He had done it again.

After all that had happened, Adrian, Elena, the loss of Adam and his following despondency, Nikita had hoped Michael would finally open up. When he got his act together again, she was relieved and hopeful they were moving in the right direction. But he had returned to his usual secret self. The blank stare was back maybe more firmly in place than before.

Nikita understood his need to protect himself. *But not from me*, she thought, *I don't intend to hurt you*.

After their discussion over coffee, he had shut down completely again. And Nikita was at a loss. She had tried everything. She had tried to make him talk. Gently first, then insistently. But he simply ignored her attempts. She hadn't lost her temper yet because she recalled how vulnerable he had been not so long ago. She had given him time to lick his wounds alone. But after two months, all apparent traces of vulnerability were gone as if it had never existed. Michael was back in mission mode, more ruthless than ever and even more distant.

Nikita felt lost, tired and terribly lonely. That's why she was wandering idly through Section even though Michael hadn't called her in. His office door was locked and she knew better than to harass him. She felt hopeless and walked aimlessly towards Walter's counter.

"Hey sugar, what's up?," he gently asked.

"Hi Walter," she tried to smile not caring to answer his question. She felt miserable. *But no need to bother him with that*, she thought, *it's not as if he could help, right?*

Walter stopped what he was doing and looked at her more carefully. "No sleep last night, honey. You dreamt of me again," he teased her.

Nikita couldn't force herself to smile this time. She didn't sleep well lately and when she had finally drifted off last night, she had dreamt. Again. Always the same dream, she and Michael on the boat. And it was killing her softly.

Walter held a sympathetic hand to her, a worried look on his face. "Talk to me sugar. What's eating you?."

Nikita tried to steel herself but Walter took her hand and his gentle gesture added to the concerned look on his face broke her defences.

She avoided his gaze and whispered "I'm fine, really."

"Fine?," he asked ironically.

This time Nikita couldn't avert his eyes and couldn't help smiling. "I'm beginning to sound like Michael', ain't I?"

"Yeah, for a minute you really scared me. Come on Nikita, you know you can talk to me," he offered.

Nikita sighed.

"It's nothing really. Well... nothing new. Section, the job, the things they make us do..."

"You know the drill, sugar. What's different now?," he emphasised the last word.

"I guess.. I guess I just feel lonely Walter. That's all," she whispered trying to hold back the tears. Crying wouldn't help, especially in the middle of Section.

Walter squeezed her hand and gave her a tender look.

"You're not lonely, sugar. Hey, you have me!," he said. He tried to make her smile again but acknowledged his failure.

"You're young, you're beautiful, when you're out of here, you should have fun, go out, meet people from the outside. Live Nikita! Don't let Section become the centre of your life," he insisted.

Nikita let go of his hand. "I tried Walter but it's not working. I don't have... friends outside Section. Carla, was the only one and it was just another big lie...," she remembered.

Walter shook his head, "Carla isn't the only friend you could...," he started.

She interrupted him.

"No, nobody from the outside can understand who we are, Walter," she stated.

Her eyes were lost in a place only she could see. Walter felt his concern grow and tried to snap her back to reality.

He placed his arms on her shoulders and faced her, trying to make her focus on him once more.

"Try me, sugar. I know who you are. How come in all these years you never asked me out for a drink?," he seriously asked.

Nikita returned her gaze to him.

"Are you trying to seduce me Walter?," she tried to joke but he could see she didn't get the humour herself. Again her eyes were lost in the distance.

He slightly shook her.

"Hey, wait 'till you see my skills at work! But for now, all I'm offering is a warm cup of coffee, a patient ear and even a shoulder to cry on. You could use a friend Nikita."

She bent her head and smiled apologetically.

"Thank you Walter. But talking about it won't change a thing. I just need to deal with it."

But Walter was not ready to back down. He let go of her shoulders and caught both her hands in his. His voice was a whisper when he added : "Maybe talking about it won't help. But talking about HIM could."

She tried to hide her surprise. "There is nothing to talk about," she assured him.

"Come on honey, it's plain to see you miss him. It's no big secret. Let me help. You need to share this with someone. It may not change a thing but it may also release the tension. You need to talk," he declared.

Nikita hesitated, torn between her desire to let go, to share her pain with a friend, and the Section induced distrust of seeing her innermost secrets revealed. She calmly studied Walter. The look on his face clearly said he wouldn't take no for an answer. All she could see was his genuine concern and tenderness for her. This man was probably the closest thing she ever had to a father. She knew she could trust him.

"Coffee, then?," she asked.

Relieved, Walter smiled.

"Coffee sounds great. I know just the right place. Just give me a minute and we're out of here."

