It's Sunday, I'm sitting here in my apartment watching him make dinner. I don't think I ever realized how good a cook he is.

Five years today, I remember waking up in that white room not realizing where I am and why I'm in restraints. And then I saw him no actually I heard him say "Good Morning" with his soft caressing voice. I didn't think it was caressing at the time. All I remember feeling was fear, loss, despair.

In those five years so much has changed or is it me that's changed?

I could never understand him, why he acted the way he did. How he could be so gentle one minute and so cruel the next.

For two years I feared him, hated him, loved him and hated him again. And then the training was over, I became an operative - a Level 1 Operative. After that mission when I killed for the first time, I wanted to die, and that was not the last time. I was so close to pulling the trigger so many times, yet there was always this little voice inside saying "No, there is someone here that cares about you, someone who needs you to live." I don't think he saw it at first.

I don't think I realized it either. The first couple of years it was a crush, a love-hate relationship that I could walk away from. Even when he helped me escape from the suicide mission neither one of us realized how profound our love is. A love that is stronger then both of us. It wasn't a choice; it just was. And that is what Operations and Madeline have never understood: we can't change it, we can't stop loving one another.

I'm not exactly sure when it changed from a crush to two people loving each other with the same strength and need. I remember when he told me that his life is life split in two. I didn't understand it fully until I learned about Elena and Adam. I told him that I knew it was something he was forced to do, but I didn't understand how he could live with himself. Who was I kidding? What was he supposed to do? Sacrifice his life for it? I think he actually believed that he deserved all the pain; that life was teaching him a lesson for his sins of the past. Personally, I think he paid them back in spades.

I love him, I love him so much. No one has ever risked so much for me as he has. He never gave up on me; not even when I hurt him by going after Jordan. Yes, he did hurt me as well, but not on a personal level, at least, not by choice. I realize now that he never hurt me by choice.

And after all he went through to bring me back from the living dead, I no longer doubt him or his love for me.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn't hear him speaking to me until he touched my shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" he asks in a soft voice.

"No, nothing, I I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"About us."

"What about us?" he ask with a small, shy and very rare smile.

"It's five years today," I answer, a little unsure if I should reveal my thoughts.

"Five years of what?" he asks with a confused expression on his face.

"From the day we met, in the White Room." I answer.

His reply both surprises and angers me. "I'm sorry" he says, and looks at me with his sad eyes.

"There is no reason to be, I'm not." I answer .

"You are not sorry for being in Section?" he asks and looks at me with a slightly shocked expression.

"No, I'm not sorry for meeting you." I say and gives him one of my sincere and loving smiles.

I watch his face, but it is again devoid of expression. He has retreated back into himself again and starts walking toward the kitchen.

I understand. I don't get angry with him anymore. It's just his way of handling things. He needs time to register what I've told him; that this last couple of months, all his hard work, him risking his life and getting me back was the right thing to do.

I look at him now and see all the things I wasn't able to or didn't want to see before and it amazes me.

He's a good person, an honest person and more important, a loving person. He has given me his soul, his very being. How could I ever have accused him of being inhuman?

Five years - has it really been that long? My old life seems so far away..was I really that lost girl, that innocent girl who never thought that she would find this kind of love? Who thought that she is not worthy of that love?

I'm part of Section now. Even the little freedom I received this year, with the sole propose of killing Operations, showed me that I'll never be happy without him in my life. And if staying in Section is the only way for him to remain there, then so be it.

Maybe one day, if we survive and Michael becomes Head of Section One, we can make a difference; change it for the better. Build it the way it's supposed to be an organization that cares for the innocent and fights the dark side of the world without becoming a part of it. A place which operatives will be proud to belong to; where their lives will have meaning.

He can do that, maybe with a little nudge in the right direction. After all, Section was his life for so long, and some habits are hard to break.

Did I really stop wishing to be free? No. It's just not that important anymore. What I mean is; it will always be something I wish for - being free, having a family - but there is one thing that has to come with that freedom, and that's Michael. I tried it before and it didn't work. There is no freedom alone. He's part of my soul and when he's not there I feel like something is missing. Something I can't go on living without.

Dinner is ready; it's about time, I'm starving. We eat in comfortable silence - it's delicious - each of us absorbed in our own thoughts.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be able to read his mind? I think I know him, but he keeps surprising me. Will I ever know him? Does it really matter? No. The only thing that matters is that I love him and that he loves me back.

***********

It's almost dawn; I'm lying in his arms. My lover, my best friend, my soul. We made love, not sex, love. I've never met anyone else who has made me feel so worshipped.

At this moment, it's as if his only purpose in life is to make me happy, to make me feel like I'm in heaven. And I am in heaven. Until the phone rings that is.

All I know now is that if I die today, I'll die knowing that I'm loved. And there is no greater feeling then that. I don't have nightmares anymore. It's because I feel safe here in his arms and I think that the same goes for him.

He hardly mentions Adam anymore, but I hear him murmur his name in his sleep every now and then. I hope those are happy dreams. Happy, was he ever happy? Can I make him happy? All I know is that I can try.

He is waking.

"Good morning," I say with a smile.

"Good morning," he answers with a kiss. "Everything ok?" he asks with concern.

"Everything is just fine," I smile "I love you." I say.

"I love you too." he answers.

I am happy, and I think that everything will be fine. We will be fine. We have each other.

********

The phone rings

"Jacques "

"I'm on my way."

"We need to go in," he says with sadness in his eyes.

I just smile and get up to dress.

Everything will be just fine.

Fini

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