1974

…Roberta was 17 and she liked partying. Her father died a long time ago and her mother hardly could earn her living. Roberta's way of life frightened her. She didn't know even a half about it. Roberta didn't live with her mother. She had understood, a long time ago, that in that life, money was essential. And she knew a pretty easy way to earn them…

That day wasn't unlike any other. Except the fact that Roberta finally decided to buy a pregnancy test. Her worries became true. Roberta Wirth was 17, she was having a baby and she still didn't have money.

At least she knew who's the father. It was Paul, a soldier from a Vietnam. He was married. From time to time, he was permitted to come home. It's just that he didn't go to his wife, but was spending all his vacations with Roberta. And she liked him. She liked him too much, actually. Recently, Roberta had confessed to herself that she loved him. It was extremely impractical, but it was the true. He soon was coming again and Roberta planned to tell him about the baby.

Paul had a wife. Corinne. And he loved her. But she seemed too homely for him. So he preferred spending all his vacations with his lovers, which he had plenty of. Corinne didn't know a thing about them, she though that her husband is fighting on an unnecessary war all the time. That's where she was right. Nobody needed it and it also was a living hell.

When Paul came to town, the first thing Roberta did was meeting him.

Paul liked Roberta, but a baby didn't fit into his plans. He had a wife and besides, he already had a son, Steven. A baby was a responsibility too big and Paul didn't need that, either.

“I hope that you understand that you have to deal with that problem.

Roberta looked into his eyes and understood everything. It was silly to believe that he would be glad. But Roberta couldn’t lose Paul and the baby would forever tie him to her. Taking some more air into her lungs, Roberta made one of the few right decisions in her life.

“No.”

Paul didn't believe his own ears.

“No?”

“I’ll keep the baby.”

Paul nodded. OK, so if she wants it this way, let it be. But he refuses to take any part in this. He nodded one more time and exited the room.

Roberta’s plan was simple. It was the same thing that you could read in cheap novels or see in a soap opera. Paul has a wife, but doesn’t have children. Roberta will give him a child. And he will marry her. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it at the moment, but when the baby is born… In the end, Roberta will be married to a man she loves – a quite rich man. It had to work.

It’s not that Roberta only needed the baby as a part of her plan. She had her mother instincts and they even didn’t hamper with her plans, so she could let them be for a time being. And Roberta started to prepare for becoming mother. The hardest part was to quit smoking, but she managed to do that. She even got a job that didn’t require any physical efforts and began waiting. Paul had gone to Vietnam again and Roberta counted that he would only be back when the baby was born. Better for me, she thought.

1975

Everything went as planned. Only she didn’t get any letters from Paul as she used to before, but it didn’t matter. Roberta was sure that she could find him immediately if needed.

Roberta received bad news at the same time with Corinne. Only Corinne got a notice and Roberta heard the news from a friend of Paul’s, who came back from the war.

Paul was dead. Actually, he was Missing In Action, but it was the same thing. That meant that they didn’t recover the body. There were thousands of places in Vietnam, where a body couldn’t be found in fifty more years.

Roberta remembered vaguely, what happened next. She heard screams and didn’t realize at once that she was the one screaming. People tried to calm her down, but she didn’t seem to notice them. In the end, she lost consciousness.

Next day, her daughter was born.

Roberta felt bad. She came at piece with the fact that Paul was dead, but couldn’t come at piece with the fact that her plan failed. She was spending most of the time staring at the ceiling and remembering the time spent with Paul. Sometimes, they brought her the baby to feed it. Roberta didn’t refuse. The baby now was, of course, totally useless, but she couldn’t let it starve to death.

After some weeks, a nurse came to visit her. She was almost the only one who treated Roberta well. That was probably because she just recently started working in the hospital.

“Miss Wirth?… Roberta?”

Roberta tore herself away from the ceiling and looked at the girl.

“Yes?”

The nurse came up to her.

“The doctors say that your health condition improved and you can leave in some days.”

Roberta didn’t answer and resumed staring at the ceiling.

“And one more thing… You have to register the baby. If you want, you can do it right here at the hospital.”

This distracted Roberta from her thoughts.

“Register the baby? What do I need to do that?”

Nurse smiled. Finally Roberta came out of her trance.

“Nothing. Just tell me how you want to call her.”

For the first time in few weeks, a smile appeared on Roberta’s face.

“Nikita. I’ll call my daughter Nikita.”

1983

Roberta had to earn her living in any way possible. She didn’t give a damn that all this happened right before her daughter’s eyes. After she started drinking, she didn’t give a damn about many things. Nikita perfectly understood what her mother was doing. She had been living in these circumstances way too long not to understand. And when her mother, drunk, was coming home, she would just go to her room, close the door and pretend that the world around her didn't exist.

Mother with the drunk wasn’t the only Nikita’s problem. The school was another nightmare. Her schoolmates hated her and beat her up. Her only friend, Julie, was from a much happier family. Nikita envied her. Teachers, Julie’s parents constantly tried to separate them, but they still remained best friends. Then Julie moved to another town. And Nikita was alone again.