**********************************

"Wow," she said surprised. "That's a cool place!"

"Knew you would like it," Walter said, tossing away his leather jacket.

He helped her remove her long black coat with a huge grin. He had hoped she would feel comfortable in his apartment. After all, in terms of decoration they definitely shared the same wild tastes.

Walter lived on the first floor of a brownstones building. He also owned the basement he had turned into a workshop. He could experiment there without any disturbances from Section and more importantly without cameras spying on him.

He gestured at the couch. "Take a sit, make yourself at home while I blend coffee."

Nikita sat down on the couch, kicking her shoes off and sitting cross-legged. Her eyes glanced around the room. *So that's Walter's den*, she thought.

The place was huge, with big rooms, big windows, and wooden floorboard everywhere. The walls were covered with posters of old movies like "The Wild One" and "Casablanca." And there was a big blue neon sign screaming "Born to be wild!" next to the kitchen. The furniture was scarce and practical except for the huge red couch Nikita was sitting on. There were also cushions of every color displayed strategically in the room, a couple on the couch, a few on an Indian rug in front of a massive fireplace. She also noticed the candles, lots of them, expertly placed in every corner of the room. She bet there were more in his bedroom. The place looked like it was permanently ready to receive a potential lover. It brought a smile to Nikita's face. The man was incorrigible.

"So how do you like it?," Walter asked from the kitchen.

"Oh, your place is great. Really cosy," she mocked him looking at the cushions.

She heard him laugh. "No, I meant your coffee"

"Oh, sugar and milk, please," she absently answered.

He came back with two cups and sat next to her on the couch.

"Thanks, it's good," she said sipping the warm beverage.

"You're welcome. So... Talk to me," he asked.

Nikita choked on her coffee. He was a little too direct. She wasn't sure she had accepted to talk about anything. She quickly scanned the room looking for any listening devices.

"Don't worry it's safe. I design these things remember. They probably already know you're here but nobody from Section can hear us. Trust me," he said patting her hand reassuringly.

Nikita nodded but kept quiet, sipping her coffee. Walter patiently waited then added:

"You know, we have all night. I'm in no hurry. But it would be pointless to chit-chat. So, let's go. It's about Michael, isn't it?"

Nikita's back straightened. She had never discussed her "relationship" with Michael with anyone. She still wasn't sure it was a good idea. She was about to say that when the look on Walter's face stopped her. It said "don't lie to herself and please don't lie to me." She sighed.

"Partly," she conceded.

"OK, which part?," he asked.

She remained silent bowing her head.

"You said you felt lonely. You miss him, don't you?," he tried.

Miss him, she pondered, miss him... "I don't miss him, Walter. It's not like he was ever mine. I don't know him that well you know...," she confessed.

Walter nodded. "But you miss what you think you could have if he let you in, right?"

Nikita nodded, there was no reason to deny it. She felt herself relax. There was no need to lie to Walter, there were things she couldn't tell him for both his security and hers. The escape after the suicide mission, the six months of freedom, and more importantly that night on the boat... But she could hide some facts and still open up to him. She finally decided to let her guard down.

"I wish he would let me in, Walter," she whispered. "Sometimes I think I know him better than anybody else. Because I saw glimpses of himself, he never shares with anyone. And sometimes I look at him like he's a complete stranger, like everything I ever thought of him was one big lie he created for me."

Walter could understand her doubts but he felt compelled to defend Michael.

"Well, if Michael allows you to see things he never shared with anyone, for him it's letting you in big time, if you ask me."

"Not really, it's not like he really shared his ... feelings... willingly with me," she explained in a tired voice. "I always have to push him to talk to me. Or sometimes, I'm just there to witness something he would have preferred to hide. Like his reaction when Simone died....."

"Believe me, the fact that you make him talk at all, is already a small victory in itself!," he pointed out. "And it's true, you probably know him better than anyone else. You're the only one who cares."

"Yes, I care but what's the point," she asked in frustration. "He doesn't want me. When I came back after the Shays mission, I practically offered myself on a plate," she remembered. "And he pushed me away. I know we have to be careful. I know that! But I was willing to risk everything to be with him and he wasn't. It says it all. He doesn't want me," she painfully stated.

"Hum, do you really think that?," he wondered rubbing his chin.

"Why? Don't you?," she asked in a hopeful tone.

Walter smiled in spite of himself. She wasn't through with Michael yet. She was still hopeful and it calmed his fear that she might do something stupid over him.

"Well, I don't know if you would think highly of him now, if he had taken up on your offer while he was "married" to Elena," he noted.

