The song used here is Madonna's "The Power Of Goodbye" off of Ray of Light (great album!!!)

"Your heart is not open, so I must go...
The spell has been broken...
I loved you so...
Freedom comes when you learn to let go,
creation comes when you learn to say no...
Walk away..."

So loud it blocked everything out and she couldn't hear anything else. It filled the room, pounded against the walls, filled her body, making her move. She closed her eyes and pushed her hair up and away from her face, off her neck. She felt the cool breeze kiss her bare shoulders as the cutains billowed into the room from the open french doors. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so...content...so peacefull...Section hadn't called her in weeks.

She was letting herself get used to having a normal life...and that was dangerous. She'd only hurt herself. But it had been so nice to just be Nikita and not "Josephine". She hadn't heard from Michael since the last mission. He hadn't called Nikita OR Josephine once the whole time.

"You were my lesson I had to learn...
I was your fortress you had to burn...
Pain is a warning that something's wrong...
I pray to God that it won't be long...
Walk away...
There's nothing left to try...
There's no place left to hide...
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye..."

A knock on the door. She opened her eyes and skipped over to it, the rythm still in control of her body. She pulled open the door and moved away from it like liquid back to the center of the room. It was Michael. The second she heard him knock she knew it was him. Carla's knock was less timid.

"You can hear that from the courtyard."

Nice to see you too, Michael.

"I don't care..." She closed her eyes again, arms around herself, head thrown back, breathing in the sent of flowers flowing in from the garden she and Carla had worked on yesterday. "I don't care..." she repeated. "I like it loud..." She moved to the stereo and turned the dial a notch higher.

"Your heart is not open, so I must go...
the spell has been broken...
I loved you so...
You were my lesson I had to learn...
I was your fortress you had to burn...
There's nothing left to try...
There's no place left to hide...
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye..."

She opened her eyes and came towards him. She took his hands and pulled him further into the room. "Lighten up Michael...Live a little..."

"There's nothing left to lose...
There's no more heart to bruise...
There's no greater power than the power of goodbye..."

She dropped his hands seeing that he wasn't going to play. She snaked around him and laughed at his rigid back. He was uncomfortable. She loved it!

"Learn to say goodbye...
I yearn to say goodb-"

He moved to the stereo and flicked it off. She lowered her arms from over her head and stared at him.

"What is it?"

"We have to go in."

"Why didn't you just call me?"

"I did. You didn't answer."

"I was here." She smirked. "I didn't hear it." She looked at him again. He looked upset

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He it said softly, his accent cutting the end of the word. "Let's go."

He turned and left, not waiting for her to follow.

"I was TRYING to have a good day..." She mumbled to herself as she slammed the door behind her.

***********

"This man - " Operations clicked at the air above the table, and the screen shimmered into view above it. She should be used to it by now, but Nikita always got a kick out of it, it was so cool...GOD, AM I HYPER...Nikita leaned back further in her chair and watched Operations pace back and forth as he continued. "His name is Ceasal Donovan. He is a wealthy politician..." IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND? "Mr.Donavan has somehow gotten a hold of important documents that include information on Section One. Needless to say we don't want this information to fall into the wrong hands...We need to get it back."

Michael spoke quietly from beside her, "Who is being sent in?" He sounded like he knew the answer, and didn't like it. Nikita wondered if he had already been informed about the mission. Operations stopped his pacing and stood on the opposite side of the table, in front of Nikita and Michael.

"Donovan and his wife have recently signed up for group therapy sessions..."

"Marital problems?" Operations looked at Michael as he answered her. "No. They recently lost their child and are seeing, with another couple, and the both of you, a grief counselor. During the sessions I want you to get close to the Donovans. Get invited to their house. Find his office and destroy his files. Is that understood?" Nikita followed his gaze to Michael. She saw him close his eyes for a moment, then open them again. His face revealed nothing as he stared back at Operations.

"Yes." His voice was steady, but she could see his clenched fist under the table.

Operations sent them to see Madelaine.

Nikita waited untill they were in the hall before asking him, "Are you alright?" He turned to her with the same blank face he had showed Operations.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He didn't wait for her answer, but walked faster down the remaining stretch of the hall into Madelaine's office.

Nikita bit her lip and stared after him. BECAUSE YOU LOST A CHILD TOO...

So it was true. Michael and Simone had had a child. The first she had ever heard of it was from Red Cell when they had held her and Michael captive. After the ordeal she had figured it was a lie planted by Section to make her pity Michael, to make sure she would break and reveal the location of the sub-basement. She knew now without a doubt the lie was true. Very little bothered Michael. This did.

He went to see Madelaine without her. She waited outside in the hallway wondering why the hell Section was putting him through this. As far as she knew he had let go of the past, was trying to move on, even if it meant pretending nothing had ever happened. That wasn't healthy either, but this...?