1990

That day, Roberta brought home her latest boyfriend. It was no news for Nikita. She just hoped that she would be left alone. Her hope didn’t become true. Roberta’s boyfriend tried to hit on her, but she cut him off. He walked off from Nikita with a big scratch on his face. Partly because of his rage, partly because his pride was wounded, the boyfriend decided to tell Roberta everything.

He entered the room where Roberta was sitting. She already started drinking, although it wasn’t really late. The scratch ached. For the last time he thought over if he should tell Roberta everything and decided that he should. “In the end, the girl deserves a good lesson”.

“Your girl…”

Roberta tore herself away from the bottle.

“Nikita? What about her?”

“She’s completely out of her mind. Look what she’s done to me.”

Roberta looked at his swelled face.

“Why did she do that?”

Of course, he didn’t intend of telling Roberta the truth. He already had a made-up history.

“I haven’t a clue. Told you, she’s crazy.”

Roberta nodded and resumed drinking. The man came closer and took the bottle away from her.

“I wanted to tell you, Berta, that I’m fed up with your girl. I give you and her money and this is my reward? This scratch isn’t gonna heal for a long time. I want her to learn to respect me. Otherwise, I refuse to tolerate her. And I’ll have to leave you, Berta, and I really don’t want to do that.”

Roberta gave him a drunken smile and reached out to take the bottle. The man stopped her.

“Promise me that you’ll talk to her about it. Say it.”

Roberta didn’t want to argue with him. He had been giving her money. The only thing that she wanted was to drink some more. She smiled again and said in unsteady voice.

“Okay,… I’ll… Talk to her.”

The man gave the bottle back to Roberta and left.

Nikita sat in her room, thinking. She needed some kind of a way to fight off her mother’s boyfriend. That day, she managed to do that but she wasn’t sure if she could do that again. Anyway, she left quite a sign on his face. Nikita smiled.

The door opened and Roberta entered. She never knocked. Nikita immediately realized that her mother had very much to drink. And if she showed up at her room, it wasn’t a good sign. Roberta rarely had attacks of maternal love.

“Ni-ki-ta.”

Her voice proved what Nikita already knew. Mother was extremely drunk.

“Yes?”

Roberta came up closer to her daughter.

“Why did you beat up Jeff?”

Nikita didn’t have a clue what exactly that guy told her mother, but decided to tell the truth.

“He hit on me. He tried… What do you think I should’ve done?”

“He’s my friend… You should respect him.”

Nikita smirked. It was clear that her mother didn’t believe a word she said.

“Respect? He doesn’t respect me for sure. Why should I?”

Roberta got angry.

“Don’t argue with me! I’m your mother!”

“Yes, unfortunately…”

This sobered Roberta a little.

“What did you say?”

Nikita decided to let on everything she thought about her mother.

“I said “unfortunately”. I think it’s a big pity that I was born and that you are my mother! I am tired of you constantly humiliating me! But most of all, I’m tired of people calling me daughter of a whore!!!”

After that, Nikita received a slap that made her fall to the floor. When she got up, touching her face, with eyes full of tears, she got another one.

Roberta got very angry, mostly because Nikita’s words were truth.

“Out!”

Nikita stood staring at her mother with eyes wide open. Roberta was extremely mad. When she opened her mouth again, she wasn’t talking, she was screaming.

“I said, get out! I don’t wanna see you again!!!”

When Nikita didn’t make a move, Roberta grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her out of the door.

Nikita stood at the street and tears were rolling down her face. At fifteen she was left alone on the streets.

1995

Roberta stumbled across that newspaper by an accident. It said that a girl, having her life sentence for a murder, committed suicide in prison. Roberta didn’t even bother to read. It never occurred to her that the article was about her daughter. She stopped drinking only two years later.

2000

Operations found out that Nikita was his daughter by a complete accident. He never thought that Roberta did keep the baby. It wasn’t like that thought disturbed him though. He had done so much harm to his daughter. Operations didn’t feel any paternal love for Nikita. Why should he, he never needed that baby. But he was surprised when he realized that he did have some feelings for Nikita. Pride. She managed to go through the Hell and still be a human. She had done what he never managed to do. And because he felt that pride, he didn’t try to deny anything when Madeline told Nikita that he was her father. He didn’t confirm that, either. Probably, he thought, Nikita will never know the truth. That’s better. And he lit up another cigarette.

Nikita couldn’t sleep, thinking about the events of the past few days. She knew perfectly well the history of her birth. Roberta used to become very talkative when she had much to drink. She really didn’t care who her father was. As far as she was concerned, he never loved her mother. And if it was Operations,… it didn’t change a thing. Just the fact that she now knew that her father had almost gotten her killed. Even Roberta would never do that. Nikita wondered if the fact that Operations supposedly was her father was the reason behind her recruitment into Section. She decided that it wasn't. Whoever her father was, he didn’t give a damn about her. I’ve come a long way, she thought with a bitter smile. From a daughter of a whore to a killer. Then Nikita turned to the man she loved and thought: But being what I am, I am quite happy…

The End