That kiss had hit him like a jolt of electricity. Deep in his heart he had known it would. It was his soul that was totally surprised about the effect of that kiss. The surprise was that it had awakened his soul. A part of him that he believed had ceased to exist over ten years ago. Yet, this young woman, this waif, this light in an overly dark world had deigned to share some of that light with him. It had been only one kiss. It had not been a kiss which was given freely by this angel. He had stolen it, just like the devil he knew he was. Just as Section had stolen his soul those many years ago. But she had unselfishly shared that light with him. He would be forever grateful for it.

Michael knew that Madeline had intended Nikita to be his material as a distraction from his problems and from his quest for self-destruction. She could not possibly have realized what a strong impact Nikita would have in Michael’s life. If she had known, she would have done everything in her power to keep them apart, not put them together. This faux pas of Madeline’s was something which Michael wished to keep hidden from both her and Operations. This knowledge gave Michael an upper hand that no other operative had ever had on the two heads of Section One, except maybe for Jurgen. He had still never found out what sort of stronghold Jurgen had over Operations and Madeline, but Michael knew a good manipulation when he saw one.

He had to get a grip on his self-control. He knew he could not let anyone see his reaction to Nikita. Especially Nikita. Madeline and Operations finding out he was utterly and completely attracted to Nikita would be bad enough, but if she figured it out, he would never be able to control her. That was his job. After all, controlling her. He must make her Section, no matter how it pained him to do so. He hoped she would be able to keep her heart, her soul, her light. He knew he would be devastated if anything destroyed that light. Especially if he were the one to destroy it.

When he had broken the kiss he had promised her he would never do that to her again unless she asked for it. God he hoped that someday she would ask, and that he would be free to give her what she wanted. At this point he knew that neither was ready for it. He hoped that someday he would not have the constraints which now stood in his way. He knew that if he let his heart go and follow its own wants, needs, and desires, he would fall so deeply in love with Nikita that he would drown in it. His head knew what his heart refused to listen to. The Vachek mission must be completed before he lost himself entirely in Nikita. He would not ruin what he knew could be extremely special with Nikita if only he were free to follow through on it. Someday, he thought.

For three years he had lived his life split in two. First the two halves had been his Section half and the half that lived with and married Simone. Those two halves had been difficult to separate since Simone was also involved in his Section life. Later the two halves had been his Section half and the half that was married to Elena and was raising his son Adam, always portraying the happily-married/father/businessman. Now however, Michael was split in three: his Section self, which must be totally ruthless; his family-man self which must be loving and devoted; and his secret self which he kept locked up in his soul, in a dark corner where no one else could see and no one else had a right to touch it. This secret compartment in his soul, where he kept the true Michael, the only part of him that was still him, was where he placed the light that Nikita shared with him in that one kiss.

This light was something that would always push at the walls of the boundaries in Michael’s soul. It was always pushing to be free, to shine for all the world to see. Michael hoped with his whole heart and soul that someday he could grant the wish of this light to allow it to shine. Maybe one day when he was head of Section One and Nikita was his Madeline he could let it show and dare anyone to challenge it. But that was a long way off in the distance. For now all he could hope for was to get Nikita through her training and make her the best operative he could. Eventually, together, they would get their chance and the light of their love would no longer have any boundaries and would be free to spread itself to anyone willing to let it into their souls.

*************

Michael knew that if he was to survive this assignment and if her were going to keep his Kita (he had already started calling her this in his mind) to survive, he must keep his emotions in check. To that end, he coldly ordered “Come, we have work to do.” Nikita had responded by snapping her heels to attention and saluting him as she marched out of the door in front of him. Michael massaged his upper lip with a finger to hide the grin that was threatening to break out across his face. He knew from this point that this would definitely be his most trying assignment.

The first day of training for Nikita was very much like the first for many. She went through the same routine as every other operative and she performed everything required of her well. The part that made this day different, from Michael’s point of view, was that the light that radiated from her shone upon everyone she came in contact with. They couldn’t help but smile when she walked into a room. No matter the horrors of Section that awaited everyone. Michael rather enjoyed the day, surreptitiously of course. No one in Section could ever find out how much he enjoyed spending time with Nikita.

