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ATTENTION: Stories marked with an * may contain material which would be better appreciated by those over 18. Parental Discretion is advised. This is your responsibility, not ours.
Author's Notes:
===== memories
******** short break in time/ change in place
/// ...\\\ words from Brussels on Sat Link (satellite link)
She looked over at the clock and sighed. It was almost funny when she saw the 0:01. One minute into nothing. One minute after the zero hour. One minute into the new day... only 1,439 more to go until the day was over. She shook herself out of her morose thoughts and got out of bed.
She knew from experience that she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon. In eight years, it was this day that she dreaded more than any other day of the year. She never slept during this day, her dreams were too painful- things she would never have, things she wanted but knew better than to think of, dreams that wouldn't quite die. How she hated Valentine's Day!
Two hours later she was sitting in her office, playing the radio softly and typing up a report that could easily wait for another time. She cursed as she caught yet another mistake. Going to the top of the report she realized none of it was correct.
She shook her head. Even here the day was intruding, the memories of another time and place infiltrating her conscious. She deleted the file and turned away from the computer. She hung her head in her hands and gave into the memories.
====================================
"You know we can't. We have to lay low for a while."
"Was it a dream?"
"I can't do this anymore."
====================================
The words and his face wouldn't leave her alone. All she could see was his pain, the pain she had caused him that he had never allowed himself to show before. She had thought she'd be happy- he had finally shown some emotion! But that pain was what caused the memories to return in her darkest hours and on the one day she had come to hate.
Eight years had passed since she had saved Operations and helped take down Petrosian. Eight years since they had allowed her to transfer to a substation where she had little chance of working with him anymore. Where she had little chance of seeing any of her friends.
In eight years, she hadn't contacted them, hadn't been able to bring herself to. She had hurt them all. Betrayed Walter, threatened and used Birkoff, then lied convincingly to Michael. She had seen what power in Section One could do and she had wanted no part in it. Madeline had been wrong, power may be in her blood but she wouldn't want more of it. She had left to remain a cold op.
In eight years, she had learned to survive without the protection Michael had always given her, learned to live without the light Walter shed in the world of darkness, learned to get by without teasing Birkoff and stealing his candy. She had even learned to survive without Madeline's advice and analyzing and Operations glowering down at her and her weakness to innocents.
But in those long eight years, she hadn't given in to the darkness. She couldn't do it. It was the memory of Michael that always saved her when she was at the brink. She did it for him even though she knew he had no idea where she was or if she was alive. She had disappeared from a mission, never returning for anything of her old life, needing to start fresh.
But she never could start over. Their memories haunted her during the dark hours of the night and on the day where everyone in the world celebrated love and friendship. The day she had broken all of her friendships and the only love she had come to realize was real. The day she had walked out on them all eight years ago.
*******************************************************
"I have a fix on the location of the plutonium, Operations." Birkoff announced.
Operations nodded. "Where is it?"
"Luxembourg. Near the Belgium boarder. We can use some of the substation in Brussels as leg men until we can get a permanent fix and a layout of the place." Birkoff suggested.
Operations nodded. "Good."
Madeline went to the phone to contact Brussels.
Neither one of them remembered until the satellite link was established and she came on the screen to answer the call.
Birkoff turned at the familiar voice. He gasped when he saw the image.
///Nikita watched her old friend's face and swore silently. This Valentine's Day was going to be worse one yet. "What is up?" She asked, turning to Operations and Madeline.\\\
"We are going to need a team to do some scouting for us. These are the coordinates that we have so far. They are holding plutonium and we want the plutonium and the place destroyed. No one returns." Operations outlined the mission.
///"Birkoff, how much intel do you need?" Nikita addressed the computer whiz who hadn't moved yet. "Birkoff!"\\\
He snapped out of his daze at the harsh call of his name. "As close and as much as you can get. I don't have anything on this place expect satellite photos."
///"How long of a window do I have?" Nikita turned back to Operations and Madeline.\\\
"Three days."
*******************************************************
She brought the coordinates up on the map and sighed. She had known it would be this place. Damn! There was no way to get around it now. She called up some of the information she had on the place and sent it to Birkoff. After that, she picked up the phone and called two people in. She needed someone to routinely email more information to Section at specific intervals otherwise someone would get suspicious. And she needed to get back to the compound. Her three day visit to her dying sister was over in twelve hours.
*******************************************************
"How is your sister, Fraulein Lux?" German General Luther Von Higion stopped her in the hall two nights after she had returned.
"The doctors say it is only a matter of time, General. She is in no pain, though, with all of the morphine they have given her. I thank God that she is not in pain. She looks so frail and tired." Fraulein Arianne Lux whispered, her eyes full of tears she valiantly tried to stop from falling.
He reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "I am so sorry, my dear. I know how difficult it is to lose your family. I lost my brother many years ago."
Arianne gave him a small smile. "Thank you, General."
Back in her room she wiped the tears away and groaned. She only had one more day to complete the mission or she would be killed along with everyone else in the compound. And she had to find the location of the plutonium along with getting the disks! Talk about putting on the pressure! Her two week window had been reduced to three days and now only one remained!
*******************************************************
She was half way through the office looking for the disks when the first explosion rocked the compound. "What the hell?" she muttered, her hands still searching for the disks. Two minutes later, when the next explosion knocked out the power, she found the disks.
In the hallway, she hid from two guards before she continued down to the vault room. She was reasonably sure that was where the plutonium would be kept.
"Just what do you think you are doing?" She heard the General's voice demand.
The next voice she heard stopped her cold. "Taking back what isn't yours."
"General, I'll only ask once. Put the gun down now." Arianne stated softly.
Both men turned to face her. But it was the General that was shocked.