Nikita silently nodded. She knew the mission could explain a lot of things. She could understand his carefulness and even could accept that he didn't tell her at the time. But his attitude now didn't make sense. He kept her at arms length. He was back as her mentor again. Always there to protect her from Section but giving away nothing that was really important. She didn't want a protector, what she really needed was a partner.

"I don't know how long I can keep up with this, Walter," she slowly said sounding defeated. "Last time we had a discussion that didn't involve him ordering me around on the field, he made clear he didn't want me in his life."

"And what did you say?," he asked curious.

She sighed : "I said I would continue to care for him nevertheless."

"So you know where you stand," he stated raising his arms in the air as if it answered all her questions.

Nikita stared at him disbelieving. "Oh yes great, so why do I worry? Thanks a lot for the advice Walter," she snapped.

Walter chose to ignore her last remark. He moved closer to her on the couch holding her gaze.

"What do you really want from him?," he challenged her.

She turned her back away from him to face the wall, unable to hold back the tears shimmering in her eyes. "I want HIM. I miss him. His touch. But not the sex." She smiled and faced Walter again, "Well, maybe not JUST the sex.," she added.

Walter smiled back.

"What I miss most... No, what I WANT most, are his arms around me. I guess, I just want him to hold me, Walter. Sometimes, I think I could settle just for that. Just his arms around me. His touch. Tenderness...," she painfully said.

"How long has it been since somebody touched you Nikita?," Walter tenderly asked.

Nikita was startled by the intimacy of the question. She got up from the couch and crossed the room.

Walter explained : "I'm not asking for details about your sex life. I mean, how long has it been since somebody held you in their arms."

"You mean apart from targets," she winced.

Walter got up and nodded crossing the room to face her.

Nikita lifted her head to the ceiling.

"I don't know, I guess I can't remember that far," she said biting her lower lip.

Walter looked tenderly at her and opened his arms wide "Come here, sugar."

Nikita took a step back. "No Walter, I don't think it's a good idea."

Walter moved closer, a determined look on his face.

"Let me. You know you can trust me." And with that he hugged her. Nikita flinched at first, her body rigid in his arms. But she rapidly surrendered to the tenderness of the caress. She buried her head in his shoulder and let him hold her close while she cried.

Walter gently caressed her hair while soothing her.

"Shhh, shhh, let go Nikita. You can cry, it's all right. I'm here. I'm holding you," he assured her.

And Nikita cried, she hardly realized that he had led her to the couch again and that she sobbed softly, her face buried in his chest.

Walter sighed, holding her, watching her. She had known so little tenderness in her life, he thought. Her mother never loved her, she had never known her father. She had known the coldness of the streets and then Section. No wonder, she craved so much for the nearness of the man she loved. She had wished for tenderness all her life, had desired to be held and cherished. And Walter had to admit that Michael, whatever his feelings for the beautiful blonde, was the very man who would deny her that. He'd die for her, murder for her, sell his soul to the devil, but wouldn't let himself be the one to hold her when she most needed it.

************

Walter sighed again and Nikita lifted her head. He gently kissed one wet cheek still holding her. Her sobs had subsided.

"If only I was a little younger," he seriously stated.

She couldn't help but giggle. Surprised, he smiled back. He might be too vintage for her but hey, he could still make a beautiful and sad woman laugh between her tears. He was darn sure Michael could never achieve that!

"Oh, Walter," she said wiping the tears from her face. He handed her a Kleenex. She thanked him and added "You're such a devil."

She kissed him soundly on the cheek adding "You were right, I needed a good hug."

"Sure you did, sugar. But now I could use a good drink. Wine is OK with you?," he asked getting up.

"Yeah, as long as it's not French!," she added mischievously.

Walter smiled to himself, he could see his old Nikita coming back and he was glad for it.

"The French are overrated if you ask me. How about Spanish Roja? Did I ever tell you about my trip to Barcelona with this great Tech Operative from Madrid. Ah, unforgettable...," he said from the kitchen.

When he came back, they just sat there, sipping their wine, while Walter remembered his wild days in Spain. Nikita couldn't help but smile. She hadn't felt so good in months.

After he finished his story, a comfortable silence settled between them. Nikita snuggled up to Walter on the couch, her head on his shoulder. He protectively put his arm around her.

Nikita snuggled up closer to Walter and he finally broke the silence.

"I don't really know what has been going on with the two of you," he slowly said caressing her hair. "But I've known Michael since he's been in Section and I've never seen an operative able to push his buttons like you do. Mush less any material he trained. He made some believed they could reach him, but that was never true. You're the only one who managed to get under his skin, sugar." Walter waited for her reaction wondering if he should say more.