Madelaine's door clicked open, and Michael walked out of it. He strode past not looking at her once.

"Come in Nikita." Madelaine's voice called out from beyond the door and she entered.

"Did you want to see Miachael and I together...?" Nikita sat down in the chair across from Madelaine who smiled softly.

"No, it wasn't necessary. You and Michael have played husband and wife once before...I'm sure you both know what is expected." They sat quietly for a few moments. Nikita twisted a strand of hair around her index finger distractedly and stared at Madelaine's polished desk. Fingerprints marked it, as though someone had been gripping the end of the desk.

"Why are you doing this to him..."

"Doing what to whom?"

"You know what I'm talking about Madelaine."

"Nikita, we understand that you feel...protective...towards Michael but he can take care of himself. There is a reason for everything we do here, even if you don't understand what it is. All you have to do Nikita, is be there for him. You will get the job done, and Michael will deal with whatever he has to. Michael is one of our best operatives Nikita. We won't allow his guilt to hold him back." Nikita looked up into Madelaine's eyes.

"Guilt...?" Madelaine leaned back in her chair, never once breaking their gaze.

"That will be all Nikita."

***********

"Losing a child is a painful thing..." The counselor was sympathetic. It was her job to be. She was also young. Nikita doubted that she had ever had first hand experience with this "painful thing". She was a kid fresh out of school, and she looked excited to be there despite the concern etched on her face. Nikita sank deeper into the couch beside Michael. She had been hesitant to go near him before the mission, sensing his need to be alone. But they were on the job now, and she took his hand in her lap, twining her fingers with his. He stared down at their hands as the counselor made the introductions.

Ceasal and his wife sat across from them on a similiar couch while the second couple, the Jonstons, sat beside them. The room was nicely decorated. It tried to make it's inhabitants feel comfortable and at home with its wood panneling and warm colors. The room was fake - it was trying to hard, like the counselor, who was vainly trying to get someone to tell their story - so "we could all share eachothers pain".

The Jonstons started first. The counselor, Melanie, looked relieved.

The Jonstons had lost their little girl in a car accident two months ago. A drunk driver had slammed into the back of their car. By the time it was over, the little girl and her car seat had ended up in the front seat, and her mother in the hospital. Henry, Mr. Jonston, told the story while his wife, Sara, sat beside him crying silently. Michael's fingers tightened around Nikita's, almost painfully tight. She looked at him. His jaw was clenched. Next it was the Donovan's turn. Their little boy had died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome half a year ago. Julia Donovan explained that she had been having trouble sleeping at night...that she felt responsible. When she broke down, her husband didn't move to comfort her.

Melanie shook her head sadly and looked at Nikita and Michael expectantly. It was their turn.

Nikita looked at Michael uncertainly before she began. He was still holding onto her tightly, staring at their hands.

"He was - "

"Four months old." Nikita glanced at Michael, surprised when he spoke. "He was four months old when he died...He was...so beautiful...he looked just like his mother..." His breath caught in his throat, and a muscle in his cheek clenched. A single tear slid down the side of his face. Nikita bit her lip, beginning to cry herself. She brought his hand up to her lips and held it there. Michael shook himself slightly and told Section's story.

"We only left him for a moment...He...had somehow gotten a piece of candy...he...choked to death..." He removed his hand from hers sharply. Melanie observed this with her folded hands positioned under her chin. She looked thoughtful.

The session ended soon after.

*****************************

When Nikita and Michael returned to the hotel it was already dark. He wouldn't talk to her. She ordered room service for dinner. He didn't eat anything. He sat out on the balcony, staring at the sky.

Nikita slipped into her nightgown, and layed down on top of the bed, facing the sliding doors. A soft warm wind entered through them carressing her body. She watched him watching the moon, the stars, untill she fell asleep.

************

The mist of rain on her face opened her eyes. She hadn't remembered falling asleep. She was still facing the sliding doors. They were still open. Michael still sat there on the balcony. His face was tilted up to the rain, his neck arched, water streaming down it into the collar of his white shirt. The material was plastered against his skin from the force of the rain.

She stood from the bed and slowly made her way out onto the balcony. She shivered as the rain slid down her body.

It was so cold. She called his name. He didn't hear. She reached out and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. He jumped as though she had burned him. She stared at his skin her hand had pressed against. She could see it through his shirt.

"Are you alright?"

"You keep asking me that."

"And you keep lying." He stared at her. His eyes were so green. She wanted to push the wet hair away from them to see them better. To see if those were tears and not rain.

"Go inside...You'll catch cold..."

"So will you." He didn't move. She impatiently put her hands on her hips.

