Contains spoilers for UTI and WOB.

Michael.

Just the name is an enigma to me. I can never quite figure him out. On one mission he can be cruel and calculating, like he was when I was brainwashed to be with Karl. He knowingly participated while Operations and Madeline twisted my heart into a million pieces.

On the next mission, he can be sweet and kind. The way he helped me and my mother was unbelievably sensitive. He gave her the opportunity to say goodbye, as well as letting me know how much she loved me. I don’t think there could be anything better.

Then, to top it all off, after my mother had been gone for several minutes, he came into my hospital room. He gently pulled all the wires off me and then held me as I sobbed. In that instant, I knew that it didn’t matter my mother forgave herself. It didn’t matter if she even loved me. All that mattered was staying alive, and keeping Michael by my side. I’m not naïve enough to think this was going to be easy. I live in Section, for God’s sake. All I know is that I have to try.

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I hate it. I hate manipulating Nikita. I hate using her feelings to accomplish missions. And most of all, I hate seeing the hate in her eyes when she looks at me. I’ll be the first one to say, I definitely deserved it when she slapped me. In fact, I had been wondering why she hadn’t slapped me a lot sooner.

I deserved it.

So, when she asked for my help to save her mother, it was the very least I could do. The guilt had been piling up after the Peruze mission, and I had to find some way to relieve it. Also, when those tears start piling up in her beautiful blue eyes, I just can’t seem to say no.

Hell, even if she’s not crying, I can’t say no to her. And, me, being the sucker that I am, went right along with her. But afterwards, when her mother had left and I was holding her in my arms, I couldn’t help feeling that I had done the right thing. I couldn’t help feeling that both Nikita and her mother would be better off. And, I couldn’t help feeling that I was forever changed. Not only by this one little adventure, I have them all the time when Nikita’s around. No, I am forever changed by Nikita.

It seems that her caring and loyalty are rubbing off on me. Three or four years ago I wouldn’t have even considered helping another operative to see their mother. I would have either had the operative canceled, their mother canceled, or both. But now, after being around and with Nikita, I find myself helping every wayward operative that comes to me. And, I find myself sleeping better at night for helping.

The End

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