Nikita sighed against Walter's chest before pulling away from him. She stared at the floor before lifting her chin to meet his eyes.

"Ok I get under his skin. So what?," she said frustrated. "It doesn't make me feel better. Actually it's worse. If I knew he didn't care at all, I could "get over it" like he says, go on with my life. I'm not Viczano, I'm not gonna kill myself over him! But he manages to keep me at arms length and I let him do it. As much as I try I can't let go of him. I hate him so much sometimes, I really do. But.."

"You love him too," Walter added.

"Yes I do," she admitted defeated. "I don't know why, sometimes, but I do."

"Did you ever tell him?," he asked.

"No way!," she screamed. She got up from the couch and started pacing in the room like a trapped animal. "I can picture the scene already, me opening my heart and he giving the blank stare!."

Walter laughed at her outburst.

"It's not funny, Walter!," she said indignantly.

"Don't pay attention, just pictured the scene in my head," he apologized still smiling. "You're right he'd probably do that."

Nikita silently nodded.

"But he would, even if he was dying to say he loves you too, sugar," Walter countered.

Nikita gave him a heartbreaking look. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Whatever his reasons, it doesn't change the fact that I'm alone, that I need him and he's not there for me."

"He's always been there when it really mattered Nikita," Walter corrected her. Michael always found a way to protect her. The only exception he knew about was the suicide mission. At the time, he had been convinced the young man had carried out Section's orders despite his feelings for the beautiful blonde. But since Nikita's return, Walter couldn't shake the thought that Michael had played a part in her miraculous escape.

"He's always there to save my life. But that's not the way I need him, Walter," Nikita reminded him.

Walter nodded and patted the spot on the couch next to him. Nikita seemed to hesitate for a while before accepting his invitation. She sat back and retrieved her drink.

Walter watched her profile carefully wondering when she would finally ask the question he had been waiting for all night. She licked her lips absently studying the glass in her hand.

When she put her glass back on the coffee table, he knew she had made up her mind. She turned to him and asked :

"What do you know about Michael? How was he when he first came to Section?"

Walter caught his breath and braced himself. He refilled his glass before answering. He wasn't sure she would like what he had to say.

"Let's just say he didn't qualify as a member of the 5% club at the end of his training," Walter warned her.

Nikita silently nodded, her eyes urging him to go on.

Walter sipped his wine before pursuing.

"He was 19, I think, when he arrived. Younger than when you were first brought here. But even then, he was very guarded. It was hard to know what he was thinking or feeling. I don't know if that's the way he was before he came to Section or just a reaction to his training with Jurgen," he pondered. "Jurgen was very good at breaking people to mold them back into what Section needed. The decision to choose him to train Michael mustn't have been a coincidence. I'm sure Madeline sensed his secrecy was something that had to be destroyed then nurtured again. Well, you know the drill..."

"Yes I do. But what exactly did they do to him?," she asked eager to know and dreading to at the same time.

"A lot was expected from him," he explained. "Madeline and Jurgen sensed his potential right away. So his training was... harder than yours."

Walter paused looking at her. There was no way to back down now, he had said to much. He sighed and went on.

"He had the usual routine. The kind of training you had, but they added the manipulations, the mind games, the temptations and then the consequences. They wanted to bare his soul, I guess. Jurgen was an expert at that with recruits."

Nikita shivered. Yes, she remembered how easily she had confided in him, he was good at that she thought. She understood better now why Michael had told her to be careful around Jurgen, beyond the fact he was about to set him up.

"Don't take me wrong, I don't say Jurgen was deliberately vicious," Walter quickly added. "He was just doing his job. But in a way, his job was to break down Michael and he did. With you, the mind games only started after your two years of training. With Michael it started right away. They made promises they wouldn't keep. Threatened him..."

"How do you know all that?," Nikita interrupted him, surprised by Walter's knowledge. It was not as if Section usually publicised their way of doing things.

Walter averted his eyes. "I was asked to take part in it," he confessed.

"What do you mean? You taught him to use guns like you did with me," she said suddenly worried.

"Not only," he answered in a hoarse voice. "Madeline asked me to get close to him."

Nikita was shocked and moved away from him, retreating farther on the couch. Walter was hurt by her reaction but didn't blame her. He didn't comment and just carried on with his story.

"Madeline thought since Michael had lost his father, he would need a father figure he could confide in. He didn't trust Jurgen and there were not so many operatives in age to act as his father, so they picked me..."

"And you betrayed him!," she accused. She knew he was not telling the whole truth, they also had chosen him because people talked easily to him. Nikita felt betrayed herself, she had always trusted Walter!

