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Nikita stopped in front of Operation's door suddenly. The soft words of a song capturing her attention, touching her soul, and shattering her perception of the hard man. She couldn't stop herself from knocking on his office door.
"Yes, Nikita?" Operations sighed, turning off the CD player. "That song, Operations, what was it? Who sings it?" Nikita asked curious. Operations allowed a small genuine smile as he turned the CD player back on and let the song play. "Garth Brooks sings it and the name is The Change'. The words are beautiful, aren't they? A beautiful illusion." His words turned bitter at the end. Nikita heard the sadness under the bitterness in the older man's voice before she turned her attention to the words. ***********One hand Reaches out ***And pulls a lost soul from harm ***While a thousand more Go unspoken for ***They say what good have you done By saving just this one ***It's like whispering a prayer In the fury of a storm ***And I hear them saying you'll never change things ***And no matter what you do it's still the same thing ***But it's not the world that I am changing ***I do this so this world will know That it will not change me ***This heart Still believes That love and mercy still exist **While all the hatreds rage and so many say ***That love is all but pointless in madness such as this **It's like trying to stop a fire With the moisture from a kiss ***And I hear them saying you'll never change things ***And no matter what you do it's still the same thing ***But it's no the world that I am changing ***I do this so this world will know That it will not change me ***As long as one heart still holds on ***Then hope is never really gone ***I hear them saying you'll never change things ***And no matter what you do it's still the same thing ***But it's not the world that I am changing ***I do this so this world we know Never changes me **********What I do is so This world will know That it will not change me Nikita realized that the song was a reflection of herself, her ideals and life in Section One. She had a feeling, as she studied Operations, that he had believed in the words of the song at one time- if he had ever stopped. She thought back to when he had asked her to save his son. He had believe in the words then, even if he hadn't wanted to admit it. "Operations, how is Steve?" she whispered. The man looked up sharply before he answered her. "He is doing well." Nikita nodded and smiled. They were so much alike, she realized in that moment. "He is still searching for you." It wasn't a question, just a simple statement of fact. "I am sorry, Operations, that you can never truly know him." And with that, she left, closing the door softly behind her. Operations stared at the door before he rubbed his face. She had caught him in a weak moment. He regretted that but not her words. He shook his head with a rueful smile parting his lips. She was one of the few people that he could truly believe anymore. She had a natural honesty about her, especially when it came to sympathizing with people and their pain. He snapped the CD player off, shutting off the song, his memories, and his emotions before he stood. He had a mission to brief his operatives on. ---------------------------------------- Nikita watched Operations carefully as he briefed them. He was the aloof, hard man of old, but she saw a flicker of something in his eyes that she had never noticed before. If she wanted to name it, she'd have almost called it sadness. But she wasn't quite sure what it was. He knew she was studying him and not the mission but he didn't call her on it. He remembered her words and let it pass- this time. Michael would fill her in. "Where were you just now?" Michael demanded when they were alone in the briefing room. Nikita sighed. "I was a million miles away, thinking about if things were different." She admitted, not telling him that she had been thinking about Operations, not herself. He would draw his own conclusions and admonish her for her lack of focus. Michael snorted and shook his head. He didn't waste his breath, this time, about the dangers of daydreams and what if games. Instead, he made sure he had her attention and went over the mission profile again. Nikita smiled at the mission. A typical Section One mission- break into the terrorist's house, steal the deadly information he (or in this case, she had) bring in the terrorist after dispensing with as many guards as possible. "Let me guess, you're going in to distract her so the team can invade." Nikita sighed. It was an old ploy, one she was getting tired of. In that moment, he knew she hadn't been totally listening to him. He allowed a smile before he answered. Nikita shivered at the sight of the smile, something told her she should have paid him a little more attention when he had gone over the profile. And she was right, she didn't like his answer. "No, you will be going in to distract her. The group is a feminist terrorist group- no men allowed. All of them are homosexual." Nikita closed her eyes and shook her head with small smile. "Get off it, Michael. I heard Operations telling you that you would be the distraction." She had paid some attention to both of them! Michael chuckled. "Yes, I'll be going in as the distraction. I'll be posing as her long lost brother." That surprised Nikita. "All right. The