Tossing and turning Nikita gave up the fight. It was impossible. She couldn't even escape into her dreams. They were as deceptive as the real world now. Gazing out through the window slats, a full moon beckoned. The cool crisp air, the smoke of a fireplace in use. The smell of winter.

** Why...** There wasn't an answer for her tears. It was just Section. She meant nothing. This little exercise was just a reminder. This time was to be for joy and love. Not the hurt and ache she felt. They didn't care. He didn't care. She was a pawn, a piece to be used and thrown away.

Christmas Eve...

Of all the days. She had such plans to ignore the realm she lived in. Just for one day. That's all. Was that too much to ask for? She gave them the rest of her year, but today she wanted for herself. Now it was a fleeting memory. The presents and carols, the eager looks on the faces of children and adults alike. She needed it. She needed to remember what life could have been. But that was taken away. It was ruined forever.

A phone call at dusk. Madeline's cool voice. 30 minutes later, a packed bag and very sketchy profile hung from her hands. Before she knew it, she was shuffled out the door to parts unknown.

The roar of an engine died. The mission mask firmly in place as she stepped from the car. Walking up just another yard in suburbia, the front door crashed opened. A young boy teetered behind a precious darling girl bounding towards her.

"Auntie...Auntie..."

Stilled for a moment in confusion, she kneeled and wrapped her arms around the children so filled with laughter. She couldn't help but smile as tiny fingers and wet mouths attacked her. Playing along, she didn't say a word. She was silent. Silent until Teresa came out. Slender...petite...with elegant eyes. Warmth, love and deceptive intelligence. The epitome of motherhood. Chuckling, the children where extracted from her embrace.

"Stop you two...Aunt Nikita is probably tired. She doesn't need you crawling over her. You can see her tomorrow."

Amid the groans and pleas, Angelica and Philippe stepped forward and gave their nightly hugs and kisses to mom and their newly found aunt.

"Go on. To bed with you." Leaning down, the nurturing brunette gave a loud smooch to each upturned face. "Daddy will tuck you in. Love you."

Padded little feet disappeared into the house as they raced to find daddy. Stepping back with a small smile, strong arms quickly pulled Nikita into a hug.

"I was so happy when I heard you were coming. I've never met Michael's family. But he talks about you all the time."

The world stopped. Her ears hummed. It took all her strength not to drop the once genuine smile. After several tries, Nikita finally found her voice hoping the pain and betrayal didn't reflect. "Michael..."

Eyes squeezed tightly shut. Her mind worked through all the scenarios. But all that came was pain. It got even worse as a husky cough got her attention.

Turning away, Nikita couldn't look. She felt Teresa leave her side. There was a mumble of hushed conversation as she excused herself leaving the "relatives" to their reunion.

"Nikita...." Holding up her hand to ward him off, she tried to blink back the tears. Her heart pounded erratically in her chest. Her ears buzzed and rang as the shock set in.

She struggled as Michael pulled her into his embrace. His words were for others who might be nearby. Yet his thoughts resided on the blonde he held. "It's been a long time. Too long."

Pulling back sharply, strong hands tightened on her shoulders. But he didn't speak. His eyes raked over her, and waited.

With deadly calm, she asked what she wanted to know. "...who...?"

With a sigh, Michael grasped her hands before he continued. "My wife..."

How could the evening be so serene as her world toppled end over end by his words. Her face paled. Her mouth dropped. Her eyes filled with retreating emotion. She could barely think. "...children..."

"...mine..."

As quick as the hurt came, anger flashed in it stead. Yanking back out of reach, Nikita shook her head then gave a sharp evil laugh. "all for a mission?"

Turning away from her accusing glance, Michael gave a little nod. Then in a rare show of honesty, he answered. "at first..."

***********

It took 15 seconds for reality to sink in. At first, the nod sufficed. Section was known for being cruel, and this was one of its worst tricks. But then...then...those words slammed into her. They seeped into the recesses of her mind, eating away until it found her vulnerable side.

