June 21, 1999
Note: This begins the seventh installment of my Library series. Since I began this series before the Season 3 Arc, I have decided to ignore the arc. In my series, Michael’s son with Simone, Rene, was taken from him and Michael was told that the child died. Rene was instead given to a friend, Grace, to raise without Michael’s knowledge. He later finds Rene and reestablishes his relationship with his son. If you would like to read the previous installments in my series, you will find them archived at Ranma’s Archive and at Debris’ Arx site. And now, on with the story....

************

Prologue

Michael was exhausted. He had been called away from Rene on a mission and had not slept in over 30 hours. There had been so much turbulence on the return flight that he had been unable to get any rest at all. The last three weeks at Grace’s house had been wonderful except for the 3 times he had been summoned back to Section for flash missions. This last one had been particularly grueling and in addition, Rene had been so disappointed that the mission would mean that for another year, they would miss spending Father’s Day together. Michael and Rene had not spent a Father’s Day together since Rene was three, and too young to remember. Michael had described the day to Rene, but Rene had been too young to appreciate the day. This year, both Michael and Rene had looked forward to Father’s Day and now it was ruined.

Rene had put on a strong face for his eight years and had told Michael that he was fine and that there was always next year. Michael knew that Rene hated the fact that he was leaving and not returning until at least the Monday after Father’s Day. Thankfully, the mission was a short one and even Madeline had apologized for taking Michael away from Rene on what she knew was going to be a special day for father and son.

“I’m sorry, Michael, but this can’t be put off. We need you now.” Her phone call had been short and to the point. “Nikita can stay there with Rene. She won’t be needed on this mission.” Michael ended the call and turned to face Rene. The tears were already gathering in his son’s eyes, and Michael held out his arms for Rene who rushed to him and buried his face against Michael’s chest.

“Daddy, do you have to go?” he asked, already knowing the answer to his question. He and Michael had long ago come to an understanding about Michael’s work. Rene knew that when Section called, his father could not say no. They owned his father, body and soul and Section did not hesitate to use both whenever they were needed for missions. “Does Nikita have to go too? Who’s going to be here with me? Mom and Alex aren’t due back for another three days.” Rene pulled away from Michael’s embrace and looked up at his father.

“Nikita does not have to go in. She will stay here with you. You’ll like that, won’t you?” Michael put the fingers of his right hand under Rene’s chin and lifted his son’s tear-stained face up to gaze into the eyes that were so much like his own. “Rene, I would not go if I didn’t have to. You know that, don’t you?”

Rene nodded and smiled up at Michael. “I know, Daddy, but I still don’t have to like it. You’ll be back soon?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, I should be back on Monday. I’m sorry about Father’s Day. Can we celebrate on Monday?” Michael felt relieved to see the smile on his son’s face broaden.

Nikita was upset when they told her that Michael had been called in yet again, but she made the best of the situation and took Rene into her arms and assured him that they would find something fun to do until Michael could return. She smiled at Michael and lifted a hand to trace the sad smile on his face. “Come back safe. All right?”

Michael took one last look at Rene and Nikita, and walked out the door to drive back to Section.

And now he was back at Grace’s house. It was just before dawn on Monday morning and the house was quiet. Sam, the golden retriever that Michael had given Rene for Christmas, came padding silently down the hall from Rene’s room. The dog stopped when he saw Michael and satisfied that Michael belonged, Sam nudged Michael’s hand. Michael dropped to his knees and gave the dog several friendly pats and was rewarded by joyous licks as he hugged the dog wearily. Michael then stood and trudged down the hallway to the bedroom directly across the hall from Rene’s.

He glanced in through the open door and saw Rene’s still form tangled in the sheets on his bed. Michael stood there for a few minutes, drinking in the sight of his sleeping son and marveled again at the fact that he had regained a son that he at one point had thought dead. He would never knowingly give him up again. No one or nothing would ever separate them again. He had long ago accepted that Rene could not live with him. Michael’s job made that impossible, but he spent as much time as the job and Section allowed him with Rene. Grace had been a godsend when she had reluctantly accepted Madeline’s offer to take and raise Rene as her own son. He could think of no one that he could entrust his son to other than Grace. Now, she had married Alex Carson and was expecting a child of her own. But Michael knew that she loved Rene as much as if he was born of her body and that she would keep him safe and secure.

Michael sighed and turned from his reverie over Rene and quietly walked into his room. He took off his jacket, shirt and shoes and went into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. These tasks completed, he opened the door across from the one leading to his bedroom, and looked into the next room. Nikita lay sleeping sprawled across the bed, her blond hair spread out around her head, like a halo. Michael resisted the strong urge he felt to climb into the bed next to her because he didn’t want to wake her, and if the truth were told, he was so tired, he could hardly hold his eyes open. He turned silently and when back to his own room. He started to turn back the covers of his bed and noticed a folded paper laying on the pillow. Picking it up and unfolding it, he turned on the bedside light and lay down on his back in the bed to read it.

“Dear Daddy,” the letter began.....

Happy Father’s Day!! I’m sorry we could not be together today, but I wanted to tell you how proud I am to be your son. I know you can’t be with me as much as other fathers can be with their sons, but I know you try to be with me as much as you can, and I love you for that. In fact, Daddy, I love you so much that I just don’t think I can put that much love into words.

Nikita helped me with this letter, so if you feel some extra love in this letter, you’ll know why. I talked and she wrote it down for me. Daddy, does she cry a lot around you? She cried buckets of tears as she was writing this down. “Oh, Rene!” she kept saying, “this is so beautiful!” Then she would drop her pen and hug me. She gives great hugs, Daddy, but then, I guess you know that, don’t you?

Remember, I have seen you two at our sleepovers and I have also seen how Alex and Mom are with each other. You have all shown me what love is, and I know that when I grow up and find someone to love that I will know how to do it right because I have seen how you and Nikita and Alex and Mom love each other.

No kid could have better parents and role models than I do. Also, you and Alex have taught me how to be a good man, even though it will be a while before I grow up. I want to be just like you when I grow up. Daddy, you are the best man I know. I am so very lucky to have a father like you and an assistant father like Alex.

Daddy, don’t you think it is great that now Alex is going to be a real Daddy too? That was such a surprise, that Mom could have a baby! I thought for a while that she might love the new baby more than me, but Nikita explained about Moms and how they can never stop loving their children, natural or adopted, you know, like me. Nikita got really sad when she talked about Moms. I think that maybe she misses her Mom. I miss my real Mother sometimes. I don’t remember much about her, just what you and Mom have told me. I wish I could have known her better. Uh oh, Nikita is hugging me again. She is so nice, Daddy, I am glad that you two love each other. It’s nice for me too. It’s kind of like...having three Moms. I’m pretty special, aren’t I....three Moms and two Dads. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll always be my first and most important Daddy. Alex is great, too, but he just isn’t you.

Well, Nikita is yawning and so am I, so I guess it’s time to end this letter and go to bed. I hope you’ll be home when I get up tomorrow morning. Daddy, I love you so much, but then, you know that, don’t you, Daddy....”

Love you always,

Rene

Michael smiled and blinked back the tears glistening in his green eyes. “Yes, Rene, I know that.” He read the letter twice more before he hugged it to his chest and let his eyes drop closed and he slept a healing sleep, happy that he had a son like Rene.

The light was filtering through the sheer curtains fluttering at the half open windows. Michael blinked as the light assaulted his senses and he opened them quickly when he felt the warm little body cuddled up next to him. Rene had snuggled close and slept soundly next to Michael. And next to Rene, laying on her side, staring at him with those huge blue eyes that he loved so much, was Nikita.

She brought her fingertips to her mouth and pressed a kiss on them. Then she extended her hand and brushed Michael’s finely shaped lips with those same fingertips. She smiled...“Welcome home, Daddy, and Happy Father’s Day.”

*************

Michael lay there gazing into Nikita’s eyes and wishing that things could stay this way forever, that he could always have his son and the woman he loved this close to him. But Michael was a realist and he knew how the real world worked. He would just have to grab as much of this time as he could. He reached over and pushed a few errant strands of hair back behind Nikita’s ear and she turned her cheek so that more of her skin touched Michael’s hand. She reveled in the tactile sensation of her cheek touching his hand. She smiled and kissed his palm.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Michael smiled. “ I know. And I love you, too. How did you get into my bed?”

“It was just about dawn when I heard something that woke me up. I got up and walked into your room just in time to see a small, sleepy figure scurrying across the room toward you. You know that I always watch your back, so I watched him crawl into your bed and snuggle up to you. Not to be outdone, I decided to join you two. The two of you looked so....at home with each other. I wanted to be a part of that home. Sorry, I couldn’t resist the urge.”

“I am glad you joined us. You are a part of my home, here with Rene and wherever I am. You are my home, my love, my life.”

“Oh, Michael, you always know how to make me feel loved....promise to never change, okay?” She shifted her weight on the bed, so that she could kiss him and was startled when Rene gave a yelp and started wiggling. Nikita had forgotten about the small body separating her and Michael.

“Hey, are you trying to squish me or what!” Nikita pulled back quickly and both she and Michael laughed as Rene sat up and looked first at Nikita and then at Michael. “Well? What did I miss? This is different from how it usually works! Usually, when I go to sleep with you two, I wake up someplace else. This time it’s just the opposite. Here I am between the two of you!” He grinned widely. “I like this way much better!” He threw his arms around Michael’s neck. “Welcome home, Daddy! I am so glad you’re home! Did you get my letter?”

“Yes, Rene, your letter was wonderful. You are the best son a father could ever have. Do you know how much I love you?”

With his arms still entwined around Michael’s neck and his face inches from his father’s face, Rene shyly looked toward Nikita and then peered up at Michael through his long lashes. “How much, Daddy?”

Michael grinned and extended his arms out to his sides to their full length, “This much!” he said, and then swiftly brought his arms down and wrapped them tightly around a laughing Rene. Their embrace lasted until Nikita, feeling rather left out of things asked quietly, “What about me?”

Father and son turned as one and pierced her with their green eyes. As if they had communicated their intentions to each other silently, both Rene and Michael pounced on Nikita with hugs and kisses. “And we love you this much too!”

Taken by surprise, Nikita jumped back. And in a jumble of arms, legs and tangled bedclothes, all three of them tumbled off the bed, laughing as they landed on the floor with a thud. They continued to wrestle with each other. Finally, Rene and Nikita had a breathless and laughing Michael pinned to the floor, raining kisses on his upturned face. So intent upon their task were they that they didn’t hear the doorknob turning or the door opening. They were all lost in their morning play until a voice from the bedroom door demanded, “And WHAT, may I ask, is going on here!!”