"Look, I've already ruined this nightgown, the least you could do is come inside. If you want you can lock yourself in the batheroom...sit in the shower...whatever...at least you'll be warm...C'mon Michael" she said softly, not kidding anymore. "It's cold out here." He let her lead him back into the room, and stood beside the doors as she slid them shut. A huge puddle was forming at their feet on the carpet. The maid was NOT going to be happy. Nikita stepped away from him and wrung out her hair on her way to the bathroom. More water dripped onto the floor. She came back out with a towel and handed it to him. He took it from her, but didn't use it. She sat on the corner of the bed.

"What happens if you catch a cold...and then sneeze during a mission?" Michael handed the towel back to her.

"They cancell you." He walked to the bathroom and closed the door. A few seconds later she heard him turn on the shower. She used the towel on her own hair, and pulled the silk material of her nightgown away from her skin. She didn't have another one to change into.

She laid back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She wanted to talk to him. He didn't want to talk to her. She didn't want to push him. She wanted to help him through this, but he wouldn't let her. The water turned off. She waited for him to come out.

She stared at the bathroom door waiting for it to open. Ten minutes she waited before going to it and knocking gently. She rested her forehead against it and closed her eyes.

"Michael?" She said quietly, her lips brushing against the cool wooden frame. No answer. She hesitantly wrapped her fingers around the door knob and turned it. It wasn't locked. She pushed the door open a crack. Tendrils of steam snaked out and touched her face. "Michael?" She called him again, and waited. No answer. "Whether you're dressed or not I'm coming in..." She pushed the door open wider, and blinked at the sudden brightness of the white bathroom. He stood in front of the sink, his hands gripping either side of it. They seemed to be holding him up. He was naked except for a white towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Droplets of water still clung to his arms and dripped down his back from his hair. He didn't look at her when she entered, but stayed in that same defeated position, staring into the steam clouded mirror. The cool air from the open door behind them smoothed some of the cloudiness away until she appeared behind him in the mirror. She gazed at his reflection. His eyes were closed.

"You're scaring me Michael..." His shoulders sank as he took a deep breath and pushed himself away from the sink. He stood with his back against the wall looking at her silently, his lips parted. She came to him slowly and stood before him almost touching. She swallowed and carefully placed her shaking hand to the side of his face, gently brushing his damp hair away with her thumb.

"I want to help you..." She whispered. His hand rose slowly from his side and cupped her elbow before moving up the rest of her arm, his fingers trailing over her wrist, and sliding between hers. He pulled her hand away from his face.

"You can't." She watched him walk away from her. She followed him out of the bathroom. He stood in the middle of the room, staring at the bed.

"You should go to sleep..."

"So should you."

"I will...later..." She rubbed her eyes tiredly as she moved past him. There was nothing else she could do. He wouldn't let her in. She pulled the covers back on her side of the bed and slipped inside. She closed her eyes, but didn't sleep. She listened to him rummage in the dresser for clothes, go into the bathroom to change, come out of the bathroom. It felt like hours had passed before she felt him sink into the mattress beside her, so careful not to disturb her, to touch her. She didn't sleep untill his breath had stopped trembling and he was asleep.

************

She opened her eyes. It was still dark. Michael was moving beside her, his head thrashing back and forth on the pillow. His breath was coming in short gasps his mouth open and twisted in pain. His brow was furrowed, his eyes shut tight, and he was moaning something. Nikita reached out to touch him, to wake him from his nightmare. Her fingers hovered above his shoulder.

"No!" He shouted out in his sleep, and she yanked her hand back. Tears were streaming down his face, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. "No...Simone...don't...please... let me...let me..."

"Michael..." She gently shook him. "Wake up...you're dreaming...Michael...please..."

"...Simone...let me in...Simone..."

"Michael, please wake up!" She started to cry as she wrapped her arms around him, trying to calm him like a mother would...whispering gentle sshhh's in his ear, stroking his hair, kissing his forehead, untill he was quiet. She looked down at him as he slept in the cradle of her arms. She settled herself closer beside him, just in case he needed her and layed her head carefully on his shoulder, listening to the rythm of his breathing, listening for a change. She had hardly closed her eyes before morning's light crept through the window.

She felt his eyes on her before she opened hers. She was suddenly aware of how close she was to him. Her hand was splayed out over his abdomen, her stomach pressed against his hip, her lips against his neck. She knew he was awake, but he wasn't moving. She felt his arm around her back, his fingers in her hair. Pretending to still be asleep she rolled away from him, turning her back. She heard him rise a minute later and dress. He ordered breakfast to be brought up. Croissants, strawberries, and of course coffee.

He pulled the drapes back and sunlight poured into the room, hitting her full in the face. If she hadn't already been awake, she would have been annoyed at it. She watched him through her eyelashes. He stood in front of the glass doors, like last night, and held a cup of coffee to his lips.

"You can wake up now Nikita." He took a sip. She faked a yawn and lazily streched her arms over her head for effect.

"I was just about to." She mumbled sleepily.

"We have a session in two hours."