"Oh no sugar I didn't!," he assured her. "But not because I protected him. The truth is he was too careful to trust anyone. He hardly ever spoke to me! And I failed so miserably that thank Heavens, I was never asked to play Judas again."

He studied her face, wishing she would understand. He hoped he hadn't lost her trust.

Nikita swallowed. She hated to think of Walter as a man who could do such a thing. But who was she to blame him. She had betrayed Walter once to Petrosian. She looked at him and apologized.

"Sorry, Walter. I overreacted. Go on."

Walter smiled at her. She was still his sugar.

"Well, anyway that's how I came to know so much about the kid. I was given his profile and I got to watch the tapes of some of his training sessions. They only gave me the hardest ones," he hissed. "Because I was expected to be the one to offer him some comfort after that!"

"What kind of training sessions, Walter," she insisted.

"Mind games with Madeline, interrogations with Jurgen, torture in the White Room," he blurted, angry at the memories.

"Torture?," she whispered.

"Yeah on him," he mumbled.

"They tortured him! Why?," she cried out.

"To break him, teach him how to resist it, the hell if I know," he said angrily. "They didn't explain their reasons to me. They can do anything in this place! And I told you, they had high expectations for him."

Nikita couldn't believe her ears. Her own training sounded like a vacation compared to his. She made a mental note to thank him for that one day. "How did he react?," she asked.

"At first, he seemed in a constant state of barely controlled rage. But he quickly adapted," he remembered. "He learnt to control his anger and most of his feelings. The only time he actually said something personal to me was when he pointed that anger was what had taken him into this place and that he would not make the same mistake again. I don't really know what he meant by that."

But Nikita knew. She tried to recall what he had said to her in her apartment about his involvement with "L'heure sanguine" : "I was angry at everything, the world around me...." Yes, anger had brought him to Section all right. Her train of thought was interrupted by Walter's voice.

"Anyway, I don't know if Madeline and Jurgen finally got to see everything he had in him. But according to me, they came close and he became even more careful after his training was over."

"His shields were up," she stated.

"Oh yeah! He hardly ever talked to anyone outside of missions and briefings. He seemed completely dedicated to his work. Always focused. Never one mistake or hesitation. He was the youngest level 5 operative ever appointed," he concluded.

"I know that, what are you not telling me," she insisted sensing Walter was not done.

Walter inhaled deeply.

"After he was granted full status, at the end of his training, he was so ruthless everybody started to fear him. When he gave that cold stare, oh my! I think even Operations shivered. He was not aggressive or anything, it was just the opposite. Nothing seemed to touch him. He accepted everything Section threw at him. Everything Nikita," he emphasized.

She lifted her head an inquisitive look on her face.

"He never backed down from anything," he sighed. "And I don't mean the danger, he never seemed to be afraid, I mean the rest. The cancellations he was ordered to perform, the Valentine operations they sent him to. Oh, and don't go thinking, it was a piece of cake. I think it must have been the hardest. I'm not talking of targets like Lisa fanning. No, they treated him like a whore, Nikita."

She swallowed, and grabbed her glass. She finished her wine and had a refill before she gestured him to continue.

Walter obliged her, his words adding a new light to Michael's persona and breaking her heart.

"For a whole year, they didn't use his tactical skills at all. They sent him to one Valentine operation after the other," he explained. "He seduced men, women, innocents, bastards alike. Some had... let's say "exotic" tastes. Section was testing him, trying to see how far he would go, and he never once said no. And what really scared everyone is how unaffected he seemed despite all the degrading things they asked of him. Despite the constant tests. I don't know how he survived it."

Nikita shivered. She didn't know either. She didn't know where he had found the strength to bear it. Or had he been weak for not resisting it? She shook her head, she had a hard time using the words "weak" and "Michael" in the same sentence. As Walter had pointed out, fear had never stopped him. She wished she knew how and more importantly why he had complied.

Hating to do it but sensing Nikita wouldn't want anything else than the whole truth, Walter went in for the kill.

************

"He did some pretty bad things, Nikita," he added, coming closer to her. "If you think you've seen it all, you're wrong. He kills without a second thought, we all do. And he never killed anyone he wasn't ordered too. But he showed no pity. No mercy. At all."

Walter paused and took one of Nikita's hands in his. He wasn't even sure she had registered it.

"The collaterals were just that, collaterals. It didn't matter if they were innocents or not. Or how... old they were..."

Nikita gripped his hand painfully. She wished he would stop. She didn't think she wanted to know more. She straightened on the couch.

"He's not like that anymore. Not as much," she tried to convince herself as much as Walter.

"I'm sorry sugar," he said patting her hand, "but you asked for the truth. I'm not trying to undermine him, I'm just stating what I saw back then."

