(Author's note : This is a sequel to "Criminal Love" set two months afterwards. This fan fiction was partly inspired by one of my favorite movies "Pandora" with Ava Gardner and James Mason.)

Everybody inside Section noticed there was something strange going on between Michael and Nikita. With these two, it was always fire or ice, they were either arguing passionately or coldly trying to ignore each other. For the last months though, they were only quiet. Too polite, too subdued. Very politically correct indeed. Perfect Section operatives. Yes, this was odd, and everybody thought so, but nobody dared make a comment to any of them. Walter was the only one who after a few weeks had said to Nikita: "Hey, sugar what's wrong with you and Michael?" She had calmly answered: "Nothing, why?"

"You're both so quiet honey, I'm beginning to worry. Guess he finally crossed that line, hey."

"What line Walter?" she said slightly annoyed.

"He pushed you too far and now you hate him for good, sweetheart," he stated.

"No... I don't hate him", she sighed. When Walter had seen the shadow of pain that had lingered in her eyes for a short moment he had never brought up the question again.

************************************************************

Nikita felt cold. She braced her arms around her, even though she knew it was hopeless. The coldness she felt had nothing to do with the breeze coming from the open window of her living room, it lied deeply within her. Nothing seemed to warm her since her last open hearted discussion with Michael two months ago. She was finally convinced of his love, though he had never admitted to it, and for a while it had been enough, sort of. In her emotional desert, Michael's love offered her a long-awaited shelter. But weeks had passed and his undeniable love was still denied to her. Her heart was warm but her body neglected for too long felt cold. Nikita rarely smiled anymore. Except when a mission required it of course, and then she could feel the muscles around her mouth tense from the effort. Sure, she still stopped at Walter's desk and exchange jokes with him, she would tousle Birkoff's hair, annoying him while he was testing some new software, but her heart wasn't in it. She came to realize she was desperately trying to act normally. She didn't have Michael's armor to hide behind. To convince Section everything was okay with her, she had to behave as she used to. Pretending to be joking with Walter, smiling shyly to Madeline, playing with Birkoff. Acting as her old self. And as the weeks passed, it had become harder and harder to play that part, because she wasn't the same person anymore. Since Michael had asked her to let go of him so that Section could be convinced there were no feelings between them, she had dramatically changed.

She didn't feel anger towards him anymore, only sadness. She didn't even blame Section One for what Michael had told her, deep inside she knew it was only an excuse he used to stay away from her, or rather to have her stay away from him. She didn't doubt for a second the ruthlessness of Section, but she was willing to take the risk. Michael just couldn't.

She ached so much for him, and when she allowed herself to cry, it was never for herself but for him. He was so lonely, lonelier than she had ever been when she lived in the streets. He denied himself any hopes, any future, he even denied himself a peaceful death. She loved him but felt helpless. She didn't know how to ease his pains. She didn't even know if it was within her power. She used to think love could heal anything. Now, she wondered. Michael had been hurt so much and moreover HE had hurt so many, including her. He could never forgive himself because only his victims could. And most of them were dead. How could he find inner peace, even if he regretted his actions, knowing that for the sake of Section, he would have to commit the same crimes (sacrificing innocents for the greater good) again and again and again, till he died.

If he had asked for her help, at least she would have known where to start. She would have offered her love to soothe his heart, her body to heal his wounds, her arms to quell his nightmares. And even this way, she doubted it would ever be enough to ease his tortured soul.

But he had rejected her help, her love, so afraid was he that he would one day destroy her. "You may not be good for me Michael but I need you," she whispered trembling. She was afraid she would never feel warm again.

************************************************************

Michael tried avoiding it but he couldn't take his eyes off Nikita as she was leaning on Walter's back, her upper arms resting on the old man's shoulders while he was busy building a new type of bomb. He felt a surge of envy as he watched him accept her shy embrace with a smile. By the look on her face, Michael could sense that she needed the comfort of Walter's body warmth for a while, and the old man was gladly offering it. The young operative cursed himself for not being able to take her in his arms, embrace her and hold her tight until she would smile again. But he couldn't, because he wouldn't stop there and even if he could make her feel better for a while, he would ultimately bring death upon her. With that thought in his mind, he turned away and resumed his work.

"Walter?" Nikita sighed.

"Yes, sugar," he turned his head slightly to look at her then returned his gaze to the bomb.

"What is the greatest love proof you can give to someone?" she asked.

"Why, is it a quiz for some girl's magazine? What do I win, if I give the right answer?" he questioned.

Not shifting positions, her arms still lying on his shoulders Nikita gave him a little peck on the cheek before answering: "A kiss."

"Well then sugar, I think the answer is to let go of the one you love if that's necessary... It's the hardest part but that's the ultimate proof according to me," he pondered thinking of Belinda.

