This story contains spoilers for Double Date, as well as dialogue taken directly from the episode. That dialogue, as well as the characters of La Femme Nikita, remains the property of WB and The Powers That Be.

Numb

They walked steadily, traveling deeper and deeper into the forest. She had no idea where they were, but that was okay.

She was numb. It was a good way to feel. It meant she wasn't afraid of him any more. She glanced at the man walking beside her. She didn't love him. She didn't hate him. She didn't care what happened to her afterwards. She just wanted it to be over.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ninety minutes earlier

Lisa stared at the man she'd dreamed about for the last year. "It's a job, isn't it? All that talk about love and protecting me was rubbish, wasn't it?" She felt sick. How could she have been so stupid?

Michael didn't speak, didn't look at her, and his silence frightened her more than any words could have done. What was it he'd said in her hotel room?

"It's David. He's looking for you."

Nausea stung the back of her throat. "Tell me this has nothing to do with David!" Her voice rose, panicked, her breath beginning to come in short gasps. "Please, you're not going to take me to him!" Again Michael didn't speak, and a wave of pure terror streaked through her, one word beginning to pound in her head.

Run.

Fumbling for the seatbelt, Lisa half-rose to her feet, blindly seeking escape. In that instant, Michael wrapped his hand around her ponytail. She pulled away, but he was too strong. He jerked her head back with such force that she fell backward into her seat, her feet sliding out from under her. She gasped as her head smacked against the headrest, the pain filling her eyes with tears.

How could Michael do this to her? He'd made love to her so tenderly last night. Even if it had all been a lie, how could he hurt her like that? The silent question made her freeze, a strangled sob catching in her throat. Just like David, an oily little voice whispered in her head. She shook her head violently, trying to clear her thoughts. No. He's not like that.

"Why?" she choked out, trying in vain to push away Michael's restraining hand. When he still didn't speak, she struck out at him, uncaring that they were travelling at high speed. "Why are you doing this?!" Her balled-up fists glanced harmlessly off his shoulder. "Answer me!!"

"Be quiet." Michael's voice cracked like a whip in the air. Swallowing a sob, she shrank back into her seat, wrapping her arms around her body. This can't be happening. Dear God, please don't let this be happening.

Suddenly, the jeep slowed and her whole body tensed as Michael pulled off the road into a small clearing. He jumped out of the car in one fluid movement, with such familiar grace that it hurt her to watch. She turned her face away as he opened her door, defeat seeping into her very bones.

Then his hand was under her elbow, pulling her toward him. "I have something for you," he said softly, all traces of his earlier anger gone.

She didn't want to talk to him. Didn't want to look at him. But the warmth of his body and the clean, male scent of his skin melted her defenses. Lifting her chin, she glared at him. The distant look in his eyes made her want to weep, and she quickly looked away. It was easier to study what he was holding in his hand than look into his eyes and be reminded that he didn't care about her. "What's this?" she asked in a small voice, staring at the small vial that was filled with a bright orange liquid.

"Your way out."

She stared at him, her heart hammering painfully against her ribs. "What are you saying?"

Michael's face was expressionless, his voice flat. "Put it in his drinking water. It's odourless and colourless when mixed with water. He'll be dead in twelve hours." Michael literally forced the vial between her suddenly nerveless fingers. Lisa looked down at her hand, then back at him.

"I can't."

The stern set of his handsome face softened, and an almost violent longing tugged at her heart. "Yes, you can." The touch of his hand, the tone of his voice, suddenly changed somehow. Coaxing, rather than coercing. Seductive. "It's the only way you can be truly free."

Something inside her snapped at that. His words meant nothing. He was just using her. Again. "Those words mean nothing!" Anger gave her courage. "Is this about David?! If you want him dead, why don't you just do it yourself?!" she demanded in a voice high with anger and fright. It was so much easier to focus on Michael than the thought of David, dead or alive. The past was buried. She could never go back. "Why are you doing this?!"

Michael's gaze narrowed but he said nothing. She glowered at him, trying to shrug his hand from her arm. "Why?" she cried harshly, unshed tears thickening her words. "Did you keep me alive last time just so you could hand me back when it suited you?!"

Guilt flared briefly in his eyes and then, without a word, he took the vial from her hand and shoved it deep into the pocket of her coat. 'Use it." When he wrenched her arm behind her back, Lisa closed her eyes, her breath coming in tearing gasps.