************

The three of them stopped their morning play and looked up at me guiltily. “Uhhh, Grace, good morning. How are you feeling? How is Alex, and the ....baby?” Michael, always one to land on his feet, at least most of the time, asked this series of questions while sitting there on the floor between Rene and Nikita in a tangle of sheets. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into laughter myself. My three loves, I thought, they never get to play together like this. I was almost sorry to have interrupted, but I needed their help.

“Well,” I answered, “ I’m fine. Alex is waiting outside to be unloaded from the new Land Rover, and the baby is making itself nauseously well-known about now, so if you will excuse me.....” I made a mad dash for Michael’s bathroom and the porcelain throne. I bent over and worshipped. I heard someone come in behind me and open the linen closet, and then turn on the water. Presently, I felt Nikita’s gentle hand on my back as she wet a washcloth in the sink.

“Oh, Grace, I’m so sorry. It the morning sickness bad?” She turned off the water, wrung out the washcloth, and wiped my face when I stood up and flushed the contents of my stomach away with a swirl of water.

“Thank you, Nikita. It’s not too bad, just a bit disconcerting and embarrassing. It has definitely been a conversation ender in the last few weeks, but the doctor at Section said that it shouldn’t last much longer. I’m sorry I interrupted your morning fun. At least I didn’t ruin your shoes.” I smiled feebly at the joke I tried to make. Nikita took pity on me and forced a laugh.

“Grace, I’m not wearing any shoes.” She hugged me and smiled. “Now, I think that we had better get you in bed and retrieve Alex from outside. Come on, Grace.” She pulled on my arm and I let her lead me back into Michael’s bedroom. Rene sat quietly in Michael’s lap on the bed.

“Mom, are you okay?” he asked with wide eyes as he jumped down from his father’s lap and hurried over to me to throw his arms around me. “Daddy explained to me about morning sickness, but are you sure you are okay?” It felt so good to be back in the arms of my family. I knew what I must look like after my bout with the bowl, but I managed to hug Rene and reassure him that I was all right.

“I’m just fine, Rene. I am not ill, just pregnant. Now,” I said, “why don’t you go help your father and Nikita bring Alex inside? I’ll go and fix his bed in our bedroom.”

As they hurried to do my bidding, I headed toward my bedroom to turn down the bed for Alex. He was not going to like being put to bed, but he would just have to get used to it. He was not yet sufficiently recovered from the injuries he received in the traffic accident three and a half weeks ago to be very mobile as yet. The accident, I thought. It had brought pain to my family, but it had also brought great happiness and a chance for Michael, Rene and Nikita to be together, if only for a short time. I thought back...

Madeline had allowed Michael and Nikita to bring Rene home during Alex’s recuperation at Section. Originally, the doctors had said we could come home ten days after the accident, but Alex and I had conspired to draw out his recuperation to a full three weeks. We had agreed that we would carve out as much time as we could for Michael and Nikita to spend with Rene. Alex would complain about pain from his broken arm and leg or from his head injury and I would positively swoon from my pregnancy and morning sickness. It had been during an examination just after the accident that Alex, Rene and I had been in that my pregnancy of two months had been discovered. I think that Madeline and the doctors had finally caught on to the deception planned and carried out by me and Alex by the end of the second week, but they allowed us an extra week before Madeline had ultimately called me into her office and told me that it was time to take Alex home.

“Grace,” she said apologetically, “I know what you are trying to do, but I am sorry, we need Michael and Nikita back here full-time. We have made do with using them on short flash missions, but I cannot justify that anymore. Their time with Rene has to come to an end. It’s time that you and Alex take up your duties back at the Rehab Center. You are needed there, and Michael and Nikita are needed back here.” She looked up at me from behind her desk and smiled a sad smile. “I wish Michael and Rene had more time together, but it has to end here and now.”

I nodded and turned to leave. “We’ll leave tomorrow.” I turned back to her. “Thank you for planning my wedding, and for giving them three weeks.” She raised her head, accepting my thanks, and then turned back to her computer, acutely dismissing me from her presence. As I emerged from her office, I ran into Walter.

“Gracie, how ya’ doin’?” He greeted me with a kiss on my cheek. When he pulled away, he frowned at the pinched expression on my face. “What did she say to you? I’ll......” I caught and held his arm, stopping his forward motion.

“No, Walter! She just gave me and Alex our marching orders. We are going home tomorrow. Michael and Nikita are needed back here.” He embraced me and patted me on the back, trying to soothe the tears that had sprung to my eyes.

“Awww, Gracie, don’t cry. You stole as much time as you could for them. You know that they had to come back eventually. Michael always has to come back here. I’m sorry, Gracie.”

“I’m sorry, Grace,” Nikita was saying. I blinked and shook my head, tossing the scene from Section back into my memory. Nikita was talking to me. “You seemed a thousand miles away. Are you sure you are all right?” she said as she peered anxiously into my eyes. Alex was sitting in a wheelchair being pushed by Michael, and they were both staring at me with concerned eyes.

“Don’t look at me that way, I’m FINE! I was just daydreaming. It’s good to be back home.” I put on what I hoped was a radiant smile and settled to the task of getting Alex put to bed comfortably. Michael and Nikita helped me, all the while watching me for any sign that I was not all right.

All I could think of was that for Michael, Nikita and Rene....that their time together was almost at an end.

************

We waited for the phone to ring, for the call that would command Michael and Nikita back to Section. Michael, Rene and Nikita were awaiting the call in Rene’s treehouse, spending their last few minutes and hours together. Amidst the waiting, I fluffed Alex’s pillows. He was weary after the long drive home. And we talked quietly, just he and I laying on our bed next to each other, regaining the physical closeness that had been missing during our weeks at Section. Medical at Section doesn’t have facilities for cohabitation, especially when one is injured and being visited by his pregnant spouse. For the first time since we had been together, Alex and I spent our nights in different beds. The best they could manage were two hospital beds pushed together, and that wasn’t close enough for newlyweds like us. But, being two very inventive people, we managed quite well.

Still, it was glorious to be back home. I pushed all the bad thoughts of the coming separation of my son and his father, and on our first sleepy afternoon at home, I held Alex and thought about the drive home....

“We’re almost home, Alex. It won’t be long now. How are you feeling?” I leaned over and kissed my husband, smoothing my hand over the newly sprouting blond hairs covering his head, only now beginning to hide the scars from the accident that had almost taken him from me.

“I’m fine, but I’ll be better when we are home.” He smiled at me sleepily, giving himself up once more to the sedatives that the doctors had given him to control the pain from his injuries as he was transported from Section One to our home.

Madeline had made sure that the doctors knew to make him as comfortable as possible on the ride. She had been such a good friend to us since the accident. She had soothed my fears about Alex’s condition, she had held my head as I suffered through the first bouts of morning sickness when I had found out that I was expecting Alex’s child, she had even organized our wedding inside Section. Madeline had my friendship and a grudging respect that I never thought I would feel for her. When we had first met, I felt nothing but fear and contempt for her. After all, she had taken Rene from his father, Michael, and given him to me to raise. She had threatened me and terrified me and she had also given me the joy of my life, Rene.

Through the years, she had protected me and Rene, even as she manipulated Michael. She had wanted Michael’s absolute focus to be on the Section and its work, so she took away his son. When he had turned to me for a friend’s comfort, she had taken me away by bribing me with Michael’s child, who I had thought was dead and lost to us. I allowed the bribery, thinking that at least Rene would be with someone he knew and who loved him. Michael focused, but was never the same after losing Rene. And then, Michael found us.

I found him in Rene’s room one night, softly singing his fretful child to a more restful sleep. From that day to this, Madeline had made sure that Michael and Rene remained in touch. She sent Michael after us when we were in danger and allowed us to stay with Michael when he was injured on a mission trying to save us. And when one of Michael’s team was slated for cancellation because he was no longer useful to Section, Madeline had given him over to me and somehow, Alex and I had connected, had become more than just work partners. We had become life partners, and now, we shared another life between us....our child.

Yes, Madeline had changed the course of my life and I had eventually thanked her for it as she had thanked me. She thanked me for standing up to her when no one else would, and she thanked me for caring for Rene and Michael, as much as she did. She could be one cold, hard, manipulative woman when her job called for it, but she could also be a friend. She continually amazed and surprised me. If not for her, I would still be snuggled into my former safe, routine world, far away from those that I love, and those who love me in return.

And now I waited for her to once more take Michael away from his son. Such was destiny.

************

The waiting continued all through the night and into the next day. I used the time to set up an appointment with my OB/GYN. She was so surprised at my news that she told me to come on in, that she had an open spot for me. I laughed and told her I would see her in an hour. Alex didn’t want me to go alone, so Nikita volunteered to drive me into town. “Look, the call hasn’t come yet, so there is no use for us to sit around feeling down. Let me go with you.” She took my hand and tugged. “We’ll take you to the doctor and Michael and Rene can show Alex how well he is doing with his soccer moves. Rene wants Alex to know that he hasn’t been shirking his practice while Alex has been gone. If Section calls, they call, we don’t have to wait in quiet desperation. Come on, Grace.”

And so, we traveled the ten miles into town to the Medical Center where my OB/GYN had her office. We didn’t have to wait long to see her. Dr. Bonniere’s nurse whisked me through the required blood tests and soon Nikita and I were deposited in the exam room. Dr. Bonniere came in snapping on a pair of surgical gloves. “Now, what have we here?” she asked. Nikita looked a bit ill as she watched the exam proceed.

Dr. Bonniere finished her exam and placed her stethoscope on my abdomen, listening intently. “Well, well, this is interesting.” She observed.

“What is interesting?” Nikita and I said at the same time, looking at one another with concern.

“Here,” she said, motioning Nikita forward while I looked on, puzzled. She put the ear pieces of her stethoscope into Nikita’s ears. “Now, listen.” Nikita bit her bottom lip and suddenly her eyes lit up in surprised wonder.

“Is that the baby?” she asked, breaking into a radiant smile. “Oh, Grace. It’s heart is beating so strongly! This is wonderful!”

Dr. Bonniere readjusted the flat of the stethoscope on the other side of my abdomen and told Nikita to listen carefully once more. “Nikita, do you hear it?

Nikita looked confused and then looked at me. “Grace, listen!” She handed me the earpieces. I did what she told me, and heard the strong beat of my baby’s heart.

My doctor then moved the stethoscope back to its original position. Again, I heard the heartbeat. I listened for several seconds and turned my eyes first to Nikita’s excited smile and shining eyes, then I looked at Dr. Bonniere. “Nicole,” I said, worriedly. “Why do I hear two heartbeats? There’s one here.” I pointed to one point on my abdomen, “and one over here.” I pointed to where she still held the stethoscope. “What’s going on?”

“Grace,” Dr. Bonniere said, smiling broadly. “Do you have any twins in your family?”

I squeezed Nikita’s hand and answered her. “Ummm, yes, my mother was a twin, as was her father. Why?” I smiled, because I knew what her answer was going to be.