"Oh..." she sighed realizing that it was what Michael had done. "What comes second then."

Walter paused for a few seconds before adding "Did you see that movie 'Pandora' with Ava Gardner? Ha what a woman!" Nikita shook her head. "Well, in the film, she thinks that love can be measured up to what you're willing to sacrifice for it. And of course if you love truly, you're supposed to sacrifice what is most precious to you. Beautiful film".

Nikita pondered on that, wondering what was the most precious thing she had. It was a tough question but at least it gave her a faint hope to maybe sort things out with Michael.

She wrapped her arms around Walter's neck and gave him a huge kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Walter," she said.

The old man grinned, not because of the two kisses he had been granted but because she had smiled the way she used to for the first time in weeks.

************************************************************

"Michael you wanted to see me?" Nikita asked standing at the door of his office.

Michael looked up from his computer screen and with a gesture asked her to come in.

She sat in front of him, pulling on her tight skirt so it would cover her knees. She was trying hard to keep her word to let go of him. She wasn't acting seductively around him anymore, she tried to control her eyes too, so it wouldn't plead with him to stop the pain they both were experiencing. She was feeling awkward around him lately because she was only seeing him during briefings and missions. She didn't allow herself to go and see him to question him on Intel. She was voicing her concern or her disagreement with the course of a mission during briefings or directly to Madeline. She hadn't fought with him over anything in weeks and surprisingly she missed that part of him too. She was glad that he wouldn't stop taking her in his team, but she knew it was because it was the best way for him to keep an eye on her so he could protect her. Her strain of thought was cut by his voice.

"The parameters of the latest mission have changed, Madeline will explain everything to you, she wanted to see you," he said and paused not looking at her.

"Yes, Michael? Is that all?" she asked worriedly. He sure didn't need to invite her into his office to tell her that. She knew the great lines of the mission, the target was an arm smuggler selling weapons to terrorist groups, Michael was supposed to gain his trust enough to be invited into his heavily guarded mansion where he could have access to his computer files with the names and locations of his clients.

"No... In the sim I ran, I am supposed to portray a Basque terrorist buying weapons for an organization in France... Since our target is an ex-IRA member and a fervent Catholic, Madeline thinks I would gain his trust more easily if I showed up with a wife," Michael finally raised his eyes from the computer with that last word.

Nikita was so shocked by the irony of the situation she considered laughing, but she only emitted "And I am to be..."

"My wife," Michael finished not looking at her and visibly annoyed.

"I see," was all Nikita could say. She looked inquisitively at him, trying to sense how he was dealing with it. The perspective of the two of them lying side by side in the same bed, with maybe the necessity to "perform" for the cameras in order to be "convincing as a married couple" made her shiver. And fear had nothing to do with it. She longed for him and would jump on the opportunity to be with him, even if the world was watching. Finally, the Section was offering her a way to convey her overwhelming love to him and he would be powerless to stop her.

Michael could read her like an open book. In an instant, he saw through her eyes what she was planning to do. But he couldn't allow that. Pushing her away had been an easy decision to make, he knew he didn't have a choice, sticking to it and living with it was a completely different thing. He had made himself clear two months ago and he had been glad to see she was keeping her end of the bargain. But now, he realized she hadn't given up on him and this was unacceptable. She still refuses to see who I truly am, he thought. He decided to remind her once again.

"Remember that whatever happens, it will only be a mission, nothing else," he said giving her one of his coldest stares.

Nikita smiled slowly "I know Michael, whatever it takes, you can count on me." With that she left, swaying her hips joyously.

Michael closed his eyes and tightened his fists. She still wanted him. It was so obvious, he couldn't help being overwhelmed by her desire. But he reminded himself that she didn't love him. Not the real him. Only her mentor, protector and twice lover. She hated the manipulative Michael, the cold op who could let innocents be butchered for the sake of Section's higher interests. Yes, she didn't know him. But she would. He would show her. By the end of this mission, he would make sure she despised him as much as he despised himself.

************************************************************

Seannan McGuire was a 50 year-old-man with a rubicund face. His almost jovial look was obscured by the coldness of his dark blue eyes. He limped from a bullet received in Belfast when he was 13. He didn't consider himself an arm smuggler but a freedom fighter offering weapons and expertise to others fighting oppression like he had. Well, that was his way of putting it. The number of innocent lives destroyed on both sides of the fence because of his deeds didn't bother him the least. It was according to him a "necessary evil", they were simply victims of war. Nikita hated the guy the minute she set eyes on him.

