think only about the fact that Nikita would now survive because of her. Part of him was still amazed that she had affected him so deeply in the incredibly brief time they had had together. He recalled her telling him in the coffee shop how much she had wished to be able to give something to Nikita, to be part of her life. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. Natalie had given Nikita life itself.

Nikita stirred and clawed futilely at the IV in her hand.

Michael reached out to smooth the hair away from her forehead and said soothingly, "Easy, easy.. You're going to be fine, shhh.."

Nikita's blue eyes opened and looked at him. It was the first time in weeks that her eyes held comprehension. Painfully for Michael, they also held intense anger.

"Don't! Don't touch me!" Nikita pulled away from his hand and turned her head. She could not control the tears that came suddenly. The humiliation was more painful to her than any physical injury she had endured. She couldn't bear his touch, his nearness. "Go away...please.." She gave a small sob.

Michael's heart wrenched; he wanted so for them to be close-to have what he had had with Natalie.

Just then, it hit Michael why he had connected with Natalie so strongly, why he had cared so deeply. Everything about Natalie- her beauty, her gentleness, her humor, her tenderness-were qualities that he loved in Nikita. Somehow, this understanding eased his sense of guilt, his pain at thought of betraying Nikita once again. Natalie had given Michael a great gift; she had given him back his self-respect. She had seen some goodness in him. To Nikita she had literally given her life. Natalie had given both of them another chance.

Michael was hurt by Nikita's tears, but a new hope filled him. "No, Nikita. I won't leave you. I'll be here for you, I promise."

Nikita's eyes were tightly shut. Michael did not know if she had heard him.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. "I promise you both," he said to himself before quietly leaving the room.

The End

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