mission has my utmost attention from now on, Michael." He nodded and went over her part again with her until he was sure she knew all of it. --------------------------------------------- Nikita was soon accepted as a new recruit. The drills were cake compared to Section training, but Nikita felt uncomfortable. She knew she was being watched constantly, but there was a set of eyes on her that was giving her the creeps. She had a feeling something was going to go wrong on this mission. Michael assumed his role of the lost brother a week after Nikita was brought to the main compound. She ignored his presence when they found themselves in the same room. She didn't trust the eyes on her. It wasn't until she saw Natasha and Michael side by side that Nikita realized who Natasha had reminded her of. She was too old to be a sister. She must be his mother, Nikita reasoned. The night she realized the connection, she prayed he would never find out. She had a feeling it would break him. Not to mention it would be the prefect weapon to rid Section of him! And as much as he had made it difficult for her at Section with his tests and missions, she didn't want him canceled. He was a constant her in turbulent world and she didn't want to risk having some one like Petrosian taking over Section One. Operations had enough problems protecting his son, he didn't need to deal with having to protect his son's mother as well!! Not that this woman needed protection for anyone! Cripes! With the guards around her constantly and the surveillance systems and security measures, the place was a damned fortress! Almost as bad as Section One. Nikita's biggest problem at that moment was figuring out how to keep the woman from being brought to Section One for interrogation. The following day Nikita had her way and a plan forming. The person with the disk wasn't the leader, hence, she would bring her in. Michael would plan to bring the leader in as well, but Nikita had a way out of that too- wound the leader so it looked like she was dead. Michael would be pissed, as would Operations, but she'd deal with them later. -------------------------------- "The disk isn't in her possession. She must have given it to another for safe keeping." Michael caught her alone one night. Nikita ignored him and kept on walking. The eyes were near, watching, listening. She refused to be compromised, especially since she knew who had the disk! Michael stared as Nikita continued on as if she hadn't heard him. Something wasn't right. His eyes scanned the darkness, looking for the sign of another around them but found none. He turned from Nikita's retreating figure as he decided to wait until another time. --------------------------------- "Methos, you seem to know Micah, the brother." a woman stepped from the night's shadows after the man had walked away. Each recruit had picked a new name to use. Their pasts were over, and the new name symbolized a new person, one without the ties of the past to hinder them in their new mission. Methos- Nikita- smiled at the woman. "He's from my other life. The life I gave up when I became Methos. I thought that I was supposed to renounce all of my old life." The woman's smile held malice. "You are correct. Your past is dead. You are Methos now. You are strong to resist such a gorgeous temptation, Methos." "There is not much temptation. He deceived me before, he will do it again to suit his purposes. He never told me of his past, his eyes lied to me as he used my body." She shrugged, hiding the truth of what she felt he had done to her in the past with veiled words. "Is there anything else, Xena?" "Yes, there is. I wanted to invite you to a meeting that will be held tonight in three hours. Not all know of this meeting. Do not speak of it to anyone. Come to the Great Hall in three hours." Xena, the second in command, smiled again. Nikita shivered as she watched the woman shift into the shadows again. She reminded Nikita of the Xena TV series, not of the actress that played her, but of the first Xena, the warrior who had no heart. This woman had no heart as well, and she was good. A true danger to Section One. Nikita didn't like the uneasy feeling she was getting about this meeting. Something would go wrong- seriously wrong tonight. -------------------------------------- Nikita noted that just over half of the recruit and guards were attending the secret meeting. She was surprised to see Michael there- until she noticed that his hands were tied behind his back and his feet were bound loosely together. She smirked at the sight until she heard the blasts coming from the living courters. She closed her eyes briefly at the huge lose of life that she knew was happening then. Xena took the pulpit demanding everyone's attention with her presence even before she began to speak. "Hear me, my womyn! I am the rightful leader of all of you! Natasha was weak! She could not see the ability we, as womyn warriors, hold! With our might, we can control the world! Bring it to its knees and demand from it anything we choose!" Xena held up the disk then. "With this, we control thousands of political figures around the globe! With this, we will take our rightful place as the womyn of the world!" Nikita cringed, the woman was psychotic! "And this man, the brother," Xena spat the word, "of our Natasha, will be the first to feel our power! He came here to kill us all and take