The one who was most taken with Nikita was the old reprobate Walter. Michael knew that this would be the case. Walter had been eyeing every female operative that had ever come through Section One and this one was no different. Michael almost burst out laughing to watch the old man panting after Nikita. He needn’t have worried; Nikita could definitely hold her own against Walter. She gave as good as she got and Michael realized that the two would quickly become close friends. Friendship was not something that was often fostered within Section One but Michael knew in his heart that nothing ill would come from this friendship.

Birkoff, in the other hand, was a lovesick puppy dog from the first time he laid eyes on Nikita. Michael knew that if Nikita had any sense she would use it to her advantage if ever she needed information. Birkoff was the resident whiz kid and if something was going on in Section, he was the one to know about it. Michael had used the wunderkind on numerous occasions in the past and was always amazed at the fount of information the youngster always proved to be. Nikita could always use her charm with Birkoff, whereas Michael had to rely on intimidation. Either way, knowledge would be gained.

After working with Birkoff and learning about systems, and with Walter, learning about weapons, the dreaded time for Michael arrived. Nikita, always inquisitive, asked, “Where are we going?” “To meet your new mother, Nikita.” “And what if I don’t want a new mother?” came her caustic reply. “ It’s simple, Nikita, Row eight, plot thirty.” Nikita just stared at Michael for a second not fully comprehending what he had said. Michael slowly opened a folder, which he had been carrying. Inside of it was a picture of a gravesite. “The world thinks you are dead. Suicide. This is your funeral. We have decided to give you another chance. Here is where you will train; here is where you will learn. If all goes well, you will work for us.”

“What if I don’t want to work for you?”spat Nikita.

“Simple. Row eight, plot thirty.”

Nikita gulped and walked through the door to meet her “mother”.

*************

When Nikita walked into Madeline’s lair, the door closed silently behind her. She turned frightened eyes to look at Michael, but he was not there. He had been given orders to escort Nikita to Madeline’s office and then leave. As the door shut, Michael placed one hand on it. Whether it was to lend Nikita his strength for her upcoming confrontation with Madeline, or an unconscious effort to reach out to his light, Michael would never know. He turned silently and walked to his office.

Madeline had graciously allowed that her office be viewed on the monitors in Michael’s office so he could at least watch what was going on. Madeline had purposefully left Nikita alone in her office to see if she could unnerve her. Nikita calmly walked around Madeline’s office, picking up, and replacing various knickknacks. She was always careful to replace things in the exact place she had picked them up from. As if something out of place would cause her to be berated as if she were still a small child. Madeline found this habit interesting and wondered if she was as careful with her own things. Michael wondered the same thing as he watched from his office.

Nikita froze in her meandering as she realized a woman had entered the room. Madeline gave Nikita her best Mona Lisa smile, “they seem to think you have potential.” Nikita was at first surprised at the elegance and erotic presence, which was exuded by Madeline. Michael inched closer to his monitor. He was very interested in Nikita’s reaction to Madeline. As it turned out it was very similar to his own. “Who’s they? Who are you?” was Nikita’s reply to Madeline’s comment. Michael thought in the privacy of his office, Yes!! Now we are going to have some fun.

Madeline and Nikita began to have a rather interesting repartee. Michael kicked back in his chair, placed his feet on his desk and watched amused. “I’m Madeline. They are Section One. They own you now.” Nikita strolled across the room to inspect Madeline’s bonsai trees. “I didn’t know I was for sale.” Michael had to laugh at that comment and at the look on Madeline’s face before she managed to school her features again. She had apparently never heard anyone put it so bluntly before. Score one for Nikita, thought Michael.