"Go on Walter, I can take it," she lied. She wanted to run, she wanted to erase this whole conversation from her memory but felt compelled to hear more.

"It got to the point where everybody was scared to work with him," he resumed. "He didn't lose more team members than any other Level 5 operative though. And anyway, we all live on death row in Section. But working with him made everybody feel that the execution was pending. It was no secret he would sacrifice anybody's life to get the job done, his included. And nobody liked the idea. His recklessness started to raise Madeline's concerns. Operations didn't see what the problem was since he had the highest success rate in Section but Madeline knew better. I guess she realized they didn't have enough leverage on him."

"Leverage?," Nikita asked raising an eyebrow.

"Operations hates nothing more than to have nothing to threaten you with!," Walter emphasized. "I don't know what crossed Madeline's mind, but I think she was wondering whether any threat against his sister would work at that point."

Walter paused to see if Nikita reacted at the mention of Michael's sister. When she didn't, he understood that she knew her share of Michael's secrets. *Good*, he thought, and pursued.

"Michael and his sister had been alienated for so long, I think Madeline wanted to bring the threat closer to home."

"Simone!," Nikita suddenly realized.

"Yeah, Simone...," he trailed off with a grim look on his face.

"I don't know the whole story," Walter admitted. "It's not like any of them confided in me. But Madeline started to pair Simone and Michael during missions. And they were good. Deadly good..."

"How was she?" Nikita asked.

"A lot like him. Very strong. Very quiet. Very guarded. I sometimes wondered if they ever talked at all. They certainly never did in Section," he explained. "She was a beautiful woman with long silky hair. She had performed a lot of Valentine operations before being paired with Michael. But he wasn't the kind to hit on operatives. He seduced for Section but I had never heard of him being involved with anyone in or out Section before Simone."

Walter swallowed hard before adding: "Well, except for Madeline, of course."

"Why am I not surprised," Nikita hissed.

"It was part of his training as a Valentine operative, sugar," he corrected. "But I still think it went farther than that. From what I heard between Operations and Madeline, she was doing quite a job at it and he wasn't too pleased," he grinned.

"You think they fell in love!," Nikita nearly screamed.

"No way! She was trying to break him remember. Get under his skin. I dunno how good she was at it but hell did she tried!," he remembered.

"And Michael how did he... react to her attentions," she asked worried. She wasn't surprised but hated the thought of Michael and Madeline together. She couldn't exactly explained why but the very idea disturbed her.

"Even as a recruit, he never trusted anyone, much less Madeline. Let's say he was quick to adapt to her 'methods' of training. I saw them leave Section together a couple of times. He seemed obedient and...," Walter searched for the right word, "polite... As always, it was impossible to tell how he really felt. On the other hand, Madeline was literally glowing and you should have seen Operations' face! That was quite a sight!"

Somehow Nikita felt relieved at his statement.

"And Simone, did she love him?," she asked even though she already knew the answer to this question.

"They were not exactly kissing in the middle of Section. But it went pretty fast. A month after being paired with Michael, Simone officially joined his team. She was level 4 and he had just been granted level 5. They were married another six months after that. I still don't know how they pulled it. Cold Ops usually don't get involve with each other, much less marry. It's strictly against house policy. But somehow they managed. I wondered what they had to sell to get it though," he wondered.

"Anyway, their marriage didn't seem to affect their efficiency on the field. They made sure to prove the opposite, actually. They were still sent to perform Valentine operations. And they complied. And no sugar," he added when he saw Nikita open her mouth, "I don't know how it affected any of them. They were never the demonstrative kind."

"But after meeting Simone, Michael seemed to mellow a bit," he remembered. "He would talk to me sometimes. You know, just chat. I guess she made him open up a little. He still performed exceptionally well during missions but he didn't act like he wanted to win the prize of the coldest operative in Section."

"What happened when they asked him to marry Elena?" Nikita said licking her lips.

"Nothing, he just complied! You gotta understand that Michael has changed since you've known him, sugar. At the time, I had never seen him intercede for anyone. He married Elena, and Simone and him kept behaving like nothing happened."

"Maybe he accepted it so they wouldn't threaten Simone," she offered.

"Who knows?," he granted her.

"Was Simone ever pregnant?," Nikita suddenly asked.

"What?! Why do you think that? No, she never was. She was a cold op, it was impossible," Walter replied shocked.

Nikita silently nodded thinking about the directory file during the War against Red Cell. How could Michael's file be false? Did he have another child outside of Adam? Or perhaps, Section updated the files in advance, she thought. It was sick but why not? Maybe Michael's file already contained the loss and the anger he would eventually feel after the loss of Adam... She saw Walter staring at her and decided to forget about it for now.

