"Madeline, do you have a moment?"

"Come in, Nikita. What is wrong?"

"Have you ever wanted something so much, you'd pay anything for it, then, when you have it, you realize it isn't at all what you wanted?" Nikita asked, plopping into a chair.

Madeline turned back to her Bonsai tree and hid a smile. "What have you decided you no longer want?"

"How can I return it?" Nikita asked.

"Why don't you want it any longer? Have you discovered something better? Grown tired of it?" Madeline asked her own questions, giving no answers, merely redirecting the young woman's thoughts.

"Not tired of it, more like I've realized that it wasn't what I thought it would be- I out grew it." Nikita sighed.

With a buzz, Operations' voice could be heard. "Nikita, when you are finished with Madeline, come see me."

**********

She must find out on her own, Michael. Let it go for now. If you push her too hard, you will push her where you don't want her to be- in his arms.

Walter's warning came back to him again. Michael sighed. With Nikita back in Section One, he was functioning again- almost normally. With Nikita avoiding him, he was finding more work to occupy his time- to stop his mind from wandering and wondering what Nikita was doing with Jergun this time.

Unbidden, the chorus from a song he had heard the night before entered his mind, Genesis's "In too Deep."

You know I love you but I just can't take this.
You know I love you but I'm playing for keeps.
You know I need you but I'm not going to make this.
You know I want you but I'm in too deep.

Did she know? Michael snorted. How could she? All he had done was lie to her and manipulate her. He had shot her, hurt her for lands sake! Hell! He couldn't even admit to his one night of weakness to her face!
No, the song was more fit to Nikita, Michael realized. I know she loves me and that she can't take my treatment of her anymore. I know she loves me but she needs commitment. I know she needs me but she can't survive with the pain I have caused her anymore. I know she wants me but she is in too deep with Jergun now.

He slammed his fist into his desk. How he hated that song!
He laughed cynically- now he was lying to himself!

***********

"Nikita, has Jergun done anything suspicious lately?" Operations asked her after she sat down.
Nikita's eyes narrowed. Something was wrong. Operations would never just come out and ask something like this. He would test her- see if she could figure it out for herself. "What is it, Operations? Has he sold out? Revealed Section secrets to Red Cell?"

"Answer the question, Nikita!" Operations bellowed.
Yup! Something was definitely wrong. He was really angry- and not at her for a change. "Not that I've noticed. We've been going for coffee around eight o'clock every night." Nikita thought back. "Wait! Tuesday night he was late- like five minutes late. It was odd because he always beats me there. And he was out of breath and distant that night. I thought he had been on a mission- he hadn't been in Section all day. Come to think of it, he hasn't been in Section for a couple days now but we still meet for coffee every night." Nikita was confused. What was going on?

"You've seen Jergun in the last three days?" Operations was dumbfounded.

"Yes. Like I said. We always met for coffee at 8 pm. What is going on, Operations?" Nikita snapped.

But he wasn't listening to her, he was dialing a phone number. "Michael, get up here now!" He hit the reset button and dialed another number and barked, "Madeline, my office, now!"

Within thirty seconds both of them were in the office and Nikita was fuming. If someone didn't start explaining what the hell was going on, she was going to scream!

"Nikita's been seeing Jergun at a coffee shop. I want the place under surveillance now!" Operations barked.

"He's gone." Madeline stated.

"She's meet with him there for the last week and a half. Including the last three nights!" Operations stressed the last five words.

Michael turned to stare at Nikita. He hadn't even known!

"Now wait a minute! If you want him, then why are you putting surveillance on the coffee shop? You know he'll be able to spot it and you'll never catch him. I'll bring him in." Nikita spoke up.

Madeline looked at her. "On the condition?"

Nikita smiled. Good old Madeline. "On the condition you tell me what is going on."

Operations snorted. "Only to have you warn him or even help him? No!"

Nikita glared at Operations. So Jergun hadn't fully convinced him of her capture by the Freedom Fighters for the full six months either. "Operations, I may not like the way you run Section, but other than to save Michael I have never betrayed Section One. I would not risk cancellation over Jergun. He is a friend, but I have learned that the Section is a family of sorts. Trust me or not, Operations, but you know full well that if you put even your best on the coffee shop, you won't get him."

Madeline spoke up then, already forming a plan. "Walter and Birkoff could be there before Jergun is to show up. They could leave a little before 8 and Michael could be in a van on standby. Nikita could drug him."

Operations didn't like it but he couldn't argue with Nikita's words either. "All right but if you don't drug him or if you warn him, I will personally see to your cancellation, Nikita!"

It was a scare tactic, Nikita smiled. "The best place for the van is across the park which is across the street from the coffee shop. The park is small and the visibility is clear, night vision would work perfectly through it and it is a residential section. A parked car would go unnoticed there. As for Walter and Birkoff, that's fine, I should meet them at about 6:30 otherwise it will look weird. People meet there and chat and just sit and enjoy the others' company."