"You? Why? Your sister?"
"No. My sister died two days ago before I returned here. This was because you destroyed her father. You stole his work and then you copied his work as your own and were going to use it as a weapon, not the cure he had intended." Arianne's voice was cold. "Now, please put the gun down, General. I will not hesitate to kill you."
He refused. "You wouldn't. You are just a child yourself. An innocent."
"I never lost my innocence, but that has nothing to do with the fact that I kill people for a living. Goodbye, General." Arianne whispered. A silenced shot followed her words. Turning to the other man, she ordered him to follow her. "Let's go!"
Michael followed her, wondering who she was.
"What the hell are you people doing here now? I had another day dammit!" Arianne hissed as she stopped him to hide from two guards.
"Who are you?"
"A Brussels's operative. I was to retrieve disks with a potential weapon design on them." Arianne hissed. "My codename is Josephine!"
"They were going to auction the plutonium tomorrow." The man gave his excuse.
Arianne froze. "Auction the plutonium? No. They wouldn't." She shook her head.
"Our informant told us he was inviting everyone tomorrow." The man whispered back to her.
"No. The auction was set for three days from tomorrow. Your informant was wrong." The woman codenamed Josephine whispered before she continued on. She had to get back to her room!
The man stopped her. "Where are you going? We have to get out of here!"
"Not without something. Where is your exit point? I'll meet you there!" she countered him.
"The cliff face." The man answered. "What is so important?" He asked but the woman was gone. He looked in the direction she went in and the direction he needed to go in- the direction three guards just came from! He followed the woman.
"Arianne! What is going on?" A frightened voice cried as the man neared the other operative.
"Shush, honey. Come on, ladybug, it's time to leave this place." She whispered to the child. "Where is Bobby?"
"I am here, Arianne." And the boy came out from under the bed.
Arianne chuckled. "Come, children. You must put your boots on." She herded them over to the closet and as they pulled out boots, she grabbed their heavy coats.
"Who are these children?" The man asked.
"They are Bobby and Jessica." The woman answered the man. "It's okay, Bobby, he is a friend. He is going to help us get out of here." She took the five year old in her arms. "Let's go!"
"They can't go down that cliff face!" The man hissed at her.
"Watch them!" She hissed right back. She refused to leave these orphans behind. "Michael, do not argue with me on this. I will get them down off of this chateau if I have to carry them both myself!"
The man froze at the use of his name. He turned back to the woman and saw her own surprise. "Who are you?"
She swore. "There is only one Josephine in Section One. You know who I am, Michael. I am Nikita."
Michael took a step back from her.
She raised her gun as she turned Bobby's head away from what she was about to do. "I'm sorry." She whispered to him before she pulled the trigger.
Michael flinched as the bullet whizzed passed his head before he heard the thud of a body falling behind him. He took a second to glance back. Sure enough, a guard was dead.
"Lets go!" He ordered. He was back in machine mode.
Nikita kept a fierce grip on Jessica's hand with the same arm she was carrying Bobby in, leaving her gun hand free. They made it to the cliff face ten minutes later. How was she going to manage this, she asked herself.
It was Michael that gave her the answer. "You take the boy, I'll take the girl." He told her softly.
Nikita smiled for the first time in days. "Thank you, Michael. Now, Jessica, Michael will take real good care of you. You do everything he says, understand? I'll follow right behind you, ladybug." Nikita knelt to the ten year old's level. She whispered to the girl. "He is my love, Jessica, he won't let anything happen to you."
Jessica nodded and went over to Michael. Michael looked down at the child, her eyes were so trusting. Like Nikita's had once been. He shook the memory from his mind and lifted the little girl.
Nikita followed with Bobby. Because of his size, she had tied him to her back. It also gave her free movement if someone popped over the side. She was only a quarter of the way down when she spotted someone. She shot instantly but still it wasn't fast enough. The man's bullet hit her in the left shoulder. Bobby screamed. Nikita nearly dropped the gun in her right hand as she grabbed the rope to stop their descent. When she finally got them under control, she switched her gun into her left hand, wincing at the pain when she moved the arm and continued descending with her right hand.
"I'm fine. Lets go!" Nikita ordered on the ground.
Michael glanced at her shoulder and the boy on her back before he nodded and the team pulled out.
Twenty-five minutes later they were lifting off in a helicopter. Bobby's fear had disintegrated when he realized he was going to get a chance to fly in the big bird. Jessica remained between Michael and Nikita as Bobby sat in Nikita's lap.
"How are you doing, Jessica?" Nikita asked softly.
The little girl smiled bravely. "Scared, but I know that you won't let harm come to us." She whispered.
"That's right. No harm will come to you." Nikita nodded. "Jessica, my name is not Arianne, it is Nikita. I was pretending to be Arianne."
Jessica nodded. "I know. Michael explained that you were his old friend Nikita. He said you two used to work together to stop the bad guys."
Nikita looked up at Michael and gave him a small smile before she focused her attention back on the little girl. "What is it, Jessica?"
Jessica chuckled. This woman always knew when she had a question!
"Well, I was thinking, you said he was your love. But he said you were his friend."
Michael stared at Nikita. Nikita kept her eyes on the child.
"Michael is my love, yes, Jessica. He holds my heart, always has. He was my friend when I needed someone to get me through a very rough time. And I helped him overcome a terrible time in his life as well. But eight years ago I left, breaking our friendship and our hearts." Nikita whispered. Her breath hissed as Bobby moved in her arms.
"Nikita? Why did you break your heart?" Bobby asked.
"Because I thought it was something I had to do. Because, my little one, I made a very big mistake a long time ago. But, you know what? If I hadn't made that mistake, I would never have met you two. You two have helped me to heal a part of my broken heart." Nikita kissed his forehead.