She and Michael had arrived earlier in the afternoon to meet McGuire in his "office", a tiny cottage hidden in a garden behind his huge New England mansion. He received all his "business partners" there, but the entrance to the mansion was denied to anyone but close friends. Nikita and Michael had only a couple of hours to charm him and get invited to the house for the week end. Michael played the part of Michel Bixente, a French Basque terrorist who had spent half of his life in jail in Spain and France, for murderous attempts on both sides of the border. Nikita portrayed his wife, an American with Irish origins. She was supposed to have met Michel in France where she was studying. She had fallen for him as well as his ideas and quickly had become a devoted and lethal member of his organization. They were supposed to have been married for five years.

McGuire had invited them for tea and they were all politely discussing the arms deal between crumpets and muffins. The man acted as a warmhearted guest. Nikita let Michael discuss the deal while she idly observed the park beyond the French doors. Michael was fiercely discussing the reasons why his terrorist group had to fight to free the Basque country. His part required for him to be a passionate activist. As always, he was acting convincingly but Nikita wondered if he had to. Maybe he was just remembering the man he was when he worked for "L'heure sanguine". Nikita focused on the mission again when she heard McGuire address her.

"Nikita? "

"Yes, Mr. McGuire", she smiled.

"Please call me Seannan," he asked. She nodded. "Would you like a walk in the park, I caught you admiring it?"

"I'd love to. Will you both accompany me?" she politely asked. Her character may be a terrorist but in defining the profile, Madeline had told her McGuire liked women who could fight as long as they would stay where they belonged, meaning one step behind their men.

"We'll catch up on you, if that's OK with your husband of course," he said.

Michael nodded and was surprised when Nikita gave him a tender kiss on the cheek before saying in French "A tout à l'heure, chéri." (See you later darling.)

************************************************************

Nikita was walking among the huge maple trees ignoring their beauty. She was wondering how Michael would charm the man into opening his house to them. So far, his passionate description of his terrorist actions had only ensured them McGuire's sympathy. He would sell the weapons to them, he had even offered a rebate! He also seemed totally immune to Nikita's allure. He was a widower faithful to the memory of his dead wife as far as Section knew. She sighed seeing the perspective of playing Michael's wife between the sheets evading her. "Too good to be true," she said out loud.

"What is too good to be true?" asked a tiny voice above her.

Nikita was startled and ready to take the small gun hidden in her leather boot. She looked up and saw a little girl perched on a tree.

"Hi, you scared me," smiled Nikita.

"So, what is too good to be true," the child insisted.

"This place," she lied. "It's beautiful."

"Oh..." she sighed disdainfully. "I think it's boring."

Nikita suddenly realized that the girl was on the top of a very high tree. "Be careful up there. Don't move I'll come and get you," and she started to climb, easily joining her.

"I'm not afraid" assured the girl to Nikita who was carefully sitting on the branch next to her afraid it would not support both their weights. She smiled once more to the beautiful child with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes who must have been 8 year-old. "What's your name?" Nikita asked. "Molly and you?". "Nikita, nice to meet you Molly but you know I am a little bit afraid of heights so do you mind going down with me?"

Molly pondered the question then nodded. At that moment Nikita heard McGuire screaming "Molly! Don't move, I'll come and get you." The old man was limping as fast as he could towards them, Michael arrived before him below the tree and Nikita carefully lowered the kid into his waiting arms. Panting, McGuire scolded the little girl before taking her in his arms. "I told you a thousand times not to come here and not to climb up the trees, you could have fallen!"

Nikita came down the tree and observed the scene with unease. 'How could this man sell weapons of mass destruction and be so caring with this child?' she thought.

"I was bored," said Molly. "I wouldn't have fallen, I was talking to Nikita, she's afraid of heights."

Nikita gave McGuire and Molly a sweet smile and Michael winced. She glowed around kids. But he also saw an opportunity when McGuire warmly thanked the young operative for protecting his grandchild. "She's the only family I have left," he had emphatically stated. While McGuire was moving away to take the child back to her nurse, Michael whispered to Nikita "Ask if you can play in the park with her?" Nikita saw where he was going at and as much as she disliked using the kid, she complied. Michael saw her run after the older man who finally accepted under Molly's insistence "to play with her new friend".

Michael smiled, he knew how to get in the house now.

************************************************************

"How did you do it, Michael?" Nikita asked while they were walking in the park before dinner.

"I didn't, you did. You and Molly," he said. "After you left to play with her, we continued chatting and I pointed out that you liked being with children since you had lost your baby."

"What!" she asked

"I told him you had just suffered a miscarriage and couldn't have children anymore. You're supposed to be really depressed by it. You'll have to act accordingly, try to look sad from time to time when you watch Molly, that will do it. McGuire sounded moved. When he saw you play with Molly and the way she clung to you when we joined you later, I didn't have to do anything. His offer to stay for the week end came naturally. So here we are," he stated observing the beautiful mansion where their luggage had been taken.