She paused a moment before saying tentatively, "You had a dream last night." He turned away form the window and looked at her.

"I'm sorry if I woke you..."

"What was it about Michael?"

"I don't remember."

"You were crying..talking..."

"What did I say?"

"You said 'let me in.'" He turned back to the doors.

"Get dressed Nikita." He finished his coffee, and set the cup down beside the plate of croissants. He picked up the paper there and began to read so he wouldn't have to talk to her anymore. She threw the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed. He glanced up at her for a moment. She stared into his eyes. THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T OVER YET. He looked back down at the paper. Apparently, it was.

************

"So what do you think of her?" Julia Donovan looked up at the sound of Nikita's voice and smiled softly.

"Who? Melanie?" Nikita nodded and sat down beside her on the couch. Melanie had decided to give them a break - which meant she had to call her boyfriend and tell him Chinese food tonight, not Mexican.

Mr. Donovan hadn't accompanied his wife to the day's session. It was probably a good thing. The first thirty minutes of the class involved laying down on the floor and doing breathing excercises to get the group to relax. The Johnston's were fine with this idea. Nikita and Julia had rolled their eyes at eachother, and when Melanie asked Michael if he'd like to participate he just stared at her.

"Yeah."

"She's...well...She's a bit of a flake isn't she?" Nikita laughed.

"Yes she is...what was that breathing thing all about?" Julia smiled.

"I don't know...it was like being in Lamas class all over again..." She looked down at her hands, resting neatly in her lap. "How...has it been for you and Michael...?"

"It's been hard to get up in the mornings..." She took a deep breath. "Michael won't talk to me anymore...He blames me for what happened..." Nikita felt the tears welling up in her eyes. "He was too quiet...When I went in to check on him...he wasn't breathing...he was dead..." Julia reached over and held Nikita's hand.

"I'm sorry" She said softly. "I...I know what it's like...I wanted to die when Jacob left us...I kept thinking it was my fault...I cried all the time...Ceasal, my husband...he suggested I do this...He didn't want to come with but I thought it would help bring us back together...I didn't think I could do this on my own...I might as well be..." Nikita squeezed her hand and looked over at Michael who was sitting alone on the other side of the room. His eyes were closed.

"I know the feeling."

"Look...would you and Michael like to join us for dinner sometime? We...don't have people over very often..not since the accident...but I think maybe we can help eachother..." Her voice faded, and Nikita smiled at her squeezing her hand again.

"We'd love to..." They both looked up as Melanie practically skipped back into the room. They looked at eachother.

Julia leaned over and whispered in Nikita's ear. "Where did they FIND this woman?"

************

Michael had another nightmare that night. It was worse than the last. When he woke up, it was sudden, like something had physically shook him awake. He ripped the covers away from him and stalked into the bathroom. She sat up in the bed and listened to him splash water on his face before reaching over and turning on the light. She went to the bathroom and stood in the doorway.

"Does this happen every night?" He shook his wet hands into the sink and angrily yanked the towel off its hook. He didn't answer her. "How do you sleep..." He threw down the towel after drying his hands and started to leave the bathroom.

"I don't." She grabbed his arm as he tried to pass her.

"We are talking about this."

"No we're not."

"Michael...maybe...maybe it will help..." She led him to the chair next to the bed, then sat down in front of him on the edge of it. "Have you ever...talked about what happened...? Because...that IS what your nightmares are about...isn't it...?"

He was silent.

"Michael...I know this is hard...I...I'm just trying to help..." For a long while he didn't say anything. He stared at the floor.

His eyes were shining when he finally looked up at her, and his voice shook when he spoke.

"She wouldn't...open the door."

"Who Michael?"

"Simone...she..."

"What...?"

"She killed him..." Nikita stared at him. "Section was going to...recruit him...train him when he got a little older...he was going to be an experiment...my son..." His breath left him in one shuddering gasp. "Simone found out somehow...She came home...and she told me...We were going to talk to them in the morning...He started to cry in the middle of the night...I left the room to get him his bottle...Simone locked the door behind me...He was crying...Simone was crying...I kept pounding on the door untill my hands bled...and then he was quiet..."

"Michael..."

"She held a pillow over his face...she said she couldn't let them turn our child into one of us...she said she was trying to protect him...to save him..." He brought his hands to his face and cried into them. "I didn't get to say goodbye...I didn't tell him I love him..."

"Michael..." He held up a hand to stop her from coming too close.

"A few months later...Simone was sent on a mission..."

"Glass Curtain..."

"She asked for backup...I said it wasn't necessary..."

"No...Michael no..."

"I forgave her...for what she did...I understand WHY she did it...she died thinking I hated her..."

Nikita came to him, and wrapped her arms around him. He let her, and cried into her shoulder as she held him. That was all she could do. She kissed his forehead, the tears on his cheeks. He rested his head against her breast his arms around her waist, hers around his shoulders.