Three hours later, they landed at the Brussels's substation.
"They don't leave my side, Michael." Nikita stated as she stood with the sleeping Bobby in her arms. Jessica smiled up at Michael before she followed Nikita. "Thank you." She whispered before she was gone.
Michael watched them leave. He thought back on Nikita's words at the beginning of the flight. He wondered if she would be okay and what she would do with the children now. But he had to get the plutonium back to Section One. He gave the trio one last look before he motioned the pilot to take off again.
Nikita let the tears fall as she heard the helo take off. Nikita put them in her office and told Jessica to remain there. She had to talk to Jacob.
"Medlab now, Nikita!" Jacob ordered when he saw her.
"No. Your office now." She shook her head and walked to his office.
Jacob looked at her more closely. He saw a simmering of pain in her usually clear blue eyes. He wondered what was wrong.
"The children. They will be returned to their parents. No staying in Section. No cancellation. I will return them to their mother and father. Medlab can give me painkillers and wrap the wound but they will remove the bullet when I return in a few days." Nikita stated.
Jacob saw no compromise in her eyes. He also saw the hell there. "All right. Be careful, Nikita. They were never here."
She smiled before she walked out of his office.
*******************************************************
"Momma! Papa!" Jessica screamed and ran towards them.
Nikita set Bobby down so he too could run to his parents.
"Good bye, my little ones. I shall never forget you or what you have done for me. Be safe and happy." She whispered before she turned and walked quickly away. She was needed back at the substation- her bullet needed to be removed and she had the disks to go over.
*******************************************************
"Nikita, how are you?" Jacob found her dressing in Medlab five hours later. He knew she had used a local to remove the bullet so she wouldn't have to remain in Medlab so long.
"The shoulder will heal. My heart will as well." Nikita gave him a small smile. She noticed something in his eyes then. "What is it, Jacob?"
"They've recalled you back to Section One." Jacob looked away. "Your flight leaves tomorrow morning."
Nikita surprised him with a laugh. "I knew this was coming, Jacob. It will be fine. It's been eight years, Jacob, a lot has changed and a lot needs to be aired out. I won't return, Jacob. Section One is my home. I just couldn't live there for a while. I'll do the disks tonight before I leave."
"You will be missed, Nikita. And there is always a place for you here." Jacob smiled, offering her a hand.
Nikita took it with a smile. "I know. Thank you, Jacob. For the children."
He nodded before he left.
Back in her office, she sighed. She took out the disks and began to go through them. She spent six hours on them before she was finished going through them. The cure seemed genuine but the weapon was what she was afraid of. Her decision was made.
The next morning, Jacob smiled at the note he found on his desk. The disks would not leave her possession. They were just too dangerous. She'd talk to Operations about them.
*******************************************************
"Sugar? What happened?" Walter asked. He was the first person she went to see.
Nikita shrugged with her good shoulder. "It doesn't matter. Walter, I am sorry. What I did to you was wrong. I betrayed you for power. I am sorry."
Walter shook his head. "Sugar, I know that. If you had stayed, I would have told you I forgave you a long time ago." He hugged her carefully. "Now, what did you do to yourself?"
Nikita smiled fully for the old man, her dear old friend. "I got shot when I was bringing Bobby down a cliff face in Luxembourg."
"Luxembourg? Michael was just there!" Walter looked at her. "You shouldn't have been on that mission!"
"I wasn't. I was on my own mission, which they screwed up. I was supposed to have two weeks to retrieve the disks. When I received the Section order for intel, I had my operatives send the data on delays. My two weeks were cut to three days. They didn't even stick with that! They attacked the second night!" Nikita explained. "I shocked Michael when I found him."
"I can imagine his surprise! Must have been like Birkoff's when you answered the sat link." Walter smiled.
"I felt awful about that! None of- wait a minute! You knew?" Nikita studied him carefully.
"I know more than you think I do, sugar." Walter replied cryptically before he turned. "It's good to have you back, Sugar." He whispered.
She smiled. "It's good to be back."
"Birkoff, I am sorry for threatening and using you like that so long ago. And for having you find out the way you did that I was in another substation." Nikita came up behind the computer whiz. "I've missed you." She stated softly as she grabbed at an oreo.
Birkoff laughed and swatted her hand away. "I've missed you, too, Nikita. It's all right. I'll forgive you if you bring me two bags of double stuffed oreos!"
Nikita laughed, rubbed his head and agreed before she walked away. She headed for Operations office. She could see he was there with Madeline.
"You summoned me back?" Nikita entered the office with a smile.
"How are you healing?" Madeline asked.
"Quickly." Nikita answered. "You shouldn't have closed the window. There was no need."
"Our informant has been spoken with. That is why you were recalled here." Operations started.
Nikita nodded. "I was made, wasn't I?"
Operations nodded. "Someone wanted you dead, Nikita."
"Or someone wanted me to fail on my mission there." Nikita brought up another reason. She handed a copy of the disks to Operations. "This is what I was retrieving as your team invaded. Those are only a copy." She told them. "It is the designs for a miracle cure but it is also a very destructive weapon if altered slightly."
"Why weren't we notified?" Operations asked sharply.
"Because I knew I could handle the retrieval. And because we didn't have confirmation on the rumor. Unfortunately, the rumor is true." Nikita answered swiftly. "What are you planning on doing now?"
"We have to find out who wants that weapon." Madeline stated.
Nikita shook her head. "There are three people who know of its existence and of the rumor that it could be altered into a destructive weapon. All three of them are in Section. One of them I trust with my life. I also know who it is." Nikita sighed. "Will you let me take care of this my way?"