Nikita took his arm and nuzzled against his side, Michael didn't push her away, there were a dozen guards around the house watching them closely. He could tell Nikita was clearly taking advantage of the situation.

"Yes, here we are Michael," she whispered under her breath. She couldn't wait for the night to fall.

************************************************************

Dinner had been entertaining. McGuire was as always a friendly host. And Molly sat by Nikita. The child was visibly spoiled but adorable nevertheless. She was feeling lonely in this heavily guarded house with tutors and nurses but no children to play with. Her grandfather was too cautious to let her go to school. Nikita had to admit he had reasons to be, if Section had known Molly ever left the house, they would have kidnapped her and blackmailed her grandfather into giving them the information they needed, or else... Nikita trembled at the thought.

After a last drink, McGuire had excused himself to take Molly to bed. Michael and Nikita were alone in the dining room.

"Michel?" she softly asked.

Michael shuddered internally at the sound of his real name on her lips. Nobody had called him like this in a long time. Since they had arrived she had had many opportunities to say it, but she hadn't, she had used words like "chéri" or "darling" but never his real name. She had waited for them to be alone and still in character to do that. He knew what she was doing and felt a now usual feeling of anger and longing burst in him.

"Yes, Nikita," he calmly said.

"Shouldn't we go to bed now? I'm tired..." she seductively stated.

Michael could see the shining in her eyes, and the expectation and desire lingering there. He looked at her coldly.

"Don't forget what we came here for. It's business, not a holiday. I still need to sort things out with Mr. McGuire. I want it to be done by tonight."

Nikita couldn't believe her ears. According to the mission profile they were supposed to wait until tomorrow to retrieve the files. The delay was supposed to give them time to study the place and calm the guards' suspicions. He was so eager to keep her at bay that he was risking the mission! But Michael surprised her furthermore when he suddenly added sweetly "Go to bed first ma chérie, I'll join you soon" and slightly bent to brush his lips against hers.

He convinced himself he had done so to stay in character. If they were being watched, they would look like a casual couple saying goodnight. But he had also indulged himself. He hoped Nikita hadn't noticed that. Anyway, she was probably too angry at him right now to pay attention. When he looked into her eyes again, he didn't expect what he saw.

Instead of the ire he was genuinely hoping for, he saw a tremendous sadness. "Sure," she said acceptingly and raised her hand to caress his cheek. He nearly stopped her but couldn't, in case there were cameras. Instead, he focused on keeping his breathing steady. She tenderly stroked his face as if to memorize it, with utter tenderness in her gaze. Then, she gave him a sweet and delicate kiss, unlike any she had ever given him before. He fought not to respond to her soft lips and wondered how he found the resistance. Would she ever understand how difficult it was for him to control his actions with her? This only reaffirmed his decision to make her stay away from him. It was too dangerous. It was too good. He wasn't THAT controlled. Sooner or later, he would break and seal her fate. Too soon though, her lips left his. He caught his breath and tried but couldn't escape her eyes. She looked at him with longing before whispering in his ear. "I love you, Michel. Be careful."

************************************************************

In the darkness of the bedroom, Nikita turned in the empty bed worrying for Michael. She hated being left on the side like this while he was on a mission. They were supposed to retrieve the files together and there he was on his own, while she restlessly waited for his return. She sighed thinking about the scene earlier in the dining room. She should have seen it coming. Winning Michael wasn't going to be an easy fight. She dreaded her return to Section, with the perspective of endless days where they would barely talk, sleepless nights where she would miss him and dream of missions like these where they would pretend to be in love. She felt so frustrated she could scream. She needed to do something about it, design a plan. Anything rather than wait. She needed a path of action to convince him she would always be there for him and that she needed him more than life itself. She thought about her conversation with Walter. She would sacrifice anything to be with him, really be with him. Even if she had to pay for it later. But he wouldn't let her risk her life. And she still wondered how she could ever change his mind about this when he quietly entered the room.

"Michel?" she asked.

"Yes, chérie, go back to sleep," he said under his breath.

"Did you talk to McGuire, is everything settled," she whispered.

"Yes, but the matter isn't solved," he spoke from the bathroom where he was undressing.

"Oh... Will you try again tomorrow?" Great she thought, he hadn't retrieved the files. They would be forced to stay there another day and maybe another night.

"Yes, but with a different approach," he answered entering the bed. As he had expected, she nuzzled against him. This time, he didn't push her back. Nikita smiled against his bare chest and felt him embrace her and place a soft kiss on her neck. She relaxed completely and turned her head to kiss him. But he held her face in place and started to suck on her earlobe. She shivered utterly content and heard him whisper softly in her ear "Couldn't find the files. Change of profile. Tomorrow we take Molly".