Natasha way- looking for this disk! He was wrong to think Natasha would have the ability to obtain such power! And now he will perish for his betrayal! Who will be the first? Who will be the first to show him that womyn are the strength of this world!" And she looked directly at Nikita, a challenge in her eyes. Nikita smiled sinisterly. She wasn't going to enjoy hurting Michael, but she was going to enjoy shocking Xena. "Where is Natasha? She should be here to watch what her weakness is going to do!" Methos cried. She laughed viciously as she headed for the front and Michael. Xena glared at the woman, trying to decide what she was up to before nodding to another. The other woman brought Natasha, bound and beat up, to be held beside Michael. Nikita saw the defeat in Natasha's eyes as well as the regret she was the reason for hurting her brother. She removed the katana she had chosen as her weapon the week before- a requirement for new recruits was to chose a weapon to master- from her duster. Nikita had chosen to stay with her Highlander theme- the katana was perfect! Besides she had always wanted to learn how to use one! With one fluid motion, Michael's chest was cut open from nipple to abdomen. He winced, waiting for the second slice to come. The second slice, though, came from behind- freeing his hands as well as his feet in one fluid move. Nikita grabbed the disk with her left hand before she turned the blade on Xena. "You actually believe the shit you preach? What a sorry excuse for a female you are! Women already have the ultimate power over man- they have the ability to give life- to bear children! As well as the ability to break a man's heart and spirit, rip out his soul if she does not love him back. Woman has the power to seduce all she wants, to inflict pain on a child with indifference. A woman can beat a man in the easiest way possible- she can out think him with her heart. "A woman lives by her heart, feels the pain of betrayal and lies, bends with the manipulations of man and survives by loving him and forgiving him when he can't forgive himself! A woman doesn't need blackmail to take a man down, she does it with the truth in the blinding light of day!" Nikita roared. With one more motion, Xena was crumpling to the floor, out cold. Michael had heard her words but could only file them away for another time. He got to Natasha as Nikita put her sword and the disk away and she pulled out her Berreta before she picked up Xena's unconscious body. With three shots the room was plunged into darkness and they made their escape. ---------------------------------- "Michael, stop." Nikita gasped as they passed the stables. Michael turned around to face her. "What is it, Nikita? Are you hurt? Is she waking up?" Nikita shook her head. "No, I gave her a sedative before I left." She dropped Xena harshly to the ground. "I need to see Natasha." She stated as she took the woman from Michael's supporting arm. "What is it, Methos?" Natasha asked warily. Nikita smiled. "Mt name's Nikita. You won't be coming with us. I'll tend to your wounds but you will be riding out of here. The horse is ready for you and you will find what you need to survive in the saddle bags. Remember your past, Vivian, remember your past and live again. You think you have cut out the pain but you have cut out the best parts of your life as well. If you can, there is an address in one of the bags, return to it and you will find your life again." She gently put Natasha- Vivian- on the ground and began to treat the wounds. Michael was puzzled. It wasn't as if this woman was an innocent, she was a killer. "We have to-" He started to speak. "No. He said bring the leader with the disk. Vivian had no part in the disk or the other group." Nikita shook her head. She helped her up and smiled at the woman before she let her go. Vivian looked into Nikita's eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Me- Nikita. I owe you my life." And then she was gone. "Let me see your wound, Michael." Nikita turned to him and spoke softly. "Operations will-" Michael started again. "No. There is no need for Operations to know that Vivian is alive, Michael. Natasha is dead." Nikita shook her head. She was gentle as she dealt with the wound. It needed stitches but they didn't have that much time at the moment. In the plane, she would take care of it better. "Natasha is dead, Michael." Nikita repeated softly as she stepped back to look into his eyes. Michael nodded. He understood her words but still wondered why she was doing this for the woman. But Nikita would be Nikita. Michael smiled at that thought. Good thing she had turned to pick up Xena at that moment or she would have demanded a reason for the smile. ----------------------------------- "I don't need . . . them" His voice trailed off. He looked at her accusingly as his eyes became unfocused and darkness closed in around him on the plane twenty minutes later. Nikita kissed his cheek and whispered sweet dreams before she began to stitch up his wound. When she was finished, she wiped away her tears and brushed the strand of hair out of his peaceful face. ------------------------------------- "This is not the woman in charge!" Operations roared when she roughly pushed Xena into Section as she rolled Michael out of the van that had brought they from the airfield. "Shush, Operations." Nikita glared. "Madeline, take him to Medlab