“I’m a little worried, Walter,” Birkhoff admitted, and Walter sighed.

“Don’t sweat it, kid,” he advised. “If Operations says we’re ready, we’re ready.”

“Damn the Goatee Men for dying, anyway,” Birkhoff grumbled. “This is the perfect job for them. But no, it goes to us ...”

Section was almost deserted. The lights were dimmed to save energy; whole portions of the compound were shut off. But in the middle of Birkhoff’s station, the two figures hunched over a computer terminal; soon, a tall, slim figure strode toward them, cheroot clutched in his hand.

“I’m sorry for this,” Operations greeted them in an unaccustomed show of sympathy. “But you know how it is. It’s off-season; we’re operating on minimal levels. Nikita’s in Australia; we all know sending Michael into a situation like this would be suicide. We have to have this intel. It’s imperative that we’re fully informed about this rogue group. Tell me again how many hostiles we have?”

“They aren’t hostiles,” Birkhoff answered. “They’re just ... people. Women, mostly. They’re part of an organization called the Sidekick Society. Maybe the con won’t be that bad; they’ll have free food ... I’ve noticed on several lists that cheesy poofs and licorice are high priority ...”

“Birkhoff, focus,” Operations snapped. “These are women who have an inordinate fascination with Section. They span all ages, all levels of society. It’s an intel nightmare and you know it. Tell me how many are coming.”

“The head operat -- ah, person in charge -- is named Robin. Her second in command is Carol. According to her, the hotel will only hold about 200. I have a list of the attendees ...”

“Some are sure to drop out,” Walter interrupted.

“Maybe, but they’ve got a pretty long waiting list.” Birkhoff scrolled down the screen.

“All right, what are we looking at?” Walter demanded. He was beginning to get a little nervous. Or was that excited? Two hundred women ... hotel rooms ...

“Well, a lot of these we know already, from the story boards...” Birkhoff said, oblivious to Walter’s torment.

“Is Susan coming?” Operations interrupted.

“Yeah, I think so ...”

“Good, you need to have a little chat with her ...”

“All right,” Birkhoff said reluctantly. “But it’s not my fault about her margin problem. That was Inside the Web. Hey, this should make you happy. Enjoue` is expected, and so are ... let’s see ... Dana, Cynaera, Amy, Taichi, Marie, Raven, Norma, Zzoomama --”

“The one who pioneered Time Out?” Operations asked.

“Yes sir, I believe so.”

“Can you arrange a meeting with her? Walter, I want you to discuss the possibilities of instituting a similar process in Section.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Birkhoff assured the other men. “Also on the list of attendees are what Madeleine refers to as the Fluff Five Hundred. Do I need to go over those names?”

“No, please,” Operations said, sighing. “I know them already. They are indefeatable; it’s useless to fight against them, they always win. Tell me: is the Bunny Slippered Queen attending?”

“Lorraine? I’m not sure ... but it says here that bunny slippers are among sanctioned footwear for attendants. Should I see if I can find some in our sizes?”

“Probably it’s just for the attendees,” Operations decided. “You’d likely be exempt. Anyway, we’ve no hope of blending in with this crowd.”

“I’m afraid you’re right,” Birkhoff said, scanning down the list of names. “I’m going to download this on a disk for you to study tonight, Walter.”

“Thanks, kid. Now, about ammunition ...”

“Walter, I told you ... they aren’t hostile ...” Birkhoff said.

“Yeah, that’s what you think. Have you seen Michael come in after a rescue?” Walter demanded. “I’ve decided we should take these.” Walter pulled out two small brightly colored plastic weapons. “Do you want blue or red?”

“What is this?” Operations was so furious he could scarcely speak.

“See, we fill them the night before and put them in the freezer,” Walter explained. “By the time we get to the con, the water will be thawed but still cold. Usually I give Michael a larger version, but he deals with the most ... ah ... enthusiastic members of the society. I figure we probably only need these streamlined versions.”

“Michael?” Operations said blankly.

“Yessir,” Birkhoff seemed surprised. “Didn’t you know? Michael occasionally rescues one or the other of them from fates worse than death. Once it was Enjoue`; once it was pbj ...”

“Michael holds off hordes of women with an icy water pistol?” Operations surprise was evident.