***********

“Oh my God, Grace! Twins!! Two babies, twice the fun. Grace!!” Nikita was practically jumping up and down. “Alex is going to faint and Rene....Rene is going to be so happy! And I can’t wait to see the look on Michael’s face. We are going to have two godchildren....I love it, and I love you. Oh, Grace....TWO!” She wrapped her arms around me and gave me the biggest bear hug I have ever had. I think she was more excited than me. “I can’t wait to get home, and see the looks on everyone’s faces. When can you feel the babies move? How soon will that be?” Nikita inquired ecstatically.

“Oh, that won’t be for another six or so weeks, I will most likely feel movement in the fifth month during the middle of the second trimester. I am just now at the end of my first trimester. It will be a while yet.” I patted her hand and beamed at her. “Nikita, thank you for being here with me. I’m glad you got to hear my babies’ heartbeats. You are their godmother, after all.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it. That was the first time I have ever experienced hearing an unborn child’s heartbeat,” she sniffed, the tears were hovering on her eyelashes, waiting for a blink to start them on the journey down her cheeks. “Grace, I know that I will never experience what you are experiencing for myself. Not as long as Michael and I are in Section. May I share as much as possible with you? I promise not to be greedy or get in the way.” She blinked and the torrent of tears rushed down her face.

I simply didn’t know what to do but to pull her into my arms and murmur comforting words to her. “Of course, you can share, Nikita, you are their godmother, and I am going to need all the help I can get. Alex will be a while in getting up and around, so of course you can help me.” Dr. Bonniere peeked inside the exam room and took in the tableaux before her. She quietly closed the door and left me to comfort and reassure Nikita, who had become like a daughter to me. I despaired for her, knowing that she would probably never experience motherhood for herself, no matter how much she loved Michael. As long as Section owned the two of them, parenthood was lost to her. So, I would make sure that she experienced as much of my motherhood as she could.

I dried her tears and she helped me get dressed and we set off for the pharmacy to pick up the various vitamins and anti-morning sickness pills before we headed back home. Little did I know what we would find when we returned there late in the afternoon.

As we drove up to the house, I noticed that Rene was sitting in his treehouse, with his legs dangling from the doorway. He was swinging his legs back and forth aimlessly, his head bowed as if he was deep in thought. I looked up at my house and saw no one on the porch. Usually if Rene was out playing, I knew Michael would be out with him or he would be sitting on the porch watching Rene. Nikita had noticed the same thing that I did. Michael was no where to be seen.

As soon as the Land Rover stopped, she threw the gearstick into park and was out of the car and running toward the house. Rene had apparently noticed our approach, and without raising his head, he called out to Nikita. “My daddy isn’t in the house.” Nikita stopped abruptly and redirected her steps to Rene. I followed her.

“Rene, what’s wrong? Where is your father?” I asked as Nikita stopped at the bottom of the treehouse ladder and grasped a rung at chest-height and started to climb up to Rene. “Rene?” I knew he was upset and I could guess why. Michael was gone.

He glanced at us and returned his head to its bowed position. “They called Daddy back in. He’s gone.” He spoke to Nikita. “Daddy said that they would pick you up on the way out. He said that he would bring you your mission gear and that you were to be ready when the helicopter arrived. He will brief you on the way. Mom, Daddy said we were to stay inside the house and away from the windows when we heard the helicopter.” He looked up and I saw the tears in his green eyes. “Daddy said he was sorry he had to leave, but they wanted him back....Mom, why do they always win? All I want is my Daddy! I know what my Daddy told me, but why can’t I have him with me all the time?” Nikita had reached the top of the ladder and put her arms around him, drawing him close to her.

“Rene, we don’t always like what we have to do, but sometimes your Daddy and I are able to do some good in this world of ours. Yes, it’s dangerous, but your Daddy does it because, just maybe, the world will be a little bit safer for you when you grow up. And Rene, you know your Daddy would do anything to make you safe, don’t you?”

I watched in wonder as Rene brushed his arm across his eyes, drying his tears as he locked eyes with Nikita. “Yeah, I know that. So I just have to be strong and make sure my Daddy knows how proud I am of him, don’t I? And Nikita, I am proud of you too. You love my Daddy and I know you will always make sure he is safe so he can come back to me.” He hugged her as she closed her eyes and made her promise to Rene.

“Yes, Rene. I will keep your Daddy safe so he always comes back to you...I promise!”

************

The helicopter carrying Michael and Nikita to their mission lifted off the ground and was gone in seconds. As instructed, Rene and I kept away from the windows. In fact, we were in the back of the house in the bedroom that Alex and I shared. My husband was wide awake, the sedatives that had kept him quiet and out of pain during the trip back home long gone from his system. Rene and I sat on the bed on either side of Alex, who was happily planted firmly in the middle of our bed.

Rene was sitting there, absently running the fringe on the edge of the bedspread idly through his fingers. I was watching him intently because I knew there were torrents of questions gathering in his head. He parted his lips as if about to speak and then clamped them shut again. I had seen Michael do that on many occasions. He was choosing his words carefully.

“Mom, why wouldn’t they let me see Daddy just now when he was here. Why did we have to stay inside?” He looked up expectantly and waited for me to answer. Alex answered for me.

“Rene, I can only answer you from my point of view as someone who has gone on missions with your father in the past. When you are an operative, you have to mentally prepare yourself for whatever might be ahead for you. You can’t let anything get in your way, mentally or physically. You have to focus on the goal of the missions and personal feelings can get in the way. I think that Michael was focused and seeing and maybe be talking to you might have caused that focus to shift a little bit, and he could not allow that.”

“Alex, are you saying that my Daddy didn’t want to see me? But he loves me, why wouldn’t he want to see me?” Rene appeared to be on the edge of tears and Alex quickly continued with his answer.

“Rene, I am sure that your Daddy wanted to see you, but he was on his way to something that could be very dangerous and for his sake and the sake of Nikita and the rest of the team, he could not lose focus on the mission. It’s like the prince in the story Grace told you so long ago. Your Daddy has to be single-minded in what he does so he can always come back to you. Remember?” Alex turned his gaze to me as if he was asking, Did I say the right thing? Do you think he understood? We both turned our eyes back to Rene.

“Yeah, Alex. I remember and now I understand about Daddy. He is trying his best to do what is right so he can come see me again.” He smiled and made as if to hop down off the bed. “I’m gonna go take my bath and go to bed.”

“Rene, wait!” I reached over Alex and grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving. “I have something to tell the both of you about my visit with Dr. Bonniere today.

They both looked at me. “There’s nothing wrong with the baby, is there?” Alex asked anxiously as he clutched both my hands tightly. Rene had taken on an expression of fright.

I laughed and relieved their fears quickly. “Ummm...how do you two feel about twins?”

Whatever Alex had thought to say to me would have to wait until later as the entire bed shook as Rene gave a whoop of pure glee and start jumping up and down on the bed. He was soon followed by Sam, who until he had heard his small master’s shout of delight, had been snoozing on the floor beside the bed. Sam now joined us on the bed, adding his loud barks to the celebration of life.

***********

The fourth month of my pregnancy passed without any excitement. Rene tended to hover, always near to see if I needed anything. He was feeling very much the man of the house, with Alex spending so much time in physical therapy. It was almost time for the casts to come off of his arm and leg and he had been exercising as much as he could. He was so excited about the babies and he also hovered, especially in the evenings just before our bedtime. Alex made sure that I got plenty of rest. He insisted on our being in bed by 10:00 each evening.

If Alex was in protective mode in the evenings, Rene took over the mantle during the day. When most eight-year-olds were outdoors for most of the day, Rene spent most of his time inside with me. He was there when I came out of my bedroom in the morning, and at first, he insisted that I sit down at the breakfast table while he fixed breakfast for both Alex and I. After a week of Fruit Loops and orange juice, I finally put my foot down and gently chased both Rene and Alex out of my kitchen.

The next morning, over a hot breakfast of eggs, sausage and pancakes, I laid down the ground rules for the next five months. Alex and Rene shoveled the food into their mouths as I told them that I was healthy and did not need to be watched and coddled...that women expecting children worked and took care of their families everyday without help, and that our family was going to do the same thing. Alex, Rene and I worked out our household duties, with the understanding that these duties would be modified as Alex healed and as I got more heavily pregnant. The physical changes in the both of us would determine how much we could do each day. We all agreed that we would be considerate of each others’ feelings and would do the best we could.

And so, we settled into our daily routines and everyone was happy with our situation.

Well....as happy as we could be, because we hadn't seen Michael or Nikita since they had left us over a month ago. Michael had talked to Rene twice on the phone and had left several emails for him, but it just wasn't the same as Michael being there to hold Rene and to tuck him into bed at night.

I knew the separation was affecting Rene. He was still excited about the twins and he still hovered protectively near me, but he didn't laugh as often as he did when Michael was here. I worried about him and decided to speak to Michael about this the next time he called. I knew that he didn't have control over when he had free time. Section always got the time that it demanded from Michael. And at this point, Section was being a very demanding taskmaster.

If Section was demanding all of Michael's time, it was being a bit more lenient with Nikita. One morning, at the beginning of my fifth month, we were just finishing breakfast when we heard the sound of a car screeching to a halt outside the backdoor.

Rene had perked up when he heard the car and made a mad dash out the backdoor, only to halt abruptly at the top of the porch steps. I heard his disappointed voice call out, "Oh...Hi, Nikita, where's Daddy?"

"Hey, Rene, don't I get a hug?" I walked to the door just in time to see Rene wrap his arms around Nikita's neck as she bent over to embrace him, as she said, "I'm sorry, Rene, your Daddy is still at Section. He's profiling a big mission. Things have been so crazy at work. He would be here if he could. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know...I'm just a little disappointed." But then the big smile was back, and he was pulling Nikita inside the kitchen. "Are you hungry? There's lots of food left. Sit down and I will fix you a plate." There was a twinkle in his eyes. He slid a chair under her and she sat down and smiled at Alex and I.

"And just how are the kiddies?" She beamed at me and reached toward me, stopping as she met my eyes and said, "May I?"

“Of course, Nikita. I haven’t felt any movement yet, though. I am going to ask Dr. Bonniere about that next week when I see her. OH!” I jumped back from Nikita’s touch and she jerked her hand back as if I had burned her. “Alex,” I said quickly, “give me your hand. Someone or two want to kick you.” I took his extended hand and drew him over to me. The questioning look in his blue eyes quickly turned to wonder and then joy as he felt the tiny pulses of movement as he touched my abdomen with his free hand.

At my exclamation, Rene had rocketed to his feet and flew around the table to stop in front of me. He watched Alex’s face in awe at the delight he saw there. Then he looked up at me. “Mom, can I feel your tummy, too?”