"I'm so sory Michael..." She didn't know what else to say.

************

(*"Wait" is by Sarah McLachlan - but I'm sure most of you already knew that...;)*)

"Under a blackened sky far beyond the glaring streetlights...
sleeping on empty dreams...
the vultures lie in wait...
You lay down beside me then...
you were with me every waking hour...
so close I could feel your breath...

When all we wanted was the dream...
to have and to hold that precious little thing...
like every generation yields a newborn hope unjaded by their years..."

He was sleeping soundly beside her. She watched his chest rise and fall, counted the time between each breath, gazed at his parted lips that had trembeled under the weight of his own words. Such...pain...

She turned to her side, facing him. He would regret telling her, because now she knew too much about him...she knew he hurt...

"Pressed up against the glass,
I found myself wanting sympathy...
but to be consumed again...
Oh I know it would be the death of me...

And there is a love that's inherently given...
the kind of blindness offered to decieve...
and in that light of forbidden joy...
I know I won't recieve it...

When all we wanted was the dream...
to have and to hold that precious little thing...
like every generation yields a newborn hope unjaded by their years..."

She carressed the side of his face, the slope of his cheekbone, marvelling at how this very face had kept so much hidden...had kept so much inside, never revealing the anguished man hiding behind the mask of coldness...

His lips kissed her fingertips in his sleep. She reluctantly pulled them away and curled back over to her side of the bed.

"You know if I leave you now it doesn't mean that I love you any less...
It's just the state I'm in...
I can't be good to anyone else like this...

When all we wanted was the dream...
to have and to hold that precious little thing...
like every generation yields a newborn hope unjaded by their years..."

Michael opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He could feel her beside him, could feel the curve of her silk-clad back against his arm. He shouldn't have told her...shouldn't have let her make him relive the worst moment in his entire life...

Still...a weight had somehow been lifted...He felt almost...peaceful lying there beside her. He turned his head to look at her. The moonlight spilling from the window outlined her body in light. He wanted to touch that light...He wanted to feel it under his fingertips, to be sure he wasn't dreaming...to be sure that his heart was not as heavy as it had once been...

He pulled his hand away and turned back to stare at the ceiling.

************

"Can you help me with this zipper?" Nikita gathered up her hair and piled it on top of her head, turning her back to Michael. He came to her and slowly pulled the zipper up the length of her back.

"You look...nice." Nikita shrugged and clicked a bracelet shut over her wrist.

"It's not my dress...Madelaine packed it."

"What time are they expecting us?"

"Ahhh...she said seven."

"Good."

They had just gotten back from (hopefully) their last session. They were going to the Donovan's home for dinner. By tomorrow it would be over. They would go back to Section. Back to their seperate lives. He would ignore her, she was sure, just to make up for having told her so much. She glanced over at him. He was watching her. His tie was crooked. She automatically reached out to straighten it. He caught her hands as they closed around the material.

"Thank you." She stared back into his eyes.

"Anytime." Silence. His hands were still around hers.

"We should go..."

"Yeah..." His lips wre so close...she thought he was going to -

"Now..."

He dropped her hands quickly, and picked up his coat by the door. He opened it for her. She stared at him before picking up her purse and passing through it. She sighed.

"Right Michael..."

"I'm sorry Ceasal couldn't be here tonight..." Julia smiled apologetically, and opened the front door for them. "...business you know..."

"That's alright." Nikita smiled back as Michael helped her with her jacket. "Dinner was lovely...We should do it again sometime...Michael and I will take you and your husband out..."

"That'd be nice...Thank you for coming Nikita, Michael..."

Michael thanked her for the invitation, and led Nikita out onto the porch. They made their way to the car as Julia closed the door behind them.

Michael opened the car door for her and she slipped inside. She watched as he crossed to the other side of the car and got in. He looked at her in the darkness, and pulled the key out of his pocket, He slipped it into the ignition, but didn't turn it on. Nikita widened her eyes innocently and asked in mock seriousness,

"Why...what's WRONG Michael?"

He looked up from the key amd said with a slight smile, "There's something wrong with the car...It won't START..."

"Oh that's HORRIBLE honey...I suppose we should go back inside and tell Mrs. Donovan..."

"Yes darling, let's do that..."

*******************************

"That's too bad about your car..." Julia pressed he knuckles to her lips. "You can call Triple A...but who knows when they'll finally decide to show up..."

"It's pretty late..." Nikita said, stifling a yawn. Michael stood by her silently, leaving her to do all the work. Julia was quiet for a moment, then looked up and smiled.

"Here..why don't you two spend the night? Ceasal will be back tomorrow...he can take a look at your car...or we can call Triple A tomorrow morning so we won't have to stay up all night WAITING - "

"If you're sure you don't mind..." Julia waved her hand dismissively.