"Never mind Walter, carry on. What happened after Michael thought Simone had died?," she said.

"He completely shut down. Noone could reach him. If before he only looked cold, now he looked dead. That was heartbreaking to see, Nikita," he recalled. "That's when I changed my opinion about him. I used to think he was just a cold-hearted bastard. After that, I understood he had loved her all along. He just didn't let anybody see it, that's all. I wondered what kept him going. You could tell he was blaming himself for her death."

Nikita closed her eyed, she remembered the utter look of loss after her death. And his uncontrolled anger before that. She couldn't help but feel envious at the exquisite tenderness with which he had looked at her. She wished he could love her like that one day.

Walter shook her out of her reverie.

"You're okay, sugar?," he asked.

"Yes, sorry Walter," she forced a smile on her face.

Walter smiled sympathetically and went on.

"Then again, Madeline decided something should be done."

"Adam?," she asked.

"No, you sugar," he smiled.

"Me?" Nikita was so surprised, she nearly knocked her glass off the table.

Walter took her hand in his and forced her to look at him. He leaned closer to her.

"Adam came shortly after you joined Section, sugar, but his birth was supposed to bring Vacek out of the woods not shake Michael out of his depression," he explained.

"You think they 'gave' me to Michael!," she lashed out at him.

"My guess is as good as any. But it had been years since Michael had trained anyone. And when a level 5 Op is given material, it's because either the material or the Op has something special," he insisted. "I don't say they didn't see your potential but there's a lot of people who could have trained you well. I just don't believe in coincidence when it comes down to Section. Michael needed something else to focus on. His life was nothing but a huge mission after Simone's death. When he wasn't in Section, he would go back to Elena to play house. He didn't even have a real home anymore. When Simone was gone, he didn't go back to their place. So he had nowhere to go he could call his."

Nikita swallowed hard. She couldn't even start to imagine what his life had been like.

"His performances on the field were still impeccable," Walter went on. "His skills were not at stake. But Section was concerned he would lose it eventually. And with the Vacek mission at hand he was not expendable."

"So I was a distraction," she said outraged.

"I'm sure that's why Madeline chose you. A rebellious and beautiful woman, with spirit and temper. I guess she thought you would keep him busy and prevent him from losing interest. And you sure did," he noted.

Nikita shook her head. She couldn't stand it. She hated to see her relationship with Michael reduced to that. A gigantic plot, another Section's manipulation. Was there anything genuine at all in her life?

"Did he know?," she whispered on the verge of tears.

"If I thought about it back then, I'm sure he must have." Walter took his hand out of her fist. She hadn't realized she had gripped it painfully.

"So you think he just gave them what they were expecting," she breathed. She bowed her head feeling completely numb.

"No, I didn't say that. I said Michael probably saw through it. As always. But I don't think he faked his reaction to you," he reassured her.

"What reaction?," she nervously asked.

"You brought him back, honey. He started to behave like a human being after that. He even started to smile, for Christ's sake! He looked more alive than ever before," he insisted.

It was time Nikita realized how much she affected Michael, Walter thought. He didn't know what game the two of them were playing but it was clearly taking its toll on her! He wished he could have this kind of open hearted conversation with Michael. There was a thing or two he would be glad to say to him! But since he would probably end up with a few broken bones he had long decided he would not take the chance.

"Maybe Adam caused that or even Elena," Nikita carefully stated. Even though she wanted to believe Walter, she couldn't help the bite of jealousy she felt for Michael's wife. Mission or not, she envied her for sharing years of marital bliss with a tender if fake version of Michael. She would never have this chance.

"His involvement with Elena has always been part of a mission. And frankly I don't know if the birth of Adam made it better or worse for Michael," he countered. "But that was for sure a relationship he knew he would lose from the start. Remember his birth was supposed to bring out the kid's grandfather. We had high hopes it would work and that the mission would end soon. Michael must have been careful and bottle up any feelings for the kid."

Nikita pondered over Walter's last statement. If that was true, then Michael had failed miserably. He had fallen helplessly in love with his son. And losing him had nearly killed him.

"I know he has a heart Walter. I know he can love. I just wish he would show it to me more often," she sighed. "I never know how he feels."

"Maybe you've got to stop wondering about what he wants, needs or feels and start focusing on what YOU want, Nikita. Because if you don't take care of yourself, nobody will do it for you," he advised her.

Walter still recalled her obsessive need to guard Michael after the Vacek mission. The kid needed to get a grip, he wasn't sure Michael was worth all the trouble.

"I know that. And I don't need anyone to take care of me! I just want, I want...," she trailed off at a loss of words.