I pulled him close and placed his hand on the last place I had felt the ripple of movement. His smile was radiant. It was at that moment that I turned my head and saw Nikita’s lips quivering as if she was about to cry. “Well, Nikita, there is still a little patch of tummy left. Want to say hello to your godchildren?” I smiled at her as she dropped to her knees beside me and bit her lower lip as she extended her hand to gently brush it across the surface of my ever expanding belly. “No, try over here.” I took her hand and moved it. She was quiet for a few seconds, intently concentrating on locating another movement.

I knew the exact moment when one of her godchildren moved against her hand. She laughed up at me with blue eyes that were shiny with unshed tears. “Oh, Grace, this is wonderful. I can’t wait for you to tell Michael about the twins....he will be so happy about this. I wish he were here right now! It is so hard to talk to him about you and not be able to tell him about the twins.” I had forgotten her promise to me, that she would not talk to Michael about the twins until I had a chance to tell him myself. “But it won’t be long. The mission he is profiling is supposed to be a short one. I know we will have some downtime after the mission and then we will both be back to feel your tummy and say hello to our godchildren.” Nikita was positively beaming when she finally stood and sat back down at the breakfast table. “Rene, honey, I thought you were going to get me a plate.....I’m starved!”

Breakfast continued. We all sat there and happily devoured mounds of pancakes and bacon. In between mouthfuls, Nikita and I discussed decorating the nursery. I couldn’t wait to show her what Madeline had given us as a baby gift. It was magnificent. As we talked, I glanced over at Alex. He was watching me with a rapturous expression on his face. Yep, I thought to myself, that man really loves me, almost as much as I love him.

************

After breakfast, I took Nikita to show her Madeline’s gift to Alex and I for the baby. I hadn’t told Madeline about the twins, but somehow I think she had found it out, based on the scale of her generous gift. Nikita was stunned, to say the least. “Madeline is responsible for this?” She was standing in the middle of a twelve by twenty foot nursery addition to our house. Madeline’s gift had arrived in the form of a construction crew, complete with blueprints and a truck full of men, supplies, and materials to build the huge addition on to our house. It had only taken them two weeks to build and flawlessly attach the new room on to the end of the house where our bedroom was. The addition, which included a big bathroom, had been finished just a few days when Nikita arrived. Madeline had also given me a list of stores at which she had established untraceable lines of credit for me, so that I could decorate and furnish the new nursery.

“Yes, she is responsible. Isn’t it fantastic! You will help me to decorate it, won’t you? Michael is always telling me that you are great with colors.” I put my arm around her and hugged her close. I heard her sniffing and caught the sheen of tears as I glanced at her. “You know, Nikita, with all the emotional tears you have been shedding lately, I think you may be taking this sharing thing we have much too seriously. If we aren’t careful, when I go into labor, you might just experience sympathy pains.” She blinked the tears away and put her head on my shoulder.

“Oh, Grace,” she said quietly, “if I only could, I wish I could feel those pains for real. All of Michael’s children would be as beautiful as he is. Wouldn’t they? I wish.....”

I held her for a few more minutes as she wept for what could not be and then I whispered in her ear. “Enough of tears, my sweet. Let’s go spend some of Madeline’s money on paint and furniture. What colors to you recommend?” I pulled her from her sad reverie and we went to check on Alex and Rene before heading for town.

Hours later, we returned, having picked out a color palette for the nursery and arranged with the paint store for them to send painters out the next day. Nikita would supervise them while I coordinated the furniture delivery. I just hoped that everything that we had selected would fit into the nursery since we had to have two of practically everything.

Alex found us sitting in the middle of the floor of the nursery working on the floor plan to make sure that everything was perfectly placed. “Isn’t it a bit early to be organizing all of this? The babies aren’t due for another few months.” Nikita and I looked up at him aghast.

“MEN!!” she huffed. “The babies will be here before you know it. We have to get all of this sorted out, so that Grace can enjoy the last few months of her pregnancy.”

She bit her bottom lip and sighed. “Besides, I just don’t know when I can get back here, and I don’t want to miss anything!” Alex smiled sadly and nodded his head.

“Then does that mean that Rene and I get peanut butter sandwiches again tonight? Ladies,” he said, glancing at his watch. “It’s after 7:00. Aren’t either of you hungry? After all, Grace, you are eating for three.” I grinned up at him and held my hands up to his.

“Well, I can’t cook down here. Give me a boost.” Nikita jumped to her feet and between the two of them, they got me up and moving toward the kitchen. I reflected silently that Alex had better get his strength back very fast because he was going to need it to deal with my burgeoning waistline. The next few months were going to be eventful ones. I could just feel it....

Later that night as I lay in bed with Alex’s head on my stomach, he laughed in pure delight at the soccer match going on inside my tummy. “My love, I think they are both boys. They are so active.”

I brushed my hand over his head. “Alex, haven’t you been watching TV lately? Girls play great soccer too. These two little ones could just as well be of the female persuasion. I think I might like girls. I would have someone to help me keep you and Rene in line....yes, two little girls would be very nice.” He turned his face toward mine.

“How about a compromise? A boy and a girl?”

I shook my head as I gazed at the father of my children, “somehow, Alex, I think that decision is already out of our hands. Do you really want to know? I have an appointment with Dr. Bonniere next week. She said she wants to do a sonogram to check their position and she also said she would probably be able to tell me the sex of the babies.” Alex looked serious for a few seconds.

“Do you want to know?” he asked, smiling. “I want to know.....”

“Well, I guess so. From a practical point of view, knowing would make it easier to stock the nursery with clothes and such.” I laughed as Alex looked shocked at my matter of fact discussion of his babies. “Of course I want to know. The suspense is driving me insane. Besides, we could start deciding on names if we know. Now, won’t that be fun?”

Alex struggled to sit up and maneuver his body up next to mine. The casts were heavy and awkward to move. “I have some good news of my own. Dr. Lassister said he would be removing these damn casts tomorrow. What say we make an early evening of it tomorrow night and have us a little honeymoon. Interested, Grace?”

I pouted. “You mean you didn’t enjoy the honeymoon we had on our wedding night?”

“No, no, it’s not that, Grace,” he stammered. “It’s just that...that this time I’ll be a fully functioning husband with both arms and legs to love you with!”

I stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds. “I seem to remember you being fully functional on our wedding night...Did I miss something?”

He laughed outloud, and proceeded to function fully for me once more.

After midnight, while we were laying exhausted in each other’s arms, or arm in Alex’s case, I asked him a question that had been weighing heavily on my mind lately. “Do you mind terribly that I share so much of our lives with Michael and Nikita?” Alex stiffened in my arms and rolled over to look at me, as if searching my face for the reason for my question.

“No, Grace, I don’t mind sharing our lives with Michael and Nikita. They are our family...Rene’s family. I could never not share you and Rene with them.” His eyes held a question for me. “Why are you asking this question?” When I didn’t answer right away, he kissed me and asked again, “Why?”

I reached out and placed both my hands on my husband’s chest, and I could feel his heart beating strongly at my touch. I slowly slid one hand up his chest and neck to tangle in the soft short hair at the back of his head. I felt the muscles contract under my fingers as he relaxed at my caress. The blond hair had grown out in the two months that we had been married and once again, I could run my fingers through it, even if it was still much shorter than he usually wore it . Alex sighed heavily and took my face in his large, wonderful hands.

“Grace, I know why you are sharing our lives with them, just as you shared our wedding day with them. Sharing our lives...and Rene’s life with them just feels so right to me. I just wish they could be here more often than they are.” It had been two months since Michael’s last visit. Even though Nikita was with us for now, we both knew that she was due back at Section in two days.

Operations had kept them busy with mission after mission. I was terrified that something bad was going to happen if Michael didn’t get some downtime soon. The last time I had talked with Michael, he had sounded so exhausted, and for him to have allowed me to hear the exhaustion in his voice meant that he was almost at the end of his endurance. I worried about the both of them constantly. Often, Alex would try to distract me with talk of our babies who would be born in a few months, but still, I worried.

“Are you upset that I invited Nikita to help with the nursery?” I stared into his blue eyes and saw a smile there.

“Grace,” he said, exasperated with my questions. “Have I ever failed to tell you exactly what I think about things? Well, have I?” He grinned and took my breath away once more with his kisses.

************

The next few days were a whirlwind of painters and frazzled nerves for all of us. And Alex missed most of the chaos. He was over at the Rehab Center getting the casts removed from his arm and leg. I was able to be there with him because Nikita had shooed me out of the nursery early that morning. “I can deal with all of this,” she said waving her hands at the painters. “Besides by the time you two finish over at the center, most of the work will be done. Now get out of here and go be with Alex.”

Grateful for her warm presence, I left her to supervise painting, while I went back to my bedroom to help Alex get ready for his appointment to be freed from the casts in which he had been imprisoned for the last 6 weeks. Today, we could finally put to rest the memories of the horrible car crash that had almost taken him from me. He was dressing when I walked into our bedroom. He had become rather adept at negotiating the jeans with the ripped out seam to accommodate his leg cast. Seeing him struggle to pull the jeans on reminded me of the day he had attempted to dress himself in the wedding clothes that Madeline had picked out for him. He had ended up falling and cracking not only the cast on his arm but had also struck his head on the bedside table as he fell. I was terrified for him, but the Section medical personnel had quickly and efficiently repaired the cast and bandaged his head. He had sheepishly asked me if he had to wear Madeline’s hand-picked wedding apparel and I had told him he could wear anything he wanted as long as he married me the next day. He happily agreed and when I followed my maid of honor, Nikita, into his room the next day, there he sat in his hospital bed dressed in a comfortable white T-shirt, white shorts and, in a tribute to Madeline’s sartorial efforts, a formal white bowtie tied around his neck. He looked gorgeous to me.

And he looked gorgeous to me today as he pulled the teal blue T-shirt over his head. I stepped up behind him and helped him smooth the shirt down over his broad shoulders and back. H hugged him and reached around in front of him and buttoned his jeans. “

There you go, all ready to see the doctor. I can’t wait to see you dressed in those tight black jeans of yours again. I so miss your rear view.” He turned awkwardly with the cast on his leg and pulled me close to him.

“I am just glad that the casts are coming off now. Soon it will be harder to pull you this close. The babies are growing fast and you are growing faster,” he said as he caressed the roundness of my mid-section. “I never want to be apart from you and our children.” He embraced me and started to pull me to our bed. I grinned and stopped our progress.

“This will be a lot more fun if the casts are removed first. Let’s go over to see Dr. Lassiter first and then come back here.” Alex let the disappointment show in his eyes for a few seconds before he smiled and acquiesced.

“Then, by all means, let’s get this show on the road. Where’s Rene?”

