The lyrics are Toad The Wet Sprocket's song Dam Would Break from the CD Coil.

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It was when he was alone, that Michael finally let himself think about the events that had so recently taken place. In the dark, when he tried to get some desperately needed rest, the thoughts he hid from would slowly work their way into his head, like thieves in the night.

They had ordered him to poison her. It had cost him a lot not to refuse the profile. The only reason he had agreed, was that his participation had allowed him to at least maintain some control over the situation -- at least that's what he told himself...

is it this place that makes me fall from you
forget the words that once rang so true
did we expect that life was ever fair, my god...

When it came down to it though, he hadn't been able to do it. He couldn't hurt her like that -- not one who ... . A ridiculous thought entered his mind unbidden and caused him to let out a hollow sound. The marriage had been a lie -- a mission that had left the innocents involved, more grievously wounded, than the intended target.

He’d attempted to soothe himself with the knowledge that she would never know. That Elana would never find out about Section and to what lengths they had gone to bring down her father. Section supplied a plausible explanation. Elana was given a story of how one of her father’s enemies had tracked her down through hospital records and had most likely planned to kidnap her as revenge . That her father had been there, would be called a twist of fate. She was told that she was very lucky to still be alive; that her husband hadn't been so fortunate.

He’d thought the cover story cruel, in that it would leave Elana with the belief that she had been responsible for the deaths of her husband and father. The guilt that he knew Elana would bear over their deaths and her own survival, tore at his heart. Madeline had been particularly malicious in building that scenario, but Michael felt that he'd had little recourse. Perhaps the cover story was some sort of punishment for his previous attempt to save Elana. He didn't really want to know.

He had always known that it was a mission, and that like any other mission, it would come to an end . The illusion however, had been so real, so close to a fantasy he’d buried deep inside of him -- a dream of having a 'normal' life. He'd harbored this unspoken fantasy while with Simone and when she died, he’d thought his fantasy had too. This mission however, had rekindled his dream and awakened an aching need to share it with Nikita, outside of the mission profile.

I sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod
and everything I've held to tight inside
could make a part of me die
and if my lips could only speak the name
the dam would break

The knowledge that Section would never willingly let him have that sort of happiness, had torn at his heart . It had left him open and unprotected against the final stab of Section’s knife ; the loss of Adam, his son.

Adam wasn't supposed to have happened . A baby hadn't been a part of the mission profile. The memory of Elana's happiness when she'd told him that she was pregnant played through his mind. The love that had shone in her eyes and her excitement over carrying his child, had almost been too much for him.

The way Operations and Madeline had looked when he had told them of the pregnancy, haunted him the most. To them, the child was an unexpected asset. Adam would become Section's hold over Michael. Something to threaten him with, if needed. Before Adam was born, Michael searched desperately for a way out, a way to leave Elana and the mission. He'd frantically sought to find a way to spare her from Section's plans, but in the end, he’d failed.

For that reason alone, he had tried to force himself not to care -- not to look forward to the birth. He promised himself that he would stay cold and indifferent to the child. He managed to convince himself that he could play the role of a family man, without getting emotionally involved. He had actually thought then, that the plan was a possibility. Now, however, he couldn't decide if that belief had been incredibly arrogant, or just plain stupid.

what is this ice that gathers 'round my heart
to stop the flood of warmth before it even starts
it would make me blind to what I thought would always be
the only constant in the world for me

As it turned out he had grossly misjudged the impact Adam’s birth would have on him. The promises he'd made to himself had proved to be worth nothing. When he had held the small body of the newborn baby, he had felt a love so strong it almost hurt.

He had later found out that love for a child did hurt. All of a parent’s fears often squeezed his heart, making it beat impossibly fast at the dangerous situations that could and did occur. Diaper rash, colic, the light pinch of a zipper to hastily drawn ... all things that would make Adam cry and make Michael think that the boy were in deadly danger.

Now he had lost Adam forever. Michael had lost the most precious thing he’d ever had in his dark life.

Madeline had told him that Elana was physically well . He knew that she and his son had been relocated and would be provided for. He also knew that the Section would never let him have information on their whereabouts. For him to know, would lessen their value as hostages. And that was what they truly were -- unwitting hostages to be used against him if necessary.

and every hour of every day
I need to fight from pulling away
and if my mind would only loose the chain
the dam would break
for all the things I hid away
and all the words I could not say

He had lost his family...

When that thought had finally made its way into his head, he broke. Michael began to sob quietly. He could feel the sharp pieces of his shattered heart shred him inside. And his grief grew to become the sound of a man that had lost everything.

the dam would break

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