Madeline regained her composure. “You’re a very pretty girl. Let me see you smile.” Nikita refused. Madeline just smiled. “Sometimes I forget… It takes time. Doesn’t it?” Madeline pulled a chair in front of a vanity mirror. “Please, sit down.” Nikita again refused, remaining defiant. Michael laughed out loud at that in his office. Madeline will have her hands full today he mused to himself. Michael tensed as Madeline moved closer to Nikita. He wondered if she would strike out at Madeline as she had at him earlier. Madeline spoke, almost in a whisper, as if she were gentling a spooked horse. “You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you…? Unfortunately you have no choice. If you want to live it has to be on their terms. So please… do sit down?” Michael was mildly surprised as Nikita allowed Madeline to lead her to the chair and sat down. Madeline crouched down next to Nikita so that both women were reflected in the mirror. “Look at yourself, admire yourself, see your beauty, let yourself feel it… You can learn to shoot, you can learn to fight… But there is no weapon as powerful as your femininity, your charm…, your eyes.” Michael vaguely remembered back to when he had heard a similar litany delivered to him; not by Madeline of course, but by Victoria. Victoria had been well trained by Madeline, Michael thought. Madeline picked up a brush and gently started brushing the knots out of Nikita’s hair. Michael could tell from the look in her eyes that no one had ever touched Nikita so gently and in such a tender way before. He wished fervently that it could be him brushing her hair. Madeline whispered, “we are your family now Nikita.” A tear slipped down Michael’s cheek as he watched Madeline begin spinning her web.

************

The next day, Michael arranged for Nikita to train with Walter. Michael knew that he could have taught Nikita everything she needed to know, after all it was one of his areas of expertise. But, Michael, if he were to be honest with himself, enjoyed watching Nikita interact with others. He also was afraid that he would not be able to control his wants and needs where Nikita was concerned. This time he did not watch from his office however. He remained quietly in a corner and the two main characters in today’s little play completely forgot he was there.

Nikita and Walter were sitting on a workbench. Spread out between them were a key chain, eyeglasses, paper clips, credit cards, rings and several other odds and ends. Walter spread his hands to indicate all the items displayed. “Every one of these is a weapon.” Nikita was recalcitrant again today and was refusing to pay attention. In an instant Walter grabbed a credit card between his fingers and sliced it across Nikita’s throat. A thin line of blood appeared on her neck. “an inch deeper, you’d be dead. Pay attention.” Nikita wiped the blood from her neck, looked at it and smiled, “you pay attention, you’re the one who missed by an inch.” Walter sighed, “Michael wouldn’t have, and we both know it.”

Michael was lost in thought after this comment from Walter. He knew that this was the view of all the other operatives in Section One. He was the top dog. The most feared of all operatives. There were times in his life within Section that this view had saved his life. Several times, the reputation had stopped better men from challenging him for his position. He knew it. He used it to his advantage. Often. Sometimes too often he thought. Now was one of those moments he wished his reputation would not precede him. He wanted Nikita to judge him for herself, not from some preconceived rumors and innuendos. He feared what her personal appraisal might be but at least it would be based on her own observations. Michael knew that no matter how fervently he wished for this, it would never happen. Michael mistakenly underestimated the power of the woman he considered his light. She was very adept at perceiving the qualities of other human beings. Michael need not have worried about his reputation preceding him. Nikita only took stock in what she observed for herself.

Michael watched intently as Walter eventually won Nikita over to his side. He began teaching her how all of his little high-tech gadgets worked as well as some good old-fashioned basics. This was the sort of relationship Michael wanted to foster with Nikita, where he could joke and play around. He knew it would never happen. After Nikita had mastered Walter’s gadgets, the old reprobate winked at her and said, “Listen, the lessons don’t have to stop here, if you know what I mean. My office is right down the corridor.” He wrote something down and handed it to Nikita. “And this is my beeper number.” Nikita just rolled her eyes and laughed. Michael pushed himself away from the wall. It was time to move on to their next stop.