"Only if Michael returns with you." Operations spoke up quickly. "You aren't ready for a major battle. And you are one of the best in Section."
Nikita nodded. She caught the slight smile Madeline gave Operations. As she turned to leave, she shook her head. It wouldn't help, she knew if he didn't want to deal with this, he wasn't going to.
In Michael's office ten minutes later, Nikita had a seat and waited for him to return. She closed her eyes in the darkness of his office. God! She was so very tired!
Michael found her asleep an hour later. He entered the office without turning on the lights- as usual. And he was glad, when he spotted her slumped figure that he hadn't used the lights. She looked so peaceful and exhausted. He was halfway back out the door when he heard her whimper. He stuck his head back inside the office and watched as her peaceful slumber turned into a violent struggle.
"Nikita! Nikita!" Michael went to touch her shoulder to gently wake her up. He wound up flat on his back on top of his desk with her gun at his temple.
Nikita looked into his eyes as the gun clattered to the desk, her hand losing its ability to hold on to it. She fell back into the chair, her hands covering her face.
Michael sat up, facing her. "Nikita? What was that?"
"You came up behind me." She whispered, still hiding her face behind her hands. She didn't want him to see the tears or the fear she knew was still in her eyes.
Michael took her hands in his and gently pulled them from her face.
"Nikita, what is wrong?"
"You shouldn't come up behind me." Nikita whispered. "I could have killed you."
"You wouldn't." Michael stated simply.
"I could have, Michael." Nikita pulled her hands away and stood. "I have to go."
"Nikita, you came here for a reason." Michael spoke softly. "What was it?"
"I wanted to tell you that I was home. Madeline will be giving me an apartment soon. I'll be in Section until then." She was reaching for the door, her face turned away from him before she gave him a small smile and left.
Michael shook his head and sat in his chair. Gently, he picked up the weapon and looked it over carefully. The safety wasn't even on.
He wondered what demons she was fighting and why she was returning now. And he wondered for how long had the nightmares been a part of her life.
*******************************************************
Nikita sank into the sofa in Madeline's office. "Madeline."
The older woman frowned. The operative before her looked like she had been in a war. "Nikita, what is it?"
Nikita smiled at the concern. Maybe she was human after all.
"I nearly killed Michael, Madeline. If I hadn't recognized him on some unconscious level, I would have killed him."
Madeline nodded. "Why?"
"Because he came up behind me when I was sleeping." Nikita whispered.
Madeline stood and made her way to the sofa to sit next to Nikita.
"Nikita, what happened to give you these nightmares?" She asked softly.
"A lot of little things, Madeline. A lot of little things piling up." Nikita whispered. "What happens the next time, Madeline? What happens when I can't recognize someone unconsciously? What happens when I kill someone because they snuck up on me?"
Madeline sighed. She had known this was coming. It always did at one time or another with operatives. The memories, the nightmares, the buildup of emotions never dealt with. Madeline shook her head.
"Nikita, this is one battle that I cannot help you fight. You must face your demons as well as your fears. And only you can do that. Your friends are here, Nikita, use them to lean on, but you must deal with this yourself. As for when you kill someone like that, you won't. There is still too much light inside you for that to happen."
Nikita nodded. "Madeline, it is good to be back." And she stood.
Madeline smiled and watched the young woman walk to the door.
"Oh, Nikita."
Nikita turned at the door. "Yes, Madeline?"
"Report to Medlab to have your shoulder restitched." Madeline motioned for her to look down at her shoulder.
Nikita chuckled at the sight of the blood. "I will."
*******************************************************
"Walter, how are ya doing? Could you grab my bags? I can't seem to carry them. The guys in Medlab told me if I ripped these stitches out, they'd have to confine me to bed." Nikita asked she struggled.
Walter chuckled as he picked up a bag. He went to grab the third one but someone else got it first.
"Michael." Nikita whispered.
"Nikita." Michael nodded and took the bag she was carrying. "You shouldn't be using this arm."
Nikita nodded before she lead them to her Section quarters.
"Thank you for the help."
"I'll see you around, sugar." Walter waved as he left.
"Nikita, we need to talk." Michael whispered.
Nikita only nodded. There were no words she could tell him yet.
"About why you were at the compound and who those children were." Michael clarified himself.
Nikita faced him. "I was on a mission to retrieve disks. These disks outlined a potential cure for a few types of cancer. It would be safer than chemo and it would take less time." Nikita sighed. "I had two more weeks to find the disks when Madeline and Operations called about the plutonium. My two weeks were cut to three days. I was searching for the disks when you invaded a day early. Luckily, I had just found the disks when the power went out. Then I headed down to where I thought the plutonium would be kept. There I found you. As for the kids, they were kidnaped to make a family pay. I returned them to their parents."
"Nikita, why were the disks so important? A cure for cancer is not what Section is about." Michael wanted to know.
"Because that cure for cancer had a machine and that machine, if modified slightly, was rumored to be able to become a weapon unlike any seen before. Jacob and I didn't feel the need to contact Section or Operations. The rumor didn't have a lot of proof to it. I went in to get that proof." Nikita answered him. "Michael, I need some time to think."
"You need to rest, Nikita." He whispered before he left the room.
Nikita silently agreed but she was realistic. She knew that rest would not come soon. When she rested, the demons came and rest would leave her.
There was knock at her door then. Nikita turned and saw Birkoff. "Come on in! You are just the man I was going to go look for!" Nikita smiled.
"What do you need?" Birkoff smiled at her.
"I need you to hook up my stereo. With this shoulder, I can't lift things too well." Nikita gestured to the one bag Walter had brought in.
Birkoff shook his head. "You only use me for my brain." He mumbled.
Nikita went over to him. "And your oreos."