“Harmless, but effective. Usually I give him a Super Soaker. But these would be fine for our purposes ... it says they’ll have security in place,” Walter assured.

Operations thought for a moment. “Is there any other advice Michael could give us?”

“As a matter of fact, when I realized that we would be the ones going to the con, I contacted him. Here’s his reply.” Birkhoff called up Sections covert e-mail system, and Operations read over his shoulder.

“‘Watch out for your pants.’ What the hell does that mean, Birkhoff?”

“Last time, he came back without his pants,” Walter clarified.

“Yeah,” Birkhoff said. “In fact, he says these missions are especially hard on all his clothing. There’s one woman in particular ... Rosaline ... she seems to lead a group who’s mission is to ... ah ... well ... anyway, Laurie in wardrobe finally gave up and started mass-producing mission pants ...”

“Take Laurie along,” Operations decided. “Kill two birds with one stone, as it were: she’ll explain to these rabid women that we can’t have our operatives stripped searched at whim, and they’ll get to ask her fashion questions. Now: do we have a schematic of the hotel?”

“Yes, and here’s the schedule of events,” said Birkhoff.

Operations leaned over, studying the screen. “Fan fic workshops ... bus tours ... a charity auction ... oh, a band ... that should be interesting for you two ...”

“Yes, sir,” Birkhoff sighed.

“Now, Birkhoff, Walter.” Operations fixed them with a very serious stare. “You do realize what we’re dealing with here?”

“I think so,” Birkhoff answered, and Walter nodded.

Operations said, “These are women who have a variety of outside interests. They have access to computer technology. They have active imaginations ... perhaps too active. And they are easily captured by Men of Mystery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“You think they might ...” Birkhoff gulped, his adam’s apple visibly jerking in his throat.

“I think that as reasonably attractive, intelligent individuals, you may have to prepare for the worst,” Operations said.

“Ravishing?” Walter asked, interested.

“I ... I don’t have mission pants,” Birkhoff worried.

“Don’t worry.” Operations gave him a friendly whack on the shoulder. “Laurie can find a pair that fits you; Walter, you still have yours, right? The bottom line is, you have to be prepared for anything. This is serious, men. I want names. I want faces. I want passwords. I want user IDs. I want full backgrounds on all attendees. Am I clear?”

“All right.” Birkhoff swallowed again, and Operations, satisfied that they would carry out their duties, left the area.

Birkhoff swallowed again. “Walter ... are you sure those water guns are big enough?”

Walter frowned. “Maybe I should borrow from Michael’s stash.”

************

“How’s it coming?” Madeleine came up behind Operations and lay a gentle hand on his back, peering over his shoulder at the computer screen.

“I don’t know,” he said wearily, scrubbing his eyes and sighing. “We obviously underestimated them. The intel Birkhoff’s received this week ... it’s unbelievable.”

“Tell me what’s happened in the past 12 hours,” Madeleine requested, seating herself and crossing her arms like a schoolteacher waiting for a recital.

“First of all ... the field trip. Were you aware they were taking a bus load of women around to some of our most favored rendezvous points?”

“Which ones?”

“The train station. The park. All the good spots; after this, we’ll have to find all new meeting places. Secondly ... somehow, they’ve obtained some Section sanctioned clothing.”

Madeleine froze. “Whose?”

“Guess.”

“Not ... not Michael’s?”

“I’m afraid so.” Operations sighed and leaned against the table. “They’re auctioning a pair of his pants. Supposedly for charity.”

“Dear Lord,” Madeleine said slowly. “What else?”

Operations gave a snort of disgust. “I won’t distress you with the details. Suffice it to say, Walter and Birkhoff can’t be allowed to attend this ... con ... alone. It’s too much for them. Hell, it’d be too much for Michael, and we both know he’s the best.”

“So, what do you suggest?” Madeleine asked. “Telling Birkhoff and Walter that the surveillance is off?”

“No!” Operations said quickly. “No, we can’t afford to not cover this. We have to know ... we’ve got to get these people in our databases.”

“What are the chances of them being in other databases? We could just download lists from other government agencies ...”

“Except that, in this case, they don’t exist in other databases. These women haven’t done anything illegal. Yet, anyway...”