“I think he is planning to stay here with Nikita. He said that he wanted to make sure that the painters got the colors just right, but I really think he wants to talk to Nikita about Michael. He misses Michael so much. Oh, Alex, I worry about Rene so much. What would happen if anything ever happens to Michael?” I leaned back into his arms and felt him pause, as if he was thinking of what he could say to reassure me. His good arm held me tightly and he whispered into my ear.

“Rene would grieve as would we all, but we would be here to hold him, to help him through the pain. He would never forget Michael, none of us would, but he would go on to grow up and make a life for himself, and he would be richer for having had Michael as his father, and....for having you as his mother.” He sighed heavily. “Grace, life is always uncertain. Rene may not have to face this for many years. Michael is good at what he does, the best in fact. He doesn’t make many mistakes. Please don’t worry about this. It’s not good for you or for our babies.” He sighed heavily and turned me around to face him. He kissed me. “Now let’s go get these god-awful casts removed. I have a big evening planned for us.”

And so, we made our way slowly across the lawn separating our house from the Center. I had looked in on Nikita and Rene before we left. They were sitting in a corner of the nursery where the painters were not working. Rene was curled up next to Nikita and she was showing him our plans for the nursery and explaining to him where everything would be. He smiled up at her and I felt a momentary pang that he was giving her that adoring look and not me. And then I felt guilty for that thought. She had so little while I had so much. Mentally berating myself for my jealousy, I turned from the sight of my son sitting there with the light of his father’s life and went back to Alex, the light of my life.

************

Nikita was with us until the paint dried and the furniture arrived. She was there to make sure that the deliverymen carefully uncrated each piece and set it exactly where we wanted it. Both Nikita and I had no intention of letting Alex move a stick of any of the furniture. He was just out of the confining casts and we didn’t want him reinjurying himself by shifting furniture. He seemed content enough to supervise everything from the doorway of our bedroom. The nursery had two entrances, one led into our bedroom and the other led into a hallway which connected with the kitchen. When the perspiring deliverymen were finished placing the furniture, Alex tipped them generously and they beat a hasty retreat to forestall any more orders from what I am sure they thought were two demanding females. Alex stood there, leaning against the doorway, grinning while Nikita and I put the finishing touches on the nursery. Putting linens on the cribs could wait until the room’s future occupants arrived. Finally, we stood back next to Alex with folded arms surveying the room.

Rene sat on the floor against one wall and was drawing on the wainscoting. Normally this childish action would have elicited adult rebukes, but what he was drawing on was blackboard material that had been installed along one side of the room for future use. Rene was drawing a picture in pastel chalk for his new siblings. This was his way of putting his mark on the design of the room. The pastels he used were echoed in the rest of the room. Soft blues, yellows, pinks and greens were everywhere: on the walls, on the furniture and in the mobiles and lamps and the other accessories that we had picked out. I turned to Nikita and hugged her. “You’ve done a wonderful job coordinating all of this. It’s beautiful!”

She laughed. “Well, only the best for my godchildren! Grace, Alex, this was a pleasure. I’m glad I could help. I just wish I could stay longer. I know they will be calling me in soon. Several missions should be going live in the next few days. Those are the ones that they have had Michael profiling. They have been driving him unmercifully. I worry about him so.” She stood there with us for a few more minutes and then, sighing, excused herself to go and take a shower. I leaned back against Alex and watched Rene as he concentrated on his artwork.

“I think we have a budding artist on our hands. You know, Madeline once told me that Michael had studied art at the university and was very talented. Perhaps Rene has inherited his father’s artistic prowess. He does want to be like his father.”

“Grace, he already has many of his father’s traits, he is focused, he is tenacious, he is committed and have you seen those flashing green eyes of his. There is a lot of Michael in that little one over there. Whatever happens, he is going to grow up to be a magnificent young man. And he will be what Michael was never given a chance to be. He’ll be free to become whatever he wants to be. We will see to that, won’t we, my love?”

“Thank you, Alex!” I buried my face against his chest and this time he was able to enfold me in both of his arms. It felt wonderful to have all of him in contact with me once more.

Nikita walked quietly up to us as we stood there admiring her handiwork. She touched my shoulder and smiled sadly. I noticed that she had her cellphone in her other hand. “I have to go...I’m sorry.” She left us and went over to Rene. Kneeling down beside him, she handed him the phone. “Your Daddy wants to talk to you, Rene.”

I saw his eyes light up and then he looked down, realizing what the phone call meant. He straightened his back and took the phone from Nikita, who had put her arms around him. Rene put the phone to his ear and from somewhere within himself mustered a smile for his father. “Hi, Daddy! How are you....I miss you....”

************

Rene told Michael all about the nursery addition and how Nikita had decorated it. He kept on talking, trying to keep Michael on the line as long as possible. Finally, with tears in his eyes he told Michael goodbye, trying his best to keep those same tears out of his voice not wanting to worry Michael. He thrust the phone at Nikita and fled from her. He stopped when he got to Alex and I. “Daddy says he is fine, that it has been busy at Section.” He peered up at Alex. “Alex, you know what it is like when things are busy at Section. That means a lot of missions, doesn’t it? Please tell me the truth.”

Alex bent down so that he was on eye level with Rene, and took Michael’s son by the shoulders. “Yes, Rene, that is what it means. But I want you to remember just how smart your Daddy is. Nothing is going to happen to him. He will be back here before you know it. He just has to take care of his responsibilities at Section and then he will be back here with you. You believe that, don’t you?”

Rene did something then that reminded me so much of his father. He looked deep into Alex’s eyes and then shifted his gaze to the left for a few seconds and then looked back at Alex. “Of course, Alex, I know that Daddy will be here as soon as he can...as soon as THEY let him come be with me.” That said, Rene pulled himself free of Alex’s hands and bolted from the room. Running, I knew, for the privacy of his room, so he could pour out his grief alone.

Alex put his hand on my arm, stopping me from following Rene. “Grace, love, give him a few minutes. He’s not a baby anymore. Let him get himself under control first. Why don’t we go help Nikita get ready to leave.” He gestured across the nursery where Nikita still sat on the floor with the cell phone pressed to her ear. As we watched, we saw her lips form the words, I Love You, just before she pressed the disconnect button and flipped the phone closed.

“I have a briefing in three hours, so I had better get going.” She hugged both of us and told us to take care. “Let me know what flavor my godchildren are going to be when you find out next week. I have to know what colors I need to buy for them. I am going to be a really obnoxious godmother and Michael will be an adoring godfather.” She laughed and left us to go pack.

Within the hour, Nikita was packed and had detailed a composed and calm Rene to carry her bag out to the car. He was growing more and more like his father everyday. The cute chubbiness of his childhood was melting away and I could see that he would be slim and tall, just like Michael. He met us on the porch. “I stowed your bag in the back seat Nikita. You will drive safely, won’t you?”

“Of course, Rene. You know what a safe driver I am!” They laughed and embraced one another.

“Sure, I know. That’s why I asked you to drive safely....Bring my Daddy back next time?” She looked up at me with sad eyes, as she blinked back her tears.

“I’ll bring him back to you, Rene, just as soon as I can. You know I will. Now, let me go. You don’t want me to get scolded by Operations, do you?” She held him at arms length from her and grinned at Rene. “You know what an old poop he can be sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Rene said. “If he gives you a hard time, tell him he will have to answer to me. I don’t like people who yell at my friends.”

“Oh, I will remember to tell him that. You will have him shaking in his boots.”

Alex, Rene and I stood on the back porch and watched her get in her car and drive away. We waved until she was out of sight. It would be another two months and more before we saw her again. And she would break her promise to Rene. She wouldn’t bring Michael with her.

************

Michael crouched silently behind a pile of crates in the abandoned factory, waiting for guards to finish their rounds. The rest of his team had already exited the building and now he was about to make his exit. Only the guards were in his way, so he waited for them to pass his position. He felt a small vibration on his arm and looked down at his wrist. He pulled back the sleeve of his jacket to peer closely at one of the two watches that he wore on his left wrist.

The watch, a larger twin to the one that Rene wore was set to 3:30, and was gently pulsing an alarm. He smiled and thought of Rene. Everyday at 3:30, he and Rene stopped what they were doing and silently thought about each other. No matter where he was in the world, on a mission or at the briefing table with Operations glaring at him, at 3:30 Michael thought of his son. It had been four and a half long months since Michael had held his son in his arms, and Michael missed Rene. The short phone calls and emails did not suffice for father and son, but Section demanded Michael’s focus and he willingly gave them his time and attention so that maybe, just maybe he would be able to spend some real time with Rene.

So intent was he on his thoughts of Rene that Michael missed the first sound of someone moving behind him. When he finally did hear the stealthy footsteps moving across the floor toward him, it was almost too late. He felt the first impact on his vest and stumbled as he sprung up and ran for the door nearest to him. Another impact sent him sprawling on the floor, but somehow he managed to lurch to his feet and make it out the door.

In the van, Birkoff was calmly asking Nikita if either she or Ken Stillman could see Michael. “Nikita, his comm unit just went dead. I can’t tell if he is being jammed or if it was damaged. Can you see him? Is he in your line of sight?”

“No, Birkoff, I can’t see him. We’re waiting for him to exit the building. Just a minute. Let me go to the top of the embankment to see if I can find him.” Concerned about the lack of response from Michael when she tried to contact him on her comm unit, Nikita scrambled up the embankment and withdrew her field glasses to survey the area below. Ken Stillman had followed her. “Look, Nikita, down there.” Ken tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to a door in the side of the factory. It was just turning dusk and there was mist rising from the ground down below where the old factory stood. “There he is!”

She swung her field glasses to where Ken pointed and smiled when she saw Michael come out of the door. The smile quickly turned to a frown as she watched him take a few staggering steps, his arms swinging wildly for balance. In the split second before he fell to his knees, Nikita stood up and yelled his name. Hearing someone yell at him, he turned in the direction of her voice and raised his hand as if to wave at her. Then he fell again. It was then that Nikita noticed that Michael had no weapon in his hand. And she watched in horror as he wearily got to his feet one more time and taking one last look at Nikita standing on the top of the embankment, bravely turned to face whatever was coming at him from inside the building. She saw him pull himself to his full height and raise his chin in defiance just before she saw the red laser sights mark Michael’s chest and then move inexorably up his chest and target his head. The red line stood out eerily in the mist swirling around Michael.

Unbelieving at what she saw next, Nikita screamed as she saw Michael’s head snap back as the bullet found its’ mark. In an instant, she had thrown down the field glasses and was running and slipping down the steep embankment. When she was halfway down, the building exploded. The shock wave knocked her off her feet, but then she was up and running again. Behind her, Stillman shook his head and watched as the sides of the building collapsed and covered what remained of Section’s top operative. Then, he found himself bolting down the hill after Nikita. He was still sliding down the embankment when he saw her throw herself on the huge mound of bricks and rubble and begin to try and dig through what he now knew was Michael’s grave.