Birkoff laughed at her. "It's been quiet without you, Nikita."
"I wouldn't doubt it, Birkoff. I wouldn't doubt it in the least. But I am back now and I don't plan on leaving any time soon." Nikita kissed his cheek. "Now, get to work on the stereo! I need music!"
Ten minutes later, she was listening to music and sharing a carton of cookies n' cream ice cream with Birkoff. "Thanks, buddy."
"Thank you, Nikita!" Birkoff ate another bite of ice cream.
She laughed at him and reached over to wipe his ice cream mustache off.
"You are supposed to eat it, Birkoff, not wear it!"
He blushed and they visited for a while longer.
Birkoff had left nearly two hours before she heard the song. She had been remembering her words to Jessica in the helicopter. As she listened to the words, she smiled.
*****If there were no words no way to speak I would still hear you
**If there were no tears no way to feel inside I'd still feel for you
**and even if the sun refused to shine even if romance ran out of rhyme
**you would still have my heart until the end of time
**you're all I need, my love, my valentine
**All of my life I been waiting for all you give to me
**you've opened my eyes and showed me how to love unselfishly
**I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
**but in my dreams I couldn't love you more
**I will give you my heart until the end of time
**you're all I need, my love, my valentine
**and even if the sun refused to shine even if romance ran out of rhyme
**you would still have my heart until the end of time
**cause all I need is you my valentine
**you're all I need, my love, my valentine*****
"Oh, Michael." Nikita whispered as the tears rained down her cheeks. "You have always protected me. Even when I left, it was your memory that protected me. I never told you but it was you who showed me how to love. With your message so long ago, you showed me everything I needed to know. I can never tell you, but you hold my heart and nothing can take it away. I love you." She whispered into the stillness.
It was nearly two am when the alarms started going off. Nikita sighed. It had begun. As she dressed, she made herself a promise. "You go after them and I will kill you." She whispered the words even though no one was there to hear them.
*******************************************************
"Birkoff, what is going on?" Madeline demanded as the computer whiz sat frantically tapping at the keyboard.
"He has begun the search for the disks and the plans." Nikita stated softly behind the older woman.
"Who?" Operations asked.
"It doesn't matter. He will not get the disks." Nikita vowed.
"Operations, I'll take care of this. You gave me your word."
"Inform Michael immediately, Nikita. He needs to know what is going on." Madeline spoke up.
Nikita nodded before she pushed Birkoff out of the way and ended the intruder's search with a finding of file not found.
*******************************************************
When Michael walked into Section, Walter instructed him to head to Nikita's quarters. He wondered if she was okay. He knocked loudly on the door before he walked inside.
"Hey, Michael." Nikita smiled as she lowered the volume of the radio. "Have a seat. I need to brief you on our mission."
"You aren't ready for a mission, Nikita. You need to heal." Michael objected softly.
Nikita gave him a smile. "I won't mention the number of times you were injured and still did missions, Michael."
Michael nodded, giving her the point. "What mission?"
"About the disks that can be modified into a weapon. I have them. Operations has a copy. He, Madeline and I agree that you were sent in early because someone wanted me not to find those disks." Nikita started. "I am pretty sure I know who it is. There were only three people who knew about the rumor and my mission. You are coming back with me to Brussels. Our man is there. Operations doesn't feel that I am ready to go into a major battle." Nikita smiled. "You will be my white knight again."
Michael nodded. "Who do you think it is?"
Nikita sighed and bowed her head. "Jacob."
Michael didn't betray the surprise that rocked him. "Why?"
"Because he is the only one I trust there." Nikita sighed. "Because he lied to me. Because I know in my gut that he is the one. There are many reasons, Michael, but the main one is because I killed his brother and he thinks I don't know." Nikita handed him a report. "Read that. If you have questions, I'll be at Walter's station. I need to get some things."
Michael sat there, in her quarters, reading the report on her mission in Luxembourg as well as when she killed Jacob's brother. He smiled. His Nikita had become one of the best operatives Section One created. His smile disappeared at the thought. He didn't want her becoming the best at killing people.
*******************************************************
"Sugar, you be careful. I'd like to have ya back in one piece." Walter warned her.
"I know, Walter, I know. Michael will be there to protect me. He won't let anything happen to me." Nikita brushed off the concern.
They were in flight when Nikita finally looked at Michael and spoke.
"Michael, whatever he does, whatever he tries, I need to be the one to end this."
Michael studied her silently before he nodded. "If it is possible."
Nikita smiled. "And, Michael, I was telling Jessica the truth." With that said, she turned back to her window and watched the landscape change.
*******************************************************
"Nikita! What are you doing back here?" Jacob greeted her with a hug.
"I needed to get the rest of my stuff and I have a few days off." Nikita smiled as she stepped out of him embrace. "Been busy?"
"What? Without you to cause trouble? Nah!"
Nikita laughed. "I'll see you around, Jacob." She headed to her old office to pick up the rest of her stuff. She had left Michael in the hotel suite. She hadn't wanted everyone knowing that he was with her.
She had finished saying her goodbyes and was half way back to the hotel when she stopped off at the convenience store. She shook her head.
Either he was getting stupid or very desperate.
*******************************************************
"Nikita, if you go anywhere without me-" Michael stopped his words as he caught sight of her. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Let's just say I stopped for groceries and got attacked instead. They left a very polite message for me though. Told me that if I didn't turn over the disks, they would destroy my heart." Nikita's smile was trembling as she held her shoulder. "The guys in Medlab are going to kill me. I ripped out their stitches." Nikita chuckled.
Michael lead her to one of the beds to sit on before he started to push her shirt away. He wanted to check out the wound. He heard her wince as he jarred her wound.