"Don't do this, Michael. Please, I'm begging you."

Michael pulled her hard against him, his fingers digging into her arm. "Be quiet!" he hissed as he pushed her in front of him, moving them away from the jeep. Her feet scrambled for purchase on the forest floor, trying to dig her heels into the soft earth, but it was useless. She'd never realised just how strong he was. He was pushing her in front of him as though she was made of cotton candy.

A shot rang out behind them, and she felt Michael's body grew tense, his grip on her arm tightening. David. She felt as though she was going to throw up. She couldn't go back. She wouldn't. Sucking in a lungful of air, she began to struggle against Michael's painful embrace once more, fear lending her strength. It didn't work. He was still too strong. Panicked, she began to shout, desperate to make him listen, blind to everything but the need to escape. "I won't! You can't!"

A split-second later, gunfire exploded over their heads, turning her blood to ice. Michael swore in her ear, his grip slackening slightly, and Lisa acted on pure instinct. Wrenching herself out of his arms, she ran for her life, the sound of flying bullets roaring behind her.

She ran until her lungs felt as though they were about to explode. Clutching at her sides, she slowed her pace, her stomach roiling with nausea. Was David dead? Michael? What if David had killed him and was now coming after her? Sinking to her knees, Lisa stared fearfully at the dense undergrowth. Surely she'd hear him coming? Just as she tried to reassure herself, a leather-clad hand clamped over her mouth, stifling her scream. Lisa twisted her body around, and found herself staring at the last person on earth she expected to see.

~*~*~*~*~

Sitting in the jeep as it hurtled along the dirt road, a thousand questions buzzed around in Lisa's head. What are you doing here? Are you here with Michael? She tried to stem the bitter swell of loneliness that rose up in her. How could you have pretended to be my friend the way you did? How could you have let me fall in love with him?

But she knew she couldn't ask any of these questions. "Where are we going?" she asked in a shaky voice, clutching at the safety bar as the jeep bounced violently.

Nikita swore under her breath, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel. "As far away from here as possible," she muttered.

Lisa stared. Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer. "Where's Michael?" she asked, hating the quiver, the neediness, in her voice.

"I don't know," Nikita shot back swiftly without looking at her. There was a brittle edge to her voice. "Don't worry," she added almost grudgingly, "I'm sure he's fine."

"How do you know?"

Nikita threw her a quick, unreadable glance. "I don't."

Lisa pressed her lips together into a tight line to stop herself from babbling. Being with Nikita used to make her feel safe. Now it made her nervous. As they rounded a sharp corner, Lisa found the courage to turn to the woman beside her and ask, "What's going on, Nikita?"

Nikita was staring straight ahead at the road. She opened her mouth to reply, then the colour drained from her face. Lisa's heart lurched. Twisting around in her seat, she looked back to the road ahead, and something inside her died.

David.

He was standing in the middle of the road, his sawn-off shotgun aimed right at them. Even at this distance, she could see his smile. Her blood seemed to thicken and flow more slowly at the sight. How could that be, she wondered, when her heart was beating so fast?

I am a different person now. I am not afraid of him.

Nikita gunned the engine of the jeep. "Hold on," she muttered under her breath. Lisa held onto the safety bar as tightly as she could, speechless with horrified disbelief as Nikita aimed the car at the man Lisa had promised to love, honour and obey for as long as she lived.

There was gunfire, then the sound of popping tires. The jeep slid across the dirt road, slamming into a small tree. Lisa's knee banged painfully against the door as the jeep jerked to an abrupt halt, but she hardly felt it. All she could feel was David watching her.

I am a different person now. I am not afraid of him.

David smiled at her through the dust swirling in the air, making a mockery of her brave little thoughts. "Welcome home, Lisa."

Her whole body flinched at the sound of his voice. The voice she always heard in all her worst nightmares. She felt Nikita's hand on her arm. " It's all right. Don't move." Lisa almost wanted to shake the protective hand away. You don't understand, she wanted to say.

David smiled again, and Lisa discovered that her husband's handsome smile still had the power to make her feel sick at heart. "Get out of the car." His silent thread of 'or else' hung in the air.

With a calm she was far from feeling, Lisa turned to the woman beside her. Nikita had been her trainer and her friend. It had all been a lie, of course, but that didn't matter anymore. She couldn't let Nikita to be hurt. Not if she could stop it.