As he had expected, her whole body tensed. He held her more tightly to him reminding her with his eyes they could be watched. She calmed down and whispered back at him "Molly? Why?" but she already knew the answer to that question. He let go of her, adding for their eventual watchers "You're tired, you need to sleep, we'll discuss this tomorrow." That said, he turned and soon fell asleep.

Nikita laid there staring at his back, a disbelieving look on her face. She didn't sleep at all that night.

************************************************************

"I won't let you Michael, I won't let you do that," she hissed.

"You can't stop me," he simply stated. Thirty minutes earlier he had awaken to find Nikita already dressed. Before leaving the bedroom she had offered to "Michel" a walk in the park before breakfast. He had nodded and later joined her as far as possible of the house, the guards and any listening devices.

"Just because Section asked for it..." she started

"...doesn't make it less forgivable, I know," he said, "I told you that." He calmly stared at her.

The realization of what he was doing suddenly crashed on her.

"You don't need to do that to convince me you're a ruthless man. I know, I've seen you act before!" she screamed.

He took her arm to remind her to keep quiet in case somebody was watching.

"The profile ask for it, Ni-ki-ta. We're under orders. I didn't decide anything. I just comply and so will you," he roughly added.

"No fucking way, she's an innocent child! There must be another way to get the files even if there are not in the house. We can kidnap HIM. Madeline will make him talk. I'll make him talk!" she violently insisted.

"The decision doesn't belong to you. We need him alive as long as he owns the files and he knows it, he wouldn't talk under these circumstances," he said.

"You knew it from the beginning. You knew that if we didn't find the files in the house, the mission was to kidnap Molly, didn't you?" she asked.

"I hoped we wouldn't have to go that far," he explained. "You'll wait in the car while I go get her. That's the only thing I can do," he offered.

"Oh, so I don't get dirty and can forget about it! Who do you think I am, Michael? I am not gonna let Section lay a finger on her. What will happen to her if he doesn't talk? What will happen to her if he does talk? Will she be returned safe and sound? Can you promise that? Or will you lie about it so I can comply! No way Michael, this time I'm not taking any chances. Molly stays here!" she spoke inches from his face. Michael had never seen her so angry. He was happy with himself, she hated him more than she ever had. She was finally seeing what he was made of. The part of him he loathed. For reassurance, he tried one last thing. The final test. He tried to gently calm her down by caressing her face.

She pushed him away violently "Don't touch me!".

There she was. It was over, he thought. And with the realization, he suddenly felt numb. He wasn't prepared for that. He was trained in many ways to resist all sort of pains, physical and psychological, and life had taught him to face most of the emotional ones. He thought he knew them all. Until now. Even though he had worked towards this end. Even though he had come to the conclusion he could only protect her fully if she was emotionally distanced from him. He couldn't escape the utter sensation of loss he felt. It was a pain different from the one he had felt when he had feared she was dead. Because even in his darkest hours, he had still hoped she was alive. Now, he understood that even when he had fought against her love, thinking it was misplaced, it still had given him hope. And now it was gone. "She's safe," he thought relieved. "She's safe from me. Section can't touch her," he tried to reassure himself. But at the same time, he started to feel immensely cold. He read the anger, the hatred in her eyes, and sighed. He escaped her gaze, refusing to let her see the pain in his eyes. He had one last thing to do to make sure she would never look at him with hungry eyes like last night. Rapidly and as painlessly as he could he knocked her down. He took her limp body in his arms, brushed his lips against her forehead and carried his lost love to the car.

************************************************************

Nikita woke up in the car as Michael parked in front of Section's van. She immediately remembered what had happened and turned to see Molly lying on the back seat.

"Mi...", she started.

"She's asleep. I gave her a mild sedative. The same one I gave you once you were in the car. She'll be awake in a few hours," he said quietly. He mentally added that if everything worked as planned she would wake up back in her bedroom where he had found her and not inside the cold walls of Section.

Nikita was furious, she moved to retrieve her gun but realized her hands were tied. Michael was not taking any chances with her.

"It's too late, Nikita," he stated in his controlled machine mode. Nikita could see three fully armed operatives get out of the van. Michael began to untie her hands before anybody could see her.

She looked angrily at him and when he was done, struck him in the face with her fist. He didn't move, accepting her anger, ready to take another blow.

"I'll never forgive you for that, Michael," she assured him.

"I know," he said and got out of the car.

************************************************************

Madeline had just finished dealing with McGuire. As expected, he had been very responsive to her offer, the files against Molly. She smiled to Nikita who was pacing restlessly in her office.

"What are you gonna do with her?" Nikita asked as soon as Madeline hung up.

"She'll stay in Medlab under sedative until we receive the files and check on them," she answered.