"No, no...it's no trouble. I'll have Sarah fix up the guest room..." Nikita turned to Michael, eyebrows raised, as Julia went to find the maid. WE'RE IN...

************

"Sarah's room is right next to the guest room, so if you need anything just let her know..."

"I'm sure we'll be fine...Thank you for your hospitality..." Michael cupped a hand under Nikita's elbow. Julia smiled at her and said goodnight. They watched her turn down the hall before Michael closed the door. Nikita stepped away from him to the bed. She flopped down onto it and stared at the ceiling.

"That was easy..." Michael took off his jacket, and dropped it over the back of the chair. She propped herself up on her elbows, and looked at him. He pulled at the knot of his tie absently. "What now?"

He tossed the tie onto the chair as well, then leaned against the door, his arms folded over his chest. "We wait untill they fall asleep."

***********************************

They waited untill two in the morning before leaving the bedroom. Whe Julia had shown them to the guest room she had casually pointed out the door to her husband's office. It was right down the hall.

Michael stopped in front of the door, and Nikita continued down to the end of the hallway to stand watch. She saw him go down on his knees and fiddle with the lock out of the corner of her eye.

She heard the sound of the refridgerator door closing in the kitchen around the corner. Michael stood and motioned to her. She quietly ran down the hall to him. They wouldn't have time to slip back into their room without being seen if the person was coming down their hallway. Nikita saw the maid's shadow on the wall a second before she threw her arms around Michael and pressed him against the office door. She kissed his open mouth urgently, her fingers tangling in his dark hair. His own hands immediately circled around her waist before traveling down her hip and caressing her thigh.

They jumped away from eachother guiltily as the maid entered the hallway.

Sarah stared at them, her face red. She wore pink bunny slippers, and was holding a cup of steaming liquid. She stammered an apology and said she couldn't sleep so she had made herself some tea.

"We couldn't sleep either..." Nikita giggled and kissed the underside of Michael's jaw. "We thought we'd get some ice cream..." Michael pulled her body back against his, and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Chocolate." he said, and nipped at her ear. The maid smiled briefly before edging past them into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her. Nikita grinned and stepped away from Michael. He returned to the lock. A second later it popped open.

"You can go back to the room." He whispered. "I'll be out in a minute." He closed the door behind him. Nikita looked around at all the closed doors surrounding her. At least the kitchen was open. She decided she wanted some ice cream after all.

Michael was waiting for her when she got back to the room. She closed the door behind herself and turned to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over his clasped hands.

"Where did you go?" She wordlessly lifted her bowl of ice cream, and stuck the spoon back into it. He smiled briefly, and tiredly rubbed his eyes.

"It's done", he said. "The files have been erased..." She nodded and sat on the chair, on top of his jacket. She scooped a mouthful of chocolate ice cream into her mouth. She watched him as he stared straight ahead at the closed door.

"Are you okay Michael?" He was quiet a moment before answering.

"I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"About my son...I've been trying not to think about him for the past three years ...and since last night...I haven't been able to think of anything else..."

"You know it's not your fault..." He was silent. "Michael...?"

"I know...", he said softly. "It still..."

"Hurts."

"Yes Nikita. It hurts."

She stood from her chair and sat down beside him on the bed. She held out the bowel to him. He shook his head no.

"It's GOOD Michael." She took his hands and put the bowel into them. "You were the one who suggested chocolate...The maid thinks we're in here eating ice cream...lets not disappoint her..."

"That's not what she thinks we're doing."

Nikita stared at him, her eyebrows raised. She smiled.

"You're tired..."

He raised a hand to touch the side of her face. His skin was cool from holding the ice cream. He leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips against hers, barely a kiss.

"Yes." He said softly. His lips touched hers again. "I'm very...tired..." He tilted her chin up with his fingertips and kissed her gently - soft at first, then harder. She let herself be consumed by him, by his mouth, his hands - He pulled away suddenly. She opened her eyes.

"What..."

"I'm going to drop this..." He took the bowel into the bathroom and left it next to the sink. He stood in the doorway looking at her sitting on the bed waiting for him.

He came to her, and knelt down beside the bed. He rested his hand on her knee, scratching it gently with his fingernails. She closed her eyes as his hand moved up under the hem of her dress, sliding along her skin. He kissed her waiting mouth, his other hand following the first.

"Michael..." He brought his lips to the base of her throat, tasting her skin.

"Do you want this to stop..."

She closed her eyes, twisting her fingers in his long hair. She pulled him away. He stared at her. They were both breathing hard.

"It should..." She whispered. He nodded slowly and stood. She watched him move away from her, to the other side of the bed. He layed down on it, far away from her.

She went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. It didn't help. She looked down at the bowel of melted ice cream. She turned off the light.

***********

"Triple A" came in the morning. Michael called for it after breakfast. The call went straight to Section where they sent some of their people out to "fix" the car. It didn't take long.