and have them check out his wound. You," she pointed to one of the Section guards, "take her to an interrogation room to wait for Madeline!" She faced Operations with a smile then. "Ready to debrief?" Operations' eyes narrowed before he nodded and lead her to his office. "Natasha, the leader is dead. She had no connection with the disk anyway. Xena- or what ever the hell the woman's true name is- was in charge of the disk and the take over of Natasha's organization." Nikita told him. "The rest of the organization. What happened to it?" Operations questioned her. "Dead. Or in chaos. If you want to sweep, go ahead. They wouldn't have moved. They were all followers and Michael and I left no potential leader there alive." Nikita replied. He fired questions at her for two hours before he allowed her to leave. ------------------------------------- "Nikita, Operations wants to see you in his office." Birkoff found her in Michael's office a week later. Michael stared at her. Did he know? Nikita chuckled. She could almost see Michael's brain working, trying to figure out what she had done wrong now. "Relax, Michael. I did nothing wring. This is about a song." And she left him even more confused with her words. -------------------------------------- "Stephen has moved." Operations stated. Nikita smiled. "I had nothing to do with it, Operations. I haven't seen him since I saved him, you know that." "There was a woman there, just before he disappeared. She looked like Natasha." Operations accused. Nikita rolled her eyes. "I told you and Michael told you, Natasha is dead." With that said, she walked out of the office. If he couldn't see what was in front of his face, she wasn't about to explain it! --------------------------------------- "Nikita, thank you." Vivian smiled as the young woman opened the door. Nikita laughed and shut the door behind her as she walked into the hall. "How are you. Vivian? Steve?" "Surviving. How do you two know each other?" Steve answered first. Nikita smiled. "It is a long story, Steve, maybe Vivian will share it with you one day far, far in the future. What are you two doing here? You know how dangerous it is, Vivian!" "I wanted to thank you again. You gave me my live back. Does he?" She asked, knowing the woman would understand the half question. "No and I will never tell him." Nikita shook her head then sighed before she turned to Steve. "Listen to me, Steve. Take what life has given you, it is precious and should not be wasted. Don't keep looking for a man that is dead. You will not find what you are searching for in this world, Steve. Your father died in those prison camps. His body may have survived, but your father is dead. You must let it go. He loves you in his own way, Steve. It was he who saved your life when I let you go, don't waste your second chance. You must learn to live for yourself and not an illusion that no longer exists. For the sake of what is left of your father, disappear and don't look for him anymore. Find him in your mother's memories and pictures. It is the only place he still lives aside from your heart and Vivian's." Steve stared at her. She knew his father! He opened his mouth, but he heard her words, and for the first time in his life, he actually listened to them. He looked at his mother, the mother who had found him again, and smiled. "All right, Nikita. I will stop searching for him." Nikita hung her head, praying she was doing the right thing. "Thank you, Steve." She whispered and raised her head to bid them farewell. " Be careful, you two. And remember, life is precious, don't waste what you have because once it's gone, there's no way to get it back." -------------------------------------- Nikita smiled as she took the package out of her bag. The plain brown paper, a product of her recycling of old grocery bags, hid the significance of the gift. It also belied the emotions it would bring to the recipient. "Operations, this came for you." Nikita smiled and handed him the package. -------------------------------------- Operations sat back in his chair and stared at the words on the frame "LOVE and MERCY still exist- always will" written in script. The silver frame itself was simple. The picture, though, brought back hundreds of memories that refused to remain buried for the moment. His thumb absently brushed aside the drop of water that had fallen on the frame. ----------------------------------------- "Operations is looking for you, Nikita." Michael delivered the message to her this time. She laughed. "Michael, I'll explain at dinner tonight. My treat, my place, seven o'clock. If you want to know, be there." And she walked away, not waiting for his answer. He would come, she was sure about that. She smiled as she walked up the steps to Operations office. "You bellowed, master?" Nikita chuckled. "Where did you get the picture?" he asked softly, still staring at it. "That is classified, Operations, but if you stop to think about it, you'll figure it out. I am sorry, really I am, but I can't tell you. Oh, and Steve stopped by my place a couple days ago. He will always searching for you, Operations, but for now it will only be in his heart." Operations turned to see her walking out of his office. Nikita smacked her forehead! What the hell had she just done? She had all but admitted the picture had come from Steve- which it hadn't, of course! She shook her head with a smile