"I mean AFTER that," Nikita added leaning on her desk.

"The mission is over Nikita, your participation is not needed anymore. You should go home," she said in her business voice.

"I want to know what will happen to her when you don't need HER anymore," she insisted trying to stay calm. She felt the urge to take her gun and fire on anyone trying to stop her freeing Molly, even Michael. I could kill him right now, she seriously thought.

Madeline coldly stared at her.

"She's innocent Madeline. She's asleep, she doesn't know who we are, she'll remember nothing. She's not a threat!" she pleaded, desperately searching for new arguments when suddenly she stopped startled.

Madeline was pointing a gun directly at her head. "Molly is not a threat. But maybe you are," she calmly stated.

Nikita was so surprised she forgot to be afraid.

"You're gonna cancel me because I want to save an innocent girl?" she asked.

"No, I'm going to cancel you because you can't do the job. You perform well but you're still too emotional. I thought Michael had taken care of that," she just said.

Nikita was at a loss of words. There was no need to contradict her. She waited for the bullet to come. So that's the way I'm going to end, she thought. Michael, all your manipulations, your lies, you denying my love, it was all for nothing. We should have taken what we had, she thought. We should have loved each other while we could. I'm so sorry Michael, how are you gonna deal with it. I'm sorry...

Michael was in Madeline's thoughts too when she suddenly dropped the gun.

Nikita stood still, slightly trembling from the release of tension.

"Go home Nikita," she ordered.

But Nikita didn't move. Slowly, she voiced "Molly?"

Madeline sighed, visibly annoyed. "It was decided from the beginning that as long as Mr. McGuire gave us what we needed, Molly would be returned unharmed to him. For how long I don't know. Once his contacts realize he gave us the files, he won't last very long. The girl is probably safer with us."

Nikita sighed and said "Thank you" before heading for the door. Before she reached it, Madeline added "You disappointed me Nikita. Don't do it again." Nikita felt a chill up her spine and left.

When she was gone Madeline took the phone and dialed rapidly. Operations was on the other line. "The test?" he just said. "She failed. I need to see you," she added and hung up.

************************************************************

In the hall outside Madeline's office, Nikita was attempting to calm her breathing. She knew what had just happened. She had just failed another test. "Was Michael part of it? Did he know?" she thought. It annoyed her that at this moment right after facing death, she was more concerned with his involvement in it than anything else. What annoyed her further more were her "last thoughts" before her imminent death a few minutes ago. Michael was all she could think of. How he would survive without her, how much time they had wasted fighting when they should have let their love blossom. Nikita wanted to slap herself for those thoughts. How could she? He had taken Molly, it didn't bother him whether she lived or died. How could she think of him, much less love him. She didn't even know why she loved him! It wasn't just the way he looked, she hadn't just fallen for a pretty face. Nobody could make her angry like him. She hated him so much right now.

She remembered their discussion two months ago when he had said she didn't love the real him and she had disagreed, realizing she knew who he was, ex-terrorist, liar, murderer... And in her heart she had admitted her irrevocable love for him whatever his actions, past and future. But now, in the face of his deeds, his choices, she wondered how she could let herself love such a man. At that moment she wanted to find the exact place in her heart or her brain where all her love for him lurked. Grab a knife, extract that spot and throw it away. Furious, she decided she needed to tell him that. That he was right, she loathed the man he was. He would be pleased anyway, she thought, he'd never have to worry about her "emotions" towards him again. She would finally let go. Yeah, he would be pleased...

************************************************************

Nikita stormed in his office without knocking on the door. She didn't even bother to tell him to put the scrambling device on. He did anyway while she began:

"Congratulations Michael, your little test nearly got me killed!" she yelled.

"What?" he said suddenly worried. "Calm down and tell me what happened?"

"Oh, come on you can do better than that... Molly, the files, the kidnapping, it was only a test to see if I could perform under the circumstances. And you know what, I failed," she proudly stated.

Michael was trying to grab hold of the situation. This was a manipulation he hadn't been informed of. He knew about the second part of the mission of course, but he hadn't told Nikita knowing how she would react. He still thought the files had been in the house. Section must have known all along it wasn't and kept him in the dark. Why?

"And you didn't even tell me Michael. You could have, you could have told me from the beginning that Molly would be safe as long as McGuire talked," she continued. "I could have done the job then!"

With that Michael had the answer to his question. Section didn't want to take the risk of him preparing her for this mission. They hadn't trusted him on that. They were right, of course, he would have told her only to calm her down, so she could face Operations and Madeline. He had tried to calm her down after bringing Molly inside Section, but there was nothing he could do. When he had found out Molly would be safe because McGuire had accepted the deal, he had retreated to his office relieved for Nikita. He hadn't realized Madeline wouldn't tell her so she could see her reaction. He was annoyed to understand he had been manipulated too. If Section didn't trust him, they were both in danger. Another reason to back his decision to push Nikita away.