"I'm sorry." He whispered as he gently covered the wound again.
"It isn't your fault, Michael. Besides, that isn't what really hurts. It wasn't bleeding much this time. I'm a little more worried about the knife wound I received to my ribs under this arm." Nikita joked with him.
Michael stared into her eyes for a moment before he lifted her shirt to look at the knife wound. He shook his head. "You won't need stitches, Nikita."
Nikita sighed. "Good."
"What happened?" He asked softly.
Nikita sighed. "I went to the office to get the rest of my things and say my goodbyes. Jacob must have put the tracker on when he hugged me. He was glad to see me, told me the place was quiet without me, yada yada yada. I told him I'd see him around. No mention of you. I stopped at a convienance store. I had spotted one set about a mile and a half before I stopped. I never saw the second set of men. Of course, I think they arrived as the other two and I were otherwise engaged."
"Are you planning on waiting for him to make his moves?" Michael asked.
"Why? You worried?" Nikita asked. For once, let him give a real answer, not a clever evasion of the truth! She prayed to herself. She was asking for a miracle. A miracle that someone was granting!
"Yes." Michael whispered. "You lost a lot of blood and you are not in top condition." He added, almost hastily.
Nikita shook her head with a sigh. "Michael, one of these days you will answer without qualifications." She whispered as she closed her eyes. She was tired again. "I'm going to get some rest." And she repositioned herself on the bed.
Michael watched her sleep for a few hours before he too fell asleep- praying his nightmares didn't wake her up.
He needn't have worried. It was her struggling and hoarse whispers that woke him up three hours later. Gently, he sat beside her and whispered comforting words. His hands took her hands to reduce her struggling. As she quieted down, he released her hands.
"Thank you, Michael." Nikita looked up into his eyes. "It's the little things, the memories and the feelings I pushed aside for so long coming back to haunt me. They are something I need to conquer on my own. You can't protect me from my mind, Michael."
Michael understood all too well what she was going through.
"It helps to have someone you trust around you, Nikita, as you fight them. Someone you can lean on." He told her.
Nikita smiled. "Well, then, I guess it is a good thing you are here."
Michael's face cracked with her comment. He gave her a slight smile before he left her bed to return to his own. When her even breathing was heard again, he whispered, "I won't let them get you too, Nikita."
Nikita smiled as she heard his words. She promised herself then that one day she would somehow get him to see that he was still human- that his demons didn't have as much control on him as he thought they did.
*******************************************************
"Jacob, what's up?" Nikita asked as she walked into the substation. He had called her cellular that morning asking her to come in.
"Nikita, I was wondering if you would monitor a mission for me." Jacob asked.
Michael didn't like the way the guy was looking at Nikita. His eyes weren't the dead eyes of an old operative, they were the eyes of a man who would stop at nothing.
"She has other plans." He stepped out of the shadows to greet Jacob. "Hello again, Jacob."
Jacob looked slightly startled by Michael's presence. He took Michael's hand and forced a small smile. "She would remain here and just give technical support."
Nikita looked over to Michael before she shook her head. "I am sorry, Jacob, but Michael and I need to take care of some Section business. We need to check on a couple sources who are in the area."
"Well, just thought you might want to keep busy. I remember how you got when you were bored." Jacob shrugged.
*******************************************************
The next day the phone call came. Nikita wasn't the one to answer the call- she was in the shower. Michael froze as he recognized the voice on the other end of the line.
"Nikita." Michael walked into the bathroom.
Nikita sighed, finished tying the robe around her waist and closed her eyes.
"They said they would destroy my heart. Who was it? Bobby or Jessica?" She asked softly.
"It was Jessica on the line but I think that Bobby was in the background." Michael whispered. He reached out to steady her. "Are you okay?"
"I thought I had more time." She whispered before she shook off his hand and headed to the bedroom. She needed to get changed. "What did she say, Michael?"
"That you were to bring the disks to the old compound by tomorrow at midnight." Michael told her.
"Then that is what we will do. With a few changes. We leave for the compound now. And I want Birkoff to look over the area with the satellites. I want to know where people are located in that area. Those two kids are my top priority, Michael. I will not let anything happen to them." Nikita promised.
"Would you give him the disks, Nikita, to save the children? Knowing what you do about the weapon, would you give up the disks to save Bobby and Jessica?" Michael asked her.
Nikita bowed her head. "I don't know, Michael. I don't know."
*******************************************************
"Nikita, are you all right?" Michael asked as they flew over to the compound they had destroyed less than a week before.
Nikita gave him a weak smile before she turned back to the window she had been staring out of the entire flight. There was nothing she could tell him. There was no explanation she could give him yet to make him understand why she had left before.
Michael shook his head as she turned from him. There was so much he wanted to ask her but he couldn't form the words and in her eyes, he saw that she wouldn't have the answers even if he could form the questions.
When the compound came into view, Nikita turned to Michael.
"Michael, I will do anything to get those children back to their parents. They have been through enough. After that I will kill Jacob."
Michael nodded but he didn't like the lack of emotion in her voice. He didn't like the lack of emotion in her eyes. He didn't like the thought that he had something to do with this new Nikita. And he certainly didn't like the fact that the characteristic emotion that made Nikita her was lost.
Nikita knew with one look that Michael was worried about her lack of emotion. She knew she had changed but she didn't know how to beat the demons.
"Michael, I didn't lose my way. I just can't find a way to beat my demons." She told him.
"You will. And I will help you." Michael reached across to squeeze her hand.
"Maybe we'll help each other beat the demons we both face." Nikita whispered, giving him a small smile.
Michael shook his head with a smile. He saw the hope in her eyes and let it infect him. "You won't give up on me, will you?" He asked.