************

When Ken finally got to the bottom of the embankment, he ran over to where Nikita was working feverishly to clear a path to Michael’s body. He cringed when he realized what he had just thought....Michael’s body, not Michael, Michael’s body. The implication of his thoughts stunned him. Whatever was buried under the heavy pile of rubble wasn’t Michael anymore. It was just a shell that had encased a spirit that was finally, irrevocably free. No longer bound to Section or anything else. Ken was aware of a voice in his head, asking him what was going on. Where was Michael? Birkoff was questioning him and Ken just stood there watching Nikita tear at the mountain of brick and mortar. He couldn’t move. Ken had known Michael for years, ever since he, Ken, had been brought into the Section. Michael was a rock, nothing could hurt Michael, but the inevitable had happened and Ken had seen it happen. He knew that Nikita’s efforts were all in vain. Michael was not here any more. He had left her. Ken was brought back to himself by Nikita’s persistent screams for his attention.

“Help me, Ken! Help me. I’ve got to find Michael...I have to find him. I promised Rene I would bring his father back to him. Help me....” She paused in her frantic digging and sobbed. “Oh God, please....Michael, stay with me. Don’t leave me!” She turned a tear-streaked face to Ken and yelled at him. “Ken, help me!!”

“Nikita, he’s gone and we can’t help him. You have to know that.” Ken bent down and began to pull on Nikita’s arm, to try and take her away from this place of death. She turned on him and fought him like a woman possessed. She knocked him down and again attacked the rubble. Another team member had approached and Mentz bent down to help Ken to his feet. He looked at Ken and was struck by the sadness in Ken’s eyes. They watched Nikita as she bloodied her hands on the bricks covering what had been her love. They all knew how the two felt about each other and they now wondered what Nikita would do without Michael.

“You bastards,” she screamed. “Help me, help me!”

Ken shook himself again and made a decision. “Everyone back to the van. We’re going home.” As he said this, he nodded to Mentz and together they went over to Nikita and grabbed her arms, even as they heard distant sirens approaching them. She fought them every inch of the way and was about to reach for her gun when she collapsed in their arms. Surprised Ken and Mentz looked at each other and then to the figure drawing near them through the mist.

“Tranq dart. She would have killed you before she would have let you take her away from Michael. Come on. We have to get out of here.” Birkoff, now holding the gun down at his side, watched quietly as Ken gathered an unconscious Nikita into his arms and began the long walk back to the van, with Mentz following. The other team members who had followed Birkoff when he left the van formed a sort of guantlet through which Ken carried Nikita. As one they looked back at the collapsed building, said their goodbyes to their team leader and traipsed back to the van, wondering what could possibly happen next that would rock their world as much as this had.

Birkoff stood where he was for a few seconds, saying a silent prayer for Michael before he too turned and left Michael behind.

Birkoff had listened in abject shock as he heard Nikita screaming Michael’s name. Oh, God, he thought, this can’t be happening. He had watched on his computer monitor as the live feed from the scene was fed to him by the field glasses that Nikita had used to watch Michael. Even when Nikita had thrown the glasses down, Birkoff could still see what was happening, even if at an odd angle. He watched as Ken tried to pull Nikita away the first time, only for her to attack Ken.

It was then that Birkoff decided what had to be done, so he had retrieved the gun from the compartment in the floor, had loaded a clip of tranquilizer darts and had stalked out of the van. Returning operatives passed him and watched in amazement as the slight figure pushed past them with the gun in his hand. They too had heard what had happened, and they stood at the door of the van unsure of whether to go inside and wait for the return of the rest of the team or to follow Birkoff as backup. In an unspoken agreement, some turned and followed him. Others stayed with the van, securing the area and holding position until everyone else returned. They blinked almost in unison as if they had each finally recognized at once that everyone on the team wouldn’t be coming back. Michael......

************

Ken stepped into the van still holding Nikita tightly in his arms. He collapsed onto the padded bench by Birkoff’s comm station and watched as the other operatives filed in silently and sat down, all eyes on the pale figure in his arms. Birkoff entered last and stopped when he saw Ken and Nikita. He slowly walked over to the partition separating the passenger compartment from the driver and gave one sharp, hard blow to the wall. “Let’s go!” he said and then sat down and slumped into his chair. “Damn!” His expletive surprised those around him. They had never known Birkoff to swear, but then they had never returned from a mission without Michael either.

Birkoff extended his fingers to glide through the strands of Nikita’s hair as it flowed over Ken’s arm. “What’s going to happen now, Birky?” Ken asked, catching the hint of moisture gathering in Birkoff’s eyes.

“It’s Birkoff, dammit, and now I report to Operations and Madeline,” sighing, Birkoff turned from his contemplation of Nikita’s dirty face and bloody hands back to face his computer. With one glance over the rim of his glasses at the other operative’s who sat staring at him, Birkoff opened a communications channel to Section and began to speak.

The tension of the last half-hour was starting to show in Ken Stillman....the muscles in his arms were starting to cramp and his arms were beginning to tremble. He closed his eyes, willing the cramps to subside, but eventually he knew he was going to have to shift Nikita and give his arms some rest. Motioning to the operative sitting next to him, Ken indicated that the operative, Andie, should move down the bench. Slowly, Ken rose from his position next to Birkoff and very gently laid Nikita down on the seat, cushioning her head in Andie’s lap. He straightened up and began to pace in the small area of the van around Birkoff’s station. Suddenly, without warning, Ken turned quickly and rammed his fist into the side of the van and in the next instant he let loose a string of obscenities that turned the air blue.

When he got himself under control, he looked at the other operatives and apologized for his actions. “I’m sorry, I just had to do something.” They all nodded in understanding. Ken walked back over to where Andie was cradling Nikita and reached into one of the storage compartments for a first aid kit. Methodically and as gently as possible, he began to wash the blood from Nikita’s hands. That task done, he applied antibiotic ointment to the scrapes and abrasions, and finally, wrapped her hands with sterile bandages. Satisfied with his handiwork, Ken sat down on the floor of the van and hoped that the three hours trip back to Section went by quickly. As he sat there next to Nikita, he wondered who was going to tell Michael’s son that his father wasn’t coming back.

********

“Mom, has Daddy called?” Rene peered at me through the back door. I looked up from the kitchen counter where I was getting ready to prepare dinner.

“No, Rene, no one has called. Why do you ask?” I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that it was just after 3:30, Rene and Michael’s agreed-upon time to stop and think of each other.

“Ah, nothing. I just had a feeling that he wanted to talk to me, and I thought he might have called...I guess he is too busy right now.” He turned and I watched him as he walked unhurriedly down the stairs and across the back lawn to his treehouse. That treehouse had become a haven to him. If I couldn’t find him anywhere else, I knew he would be there. He felt close to Michael there because the two of them had built it together. And whenever he was feeling blue or was missing Michael, he always went to the treehouse.

“He’s okay, just a little sad and he misses Michael.” I smiled to feel Alex’s arms reaching around my waist. I leaned back against him.

“That’s getting harder and harder to do, isn’t it?” I said, “Your arms are not going to make it around me soon.”

“Well, I’ll just have to do this,” and he slid his hands from their place where they were massaging the huge balloon of my abdomen, up to continue the massage on my breasts.

“Alex,” I laughed and covered his hands with my own. “This used to be one of your favorite things.”

“Grace, it is still my one of my favorite things, and they’re more of a handful than they used to be. Mmmmmm!”

“I should hope so. You are going to have to learn how to share soon. Our babies will be competing with you in a few weeks. Now, here, peel these potatoes for me. How does potato soup sound for tonight?” Alex made the appropriate sounds of approval and started peeling. I stretched a little and rubbed my back. The next few weeks were going to be uncomfortable ones. But for my little ones, I was willing to endure anything to make sure they were safely delivered. I walked over to the back door and looked out into the sun-drenched yard. There was Rene, sitting in the doorway of his treehouse, swinging his feet and looking rather pensive. Thinking about his father, no doubt. Ah, Michael, what a beautiful son we have....

***********

A Medical team met the returning operatives with a gurney for Nikita. Ken led the team he had inherited from Michael back into Section through van access. He very gently lay Nikita on the gurney and watched at one of the med-techs covered her with a light blanket. Walter was by her side in an instant, frowning at one of the techs and silently admonishing her to not push him away. Ken watched as the old man took her hand in his and patted it. “You’re going to be okay, Sugar.” Walter looked up at Ken with a question in his eyes.

“I tranqed her, Walter. She wasn’t going to leave Michael. I had to...” Birkoff had walked up to the gurney where Nikita lay. Walter could see a shininess in Birkoff’s eyes. “She’ll be okay, Walter.” And then he asked the question that was on the minds of almost everyone standing in van access. “What is she going to do with him, Walter? What’s going to happen now?” The plaintive note is his voice haunted Walter as he grasped Nikita’s hand even tighter and moved off with her as the medical team began their journey to MedLab.

Birkoff heard Walter’s answer as it echoed down the hallway. “I don’t know, kid, I just don’t know.” And then they were gone around the corner. Birkoff heard steps behind him and pivoted on his right foot to see Operations approaching him, with Madeline at his side.

“Just what happened here!” he shouted at Ken and Birkoff. “What went wrong?” he demanded.

At that moment, something snapped in Birkoff and before Ken could say a word, Birkoff found himself standing on his toes and glaring into the steely blue eyes of his superior. Ken put his hand on Birkoff’s arm and tried to calm him down, but Birkoff snatched his arm away and shouted right back at Operations.

“What happened!! What happened was just what she told you would happen. I heard her!” Birkoff nodded toward Madeline. “She told you that you were pushing Michael too hard. You sent him on mission after mission, not giving him even a few days off. If he ever got more than a few hours off, it was because she distracted you so Michael could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep! I was right, you know, you are a bastard! Oh, and who is going to tell Michael’s son that his father is dead? Are you going to do that or are you going to make Madeline do that little bit of dirty work, like you usually do?” There was a collective inhalation of air from everyone present. The deep breath taken by the operatives seemed also to be held until they heard Operations’ response to Birkoff’s short tirade.

His only response was to clamp his mouth shut, as it had been hanging open in shock at Birkoff’s words. Then Operations straightened his back, glanced over at Madeline who looked as shocked as he did, turned, and stalked off down the hallway. The swoosh of air being exhaled from those witnessing this unprecedented scene was audible.

Birkoff blinked a few times behind the tinted lenses in his glasses and looked over at Madeline. “Uhhh, did I just get myself canceled?” he asked, his knees feeling rather weak from the sudden absence of the adrenaline that had been coursing through his system.