Feeling as though she was moving underwater, Lisa swung one leg out of the jeep, then the other. Dry twigs and leaves snapped under her feet as she walked around the front of the vehicle. The sound was almost as loud as the pounding of her heart. She could feel David's eyes on her, but she couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze. Not yet. But she knew he could already feel her fear. And that he was loving it. The way he'd always loved it.

From behind her came an impassioned whisper. "Don't do it, Lisa!"

Lisa ignored the whisper. You don't understand.

Michael had been right. There was only one way for her to be free. She took another step away from the jeep. More dry twigs snapped underfoot, but the sound also seemed to be coming from behind her. A few seconds later, Nikita was standing in front of her, blocking David from her view.

"Lisa, get over here right now." He sounded angry now, and she could tell without looking that his smile of welcome was long gone.

In front of her, Nikita seemed to grow another foot taller. "Lisa, don't do it." Her voice was cool. Calm. Lisa envied her that.

She felt Nikita's helplessness as she brushed past, and experienced the ridiculous urge to comfort her. "It's all right," she said softly, for once meaning it.

Your way out, Michael had said. Put it in his drinking water. In twelve hours, you'll be free of him forever.

David's mouth curved in a knowing smirk as she drew closer, and she could see the triumph in his eyes. Lisa lowered her gaze, staring at the ground beneath her feet, at the leaves that shifted under the weight of her boots.

The walk from the jeep seemed endless, but it was only seconds later that David reached for her, wrapping his arm around her neck, pulling her against him. His breath was warm against her ear, her own breathing shallow and shivery-hot in her throat. The feel of his body, pressed hard and hot behind her, both confused and frightened her.

David's gruff voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke, vibrating down the length of her spine. "I could kill you but Michael would just come after me, wouldn't he?" he said pleasantly to Nikita, casually pointing his handgun at her.

Lisa held her breath as Nikita glared at David, blue fire sparking in her eyes. She took one step toward them, and then the cold barrel of David's gun was suddenly pressing hard into Lisa's temple. She swallowed her shocked gasp, determined not to let him know how frightened she really was.

Nikita froze. She glanced at Lisa, her bright blue eyes filled with sorrow and guilt, then back at David. She didn't speak, but if looks could kill David would have been bleeding to death on the forest floor.

"Or I let you live and he takes you back to Section like a good little boy," David drawled lazily, the mocking tone of his voice sending Lisa hurtling back into the past she'd tried so hard to escape. Reaching down, she pressed her trembling hand over the pocket of her overcoat, feeling the hard shape of the deadly vial beneath her palm.

She wasn't going back.

Nikita seemed to be waiting for something, Lisa realised with a start. So did David. But after a few long, tense seconds, he sighed. "You're lucky," he said to Nikita, sarcasm dripping from every word. The arm around Lisa's neck grew a little tighter. "I guess it's no contest."

Lisa frowned, confused. What did he mean, no contest? She looked at Nikita, but there was no answer there, only the same guilt she'd seen earlier in Michael's eyes.

David dropped his arm from her neck to clamp his fingers around her wrist. Pulling her roughly toward him, he began to lead her away from Nikita. "Come on, come on," he said impatiently, ushering her along as though she was a reluctant child. Lisa turned back, stumbling over her own feet as she tried to catch Nikita's eye, trying to understand what had just been said between her and David. She had the feeling she'd just missed something very important.

David jerked her toward him, slipping his arm around her waist, and Nikita was lost from her view. "Come on," he said in a politely sneering tone. "We've got a lot of catching up to do."

~*~*~*~

They walked in silence. After a few minutes, David increased their pace slightly, and she stumbled on the uneven ground, wrenching her ankle. Unwilling to cry out, she bit her bottom lip, bit it so hard that she tasted blood. How funny. The last time she tasted her own blood had been the last time she'd seen her husband. It seemed fitting that his reappearance in her life should be heralded by the sweet, metallic taste of pain.

David's hand clutched hers in a painfully tight grip. The small vial of poison was heavy in her coat pocket, pressing against her thigh. She tried to concentrate on putting one foot after the other, but her thoughts circled her like birds of prey, swooping lower and lower until she can't escape them.

"You're lucky. I guess it's no contest."