"If I gave up on you, I'd give up on myself, Michael. It was your memory that saved my soul these eight years. It was the memory of you and your protection that never let the darkness win. For that, and for the simple fact that you set me free, I will never give up on you." Nikita was honest.
"Nikita, eight years ago when you left, was it because of the manipulations?" He had to know.
Nikita squeezed his hand with a chuckle. "No. I left because I couldn't deal with the fact that I betrayed Walter, threatened and used Birkoff, then lied to you. I ran away from the power that Madeline told me was in my blood. With that power came the ability to hurt my friends and I didn't want any part of that."
Michael studied her for a moment. "For all the times I lied to you-"
Nikita cut him off. "Two wrongs don't make a right, Michael. And one more lie doesn't fix the one before, it only adds to the lies. At least you had a reason, Michael, even a round about one. I didn't."
*******************************************************
They set up a base camp five miles from the old compound. Birkoff sent them intel about the amount of people around the place and the likely places for hostages. But Nikita refused to play with the children's lives.
"Michael, if anything happened to them, my heart would be gone." Nikita shook her head and corrected herself. "No, my soul would be gone. Those two children were the reason my heart is mending. They showed me how to love unconditionally again. They gave me back my soul, Michael, when I thought I had lost it."
Michael understood her reasoning. She was to him what the children were to Nikita. She had been the one after Simone who had given him a reason to go on, a light in the darkness that had become his life.
"All right, Nikita." He agreed with her, for now. He didn't want those disks to fall into Jacob's hands though.
*******************************************************
They bade their time until it was time for the meeting to take place. When they headed for the compound, Michael had a plan ready.
Nikita knew that Michael would try to take out Jacob to destroy the disks. She just prayed she could stop him in time. She didn't want his life to be the cost of her deal.
"Nikita!" Jessica cried, straining in the guard's hands to run to her.
"Sshh, Jessica. It will be all right. Don't worry." Nikita forced a bright smile as she caught sight of the two children. She turned to Jacob. "You were my friend, or as close to one that Section allows, Jacob. I would have helped you. But you made the biggest mistake when you brought the children into this. No matter where you go, no matter what you do to leave this life behind, I will find you. I will kill you. That, Jacob, is a promise."
Jacob just laughed. "What makes you think that you or anyone else is leaving this little party alive?"
Nikita's smile stopped his laughter. "If you want those disks, Jacob, you will let Michael take the children out of here. When they have been gone for two hours, then and only then will I give you the disks. If Michael tries anything, I am here. He wouldn't risk my life."
"You have no leverage, Nikita. Just give me the disks!" He snarled.
Nikita shook her head. The only way to beat him, she knew, was to remain calm. "They leave or there is no deal and I will just have Section invade and all of us, including the children will be killed." She shrugged. "It is your choice, Jacob. Decide carefully."
He stared her down but when she didn't flinch, he turned to the guards holding the two children. "Let them go. Michael will have one hour."
Nikita nodded. "Fine." She turned to Michael. "Do what you have to do to return the children to their parents, Michael. And no matter what happens to me, Walter has a package for you."
Michael glared at her. She had brought him along as a way to ensure the children's safety! How was he supposed to keep the disks out of- he noticed it in her eyes then. He saw the determination, the light that was Nikita. She had no intention of giving the disks to Jacob. He shook his head. Maybe this time he would begin to trust her!
"I am sorry, Nikita. I will make sure that they remain safe. Be careful." He hugged her before he reached to pick up Bobby and take Jessica's hand.
The hour passed slowly. And as she waited, she began to see Jacob's plan of attack. She shook her head. Sometimes he was careless. Like now. She would have ample opportunity to escape as soon as the disks were turned over.
"Jacob, remember I will find you." Nikita promised before she disappeared into the rubble. She heard Jacob swearing at his men and then she heard the explosion. Nikita smiled. She'd have to thank Walter for the explosives when she got back. She never saw the wall she was walking beside begin to crumble. She never had the chance or the time to move away.
*******************************************************
Michael swore. It had taken him eight hours to return the children and set the family up in a safe place with a new name. When he finally reached the compound again, he saw the new destruction. He asked Birkoff to search for any live bodies. It was the only way he found Nikita a half an hour later.
Nikita smiled at his face when he freed her from the rumble.
"I forgot to think about the unsoundness of the structure. How are the children?"
Michael shook his head. "They are fine, Nikita. I set them up somewhere safe. No one will bother them again."
"Thank you, Michael. I am sorry I made you doubt me again."
"I should have known that you would have a back up plan. I should have trusted you." Michael smiled down at her as he lifted her up into his arms. They had a chopper to meet.
*******************************************************
"Did you get the package from Walter?" Nikita asked Michael.
She was finally awake from all of the sedatives they had given her. Medlab hadn't been joking when they had warned her they would confine her to bed if she pulled out the stitches! For three days, after they restitched the old wound and stitched the new ones, they had sedated her, forcing her to remain in Medlab to heal.
Michael smiled. "I did."
"Have you opened it?" Nikita asked.
"I have."
His short answers were beginning to agitate her. She let it show in her eyes as she watched him.
Michael chuckled as he spotted her aggravation. "Thank you, Nikita."
Nikita shook her head with a smile. "Michael, I didn't contact you those eight years because I didn't know how to cross the bridge I had burned when I left. I let my fear of rejection keep me from returning. I let fear rule my life because I didn't want to face the hurt I had caused you, Walter, and Birkoff. Jessica and Bobby helped me to see that I can't let the fear control me. If I do, I don't have a life. Without you, I can't live."
"Nikita, you have been my light for so long. It was you that made me live again after I lost Simone the first time. And it was you that helped me through losing her the second time. It is the memory of you that brings a light to my dark soul." Michael told her.