Madeline looked around at those watching and with a slight tilting of her head dismissed everyone. She called out after them, “Debriefing in one hour!” Then when she was sure that they were alone, leaned over and whispered in Birkoff’s ear, “Bravo!! And no, you are not canceled. I’ll cool him down. He knows what he did wrong. It’s going to be very hard for him to handle knowing that he is responsible for losing Michael.” Birkoff gazed at her in amazement, but nodded and started to walk away. “Birkoff, please go and check on Nikita for me, please?” He stared at her as she turned and slowly walked down the hall on her way to talk to Operations. When she left his sight, Birkoff turned and hurried in the other direction, toward Medlab.

***********

“Michael!!” Nikita came out of unconsciousness quickly, sitting up in bed and looking around wildly. Suddenly she smiled as she saw Walter. She shook her head. “Walter, I had the worst nightmare. Michael.....” she stopped and took in her surroundings. “Medlab? What am I .....Oh, nooooooo,” she wailed. “Oh, God! Walter, please tell me it isn’t real. Where’s Michael?” She collapsed into Walter’s arms, sobbing brokenly. The reality of her situation almost strangling her. Walter held her and rocked her gently.

“Shhhh, Sugar. I know it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, but you have to handle this. Michael wouldn’t want you to go to pieces like this.” The old man wished he could take away her pain, but he knew from experience that life didn’t work like that. So he just gave her his love and support and understanding.

“But I left him there. I tried to get to him, to bring him out, to get him help. Oh, Walter. He’ll be so cold there. He hates the cold. Why wouldn’t they let me get to him?” Nikita held onto Walter for dear life and she knew that the aching in her heart would never go away. She had failed so completely. She had promised Rene that she would always watch his father’s back, that she would always bring Michael home to him. And now, she would have to tell Rene how she had broken her promise to him. “What am I going to tell Rene and Grace?” She looked into Walter’s eyes and pleaded for an answer, and she couldn’t find one in those beautiful old eyes that had seen so much hurt and pain.

Walter choked back his tears and cleared his throat before he began to speak. When he began to talk, his whiskey-soft voice took on a soothing quality that began to lull Nikita’s anguish. Walter moved to sit on the bed with Nikita so he could cradle her in his arms. She continued to cry softly against his chest as he rocked her back and forth. “Nikita, listen to me. You are so concerned with where Michael is. Look at your hands. You cut them on the rocks trying to get to Michael. I think you knew deep in your heart while you were digging that Michael wasn’t there anymore. You saw him die. The rubble only covered the shell that he used to be. The hurt that you are feeling will always be a part of you, but Michael will also be a part of you. He’s right here.” Walter laid his hand over Nikita’s heart. “ And he will always be right here, inside you, always a part of you.”

At that moment, someone pushed open the door to Nikita’s room and Operations entered silently. The strain in his face evident, he walked over to where Nikita lay in Walter’s arms. If looks could have killed, Operations would have been long cold in his grave by now. As if unable to hold his eyes, Nikita turned her head and buried it in Walter’s neck.

“What are you doing here?” Walter growled. “You want to gloat over destroying the best team Section has ever had? Paul, I thought I knew you....but then, maybe I do. This shouldn’t surprise me.” Walter drew Nikita closer, as if to protect her from the icy-blue gaze of the man standing in front of them. As he stared harder at the head of Section, Walter could see differences in Operations. The lines around his eyes and mouth were deeper somehow. Deeper in grief. So, he thought, the old wolf has a few feelings after all. He missed Michael, too. “Nikita,” Operations said, as he reached out a hand tentatively to touch her on the shoulder. She shrank back from it as if his slightest touch would burn her skin. “Please....I regret his loss, but life goes on...”

“Life goes on!! For you, maybe! What about Michael?? What about his life? You held it in your hands and you discarded it like some smelly refuse. You are the one who sent him to that ... that place where I had to leave him! You knew he was exhausted, yet you sent him anyway. Get out of my sight! I can’t stand to look at Michael’s executioner!” Again she turned her face into Walter’s chest, and her body shook with the force of her sobs.

Walter glared at his superior and with his wizened old eyes commanded him to leave. Operations turned, stopped and looked over his shoulder at the two grieving people. “Madeline is going to call Grace and tell her what has happened. As of now, I’m giving the two of you a few days off. Use the days to go to Grace and Rene, I think it will help all of you to get over this. I’ll need you both back here soon.”

Before he could stop her, Nikita had launched herself at Operations and grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, shoved him until his back hit the wall. “You tell Madeline not to call Grace and Rene. I’ll tell them myself. How would you like it to hear that Stephen was dead like that?” She stepped back in astonishment when Operations seemed to wilt in front of her. He slid to the floor and put his head into his hands.

“I did hear about Stephen’s death that way. I understand more than you know...and I heard about Michael’s death that way, too. I’ve lost the son of my body and the son of my heart....” He looked up at a stunned Nikita. “I know how much you miss him. I miss him too, Nikita.”

Quieted by this turn of events, Nikita knelt down and took Operations’ hand. “I’m sorry about Stephen. I liked him, and he loved you, even though he had lost you all those years ago. He never stopped hoping that one day he would find you. I’m so sorry...” An amazed Walter watched as Nikita put her arms around Operations and they grieved together for all that they had lost.

***********

The first inkling I had that something was wrong came just after I heard the car drive up. I knew by the sound of the engine that it was Nikita’s car. I looked out the kitchen window as I dried my hands. I had been canning tomatoes from the garden when I saw the car pull up and stop in the driveway. The next thing I saw was Rene leaping out of his treehouse and running towards the car. He had seen as I had the two figures inside the car. He stopped half way when he saw Nikita and Walter climb out of the car and turn to him. My son slowly started walking to them.

My heart started beating faster. Why was Walter here? Where was Michael? I didn’t like the thoughts that were beginning to invade my brain. “Alex!” I think I shouted. “Alex!” I heard his footsteps come running up behind me as my knees started to give way. He caught me, he always catches me. My hands were still gripping the edge of the kitchen counter and I wouldn’t allow him to pull me away.

“Grace, are you all right? Is it the babies...it’s much too early!” I could hear the fear and concern in his voice. But I was intent on the scene playing out in front of my eyes and I shook my head at Alex.

“No, not the babies....out there...Nikita and Rene. Oh, Alex, I think we have lost Michael....” From that point on, we watched as Nikita took Rene by the shoulders and talked to him. His eyes flew wide in horror at what she was telling him. He began shaking his head from side to side, slowly at first and then faster and faster. Finally, he broke away from her, yelling.

“You’re a liar....I don’t want to hear that! You broke your promise! You promised you would bring my Daddy back to me!” He broke away from her and put his hands over his ears. “I am not listening to you any more!! You’re lying to me....!!” And then he said the words that I knew were coming, “My Daddy isn’t dead, he isn’t and you can’t tell me he is!! I hate you, Nikita, I HATE you!!” Hurling those hurtful words at Nikita, Rene pushed her away from him and ran to his treehouse. We saw Nikita drop to the grass and bury her face in her hands. Walter hurried over to her and enfolded her in his arms. We could see his lips moving as he ran his hand over her head again and again. My heart clenched inside of my chest and I took my own turn at weeping into Alex’s chest. He held me tightly and I never wanted him to let me go. But I had to think of Rene. Oh, my poor son, to lose his father, as young as he was.

“I have to go to him, Alex, please help me.” Alex led me over to the table and pulled one of the chairs out and sat me down.

“Grace, you are not going to climb up in that treehouse in your condition. I don’t think you would fit.” His lame excuse for levity failed miserably when I pinned him with a baleful stare. “Grace, I’m sorry. I just want you to calm yourself before you go out to him. Okay?” I nodded and took his hand and together we walked out to comfort Michael’s son.

**********

Just twenty miles away, a man sat hands and feet bound to a chair, his eyes locked on a monitor where a scene played over and over before him. He looked away occasionally, only to have his face slapped and his head turned once more toward the screen.

A dark figure stood beside him and spoke quietly, “You know, I really should have taken that beauty as well. She would have been useful. She is quite in love with what she thinks is buried beneath all that rubble...And I will admit, that young man was quite the spitting image of you. And so brave. Did you notice how straight and tall he stood right there at the last. He thought it was all a joke.” The figure laughed cruelly. “Well, the joke was most definitely on him. I wonder what he thought as that bullet entered his brain. What would you have thought, if the bullet had entered your brain.” The figure came out of the darkness surrounding the man in the chair. He leaned down, blocking the view of the monitor, his eyes boring into the green eyes of the man bound to the chair. Would you have felt anything, or being the stone-cold killer that you are, would you have just stood there and taken it? Are you thinking that she will come for you?” He laughed his maniacal laugh again. “They think you are dead. No one will come for you, to rescue you or to kill you. YOU are mine, now and forever, and you will know nothing but pain for as long as I choose to keep you alive. You’ve been the thorn in our side for so long, you have cost us so much and now we have you, now we have the Angel of Death, we have you, Michael....

**********

I stood at the bottom of the ladder to Rene’s treehouse, wondering what I could possibly say to make the pain of his loss lessen. I knew his pain would never go away, just as the pain I felt would never ever truly pass from me.

His quiet little voice pierced my thoughts. “What did you say, Rene?” I had almost missed it, so deep in thought was I. Alex stood nearby, but away. He knew Rene and I needed to talk.

“I said, Nikita is wrong. My Daddy isn’t dead. I don’t know who she saw killed, but it wasn’t my Daddy. He’s still alive” I looked up and saw Rene’s head sticking out of the door of his treehouse. He was smiling. I thought I would die from looking at that sweet face, angelic in his faith, steely in its determination.

“Rene,” I began. Rene leapt to his feet and climbed down from his treehouse. He looked over at Alex and smiled at him and then he turned his green eyes back to me.

“It’s true, Mom. I know he’s alive.” By this time, Nikita and Walter had walked over to the treehouse, and tears streaming down her face, Nikita spoke to Rene.

“Honey, I am so sorry that I couldn’t save Michael. I’m so sorry, but your Daddy is gone. I can’t ever bring him back to you. Please, Rene, you have to accept it...please?” Once again, Rene pulled himself from Nikita’s grasp.

“Nobody ever listens to little kids.” he huffed, exasperated with the adults standing around him. “Don’t any of you feel it? I would know if my Daddy was dead! I would feel it! Right here!!” He yelled this last at us, defiant in his conviction, as he pounded the place on his chest which lay over his heart. “I would feel it here, inside of me, but all I feel is my Daddy’s love and I’m telling you that he isn’t dead!!!” Angry tears sprung to his eyes as he realized that it was going to take more that a son’s feeling for his father to convince us that what he said was true. And even as I watched my son, I could see the essence of his father boiling up inside of him to turn each of us to his way of thinking. My son, the leader...