Julia handed Nikita a cup of coffee while Michael spoke with the men.

"What was wrong with it?"

"Oh, I dunno...I think the ignition was jammed or something..." She smiled. "I don't have an ear for mechanics..." She nodded at Harlin, a new recruit, who was looking over the car one last time. "...Unless one who looks like that is talking..."

Julia laughed, and widened her eyes in agreement.

"If I wasn't happily married..." Nikita turned to her, serious.

"Are you Julia?" She sighed, and took a sip of her own coffee.

"Sometimes I am, and sometimes I'm not. It was better before I got pregnant. Ceasal never wanted a baby...but...it still hurt him when he died." She paused uncertainly. "You said...you and Michael were having problems too...Has it gotten any better?"

Nikita looked over at Michael, who was still talking to the "mechanic". He glanced up at her, and looked away quickly.

She bit her lip, and finished up the last of her coffee. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

"No." Julia looked at her, then at Michael.

"At least...your husband loves you back...that's something."

"Does he?"

"I should say so..."

"How do you know?" Julia smiled wistfully.

"It's the way he looks at you...Ceasal used to look at me that way..."

"And he doesn't anymore?"

"No...not anymore."

Michael came up to them. The car was fixed and ready to go. He thanked Julia again before going to wait in the car.

Nikita hugged her, when she said goodbye. She knew she'd never see her again.

"Good luck Julia..."

"You too Nikita."

***********

He was silent all the way back to the hotel. She didn't try to talk to him, but packed her bag quickly and quietly. They drove back to Section and reported their success. Michael was called into Madelaine's office. Nikita figured she would be next, but didn't want to talk to anyone while she waited. She decided to go to Michael's office.

She stood there in the darkness, looking out of his window through the slitted blinds, imagining what it was like to be him. To be so silent...so alone...so dark.... She sat down in his chair, and felt it mold against her back. She watched Birkoff as he sat at his terminal. The light from his computer bathed his face in a soft watery blue. His lips were parted in exhalation, his eyes completely focused on the screen, his fingers flying across the keyboard. He looked so young...She wondered where his parents were...She wondered if they thought he was dead.

The door opened, and Nikita jumped up from the chair guiltily. Michael faltered when he saw her. "Madelaine wants to see you."

"I know." She scooted past him out the door, and quickly trotted down the hall to Madelaine's office. Madelaine looked up when she entered and smiled warmly.

"Nikita...sit down...how are you?" Nikita shrugged and slumped down into the chair.

"Fine." Madelaine was quiet for a moment, before she began.

"You've done a good job Nikita."

"With what?"

"With helping Michael."

"I didn't do ANYTHING..."

"You were there. That was enough." Madelaine laced her fingers together on top of the desk. "You and Michael are close..." Nikita snorted.

"No. We're not." Madelaine paused, looking her straight in the eye.

"Keep it that way."

"Were you really going to take his child?" She didn't know where the question came from. It flew out of her mouth before she could stop it. The question didn't phase Madelaine. She barely blinked when she answered.

"It wasn't my decision to make, but yes. I believe it was considered."

Nikita stood abruptly and stepped away from the desk.

"Are we finished?"

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"

"No."

"Then yes, we're finished. Have a nice evening Nikita." She turned and all but ran out the door. She couldn't get out fast enough.

************

(*"Black & White", "Witness", and "Angel" - all by Sarah...*)

"Unravel me...a distant cord...
on the outside is forgotten...
a constant need to get along...
and the animal awakens...
and all I feel is black and white...

The road is long...the memmory slides...
to the whole of my undoing...
put aside...
I put away...
I push it back to get through each day...
and all I feel is black and white...
and I'm wound up small and tight...
and I don't know who I am..."

A knock on her door. Nikita stretched off the last of her drowsiness on the couch before standing and going to answer it.

She had been trying to relax for the last hour. Nothing was working - she was too bothered. She looked through the peephole, sighed, and rested her head against the door, closing her eyes tiredly.

"I don't have any coffee..." He didn't answer. Nikita opened her eyes. Did he LEAVE?! She whipped open the door in disbelief and stopped. Michael was still there in the hallway. He held a brown paper bag in his hand. "What's that?"

"Ice cream."

"Coffee ice cream..." The corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

"No. Chocolate."

"Oh. Well in that case come in." She turned away from the door into the kitchen and pulled out two spoons as he locked the door behind them. He took the ice cream out of the bag and opened it. Nikita stuck the two spoons into it and leaned back against the counter, folding her arms across her chest.

"You came all the way over here to bring me ice cream?"

"No...I came to apologize."

"For what?"

"For pushing you away..." Nikita scooped up some ice cream and slipped it into her mouth as she moved away from him into the living room.

