How could they do this to me? They know I love her, they gave her to me, and yet they kill all feeling she has for me? I sit here alone telling you this story. I can’t write it down for my tears would smudge the paper it would be written on and I can’t type it for they may find it. So you are to listen to my thoughts if you want to know how I feel.

My Nikita. Where do I start. Do I say how I feel about her or do I not need to tell you? All of you saw me. My eyes although not running over with tears showed to the world that my world was breaking apart. My heart has broken from her saying, "I don’t love you anymore." But then you knew this, you anticipate what I will do next. I don’t know. All I know is that the light in that secret place (that is no longer a secret apparently) has been beset by grief. A grief so great that I am amazed that I even made it home.

I am sorry for I stray from my story. Do you know that the first time I laid my eyes on her I was afraid. Yes, I know. Michael, afraid? Many will laugh at that one. I was afraid that I could fall in love. Not the love that I felt for Simone but one that would be deeper, one that would reach into my soul and show me that I still had one. I knew that this woman would be a challenge and that my guard must always be up. I know, don’t forget, how Section works. At least I thought I did. I know what they did to her now. They didn’t need to use the psychological way I thought they would, no they used it a different way. They erased me. At least the parts of me that my Kita should remember. Our love is gone from her eyes, the memories of our secret meetings, the memories of our..............well our everything.

I promise that they will pay. This will not continue. My angel will return. For that is what she is to me. Long ago I had forgotten that God existed but now I know He did not abandon me. He brought me to this place for a reason. But now that reason has forgotten her mission in this life. My mission was to keep her safe and to love her. That will never change. Her mission I believe was to come here and save me from myself. A little conceited I know but to me those are our reasons to be here.

Now I don’t know what to do. I know that I must continue to watch over her even if she can’t remember. But this time I will be careful. Section will never know. No more encryptions, no more longing looks, no more anything. At least where they can see it. I know how to be discreet. I know to love without being noticed. There is one thing they can never take from me and that is my secret weapon. My face. That black mask that everyone hates to see. The mask that many are scared of. That mask that has carried me through the last two weeks whenever I am at Section. They have no more surveillance of my house so they cannot see the damage that I am doing to them. They do not see the mask break as soon as I enter the home that I live in. They do not see the people whom I see in my dreams at night. And they do not see the way my dreams destroy them. But no, I must get away from that subject or I am afraid that I shall go mad.

But the only other subject in my head is Nikita. I lay here thinking of her fragrance. The way it billowed around me as we made love. The way every time I think I smell it I remember holding her in my arms. And lastly I remember the way her smell called me two weeks ago in her apartment. I haven’t been back since. I remember the way her hands felt on me as we would lay together afterwards. Her hands would stroke my skin softly as we gathered ourselves to face Section once again. Her mouth would be slightly swollen and her eyes would have that dreamy look that I have always loved. I am sorry my friends but I must go before my thoughts stray to where some should not know of. Thats’ a laugh as many kids today know what that is and even how to go about getting it accomplished. But I can’t laugh anymore. Remember as you go that They will pay for what they did. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but someday they will pay. Goodbye my friends and I am deeply touched by your sympathy.

The End