"You manipulated me again Michael. You say you want to protect me, but if you had told me, Madeline wouldn't have pointed a gun at my head!" she screamed.

Michael paled and suddenly rose from his chair to walk towards her.

"Madeline pointed a gun at your head?" he breathed.

"Yes, thank you Michael," she hissed staring at him. He was really pale and she impishly rejoiced to read the agony on his face. He quickly regained his composure though. He was all business when he stated.

"I didn't know. I guess they didn't trust me on this," he was trying hard not to show his panic. While he was busy writing the report of the mission, she had nearly died, and he was completely oblivious of it. He was used to worrying about her on the field. But he was there to protect her. He wasn't used to fear for her life within those walls. The threat of cancellation was always hanging above her head but lately she had performed exceptionally well... He tried not to shiver. She could have died and now he would still be typing his report instead of taking her anger. It was the reason why he had brought her back to Section. When she was free, he never knew if she was safe. She could have been dead and he would have never known about it. He couldn't take it.

"Why should I trust you?" she countered trying to get his attention, he seemed lost in his thoughts. She knew he was telling the truth. He wouldn't knowingly put her life at risk if he could avoid it. She just sadistically enjoyed making him suffer. She felt too much pain herself.

He looked at her coldly and didn't bother to answer. She had been afraid and was just taking it out on him. And as much as he was pleased to see that his plan had succeeded, she hated him for bringing Molly to Section, he was deeply annoyed. He was more scared than her and it drove him mad that she could risk her life for a fight she could not win. Even if the fight in question was the life of a little girl. One couldn't fight Section.

"So now that you failed the test, have you learnt from it," he asked his cold glance firmly in place.

"I learnt that you didn't give a damn if this kid lived or died!" she yelled in his face. "I learnt that I would never learn to perform on a mission like this! I don't want to and I won't. If they want to cancel me for it, they should do it now! Because I will never execute such an order."

Michael tried to keep quiet and resist the urge to unleash his anger. He hated when she despised her life like that. It was too precious to him. Instead, he tried to show her the bigger picture. Sharing with her something he never had, his hope of her survival in Section.

"If you survive long enough. One day, you may be the one giving such an order. You won't be a class 2 operative all your life, Nikita. You can do better," he explained.

"Oh, so I can end up just like you," she mocked him.

"I never wanted you to. But you have a potential. Even Operations knows that. The more power you have, the more control you achieve. You need to focus on that," he insisted.

"I'm not like you Michael. I don't dream of becoming Madeline or Operations when I grow up!" she sarcastically said.

He had enough. He grabbed her by the shoulders and held her forcefully against the wall. Surprised, Nikita didn't move. "Stop being a child. You know where you are. There's no other way but up! Look around you. Look!"

Nikita complied, studying the view outside his window. Walter working at his desk, Birkoff behind his computer, operatives walking...

"95% of the people you see here won't be around in only 5 years. And not because they died on the field. Just because they're not good enough at what they do. Do you think a class 2 operative is a career you can choose because you don't want to be confronted to the choice your superiors have? Wake up!" he shook her. "You need to climb the ladder. It's easy to find class one or class two operatives to replace the material. You are expendable. But you also have a potential. Do you think the only reason why you can burst into Madeline's office or yell at Operations is because I protect you. I don't have that much credit! The only reason you're alive is because they can sense your potential. The only question mark is what you will do with it. And I am going to make sure you use it. I am going to see that you survive," with that he let go of her and turned his back on her.

Nikita braced herself and massaged her shoulders using the wall for support. She tried to study what he had just said. It angered her that she could see the truth in it. He was right once again. But she didn't want to be up there, in Operations' ivory tower, she didn't want that kind of power even if it meant more freedom of action. The price was too high. She felt like she would have to sell her soul to do it. She felt suddenly very depressed. Especially because she was convinced he would do just what he'd said: he would push her up. Like he had done during his training, when he had made her do things she thought she couldn't do or destroy her soul doing.

"I could kill you, Michael," she calmly stated her eyes on the ceiling, her whole body resting on the wall. "Sometimes I think if you were to die, my life would be better. Nobody could hurt me anymore."

He turned around and looked at her longingly. His eyes shone with the smile that wouldn't touch his lips.

"If I thought it would help, I would die Nikita," he said softly. "But then... Who would watch over you?" In time, he thought, be patient Nikita, in time, I'll get out of your life. It's just too soon...

