As he walked out onto her terrace he saw Nikita standing by the rail looking out across the lights of the city. She seemed tense, her back stiff and tight, but at least he knew where she was now. A few hours earlier he had watched her walk past him without a word and leave Section. He knew she had been through a lot during this last mission. He had seen it in her eyes when they had finally gotten her out. She had seemed haunted and distant, so unlike herself. And, worst of all for Michael, Nikita hadn't even looked at him. Michael had thought she might stop by his office after her debriefing was complete but she hadn't.

He had viewed the tapes of the debrief and heard her description of everything that had happened. She had said it all in a clinical detached fashion. The lack of emotion with which she relayed the information would have led most people to think that none of it had disturbed her but Michael knew her well and could see how hard she fought to cover her feelings about what had occurred.

Standing now on her terrace, he heard Nikita say evenly "Hello, Michael."

Nikita hadn't turned around so Michael could still only see her back. He couldn't tell from her voice how she was.

"I knocked but you didn't answer…I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said cautiously.

Still behind her, Michael saw Nikita nod her head up and down twice without saying anything. Michael wasn't sure if her nod was an acknowledgment of why he had entered her apartment or a reassurance that she was okay.

Nikita continued to look away from him not moving. Michael walked towards her. As he got closer he saw that she was gripping the railing so tightly with both hands that her arms were shaking.

He came up beside her and stopped, facing her profile.

"Nikita?"

He watched her let go of the railing and splay both her hands out in front of her looking at them as though she had never seen them before, as though her hands weren't a part of her. Michael saw that her hands were trembling.

"I held her down so she couldn't breathe and didn't let go until she was dead." Nikita didn't look up as she said this but continued to stare at her hands.

"You didn't have a choice."

"I didn't have to do it."

"She would have killed you."

"I've killed a lot of people with guns but I've never felt myself drain the life out of someone like that before."

Michael saw one tear spill out of the corner of Nikita's eye and slowly roll down her face.

"It will be okay." Michael tried to reassure her.

Nikita turned her hands over examining her palms then lowered them back down to the railing. She still didn't look at Michael.

Michael picked up both her hands in his own and pulled Nikita around gently to face him. She looked up at him and he saw the desperation in her eyes.

With her attention on him, Michael said "Kita, you are still a good person."

Michael saw Nikita swallow visibly, trying to suppress the sob that came from deep inside her. The tears that had been in her eyes started to stream out and down her face.

Michael placed his hands on either side of her head and held her face up to him. "You are still a good person," he repeated.

Michael saw Nikita's eyes dart over his features, frantically trying to decide whether or not to accept what he was telling her. He saw how much she wanted to believe it but also how afraid she was that it might not be true. With his thumbs he wiped at some of the tears on her face.

Michael released his hold on Nikita's face and reached down to recapture Nikita's hands, bringing them up to his own face. "Touch me," Michael commanded tenderly. He guided Nikita's hands softly across his own face.

"Kita, your touch is gentle and good because you are."

Michael saw Nikita watching her own hands gliding across his skin and he felt her moving them now without his help. He let his own hands drop down to her shoulders as Nikita continued to caress his face. Again he reached up to cup her face between his own hands.

He leaned forward slowly to kiss her lightly on the lips and press a harder kiss to her forehead. Then, Michael wrapped his arms around her and felt her shake within them.

"It will be okay," Michael said once again. As he held her tightly to him he hoped that she finally believed him.

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