*************

The afternoon stop, after lunch in Section’s cafeteria, was at Birkoff’s station. The 18-year-old had just recently taken over control of communications from Simon. The kid was a genius and he worshipped the ground that Michael walked on. Again Michael sat back and allowed Nikita to interact with Birkoff. Birkoff began demonstrating at a console for Nikita. Nikita was even less interested in this topic that she was in weaponry. She was chewing gum and twirling it around her finger. Birkoff was getting very annoyed. “Wanna turn down the volume on the gum?” Nikita proceeded to pop a bubble with her gum. Birkoff turned to Michael. “We’re wasting our time…, this piece of street garbage is never gonna get this.” Michael just shrugged his shoulders and kept watching. To Nikita, Birkoff said, “This is how you get the file key.” Birkoff tapped a few more keys. She still refused to pay attention. “Listen, babe, some day, your life’s gonna depend on your ability to get into an encrypted file.” “I can get into a file,” was Nikita’s reply. “Yeah?” Birkoff handed her the keyboard. “Go ahead. You have ten seconds.”

Michael almost burst out laughing as he saw the look in Nikita’s eyes. She had had enough crap from this egotistical teenager. Birkoff brought down a clock on the screen which was counting down from ten. Nikita looked at the keyboard for a moment then looked at Birkoff and Michael. Seven…six… Nikita grabbed Birkoff’s hair, picked up a pencil, and brought it to his neck. “Open it!!” Nikita ordered. Birkoff looked to Michael for help. Michael looked back with his patented blank stare. Birkoff opened the file before the clock ran out. “See. Did it in nine.” Nikita blew another bubble with her gum and then smiled at Michael. He actually smiled back at her, he couldn’t help himself. Score two for Nikita, he thought, at least she had learned well from Walter. As the two turned to walk away, Nikita mussed Birkoff’s hair gently. “You’re cute Birkoff.”

************

When Michael was not directly involved in Nikita’s training he was spending time thinking about her. He could not get her off of his mind. He spent a good amount of time in the evenings after training, watching her in her room. Michael was not sure whether or not Nikita knew of the cameras in her room, but he was thankful they were only for his eyes. She was a very uninhibited young woman. It was almost as if Nikita were performing for the camera. Michael wondered if she realized who was watching her or if she thought there was just some no-name person behind a bank of monitors.

Even when Michael was at home, he spent the majority of his time thinking of Nikita. He seemed very attentive to Elena but he was only in machine mode with her. The only time he really let himself come out was when he could spend time alone with Adam. During this time he could share with his son his secret joys and fears about Nikita. Elena sometimes tried to eavesdrop on some of these father-son conversations but Michael always sensed when she was hovering near and changed to his monosyllabic tone and changed his topic of “conversation” with his son. Adam just stared at him wide-eyed and laughed and babbled as Michael talked.

How long would Michael be able to pull this off? How long could he remain in his deep cover mission before his wife realized he was not really in love with her? And if that happened how could he keep hold of his son? How long could he continue to fool Madeline into believing he had not totally fallen in love with Nikita? Was Madeline actually fooled in the first place, or was she playing with his head again? How long could he continue surviving these mind games with Madeline?

And Nikita? He wanted her to be able to trust him. To open up and talk to him about her life and her wants and needs. He knew there was not much hope of her ever trusting him. He knew that he would be required to break that trust on a regular basis. He wanted to find a way of letting her know that no matter what Section One forced him to do to break her spirit and her heart, that in reality, in his heart, he would always protect her and her trust. He loved her, he freely admitted that to himself. How could he let her know it without actually saying the words?

How did Nikita herself feel was she really adjusting to life in Section or was she playing him for a fool? Michael was beginning to feel more and more like a fool every day. He of all people should know what having a relationship within Section could lead to. The problem was he couldn’t help himself. He really wanted to have a relationship with Nikita. His head was in a war with his heart right now. His head knew the dangers of relationships. His heart knew that it could never be whole again without his light, his Nikita. What neither head nor heart could war with was an overwhelming need to protect Nikita. So for the time being, his heart would forfeit to the better judgement of his head and he would suppress his urges toward Nikita in order to keep her relatively safe in this nasty, ugly world known as Section One.