Nikita looked at him. And he held her gaze. She swallowed what he had said and thought: You would, Michael. You would die for me... Several seconds passed before she added:

"The way you love me scares me Michael," she began and paused before continuing. "Growing up I wanted so much to be loved. But nobody did. Not even my mother," she looked at the floor fighting the tears that threatened to overcome her, she felt so tired. But she calmed down and went on, still looking down.

"When I was living in the streets I tried to convince myself that I didn't need to be loved. But it was a lie," she looked at him again. His face was unreadable but there was a strange light in his eyes. She added:

"You know, the reason why I care so much for people, sometimes I think it's only selfish. It's only because I want people to love me so much. And you... You... I've never felt so loved, but I think your hate would be easier to cope with. Can you hate me, Michael? Can I make you hate me like I hate you right now?" she pleaded.

"I'll never hate you, Nikita. Whatever you do." he simply stated.

"Then maybe I'm better off dead, Michael. Because it hurts too much," she whispered.

"Don't say that," he moved to her, nearly touching her. "You're strong, you'll survive."

"I'm so tired Michael. I have nothing to hope for. I don't want the life you see for me in Section. I know there's no other choice but it's too much to ask. I won't gain anything I want from it anyway..." she muttered.

"You can have more freedom, more control over your life. You would still have someone to answer to, but you could run things your way. Your way Nikita, think about all you could do in this place," he insisted and in spite of himself his hand started to caress her cheek.

Nikita was soothed by his voice and even more by his fingers on her skin. How come you can drive me so mad and the second after make me want you so bad, she thought. She didn't forget all the reasons why she should hate him, it was still there. But it didn't stop her from desiring him. No, she added, from loving him.

"Michael," she sighed placing her hands on his shoulders. "Even if I ended up running this place, there's too many things I'd have to sacrifice on the road. I do things now I would have never imagined myself doing 3 years ago, killing, betraying... It's not because I learnt to do it that it bothers me less. I don't want to learn more. I don't want to lose my soul, Michael. Don't ask me to sacrifice it."

"I won't let that happen," he assured her with both hands holding her face and forcing her to look at him. "I won't let this place destroy who you are."

She suddenly remembered her discussion with Walter when she was trying to find the best love proof she could give to Michael. "Love can be measured up to what you're willing to sacrifice for it," she reminded herself. And nothing was more precious to her than her soul. She let herself drown in his beautiful eyes. He was so strong and could be so ruthless. But she didn't see any coldness in his gaze at this moment, only concern, pain, hope. Hope that she would let him protect her again. Hope that she would let her soul within his care. That's what he was asking for, he, who had never asked anything just for himself from her. He didn't want her love, her tenderness, not even her body. He wanted to see her live within these cold walls and live whole. Not the automaton he thought he had become but a living being with a soul. She closed her eyes afraid of what she was about to do. She couldn't lay her soul in the care of such a ruthless man. A man who claimed he had lost his own soul. It was a bargain with the devil. Even he thought she needed protection from him.

She opened her eyes again. He just waited breathing heavily. And she took her decision.

"I don't want to do it. I have nothing to gain from it. I don't think it can be done without losing myself," she answered his silent plea. He felt his control shatter and opened his mouth to convince her but found nothing to say, he knew it was hopeless. And that's how he felt, hopeless. But she placed her hand on his lips and left it there. He closed his eyes. "Shhh, Michael. I don't want to do it but I'll try... For you." She embraced him, burying her face in his neck. "Just... Just take good care of my soul, Michael. Please, protect it well..."

Michael held her tightly, one hand caressing her fair hair. He nodded, enjoying the moment, knowing he would have to break the embrace too soon. She had just given him her soul, her most precious possession and for the first time in years he felt proud. But he intended to be true to his words, he would protect her body and soul now, and for that he needed to stay away. He was sure he would taint her if he was too close. Section was not the only reason why he maintained a distance. He was such a dangerous man. It was too late for him to change. Even her love couldn't erase his evil deeds, past, present and future. He reminded himself again that she hated the real him and slowly began to release his embrace, while trying to brace himself from the coldness he would feel then.

Buried in Michael's arms, Nikita felt like crying. The only thing she had ever wanted in this place, outside freedom was this man. And after giving up her freedom for him, now she had given him her soul, and he still wouldn't let her have him. She felt empty and more afraid than ever and she clung to him when he tried to release her. To her surprise, he didn't push her away but held her more tightly. She listened to his heart beat and calmed down. She thought about Pandora again. Not the film but the Greek legend. Pandora had opened a box containing all evils and they had invaded earth. But as she was closing the box, despaired at what she had done, she'd realized there was something left in it: Hope. And therefore, despite the sufferings she had unleashed, people would always find a reason to survive. And Nikita, with her soul in Michael's care and his strong arms around her, felt she had reasons to hope too.

THE END

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