"Come on say it!," he urged her.

"I don't want to feel so empty without him anymore!," she said raging. "It's like I let my whole life depends on his moods. Whether he will acknowledge my presence or ignore me. Whether he will touch me or not. And I hate that! I don't want to need him that much! I can't let him be the centre of my life. There's nothing keeping us apart now and he knows it. And I don't care if he wants me and he's just afraid of it or if he doesn't give a damn. It all comes down to the same thing anyway. We're both alone. And there's nothing I can do about it!"

"Then stop trying," Walter replied.

"It's not as simple as that," she hissed.

"I didn't say stop loving him. I said stop trying to fix it," he sighed. "Frankly, I don't know how he could ever resist you but whatever his reasons, they're powerful. So maybe it's best to start living again and stop waiting for him."

"I tried, with Gray, with Jurgen, it didn't work," she answered, pouting.

"Well next time you need a guy to make him jealous try me, I'll be glad to help! Who do you think you're fooling Nikita? Only yourself! You didn't fall in love with any of them you only tried to hurt him. That's just childish," he erupted.

"I thought you were supposed to cheer me up! So far you're doing a great job, Walter!," she angrily stated. *What was the point of this conversation anyway*, she thought. She got up to leave.

"Friendship is about honesty Nikita. You need to face the truth!," he said grabbing her shoulder to stop her from running away.

Nikita calmed down. She inhaled deeply. "Sorry about that Walter," she whispered.

"It's Ok, sit down," he demanded.

"All right Walter, tell me what to do. I'm through with it. I wish I could move on but I don't know how. So I'm willing to take any advice you can give me," she begged.

Walter studied her question. Nikita was eagerly waiting for some words of wisdom and he didn't want to disappoint her. After a while he finally answered her.

"I don't have the answers, Nikita only the right questions, only you can decide what's best for you."

Nikita's face reddened and Walter wondered if she would start to cry or simply knock him out!

Instead, she suddenly burst out laughing.

"Oh, Walter you're so full of crap sometimes!," she mocked him.

He held her arm gently. "I'm sorry if I led you to believe I would help you solve anything tonight, sugar."

She gave him a quick hug.

"That's all right darling, I didn't come here looking for any kind of closure. I came to see a friend and that's just what I got," she smiled.

"Sure, you wouldn't care for more than friendship," he grinned with a mischievous light in his eyes.

"Walter!," she chastised him half-jokingly. She placed her fists on her waist pretending to be offended.

"Sorry but I have a reputation to sustain and I had to ask," he smiled. "I can't wait to see Birkoff's face when I tell him you spent half the night here."

Nikita laughed again. Walter beamed up, it was good to see her like that again.

"So, what are you gonna do?," he finally asked after a few minutes.

"I think, I'm gonna go home because I'm exhausted Walter," she said getting up.

She retrieved her things and was ready to leave. But Walter had to make sure she was truly all right.

"Are you sure you're gonna be fine, sugar," he stopped her gently placing his hands on her shoulders.

She faced him and seriously said "No, I'm not sure Walter. But there are a couple of things I understood tonight thanks to you."

"Care to tell me?," he asked.

"What I feel for him is not gonna go away," she sighed. "Despite, all he has done, I love him. And I'm not lying to myself about who he is and how ruthless he can be. I know. Oh, I truly hate him sometimes... But everytime I see the pain in his eyes... He's been through so much, Walter, and he never asks for anything. I can FEEL his pain. I know he aches and it's breaking my heart. So, I want to be there for him. Not just because I love him but because I owe him. He could have chosen to break me so many times if he was the soulless bastard Section wants him to be, but he didn't on the contrary. I'm going to be his friend if he doesn't want more. I think he could use one."

"Will it be enough for you?," he countered.

"No, but it's better than nothing," she stated. "I can't imagine Michael not being part of my life. I don't know if he needs my love or not but I want him to feel it. Even if he thinks he doesn't deserve it or that it's dangerous to love him. I guess, it sounds like I'm asking to be hurt, but at least when I need a shoulder to cry on, I know where to go now."

"My door will always be opened," he assured her.

She smiled, kissed him goodnight and she was gone.

After she left. Walter stood in the middle of the living room for a while sorting his thoughts out. He was still worried for her but she was strong, she'd be all right. As for Michael, he agreed with him he didn't deserve her.

"But I still hope you realise what a lucky son of a bitch you are," he voiced out loud.

It sounded ironic even to him to think of Michael as lucky. But with the thought of the stunning blonde, who had just gave him a chaste peck on the cheek, in mind, Walter decided that indeed, some guys had all the luck.

THE END

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