"I pushed YOU away first...I wish I hadn't." The silence stretched loud and long between them...louder than the song on her stereo that she had forgotten was even on...

"Make me a witness...take me out...out of darkness...out of doubt...I won't weigh you down...with good intentions...won't make fire out of clay...or other inventions..."

"I owe you a dance..."

"Do you?"

"The last time I was here I wasn't in the mood..."

"But you are now...?"

"Will we burn in heaven...like we do down here...will the change come while we're waiting...everyone is waiting..."

She was feeling strange...like she was all charged up...electric...she nearly jumped out of her skin when he put his hands around her waist.

"And when we're done...soul searching...and we carried the weight and died for a cause...is misery...made beautiful...right before our eyes...will mercy be revealed..or blind us where we stand..."

They stopped moving. Michael lifted his hand and caressed the side of her face almost lovingly, brushing the corner of her mouth with his thumb.

"Will we burn in heaven...like we do down here...will the change come while we're waiting...everyone is waiting..."

He cupped her face in his hands, leaned forward and paused.

"Do you want me to stop...?" She didn't answer, but kissed him instead, her fingers curling under his colar, pulling him as close as possible.

"You taste like chocolate." He breathed against her lips and kissed her back, his tongue tracing the outline of her mouth.

She pulled away for breath and he dipped his head down her neck, brushing his lips across her breastbone. He unbuttoned the first button on her blouse...then the second...

She buried her hands in his hair pressing him to her, closing her eyes, biting her lips as his hands roamed over her body.

His fingers lingered on the final button. She undid it for him, and he pushed the material off her shoulders as well as her bra strap, and he kissed the skin that had been covered by it.

She shoved his jacket off and broke their kiss long enough to pull his shirt off. Her fingers danced across his abdomin, played with the buckle of his pants.

He layed her down on the cushions, and gazed down on her body, his hair falling into his eyes, his fingers stroking her throat, the lace at her breasts...

She closed her eyes under his touch...

(*Again, the backround song "Angel" belongs to Sarah*)

A knock on her door.

Nikita sat up in her bed breathing hard. It had been a dream. It took her a moment to realize that. She shoved the covers back, completely disoriented, and shuffled to the door, rebuttoning her pajama top. She looked through the peephole and sighed. Deja vu...

She pulled the door open and leaned against it tiredly.

"I don't have any coffee Michael."

"Can I come in?" She shrugged and stepped away from the door. Her head was swimming and her cheeks were hot. It felt strange to see him after her dream. She was overcome by the irrational fear that he would know she had been dreaming about him just by looking at her.

"I wanted to apologize about the other night...I should have never initiated..." She stared at him as he trailed off.

You're apologizing for wanting me....

She swallowed painfully and looked at the floor.

"Why did you?" He looked out her window even though there was nothing there. It was safer than looking her in the eye.

"I let myself forget who we are..."

"And that was bad." He looked at her.

"No...it... You reminded me. Thank you."

"Forget about it." Silence. "Why did you really come here?"

"I told you...to apologize..."

"At three in the morning? What do you really want Michael?" He turned to the window again, and she leaned against the back of the couch waiting for his answer.

"I couldn't sleep...I felt...like I was missing something..."

"What?"

"You. I missed...not being alone...and having you beside me...having you be the first thing I see in the morning..." He finally looked into her eyes. "And I wanted to thank you for...helping me...I never trusted anyone enough to tell them what happened that night...Nobody knows but you." Nikita came to him and hesitently touched his shoulder. He looked down at her hand and then into her eyes again. "I'm glad I told you."

"Spend all your time waiting...
for that second chance...
for a break that would make it okay...
There's always some reason...
to feel not good enough...
And it's hard at the end of the day...
I need some distraction...
Oh, beautiful release...
Memmory seep from my veins...
Let me be empty...
oh and weightless and maybe...
I'll find some peace tonight..."

"Can you stay...for a while?"

"In the arms of the angel...
fly away from here...
from this dark cold hotel room...
and the endlessness that you fear...
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie...
You're in the arms of the angel...
may you find some comfort here..."

He layed down beside her on the bed, facing her and gazing into her eyes. She put her arms around him, holding him close.

"So tired of the straight line...
And everywhere you turn...
there's vultures and theives at you back...
The storm keeps on twisting...
keep on building the lies...
that you make up for all that you lack...
It don't make no difference...
escaping one last time...
It's easier to believe...
in this sweet madness...
oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees..."

She had fallen asleep with her hand over his heart. He gazed down on her sleeping face and kissed her forehead gently before closing his eyes, knowing she'd be the first thing he would see in the morning.

"In the arms of the angel...
fly away from here...
from this dark cold hotel room...
and the endlessness you fear...
you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie...
you're in the arms of the angel...
may you find some comfort here..."

The End

Send suggestions and comments to ranma.
OR
If you would like to send a comment to Circe, click HERE!