** at first ** Yes it was a mission. But now more... more... more... How much more could she take? For years she followed his heals like a puppy dog, just happy for a pat on the head. All that time, he had this. A wife, two children. God, the children. They couldn't be older then 2, maybe 3.

Her heart started to slow. Her eyes narrowed. Her mind turned. 2 years, maybe three. 2 years, maybe three. Hurt and anger now walked together hand in hand.

With her back ramrod straight, Nikita was off the steps and halfway to the car when she remembered. Section...Section

Glancing over her shoulder, she felt rather then heard Michael come up beside her. "...nikita..."

Whipping her head around and hastily putting on her sunglasses despite the twilight, her snarl stopped him. "...not now...not ever Michael...ever"

Grabbing her case from the trunk, Nikita returned to Michael side before proceeding into her waking nightmare. The icy cold had set in. Feelings so intense that they could destroy were pushed aside. "mission?"

With a sigh and a raise of his hand, Michael tried to separate his need for her and his family. Hiding in Section dogma, he ignored the sense of total loss and damage.

"Yes. Information is inside."

Several Deep breaths. Then icy air left trails behind them as they made their way up to the house. Just outside of the door, Nikita stopped. Pulling herself together, she stood strong and tall. Michael reached to help. She pulled away. This was one mission she had to do on her own. If she didn't, she would loose all touch with who she was. Gritting teeth, her heart shattered as her foot stepped over the threshold of his house... A home he shared with "his" wife.

~~~~~~

Teresa buzzed happily oblivious to the quiet. Instantly photo albums where pulled out. Picture after picture. The honeymoon. The kids first haircuts. But the one that held Nikita's attention was their wedding photo. Elegant long dress. White lace. Her hand started to shake. The photo was soon taken. Fingers placed on hers.

Lost in her own world, Teresa ignored the silent warning from her husband.

"The wedding was beautiful. But it lacked one thing. You weren't there. Michael was disappointed and so was I. But with a career like yours..."

This trip down memory lane lasted for over an hour. An excruciating hour. Her dreams...her hopes...all she wanted was laid out in front of her. It mocked her with every smile. Biting back the tears, Nikita wished that Michael would leave. Having him see her pain was just too much. Shaking her head, she tried to keep up with Teresa. It was difficult. All she wanted to do was yell, scream and then curl up in a ball.

Finally noticing the exhaustion in Nikita's eyes, Teresa stopped. "I'm sorry you've have such a long day. Let me show you to your room."

Standing Nikita sighed. Averting her gaze past her tormenter. She grabbed her purse. "I am a little tired."

"Oh of course you are. Michael check on dinner will you, love?"

** love...** A heart lurched.

Leading Nikita down one hall then the next, she finally stopped. Opening the door, Teresa watched her sister-in-law go in. So different they were, these siblings. One dark, one light. But the family trait of pain showed in both their eyes.

Grabbing for a hand, she pulled her new sister into a hug. Lost for words because of happiness, she just patted Nikita's back.

"Michael said he has something for you in the study. But I think you need to get some rest. I've got dinner on the stove. So it can wait until later."

She rattled on incessantly. Not noticing or not mentioning Nikita's silence. Pulling down the comforter, she sat the tall blonde down. "Why don't you get some sleep, I'll come get you when the food is ready."

Out of the corner of her eye, Teresa watched Nikita just stare at her feet. The flight must taken it all out of her. Pushing on the blonde's shoulder, she tucked her into bed. Turning off the light, she left.

Nikita sat and waited in the dark. Thinking. Hurting. Mourning. Curled into a ball, she lay in Michael's house...wrapped herself in his sheets. She just never envisioned a wife...or even worse children. What a cruel world. What had she done to deserve this? Silently she let the tears come.

***********

Time ticked by. The situation got worse. The only way for this to work was to focus. To pull together and focus. Section. For the first time she willing lost herself to Section. Putting aside all thoughts and feelings, Nikita vaulted from bed as if burned. She needed something to concentrate on.