************

Michael found himself sitting in Madeline’s office. As usual her first questions were about the Vachek mission. Elena had lost hope of ever finding her father and Michael was having no luck convincing her to keep up the search. The private detective they had hired had worked for over a year with absolutely no luck in finding Vachek. Operations had put more and more manpower into finding Vachek and they had all failed miserably. Michael was afraid that he was about to be pulled from his deep-cover and he was deathly afraid of losing his son. Why else would he be sitting in Madeline’s office at the crack of dawn?

Madeline smiled as she served Michael coffee, juice, and toast. He had refused the eggs and bacon she had offered, because his stomach was roiling. He was working really hard at keeping his blank stare on his face and not letting Madeline see the fear and pain in his eyes. Madeline almost laughed to herself as she read all of the turmoil in Michael’s posture and his mind. She loved watching him sweat like this and refused to discuss why she had summoned him so early until they had finished their breakfast. Madeline tortured Michael by savoring every bite of her breakfast.

Madeline cleared her throat and wiped the edges of her mouth as she finished the last sip of her tea. She gently placed her napkin on her plate and folded her hands under her chin as Christopher cleared the table. She tapped a few keys on her computer. A picture slowly appeared on the screen. “This is Yaughan Reykser. He is an up-and-coming courier of bombs. He is known to be carrying a PDA, which may contain information about a possible location on Salla Vachek. He will be dining this evening at Chez Valentino’s.”

Michael was visibly relieved that this did not relate directly to him. “I will set up a team and we will take him out this evening.” Michael got up to leave. “Sit down Michael. I already have a plan in place and you will need no other team members besides yourself and Nikita. This is what is expected of the two of you. Operations has only one comment for you, and as he is not in Section at the moment I will convey his message for him. ‘If she fails, you fail, Michael’” Michael visibly blanched at Madeline’s words.

Michael forgot to think until that evening when he and Nikita were sitting in Chez Valentino’s. Nikita was resplendent in a black beaded short dress and white gloves. Her hair was pinned up in a beautiful chignon. Michael felt, deep in his heart, that she was extremely beautiful. Michael, as usual, was enjoying watching Nikita. She was carefully but self-consciously eating an appetizer. “Madeline taught you well.” Nikita blushed, “Thank You!” Nikita looked around the beautiful restaurant. She was so happy, it almost radiated off of her. As Nikita was looking around, a waiter came to the table to fill the wineglasses. Michael ordered dinner for the two of them in French. Nikita smiled her thanks when Michael told her what he had ordered for her, Lobster Newberg. Michael raised his newly filled wineglass. “To this evening.” Nikita toasted and then savored the cabernet.

Nikita continued looking around. “It’s hard to believe I’m here…” Michael smiled, “where do you think you should be?” “I don’t know, it’s just…, I’ve lived on the streets for so long…” Michael thought about that for a moment. Suddenly, he asked, “why did you run away?” He was very curious about her past at this point. Nikita thought carefully before she answered. “ I didn’t… my mother got this new boyfriend. He didn’t like me so she told me to get out.” Michael was saddened to hear this. “I’m sorry.” Nikita smiled, “don’t be , I never was.” Michael believed her and continued to study her. “You’ve come a long way, Nikita.” “I feel…”and her voice trailed off. “What? Come on, say it!” Nikita blushed again, “I’m happy.” Michael’s heart broke as he heard these words.

After sipping their after-dinner coffee, Michael reached under his chair and placed a gift-wrapped box in front of Nikita. Nikita tore the wrapping paper off and slowly opened the elegant box. Michael held his breath as she opened it. Nikita’s face went from euphoric to confused. Inside the gift box was a 9mm automatic. Michael leaned closer to Nikita. “The blond-headed man sitting at the next table has a PDA inside his briefcase. Get it. When you get the unit, don’t leave through the front…, there’s a window in the ladies room. Use that. It leads to an alleyway. The Section van will be waiting. If you’re not out of there in five minutes, the van will leave without you. go. If you don’t mind, wait until I leave.” Michael walked away from the table, paid the bill, and left the restaurant.