“‘Yet?’”

“Well, the whole fanfic thing is a little ... fishy.”

Madeleine sighed. “Now, Marcus, we both know that no copyright infringement is intended --”

“That’s another thing,” he interrupted her. “The fanfic writers ... they know my real name, Madeleine.”

“What?” Madeleine went a shade paler, her eyes wide and disbelieving. “That’s impossible. Even here, the only Christian name you’ve been pinned with is Paul ... and that was your code name.”

“I know. But somehow ... they know. It’s uncanny.”

Silence. Two very worried people contemplated the wavy blue 3-D schematic rotating slowly before them. “You’re right,” Madeleine said slowly. “We can’t afford to not go. But we’re definitely going to have to increase the number of Operatives. How many events do we need to cover?”

“Someone needs to go to the fanfic workshops. I’m going to assign someone to zzoomama full-time, and I’m considering doing the same for norma. Enjoue` will be manageable if she doesn’t get involved with the other two ... I thought Laurie Drew and Nikita could work in tandem.”

“That’s a good idea. Have you called Nikita in yet?”

“Not yet ... we need to formulate a plan before calling anyone in for a briefing ...”

___________________

Two hours later, a handful of Section personnel sat around the conference table.

“Birkhoff --” Operations began, but before he issued a command, Birkhoff began passing out hand-held computers.

“All the schedules have been loaded onto these babies,” Birkhoff said. “We don’t have visual identification of anyone, but we do have codenames ...”

“What if people are using two codenames?” Nikita asked.

“Ah, you mean like Nikita507 and Blank Stare?” Birkhoff asked, grinning. He’d really accomplished something when he cracked that code.

“Yeah, I’ve got a few things to say to that chick,” Nikita grumbled. “Talk about a sadistic streak ... she’s the one with that damn metal dress ... and don’t get me started on the shoes that girl puts me in ...”

“Nikita,” Operations said, icily. “We don’t have time for personal vendettas. We have one weekend to get the goods on these people. Now, does everyone have his or her assignments?”

Everyone nodded.

“I stick with Laurie,” Nikita said dutifully.

“I stick with the mission pants,” Laurie said.

“And don’t let them get stolen,” Operations interjected. “Madeleine?”

“I’m to infiltrate the writers’ group. First objective is to find out where they live ... second objective is to find out if they’re mentally stable.”

“Good,” Operations approved. “Birkhoff?”

“I nosh with Susan and ‘chelle, find out about the boards,” Birkhoff replied. “Also I tape all conversations in the main meeting rooms.”

Walter said, “I watch Birkhoff’s back and go to all the unofficial parties ... in an official capacity.”

“All right then, that about covers it ... you may notice other Section operatives drifting in and out ... Gail may be there ... possibly even people we thought were canceled. I don’t want any hysterics,” Operations glared at Nikita, “if someone you thought was dead shows up. Understood?”

Everyone nodded. “Michael will hold down the fort,” Operations continued. “He’s too valuable to risk in this scenario. It’s dangerous even to have his pants there; I can’t imagine what would happen if he showed up. Well. Everyone’s dismissed. Meet back here at 0700 on Friday. Walter, double check transport, will you? And we’ll need to take a few more water guns.”

Walter agreed and the room emptied except for Madeleine and Operations.

“Marcus ...” Madeleine paused and looked at him, trying to gauge his mood. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather I get someone from abeyance to fill in for you? I know we agreed it’s too risky for Michael to attend ... but I think it’s equally risky for you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Operations smiled at her concern. “Don’t worry. We both know it’s necessary for me to go in. First of all, we have to find out how Enjoue` knows my real name. Secondly, we have to keep an eye on zzoo. Not to mention norma, who apparently has a problem with balance. Everyone else will be busy enough ... it has to be me.”

Madeleine nodded sadly. “Just ... be careful.”

“I will be. And it’s not as if I’ll be unarmed.” He raised the end of his sweater, and nestled against his side was one of the largest water guns Madeleine had ever seen. Her eyebrows shot up. “It’s Michael’s,” Operations admitted. “He loaned it to me.”

“Let’s just hope,” Madeleine said, hooking her arm through his, “that you don’t have to use it.”

--end--

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