Quickly changing. New makeup applied - heavy on the eyes. She moved down the hall in silence. The house was a decoration of styles. A bit country. A bit antique elegance with a spotting of 20th century children's toys. It fit. It was right. For the first time she saw what grounded Michael. It was not her. How could she have even think it would be her.

Absently she made her way into the living room. Pulling back into the shadows Nikita bit her lip to keep from yelling. Off in the corner, he stood arms wrapped around his wife. Whispering calming words into her ears.

Jealousy. Rage. Pure Agony.

Closing her eyes, she tried to remember why she shouldn't have a breakdown. It was easier with Lisa and the countless others. They were just missions. They were always for the greater good. She had always been the "more". The one thing he couldn't ignore. Now the error in her logic smacked her head on. This was the mission that turned into more. This was the reason he was so ruthless and cold. This was who he was. What a fool she'd been.

Section...there was a reason she was here...Section...mission.

It took a few minutes, but Nikita found his study. Searching his office was easier then expected. Pulling the disk from his optical drive, Nikita threw it in her pocket. Straightening up, she barely escaped back to her room before Michael came down the hall.

Working like a machine. Nikita reviewed the profile. Logically going over the options. Making a few modifications, she prepared herself for what was next. This was a simple acquisition, nothing more. In fact she didn't need to even be here, but she was. Another layer of pain came when she realized her misery was intended.

Bowing out of dinner and ignoring the we need to talk look shinning in green eyes, Nikita set her alarm for the early hours. She wouldn't need it, but to wake up here in the morning would be devastating.

As time ticked by her imagination ran wild. Lights were shut off. Doors were locked. One last look in on the kids. Then off to "their" bedroom. With Teresa. Sweet and loving Teresa. Everything she knew Michael must long for. Each minute was torture as she pictured him lying next to her. Nikita swore she could almost hear the rustle of sheets. The moans she filled in herself.

Staring up at the sky, she watched the glimmer. A shooting star. She refused to wish. For to wish, you have to have hope. Hers had died.

A small cry broke through the silence. Bounding from the bed she followed the frightened sobs. Coming to rest just outside a door decorated in purple dinosaurs, she watched in horror. This was the man she could love. This was the man she wanted. Gently he held his tiny son chasing away the dragons and demons of bad dreams.

She could fight the wife. She could fight the hate. She could fight Section. She couldn't fight the children. If she had any doubts on the mission changes, they were dashed instantly. She had to leave.

**********

Midnight came and went. The cool evening air turned icy. Black sky and full moon. Countless slept warm in bed with sugarplums floating in their dreams. Children tucked away getting rest. In hours eyes would open. Grins would soon be smiles. Strips of paper would liter the floor, as treasures were uncovered.

Yet Nikita lived wholly in a life of dark. Donning mission black, she disabled the window alarm and threw her out bag. With one last thought, she leaned over and hauled it back in. Searching, she found the four items she needed. With pen a paper and a few thoughts, Nikita snuck out to the Christmas tree.

Off to the side sat a rocking horse with mane of gold. A new Bike next to that. Ribbons and bows begged to be admired. Placing her paltry gifts aside, she tried to ignore the longing that crept into her. The smell of pine and spice tackled her senses. A perfect Christmas she never had. Today was no exception. But she was determined for the children to know no sorrow.

Wiping away a persistent tear, she left in the cover of darkness. She whispered to the empty house her Christmas wish and goodbye.

Green eyes stared blankly from the shadows. Watching her go. He knew not what to say to make it better. Sorry seemed so trite. Torn between a life of family, the fire of love and the harshness of Section. He watched her leave quietly into the night.

Alighting through the window. She moved through the dark. Pushing her car down the street, she finally dared to turn it on. Setting out on this early Christmas morn, she went to do her job. A job that was her life. Behind she left a broken heart and shattered soul. One more shooting star fell as Nikita disappeared into the Midnight Clear .

~~~~~

The end...

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