Madeline nodded. "I want the locale looked at this afternoon. Nikita, take Michael, Walter and Birkoff. Set up audio and visual and the exact spot for the van."

Operations nodded. "Dismissed."

Michael walked out without a word. She was taking this too well- would she try to save him even after Operations warning? Michael hoped not, but with Nikita, you never knew.

*********

"This is a pretty cool place, Sugar. We'll have to meet back here again when we all have more time." Walter announced as they entered the coffee shop and he ordered a double espresso- dark and bitter.

Nikita smiled. "What are you two doing for dinner tonight? Joe here serves a great lite menu!"

Birkoff spoke up then. "I'm free after 6 tonight. How about 6:30?" He had ordered a chocolate cappuccino with extra steamed milk and extra chocolate.

"6:30 works for me, how about you, Sugar?"

"It's a date, guys! Joe, a French Vanilla dark, very sweet." Nikita smiled and put in her own order.

Ten minutes later there was four bugs and ten cameras placed around the little shop. They were also done with their coffees and knew that Michael had found a great place for the van.

***********

He stared at her. "Why?"

She smiled and shrugged. "I grew up."

***********

"What happened to your guy, Nik?" Joe asked two nights after they had captured Jergun.

"Let's just say he was never what I wanted. I was behaving childishly and I grew out of him. Besides, he betrayed my family." Nikita smiled. "How are you, Joe? How's Lyn?"

"I'm good. Lyn's hanging in there. His mom should be getting out of the hospital soon, so he'll be back soon. He called last night and said to say he missed ya. Can't say I ain't glad that one's gone, Nik. He was bad news for you." Joe smiled. "Now, there is a triple espresso dark and sweet who would be good for you here tonight. He's a looker but his eyes speak of strength. He'd protect the right one with his life."

Nikita laughed. "I miss him as well. When you talk to him again, tell him I miss him. Thanks, Joe." And she went to her usual booth only to find it occupied.

"Don't run off, Nikita."

Nikita turned back to the booth only to look right into Michael's eyes. She shook her head. "Don't tell me. Triple espresso dark and sweet."

Michael looked puzzled. "It is, so what?"

"Oh, nothing." Nikita shook her head with a smile. If Joe only knew! "What are you doing around this neck of the woods, Michael? I thought you'd be typing a report or seeing how Jergun's debriefing is going."

"I needed a coffee and I remembered how Walter and Birkoff raved about the place. Besides, I wanted to talk to you." Michael shrugged. "He sold a part of the Directory to Red Cell. He was planning on selling it piece by piece."

Nikita shook her head. Should she tell him? Nah! For once, she had the leg up on him. On the other hand, she hated it when he did it to her. "I know. I was the one that taped his meeting with Red Cell."

Michael stared at her. He couldn't have heard her correctly.

"Michael, are you okay? Did you hear me?" Nikita asked, slightly worried. He almost looked dazed- as if her words had shocked him.

"Fine. Did you say you were the one who taped his meeting with Red Cell?"

"Yup. I even am the one that wrote up the two selections of the Directory he sold to Red Cell. It was rather fun inventing operatives." Nikita nodded.

"No wonder you accepted his guilt so easily." Michael began to realize. "You had already seen it with your own eyes. Why you?"

"Because I was in the perfect place to keep an eye on him. Because he trusted me unlike the Section. Because I was the one who brought it to Operations in the first place. Because there wasn't time to involve anyone else." Nikita sighed. "Michael, I knew I had been wrong about Jergun before I knew he was a traitor. Joe asked me what happened to him tonight." Nikita chuckled. "I told him the truth- that I had out grown him. And I have. As I watched myself distance from you and become closer to Jergun, as I remembered his words from when he brought me to my apartment and gave me the key, I realized how childish I had been acting. That and I decided I could never settle for someone who could learn to love me.' No woman should settle for that and I was being a fool in thinking I would. I do understand that it can never happen again, nor can we even be remotely close, Michael. I just needed some time to get used to it."

Michael took one of her hands. "Just remember, Nikita, it wasn't a dream." was all he said before he smiled and left.

Nikita shook her head and took a sip of her coffee- this time it was her usual, a cup of Columbia's best- black and slightly sweet. He still could surprise her every once in a while.

"Sugar, you look like you could use someone to talk with." A voice interrupted her thoughts a half hour later.

Nikita smiled. "Have a seat, Walter. How are ya?"

"I'm good. What has you finally smiling?" Walter asked as he sat down.

"Michael was here a little while ago. We cleared the air." Nikita answered him.

"About time, gal!"

"I even shocked him, Walter, when I told him that I was the one who had taped Jergun selling the Directory. He was definitely shocked!" Nikita chuckled.

Walter laughed. "Good for you! What will happen now?"

Nikita shook her head. "We will go back to before the six months I was gone. Nothing can come of whatever we feel, you know that. Our bond, as well as our loyalty, will be tested over and over and I know that I won't disappoint Michael again. My feelings for him are one of the few things that get me through the Section. You, Birkoff, and he all make it easier to survive."

The End