("Escape", from Michael's point of view.)

He loved her--or he hoped so. There was definitely no denying that he needed her. He had known that much from the day they'd met. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

And now...now, it seemed as though she might care for him too. He had hoped for that from the beginning. He had seen her face when she had first killed a man, to save him. He had hoped, but he knew better than to indulge that feeling. He had shut that hope away together with all the other light in his soul. But today, Madeline had come to him, and told him to go to her. To pretend that he wanted her, only it wouldn't be pretending.

He agreed.

For the first time, what he had to do and what he wanted to do were the same thing. As he knocked on her door, he wondered why he was doing this. Why the charade? Why not simply tell her that the Section knew of Eric's plan, that she would be cancelled if she went with him? Why should he manipulate her, knowingly hurt her? Why?

Even as he asked himself, he knew the answer. Section wanted to know her vulnerabilities. Her weaknesses--and her loyalties. If she cared about him, as he so dearly hoped and so desperately feared, it would be another fact in the Nikita folder, filed away to be used at some future time. *Hurt her today, so that they can hurt her again another time...*

And Michael knew something else as well; that if he warned her that she would be cancelled if she tried to escape, she would likely throw his warning in his face, claiming that she would rather die in the attempt than live like a prisoner. The only way to make her stay was to give her a good reason to, and he knew the threat of death wouldn't be a good enough reason.

He was disgusted with himself.

But when she opened the door and he saw her standing there, all he knew was that he wanted to touch her.

He'd saved her life again. It was a routine occurrence in their line of business. But she'd known he was looking out for her. He'd seen it in her eyes when she looked up as he shot the terrorist behind her.

As he supported the young soldier to the meeting point, he realised that Eric and Nikita were gone. Fear gripped him, although he tried to push it down out of the way. *Don't go, Nikita. I love you!* If he could have shouted the thoughts into her head, he would have.

Perhaps he was trying to.

Did she know that as she chose between him and freedom, she was also choosing between life and death...? *I should have told her!*

And yet, hope spoke in a little voice, through the thundering fear. *Maybe she won't go...Maybe she just has to go and tell Eric that...*

She didn't go. She hadn't gone because he'd somehow convinced her that he loved her. In some perverse way he had rescued her. So why was it he felt like such a jerk?

He didn't need to tell her about the manipulation. She thought that he loved her, that if she stayed, she could be with him. If he told her nothing now, she would continue to want him, trust him...

He didn't need to tell her, but he had to. He couldn't let her believe a lie and let her think he was better than he was. He didn't deserve her trust--he wouldn't take what he had not earned.

She would hate him, he knew. He thought that might even be preferable to her loving him. As much as he desired it, he was afraid of her love--afraid of what it would demand of him, afraid of what it would mean for her and what the Section would do to her because of it. Better to make her hate him and put as much emotional distance between them as possible.

So he told her. In a few words, he told her that Section had known of Eric's plan for escape and her involvement in them. That he had manipulated her emotions to make her stay. To keep her alive, he said.

She asked him why he'd bothered. Spat it out, like a poisonous dart in his face.

One last chance to redeem himself. One last chance to say, "Because I don't want to lose you." Last chance...

He turned away then, unable to look her in the eye. He never said more than he had to, and he knew that right now, his eyes would tell her too much.

He didn't tell her about the truth in the lie. How could he ask her to love him when he didn't even love himself?

The End

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