Night was falling and the five of us had moved inside to the family room. No one felt much like eating and so dinner stayed in the refrigerator and went unprepared. We sat quietly, each lost in our individual thoughts of Michael. I remembered the first time I saw Michael, when he and Simone had brought a three-year-old Rene to storytime. Rene was been a chubby bundle of giggles, such a happy child and his father had been so proud of him. Michael’s eyes had shone at every glance he took of his son. Then, there had been those horrible days and weeks when the little family I had begun to think of as mine had failed to show up for Saturday storytimes. I had been breathless with relief when I saw Michael walk into the library to return the books I had picked out for Rene. He was dressed in all black, a color I had never seen him wear before. He told me that Rene was dead, struck by a car and killed as Simone had looked on in horror. We grieved together, and then a few weeks later, he came again to me for comfort, telling me that Simone was gone too. How much could one man take, I thought, first his child and then, his wife. I didn’t know about Section then, about how they callously could strip a child from his parents or a wife from her husband, just so the father could be made to be more focused on his job. He disappeared from my life for a while when he found out that Madeline had been following him and watching him when he came to see me. I thought that I would never see him again...

Madeline had then brought Rene to me and persuaded me to take Michael’s child to raise as my own. The price....Michael’s and Rene’s safety. I came back to the present as I felt Rene laying his head in my lap, actually he laid his head on my leg because at this point, my lap was a thing of the past. He laid there for a few seconds and then he looked up at me in wonder. “They’re kicking me again. How do they always know when I’m here?” Rene smiled. “Mom, you never told Daddy about the twins, did you? He still doesn’t know, does he?” His use of the present tense to refer to Michael tore at me.

I brushed my fingers through the thick black hair so much like his mother’s hair. “No Rene, I didn’t tell him. Does that make you sad?” He looked puzzled.

“No, why should that make me sad. I’ll just tell him when he comes home the next time.” He sat up and looked at each of us, frustrated by the expressions of grief on each or our faces. “My Daddy’s alive and he IS coming home soon. Why can’t you believe that like I do?” I put my arm around him and he laid his head on the wide expanse of my pregnancy. “You two believe me, don’t you. I can wait for you to meet my Daddy. He’s going to be your godfather. You’ll like him. He has green eyes, like me!”

***********

Meanwhile, at the Red Cell compound, Michael was ending a day of pain, with the knowledge that an evening of pain was about to begin. He had been dragged to a room and his wrists had been locked in a pair of sheepskin-lined manacles and he had been hoisted upward, so that his feet were just off the ground. Trying to take some of the pressure off of his arms, he had gripped the chain suspending him, but after an hour of methodical beating by first one and then another Red Cell operative, he had hung limply, grateful for the sheepskin lining of his manacles. The skin on his wrists was still intact. They had let him hang there the rest of the day, if the dwindling light from the boarded up window was any indication. It had been sunny when they had taken him. Now it was almost dark.

He lay where they had dropped him, his arms and legs useless and pale. He could feel them beginning to wake up and he knew that soon he would begin to feel the pins and needle pain as the blood started to surge through his vessels once again. A small pain really, in the larger scheme of things, Michael thought. There are worse things. He took a mental survey of his injuries and decided that nothing had been broken today. That was good, he thought, but then there was tomorrow. The Red Cell leader had harangued him about Section’s sins as well as Michael’s own against Red Cell. His set up and betrayal of both Philo and then Zalman had not exactly endeared him to Red Cell. The leader, who said his name was Hugo, came in to watch as Michael was beaten. And when he had ordered the beating stopped, Hugo had watched in satisfaction as Michael had hung there gasping for each breath. He had walked over and put his fingers in Michael’s hair to pull his head up, so that he could look into Michael’s eyes. “It’s only beginning for you, my friend, are you ready for tomorrow? It only gets worse.” He removed his hands from Michael’s sweat-drenched hair and wiped his hand up and down the side of his pants. As he turned to go, he casually gave orders to Michael’s tormentor. “And, you idiot, remember to immobilize his legs and feet tomorrow. He could kill you with those feet.” Hugo turned back to Michael and struck him across the face with the back of his hand. “And that reminds me. That’s for depleting my forces of our best and brightest during our little war a couple of years ago. Thanks to you, I have to make due with this rabble.” He gestured to the tormentor, and then hit Michael again. “You really do annoy me. Don’t you ever give into the pain.” It was all Michael could do to raise his head and stare silently back at Hugo.

“Two hours tomorrow, nothing permanent, and don’t forget what I said about his feet.” Hugo walked slowly out of the door and Michael’s tormentor sneered at him, just before Michael wrapped his legs around the man’s neck and, with a slight jerk, he smiled when he heard the crunching of bones. The man dropped like a stone. Michael’s satisfaction of what he had done lasted only until another guard came in and found the body. The last thing that Michael remembered was the butt of the guard’s gun rushing at his head, and then, nothing but darkness.

**********

It had been close to midnight when they had all decided to try and get some sleep. I had tucked Rene in and sat on the side of his bed and he sleepily looked up at me. “Mom, why does everyone, even you, think I’m crazy for trying to tell you my Daddy is alive?” I didn’t know what to tell him, so I leaned over, kissed him, and tried to say something that made sense.

“It’s a defense mechanism of the body, Rene. When something so awful happens, like what happened to your Daddy, your brain just doesn’t want to accept it, so to help you deal with it, it tries to protect you and so you end up thinking it’s all just got to be a lie, or a bad dream. I know it’s hard for you to accept, but no one thinks you’re crazy. You just love your Daddy so much that your brain is trying to give you a little time to learn to deal with what you lost. Does that make any sense at all? Rene, not one of us wants to believe that Michael is gone. We ache for him and want him back with us, but sometimes we have to accept and deal with the unacceptable.”

“But Mom, I do ache for Daddy, but it’s not a sad ache, it’s a happy, I’ll-be seeing-you-soon ache. I think my heart would hurt if I knew Daddy was never coming back, but it doesn’t hurt that way. It’s telling me to hold on and wait and not give up on him. I can’t accept what my heart tells me is not true. Daddy is still alive!” I smoothed the covers on his bed and kissed him goodnight.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow, Rene. Now, get some sleep.” He smiled and closed his eyes and I sat with him until his breathing evened out and I only left his side when I was sure he was asleep. Alex was waiting for me in the doorway and put his arms around me when I came to him. “Alex, what are we going to do? He seems so sure of himself. I can’t stand this, and the kiddies are kicking up a storm. Do you think that they are trying to tell us to listen to Rene?” We stood there a few minutes with our eyes closed, feeling the tremors raging across my belly.

“No, Grace. I think it’s just soccer practice.” He held me and kissed my forehead. “Let’s take our family to bed.”

***********

Rene awoke in a panic just before dawn. “They’re hurting my Daddy!” He yelled. “They’re beating him! Make them stop....make them stop!” Walter was the first to reach him, closely followed by Nikita. They sat on his bed and together, they tried to quiet him, but nothing seemed to help. Rene tossed and turned fighting something that wasn’t there. He kept yelling for someone to help his father, for someone to help Michael.

Finally, Walter took the initiative, closed his eyes for a few seconds and quickly and sharply slapped Rene once. He quieted immediately and collapsed into Nikita’s arms, crying softly.

“Hey, kid,” Walter said soothingly, “I’m sorry I had to do that.”

Rene peered up at Walter through the curtain of Nikita’s blond hair. “It’s okay, Uncle Walter, but can’t you please help my Daddy. The dragons are beating on him, and he is hurting a lot. Please, Uncle Walter!”

Walter stared at the child, unable to do anything to stop his anguish. He looked at Nikita who holding Rene in her arms and rocking him, consumed by her own grief.

“How do I convince you that my Daddy is alive?” he shouted at them through his tears. “How...how?” Rene suddenly sat up, and grabbed Nikita’s hands. “Nikita, tell me everything that you saw that made you think whoever got killed was my Daddy! How do you know it was him?”

Incredulous that Rene would ask for such details of his father’s death, Nikita simply said, “Rene, I saw it happen. I saw Michael die. And, I am not going to do a blow-by-blow account, not even for you. You don’t need those images in your head. No one your age should even know about the details of someone’s death. No, I won’t do it. Don’t ask me to relive those last moments.....Please!” She pulled her hands away from Rene’s grasp and covered her face with them. “Please, Rene, I can’t!”

“Nikita, I don’t want to hurt you, really I don’t, but I have to know. I have to....” In the end, Rene’s persistence paid off. When I walked into Rene’s room to check on him, I heard Nikita telling my son how his father had died.

**********

Michael began his third day with Red Cell by being kicked awake. He knew that this time their would be broken ribs to add to the extensive bruising on his torso. He tried to tighten his stomach to lessen the impact of the multiple blows but after a while, he no longer was aware of the beating he was taking.

Hugo looked on with a smile on his face. It was gratifying to watch Section’s best suffer. Philo had been his mentor, so watching the man who had delivered Philo to Section being punished was a pleasure to him. When he observed that Michael was unconscious, he again stopped the beating. The burly guard was sweating profusely and was glad to stop kicking the man on the floor, but he also derived a certain amount of satisfaction to have been the one chosen to deliver the punishment. This man had killed a friend of his and this beating had been payback for his friend. He looked at Hugo for further instructions.

“Let him lay there for a couple of hours and then come back and hang him up for a bit. I’ll let you know what to do next. Oh, and don’t make the same mistake your buddy did. Anchor his feet so he can’t kick out at you. Your predecessor is dead because he was stupid. Listen to me and maybe you will live longer than he did.” As soon as Hugo left the room, the guard spat at where Hugo had stood. He treats us all like stupid buffoons, the guard thought, I’ll show him. He turned dark eyes toward Michael’s inert form lying face down on the floor.

“He doesn’t want you kicking anyone, does he? Well, I can fix you so you won’t be kicking anyone for quite awhile.” He grinned malevolently as he put the tip of his boot under Michael and flipped him over onto his back, then he picked up his rifle where he had left in by the door. Turning the rifle in his hands, so that he held the barrel, he raised the rifle over his head, club-fashion, and then brought in down with such force onto Michael’s legs that he laughed when he heard the bones in each of Michael’s legs break. “You won’t be going anywhere for a long time.” Pleased at what he had just done, he followed his instructions and manacled Michael’s ankles in shackles and attached a length of rope first to the shackles and then to an iron ring that had been imbedded in the stone floor. Throwing an “I’ll be back!” over his shoulder, he left the room whistling.

**********

When Michael awoke, he groaned. Every inch of his body cried out in agony. He attempted to roll over onto his stomach to push himself up to a sitting position, and almost screamed out at the paroxysm of pain that gripped him. As quickly as he could, he resumed the position in which he had awakened. The pain lessened only slightly. He took several deep breaths to try and calm the throbbing and fiery pain in his legs. Michael didn’t remember being kicked hard enough this morning to have suffered broken legs. Sighing, he dropped his head to the cold stone of the floor. He didn’t know how much more he could take, and tried to face his immediate, very bleak future.