and headed for Madeline's. --------------------------------------- Nikita laughed as she heard the knock on her apartment door. "Come in, Michael!" She yelled from the balcony. She was putting the finishing touches on her table. "You shouldn't do that, Nikita. You never know who will be at the door." Michael admonished her softly as he held out the bottle of red wine. Nikita smiled as she took the bottle. "Perfect, it will go perfectly with the roast."She ignored his warning and waved him to a seat. "I thought we'd dine outside tonight." Michael smiled. "Very well, dear." He faked a bad accent and held out her chair for her. Nikita laughed. "This was nice, Nikita." Michael whispered as they finished dinner. Nikita smiled softly. "It was but you are curious. All right, I'll explain what I can. Operations and I were having a debate over a song. Before the Xena mission, I overheard him playing a song late one night- after even you had gone home. We couldn't agree who did the original version. I thought one woman, he thought another. This morning I gave him a copy of the original song. He called me back in to give me the CD back." She shrugged. "No big deal." "Operations listens to music?" Michael couldn't contain his surprise. Nikita rolled her eyes. He was almost buying this story too easily. She sent a silent thank you up that he did believe her. "Of course he listens to music. He is human!" And she smiled across the table at him as she heard the beginning chords of the song that had started it all many weeks before come on the radio. "Nikita." Michael called softly. "Nikita!" He repeated a little louder. Nikita smiled ruefully. "Sorry, I got lost in the song. What is it, Michael?" "I've been thinking-" Nikita gasped. "Oh my! You? Thinking? How unusual!" Her tone was full of mock surprise. At his silent glare, she chuckled before she controlled herself. "Sorry. I'm in one of those moods tonight." Her eyes shown with merriment, telling him that she wasn't really sorry. Michael nodded before he started again. "Anyway, I was thinking about the words you told those women back at the Great Hall." Nikita grimaced. His words brought back the sound of her blade cutting into his skin once more. Her dreams lately were filled with that sound. Shaking her head, she banished the sound and brought forth the words she had told the band of women after Xena's speech. "What about them, Michael?" She asked, not being able to look into his eyes because she couldn't banish her guilt at having to hurt him. Michael reached across the table and gently lifted her chin so that she would look at him. "Nikita, what you did saved my life. The cut is healing just fine. Your stitches were small enough to prevent a lot of scarring. Don't let the guilt win, Nikita. You did what you had to." She blinked back her tears and gave him a trembling smile. "What about my words, Michael?" She brought him back to his original topic, evading the other one. She had to deal with the other one on her own- he couldn't help her justify her own actions. Michael nodded before he removed his hand on her chin with a caress of her cheek. "The part where a woman's strength is where she can love and forgive a man for manipulating and lying to her when he can't forgive himself. Why would a woman do that?" Nikita would have laughed if he hadn't been so serious. "I can't speak for other woman, Michael. All I can tell you is that I do it because I know that the man I love is manipulating me or lying to me either to help me or to protect me. I'm not dense, Michael. I know that Operations takes the majority of his anger from my actions out on you because you are my mentor. "After you sacrificed everything you believed in to give me the greatest gift you could- my freedom- I saw how much you protected me with your manipulations and lies. I had a glimpse of your soul when I read that message on the PDA, Michael. That is why I will always forgive you. Now, I might be angry." Nikita laughed. "Hell, I know that I will be angry initially, but I'll get over that. My love will never change, you can do nothing to change it or stop it, Michael." Michael stared at her. There, Nikita sighed. She had finally admitted out loud to him what she knew he had seen in her eyes for so long. She watched him, wondering what he was thinking, what he would do. She was still, waiting for his response until she saw it in his eyes. She was up and kneeling beside him in a flash of movement. "No, don't, Michael. I didn't mean." She faltered on the words, reaching up to brush the hair out of his eyes. His eyes had pooled with tears, tears he could no more stop than he could stop her love for him. He cupped her chin and shook his head. "They aren't for you. They are for me." He whispered hoarsely. "I don't want you to stop loving me." He pulled her up into his lap as her own tears began to fall at his soft admittance. They held on to each other, gathering their strength from each other, for hours. Neither moved, neither brought their closeness to the next level. Neither wanted to. In that moment, Nikita knew that their one night together on her last night of freedom was all that they would share. The future- it was uncertain at best but she knew that she held his heart as he held hers and that was all that she needed. And it was all that he needed as well. The End
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