Michael’s dinner was roiling in his stomach as he climbed into the back of the van and joined Birkoff at the computer monitor to watch. His heart was broken more and more with each obstacle Nikita faced in her fight to complete her mission. Michael wondered absently if maybe they were pushing her too far, too fast. She had after all been in Section for only a year. He was startled when the door to the van opened and Nikita entered, dress torn, shoes gone, feet cut and bleeding. She threw the PDA at Michael and he had the good grace to blush as the van pulled away from Nikita’s first completed mission.

************

Michael was berating himself for what he had put Nikita through as the van drove through the city. Nikita, for her part, sat curled up in a ball in a corner of the van, crying silently. Michael was again questioning his loyalty to Section and questioning why he put up with their assignments. The Section One van came to a halt in front of a corner building.

“Let’s go,” Michael said quietly. Nikita was very hesitant. “What is this place?” Michael smiled. “You’ll see.” Nikita hunkered back down in her corner. “Not until you tell me what we’re doing here. No more surprises.” Michael sighed, he knew she was correct in her feelings. He wished, for at least the hundredth time since Nikita had come to Section, that things could have been different. He knew better than to wish for pipe dreams. Michael offered Nikita his hand. “Nikita, please…? He whispered. Something in his quiet manner let Nikita know that it was going to be ok.

Michael and Nikita walked into an apartment building. Michael quietly opened a door on an upper floor. Michael ushered Nikita into a sparse, tastefully furnished apartment. Nikita looked around, unsure of what they were doing there. She turned to Michael. “You live here?” “No, you do,” he stated quietly. “It’s yours.” Nikita was shocked. “Mine…? What do you mean ‘mine’?” Michael just smiled faintly at her. “Look around.”

Nikita moved around the apartment, checking it all out. The closets were filled with clothes, the cabinets with dishes. She looked out the window to a beautiful view. She turned back to look at Michael, a confused look on her face. “I hope you like it,” Michael whispered. Michael lost himself in his thoughts as he watched Nikita prowl through her new apartment. He shook himself out of his reverie and walked to a desk drawer and opened it. He turned toward Nikita and caught her attention. “Everything you need is in here: I.D., driver’s license, credit cards. Tell no one what you do or who you are. If anyone asks, you’re between jobs and you’re taking some time to figure things out.” He paused. “ your code names is Josephine.”

Michael moved toward the door. Nikita was trembling. “What do I do now?” Michael turned. “You wait,” he stated simply. “How long?” Nikita’s voice broke. Michael turned back to the door and put his hand on the doorknob. “Depends…, could be a day, could be a month.” He paused. “Goodbye.” Michael walked out the door and closed it behind him. He leaned dejectedly against the door to her apartment. The self-recriminations were almost unbearable for him. He had hated his recruitment into Section One for so long. Here he was sealing the doom of a pure, innocent human being. He did not have the heart to fight Section One. There was absolutely nothing Michael could do to save Nikita. His light, his salvation, the love of his life was now firmly entrenched in a life at Section One. There was no going back for her. Michael’s only hope was that he would be able to protect her from some of the crueler fates, which were headed her way.

Would Michael be able to survive once again the cruelties of Section One? Would his heart be able to take much more? More importantly, could he protect Nikita as he had just promised his heart he would? He hoped he could. He had pledged the same thing to Simone. He had not been able to protect her. She had dies because he had not listened to her gut instincts. What made him believe he could fulfill his heart’s promise to Nikita? Was he a better man now than he had been with Simone? He knew better than that. He had sold his soul to the devil too many times to believe that drivel. He had also promised himself to protect Elena, but he knew that that would never be possible/ was he even worthy of making this promise to Nikita, even if it was only within his own heart? He hoped that through her light, Nikita would help to soothe his wounded heart and black soul, would help to keep him alive, and would help him to be worthy of all of his hopes and dreams that now, suddenly involved only the two of them. Michael sighed and walked silently away from Nikita’s door, never suspecting that she was going through much of the same turmoil only inches away, leaning against the inside of the apartment door.

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