Nikita smiled brightly. "Michael, with you and Walter and Birkoff by my side, the demons will never win."
Michael wiped away her tears gently. "You complete me." He whispered.
She reached up to caress his face. "As you do me."
"Now, how did you know I was planning something?" Michael asked.
Nikita laughed. "You wouldn't be Michael if you didn't have a plan to get the disks back. I just didn't want you to be the cost of my plan. I figured that if you had to protect the children for me, you wouldn't be able to get in the crossfire. And, Michael, I never even brought the disks with me. Operations and I destroyed the copies I gave him and the originals before we left for Brussels."
Michael chuckled softly. "You have improved so much over the years, Nikita."
Nikita shook her head. "No, I've adapted over the years. Without you there to protect me, I needed to survive. I adapted to survive, Michael, that is all."
Madeline stepped into the room then. "Nikita, how are you feeling?"
Nikita rolled her eyes. "Like I've been heavily sedated for three days. I want out of here, Madeline."
Madeline gave the woman a small smile. "Michael hasn't told you? You may return to your Section quarters until the end of the week then you will get your own apartment."
Nikita turned to glare at Michael.
"Hey! You never gave me the chance!" He replied.
Nikita rolled her eyes at his excuse.
"Take it easy for a while, Nikita, and heal. Stop by to see me in a few days." Madeline smiled before she left them alone again.
"Nikita, about the package." Michael started. There was something he wanted to understand.
Nikita had a pretty good idea of what he was going to ask her about but she just nodded. This time he had to reach out.
"Why would you, after all the lies and manipulations between us, still think of me as someone to lean on? Another shoulder at the wheel?" He asked softly.
Nikita sighed. "One day, Michael, I will get you to see that no matter what you do to me for the Section, I will always lean on you. You have protected me more than you have lied to me. It was you that got me through training and Section life all those years ago. It was the memory of you that get me through the next eight years away. I know that you would do anything to save me. You risked your life to give me one. For that alone, I owe you."
Michael shook his head. "One day, with you so adamantly demanding I see myself in the light, I will."
"I know, Michael." Nikita smiled. "I also know that you will be there to lean on when the nightmares come again."
"Nikita, if you need me, I will be there." He promised her.
*******************************************************
She was in her apartment for the first night when the nightmares returned. She saw herself at the compound again, but this time instead of letting the children and Michael leave, she watched Jacob shoot them all. Then the scene changed and she was kneeling beside a grave... Michael's grave. Next she was watching a mission. She knew there would be trouble- that Michael would be hurt- but every time she went to do something, she couldn't do it. She watched him die with "Why didn't you help me, Nikita?" as his last words.
With the last scenes, she sat up in bed and looked around. She sighed. They were back. She went to her lab top and hacked her way into Section's computers to find Michael's phone number. Before she left she sent a note to Birkoff apologizing for hacking in. She smiled when she pictured his face as he read that note.
"I'll be there in ten minutes."
"No, Michael. This is Nikita." Nikita rushed before he could hang up. Just what she needed! Him thinking Section was calling him in.
"Nikita? How did you get this number?" Michael asked, surprised.
Nikita chuckled. "Let's just say I left a note for Birkoff apologizing for hacking into the system again."
Michael smiled at the thought. Then he realized the reason she would hack into Section to get his number. "I'll be over in ten minutes, Nikita."
Nikita smiled to herself. "Thank you, Michael." She told him before she hung up.
She pulled on her comfiest sweats and started a pot of coffee as she waited for Michael. She smiled at the soft knock. She checked the peephole before she opened the door.
Michael noted the tiredness in her eyes. "Nightmares are back." He whispered softly. It wasn't a question, he could see the remnants of them in her eyes.
Nikita nodded. "Coffee?"
Michael smiled. "Always."
"They used to be failing at a mission. Finding out that you, Walter or Birkoff were killed. My team dying right in front of me. I was leading and I couldn't help them. Tonight, they centered around you and you dying. I watched as Jacob shot you and the children. Then I was kneeling at your grave. The last scenes I was leading the mission from the van and I couldn't help you. Every time I tried to, nothing would happen. You died with the question why didn't I help you on your lips, Michael." Nikita told him as she handed him a cup of coffee with a little sugar in it. Tonight she would drink hers straight and black.
"Why do you think that they are centering on me now?" He questioned her softly.
Nikita shrugged before she answered. "Because my greatest fear is losing you and your support. I fear that more than I fear losing my soul, Michael. With you, I won't lose my soul, without you I don't stand a chance of keeping it."
Michael nodded. "What about my blaming you for not saving me. What do you think about that?"
That Nikita didn't have an answer to. "Maybe because you always saved me."
"You've always saved my life, as well, Nikita, don't forget that." Michael brought up. "Don't forget all that you did to save me when I went into mandatory refusal just before you left."
"Yes, but you not only saved my life, you saved me from Operations wrath. You took the blame when I couldn't do the job. You saved my soul, Michael." Nikita whispered.
"You gave me back part of mine, Nikita." Michael reached across the counter to take her hand.
"Michael, I see the faces of people I've killed. The innocent and the evil ones. Then I see the ones that I saved. How do you balance them? Is there a way to balance the costs and the benefits?" Nikita grabbed his hand.
Michael closed his eyes. "I don't know, Nikita. I haven't found one yet. But I do know that when I see you, the costs aren't nearly as high."
Nikita smiled at him.
*******************************************************
"Madeline." Nikita stated as she walked into the office.
Madeline chuckled. "You look much better, Nikita. I take it the demons and the fears are being faced."
Nikita smiled brightly. "They are. Thank you, Madeline, for your advice, as well as you support."
The End
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