David wrapped his arm around her waist and practically lifted her off her feet, sweeping her along the small, crooked path. "Well, it's been a long time," he said in a low voice that sent a shiver of dread down her spine. "I've missed you."

Lisa licked her lips. "I missed you too," she lied unsteadily.

David stopped in his tracks, turning to look at her. "Aw, did you?" He was smiling, but his eyes were cold. "I'm sure Michael managed to take your mind off things for a while last night though, right?"

She stared at him, unable to find her voice. Her husband's smile became a smirk. "What, you think I didn't know?" He leaned toward her, and it was all she could do not to shrink away. The kiss on her forehead was surprisingly gentle, which made his words sting all the more. "Still, I gotta hand it to him. I really wasn't sure if he could pull it off."

"Pull it off?" Her voice sounded as though it was coming from a long way away.

"He found you for me, didn't he?" David gave her a little smile that felt like pity. "Just goes to show...you give a guy the right incentive and he'll sleep with anyone to get the job done." He reached down a hand and slapped her hard on the bottom, making her skin tingle unpleasantly. "Let's get going."

I could kill you but then Michael would just come after me. Give a guy the right incentive and he'll sleep with anyone to get the job done.

The truth hit her like a slap in the face. All this time she'd thought it was Michael who'd orchestrated this, that he'd been using her to get to David, that she had been the bait. The absurd urge to laugh bubbled up in her throat. How could she have been so blind?

She thought of the first time she'd met Michael. He and Nikita had seemed so pleased to see each other. They'd hugged and kissed while Lisa looked on awkwardly, feeling somehow that she was intruding. She'd been shocked when he'd started paying attention to her.

And last night, Michael had come to her, a desperate man. Made desperate by his love for a woman. And she had simply believed what she'd wanted to believe. She'd wanted to feel loved so much that she would have believed anything he told her. Just like the last time.

It was almost funny. David had always told her she was dumb. That she didn't understand anything. That she was only good for one thing, and even then she wasn't very good at that. She wished that were true now. That she could pretend not to see.

I guess there's no contest. David's words - and the guilt in Nikita's eyes when he'd spoken them - had shown Lisa just how stupid she had been. She saw everything so clearly now. Michael didn't care about her. Nikita wasn't really her friend. And she could never go back to her life with David.

"Are you all right?" David's voice sliced through her thoughts.

Lisa stared at him, suddenly feeling strangely calm. "Yes." She put her hand over her belly and made a face. "I just need to..." she jerked her head at a nearby crop of bushes.

David rolled his eyes. "Make it quick."

Lisa took a step toward the undergrowth, then forced a shy smile. "May I have the water bottle? I'd like to wash up afterwards." Her heart was hammering against her ribs.

With a long-suffering sigh, he handed her the flask. "Don't use it all. We'll need it later."

Clutching the water bottle tightly in both hands, Lisa felt her fear dissipate as numbness stole across her heart, leaving behind only detached resolution.

She wasn't going back.

"I know. Don't worry," Her fingertips lightly brushed against the pocket of her coat, against the vial of poison. Her touchstone. "I won't waste a drop."

~*~*~*~*~

They'd been walking for nearly an hour when he finally let go of her hand. She surreptitiously massaged it, vaguely pleased when the feeling returned to her fingers.

He looked up at the sky, then sighed loudly. "What a beautiful day." Humming discordantly under his breath, he pulled the water bottle out of his backpack. She watched. Waiting. Hardly daring to breath.

Obviously feeling his eyes on her, he grudgingly offered the flask. "Want some?"

She shook her head, trying not to stare at the water bottle in his hand. She could almost hear the liquid sloshing about inside. "No." The empty vial felt very light where it lay curled in the hand hidden behind her back.

He shrugged, then raised the flask to his mouth. She held her breath, wanting him to drink, wanting to knock the bottle from his hand. Wanting it to be over.

She watched with a strange detachment as he squeezed the flask, sending a glistening liquid rope of water streaming into his open mouth. Carefully she let out the breath she was holding in a silent sigh, watching in silence as he splashed more water over his face, rubbing it into his skin. It was as though she was watching from a great distance. As though she wasn't there any more.

He'll be dead in twelve hours. You'll be free of him forever.

He turned toward her, his face damp and shining in the sunlight. "Here," he offered the flask once more, "we've got a long ways to go."

Numb. It was a good way to feel. "No. I'm sure."

The end.

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